Transcript

Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)

From Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 2 min · 13,230 words · 112 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)", an episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast published September 25, 2025 (1 h 2 min, about 13,230 words). It mentions 18 people, works and ideas, including Chipotle, Prize Pick, Epcot, Chad Powers, Hulu.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Jimmy Kimmel, Lam Mer, Tuscany
  2. – 20:00: Prize Pick
  3. – 30:00: Chipotle
  4. – 40:00: Chad Powers, Bricktown Comedy Club, Chipotle, Glenn Powell
  5. – 50:00: Chipotle, Tucson

Notable quotes from "Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)"

  • Yeah, Lam Mer did a fantastic job. Thank you, Lair. Yeah, you did.
    about Lam Mer · at
  • Crybaby Kimmel is my new Crybaby Kimmel.
    about Jimmy Kimmel · at
  • It was so beautiful. Like I was in Tuscany and Rome. Tuskanyany was like really rural. So that was tough.
    about Tuscany · at
  • That's what they wrote. They got that wrong. Prize Picks is offering a max discount on Jaylen Hurt this weekend.
    about Prize Pick · at
  • Sorry, I got to I That was definitely my ring camera. And I watched La Mer find out that the Chipotle is here.
    about Chipotle · at
  • It's a bad movie, but it's like a What's the [ __ ] guy's name? It's the dude from Salt. Did you see Saltburn?
    about Saltburn · at
  • Down the toilet, hot shot quarterback Russ Holiday makes a comeback disguised as Chad Powers. Huh. Sounds like an oddball athletic talent who walks onto the struggling South…
    about Chad Powers · at
  • Francisco. November 8th, I'm in Sacramento. And then I got December 4th, Tucson, December 5th, Phoenix. So, come on, y'all. What were we talking about before Chipotle so rudely interrupted us? I think we're talking about Disney World.
    about Tucson · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Prize Pick — Company · 3 mentions · first at
  • Hulu — Company · 2 mentions
  • Helium Comedy Club — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, New York.
  • Bricktown Comedy Club — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Then Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That's 10:24 10:25. Here comes the big one. Off the Hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida. November 7th, November 8th.
  • Off the Hook Comedy Club — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Then Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That's 10:24 10:25. Here comes the big one. Off the Hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida. November 7th, November 8th.

Products & tech

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

Wow. Wow. Wes. Oh, he's a pro now. Yo, let me hold it down, bro. Got that gator clap. The gator hands that bad boy gator. Yeah, Lam Mer did a fantastic job. Thank you, Lair. Yeah, you did. You saved my bottom. You're in Italy. Edited out an entire episode. Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, we did a full episode of us trying to break down all the world's ills. Yeah, it didn't go well. Didn't go great. We both neither of us had it. Stuttered and stammered like Yeah. Like, yeah, man. I just don't like uh it's not nice violence.

Go. Yeah. I just wish people wouldn't be so mean. Yeah. Let's get that out. Both sides do it. Both sides do it. We hit the both sides do it for an hour. I think I think negativity is done. I think it might not be cool anymore to be negative. We can bring it back. You already had a good plan. Matt explained his evil little plan already. You shouldn't say I don't even think you should say the plan. It was just a funny thing to say. It is funny. It's a funny but everyone's back, dude. You can't, you know, free speech comedians rule. We are the vanguards of truth.

Finally, philosophers are [ __ ] Dude, the second the government starts censoring us, you know, fascism is right around the corner. Yeah, it was good though. It was good to see everybody stick up for him for free speech. And uh yeah, I'm just glad they were all there for me back in 2019. You know, he's my brother and being cancelled now. You know, he was canceled for what what was that 48 hours? Mine was a couple years, but no big deal. What's the deal? He had to hold tight. He had to hold tight in the probably a very nice kind of modern house on the hills in LA. You had to sit there and just room and you didn't have to lay on a mattress in Queens with two snarky roommates that were like, "Oh, did you write that apology?" Yeah, I could tell.

I'm like, "What the fuck?" Crybaby Kimmel. It's nice baby. Crybaby Kimmel is my new Crybaby Kimmel. I do like how he was I saw a snippet and he was like what he was saying. He was nice. Yeah. When he calls uh he called Rogan a moderate and one lady in the crowd thought that was a joke. She was like, "Ha." You can hear it. You're like, "Oh, you got that wrong, bitch." Yeah. They don't They can't be nasty. No one else around you laughed. It was you being a nasty lib. Yeah. She can't be nasty. No one can be nasty now. We got to knock it off.

Try not to be nasty. I'm never nasty. Nasty. Nastini dude. Yeah. No more nastiness. We got to heal. We're healing the nation. We're healing the nation with our truth, dude. I just I hope the government doesn't [ __ ] get one of us. No more funny business. Get out of here. Clamp it down. Watching formation. Depend which government. That's what you That's what you got to worry about. You talking deep saber? No, I'm talking I mean kind of. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying, brother.

So, you just got back from Italy, the the motherland. I did just get back from the old country. How'd it go? It was nice. It was beautiful. I liked going to Rome. Rome was so sick. I was walking around tripping out on that. I didn't sleep though. I never adjusted to the time difference. Were you drink Were you drinking cheap lambusa wine overlooking the Janica Loris Hills? Love that. Love that memory. Love that memory. I don't get it. It's my video from 10 years Samui. Oh, sorry. But I was Yeah, I was just drinking a lot and I never I stayed up really late drinking so I never adjusted to the time and that really stunk.

So, a little bit more the same. Exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah. That's what That's what I was just saying. When I went to Spain, I was like, I'll be different over here. No, stayed up till 5:00 a.m. every day. Cameron, woke up, the sun was going down. I was like, oh [ __ ] I me I related to what you said, too, about how like America's so much better than just like convenience-wise and comfortabilitywise. It's like like Wi-Fi is bad, outlets are dumb, stuff closes. Your voice your voice changed in Italy. What happened over there? I'm sick. Oh, you have COVID 19.

I might have Italian co like that fashion show strain that like killed all the old guys. Yeah. Sorry. I hope you don't have co cuz I don't think so. I feel pretty good now. But I did get a cold. I the travel was like I don't know. I was telling La Mer when I was going cuz I hadn't I haven't really left the country since I was like a really young kid. I went to like Mexico and stuff. So, I thought I was going to like be like I didn't want to go. I was like I like I don't like traveling. Thought it was going to be an expansive I was just like nervous. I don't like leaving my house. Um you know, so I was like I don't you know I didn't I didn't I never got why people like want to go places for no reason. And I was like maybe when I go there though I'll like have some wander lust thrust upon me and I like want to go see the world and like I couldn't have been more wrong. I I don't care to go anywhere still. I was

so happy to come back. Yeah. Nice when you get home. It was so beautiful. Like I was in Tuscany and Rome. Tuskanyany was like really rural. So that was tough. Yeah, it feels I do that. I feel like you're just like this is a green screen behind you and now you're in like a different location. Feel exactly the same. I stayed in my house to feel like this. Took me a while. No, I like I don't know. I disagree. Ireland Ireland [ __ ] rules. Well, that's what I said was saying before. Like I think if I went to an English-speaking country or even a country where I could speak the language, I' i'd be more comfortable.

Yeah. How are people speaking Italian at you is very anxiety and do I'm like an anxious guy. But when they start speaking really fast at you, I was just like I'm American. I'm American. A lot of them thought I was Australian though. So I started lying when I got drunk and I'd be like Australian. Yeah. Having those guys get in your face and like I did um run into two like ruffians though. I was stumbling home at like 3:00 in the morning. I stayed up for like 26 hours as soon as I got there. I landed at like 7 a.m. and like went to the coliseum and saw everything.

