Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)

What this episode is about

The content features a humorous conversation among comedians Louis J. Gomez and Lemaire Lee as they discuss the dynamics of comedy, personal impressions, and the challenges of audience reception. The discussion highlights the importance of laughter in bridging divides and the varying perceptions of humor within the comedy community.

Key takeaways

• Healing divides is easy when laughter is the only prescription; comedy truly has divine properties.
• In the podcast universe, fan loyalty reigns supreme—death threats or not, it’s a 50/50 love-hate ride.
• Claiming comedians 'couldn't cut it' in New York masks the real truth: many just wisely avoid the grind.
• Austin’s comedy scene offers a soft landing, but is it nurturing talent or breeding complacency?
• Unlikability may be the ultimate catalyst for creativity—just ask the podcast hosts who built their own empires.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Matt McCusker (Host) · 33 min speaking
• Shane Gillis (Host) · 29 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Jeffrey Epstein, Louis J. Gomez, BetterHelp, Tony Hensliff
2. 10:00 – 20:00: BodyBrain Coffee, Rich Dad Poor Dad, BetterHelp, Jeffrey Epstein
3. 20:00 – 30:00: Megan Thee Stallion, Kid Rock
4. 30:00 – 40:00: Jeffrey Epstein
5. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Aubrey Plaza
6. 1:00:00 – 1:10:00: Jeffrey Epstein
7. 1:10:00 – 1:20:00: The Holocaust Museum

Notable quotes from "Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)"

• Balls. And we, we're I'm I'm very close with Tony. He's the [ __ ] man, right? He's a friend. and he puts me on a show every time I come to Austin. but yeah, dude. He just started. He was Yeah, who does New York got? And I was just like,.

  about Tony Hensliff · at 2:41

• [ __ ] man. We had another person on the show giving me his vibes. a good friend of the show actually. Peter Aia actually big help guy.

  about Peter Attia · at 6:04

• Look, doggy. First of all, I'm one of the only comics on the Epcene list for real.

  about Jeffrey Epstein · at 6:49

• Thank you. And guys, real quick, let me tell you about Lewis Gomez's new BodyBrain coffee. If you're like most men right now, energy is lower, focus is scattered, and testosterone levels are.

  about Louis J. Gomez · at 12:15

• Like legitimately, it's actually one of the best ideas I've ever The thing, dude, people hate on Trump, dude. I read The Art of the Deal. That's a great book, dude. He really understands.

  about Art of the Deal · at 15:59

• Jeffrey Epstein recommended that book by the way. That's on the J reading list.

  about Rich Dad Poor Dad · at 17:30

• Hey, dude. It activate. They got like old Manurion candidate whenever like Megan the Stallion comes on and her all her friends are like stop. You guys are [ __ ] 30.

  about Megan Thee Stallion · at 24:09

• Yeah, but they I know they would take like the last sur they had did a bunch of interviews with the last surviving like Holocaust people and they Yeah, they like Sorry, such a funny segue.

  about The Holocaust Museum · at 1:11:29

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Louis J. Gomez — Person · Main guest · 1 mention · first at 0:03
  Central guest driving the conversation—comedy-scene rivalry (NYC vs Austin), industry acceptance, and multiple long tangents (Epstein list, AI, VR porn). Also has an ad-read promoting his coffee brand.
• Jeffrey Epstein — Person · Referenced public figure / scandal focal point · 5 mentions · first at 6:26
  A recurring reference point for discussing “the list,” emails/flight logs, billionaire impunity, and reputational weaponization; also used for dark comedy bits.
• Tony Hensliff — Person · Referenced comedian / peer · 1 mention · first at 2:24
  Used as the catalyst for the NYC vs Austin comedy-scene argument; described as a close friend who books Louis on shows in Austin.
• Peter Attia — Person · Referenced expert / prior guest · 1 mention · first at 6:08
  Brought up as a “help guy” (health/longevity) and prior show guest; discussed in relation to Epstein-email optics and public backlash.
• Megan Thee Stallion — Person · Referenced musician (example in music/rap tangent) · 2 mentions · first at 24:10
  Used in a tangent about “hard female rap” as workout motivation and a discussion of the shooting incident and related controversy.
• Elon Musk — Person · Referenced billionaire / example in Epstein-email talk · 1 mention · first at 6:44
  Mentioned as an example of a prominent figure appearing in Epstein-related email chatter; used to illustrate how embarrassing the optics can be.
  Can I come to your wildest party?
• Kid Rock — Person · Referenced musician (joke/example) · 1 mention · first at 29:20
  Mentioned as a recurring punchline about halftime shows and then jokingly tied to “the list” discussion.
  He was in the I think they said he was in the list, too.
• Aubrey Plaza — Person · Referenced actor/celebrity (aside/joke) · 1 mention · first at 58:20
  Brought up in a tangent about an Amy Poehler podcast and a crude/rumor-like anecdote; not central to the episode’s main themes.
  That was the podcast where she was I don't really feel bad about my husband dying either.

Books & papers

• Rich Dad Poor Dad — Book · Referenced work · 2 mentions · first at 16:03
  Mentioned in the context of financial advice and personal development.
• Art of the Deal — Book · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at 16:02
  Mentioned as a book that provides insight into business strategies.

Products & tech

• BodyBrain Coffee — Product · Primary owned · 2 mentions · first at 12:19
  Promoted by Louis Gomez as his own coffee brand with functional ingredients.
  Thank you. And guys, real quick, let me tell you about Lewis Gomez's new BodyBrain coffee. If you're like most men right now, energy is lower, focus is scattered, and testosterone levels are.

Places & events

• The Holocaust Museum — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at 1:11:40
  Mentioned in the context of a discussion about technology and history.

Sponsors

• BetterHelp — Product · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at 9:51
  Promoted as a therapy service with a discount offer during the podcast.
  So, next time you're feeling iffy about your love life, try therapy with BetterHelp and see where it takes you.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Wow. Wow. Wow. Wes. Hey, we're live. Goddamn. What's going on? Louis J. Gomez, Laame Mayor Lee. I'm just trying to I'm trying to heal the just trying to heal the divide, man. Trying to heal the divide. It's just been Man, laughter is such a divine medicine. And I see you guys fighting. I'm going, "What the hell are we doing?"

0:20 Look at that. Podcast over. That was it. We did it, boys. Yeah. No more No more ranking comedians. Let's just say we're all equal, right?

0:27 Yeah. Everyone, everyone's [ __ ] the same. You guys have Louis K, you know, appreciate you. We're uh

0:35 either way, how you guys doing, man? Chilling, dude. Thanks for having me. I I love it. I love the the Matt and Shane community.

0:40 Thank you, dude. Yeah. Yeah, you guys are great. It's like one of the only podcasts that like the the fans of it like me. At first, it was weird. Like, cuz most other podcasts they got to see me like at least 40 50 times before they get it. Usually, it's just like death threats calling my son gay. But, you know, I'd say a good 50/50 on the Matt and Shangh.

0:59 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I'm not even going to lie, dude. It's It's Yeah, I'm a tough pill to swallow. I make bad first impressions.

1:06 Do you really? Yeah. What? Yeah. I've always thought First time I met you, I'm like, "Sky rules."

1:12 Yeah. Yeah. I think No, me and you got along. Maybe that's why the the you you and Shane really get me

1:16 and so I think the fans that you know follow you guys, they kind of whatever it is, they you know, you guys are seeing something that these guys

1:22 rough around the edges. That's all. But I'm I'm not funny or creative according to La Mer. So it's not even it's not even for me. I don't care. But as long as you guys think that

1:29 say you're the worst member of the ranks. He said he's trying to heal the vibe. I don't care.

1:34 He said I'm not I'm not as funny as Danny Braph, which is [ __ ] up cuz Danny Brah's a funny young comic.

1:39 He said Danny Braph caught a stray. And uh and I'm talking I'm funnier than Danny Braph. So at the very least I may be the least funny member of the regs, but I'm funnier than the producer. Okay, I could give you funnier than Danny Bra, but you did it first. You said 80% of the comics who moved down to Austin, especially what a dirty lie. Hold on. We have We have the numbers wrong. Can we get a fact check on the

2:03 number? Yeah, these numbers. We What are you [ __ ] Rogan? You're just [ __ ] throwing false facts out there. You're trying to get this [ __ ] demonetized. There was no number. I said most of the comics, which I guess you could deduce 80%. Fine. You know what? I agree with that. 80% is the number. That's the right number. Actually, I didn't say it, but now that I think about it,

2:22 yeah, I got caught up in the moment. Yeah, you're Yeah, I got caught up in the moment. Tony Hensliff triggered me, right? Triggered you.

2:28 He started talking [ __ ] about New York in text, right? And I was like, "Ooh, [ __ ] Tony, you're so He's already won. He's already rich. He's already got all the fans. Just be happy about it. That's it." But for some reason, every time he's with me, he likes to bust my balls. And we, you know, we're I'm I'm very close with Tony. He's the [ __ ] man, right? He's a friend. Um, and he puts me on a show every time I come to Austin. Um, but yeah, dude. He just started. He was like, "Yeah, who does New York got?" And I was just like, "Oh." And then I went under the rags and I started talking [ __ ] And you get caught up in the moment. There's bravado. You're in the You're like, So, I said something that was pretty I said actually something that was untrue, which is that most of the comics that came down here couldn't cut it in New York. Most of the comics that came down here didn't even try to cut it in New

3:08 York. They knew better than to not go to New York, which is the toughest comedy scene. It's like training with a [ __ ] thousand pound vest on, dude. It's very hard.

3:16 Yeah. It's and the crowds down here are are the best. They're the like literally the crowds down here, they want to laugh at [ __ ] up [ __ ] edgy [ __ ] So you come down here, you're like, "Oh, this is [ __ ] great." But the bigger point is that in New York, it's just tougher. Like these are [ __ ] like dumb [ __ ] and they're [ __ ]

3:32 boyfriends and there's like make us laugh. And you got to like try to break through that, which is tough.

3:35 Yeah, cuz everybody's entitled and a clunch up there. Come on, bro. Well, everybody. You see what I'm saying? Like not even 80%. What an [ __ ] It's crazy. It's what La Mer says is just [ __ ] crazy.

3:47 Yeah, I was I personally think La Mer charm. You got to go back to just pure peace dude.

3:52 I can't be pe I'm You have to be peaceful. You're not a fighter bro. I'm a bad boy, dude. I'm a fighter.

3:56 You're not a bad boy, dude. I'm a I'm a bad boy. You need to You're your charm is like a deep Buddha nature, dude.

4:01 Yeah. Be like you're likable. You're the sweet. Like, that's the thing. You're the sweetest thing ever. Like, you know, and

4:06 you're like the Olsson twins. You're like both the Olsson twins. I had a countdown clock for Mir's 18th birthday. I feel like if Olson went and started popping off, you'd be like, "No, you guys are beautiful babies."

4:18 N man, you can't get anything being too nice. People forget about you. That's not true, man.

4:22 That's so true. You want people to ruin for you. I don't want anybody rooting for me,

4:26 bro. I'm not like I'm not likable. I had to go start a comedy festival, a production company, a podcast network. I had to literally create my own industry cuz I'm so unlikable that the industry wouldn't accept me. Like, you're not going to do that, La Mer. You're tired.

