Transcript

New Moon: Bonus Episode

From Morbid | Podcast · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 2 h 39 min · 32,777 words · 990 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "New Moon: Bonus Episode", an episode of Morbid | Podcast published January 31, 2026 (2 h 39 min, about 32,777 words). It mentions 18 people, works and ideas, including New Moon, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Jacob Black, Stephanie Meyer.

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on the 2009 film "New Moon," exploring its quick production timeline, changes in direction from Catherine Hardwicke to Chris Weitz, and the notable soundtrack which includes prominent artists like Death Cab for Cutie and Thom Yorke, highlighting varying opinions on its musical appeal. The hosts express enthusiasm for both the content and fandom surrounding the film, encouraging engagement with supplementary materials and resources related to the movie.

Key takeaways

  • New Moon's quick production turnaround pushed Cliff Notes into bestseller territory; fast can be fabulous.
  • Bella's hair evolution reflects her emotional turmoil, proving that even vampires aren't immune to bad hair days.
  • Death Cab for Cutie's soundtrack solidifies New Moon as a time capsule of hipster angst and angsty hipsters.
  • Charlie transforms into the unexpected snack of the saga; proof that dads can age like fine wine, not cheese.
  • The Vulturi: the original Italian gothic horror story meets teen drama—because who doesn't love a good vampire family feud?

Who speaks in this episode?

  • Ash (Host) · 1 h 19 min speaking
  • Elena (Host) · 1 h 19 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: New Moon, Bella Swan, Twilight, The Illustrated Guide
  2. – 30:00: Edward Cullen, New Moon, Stephanie Meyer
  3. – 45:00: Edward Cullen, New Moon, The Volturi, The Illustrated Guide
  4. – 1:00:00: Stephanie Meyer, The Illustrated Guide
  5. – 1:15:00: Bella Swan
  6. – 1:30:00: Bella Swan, New Moon, Leah Clearwater
  7. – 1:45:00: The Illustrated Guide, Face Punch
  8. – 2:00:00: Twilight, New Moon, Tom York
  9. – 2:15:00: Stephanie Meyer, Tom York, The Illustrated Guide, Breaking Dawn
  10. – 2:30:00: Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
  11. – 2:38:43: New Moon, Stephanie Meyer

Notable quotes from "New Moon: Bonus Episode"

  • Yeah. We're we're we're talking about new moon. Everybody I hope you watched. I hope you read. I hope you got the illustrated guide. I hope you've been on Stephy's website.
    about New Moon · at
  • Oh, damn. All right. We really We're killing it with this. And Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cap for Cutie. Banger.
    about Death Cab for Cutie · at
  • According to the illustrated guide, hair doesn't grow if you're a vampire.
    about The Illustrated Guide · at
  • But there's one there's one in a later I think it's Breaking Dawn.
    about Breaking Dawn · at
  • Yeah. There's there one of the things is they didn't get compensated for the story essentially. they're a massive their lore one isn't exactly this lore. It's it's been twisted a little bit.
    about Quileute Tribe · at
  • Shifter thing does become like a central part of this whole thing, which is what we've been waiting for. We finally are going to get the true Bella, Jacob, and Edward triangle. It's the beginning right here. This is where it begins.
    about Jacob Black · at
  • Description of New Moon Stephanie wrote for Bella Swan there is one thing more important than life itself Edward Cullen I would like to go on record that like when I'm a mother…
    about Edward Cullen · at
  • So, according to the illustrated guide, they're basically royalty to vampires, which Edward says as much. there's five core members. at this moment, it's Arrow, Kais, Marcus, SPIA, which is Arrow's wife. Oh, yeah. Does she ever.
    about The Volturi · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Edward Cullen — Person · Fictional male lead (referenced character) · 6 mentions · first at
    Key focus of the episode’s analysis: his breakup with Bella, perceived toxicity, and his role in the love triangle.
  • Bella Swan — Person · Fictional protagonist (referenced character) · 5 mentions · first at
    Central character in the New Moon discussion; hosts critique her behavior, relationships, and mental health portrayal.
    This is from the website in the description of New Moon Stephanie wrote for Bella Swan there is one thing more important than life itself Edward Cullen I would like to go on…
  • Jacob Black — Person · Fictional love-triangle lead (referenced character) · 5 mentions
    Discussed as the other point of the Bella/Edward/Jacob triangle; hosts critique Bella’s treatment of him and discuss werewolf lore.
  • Stephanie Meyer — Person · Referenced author / source of canon · 8 mentions · first at
    Cited as the creator of the story and lore; hosts quote her website and the Illustrated Guide to support/criticize canon details.
    Toxic [ __ ] Edward Bella's relationship is the most literally this is from this is from the website in the description of New Moon Stephanie wrote for Bella Swan there is one…
  • Chris Weitz — Person · Referenced film director · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the director of New Moon, contrasted with Catherine Hardwicke and discussed in terms of production turnaround.
    2009. This one's directed by Chris Whites this time, not Catherine Hardwick. Apparently, it was the short production time that got her cuz she didn't want to have to like she didn't.
  • Catherine Hardwicke — Person · Referenced film director · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the director of Twilight (not New Moon) and discussed as having stepped away due to short production time.
    2009. This one's directed by Chris Whites this time, not Catherine Hardwick. Apparently, it was the short production time that got her cuz she didn't want to have to like she…
  • Tom York — Person · Referenced musician (soundtrack discussion) · 4 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as part of the New Moon soundtrack; name appears as 'Tom York' (likely referring to Thom Yorke).
    Tom York. It's got Muse. Oh, I belong to you. The new moon remix. Remix.
  • Leah Clearwater — Person · Fictional supporting character (referenced character) · 2 mentions · first at
    Introduced in lore discussion as the only known female shapeshifter in the pack; foreshadows later plotlines.
    A lot of them are men. There's only one woman who has shapeshifted. That's Leah Clearwater. We'll get to her. You'll get a lot more of her in the third book, I believe.
  • Lykke Li — Person · Referenced musician (soundtrack discussion) · 1 mention · first at
    Identified as the artist behind the song 'Possibility' on the New Moon soundtrack; hosts encourage listeners to look it up.
    Yeah. Yep. And it's called Possibility.