Dang. And that was so cool cuz I was like, I'd never been on a road this old before. Like I've never been in a place this old before. So that part was awesome. Did you pretend you were like a warrior slave entering the coliseum and you had to fight for your honor? But it does cross your mind. I think every man in that coliseum was like, man, get filled with energy. Yeah. I would stab a tiger in here. No problem. It's so cool. The coliseum was so cool and all like the old structures and stuff. Was anyone in there? Like is everyone just looking? Did anyone like [ __ ] around and like flow?

Everyone's just looking. I mean, it's just like a zillion tourists. Like as many tourists as you could possibly imagine. Yeah. From everywhere. Yeah. How they're mostly Asian, right? Yeah. That's kind of where what I was getting at, but I didn't want to be rude. But the big thing in Europe was they were all like cuz remember when we were young it was all like [ __ ] these Americans or something. Now they're all like damn we miss the Americans. It's all Chinese now. It sucks. We We didn't realize how good we had it with the Americans.

There's a lot of s There's a lot of Indians in Rome, too. Like trying to like pedal their like water bottles and they're like they're Mexicans. I think they got Well, they got lost on the Silk Road. No offense, but it's the end of the Silk Road. They got there. Yeah. Yeah. We were uh we were battling an old Indian couple on the plane recently. We went to a wedding this weekend and it was like just the the personal space issue from the East tough one, bro. Like the the butdding is just like insane. Budding in line.

The butting. Yeah. We're like waiting to get on the plane. Just [ __ ] crazy. Old Indian couple just [ __ ] butted us and I had to be like, "Yeah, this is the [ __ ] train, dude. Back it up, man." Yeah. We're not [ __ ] jamming in here. Wait. Yeah. Chill, man. We got We got plenty of room. Like I was like front and center ready to get on and they just like started doing it. It was just like Also, I'm tired of Europeans being like, "Americans are so obnoxious." It's like, "Dude, have you talked to one person from England?"

Yeah, dude. That's crazy. Just scream in your [ __ ] face. That's what I was saying. Start singing. This We're not singing here. I like the singing. Don't get me wrong. I like the singing. I like the singing. I like the singing. But yeah, it is. But you get you go anywhere and it is cool to see a different place. But America really is. I'm not saying if you're like, you know, in Europe or wherever, it's just your country, like the way you guys live is embarrassing. It kind of is embarrassing. Like everything's just the outlets are [ __ ] up.

Fix the outlets. Yeah. Fix like dude, it's 2020. The guy who invented electricity. Get with it. Yeah man. That's from Philly. You're welcome. I know. Well, that's the thing. Like I was telling La Mer in Italy, they all sort of like they're not a very like the customers always right thing and I I was telling they all act like with like a sort of air that they were around thousands of years ago when the Roman it's like you weren't there when the coliseum was being built. You're just a guy that was happen to be born here. I don't know. Maybe it was all in my head.

They're connected to tradition. They're connected to deep tradition. That's how they operate that way. They reminded me of like how people describe the French where it's like I feel like they don't like me cuz I'm American. But maybe that was just in my head. It's probably in your head a little. Yeah, cuz I I I was always told the Italians are a lot like the Spanish and the Spanish were very they were like happy to see I guess it depends where you are. You weren't a very tourist heavy. I was more of a friend. Yeah, true. Off the beaten path.

You know me, dude. I tried to go off the beaten path and I was like I got to get the [ __ ] out of here. Off the beaten path was scary. I was really scared before I met up with all my friends. I was I felt nervous. Yeah. You're going to get attacked by a ruffian. I thought Yeah. I was going to get molested or something. A couple young Italian boys. Yeah. I thought I was going to get sexually harassed or something. I don't know what. As soon as I got off the plane, I was getting a taxi and there were like guys that were like trying to do fake taxis and I guess like charge you more.

You know how they do that at like JFK? Wait. Loved it. What's so funny about that? You thought you were getting on the fake taxi. You're about to get in the seat. You're about to get put in the back seat. Yeah, that's Yeah, I was scared. You're about to get put in the back seat. You're going to get You're going to get in the Bang Fiat. Yeah, I thought so. I was going to get stuck in the taxi. The Bang Boos. The Italian job. Yeah. And heist that ass in. It was like guys with like neck tattoos and stuff. They look like the dirt bag Italians. And they were like, "Get in the taxi. Get in the taxi." And I was like "No no."

Yeah. Yeah, you just get in, they pinch your butt and kick you out. They kept saying, "What's the wrong with your head?" They kept saying that to me over and over again. That would [ __ ] piss me off. So, what's wrong with your head? Yeah. What's wrong with your head? Tutoto, Tutto. What's wrong with your head? And I was just like, "No, no, no." I just kept saying no over and over again. Yeah. Like, [ __ ] your head. Your head sucks. It's full of dumb Italian thoughts. Yeah. I can't go to Italy. My wife wants to go to Italy so bad.

I can't go to Italy. Dude, the Italians are the worst. And also, like I think you're confusing. No, black ladies love Italian guys. Oh, it's a thing, man. I talked about I talked to Nate about this. Black people love Italians. They sweat Italians so hard. And I I'm I'm always evangelizing like, "Dude, Italians suck. Irish people rule." And they're like Irish people. We don't see it. But it's hard pitching Irish swag to black people. Like, nah, we're just quiet and we just [ __ ] grumble to ourselves silently. We don't wear any cool jewelry. And they're just like "Bro Italian guys are so cool." And I'm like, but I think Italian Americans are way different.

Yeah. Yeah, they are. That's true. What What are like the people from Are they like smaller over there, too? Or they Yeah, they all They all look like they're like a thousand years. They look like pygmies or something. These are tiny, bro. Like everyone there like they could be 20 and they still look like a old person for some reason. I don't Maybe I'm just I I'm just a really dumb American. Like I think I was like missing the chemicals that I'm desperately addicted to and stuff like that. Like I was like cranking the past I ran out of school. I thought I packed enough skull when I went to Spain. I ran out right away.

I packed six packs. I had to go straight to sigs, dude. Lucky lucky strike, dude. I felt like a [ __ ] GI. A dough boy. Yeah, big dough boy. Dude, the sigs are different. They have scary pictures on the sigs there. Yeah, they do. They love the scary pictures. Yeah. I want I want a cigarette company where it's like warning, these are so cool. You might die. But that's also so cool. If you died from Sigs, it'd be so cool. Like you're going to die anyway, dude. Look cool. I'm going to do a big picture of a guy in like a fast car just like hanging out of the window. It's like live fast, die young.

Scary warnings. Did you go to a disco disco tech? No, I didn't go to disco tech. We I was in Rome for a day, so I just kind of like drank outside. There wasn't like any bar bars. You know what they say. What? went in Rome. Yeah. Did you do as the Romans do? I did. I I drank outside and um there's a lot of like foreign exchange students or not, you know, like study abroad kids from like a bunch of countries. Lively. It was like a city. So, we just drank outside. Like there's no bars that we went to. It was just like you sit at a table and they like bring you drinks.

Yeah. I feel like the lack of muscle mass in Europe is humiliating. For real. They're small. They're shrimps, dude. I do have a big friend, my friend Mike. I'm sorry. I'm We're post negativity. I don't want to be negative pro America put down every other country. It's just basic American first stuff that I'm talking about. Basic America first. That's right. I stayed in my hotel was next to the anti-mafia building. So that was kind of intimidating. Yeah. There's like guys with silly hats with like rifles. Anti-mafia.