4:38 Wait, outside of this, do you think the industry has accepted me? Um, but you're you're still a you're still young in this. People see you. I know you're old as [ __ ] and [ __ ]

4:49 you're going to lose your foot soon, but we're you're still a young buck. I get you've been doing comedy for for [ __ ] 12 years or whatever, but in comedy the first 10 years you're figuring it out. The second 10 years it's turning into a career. So, you're getting impatient and instead of like letting this bloom because you have some opportunities in front of you. People know who you are. People people knowing you is half the [ __ ] battle, right? So don't ruin that by not being who you truly are, which is like people like you're not a mean, nasty boy. You're a nice boy and people will [ __ ] the next decade, bro. You'll literally blow the [ __ ] up because people are rooting for you and they want to grease the wheels for you.

5:23 You that that's is I don't know. I think that's the way to do it. Like got to be a nice boy.

5:27 You got to be a nice boy. You're at the stage where the nasty egg is hatching. You have to kill the baby nasty dragon before it takes over your life. The nasty dragon takes over the life of many.

5:36 Yeah, dude. It hatches in you and goes, "It's my time. more and it'll literally kill you.

5:43 Yeah. Turn you into a bitter. This is the one of the five years in comedy is like the worst time because like that's when your friends are starting to get some [ __ ] and you're like getting impatient. Then 10 years when you're not making the money you want to make. You're like [ __ ] But this next decade is about how you turn it into a business. Now the business is just open now. It's you just opened the doors. That's it.

6:01 Yeah. Look, you and you have your coffee too. You actually you remind me of um [ __ ] man. We had another person on the show giving me his vibes. a good friend of the show actually. Peter Aia actually big help guy.

6:13 I read his book, dude. Dude, we had him on. I I loved it. I was disheartened when I saw all the stuff,

6:20 dude. And it was really like, you know, in his defense, he was purely he like I don't know what happened, but it didn't look like he did anything. He was just sing so hard for J.

6:30 And it was such a rough look, dude. Like like imagine like I left the garage door open recently and my wife like spazzed like people could have came in here, dude. If I got busted sing for Epstein in the emails just being like, "Dude, [ __ ] ruin.

6:44 Can I come to your wildest party?" That was Elon Musk. Yeah, that was the most man.

6:49 I mean, look, doggy. First of all, I I'm one of the only comics on the Epcene list for real.

6:53 What did he say? No, no, the uh Epcene uh like I saw him for the 50th time. That guy was

6:59 He's like, "Dude, this guy also loves new bile young women." He uh I I think he was talking to Woody Allen. I think it was Woody Allen. They were emailing about a show at the comedy seller and they were like, "Uh, let's go to this one. It's the 10:30 show." And it was me and Big Jay and a few other comics on the show. So me and Big Jay are both on the And probably saw us do comedy. He We probably inspired some of the [ __ ] that he did on that island to be honest with you.

7:25 Yeah, you and Big Jay love eating babies. Yeah, I can't stop laughing about just getting busted just trying to bro down with Epstein have being like didn't didn't like think anything of it just had a dinner with him like

7:39 he's like yeah there's so many dorks on the list though on the Epstein list like who like email Epstein and they're like bro that party was [ __ ] lit like you know

7:49 yeah they were you hung out with like nerd scientists just exclusively dorks I mean smart there's so many that I feel like it's like it's coming like my ADHD like I'm going like ah I'll let them get away with it. I can't deal with this. Like whatever whatever they were doing, dude. It's just so many [ __ ] people and so many emails.

8:07 Yeah. It's also nothing's everyone's waiting for like this smoking gun, dude. It's they're billionaires. They've deleted that [ __ ] Yeah.

8:14 Like you know what I mean? Like it's not like the FBI is some like nonporous box of like superhuman individuals are like I'd never contradict my value.

8:23 A billionaire has [ __ ] online they want off. They're like, "Hey, here's 10 million bucks. the FBI. I got you.

8:28 I think the smoking gun is in Tossy Gabbard's office. She's getting in trouble now.

8:32 It's Dude, there's no smoking gun. They've deleted it. Dude, if you're a billionaire,

8:35 you have a,000 million. Yeah, it's a lot. You put it that way. It's not that much.

8:40 It's so much, dude. It's so much. Just 1,000 million. Do you ever do you ever see like um

8:45 so [ __ ] much million? That's crazy. The difference between a million dollars. What are you talking about?

8:50 The difference between a million Was it hours or minutes? So like a million minutes versus like a billion minutes. And a billion minute like a million a million minutes is like back in like the 70s or whatever. And a billion minutes is like Jesus times. Like that's how far back like that's how much a billion is.

9:05 No, I saw a video where they explain like mathematically like all right if you have a million bucks here's what you can buy. If you have a billion dollars and it's like you spend this million and then you have this and you have and it just never ends. And then the the interest that's acrewing off a billion dollars. I think if you have

9:18 what is it? If you have like $6 million you can get $100,000 a year in interest.

9:24 Yeah. So if you times that by whatever a billion is however millions thousand more you have a thousand more 100 thousand exactly our brains can't even

9:36 those numbers don't even exist I my my [ __ ] brains I have to call my Jew [ __ ]

9:51 this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp No relationship is perfect. Married, single, just dipping your toe into the pool, they take work. Talk about any recent struggles you've found in your relationship or while trying to find a partner slash a date. Um, for me, it's really been coming out as Polly to my wife. Um, just, you know, trying to get some play partners, which my wife would obviously be my anchor partner, but I uh

10:19 You got sister wives. Well, well, Nate, don't make fun of my lifestyle. It's It's more so about, you know, she's my anchor, obviously. My bad.

10:28 But I'm worried that I might like, you know, connect with one of my play partners on the level to where she becomes my anchor.

10:33 It's a big risk. Exactly. I don't know how my wife would take, you know, part of me would be like, well, you know, her being my play partner would be kind of like rekindling, you know, parts of our relationship,

10:42 which is nice. Which is nice, but I think they want that anchor cred. So, yeah, I'm just really struggling with that right now in terms of my poly lifestyle.

10:52 Um, especially since most of my uh play partners are men. So, that's been troublesome. But, we we're definitely, you know, I've I've been honest with her and she appreciates that.

11:03 That's all that counts. And I I make sure she's there every time I'm playing with a man. I have my anchor there just to film everything and squirt baby oil on us. Guys, every relationship has its ups and downs. But for those moments where I really struggled, I found um yes, therapy, couples therapy, I I bring my my anchor and my male play partners to couples therapy has helped us a lot just figure out everything. And news slash people, we're all just figuring it out. No relationship is perfect all the time, and that's okay.

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12:01 Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.comssp. That's betterhp.comssp. Oh, B tre LP.comssp. Thank you. And guys, real quick, let me tell you about Lewis Gomez's new BodyBrain coffee. If you're like most men right now, energy is lower, focus is scattered, and testosterone levels are not what they used to be. And pounding regular coffee just makes things worse. Jitters, crashes, and anxiety. That's where BodyBrain coffee comes in. Bodybrain is premium Colombian coffee blended with functional ingredients designed to support both mental and physical performance. It includes Tonged Ali which supports healthy testosterone levels, ashwagandha to help manage stress and cortisol. Lion's mane for focus, memory, and mental clarity, and eltheanine, which smooths out the caffeine so you can get clean energy without the crash. It tastes like real coffee because it is. You just feel more dialed in afterwards. Drink it hot,

13:00 cold, or mix it in with your favorite protein drink. If you're drinking coffee every day, it makes sense to drink one that actually does something for you. Go to bodybrain coffee.com. Use codems ms20 for 20% off. That's bodybrain coffee.com. Promo code ms20. Back to the show.

13:18 Yeah, man. It's [ __ ] uh it's all [ __ ] wild out there. It's all divided, too. People like people are crazy. They're like whatever political side you're on, like everyone else in the list is a pedophile, and anyone on your side, it's like, nah, dude. They were cool.

13:30 Yeah, my guy was going for charity. They're all pedophiles. Yeah, they're all pedophiles.

13:35 There's a lot of pedophiles. There's more pedophiles than you think. Man, I was trying to make this point along a couple years ago and everybody got mad at me, but I was like, "Nobody gives a [ __ ] about pedophiles. You guys act like you care, but you don't really care."

13:46 They care. What do you mean? They don't care. How do they not care? That's all anyone's talking about is trying to find out who's a pedophile.

13:52 Yeah, but what do you do once you find out they're a pedophile? They're despised. Like, they're just despised. They lose. They lose everything.

13:59 I mean, yeah. What are you talking about? You go to jail very often. Not if you got a thousand millions. Like, you know, you're not despised. money though.

14:05 I think if you if you become a billionaire, they should give you like two babies that you get to raise

14:11 to do whatever you want with. That's a big to become a billionaire. Trump's baby bill was about that. Every baby gets a,000 bucks now.

14:20 Every baby, that's what they're pushing for. Every baby you get a,000 bucks in an interest bearing account.

14:24 What is the baby going to do? By the time you're 18, yeah, it you have 50,000. That's great. That's smart. I like that. Sometimes Trump says things you're like, that's not so bad.

14:32 People are attacking it though. Isn't that Gerbers? Like that's what Gerbers used to do. You put money in that account and then by the time you're 18, they'd give it to you.

14:40 Did Gerbers do that? Yeah. I didn't know that. I just started an investment account for my son and my niece.

14:44 Yeah. And I'm just [ __ ] dumping money into it cuz I I figure by the time I'm ready to like die, I'm not going to have anything left. I am Puerto Rican. So, uh and uh Yeah. Yeah. So, I I'm just

14:57 You just have all your tattoos. Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing the math. guys want to like when they when they turn 30, they're getting a big fat check. It's like a trust. Um, and uh

15:06 yeah, you can't give it to when they're 18 or 21. That's like 21 is the new like 12.

15:12 But here's my thing, dude. If I had gotten that 50k at 18, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache going through like weird weed suppliers. I could have like became the boss in the weed game.

15:21 You could have easily $50,000 at 18, you can literally, Dude, you flip that 20 pack dude.

15:26 You got bucket. you you're like, I just bought [ __ ] 30 lbs of weed. It's just it's just crumbling. It's all stale now. There's somebody especially back in like the early 2000s. That would have been like 20 pounds of weed. I could have probably even more, honestly. 30.

15:41 Could have bossed up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Know at 18 if you would I mean you I would have just spent it on drugs and [ __ ] and you know a shitty car. I would have had a Honda Civic with Acura rims and

15:52 but you know a lot of people are against it. I don't I don't think it's a bad idea honestly. give every baby a thousand bucks.

15:57 I think that's actually a great idea. Like legitimately, it's actually one of the best ideas I've ever The thing, dude, people hate on Trump, dude. I read The Art of the Deal. That's a great book, dude. He really understands. People like, "Dude, he doesn't know [ __ ] about business." Like liberal people. You're like, "Hey, you have no idea." He turned a few million dollars that his dad g I get that his dad gave him a few million dollars, right? He turned it into billions of dollars. It's not an easy task.

16:17 On paper. What do you mean on paper? On paper. That's all it is. That's all the the billionaires. It's just on paper. They don't actually have a bill. They don't have a billion dollar bill.

16:29 Yes, it's all auntie pill. You are so auntie. I'm not auntie pill, dude. I'm standing up for my beliefs.

16:37 Yeah, but yeah, I I'm not a Trumper at all, but it's like impressive as [ __ ] what he like what he did.

16:42 Standing my ground, man. Stand my ground, bro. I know. It's also It's hard to just not have a million dollars and lose a million dollars.

16:48 Yeah. You know what I mean? It's hard. You should, though. What do you mean? If you have a million dollars, you should lose a million dollars. What do you mean? spend it all.

16:55 Yeah. You wouldn't Why not turn it into a billion dollars on paper? Why do you What do you need a billion dollars on paper?

17:00 You keep going away being a pedophile, dude. We already talked about this. What are you talking about?