Books & papers

  • New Moon — Book · Primary topic · 11 mentions · first at
    The second book in the Twilight series, the main focus of the podcast episode.
  • Twilight — Book · Referenced work · 6 mentions · first at
    The first book in the Twilight series, mentioned as part of the series discussion.
    Cuz I feel like you couldn't come out of Twilight, the first movie or the first book, and truly be Are you team Jacob or are you team Edward? Cuz there was no team like you were.
  • The Illustrated Guide — Book · Referenced work · 8 mentions · first at
    A companion book to the Twilight series, mentioned for providing additional lore.
  • Breaking Dawn — Book · Referenced work · 3 mentions · first at
    A book in the Twilight series, mentioned in passing regarding a character's laugh.

Companies & orgs

  • The Volturi — Company · Referenced group · 1 mention · first at
    A fictional vampire coven in the Twilight series, mentioned as vampire royalty enforcing laws.
  • Quileute Tribe — Company · Referenced group · 1 mention · first at
    A real Native American tribe whose lore is used in the Twilight series, mentioned in the context of werewolf mythology.

Media & podcasts

  • Death Cab for Cutie — Media · Referenced music · 2 mentions · first at
    A band whose music is part of the New Moon soundtrack, mentioned as a favorite.
  • Muse — Media · Referenced music · 1 mention · first at
    A band whose music is part of the New Moon soundtrack, mentioned briefly.
    Tom York. It's got Muse. Oh, I belong to you. The new moon remix. Remix.
  • Face Punch — Media · Referenced media · 1 mention · first at
    A fictional movie mentioned by Bella in a humorous context.
    Face Punch. And she's I would love to see Face Punch. And she's Everyone, do you want to see Face Punch with us? Face Punch. Wanu. And they're all Punch face. Let's go. And I was Poor Mike. He's just there.

Full transcript with timestamps

Hey weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Elena. And it's time for a [ __ ] new moon bonus.

Time [ __ ] We've been so excited for this. I'm [ __ ] lit right now. It's about to get cuckoo nuts bananas up in this [ __ ]

It's about You're about to sit in a chair for four months. Is what you're about to do.

There's a possibility. There is a possibility that you will Can I listen? We're just going to jump right in.

Yeah. At one point she's looking out that window. I think it's in October and there's just rand like that's her sideyard.

Yeah. There's a whole family walking through her yard. Why? And they we are to we are to believe that they that there are woods right there. So I'm like

they just emerge from where they come from. Like why are they just walking outside of your I always think that when I see

Halloween goes nuts I guess. Yeah. We're uh we're we're talking about new moon. Everybody

I hope you watched. I hope you read. I hope you got the illustrated guide. I hope you've been on Stephy's website.