Yeah. I don't know what that even means. Yeah, it was antima. And they would kept like checking in with me when I would like smoke a cigarette outside the hotel because I guess like their politicians go there and stuff or whatever. Was that like a So that's like an mafia guys can go in there. I guess not. I don't know. It is weird. I So it's a police station. Yeah, pretty much. I guess they walk in the password. You have to walk in and go, "Don't forget about it." Yeah. All right, you're in. You're good. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Matt, let me be honest. I'm loving the football season, but I'm worried, man. Sup? Well, you know me.

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It's good to be right. Sorry, I just came from the spring, dude. I'm just [ __ ] Yeah, we just got out of the water. I've been I've been on my Italian [ __ ] I've been watching a Mussolini show. The Fistas. Yeah, the Fishistas. It's a good show. It's on some madeup [ __ ] European network. Really? Yeah. I don't even know what it's called. Fake [ __ ] Yeah, there's a lot attempt at TV. What was What was Mussolini? He was a bad guy, right? pretty bad. Yeah, pretty nasty. He invented fascism. Oh what? Yeah. Hit Hitler copied him. Hitler was like, "That guy rules.

That guy's cool." Okay. And that was like in I've been trying to figure out like a good definition for fascism. And I think it's just like when you love the president so much, you'll beat somebody up and it's kind of hard to It's hard to like a real definition to it. But if you look up the definition, it's that's why it's so easy to call anyone a fascist. Yeah. Yeah, the definition does it's like if you will resort to violence also it is socialism. That's what I that's why I always I always struggled with it. Yeah, cuz I was always like isn't that more government? So doesn't that mean it's left? But it's not. It's it's a farright version of more go I [ __ ] if I know.

Yeah, I think Yeah, I think it's like military. Let's get the exact definition. I I've looked it up 100 times. It's like kind of vague. It's like Yeah, I looked it up this week. force just ultra nationalist authoritarian political ideology characterized by a dictator aggressive nationalism militarism force of suppression of opposition. It's a system in which the government controls most aspects of public and private life and exalts the nation or race above the individual. Okay. So again, what the [ __ ] the difference between communism and that?

I don't know. Have you ever got into uh what's it called? Luxury. Like automated luxury communism. No. That's a big talking point. They're like, "Dude, the machines are going to get so cool that you could live it." Like, you know, like when you're in communism, it sucks because you can only have like a little bit of bread. Like usually the e the economy kind of falls apart. There there's guys that are saying like, "One day we'll have such good automation like everything will be on demand, but we'll be like we'll be it's like luxury communism."

Huh. Just like, "Yeah, sure. Let me know when you guys figure that out." That's a thousand years away. I know. I know. I know. Like we're not close. Yeah. Rogan Rogan was talking about last night because he loves the AI. And I'm just sitting there like I'm not worried about it. Is he Is he worried or think he's he's like AI is Yeah. And he talks to those guys. Yeah. Yeah. So they're all like Yeah. PETA. I don't know. I like I [ __ ] with it here and there and it's like it just seems like super Google to me. Now, I'm sure if you own chat GBT and you could like take the blinders off, maybe you could be like set me up a geopolitical, you know, if you took all the moral frameworks off it, you could probably do some like cool stuff.

Jet GPT like infringed. I was It freaked me out. You got to speak up. Sorry. Yeah, man. We're not in [ __ ] Italy, dude. Oh my god. Back in America, you got to pronounce your words. You get so startled, dude. You got startled. I'm just just yanking you, bro. Jet GPT. Uh, you know what? Never mind. What? No, no, no. A yank, dude. The bag's on you. Oh, yeah. You were gone for the bag, Gardin. He was gone for that. Um, I asked if I could take Xanax and Nyquil at the same time cuz I wanted to sleep on my flight. And then I asked something about like pills yesterday and it said like you can't take that with Xanax though. Like it remembered that I asked it about Xanax two days before. Nice.

You were probably in the same chat. If you're in the same Yeah, I wasn't. Really? Yeah, it was a new chat and I said, "I don't like that you remembered that I asked you that." And I said, "I'm sorry. I won't do it again." That's fair. Check it checked your zany use. Yeah. How did that How did that work? Did the zany I didn't take the zany. I just took the night quill and passed out. Yeah, that'll work. It was nice. Yeah. Nice. The flight was brutal, though, cuz I'm a hopeless nicotine addict. So, what' you do? I just did a bunch of things.

I don't know why. I thought that was going somewhere else. No, no. The nicotine I was like no. Uh I just did zins and got really really angry cuz they don't really help still. Really? Still really want cigarettes. Yeah. It's like 9 and a half hours. Dang. Yeah. Sucked. Did you get first class? No. Hell no. I was a coach. You got to you got to on that one. I so expensive. But you got to Yeah, I did. I didn't uh do that. It's worth every penny on that. It was brutal. Yeah. There was a heavy set woman next to me whose buttocks was just pouring into my seat the whole flight. But you're kind of comfortable.

You're a bit of a little humper. You probably were like, "Yeah, it was kind of a nice like extra pillow. Yeah, that's for real not the worst case scenario." Yeah. At least it wasn't a guy. True. Exactly. Wasn't me. I don't know. That's kind of I feel like that's not bad having a big fat lady butt spill into your territory. Yeah, that wasn't the worst on the cuz I had to do to JFK and then come here from JFK. So, it was like 9 and a half hours to JFK and then 5 hours here. It sucked balls. But on the way here, there's like a guy on his laptop with like his elbows out.

And coach, that's a crazy move. My thing was I was thinking on the plane, I was like, if you're going to work on your laptop, you should be in first class. Yeah, cuz if you you ain't making that bread, your work ain't important enough to be typing back here to coach. He's trying to get there, dude. No. Also, I've done it [ __ ] watch the Ravens were on. Just watch the Ravens game. No laptop. I I'm all laptop on the plane. I know, but you're in the front. I sometimes I have to sit I have to do coach sometimes and I just [ __ ] elbows in. I do T-Rex arms and I just type type.

I was in the middle though because I had to get like switched. I was supposed to go to Boston and then Austin and then that got delayed. So, I would have never made it. So, they switched me to JFK to Austin. So, I had Comfort Plus. I sprung for Comfort Plus. But then the new flight, I didn't get comfort plus. I got middle seat. Yeah, I was dying. I rocked a middle seat not too long. I like to flex on my wife. She's like, "You know you're going to fly coach." I'm like, "I don't give a [ __ ] Put me in there." And I was in there the whole time like, "God damn it. I'm so [ __ ] uncomfortable." But there was a big dog next to me. He wasn't like super fat. He was just a giant guy. And he was doing this thing where you just It's actually really alpha when you just like lay down on your trade like that.

And he kept spilling into my side. And he would like wake up like, "I'm so sorry, man." I was just like, "Bro, you can't help it, man." Yeah. Yeah. You're fine. Don't sweat it. If they say sorry, it's it's over. Exactly. And I was like And it was it was two big dogs and then me, medium dog, and then it was just like there. I was middle deserves the armrest. Yeah. And it Well, I was like, "Dude, we're [ __ ] There's no You literally there's nowhere you can go." He was just trying to sit politely, but he was just damn window seat coach when you got a whiz.

Yeah. Everyone has to get up. That sucks. I want aisle cuz I just like to get up. I like to move around the plane a lot. So it's like when I have to ask people, especially when they're like it's like, "Bro, get up." Dude, on the Italy flight, everyone's sleeping. So I had to like wake the heavy set lady up to go to the bathroom. I felt so bad. And I was like I had to like bunker a bunch of times for like two hours. I was like, I had find a nerve and just tickled the [ __ ] out of her. What did she do when she when you uh She was so sweet. I feel bad even talking about her like this, but she was so nice about it.