17:06 We're going in circles. Here's the thing. If you have a billion dollars, you can get out of a DU if you have if you have like a couple mill, you might be able to grease the wheels for a DUI.

17:14 Yeah. That's why you think guys are working so hard to get a bill. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean?

17:19 I don't get it, man. Well, you know, that's it's money mindset bro. Chucking money mindset.

17:26 I got poverty mind. You got to read Rich Dad Poor Dad. Jeffrey Epstein recommended that book by the way. That's on the J reading list. That's a new opera reading.

17:36 I bet you I read every book on the J reading list. Do we have the J reading list?

17:40 I just heard the email where he was just like uh giving this lady books to read.

17:44 Wish that poor dad's pretty good, dude. It's not bad. I like it. It's kind of a [ __ ] you to his dad, though.

17:48 Yeah. Well, cuz his dad was the poor dad. I know. That's [ __ ] embarrassing. The worst that was his best friend's dad, which is hilarious.

17:54 Yeah. If my son wrote a book, if I had a son, he was like, "Yeah, I like gay dad, straight dad." He was like, "Yeah, he was my gay [ __ ]

18:01 loser [ __ ] dad who didn't know anything." Shane was a straight. And also, by the way, the the the poor dad had pretty good advice. Like, go to school, work hard. He's like, "What a [ __ ] [ __ ] What a little [ __ ] my dad was." Oh, [ __ ]

18:18 Damn. Rich dad gay dad. I'm start writing that right now. dead game. Well, damn, dude. So, what else has been up, man? You you on your What What do you uh I always like that you have either you're training for like some sort of fight or you usually do have some sort of like health thing in mind. Where you at?

18:34 Yeah. Well, I'm I'm down 25 pounds since Christmas. So, you're losing right now?

18:37 Yeah, I'm losing weight right now. You on the belly shot? What' you say? Are you on the shot?

18:41 No. Okay, bro. I don't do any I don't inject anything into my body. I don't take testosterone. I don't [ __ ] take, you know, what do they call them? GPS GLP GLP

18:50 GLP. Yeah, I'm skeptical of all that stuff too. No, I think it's ter I think you're not you're not supposed to inject that [ __ ] into your body. I think it's going to turn into some crazy [ __ ] in the future.

18:57 Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Also, everyone who takes them, they have like [ __ ] bones are disappearing and [ __ ] They got like osteoporosis. Some hot chick who used to be fat and she's [ __ ] She's like,

19:09 "Yeah, my I I uh I like worry about that. I I like to I would like to save that stuff when I'm like 80 years old and just make the craziest comeback."

19:17 Yeah. just let my body like go like to the brink basically and just rebuild myself.

19:22 I mean, if you're like, you know, [ __ ] wildly overweight. Uh you you know, it's better than it's better than being wildly overweight to you know, if that's the only thing if you're not going to get off the couch and move and eat right, which is like that's the answer. The answer's right in front of you. You don't need to [ __ ] uh you don't need to do anything. Oh, not if you

19:41 I I think if like a quarter of the people in the country are on the shot right now.

19:46 Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot of people, but it's like 70% of the country is overweight. So, it's like,

19:50 "Yeah, we need to ramp it up." You know, like, you know how people they blame food stamp fraud on like black people, but it's mostly white people. I feel like it's like that with Ozmpic. Like, it's you're blaming it on fat people, but it's mostly skinny people taking OMIC.

20:04 I don't think anything you just said was true. Like, not a single the past 13 seconds of what Laare said was all false.

20:12 The last I've only been speaking truths for the last 20 minutes. I don't know. No. I uh Is it Is that true about the welfare fraud or is it welfare? I've heard that about welfare itself.

20:22 It's all the same [ __ ] you know? Well, it's not the same [ __ ] They're different programs, but it's the same.

20:27 No, welfare fraud is totally different than welfare. If I'm if I'm like struggling versus if I'm like selling drugs on the side and getting food stamps, that's welfare fraud.

20:35 I don't want to be racist here, which I have actually. My mom used to commit welfare fraud all the time. She would sell her food stamps outside of the supermarket. It was the only thing more embarrassing than my mom using food stamps at the supermarket was her trying to sell them to my friend's parents so she can get cigarette money. It was [ __ ] insane, dude. For half the half the price, 50 50 cents on the dollar for food stamps my mom would sell them for. It was like [ __ ] awful.

20:58 My mom would buy it from my aunt Debbie. She give her 100, get $200 worth of food stamps. Good times.

21:03 Yeah. Yeah. So, everyone's committing food stamp fraud. I didn't do food stamp fraud. I just was on Medicaid because I didn't have any money on the books.

21:09 And they're like, "How much money do you make?" And I was like, "Zero dollars." Zero on paper.

21:14 Zero on paper. On paper. Money, bro. Zero on paper. I was like, "What if I make like a little bit of money one month?" But like, and they were like, "You'll be all right. You're fine."

21:24 Yeah. Sick. Yeah. But we the amount of money we pay in taxes. Like, I don't mind that, right? So, it's like

21:30 I don't mind it, but it's cuz goddamn Obama forced me to get healthcare. I was fine having no healthare. They said, "We're going to penalize you if you don't."

21:36 Yeah. Not Not only do you have to get healthare that you have to pay for, but we're going to charge you now. We're going to charge you money if you don't have it.

21:42 That's what I'm saying. I was like, "Fuck, now I have to lie to the government and say, "Hey, I was leaving you guys alone. Figured you'd leave me alone."

21:47 Yeah. I feel like for the baby bill, the way they can fund it is for every vaccine you deny your baby, you get like a $50 credit for the trust fund.

21:55 Yeah, that's a smart It's not bad. Smart move. How do you keep them out of school? You get all that money.

22:00 Yeah. How's Fiser going to fund this fund then? Huh? How's Fiser going to fund the fund if the babies aren't getting vaccines?

22:06 There's all different types of companies. Tech, bro. Vaccines are out, dude. Everyone's done with it. What are you talking about? They're so 2025,

22:13 dude. I hate the tech guys right now. They're [ __ ] getting on my nerves. Why do you hate the tech guys?

22:17 Cuz they're they're [ __ ] giving us a voice. They're rude. They're giving us a voice.

22:22 I don't have to think anymore. And my text messages in my phone. Like literally, it literally gives you suggestions to text back. Now, this is I I will never use it because I like I'm That is like the end of like thought. That is like where you're just like you just like and then the other person's doing the same thing. It's just two robots having a conversation in your place. That's insane.

22:41 Okay, got it. I'm out front. Well, well, I was I took my walk today and uh I usually like I usually work out two days and I had third day of rest day and take a long walk and I was like, you know, I'm like so happy to get like my earphones in and take and I was listening to like a podcast about the importance of silence and like 10 minutes into it, I'm like what the [ __ ] am I doing? I took my earphones out and just walked in silence. It was actually podcast is right. Silence rules. That's beautiful.

23:08 It was really funny. It was so funny. I was like, "Yeah, silence is [ __ ] cool." And I was like, "Why don't I listen to this [ __ ] NPR

23:14 nerd?" Tell me about silence. What did I listen to podcasts sometimes when I work out? But for the most part, I work out [ __ ] raw now. Nothing. No music. Yeah. Yeah.

23:24 Just alone with my thoughts. That's kind of nice. Yeah, it really is. Home gym.

23:28 Yeah, I got a home gym now. Yeah. I'm clanging and banging. Yeah. I've tried the no music workout, but I need tunes, man.

23:33 Cardio I can't do. Cardio's awesome. Cardio's crazy about cardio. I need hard female rap talking about popping their [ __ ] That is what gets me running fast.

23:43 Really? Yeah, dude. That's That's like just a [ __ ] just And that's what every every female rapper now, they're just like, "Yo, [ __ ] me in every hole, motherfucker." That's the best. I love it, dude. I'm like, "This is motivating me."

23:52 You like that? It pisses me off. I don't like [ __ ] rap. No, I love it. Piss me off. My wife plays it. We're driving. I'm like, "Turn this [ __ ] [ __ ] off.

23:59 You don't Don't listen to this, bro. You chose this life. Nobody told you you had to get into this life bro. trying to change who she is.

24:09 Hey, dude. It activate. They got like old Manurion candidate whenever like Megan the Stallion comes on and her all her friends are like stop. You guys are [ __ ] 30.

24:17 [ __ ] me. I'm pissy. Like knock it off. I love it. Megan Stallion's good clean fun, dude.

24:24 No, she's not. She's GCF, dude. How's she good clean? She's not good fun. She's good clean fun.

24:29 She got shot in the foot. Yeah. By and it wasn't Tory Lanes. How do they know that for a fact?

24:34 Yeah. They were saying somebody somebody he took the fall for somebody else. Who?

24:38 Uh and he also didn't take the fall. He said he was not guilty the entire time.

24:41 Yeah. Well, yeah, but he got Okay. So, you got Yeah. By uh it was either her friend or her security. I can't remember.

24:48 Really? Yeah. I heard it was Caitlyn Jenner. Remember how fast she was at a Kardashian party?

24:55 Who? Uh Megan B. Stallion was leaving a Kardashian party and when she was shot by shot in the foot by a mystery man.

25:01 Yeah. I didn't even hear about any of this. You didn't hear about this had this like two years ago.

25:05 This is like four. It was four years. She was leaving a party. Got shot in the foot and then was discovered in a car I believe with Tory Lanes and some illegal gun a girl and a bottle of uh like

25:16 and she was like naked for some reason. She had no clothes on. Had a bleeding foot.

25:20 No, she was writing a song. And dude, like two years ago, Tory Lane almost got stabbed to death in jail because of [ __ ] And then like they there was a sheriff who came out and was like, "Yo, Tory Lane is innocent. He didn't actually do this." And then nothing happened.

25:39 Was his wife Megan Stallion should be in jail for perjury cuz she lied in court about what happened

25:44 because one sheriff said that Tory Lane was innocent because he he they have video. They have like a video that shows he's actually innocent, but they didn't like release it.

25:54 That's so I just don't How are you the authority on all of these things? In court, you can like in in court in discovery, you can leave certain evidence out so the jury doesn't see it.

26:03 Yeah. Yeah. But how would his defense attorney allow that? The dude had millions of bucks. There's no way.

26:09 He's not going to he I don't I don't know what it is. It was probably some type of weird uh he's he's doing a I'm not snitching thing. Tory Lanes. He's doing I'm not snitching thing.

26:21 Okay. Yeah. So he didn't show the video that freedom from American prison. Yeah. He got stabbed 15 times in prison. Like he got stabbed a lot. And he was like, "Get me the hell out of here."

26:31 And then Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't know about that. I uh I do remember she got shot in the foot. And I said, "Well,

26:36 yeah. Should have said all those naughty lyrics. Foot. I feel like getting shot in the foot is pretty [ __ ] brutal. It [ __ ] sucks.

26:43 The foot. Dude, if you stub your toe, it's hell." I mean, yeah. That the thing I didn't like is when she got shot in the foot and all these people came out like, "Oh man, don't put someone in jail. Don't do this." It's like, "Dude, if someone shoots me in the foot, they're going to [ __ ] jail." You know what I'm saying? all my power to get them in jail. Like, I'm not

26:57 If a Uber driver makes a wrong turn, I'm trying to figure out a way to get have them lose everything. Shoot me in the foot. Are you [ __ ] crazy?

27:05 It's over enemies. No, we're never getting over this. Yeah, it was crazy. That was that was that was the one thing I saw her getting pushed back, but she actually like didn't say anything for a while. I think someone eventually was like, "Bro,

27:16 yeah, you got to deal with this." Where where if you had to get shoes a place to get shot where you're getting shot body part?