I hope you have. I hope you've done it all. But the good news is if you've done none of those things, we've done it for you.

Here we are. Here we are, [ __ ] Uh, it came out in 2009. 2009. 2009. This one's directed by Chris Whites this time, not Catherine Hardwick. Apparently, it was the short production time that got her cuz she didn't want to have to like she didn't think she could get the story with script right in like because it was like a year or something.

It was very quick. It was a real quick turnaround. Yeah. Um, so that's interesting. This one we also got I mean this one has a banger soundtrack as well.

This I think of all the movies this one has my favorite soundtrack. Really? Yeah. I think maybe

I think so. Yeah. I really like the first soundtrack. I like the second one better. But I do like the first one.

I mean this one has death cab for cutie. How can you go wrong? Tom York. It's got Muse. Oh, I belong to you. The new moon remix. Remix. remix.

That's honestly where it's at. And then you have the It's a possibility. Was that Licky Lee?

Yeah. Yep. And it's called Possibility. Possibility. Look it up. There's also that one. Okay. Go, I think. Shooting the moon.

Oh, yeah. You're right. Loved that song. That's a good one, too. Oh, damn. All right. We really We're killing it with this. And Meet Me on the Equinox by Death Cap for Cutie. Banger.

So, of a time. Yeah, it will transport you right back there. It's a very hipster time.

Oh, yeah. Of skinny time. And scarves like the cloth scarves and that one jacket that everybody had.

Yeah, that one jacket. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. Or like gray sometimes.

Yep. It could be gray. It could be green. Mhm. But damn, everything just killing it.

We loved it. And you know, they they seem to have gotten um Bella's hair is really right in this one.

And do you know how much awfuler it's going to get, though? Yeah. Her hair's so good in this movie.

Yeah. The next movie, her hair, we everywhere. Her hair is something infidelities.

Her hair is absolutely screaming infidelities. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Um, what's interesting to me is I think Al doesn't Alice's hair look longer in this one.

In this one, yeah, it does a little bit. Um, according to the illustrated guide, hair doesn't grow if you're a vampire. So, I'm not really sure how that happened.

Maybe she's just styling it differently. Maybe. Maybe. Who can be sure? I'm trying to think of Oh, Rosaly in this one. Goddess. Goddess.

She looks amazing. She honestly she looks amazing in everything. Her hair looks really good in this one. It's a wig.

Yeah, it looks great. But it's a good wig. Great wig. Like this one's real good.

Um, and Rosalie is not in it a lot in this one, but when she's in it, she makes a [ __ ] impact. Her statement at the end, I was like, "Ooh, yeah."

And we'll talk about it, don't worry. Um, Jasper's hair looks absolutely [ __ ] insane. Jasper is absolutely [ __ ] insane.

The Confederate soldier's hair looks just outrageous. Yeah, it has also grown somehow. I don't know.

No, no, I didn't. I'm not really sure. Couldn't Couldn't Couldn't have done it.

Couldn't have done it. Won't uh he looks like a wild animal. Yeah, very much so.

Um and and he becomes one and he does shortly, which makes absolutely no sense, but we'll talk about that when we get there.

We're going to talk about that as well. Um I'm just trying to think of anybody else. Charlie looks Charlie looks like a [ __ ] certified snack.

Charlie somehow looks even better. He does. Like I'm like, "Wow." Agreed. Uh yeah, when he first walks in, like we'll get to it with the birthday presents. I was like, "Hi, Charlie.

Hey, hi dad." Like, what's going on? Hi, Zatty. So, everybody looks great. We don't have to really deal with Bella's mom, which is great cuz we hate Rene.

Can't stand Renee. Rene is the worst. Cannot stand her. Of course. Of course, Bella's having a [ __ ] meltdown crisis.

I think at one point in the book, it it's described as a walking coma. Yeah. She's suffering and Rene's nowhere to be found.

Nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. It's It's fine. She's got her, you know, she's got her minor league baseball player boyfriend. Yeah.

So, it's pretty serious. Phil. Yeah. There you go, Phil. Uh, we do meet some new

folks in this one, which maybe we're going to we're going to meet the Vuri. I love the Vuri.

I too very much love the Vuri. I love one person in particular and you love one person in particular and they're a different person. And I absolutely know that everyone knows that I love Arrow so much.

Yeah. His insane laugh. Is that in this movie or is that in a later one? He does one in this. He's He's known to do many.