Yeah. The guy on the computer I asked too and he was like one second and he like finished typing something and I was like bro get your broke ass up. I need to take a number one. Yeah, turn off the [ __ ] PowerPoint, dude. Let's go. I feel bad about being mean to Italy, too, cuz my friends are going to watch this. I was so happy to see all my friends. Are they from Italy? No, but I I just don't want to act like I didn't have a bad time. It was an awesome time. No, I think Yeah, I think it was nice. Okay. Sometimes I they all listen to this and people listen I forget that you don't you want to be like his wedding stunk. That's what you His wedding was the most amazing wedding. It was in the Tuscan Hills. It was like beautiful.

Wow. Well, how much you give him for a gift? Do you mind me asking? I gave him 300 and I felt like that wasn't I felt like my other friends He flew to Italy, bro. Is that not good? Like I thought that was good. Just you or did you have a guest? Just me? Did you give him 300 American? Fine dude. 300 American. Yeah. But like my other friends gave him more and I felt like kind of bad. Yeah. Yeah. 300. It was like, "Dude, it cost a [ __ ] ton of money." Would they give him a,000? No. No. Like five. Some of them gave five. Yeah.

No, that's fair. You flew all the way there. 300 with the international flight, I think, is kind of generous. Yeah. Joe, I love you. Congratulations. That's Yeah, that's a congrats, Joe. Seriously, dude. And your lovely wife. Mhm. Mayor. Yeah. Or husband. It was a wife. Could have been a guy cuz guard dog was there going stag. I thought that was a guy's trip. Wait, what do you mean? He was saying it was a gay marriage. Oh, I didn't I don't want to assume he was heterosexual. Yeah, he is heterosexual. Yeah. Whose idea was it his idea to go to Italy or the wife's?

I'm not sure. Damn, dude. A [ __ ] marriage in Italy. What a beautiful thing. I hope that lady's nice to him cuz I'd be really mad. They're both like the nicest guy. If I did that, that would I would hold that over her for a decade. 25 years. Wouldn't matter. 25 years. I go, "Remember Italy?" It was incredible. I did that for you. [ __ ] $900,000. It was so awesome. It was crazy. We were like, "We're [ __ ] Could have bought a house, dude." The stars, too. Like, we stayed in like a villa in like farmland. So, the stars were like I saw like five shooting stars. The first one I saw, I was like, "That's a UFO. There's a UFO over Italy." I was like, "Free wish."

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't make any wish. I was so drunken on mushrooms every night. We I did a bunch of mushrooms. Yeah. Um that was cool. The lady who owned the village when I met her, I had to like give her my passport to check in and she's like, "You have an Italian surname." Wait, what's so funny? Sorry, I got to I That was definitely my ring camera. And I watched La Mer find out that the Chipotle is here. Felt a buzz. I was like, "That's got to be the ring camera." I saw America. I'm sorry. I'm yapping about it. Chipotle's here.

Dang. I'm sorry. I'm going on and on about it. I was at a wedding this weekend as well and I was at a camp. It was nice. It was like an outdoor. It was like a kids camp where they did a wedding. I saw your flip. Yeah, I saw the flip. I was pumped. Appreciate that. And then I uh I almost reposted it. I was fired up. It was It was all right. A great flip. Thank you. I appreciate the height. It's actually easier to flip from something higher up. How tall was it? Like it was probably like 10 ft. You were hitting flips today. Flips of the D. Yeah. The diving board.

I mean down to Barton Springs and swam in the crisp water together. It was a far swim, dude. It was a hard swim. Yeah, we swam and then we I didn't realize there's a current in that thing. Yeah. We got down we were exhausted. We got down to one end and it was like a [ __ ] We We had the current pushing us and we were both like god damn this is [ __ ] hard. Then we had to go back against it and it was just like [ __ ] Dude, [ __ ] it. Let's stop here. Get to the wall. Yeah. I love that water. It was nice. I had only been there once and I was like before I'd been there. I was like h what's all the hub? I don't It must not be It can't be that. It was the nicest thing.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to try to start. Apparently there's tits there. Yeah. If you go to the non free that No, the free side. What people have free is tits. What? I could be wrong about this, but I think Austin has really loose tit laws. Yeah, they do. Austin does have really loose Austin does have really loose tit laws. Like I think you're allowed to just rock them out. It's open carry. I saw a lady in my neighborhood who didn't look like a crazy homeless lady just had her tits out. Just walked down the street totally tits out and it was just kind of like that would scare me.

Yeah, I would think something was happening. I mean, there was something happening down the driving. I mean, obviously obviously that would It's not even You're right, though. It's not really that horny making. You see it and it was kind of concerned like damn is that lady all right? Really mentally sad. But she didn't she wasn't like if she was naked like oh she's like on drugs she was just walking just kind of pants on looked somewhat normal was just headed titties out in your neighborhood. Yeah. That's really [ __ ] weird.

It was crazy. It was like a year ago. What? Call the cops like bro I'm scared I got my titties. I might do something. You guys better get down here. 911 quick. I don't want them hard as hell. No, it's it it is kind of it's good they cover them up, man. You It's You really need to have And dude, bra I wish there was a bra law. No bra [ __ ] me up. No bra might [ __ ] me up more than just bare titties out. Yeah, bare titties is scary. Walking in a neighborhood bare titties. I'd be like, "That lady's having a mental breakdown."

Yeah. No bra. Yeah, they need to stop. That's concealed carry. That is concealed carry. I like I like Yeah. I don't even want to see your nipples through the bra. That's too much for me, too. It's like if they're sticking out, more padding. Lock them away. It is too. Chassity belt maybe too. Chassis Belt. Handmmaids. We need Handmaid's Tail. I've never seen it, but I'm in. True. Yeah. I watch that [ __ ] Handmaid's tail. Rock. Think I watch girl TV. Handmaid's tail. That's girl TV. It's big time. I watch girl TV. They There's nothing they love more than watching them being like completely suppressed and being like, "This better not happen."

So you guys would be happier. Just tell my wife she handmade sound. I'm like, "You'd actually love this." No, I wouldn't. Like, he'd [ __ ] love it. Yeah. I watched a brutal one. My My wife had control of the movie. I had a movie and then she got to do we did The Kissing Booth. I know. She's like firing up movies she watched a long time ago. Been like, "You're going to love this." And then watching it, she's like, "Oh my god, this is so bad." And I'm like, bro, this is that too. Kissing Booth is, you know, I don't, again, we're post negativity, but there's an aspect of the movie where it's a so it's about a girl who is like best friends with this guy and there, you know, they do like Dance Dance Revolution together and they're just like you're like, "Oh yeah, let's go, bro." And then but then her the guy's older brother is an absolute hunk and she obviously eventually fugs the older brother.

Damn. But then her her friend who's like the little brother is like, "I can't believe you and [ __ ] my brother." It's like, "Thought you guys were friends." Yeah. That's like the whole crux of the movie. It's so dumb. And he also has a girlfriend. So he's Does the little brother ever get to smash? No. Never. They're They're like They'll be like hanging out in the pool. She'll be getting her bra in a pool and be like, "Oh, what are you doing here?" Oh, this is crazy. Let's go, best friend. Kissing booth. Yeah, the kissing booth. It's It stinks.

It's a bad movie. Sounds like a stinker. It's a bad movie, but it's like a What's the [ __ ] guy's name? It's the dude from Salt. Did you see Saltburn? No, but Barry Kean the Yeah, the big hunky guy from Salturn. He's the honk. Yeah, he's also in the [ __ ] hunk, dude. He dude, he's a wild hunk. He's [ __ ] There's pictures of him. He wears cool clothes all the time. Yeah, he's a massive He might be the hunk. I think he is. He's Aquaman. What's that guy's name, dude? He might be number one hunk. I think he is. Aquaman is just too damn much. I feel like Aquaman.