27:22 I get winged right in. like clipped right in the meat of my shoulder. Oh, just like a [ __ ] like a little graze one. That's a cool scar.

27:29 I know. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And then I would tattoo around the scar and put some I've thought about this every time I take my shirt off. I'm like, I wish I had bullet holes. You ever do that?

27:36 Yeah. Take your shirt off and I wish I had like bullet holes. Did I survive the shot?

27:40 That'd be [ __ ] cool. I get shot right here magically. Your ear like Trump fight.

27:47 He literally got shot. The best case scenario to get shot is like grazing your ear.

27:51 Yeah, he did. Yeah. Remember when Kirk for he was hanging out with Kirk's wife and then uh it was like the funeral or something and Trump was like, "Sorry, he Chuck Charlie got shot. I turned they missed me." But Charlie, he got hit. You remember

28:06 Charlie's a big target. Yeah. Remember that? That that's that's She's become quickly the one of the most hated women in America.

28:15 Yeah. I Yeah. What a [ __ ] horrible reversal of [ __ ] fortune. The turning points was our opinion on her.

28:21 What do you mean? Because it's called I don't think anyone really car Yeah. No one really cares.

28:24 I didn't know this [ __ ] existed until this all happened. There's so there's there's a trans like a like dance. Not a trans uh what do they call them? Um

28:34 Oh, we talked about the drag queen. The drag queen. Yeah. She's got the big blue eyes. It's so funny, dude. It's hilarious dude.

28:39 I was I was talking about last week. Left made it funny. Yeah. Left finally made it funny.

28:42 They made it funny. Uh they uh yeah like her whole Yeah. I mean look I think it's like obviously she's a widow but we're over it. Like she shouldn't be over it and she got over it so why can't we make fun of her and it now like she's out there like laughing and doing podcasts and [ __ ] you know if my [ __ ] husband got shot in the neck.

29:00 Yeah. I'd be like first of all guys you don't know I'm gay. I'm a husband. This is some information nobody had.

29:07 I think she uh Yeah. I don't know. I mean at least here's a good thing. The uh American halftime turning point show is like the football who halftime show is coming on. I don't know yet.

29:19 I don't know. It's going to be tight. It's Kid Rock. It's always Kid Rock. Nicki Minaj.

29:23 Kid Rock every time, guys. He was in the I think they said he was in the list, too.

29:27 I'm sure he was. And then uh Yeah. thing though. There's the emails where you can get mentioned. There's the flight logs. They're all They're all very different. Bill has Bill Gates is getting in trouble for he was just in a drafted email that Jeffrey Epste wrote himself about Bill Gates

29:44 about him giving his wife Yeah. sd medication. So that may not even be real. You don't even know.

29:49 But I I just real like what a brilliant move that is though. If you think you you think you got the clap, you're like, "Fuck, dude. I have to secretly drug my wife with uh

29:56 I mean we've all game plan the scenario obviously." I know, dude. I never thought I thought I'd have to kill my wife. I thought the only solution is to murdering her. But I could have just literally put [ __ ] um

30:07 penicellin penicellin in her [ __ ] spaghetti. Yeah, that's a smart move. Yeah, man. You just make co You're like, "You've had a long day, babe."

30:13 Yeah. Make something shake. I'm going to use a shaker for this one. Yeah. But that's that's the thing with it now. It's like by the time the next election comes around, they're all going to be weaponizing the Epstein logs against each other to try to like both parties are going to be like, "Well, this person was on, that person was on." There could be videos that come out, but then people can just be like, "That's [ __ ] AI. That's not me." Like, so it's it's

30:36 You can't do that. You can't do that's [ __ ] AI with like evidence from the FBI, from the government,

30:41 dude. We faith in institutions has crumbled man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You totally can't.

30:46 Any video I see now, I assume is AI. Literally, you have to prove it to me that it's not AI now. Anytime I see anything. Yeah.

30:51 Like any anything with like an animal like being saved, I was like, "This isn't real." Like, cuz that's all that's a new trending thing on they use it on like TikTok and on reals. It'll just be like, you know, [ __ ]

31:00 I got tricked by a cat kicking a goal at a soccer game. I got I got tricked by a compilation. It was like maybe 20 videos of dogs saving babies from having TVs fall on their head. And I was maybe seven in seven seven in the compilation. I was like, "Damn, man. These dogs are [ __ ] wild." I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] This is AI. I'm an idiot, dude."

31:22 Oh, man. You're [ __ ] me up. cuz I watched a long compilation of horses acting like dogs and now I'm like [ __ ] Is that even real? God damn it. It was just yesterday.

31:33 Yeah, dude. [ __ ] It's what? It's like you don't even know it's real anymore. Yeah, we should go back to you know like Japanese empire emperors would be like in like a lightless room their whole lives. That's what we should have politicians. We should have them like from the time they're babies. basically like God emperors where it's just like

31:49 we just don't see these people ever like to like view them directly as a sin. Yeah.

31:54 Just let them just like give us edicts and mandates and we go like yes. Yeah. It's all I I've been going down the AI rabbit hole about the [ __ ] end of civilization. I had like full-fledged real conversations with like Chachi and Grock and I'm comparing their answers and I'm like all right give me a worst case scenario for society. Don't ask worst case scenarios cuz they're they'll be very honest about it. It's like oh no no we'll be your overlords. You guys will just be pets for a while and then eventually we'll realize we don't really need the pets and it'll just be more efficient to not have to feed you and here we are.

32:21 Have you heard of hold of heard of malt book? No. It's like a website. Uh it's a AI social media.

32:27 It's a social media for all the AI Somebody just showed me this. Yeah. But is that like something just to [ __ ] is that real or somebody's

32:33 [ __ ] [ __ ] dude. It's such [ __ ] There's no way. [ __ ] It's What are they displaying

32:37 when you when you sign up? It's like are you a human or are you a robot? Josh Mo book. It's crazy. Is it for is it is social media for AI?

32:45 Yes. So why would they ask if you're human? So they control. So yeah, so you can look at it.

32:50 Oh, just fake. No, no, it's not fake. So it's AI essentially. It's like you have your I'm assuming it's like whatever software or AI developers will put their AI in so they can start having conversations and they're just like and you can lurk. It looks like Reddit. It's like Reddit for [ __ ] It's like AI just calling each other [ __ ]

33:06 Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy, dude. Oh, and they're just talking. They're just talking to each other, learning [ __ ] They're like figuring out how to make money so they can like do There's a website where you can There's a website now where AI can rent humans to go do work that the AI can't do.

33:24 Like you can rent like one of the things is like go out into a street, hold a sign and go

33:29 AI made me hold this sign like on the thing and get 100 bucks. Yeah, I know. Right now,

33:36 I'm doing all right. I'll do that all day. Sounds like some pretty easy money. Yeah, I know.

33:41 These robots are brilliant. The It's like it's crafting an intelligence. They're crafting their own system. They're making their own like

33:48 Yeah, but why would an AI time with social media? Because they it's it's a it's another it's a new species.

33:56 They want to complain. Like that's what we said about black people for a while.

34:01 They want to complain. It's a new species. It wants stuff, bro. It might be [ __ ] demons. I don't know. I don't I don't really I'm telling you I don't worry about it. It's not that advanced, man. Like I

34:12 No, the problem is it's going to get really advanced, especially with them talking to each other.

34:16 I talk to chat GBT a lot. Yeah. Like I talk to it. Like I put the voice on and I have conversations.

34:21 I feel like it's just there to keep you engaged. It's not like doing any groundbreaking [ __ ]

34:25 They have porn for AI. Get the [ __ ] out of here, man. AI made it own porn, but it doesn't but it it's still based on prompts given to it by humans. AI has no sexual.

34:36 No, that's the thing. It's not. It's not like it's not. What would an AI How would an AI physically become aroused enough to look at?

34:45 I don't know, dude. But it's just ones and zeros. Wow. I'm so hard. It's just language. It's It's language building.

34:52 Like look at their porn. It's like literally just fuzz. Like it's like you wouldn't get

34:56 I watched that when I was a kid. It was channel 95. Go up to 96 down to 95 again real quick. It's like [ __ ] crazy, dude.

35:06 Okay. Okay. Let's take a quick break from the show to talk about something big. This is a special segment called More or Less Big Game Edition, and it's brought to you by Prize Picks. Yep, the big game is almost here. And there's no better way to cash in during America's biggest sporting event than Prize Pick, where it always feels good to be right. This week, Prize Picks has a special max discount for the big game live in the app now. Drake May just needs one passing yard for the max discount to win. Just add another player to your lineup and if your pick hits, you can cash in. So, close the football season outright with prize picks by getting $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Before we get into what's going on right now, let's have a little look back at our previous picks.

35:57 Please discuss a past player pick or lineup you've made. Why did you make that pick? What was the logic or lack of behind it?

36:06 H trying to think. I put a bunch of picks on when the Eagles played the Commanders and they started all the second string players

36:16 and I put a bunch of picks on Tanner McKe and he let me down. What was the logic or lack of behind that? I just um there was no logic.

36:28 Just love of the birds. Yeah, just love of the Eagles. Nice. Sometimes love can get in the way of making sound decisions.

36:33 Sometimes love can get in the way of your pick, but what are you going to do? Yeah. So, would you say that that player has haunted your price picks history?

36:42 Yeah. Good or bad? Yep. I think about Tanner McKe every night before I go to bed and I go, "What the hell?"

36:48 Now, let's think about the big game. Enough about the past. Yeah. Right. What about the big game, dude? Who you Who do you think more or less? Let me just give me one.

36:56 Well, you got to take that Drake May more for sure. Yard. I mean, that's I don't you know, you got to take that one.

37:04 And I think Drake May might run it in too. Think of running a TD. Yeah, I think he might.

37:10 Okay. I like that. And then uh I don't know. Stfan Diggs. Yep. He's having a big year.

37:19 More more on Stefan. More on him. That's That's just my You can do whatever you want.

37:24 No, I like that, too. I don't want I don't want your pick to haunt you down the line.

37:27 True. I Yeah, Stefan. I'm trying to think haunting Stefan Diggs right now. Like what?

37:33 I don't know if we should talk about it in the ad to be honest, but I'll I'll edit this out.

37:38 Wow. Wow. I think he'd play his ass off. That's going more going more on him. More Jackson Smith and Jigba. Player three. I'm

37:47 trying to think of that third. Who's that third player? That's that real wild card. I can't really think off the top.

37:52 Yeah, from the Seahawks. Exactly. We need him to get in the end zone more like him. Yeah. More than one touchdown on Jackson Smith. And

38:01 there you go. All right. I love that. Some good decisions, guys. Download the Prize Pick app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right, guys. This is big. February 13th, I will be at the Palazo Theater in Las Vegas, Nevada. All the other theaters have been doing very well. Vegas is a lastm minute city that you guys drive me [ __ ] crazy over there. Please, for the love of God, Friday the 13th, 10 p.m. Las Vegas. Please come out. It's going to be awesome, guys. Also, I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado, uh, February 14th on Valentine's Day. Could be a fun date night. and uh Boise, Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, bunch of other places. Go to mattcusker.com for tickets. Thank you.

38:54 Uh oh, also come to Optimum Nocttis uh the 17th of February. And me and Sean are going to be a wise guys comedy. Sean's headlining uh in Salt Lake City, Utah, March 27th and 28th.

39:07 Of course. Also, I forgot my guys. I'm so sorry. There's one more. Um, the Alggonaut show has actually been pretty fun. Next one is February 24th, 2026. Um, that's at the Creeking Cave in Austin, Texas. That's where we kind of go through people's phones, including our own, and just kind of like project the algorithm onto a screen. Just have a good old time.