But there's one there's one in a later I think it's Breaking Dawn. It is Breaking Dawn. I think

I can't When we get there does a [ __ ] sick impression of it. It's true. Sick in every sense of the word.

Yeah. He's played by Michael Sheen and I think he just eats that role up. He was made for that.

He really was. Marcus Marcus, tortured Marcus who looks like he's literally [ __ ] himself and is like suffering the worst gastrointestinal pain of all time.

He's in such distress. In the movie, I was like, "What the [ __ ] is wrong with that guy?"

And here's the thing. When we get to it, I'll explain who all these people are. I'll explain their backstories from the illustrated guide once again. So all these are directly from Stephanie Meyers's own brainium. Um some of them even have conflicting information about themselves within the same paragraph. So that's fun

fun and new. Um and we'll get to like some of these little uh some of the little things like you know

we mention imprinting in this one. You're shuttered. Uh, we are going to learn about finally the werewolves in this one. We we didn't really have it going on in Twilight. Um, we get to see why the Quillute tribe, which is a real tribe. Yeah.

Why they have mixed feelings about this whole thing. Yeah. And by mixed feelings, we mean like aren't really happy about it.

Yeah. There's there one of the things is they didn't get compensated for the story essentially. I mean, they're a massive their lore one isn't exactly this lore. It's it's been twisted a little bit.

Uh and so there's that which is not great. Yeah. And then also the lore is used for a very large part of this story and they just kind of saw nothing except for people trapesing around trying to like get a glimpse.

Yeah. Like kind of becoming tourist attractions and that's that's so American. Not great. Yeah.

Um, not great at all. Uh, they did establish um PE people of the tribe establish the Truth versus Twilight initiative

and it's via the Burke Museum and apparently it's to like combat the the uh false part of the narrative.

That's so shitty that they kind of Yeah. Like they just wanted to they just wanted to like counter what was right and truth and what was made up for Twilight, right? Um, so we'll get back we'll get into that as well. But I the never being compensated thing I was like that's a bummer. That's really shitty

cuz I also just I'm like if you're going to make up like this story and this lore and have it involve

real people real like it's like why you should have just made up a whole if completely fictionalize like meaning fictionalize

who these people are if you're you know what I mean cuz it's I feel like it's worse to take from real and use the real Quill tribe name

and I mean I am not part of the quill tribe obviously. So, I'm speaking from a totally outsider point of view, just what

it looks like to me. Um, but I don't know. I feel like I would be a little annoyed by that.

Yeah, probably. But you can only do what you can do. Yeah. And either way, the werewolf shape shifter thing does become like a central part of this whole thing, which is what we've been waiting for. We finally are going to get the true Bella, Jacob, and Edward triangle. It's the beginning right here. This is where it begins. Especially the end of this movie like really heats it up for Eclipse and it's just

Yeah. wild. Cuz I feel like you couldn't come out of Twilight, the first movie or the first book, and truly be like, "Are you team Jacob or are you team Edward?" Cuz there was no team like you were

Well, and you barely saw Jacob. Yeah. Like And and Jacob kind of felt like this like younger brotheresque thing almost like you know like you he wasn't even on your radar. And then even in even in New Moon, it's hard to choose because Edward has just basically been

dominated the whole thing. Not only dominated the whole thing, but is an [ __ ] in in New Moon.

Yeah. Like true. It's hard to be team Edward in New Moon. Yeah. And you you do feel like I felt so bad for Jacob at times in this one.

Mhm. Because I felt like, damn, he just got like full-blown used. No, he really did. And she basically says as much at one point.

Yeah. Like she's pretty pretty. She's like, "Yeah, I'm just going to hang out with you because like I don't really want to

because I'm kind of losing my mind without, oh, you want you want to vroom vroom on these bikes, Jacob?

You want to you want to go for a ride?" But then when he and we'll get to it obviously, but then when he's basically like, I'm not going to give up. And I was like, you do have to at some point though when somebody has told you they're not interested.

Yeah. You can't just keep going. Well, is it like a weird thing because he like with the imprinting stuff like obviously later and we'll get into that like when the time comes, but he imprints on Reneesme who's like uh Edward and Bella's baby,

an infant. An infant. Like I said, we'll get there. But it's like did something like in him inherently know that that was going to like not like consciously, but that's why he couldn't be rid of Bella or is he just [ __ ] obsessed with it? No, I think he's just obsessed with I think he's honestly I think he's like in love with her. He's like very or like whatever it is infatuated.