He's like a mythical hunk. Aquaman's a mythical hunk, dude. Yeah, that he's like it's all I just He is a He is a sick show. Aquaman is a It's about the Hawaiian Islands. What about like Yeah. What is it? Jacob Bordi. He is the top. Jacob Lordi is the top honk, dude. Yeah. Big. You got to watch Surn. He hunks out. He's Aquaman has a warrior movie uh in Hawaii. It's pretty sick. Okay. But I was watching it and I was like, we needed the British, dude. We needed gay guys with rifles to show up and go, "Knock it off, hunks.

Knock off the funny. Knock off the honks with sticks coming out of the water. So Aquaman's from Hawaii. Yeah. Dang. Okay. Or one of Pacific Islander. Yeah. Somewhere. I think he's Hawaiian. That makes sense. He's like from where the rock kind of where the rocks from basically. Just think of The Rock and Aquaman running at you and Troy Palamalu and all the [ __ ] Yeah. You need to you need gay British guys. True. Hold on. Listen to us savages. Let's discuss the concept of land ownership. Yeah. He's from Hawaii. Dang.

Honolulu. Yeah, they they crank out. They'll crank out like they'll like spend like every thousand years or something like just like four massive hunks emerge. Some one of them just sprouts up cuz they they're [ __ ] stocky. The volcanoes. Every 150 years it erupts and [ __ ] six hunks head to the mainland and us whites have to be like, "Get them out of here. It's too much of a honk." Yeah. They come out and they're like, "Che." It's a Moana reference. Sorry, guys. Yeah. What's that? Jacob Jacob Lordy, dude. He's a real bad man. We got to get rid of that hunk, dude.

Yeah. I mean, that is a Dude, Salt, you have to watch Salt Burn. It's I can't I heard somebody sucking [ __ ] out of a drain. Dude, I'm not watching. Once one person told me that, I was like, I'm never going to watch that movie. It's just like what would happen if you put the horniest gay psycho around a hunk? Actually, he's more kind of omnisexual, I think. It's pretty funny. Doesn't he [ __ ] the whole family or something? Yeah, he kind of like [ __ ] the whole family. Drinks come out of the bathtub. I didn't know anything about it.

Drinks come out of the bathtub. It's crazy, dude. And you're like, you can tell the guy's obsessed, but it like out of nowhere, you're like w watching a guy take a he's like watching a dude jerk off in the bathtub. And then you're going like, "All right, this is a little intense." And then the as like the last the water's going down, he goes and s and dude, literally I didn't know that was even in the movie. I turned around. I was like, "Jesus Christ." It got me. I have a pretty high tolerance for like weird [ __ ] in movies.

[ __ ] come out of a tub is [ __ ] devastating, dude. That's disgusting. Yeah, it feeding on the shower slugs is crazy. Dude, think of just the prosthetic shower slug they brought in. Even doing that was disgusting. Yeah, apparently. And there's another scene. I don't want to spoil the movie, but uh somebody dies in the movie that's very close to him that he liked a lot. And he starts [ __ ] the fresh soil on his grave. And he apparently he adlibd that from what I heard. Like he just impro they were like, you know, like freak out and cry over his grave and he just on set started [ __ ] the dirt.

Nice. Yeah, it's it's a That was Barry. No, no, no. Bar No, no. Barry is just kind of like Barry's pretty [ __ ] cool the whole time actually. Kind of reminded me of myself. Really? I left the part. The The hunk sucks the cump. No, no, no. The honk. So Barry sucked the cump. Wait, who's Barry? The little Irish. Okay, my bad. I thought Barry was the hunk. Yeah, that guy. He was a little little Irish freak, dude. came in suck my husband coming in the bathtub. I'm going to suck his corn out of the tub. It is funny because again, it is a spoiler, but he like convinces the hunk that he comes from this poor family of criminals and it's just all made up.

Just gay psycho. Gay psycho. Like, my mother was an alcoholic. It was so bad. And then like they visit his parents and there's a nice middle class family and he's like, I [ __ ] it. He's [ __ ] up. Yeah, Surn. It is funny. It's a good Bay movie. Baza love Bae loved watching like aristocracy movies. Huh? That's in my experience. I watched Sinners on the plane for the first time. How was it? No comment. Yeah. Did you like it? Um it was fine. It was pretty cool. The fights were cool. Yeah, that's it was fine. I was a little I felt a little bad cuz I was great. Sinners was great as strong, dude.

Yeah. Huh. It was I thought it was great. And I thought it was I don't think it was like the evil white man movie either. I went into it thinking that was what it was going to be. And I think it was kind of like bonding. It was at the end. Yeah. Yeah. They bonded. Yeah, they bonded. And and I was listening to the director or the writer talk about why he made it Irish and it was cuz he was like, I [ __ ] with Irish [ __ ] Like I was like, I like the music. I like the people. Uh and I I think we have a lot in common. And I think that made sense for the movie. Was kind of kind of sick. Let's do it.

Whatever you say, man. I feel like the Irish The Irish music did get me hyped. Yeah, you go to Dublin that time. Yeah. Yeah, it was cool. I liked it. It There was the one scene where there's like he's playing in the barn and then like a Bootsie Collins type character like manifests and he's like play that part. I was like, "This movie sucks." And then it slowly started winning me back by the end where he kills all the KKK guys. I was like, "All right, this was actually kind of cool." Again, that's tight. Wait, so like he goes beast mode on the KKK.

How's Bootsie Collins come up in the thing? Shows all of black music history. Yeah. It was kind of the gay [ __ ] They got to the twerking part, which I I thought was funny. Like, this is our culture. It's just a lady shaking her [ __ ] Yeah. And like a break dancer. Yeah. It's just as good as old blues. Our culture is uh evolving. It was kind of like Yeah, I that part I hated. It was It was okay and then that part made me hate it and then it sort of won me back with all the cool fights. Yeah. But I still There's some good cool fights, but the the fights had some holes in it cuz like I don't know, whatever. The vampires suddenly became [ __ ] at one point.

Yeah, it was they were like Yeah, the praise and then all the praise it kind of I felt like it was a little overrated. Of course. Yeah. If you want to get into there's a It was neat. It was a neat flick. If you go to uh whatever rides inside that Epcot ball, if you want to get like a they do like a European history or like America kind of like Western Civilization, if you want to get that, it's it's actually I could see it. If you're if you're black, that's probably sick to watch cuz I was on the like that ride in Disney World. It's just like basically European civilization and like from like the dawn of time all the way to modern times. And you kind of do get fired up like damn, this is [ __ ] sick. I [ __ ] I forgot about ancient Greece. That was sick. Yeah. And it goes all the way to the modern time and literally you end you're like there's nothing we can't do. It's pretty sick.

Yeah. So, no seriously. I know. It's just funny. I mean, America. I know. But it's funny to be It's there's nothing we can't do. It's like that's what you got out of that. You went on Epcot and you got out like the white race. I'm telling you that, you know, I'm the least racist guy in America, dude. That's true. Post negativity. But it fight got me. That Walt Disney's [ __ ] anti-semitic propaganda got me. I was like, "Yeah, dude. [ __ ] you." Yeah. It's pretty sick. You just start and it has like these little like animatronic puppets reenacting like all the eons of history and it's actually pretty tight.