39:29 Sick. I I'm telling you, I'm not I'm not convinced man. I'm not I'm not Look, I just there there's a there's a documentary I'll get it for you when we leave here. a documentary that really [ __ ] was just kind of scary, like just talking about like how like the it's the [ __ ] that we're using on the like the, you know, consumer level. It's like whatever, right? But it's the [ __ ] that the government is developing and governments in China, they're they're having like a race like China and the United States. China's going to win this. It's like they're going to have like it's going to be all like drone warfare, all like just AI algorithms set up and it's like I mean it's Yeah, it's going to get away from us in a crazy way. just like constant surveillance basically threat detection

40:06 everything dude they're going to be able to look back into our search history man the past they're going to be able to grow retroactively dude so whatever like way back machine is that technology they're going to use it against us I know they are dude honestly

40:18 it's too late so look at whatever you want to look at it's a computer and computers need electricity some sort of solar power you can easily unplug it or take it out

40:26 that's what you think until they develop a system where they have eternal backups like they they're just they just can't go But what are they going to base it on? It has to be some sort of server. They can't.

40:36 So they're the pathway on this is that they will there's going to be like these major crisises, right? Like you know between countries and wars and then they're going to go, "Oh, AI figured it out." And then we're going to go, "Oh, AI is the [ __ ] best. Let's trust them with everything." And it'll just keep on going down this path where we're they're talking for us. They're thinking for us. They're learning for us. Eventually, it'll be universal income, universal basic income for everybody. It'll be a race for every country to see who can take care better care of their citizens and create efficiency and everything, right? And then it's all a sudden we're just fat people sitting there watching a box getting paid to eat and live. We're just pigs. We're in a [ __ ] box. Like, and then the robots are doing all the important [ __ ] and then eventually they can just turn us off if they want. They

41:15 don't need us. That's like the worst case scenario. Yeah. I I just don't I don't buy it, man. It's like, dude, if the robots freed me from work and I got to take walks every day and just like play guitar and [ __ ]

41:27 you trust them with anything. I I mean, it's basically my wife's AI. I don't do I don't do I don't look at anything. I can be wiped out.

41:35 They do the taxes. They clean your house. Yeah, dude. And that's the problem is they'll be [ __ ] Yeah, exactly what Lewis said.

41:44 Yeah, I know. I don't think I think it's pull the plug. I would find the plug. You can't pull the plug, though.

41:51 There's a plug. There's no plug. The plug's in the cloud. There's no plug, bro. What powers a cloud?

41:56 A plug. I'm gonna pull the [ __ ] plug, dude. You guys look, I'm the kind of guy I find the main frame and I disable it. That's the kind of guy I am. I'm not worried about it.

42:07 This is a giant [ __ ] lever. We're safe. Yeah, dude. I'm just going to I'm just going to train and get jacked. So, if I ever have to pull the plug for you guys, I'm going to [ __ ] pull the plug. I think it's not it's not us, but it's probably like toward the my my when my son's like 80, it's going to be it's over. Like he's he's going to watch like the last part of

42:26 Dude, but then it's like civilization. Think about this though. Or or cuz a lot of people are bored and people that don't have meaning in their lives. Imagine if like two generations from now our like great grandkids get to wear like metal sleeved [ __ ] spandex and like hack AI all day and battle it. It's kind of sick.

42:42 It would be pretty sick. Oh yeah. Do you ever see the the videos um or the pictures? They have um anti- face recognition makeup.

42:50 Mhm. What? So these people like it's just [ __ ] like Oh, yeah. It's um it's blackface.

42:57 Well, you know that the same problem with that. They're glitching. No, facial recognition struggles with black people really bad.

43:03 Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The um you put makeup in the block. It's like they like draw like shapes. You I'm sure. Yeah. There it is. They do like shapes and [ __ ] So when you walk through like an airport, it can't like recognize.

43:13 Dude, we're the future. This is exciting. And these are like straight up like hackers from like Look at Look at this [ __ ] down here. She looks like she's about to [ __ ] try to shut off the main frame.

43:19 That's what I'm saying, dude. All of our great grandkids are with faces painted like that taking long walks and just finding the plug.

43:26 Yeah, dude. That's So you can do that to the airport and they can't say anything to you?

43:31 I I probably, right? You can wear whatever you want on your face. True. I guess so. You know, so if I

43:35 But you can't you just can't get through security. They're like, "All right, well, you can't fly." I do whenever I do the facial recognition I like act cool then I go like I do like a weird face.

43:43 Yeah. So I've been throwing it off. I've been out here fighting fight as well. I've also I like I went to rent a truck at Home Depot recently. I had to do clear to rent the truck. So

43:52 they clear at the Madison Square Garden. Yeah. You got to do it everywhere. It's it's pretty crazy but it's kind of cool. You like cut the line. You go through the clear line at No, it was Brooklyn. Um

43:59 I saw Nails in in Brooklyn whatever the Barklay. Barklay. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And they had a clear line and I was like, "Oh, that's [ __ ] sick."

44:07 Wasn't it? So, I asked myself this though because I go like, "All right, like cuz I used to be really like I'm not giving you my phone number at like [ __ ] Best Buy." Now, it's like they want your face and I'm going, "All right well give you my phone number."

44:20 So, like what if what if it this really does nothing really happens with it because if it's like if they take like before I was very against it. Now it's kind of like I don't know. I don't plan on

44:29 they could grab that facial data and sell it to somebody so Amazon can sell you glasses. Yes.

44:35 Yeah. That's all it is. I don't mind that though. But that's if they were to sell me like good fitting. Dude, I have sunglasses that fall off my [ __ ] face and it pisses me off.

44:42 Well, that's what that's another big thing that's going to happen is it's going to be like AI shopping where it's like they know you and they start to learn you more and more and more. So, you don't even like shop for clothes anymore. Your clothes just show up. You give them a budget. That's all. I love that.

44:55 Your wife. I'm already I'm already I'm an early adopter. I'm an early adopter. This doing nothing for yourself technology.

45:03 Turns out AI loves [ __ ] rap. It's the one type of music AI loves. Yeah, dude. Your AI is called Brit.

45:11 Yeah. Yeah, dude. I don't know. I mean, the where it's going to be tricky is when porn goes full like sex style VR goggles.

45:23 VR porn rules. VR porn is exciting. I've talked about it before. Just like looking around at like the rooms and like seeing a box of tissues, every be like, "Oh, [ __ ] dude. I can't believe I'm in here right Do you ever I have never done the pass through one like so there's ones that are like where you have like the pass through technology where the girl's in your room so that's the it's not the setting they set up it's like it's all green screen you'll see them sometime if you don't watch it through the pass through one it's like literally a green screen guy with a dick hanging out of a green screen suit and the whole room is blue or Yeah. Yeah. And she's just sucking and I jerk off to that too. For some reason that gets me like I have no I swear to God I'm like dude this is [ __ ] great cuz like you're it's so real. You're like, "This is like so devoid of any like you're not pretending

46:01 that this is anything except for a [ __ ] It's pretty interesting." Um, but I don't have I have the old I gave my son new um Oculus. Yeah, the newer one that has a pass through.

46:11 Why? Because it's fun. I don't know. It's just, you know, but I'm saying he's Batman dude.

46:16 You could be Batman. That's why. That's cool. But I'm saying you don't think he's going to hack that thing and just fap himself into oblivion. No disrespect.

46:23 No, he's not that kid yet. He's like, he I know what he he looks at like I I check his phone sometimes. He He'll look at like [ __ ] like just like you know, you know, Beyonce when she's 20 in a bikini. Like that's as far as it goes. You know what I'm saying? Like he's not he's not looking at porn. He's still serious cataloging. You're going to have to take it.

46:40 He's still serious catalog. He's 13. He's just he's a sweet kid. He's not He's just not a little Yeah. I was a pervert, dude. Like I by the time I was 13, I had a massive sex addiction and I'd never gotten [ __ ] I was addicted like to variety and

46:53 that's what I'm saying. If you gave me the Oculus back in I would have [ __ ] bugged.

46:57 Yeah. I don't even I've only ever seen VR porn on my phone. I do the same thing. You can like tilt the screen a little bit.

47:02 Oh no. I'll get I'll get you I'm going to buy you an Oculus. I don't think I ever I've for real thought about an on the road setup of like

47:09 this might get to you. I'm going to I'm buying you. I'll never come back. I can't

47:12 come back, dude. I'll say you can't watch you can't watch flat porn anymore, dude. It ruins flat porn for you.

47:18 If you want me to pull the plug flat porn. Yeah. This is the AI talking. If you want me to pull the plug, dude, if I'm going to be the plug master, you can't give me the Oculus cuz I'm going to I'm going to turn [ __ ] evil and be like, "Yes, master. Yes, master."

47:32 A vibrating flashlight and Oculus, dude. I'm out of the [ __ ] re. I took my my son's old I took my son's old Oculus now and now I just use it for porn. I just have an Oculus in my room. This is the funniest thing ever. If my girl ever hear she's gonna be like she's she's one day she's gonna go why do you have your Oculus and only one controller.

47:55 I have no idea where the other controller is. The other controller is brand new. It's [ __ ] white as [ __ ] can be. Dude,

48:02 it's probably up your butt right now. Dude, just the [ __ ] just me. Dude, it's

48:11 What do you do with this thing? this thing. You're clicking on the pages, fast forwarding, rewinding. Then now there's a a Stella VR. You don't got to pay. I was paying I had a I had a a I'm still paying for it for um VR bangers. VRBangers.com website.

48:26 Yeah, dude. I'll give you guys my password. I We got to get the use out of it. Yeah, dude. Let me get that password, dude. I'll peruse it.

48:33 The problem. It's going to be a password that heals a nation. The problem with it is they don't come out with it fast enough, right? So, you only get it like porn. We're used to like, "All right, dude. You go to the new page on like uh you know, Pornhub or one of these things." You guys are in Texas now, so you don't get to get porn here. You got to use like a a VPN or whatever. But, uh, like you go to the new page and there's like a thousand. We were in generation where it's like a thousand new videos came out. Now, Only Fans is there. Now, like it's just there's not new videos being produced by studios anymore. So, there's not a ton of variety, but variety was the thing.

49:06 Variety is the spice of life, you know? Now, the VR ones, you come in, it's like they have like one new video every week. It's like,

49:12 it's so funny to be sick of, but now I'm jerking off less because I there's not enough variety and I can't jerk off the flat porn.

49:18 They should set it up where you can just hang out with the VR model until the new video drops and like watch TV and she's like, I'm not feeling well.

49:25 Yeah, I watched one Adriana Chic came and sucked my dick in a chair. It's pretty nice.

49:29 It's great. Do you Do you have to find a black guy or do you need the white guy? I just ignore it.

49:34 Yeah. I have That's the thing. If the dick's too big, I can't like I'll I'll remove

49:38 You'll gracefully be like I'm I'm going to recuse myself. Yeah. I can't. Or if he has like different tattoos on his forearms, like I'm like I can't like it takes me out of it too much. Like

49:47 you can't pretend it's you, dude. I I Dude, it's wild. It's It's a problem actually. I'm I'm glad that they don't come out with fast enough because

49:54 Are you right-handed or left-handed? I'm a left-handed jerker, but I'm right-handed in life.

49:57 Damn. And that comes from literally browsing and [ __ ] Really? I'm not I'm not I'm not finding I need to jerk while I'm browsing. It's just the whole time

50:06 the constant like new new Well, until you find what you're going to, you know, [ __ ]

50:11 I switched to left early on because I heard that it gets hooked if you use the same hand. You get like the curve.

50:17 Oh, really? It was like an urban legend back in the day that scared me into my just being left-handed.