Infatuated and and the problem is like I said before like when someone says they're not interested. You got to move on. She doesn't

really say it. She kind of like is like she doesn't say it till the end. Yeah. You know, like the end she makes it it's always going to be him. I'm going to pick him every time. That's clear as day. So that's when it's like, but before that, you're like, you need to be a little clearer to him.

Well, that's the thing. You're like nuzzling up on him. You're like almost kissing him a lot. You're telling him these beautiful days together

and then you're just kind of being like, and it's like just be a little more upfront. Like just say no, it's okay. Just say like not interested, not going to be interested.

From what I remember of the third one, like I feel really bad for Jacob in this one because of all that. But then in the third one you're like, "Okay, Jacob, [ __ ] you."

Well, that's exactly because it's like in this one they really set you up to be like,

"Oh, that poor kid. That poor kid." Until it gets to the end and then you're kind of like,

"All right, [ __ ] going on here." And then in the third in Eclipse, you're like,

"Okay." Like it's like I'm getting a restraining order. Yeah. And then there's also like Edward can be a dick. It's like this is just toxic [ __ ] Edward Bella's relationship is the most literally this is from

this is from the website in the description of New Moon Stephanie wrote for Bella Swan there is one thing more important than life itself Edward Cullen

I would like to go on record that like when I'm a mother if any [ __ ] lore like this ever emerges in my household like if if I ever find a book that says this [ __ ] on the back of anything if anything like near it. I'll sit my girlies down and be like, "Girls or or boys or whoever, what the [ __ ] is this? This is so not okay."

Yeah. Like I think about my mom letting me watch this. I'm like, "Did you read this?" That's the thing. Like

this is so toxic. I feel like this is like, you know what it is? It's like this is like when you read these things as an adult like these dark romances where like it's a morally gray love interest and all that that becomes like

appropriate in a way that you can distinguish that from Yes. your real life. You know what I mean? Cuz like

cuz like right now like I'm read by the way I'm reading Fantasma um by Kaylee Smith. I really hope I got I think you're right. Let me just make sure I get on your counter, but I don't know.

Is it right next to me? Oh, yeah. I was like, wait, I I keep bringing it around with me. I wanted to make sure I got her name right. It's Fantasma by Kaylee Smith. Such a good book. It's like a horroresque dark romance.

Really good. And also like fantasy in there cuz it's like so like dark romanty.

Yeah. And like the the love interest is this like phantom obsessed named Blackwell who's like very morally gray. And I'm but I'm literally like spend the rest of your days with him. Like I'm like that's

but in real life John is very much not Blackwell the Phantom who's morally gray.

I I can you know like he's a good guy. Like it's like when you're an adult you can sit there and be like oh get it girl and then like you can be like but I love this man who's a good man.

But I feel like what you were saying like there was such young girls reading this. I thought this was top tier romance.

And this is for this to be where you get your like, oh, this is love. This is pure.

This man leaving you in the woods in a coma is real love. Coming from like now an adult point of view and a parent point of view. I'm like, [ __ ] Like,

abandon me in the woods and run away from me with your whole family. So, I know it's real.

So, I know like what? How does he get the whole family involved? Everybody has to leave.

The last family like Qua and where does everybody? So unclear where everybody goes.

Very unclear. Where does everybody go? I also here's the thing and again we're going to get to it. But

ob during this whole thing, Edward appears to Bella in a vision, right? whenever she's doing some reckless [ __ ]

Mhm. And it like so when I f I don't remember reading this like I I remember that I read this book. I didn't remember like all the details

and then I remember seeing the movie. Not once did I ever know until about 20 minutes ago when Ash informed me that she was not actually seeing. And I thought he was somehow projecting himself cuz in the books she only hears him. Yeah,

she doesn't see him. And in the movie, obviously, they wanted that visual element, so they have him appear. I thought he was really projecting himself. And I thought that's why he said, "Don't be reckless." Cuz he was like, "I don't want to have to project myself."

No, she just knows that he would say that. But that's why I'm like, but I get what you're saying cuz it's not super obvious.

Cuz I'm like, you set this up so to not be clear. Yeah. Well, in her mind, it is very clear.

It's not. So, this is this is from uh Stephanie Meyer's like actual website, like the archives. Um, this is frequently asked questions from New Moon. Was Edward somehow physically connected to Bella with the whole hearing voices thing? Or if you're watching the movie, like the seeing him.