It's pretty sick. I went to Epcot once. Did you? My dad just got drunk the entire time. Drank around the world and I was just in fifth grade. He did the around the world. We didn't go on one ride. My mom was like, "It's so nice you're taking him to Disney." Oh, it's so funny. Just watched my dad drink at Disney. That was it. Went on like two rides. He got hammered. Drove home. Beast. That's so tight. Yeah. What was funny is that it's [ __ ] hot out here. Let's get out of here. Let's get the [ __ ] out of here. All right.

That was fun. Yeah. I went to Disney a long time ago. My older brothers were beating me up for a lot of it. I remember I ran away from them and hopped on a boat by myself as a child and like it took me to Epcot and I just walked around alone. Disney World. That's pretty cool. It's pretty sick. I had remember I had still stitches in my lip and I just kind of like walked around with a big cut in my face. Just like went back home. Was like tight. Yeah. No problem. Yeah. A little 10-year-old child. What do you think about a Chipotle break?

Let's take a Chipotle break. I got to pee like I'm out. Chipotle. Time out. This episode is brought to you by Hulu. Glenn Powell is Chad Powers. Coming September 30th to Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus. Eight years after flushing his college football career down the toilet, hot shot quarterback Russ Holiday makes a comeback disguised as Chad Powers. Huh. Sounds like an oddball athletic talent who walks onto the struggling South Georgia catfish, determined to once again take college football by storm. Watch the hilarious new Hulu original series Chad Powers. September 30th, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Terms of blah. This is huge. This is [ __ ] huge, guys. We have some clubs coming up. I am very excited. Here they are right now. Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, New York. October 17th o or October 18th as well. Then Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That's 10:24 10:25. Here comes the big one. Off the Hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida. November 7th, November 8th. That's going to be a good one. Yeah, be a blast. October 17th and 18th, I'm in Las Vegas. And November 7th and 8th, the 7th, November 7th, I'm in San Francisco. November 8th, I'm in Sacramento. And then I got December 4th, Tucson, December 5th, Phoenix. So, come on, y'all. What were we talking about before Chipotle so rudely interrupted us? I think we're talking about Disney World.

I forget. Disney World. Oh yeah. Yeah, Disney World does rule. I went there last year and it's or two, I don't know, year or two ago. It was I was like I was hating on it. I was like, this is going to suck. And I got there and I was like, man, this is actually it's got to be awesome. It's pretty tight, honestly. It just gets too crowded. But isn't there like a conspiracy that they traffic children out of Disney World? That's what I was thinking of when you said you were walking around alone. I was worried you were going to get me, bro.

Not me, man. But no, they uh Not to be negative. I mean, they like kidnap you at this. You could really snag kids there pretty easy. Like it gets so crowded. I got kind of I was there with my kids and at one point at like noon it got so crowded you could hardly move. So you have to like really kind of hold them. They have like a tunnel system under there. And you know what they do in the tunnels? Yeah. Yeah. That's for trafficking kids. I mean Yeah. you it's you know if you were like a child trafficking organization yeah I could see setup shop there be a good scares me honestly I got the coffee jitters right now I'm feeling weird thinking about child trafficking yeah I'm feeling really weird right now they get them yeah I feel weird that I'm talking different I go to a lot of uh I go to a lot of play places and they they worry about that there where they you have to get like this uh like a UV stamp on your

hand that like matches your kids because if the stamps don't match up so I think in Texas they do have like they're like really worried about that cuz You can grab kids and 3 hours gone. But I Yeah. So yeah, you got to be careful. There's even like a there's an old wives sale that the Target near my house is like they'll like chalk tires if they see like just ladies just ladies with their kids will kind of mark your cars and they like kind of wait by it and snag your kids when you come back. I've heard about this.

Could just be ladies scaring each other. Why would they chalk the tires? Just like it marks that way. You kind of like you have someone go by and mark it and then another guy kind of just checks and waits by the car, I guess. I don't know to be honest. That's a Cuz all that would do is see if you moved. That's why you chalk a tire. Really? Yeah. I don't know. You mark it at a certain point. That way when you move, it's a different spot. I was thinking just kind of like put an identifier on there. Be like, "Yo, if you see this, someone coming back to this car so I can be real."

Yeah. Well, yeah. There's It's just ladies go shopping by themselves. Somebody Somebody's like just giving a [ __ ] hookup to a random guy. No, I think it's like one guy's the chalker. Then you have like the kidnappers. I don't know. It's It's just ladies freaking each other out. They go out and drink wine. They're like I think they just start shopping and see Mexican guys like, "Oh, [ __ ] It's coming from my head." But no, there's there's been through like the grape vine of like wives in the area. I've heard of like there's a couple of them that claim to have encounters where like a guy was walking up to the car or something like that.

I've heard I've had heard a few of these stories too. What's going on with the guys? I just want to snag your kids. They're just walking up to the car going, "You are mine. I'm going to get you mine. Hey, can I have your child, please? I'd like to take your kids. Dude, it's my my kids now cuz they're building houses near my house and my kids come out every morning and go "Hola the Mexican dudes." It's funny. It's very sweet. This one guy turned around the other day. He was like, "Hey, hello, guys." And they're like, "Hola."

English is boring. Yeah. And they the dudes get fired up there. They're up on the roof and they my kids are standing there go, "Hola." I had a some one of the guys on the construction site smashed my trash can. What? What the [ __ ] It was an accident. It was with the lull. It was like that like big giant forklift thing. Just smashed my planter and my my trash can. A [ __ ] Yeah. It's always It's weird though cuz like I don't I don't [ __ ] care. It's like all right, we'll get a new trash can. We'll get a planter. Like they're going to pay for it. They're a big construction company and like my wife gets so mad. I'm like, "Yo, this doesn't this literally doesn't matter. Doesn't matter." I I had to go over and talk to him today and like, "Dude, we're so sorry." Sorry. I was like, I don't give a [ __ ] man.

You got to kind of you got to switch it up. I might claim neck injury. You should like, dude, I was right behind the trash can when you hit it and now my neck is killing me. You guys got to redo my front portion. Oh, you guys are a multi-million dollar construction company. I got the plumbers at my house right now, dude. There's roots in the plumbing. And I was embarrassed because I yesterday and today they've been there and I went out like twice or three times and I was like I can like use the toilet, right? Like I I'm like asking them permission to [ __ ] It's they keep being like plers here for the last two weeks.

It's embarrassing. And they I I uh they told me a time. They were like 7:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. No plumbing around 12 12:30 12:45. I was like it's got to be done by now. Sent a dump down the plumbing. It was open. I got phone calls immediately. They're like, "You can't use the toilet." Where'd he go? I don't know. I don't know where the dump went. Where did the pile go? The pile might have come flying at one of those poor [ __ ] Oh no. I mean, I thought they were gone, dude. Oh, dude. It probably flew out of the side of the house.

That's what I'm so worried about. Some Chipotle beer pile came flying right at him. Yeah, that was I could have sworn by 12:45. Where did it go? How the hell do they know? They knew right away. I think it's literally an open pipe. Oh, cuz they they're doing like Yeah. outside work. They came back. Dude, I I was outside last night before they smashed my trash can. And I was like, I had bought a bunch of soils. I'm like planting a bunch of stuff and there was a guy in the behind the fence of the construction site just going like just I think it was I got hit with a dump.

They were gone, dude. No one was here. It wasn't here. It was at my house. I know, but I'm I'm back to defending mine cuz I realize as a listener, you might be very furious at me. I'd be mad if I heard someone else do that. I'd be like, "Fucking wait, I thought they were gone, dude." Oh, the Yeah, true. That's a really evil thing to do. There's probably just a dump behind your wall somewhere. There's been a dump in my wall for [ __ ] two years. They finally fixed it. But don't get me started on these new houses, dude. It's criminal.