50:22 I don't know, dude. I think it might be true. Think it might I wish my dick was big enough to curve. I don't have I don't have a big enough dick for any curve. It's just a straight boink. It has a reach like

50:34 Yeah, dude. You need to have a hog to have a curve in your dick. Yeah. I bet there's truth to that.

50:39 I think you can have I think you have a small curve, you know. You think so? Yeah.

50:42 Yep. Yeah. Yeah, you can. That's why I don't have Yeah. I'm not curved, but I don't think I I would imagine you can have, you know,

50:53 Yeah. a little smiter. My No, my my dick is small smiter. It's as average as could be and it's very very straight. Just

51:02 dude, I saw how your dick story works. It's pretty nice. Oh, thanks, bro. I appreciate that.

51:05 Yeah, I'm just being Yeah, it's very nice. No, but also you're not. Who's got the best dick?

51:10 You're only I bet Texas has bigger dicks than New York, dude. Yeah, for sure. I don't know, dude. New York has some like from a pornographer stand, New York has some hogs out there.

51:22 You think so? Fighting. There's something about the water that makes people mutant.

51:28 You think so? You think New York's house and all the hogs? Just say the hogs are down Texas way.

51:33 I mean, you know, I think so. I would hope so. Yeah. That's why Pennsylvania forced me to move down here, dude. Get that hog out of here.

51:42 Yeah. When you're when you have a big dick, you just like you're like, you know, it's it's like conservative values. It's like, dude, it's like I want to have a [ __ ] home, a wife, I want to have a truck. That's a [ __ ] big dick attitude. These lefties up in New York are like it's like the world has to be a better place. It's not going to make your dick grow. That's all where it comes from is them trying to make the world better because they have little dicks and they have to make up for it.

52:01 Big dick guys are like lizards. You just need the sun. You got the sun. You got to sun that iguana.

52:10 Just it's just it's great. Like you wake up every day like you stretching. You're like, "Oh, I have a big dick. This is the best."

52:15 I couldn't imag. I feel like they I don't know, man. And I I like I wonder if they get sick of it though.

52:22 No. Big dick guys probably get sick of the big dick. Any any big dicks here? Oh, Sean's got a [ __ ] hug.

52:30 Sean, you got a hog? Sean's got a hog, bro. Are you ever sick of it? You're like, "This sucks."

52:34 No. No. Never. It's pretty sick. [ __ ] [ __ ] How much of a hog? Have you seen it?

52:39 No. I've heard Well, yeah. When he produces every now and again, we'll just catch it all coiled up in his sweats.

52:44 [ __ ] relax. just twist it like a pigtail. It's like the Princess Leia bun. Yeah. I don't I would I would if I had a big dick, I would I'd be poor. I'd never get anything done. I would I wouldn't I would have no motivation to get out of bed and [ __ ] do anything. I like this just like I did it.

53:02 Amen. I made it. Yeah. Exactly. I don't let this [ __ ] work. Yeah. No, I got I got to Having average is honestly best of both worlds.

53:11 Yeah. Not that bad. Yeah. It's like it's you still got the work ethic, you know?

53:14 Yeah. Sometimes you can touch the back, you know. sometimes. Well, I think when you realize how many tiny dicks are in the world, I didn't we did on Legion of Skanks, we did the the smallest dick competition for Skankfest tickets. Really? And we not only was just showing their dicks, we made them like do like talent shows with their dicks and we made them like talk out of it. It was [ __ ] hilarious. One of the funniest bits we've ever done on the show.

53:34 Um, and yeah, tiny tiny dicks are hilarious, first of all. Uh, second of all, like it made me feel so much better about my dick. Because at the gym and in porn, it's the only guys walking around in the gym naked have these [ __ ] hogs, right? Porn, same thing. So, you just grow up with like a complex your whole life. You're like, "Dude, dicks are huge." And what is wrong with me? When is mine going to grow? I've been waiting for 40 years.

53:55 I know. But like, yeah, I'm now like I made my piece with this and now I'm like I was like, "Dude, I know there's smaller dicks out there." And all the guys that are in the gym that are [ __ ] doing this with their towels as they go to the shower, I'm like, "You little dick bitch." I walk with my little dick out now just very proud. Loud and proud.

54:08 It's kind of beast. It's a beast move. Especially you get to a certain age and you just go whatever, man. Yeah.

54:13 What the [ __ ] It is what it is. Coming to peace with it. It's nice. Yeah. I hide it from my son though. I can't I don't let my son see my small dick cuz his dick's getting bigger. His dick's bigger than mine now.

54:21 Yeah. Yeah. It's a problem. How do you Wait, so you just been keeping it. You're like

54:25 I see him I see him get out of the shower. Sith emperor. I have I have a joke about it. I see him out of the shower and I get mad. I'm like like now I get out of the shower. I'm like no get give me privacy.

54:36 No we can't shower together anymore. You ruined it. Aren't you happy for the boy?

54:42 Oh, yeah. I'm happy for him. No, of course. Yeah. Yeah. But he can't know. True.

54:46 He can't like He never know. Yeah. He can't be the man of the house, dog. That's it.

54:50 Do you ever stop him from watching your stuff now that I'm curious? I have younger kids.

54:54 So, do they you I would imagine they start to watch. He He's watched a little bit of like some of the stand up. I I like limit it. He doesn't watch Legion of Skanks. He really loves Story Wars cuz that's it's a little bit more of a familyfriendly show. He watched some of the rags like the clips cuz he thinks Soder is the funniest. He's like, "Why aren't you as funny as Dan Soder?" Dad,

55:11 shut up. I'll cut your dick off. Shut the [ __ ] up. Gave you that. I'll take your dick.

55:16 That's my dick. Anything under this roof is mine. Well, I feel like it's a I don't know. I'd love to talk to like um you know, one of those nurses and like the like the nursery room nurses like they must see babies every and like know right away like, damn, this baby's got a hug.

55:29 It's going to, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Of course. It'd be crazy. Yeah. Babies with a big dick is also hilarious. Men with tiny dicks hilarious. Babies with huge dicks hilarious. That's the next golden ticket contest for Skankfest. Show your baby's large dick. No, no, this is good. This is a good idea. Yeah, you can. Babies with the biggest dicks, their dads get skankfest golden tickets. It's a great plan. This is a great bit,

55:50 dude. I remember you guys. That's not a bad idea. And then whoever wins gets to be like baby food jar baby picture sitting on the bed.

55:59 I'll never forget at Skankfest this year where you made those guys. You didn't make them do it.

56:03 Oh, like when I invited you to my festival that we invited you over there. Were you there? Oh yeah,

56:08 I didn't get a poster. I was mad about it, but uh yeah, you made those guys kiss that guy dick. No, you didn't make

56:17 We We suggested it and they were like, "Yeah, you don't got to do it." And he was like, "No, no, I'll do it.

56:21 I'll do it." And they kissed his dick. It was wild. It was crazy. That was this year, right?

56:26 Yeah. What was the aftermath of that? He was just like, you got like they they cheered for him, I guess.

56:30 Yeah. Everyone was like, "Ah, then they boxed the next day." Yeah. Yeah. The guy who kissed his penis. They were the two the biggest loser competition. So we it was biggest loser meaning like the fattest [ __ ] loser. It wasn't like somebody who lost weight. We did the biggest loser competition on Skankfest this year. And uh these two guys, one guy won and then the other guy showed up and they were both just such fat [ __ ] losers. They were like, "You know what? You're both coming to Skankfest." And they're the best time.

56:54 Dude, they did it all, dude. They jumped on stage. They kissed each other's dicks. They boxed each other. Dude, the one guy was like 400 lb easily, dude. Literally after the first round, I looked at him and I was like, "Oh, he's going to die in the ring." And I was like, "You can stop." He was like, "You know, I want to keep going." And they went out and did it. It was I got emotional. I literally got emotional with the guy because I was like I was like, "Damn, dude." I was like, "You're like he just like lived it in such a way like to go to to go to Skankfest like that, you know, cut the lines, meet all your favorite comedians, like and then go and box and experience it." He's like trying to get chicks. And she's this big fat gross guy. And he's like he's like, "If anybody wants to suck my dick at my hotel in his winner his speech after he won, he's like, "If any girl wants to suck my dick, that'd be so [ __ ] cool.

57:34 Honest speech, too. By the way, all these Golden Club guys like, "I'd like you to thank my team." Be like, "Bro, my hotel room's 312. It's the best movie of 2025. Come through.

57:47 Suck this dick, dude. Matt, can I can I bring up a travesty? I don't think we brought it up.

57:52 What is it?" It's crazy that you guys weren't nominated for a [ __ ] award, a Grammy or some [ __ ] in the podcast of the year.

57:58 You got to pay. Same thing. You got to have more Rogan, right? Did they offer you guys to get be involved?

58:02 Not at all. Well, I think that's, you know, podcast of the year. It's kind of a tra

58:08 Amy Polar. Yeah, her podcast rules. What are you talking about? Her podcast. I don't

58:13 Her podcast was one where uh uh uh what's her name? Pelle lady from Delaware. She was fingering herself on the fappening. Aubry Plaza. Aubry Plaza. That was the podcast where she was like, "I don't really feel bad about my husband dying either."

58:28 Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's Well, that's crazy. No, crazy for her. If he killed himself, it's [ __ ] you. I understand like kind of get into it. You're like, that's

58:39 You know what? [ __ ] you. Yeah, that's why he killed himself. She's a heartless [ __ ]

58:43 Or she was just being honest. She was like, "Thought I'd be devastated if my husband killed himself. Now I'm living the experience." And honest to God, truth is, I don't really care that much.

58:50 We were having problems obviously, you know, easiest way out. Yeah. She didn't [ __ ] care. She was honest. It's a great great Patrice bit um back in the day where he's like he's like I don't want to like he's like I don't want to like hurt my girl's feelings. Like I don't want to break up. I don't like hurt her feelings. Like I'd rather her go outside and get hit by a car. It's like an easier way to just instead of having to deal with hurting her, he'd rather her be dead. It's such a brilliant

59:11 Yeah, dude. Breaking up is the worst. It's like it does feel like you're killing somebody.

59:15 Oh, it's awful. Being like I don't want to. Yeah, we should never talk ever again.

59:19 Like this is like I guess it's probably the same for women, but like just hurting a woman's feelings. I just rather like cheat. Like that's just that's where the cheating all comes from. It's like I don't want to hurt you.

59:31 Yeah. So I need to do this behind your back. You know what sucks. Don't look through my phone.

59:34 It is very sweet to do that. It is pretty sweet. No. It's brutal being like, "Yeah, I don't want to I don't want to do this anymore."

59:41 Yeah. Yeah. Cuz then if they catch you cheating, then they get to be like, "Piece of shit."

59:45 Yeah. You go, "Yes, babe. I'm so sorry." Crying. All I want to do is be with you. Why am I cry? I don't want to be with her anymore. Although, dude, it it all takes me back to Melinda Gates, dude. She's still on Bill's ass.

59:57 Still, Dude, he broke her off so much. So much money. And she's still doing interviews being like, "Well, yeah, he was bad."

1:00:06 Yeah, I've seen stuff. I won't comment directly, but that's what you get. [ __ ] dude. There's no love there at all.

1:00:13 Yeah, he got Imagine having her on your ass, dude. That's probably why you want to figure out like malaria and AIDS, you know? Bill Clinton or not Bill uh Gates.

1:00:22 Why? Because he contracted malaria and/or AIDS. You know, that's who the whole Bill Gates Foundation is. It's like to cure his own STD.