Framing framing with 2x4s alone is a criminal move, dude. It's got to be 2 by sixes. Yeah, they they really they they [ __ ] everybody dude. Everything's it's I think this is this is wood, but a lot of the houses are just all plastic. It's like plastic [ __ ] composite wood. It's just basically like mushed together. It's they they really get away with murder and then they just, you know, be like, "This is a luxury house." And you're like "How?" You go, "It's in Austin. It's $8 million." This is They're doing it everywhere. They do it in Philly, too. And it's just they build them. It's Don't get me started, dude.

Pisses me off. It's really It's like a really evil thing to do to like I mean it's one thing to try to like save some money, but they'll like it's going there's going to be massive problems and there's like sue us. Look, I just spent all of my money on this house. I can't sue you. You made the house $10 million. It's two bedrooms. He took all my money. It's crazy. Yeah, it's really shitty. Especially here. They were getting fast and loose with the pool, too. Yeah. I I walked outside the just the hot tub was empty one day. There's water. I don't know where that water went.

Bro, you could have jumped in there and got hurt. I know. That's a big fight. It's deep. Like [ __ ] six feet deep. Cannonball. A hit. Oh [ __ ] You're just stuck down there. We should get real tigious. Yeah, could be tough. I'm going to sue those builders for sure. Yeah, it's time to start suing people. Yeah. Ah, my neck. I should have laid by the trash can like a god damn it. What the hell, man? Yeah, they're pretty funny. The guy was like, "Do you got a neighbor you don't like? Maybe just switch it with your neighbors." I was like, "Brother, [ __ ] it.

I won't be doing that." But yeah, I I think Yeah. Well, whatever. I I do think cuz the guy were like, "Yo, we got it." And then I went to like the actual I guess they had a bunch of their subs and I went to the like the uh foreman or manager, whatever, and I was like, "Hey, just want to follow up on this." And he was like, "What?" He came and saw it and he was like, "Do you know who it was?" And I was like, "Describe the guys." No. He was just kind of I described him. Yeah. Hey man, I don't want them passing the buck.

It's probably tough to describe him. Yeah. How'd you describe him? Well, it was short wearing a crazy outfit jeans. I was like the one guy was like a short kind of plump Mexican guy. Uh I should probably find him. And then Yeah. And the other one was a short plump Mexican. Nice down. Now they got it on with the IM Spartacus. True. They got it on cam. We have one of the They have those giant [ __ ] eyes. It's going to be impossible. It's still going to be impossible. Like a Where's Waldo picture? Yeah. Yeah, true. Well, we'll see. We'll see.

Uh we'll see what they come up with cuz my trash can is [ __ ] up right now. That's [ __ ] How do they even It's plastic, right? Yeah, they just [ __ ] ran it over like giant forklift. It's on a LOL where they like lift. It's like a forklift that like can extend like a boom and go like up like three stories. It's one of those. They've been whipping those things around and yeah, they [ __ ] caught my planter. Luckily, I if I had something in it, I'd have been [ __ ] pissed. But it was empty. So, I got my watermelons growing. I cannot wait to harvest my watermelon.

That's going to be awesome. When do you When does that happen? I don't know. I think I think in a maybe a month or two hopefully before it gets too chilly, so I was I'm pumped about that. I got watermelons and plant some garlic, which is about I heard like a year-long process. Trying to keep the vampires out. You You have a sinner's garden. You have a full sinner's garden. All right. Well, if we're being racist, uh I was at uh Chicken Ship Bingo and it was me and uh three African-Americans. Yeah. And Mhm. Uh they feed the chicken watermelon.

Do they really? Yeah. And I get them. Yeah, I guess. And I was just standing there and I was like, "Don't look, dude. You'll go crazy. If you see what's going on in there, you're going to go crazy. Don't look. Talk about a watermelon fat chicken. Watermelon chicken. Like, don't avert your eyes, bro. Tie yourself to the mess. It's like siren. It's like in France when they dip the pigeons in cognac. Oh, man. That thing's probably good eating too. We've talked about it before. Black people get a terrible rap for that.

Yeah, that sucks. So unfair. The most delicious foods. I told you I was working with a guy one time and we're leaving a construction site and I don't know how we came into this. Wherever we were working, maybe we're next to like a supermarket and someone just like gave us some watermelon and some other stuff and my black coworker was carrying the watermelon. I could tell he was walking home with it and he was or like walking back to the car and at one point he was getting kind of uneasy and I was like, "Bro, you want me to carry that thing for you?" He's like, "Dude, yeah, I I just feel [ __ ] crazy holding this thing."

Last night Brian Simpson walked into the green room eating a banana. Tony immediately was like he took one bite was like a [ __ ] And then I was like Tony you can't eat it. You'd be gay is also funny. I was like you tie your hair back to eat bananas dude. Yeah. Getting crushed stereotypes that hurts. Yeah. True. Especially dude fried chicken so good. So good. And dude meanwhile Koreans are the real fried chicken hounds. Koreans love fried chicken. Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they've, you know, they protected the merchandise around you.

Now, the Korean black connection. Korean black connection strong. True. Very strong. I used to work for a very racist Korean man who was stabbed twice. That'll do it. Yeah. He's He's, you know, he's got his dude. I'd be pretty upset. He wasn't even stabbed twice. I'd be like, "Yeah, I'm raced." Yeah. And he the store he was he was in a convenience store that sold 40s. He's like, "I worked in a 40 deli. Very bad neighbors. You always go to neighbors. The neighbors were very bad. The neighbors got stabbed. The neighbors [ __ ] That's I mean down the 40 deli.

He's wearing he was wearing his very socks and flipflops. Dude, you're going to die in there. You got to go down with the ship in the 40 deli. 40 deli dude in North Philly is just Oh, it's crazy. Polo polo fleece, socks of flip flops being like, "Oh, wait a minute." Getting [ __ ] poked for the 40. Two Silver Thunders. Like, let them go, bro. They cost you $3. Let them go. They do defend their wares. Oh yeah. You're not shoplifting, dude. They're coming out with a broom. Hit you with a stick, dude. They have ninja turtle.

He kept that he kept that thing on him. Oh really? He used to love to show us. Me and my brother work for him. He'd be like, "Pull it out." I'm like, "Dude, sick, man. What's up? Use it, [ __ ] Shoot someone." You had a gun on you and you got stabbed twice. I think that's I think that's the reason you got the gun finally. Yeah. after the stab me twice. Stab me twice. Get stabbed. He He wasn't like He wasn't like He wasn't vitriolic or like mean about it. He'd be like cuz I would like have to deliver to like certain areas and he'd be like be very careful.

Lots of bad people. He's just like, "You might get stabbed. Be careful." Yeah. Was never mean. But yeah, that was the one time he teetered on the edge when he That's fair though. That's like uh He got stabbed. If you get stabbed twice and somebody's going back to that neighborhood, that would be like somebody going to like Elm Street, you'd be like, "There's Freddy Krueger there, so like Michael Myers lives in that neighborhood." So just you might get [ __ ] stabbed. It's a horror movie. That's terrifying. I've talked about it before, but it always make me laugh cuz he he's always rattling off business ideas. And the one time he was like talking about pet shops, he's like, "Uh, pet shops is a good business." And I was sitting there and I was like, "Okay."