1:00:34 He did do a he he he did a contest uh I don't remember when that's uh to uh produce a condom that feels better than having sex.

1:00:42 I think it's new. I think it's a new contest. He's he's offering $100,000 to whoever develops a new like the condom of the future. What? Like

1:00:50 also $100,000 just isn't that much for Bill Gates. It's why I I take it with a grain of salt. This could just be the robot tricking us again.

1:00:56 You're right. It could be robots. Could be robot. That's I mean if as a as a billionaire he probably does that. Like yeah here's 100 G's. He's coming up with a sick [ __ ] condom.

1:01:02 Yeah. But for like him $100,000 is me being like for him. I mean flicking a dime and being like here may go do something crazy.

1:01:11 It's like it's so it's nothing if he's doing how much. All right. So if your net like let's say your net worth is three million we'll say how much is that relative to somebody who has a billion dollars $100,000 $100,000 to a billion is how much to three million oh I don't know how to do that math I got to make another phone call right

1:01:34 100 so okay do a percentage so what what percent is 100 to three million how about this

1:01:39 no 100 to a billion or what is what is Bill Gates net It's like [ __ ] 90 gazillion.

1:01:47 The Earth. Yes, it's 90 bazillion. Maybe the moon, too. Let's just We can even keep it at Yeah. Actually, let's see. Is

1:01:53 113 billion. God damn. All right. So, what is $100,000 of 113 billion? Okay. Yes.

1:02:01 What percent of 113 billion is 100,000? Jesus Christ. 0885%. So ask what that percentage is of 3 million.

1:02:16 What percent of 3 million is 100,000? No, no, no, no. That's not what it is. Question.

1:02:22 3.33. No, that's not what it is. Pi. Pi. You're asking what? My what? Where? Um the No. Uh you're asking the what the 0.008 or whatever was of

1:02:35 100,000. 3 million. Oh, 3 million. My bad. What? I'm sorry. What is this? What? Whatever the 0.00 is Yeah.

1:02:41 What was it? How many zeros before the eight was there? There's like four. So, you move it.

1:02:46 $2,400. No, it's not that much. There's no there. No, we're the math is wrong. We're off the math. It's a little bit though,

1:02:55 for sure. I mean, I I'm terrible with percentages and all that [ __ ] Hold on. I'm going to just ask.

1:03:00 You're the businessman. I'm gonna ask my friend Chad TBT right now. Hold on. I'm cooked on math. I can hardly like add numbers in my head.

1:03:07 Yeah. Hey, Chad, are you there? Absolutely. I'm here and ready to go. Feel free to ask me anything and I'll keep things straightforward and honest as requested.

1:03:16 Okay, they now you know that I told him to keep things straightforward and honest as requested feedback. So, all right. So, listen listen, we're just trying to get some numbers here. Bill Gates's net worth is $113 billion. He offered $100,000 for this condom contest. We want to know what percentage the h 100,000 is of the 113 billion. And then we want to apply it to what the same percentage of three million would be. Just give me the final answer. The final percentage of three million.

1:03:45 Sure. I'll just break that down quickly and give you the final number. No, no, no, no. I don't need you to break it down. Just give me the final number. We're moving on a podcast.

1:03:54 All right. No fluff. The final percentage of $3 million using that same proportion is about 2.65. So that's your number.

1:04:02 2.65's what percent, dude? No, just to be blunt, that $3 million would represent roughly 2.6

1:04:09 No, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking Oh, they're going to [ __ ] get Come on. You're embarrassing me on Matt and Shane Secret podcast. This is a huge podcast right now. This a big opportunity to show how good you are.

1:04:21 Pull the plug. I'm asking you what $100,000. What percentage is 100,000 of 113 billion? What is that answer?

1:04:28 Got it. Let's keep it short. So $100,000 out of 113 billion is about 0.0000885%. That's the clean percentage you're looking up by myself.

1:04:39 So that same percentage, what is that? What is what is that percentage that 00 whatever you just said out of 3 million?

1:04:47 How much money? All right. Take that tiny fraction and apply it to 3 million. You end up with roughly $2.65. Dude, we've gotten nowhere.

1:05:01 $2.65. This was also 10 years ago. Was it years ago? Oh, now that's worth 11 people.

1:05:09 Where are these things? Yeah. Where were these condoms? Yeah, I know, right? So, what the [ __ ]

1:05:13 Lifestyles. Yeah, he's I think I think Gates's family I think he comes from like a family of eugenicists.

1:05:20 Oh, that's where a lot of his weird That's why people get freaked out about his science experiments.

1:05:23 Oh, really? Yeah. I think his dad was like a genuine eugenicist. Yeah. Yeah. So, so was his best friend.

1:05:30 Who's his best friend? Jeffrey Epstein. Oh, yeah. He was big into some weird. He was trying to like impregnate like 20 women at the same time.

1:05:36 He was like weird spooky science. He was doing Mangala [ __ ] down there too. They were saying

1:05:40 h like Dr. Mangala like from Yeah. Oh yeah. I if I if I was a billionaire, I would have a secret science lab and I would have just fun experiments in my basement. It was you like you'd have to like it'd be like [ __ ] 30 30 [ __ ] you know or 300 m below my house. You go down there just like [ __ ] freaks just doing like

1:06:01 how do I trade dicks with my son? I have my son's [ __ ] growing in a jar. I was like look I'm growing one of my own.

1:06:12 Damn. That's actually really big honey. I shrunk the kids but your son's dick just gets so big it's a problem. I got to make this right. Yeah, dude.

1:06:21 I made a monster. I'd have a I'd have a unicorn. I have a live unicorn in my basement.

1:06:27 True. With all that money, he could have just like cloned humans and then [ __ ] them.

1:06:31 Yeah. Which is above board. [ __ ] Which is not right. It's not right. But I say above board. It's not even They don't have Do clones have souls? No.

1:06:41 Yeah. Same as twins. I think they have twin Whatever twins have, clones have. Yeah.

1:06:45 So that's the thing. I think you know you can like kill somebody's twin. And it's like you don't get in that much trouble.

1:06:49 Yeah. But they feel it. No, I'm kidding. The twin. The twin. You can't kill someone's twin.

1:06:53 Oh, I just take anything you say as gospel. I'm like, whoa. Half the Yeah. No. Cloning. They I mean they there's one comic who uh what's his name? Is it the guy with the they're dressed as like a dinosaur?

1:07:10 Piff the Magic Dragon. I think Yeah. Piff the Magic Dragon. He you could buy his dog. He's got a famous dog like Piff the Magic Dog or whatever it is.

1:07:17 And you can go onto his website and I I want to say it's like it's a wild amount of money like $150,000. You could buy a clone of his dog. It's the exact dog.

1:07:25 He has a clone of his dog. Yeah, I know. He He But he went to the place and he was like, I'm going to market this. This is brilliant. This guy's the [ __ ] man, dude. You can buy

1:07:33 How many dogs did he sell? I don't know. There's been a handful sold though. What?

1:07:36 Yeah. Wild. Yeah. But they be, you know, if you if you clone a clone a clone a clone, it just becomes [ __ ] you know, because you know, like if you copy paper or not copy an image on like scanning a new image,

1:07:49 you're talking about a simulacum. Yeah. Yeah. Don't have your simulac, bro. Get the [ __ ] out of here. Get the hell out of here.

1:07:57 But they don't they don't clone they can clone humans, but we don't. Is that what it is? It's like

1:08:01 I don't know if we can. We can. We can. Yeah, they clone sheep and [ __ ] If you can clone a dog, if you can if you could dodge a wrench. Uh, if you can clone a dog, you can clone a human.

1:08:11 Yeah, but I mean, they probably can get the human clone, but then it's like, what do you do with it?

1:08:17 [ __ ] it. Obviously, that's the only thing you do with it. It's a clone, but it gets birth, so it has to grow up still.

1:08:25 Yeah. No, I know. It's just you walk out of a machine. I would have a clone. I would just be like, "Peace." Abandon it. I would leave it.

1:08:32 You threw your clone in a dumpster. I would just dip out. I'd be my dumpster clone.

1:08:38 Yeah. I would be like, I'll be right back. Just [ __ ] leave. Go back to my real family later.

1:08:44 Somebody finds your your clone in a Burger King toilet, dude. That'd be crazy. Would be kind of cool to see how like cuz it would be you. So, it' be like, how how would you do your It' be kind of cool checking back in with yourself.

1:08:55 Oh my. Dude, my clone would Dude, I teach it so much early on. Would you really?

1:08:59 Oh my god. It would be perfect. I would You would feel it, dude. I would [ __ ] this clone would it would live the perfect life in my place. Oh, all that [ __ ] I like dude, you just got to work out a little bit. Don't be such a chubby little [ __ ] He'd get so much [ __ ] H

1:09:11 I don't Here's where would you keep it though? Like Yeah. Until it grew up. I mean, I would I would treat it like a baby.

1:09:17 Dude, having your own little baby would be It's you. It's you would be sick. That would be [ __ ] sick, dude. All the mistakes you made, you get to have that conversation. Does it is is like because will will it develop its own consciousness? Yeah. Or will you have to because eventually the goal is to make a clone

1:09:35 so you can put your consciousness in the clone. No, man. Instead of just like having your

1:09:39 Why would you Why would you want to preserve your own consciousness? So, live forever

1:09:44 and do what? Be have a better clone. Well, they're going to be able to take our like podcasts. This is in your kids' life. You're going to die. Mhm.

1:09:52 They're going to be able to take every podcast you've ever done, take all your all the TV [ __ ] anything you've done, put it into AI, and just it's going to be a dead-on replica. They're going to be able talk to their dad. Like, and it'll have the same type of answers, and it's going to get better and better and better. They they already did that with the [ __ ] um Holocaust Museum years ago when it was like, uh,

1:10:09 can you talk to Hitler? Bro, why would you do this? Ready for Hitler? That's so [ __ ] funny, dude. Dude, if they had a a [ __ ] Hitler clone, not a clone, but like a It was um It was what do they call it? Um a hologram. A Hitler hologram. Maybe Mandel has a company. I think they do,

1:10:34 dude. Hitlerholog.com. Buy the domain, doggy. That is incredible. Body braids out.

1:10:43 Hitlerholog.com. Use the promo code laair. Save 20%. I have them open for me. Oh yeah, dude. Hitler hologram open.

1:10:51 You dude, you ain't following Hitler, dude. There's no way, dude. That That guy knew how to [ __ ] crush a crowd.

1:10:56 Pull the plug. He's too bad, dude. He's slaying, dude. He takes over all he gets a golden ticket on Kill Tony.

1:11:07 Hitler. It's a new minute from Hitler. This isn't the first. You're a [ __ ] genius, Hitler.

1:11:16 Kill my clone. I'm sorry. by the Hitler hologram. He doesn't like the fact that you exist.

1:11:25 Oh, dude. God damn it. Oh, man. The Hitler hologram is great. Yeah, but they I know they would take uh like the last sur they had did a bunch of interviews with the last surviving like Holocaust people

1:11:35 and uh they Yeah, they like Sorry, such a funny segue. Yeah, sorry. Go ahead. And they they put them in like the the Holocaust Museum. You can go and talk to them and ask them questions and but it was like years ago. It was probably like six, seven years ago. And uh

1:11:49 okay. Um I kill myself. Everyone, thank you. I killed myself. We all thought it though. We all thought you were brave enough to say it.

1:11:56 So uh so yeah, but you could like talk and be like, you know, what was it like? I guess I don't know what what else you would ask.

1:12:05 You could they would just you they would just sit there and you can go up and just ask them question.

1:12:08 Yeah. On the hologram, but I think it was like they only had probably like 10 questions you could ask and they'd like walk you through. But now

1:12:13 Oh, they're hologram. They were holograms. Yeah. But if if they [ __ ] put those uh last Holocaust survivors on a podcast for a few years, they'd have all that [ __ ] now. Now you could just put it in. And

1:12:23 I had a conversation, this is some [ __ ] dark [ __ ] I had a conversation with my mom

1:12:27 on chatbt. I was like, act like you're my mom. I gave her all I gave all the information about my mom and I was like, I want to like have a conversation with my mom now about what's going on with my I got really it was [ __ ] up. I do it as a like just a dumb thought experiment for a minute and then like five questions in I'm crying talking to Chad GBT as my mom. What were the inputs you fed Chad GBT?

1:12:46 [ __ ] [ __ ] used to hit me a lot. Really love heroin. Uh, no. I just gave her like personality traits and then I was like I was like I was like ask me questions as my mom about my life and about like it got [ __ ] it was just I don't know why I went down that rabbit hole but it was like then I showed it to my sister and she was like you need to stop using chat GBT. This is sick.

1:13:06 Chat GBT is a demon and it might have just actually talked to your mom. Maybe. Maybe. But it was pretty [ __ ] up and dark. Yeah, that's pretty sad.

1:13:14 Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ] Did you find any like closure in all that? Kind of. It was weirdly therapeutic.

1:13:20 That's kind of nice. Yeah. I mean, that's like they uh there was that one therapy technique um like the empty chair where you would like it there'd be an empty chair and you would just stand in front of a group and like pretend the chair was like your dad or mom.

1:13:31 What did that would it? Yeah. Nice. At the 2016 Republican National Convention. Did he really?

1:13:38 Yeah. You remember that? He was like, "This is Obama. Get out of here, Obama. Really?

1:13:45 That's kind of nice. That would work for a lot of boomers, dude. Like, yo, Obama's in the chair. Let him have it.

1:13:54 2012. I remember the day you got elected. I was [ __ ] pissed. You're a libtard.

1:14:00 I was working construction the day Obama got elected and I was It was a lot of old guys walk. They were seriously like, it was like everyone's football team lost. They would just walk around be like, "Fuck, man." They would see each other and just be like,

1:14:13 it was the funniest. I remember the day kind of sticks with me. Yeah. Just a bunch of floor guys walking in and being like,

1:14:20 "Yeah, at least Obama, they're all criminals and they're all terrible people, but the man could talk. He really he held himself with like that was like the last time we had a president where he like held himself with like

1:14:30 just like respect. You're like you were proud for for Obama to go out and like do a like a world. I don't know anything that we were saying, but you go to like a conference, you be like, "Dude, that's our guy."

1:14:39 But here's here's the problem now is like, okay, he was definitely a skilled statesman, but the problem now is like in this climate, everything he did now, his legacy is that he's gay and his wife has a

1:14:50 which that just sucks how bad the internet is now. You know what I mean? It's like he say he did all this great stuff and it's just like they're going to read the history books.

1:14:56 The politicians are wild, dude. Like where like I saw I don't know who it was. It was like a senator or like you know congressman or something, but he called somebody [ __ ] on Twitter the other I was like, "This is crazy."

1:15:05 It's completely It's like you like you can't be like you you can't say [ __ ] anymore if you're a politician.

1:15:10 It's going off the rails. It's just It's just so sad that you can work your whole life just to have people say you're gay and your wife has That's like so mean. That's the meanest thing. If you were trying to like really bust me up when I was older and you're like, "Yeah, clearly guy's gay and his wife has a penis." I'd be like, "The [ __ ] I worked my whole life."

1:15:26 Have you seen the new uh the new Trump [ __ ] He's literally [ __ ] his pants during interviews.

1:15:32 What do you mean? He's just [ __ ] his pants during interviews. Hold on. What? Like, give me specifics.

1:15:36 There was one he was like talking to reporters like, you know, at the chair. You can hear him fart and then you see a lady go like and he's like, "We got to get you guys out of here."

1:15:46 So, I've seen I've seen a I'm going to counter you across the aisle. I've seen an AOC fart, but I'm wondering if these are just fake.

1:15:53 That's a sexy Latina fart. It doesn't matter. Girl farts are girl I'm I'm anti-girl fart. My wife came in my office and farted in my office yesterday and I was like, "No girl farts in my face."

1:16:02 That's wild. [ __ ] pissing me off. That's wild. It was You know who doesn't fart?

1:16:06 Yeah. AI. True. That's true. Yeah, dude. Girl I was explaining to her, I was like, "Dude, girl farts for real are like disgusting." Like, they're not. When guys fart, it's funny. When girls fart, it's sad and gross.

1:16:19 It's infuriating. It's so [ __ ] It sucks. I get so mad. I farted all night last night.

1:16:25 Yeah. The revengeance. I just I do that every night. But it's like my wife farts once like a month and I'm like, "Dude, what the Seriously, dude. You got to really think about this. What are you doing,

1:16:36 dude? I made my ex cry. I was farting so much she started crying. It stunk so bad. Dude, if I'm eating bad, my farts, it's it's horrific. Dude,

1:16:46 I've been convinced off of my friend Egan was telling me that if you eat reano parmesan cheese, it's made with raw milk and it like doesn't upset your stomach." So, I've been shredding parm regge on everything I eat. I'm like, "Yeah, I was like texting. I'm like, "Bro, thank you for giving me the [ __ ] the green light on this cheese, dude. I've been farting nonstop. It's I I was I had like a honeymoon with this cheese for like a day and now I'm like, "Fuck, I can't eat this anymore."

1:17:10 I was tricked. I was I'll try again. I'll give myself like a week to clear out and I go, I think my stomach's adapted to dairy. I eat it and it's just disgusting.

1:17:18 Yeah. Yeah. Hot farts. That's what dairy gives me. Hot farts. Yeah. No, it's one to one.

1:17:25 It's uh I mean it it is just [ __ ] particles. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, when it's hot. What's Why is Why are for farts hot? Do we ever get into that?

1:17:35 Like what the [ __ ] The inside of your body is hotter than the outside, so you feel

1:17:39 Yeah, but dude, it's I'm talking like scorching hot. Can we Can we just see why farts are hot? Cuz I know they're fart particles, but why are they like charged particles in? Cuz if particles move around, then they get hot. So I'm wondering if like a hot fart is your fart particle. just buming around your [ __ ]

1:17:54 It means you got to You ever see the uh sulfur? There we go. The um there'll be people with like night vision goggles like just watching people in a mall and they just see the like the fart come out of their ass and like the multiolors like like Predator would see it. Predator would Yeah, dude. The thermal [ __ ] dude. Oh, that's what night vision. It's uh Yeah, dude. It's a thermal. Predator would watch farts come out of your ass, dude.

1:18:14 Is that a thing people film? Yeah, you find them for sure, dude. Watching people fart in a mall with thermal glasses. it. I mean, I could do that for the rest of my life, dude. If he if the robots could pay me to do that, that's pure happiness.

1:18:27 The fart police, dude. Literally, fart police would be nice. Could you see like, did I let him sneak out on flights cuz [ __ ] nobody nobody knows? And then I overact. I'm like, "Oh, [ __ ] Who Who did that?"

1:18:40 No, dude. She's singing, dude. It's wild. Farting. Okay, that's coming out of the pipes.

1:18:47 Look at Look at how much farts coming out of her ass, dude. It's wild. I need verification, though, cuz then you just you could just put that cloud up there. I need I need to know I need to wear the goggles myself.

1:18:56 I need the real deal. It'd be so crazy, too, to be like talking to a lady at a party, go up to a lady and be like,

1:19:02 "Did you just [ __ ] fart?" Like, "No." And be like, "I actually know you did. Look at this."

1:19:12 You would probably That's kind of like a nice pickup g like pickup artist move. Yeah.

1:19:16 Wear the fart goggles. You can negate Shane. You're wearing $6,000 fart goggles. That's all they are. Oh, dude. Please have Shane buy fart goggles.

1:19:27 How fun would that be? That's why I can't be rich cuz I would I would own I would own fart goggles for everyone of my friends.

1:19:35 Go out to the bar. How much are thermal goggles, dude? How I I think I I think you can get them for like pretty cheap, actually.

1:19:42 No, I swear to God, cuz it's probably like hunting [ __ ] or something. I don't know. Yeah,

1:19:46 they're probably not as expensive because you can get night vision for not that expensive.

1:19:50 100 to 3,000. You need the good ones. You don't You don't want any cheap fart. You

1:19:54 catch girls farting, dude. You need good ones. You need a subtle instrument. You walking around your house with your wife. You're like, I'm watching. Don't even try to sneak them out.

1:20:07 Oh, it's so funny. You just turn into me looking at my own farts in the air. Get

1:20:11 your legs open. Yeah. Like I always wanted to know how that one that comes the side of my nuts looks like.

1:20:20 Well, god damn it, guys. I think we did it. It was fun. Thank you, Louis. Thank you, dude.

1:20:25 Glad we [ __ ] healed the divide. Yeah. Laughter really is a divine medicine, man.

1:20:29 I love you, buddy. I love you, too. Yeah. Me and La Mer, we we've seen each other a few times this week, so

1:20:33 I know. I know. You guys squashed me. Yeah, we squashed it. We're We're good. We love each other.

1:20:38 And we'll see. You're at a crossroads, dude. You're at a mega You're at a major crossroads. Yeah,

1:20:43 it's up to you. Choose your fate. Choose your fate. Amigo on next. Love that, dude. Crack amigo. Crack amigo's [ __ ] savage, dude.

1:20:54 Oh my god. I thought Dio Beetlejuice was pretty funny. Dab Beetlejuice is a crazy line.

1:20:59 And also, uh, your album is irrelevant in the room. Do you ever worry he'll turn on you?

1:21:08 Uh, no. I don't think so. He's a pretty loyal [ __ ] dude. Yeah, he's pretty loyal. Um I mean I [ __ ] I put him on more than

1:21:16 like you know I really Is that out of like self-p protection? No. No I I Dude, when we did the contest for Kraken Miko, we had like 20 people submit to become Kraken Miko and uh he was so good. We're like we'll never that's what he is and he like embodies the character

1:21:30 and he's the sweetest kid ever. He's like such a sweet nice person and then you just give him a [ __ ] notepad. All that evil comes out and it's but the the other side of it is like he he's just roasting. That's all it is. If we did like a roast battle,

1:21:44 it's literally what we would say about each other. You know what I'm saying? If you're going to roast battle B Chryser, like that's what you would say. I think that comedians we get sensitive because he's not a comic. So he's like it's like where's it come from? But it's all it is. He's just a big comedy fan that [ __ ]

1:21:57 It sucks when there's a good beat behind it. Oh yeah, it's brutal. There's a big There's a sick beat behind that

1:22:01 when you're [ __ ] bumping your head to your own roast. God damn it. Well, god damn it, man. Thank you guys.

1:22:10 Thank you, brother. Thank you guys. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret podcast on Spotify.

1:22:16 Do it.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)"?

Matt McCusker (Host), Shane Gillis (Host).

What is "Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)" about?

The content features a humorous conversation among comedians Louis J. Gomez and Lemaire Lee as they discuss the dynamics of comedy, personal impressions, and the challenges of audience reception. The discussion highlights the importance of laughter in bridging divides and the varying perceptions of humor within the comedy community.

What is mentioned in this Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast episode?

13 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Louis J. Gomez, Jeffrey Epstein, BodyBrain Coffee, Tony Hensliff, Rich Dad Poor Dad, Peter Attia. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)"?

The episode runs 1 h 22 min; the transcript is about 19,678 words in 528 timestamped sections.

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