Like just waiting for another delivery. I don't know what's next. Uh, black people love the pitb. And I was like, "Yo, bro, come on." But he was like not being he was like, "No, no, dude. Buy a lot of stuff at a peaoo." And I was like, "All right, so where are these going?" He's like, he's like, "Oh, I'll be very careful." Dude was funny as hell. I told you he showed my brother his dick. I forgot about this. I'd like to hear about it again. Showed my brother his dick. He was just complaining how he couldn't get hard. He couldn't get any power. He caught it power. Oh, I got no power.

I have no power. No power. I'm going to steal that. He like had just showed my brother his gun. Then he goes and just flashed in his pants. I was like, "Yo, what the fuck?" Oh, no power. Dude was the [ __ ] man. Yeah, it sounds like it. So funny. That was the guy who told me if if I get my girlfriend pregnant, I lose. Like, I'll make sure to work on him. You get her pregnant or you lose. He's a [ __ ] beast. He's all over it, dude. He was I wonder what he's up to now. He's probably been stabbed a third time by now.

He would sit I would drive deliveries. He would sit in the passenger side Indian style and just be like and just sing Korean songs to himself. Such a beast. Yeah. He was a man. He had a beamer and he just eventually just started loading it with beer, cases of beer and just be like take my car and just you just trashed his car. The Koreans are very fly. It's they're the flyest Asians by far. So let them be known. Chinese people get fly, but it's kind of like space age fly. Yeah. Korean just like cop beamers [ __ ] crush crush fried chicken. Really sick.

It definitely peeped game, dude. Showing your dick to your boys though is nice. Like having no Yeah. Having no [ __ ] any worries at all. Just be like, "Dude, I can't even get hard. Look at this thing." No, dude. He's nuts. It's crazy. It's also too like you can diagnose that problem by looking at a man's classic penis. Really soft right now. Yeah, dude. You're not lying. Your penis is soft as hell. So small. It's [ __ ] Tuesday at 10 a.m. Look how small my penis is. What the [ __ ] We're in a chili warehouse in December at 10 a.m. It's crazy your dick is so soft.

I saw your face, Nate. You didn't like that. You didn't like that. I I got away with saying that. Well, no, it's fine. I was like, it's nice. It's It's nice you can kind of show your dick to some guy. And I just watched naked. He's like, and I'm zesty. No, no, I'm embracing it now. I'm leaning in. this far. I just was I just still had that normalize it. Yo, normalize it. Yeah. Just post up and be like, "What's up, guys? Do a cool handshake and go." Bust out. Sit on Lamar's egg for him. He's a dragon egg. I'm going to hatch it.

Wait what? Excuse me? He's got a Mir's got a dragon egg. I'm going sit on it and hatch it for him. It's a whole thing where you're joking around. I'll be the sit on La Mer's dragon egg. Sit on his dragon egg. You guys really don't know how to joke around about gay stuff, do you? This is crazy, dude. It is new to them. You guys are the first generation to adopt to the white way of being cursing. Yeah. Like, wait, that's not how you use it. What the [ __ ] What the damn. Yo, I'm going to [ __ ] throw up my boy. Just [ __ ] smack his balls.

Yeah, I touched your peers today. You got me underwater. What? Underwater? Yeah, bro. Bro, there's levels to this [ __ ] Yeah, that's how you do it. Well, you guys are once you master swimming. You guys are going to get swimming and gay [ __ ] Some guy some guy was like, "You want to try these goggles?" I was like, "Yeah, I'll try them." And I put on goggles. Immediately just went underwater. Squeeze balls. He got a cold water penis in his hand. There's nothing wrong with going underwater and giving someone a little because you can hear it through the water which is very funny.

Yeah, I had a little I was working with a little crappy I had no power. I would want no one. Yeah, true. I didn't even think about that. I didn't I didn't get a grip, just so you know. I was just laughing like dang that was that was not a good one. Yeah, if somebody caught my in there caught a goldfish. There's a goldfish around. That was a guppy down there. It was Finding Nemo. Yeah, water was cold. I It was refreshing though, man. But yeah, it was chilly. I was so Yeah, I just had to jump right in, man. I could I can't walk in. I got to just Oh, dude.

I thought I could Godzilla walk it. That's a tough Godzilla walk. Stop halfway. It's worse. It's worse doing that. It got worse. That was my second time swimming today. Godzilla walks powerful though in the cold water. It's very tight. That is very tight. But yeah, the die landed right on my back. I tried to I just wanted to feel out a gainer off the diving board. It's hilarious, bro. [ __ ] landed flat on it. My back felt like it was on fire. It hurt so bad, but whatever. That's what happens. It was fine. Back the back flips have been I I have a back flip around, dude. You're over You're going too far. Yeah, you're getting too much.

Front flip. I landed like Yeah. Right on my [ __ ] face. Yeah, you're overextending on these flips. Got it. You're too powerful. I got to get to the one and a half. That'd be nasty. Hitting a one and a half would be cool. You're close. I could. Yeah, if I kept ripping, I could definitely do it. You ever see those videos of uh the African-American youth jumping into the pool with all of their clothes on? I think that's a Memphis thing. I love that. Yeah, it's very fun to watch. We should do that at Barton Springs. We could do that at Barton Spain. It'd be tough to get out fast.

True. You got to keep kind of cycling. Yeah. Yeah. I I was at a wedding recently and and uh I had it was a black wedding and a lot of people were jumping in that night like in all their clothes and I was like kind of confused like what is it? Then I saw the internet I was like okay it's a viral trend. Were they doing that? I wasn't there. Lay flat. Oh we got we got uh we got the video they went back and uh we were at a different resort and then they went back. I don't know why I thought that was a Memphis thing. Could be right.

Will you look that up? Will you look into that? Jarvis could have started in Memphis. I don't know why. It's how I got to Yeah, it's it's a uh it's pretty crazy. I mean, it looks cool in the video when you jump in with all your clothes, but then like what do you do after? Cut a rug. True. Stab a crayon. Go to the 40 store and go, "This is mine." Well, like people were flipping in the pools, but then like Yeah. Yeah. A lot of Memphis. This what YouTube has showed me. They're all like Memphis pool parties look like this.

Yeah. Yeah. It looks sick as hell. I I do like the black streaming game. Yep. It's [ __ ] sick. I don't understand any of it, but there is massive fortunes being amassed. Yeah. Kai show speed. Yeah. It's just [ __ ] the line of chat flying down. This dude's like, it's pretty sick. Yeah Kodak. I kind of want to steal it and have had a great appearance. Codex was so good. A little glitch for the Twitch. [ __ ] awesome. I kind of want to steal the swag and for all of our episodes has like a fake chat log flying down just be like CTFU skulls. CTF skulls.

Fire fire. Before an apartment speed went to the stand. I know. I saw that. Saw that. I didn't realize he went into the show and those cameras have like a huge light on it. Oh god. While Aaron Berg was on stage and he's just in the back filming Aaron Berg with a huge spotlight on him. Oh my god. And then he went on stage, did a backflip, barked, and then ran out. Yeah, that's pretty tight. Pretty sick. Yeah. That's what it's all about now. Jungle Joe made an appearance. Who's that? The jungle Joe. Oh nice nice nice nice nice.

We're in an hour. Okay. Hell yeah. Niva. Yeah, there it is. Ciao. Bye.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)"?

In order: 0:00 Jimmy Kimmel, Lam Mer, Tuscany; 10:00 Prize Pick; 20:00 Chipotle; 30:00 Chad Powers, Bricktown Comedy Club, Chipotle, Glenn Powell; 40:00 Chipotle, Tucson.

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

18 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Chipotle, Prize Pick, Epcot, Chad Powers, Hulu, Lam Mer. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)"?

The episode runs 1 h 2 min; the transcript is about 13,230 words in 112 timestamped sections.

More from Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.