Yeah. She says, "No." So powerfully was Bella's subconscious knowledge trying to break through her weheaded notions that it produced some very convincing delusions. I'm not surprised that people thought in the beginning that Edward was somehow there. Wishful thinking on all of our parts. However, I am surprised that people continued to think this after a certain event that made it impossible to believe that Edward was aware of Bella's circumstances. Can you guess what it was? Laurent in the meadow. If Edward had any inkling of the fact that Victoria had returned for Bella, no matter how far away on the planet he was, he would have been back to Forks within 24 hours.

Here's the thing, that's not that clear. She was in imminent danger a couple of times. She got on the back of that motorcycle. He go he's watching her go like do these stupid things,

you know, or like in if you think that he is watching. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that this is him projecting. If that's what you thought, which is what I thought,

then it would be like but no, I've seen if I think he's really appearing, then I've seen him let her do this stupid [ __ ] over and over again,

right? And it's like who's to say that Lorent isn't bullshitting, you know? Like to me that didn't seem very serious when he said it. I thought he was bullshitting at first.

What? Like like if I would like Laurent like I could Victoria was back. Yeah. Like I could see cuz he does do kind of like a flipperoo where like in the first movie in the first book he like he kind of works with the Cullens and like helps warn them and then he does this like flipperoo where he's just like I don't know. I guess I'll just eat you now. And it's like what the [ __ ] like it does seem a little like you know

like what's going on here which like I guess he's hungry vampire clearly and his eyes are like bright red so he's clearly hungry like or has you know he's going

he just doesn't give a [ __ ] he's wild now you know but I don't know I just that would that didn't I think it didn't hit hard enough for me

well I mean obviously it didn't hit hard enough for a lot of people because it's a frequently asked question

yeah like you you wonder I'm like yeah to me it just felt like it made more sense to me that there was some kind of like telepathic connection between them where he could project himself into her thoughts or into her space there, especially when it was just a voice.

Yeah, that made more sense to me. Thinking now that like she was just literally losing it,

like literally having delusions auditorially and visually hallucinating him is so much more upsetting.

Well, she is like like that's really This is sick. Yeah. When now that I know that I'm like this is even worse than I thought.

But I mean she tells us on the back of the book there is one thing more important than life itself.

Edward Cullen. Like that is fizzy fizzy [ __ ] Yeah. Like obviously like people like like you love your children more than life itself or you love like

that's really the only thing I can think of is that like you love your children more than life itself.

They've been together at this point for months. They're teenage. Well, she's a teenager.

They're teenage. And I'm also like you've presumably never loved a boy before. Like which of course

when you love someone for the first time? It's so it is all consumed. And it's not to say that like I'm not sitting here being like what the [ __ ] Get over it. Like I was a [ __ ] wreck over

much bigger losers than Edward Cullen. Let me tell you. Let's be real. Distraught.

Yeah. Not this distraught. Oh my god. Not not walking coma distraught and like sitting alone at a lunch table

getting on the back of losers motorcycles jumping off a cliff. Jumping off a like this is I'm sorry.

Screaming in the middle of the night. That's exactly that. I would call the doctor.

I'd call someone. I would absolutely on the be on the phone with the doctor. Mom, pick me up. I'm scared. Doctor, call in something because this is

we got to do something about this. I mean, poor Charlie. Poor Charlie. But also, I'm like, Charlie, call someone. Like, who does he call

a professional? I don't Who's the professional? Psychologist, a psychiatrist. Bring her to the fact that nobody brings her to the hospital

is cuckoo nuts. It is cuckoo nuts. like this is obviously this is fiction but if this was really happening you would be like we have to get you evaluated change here

and in instead Charlie's like I'm going to send you back to Arizona because this is not okay and I'm like I don't think uprooting her and sending her to live to Arizona he does say that the mom is also in on that which makes most sense

that actually makes sense come on back yeah I'm like you don't even have a permanent address Renee

I know cuz they're in like Jacksonville I think at that point Yeah. Um or they were

who knows? But when we start this whole thing too, this whole thing really relies on age.

Yes. I mean, it starts off. She harps and harps. This is an 18-year-old girl. Let me tell you, from from my aged position over here,

Yeah. pissing me off listening to her complain. When she gets up and is like, "Do I have a gray hair?" I'm like, "Go [ __ ] yourself. Unless you ring me on the horn when you have to buy a box of dye every couple weeks just to make sure you don't look like, you know, mother time over here.

Can I tell you something? Drew didn't know that you dyed your hair. That is the greatest compliment I've ever heard in my life.

Drew did not know that just that you dyed your hair. That just And then here I'm outing him fully. He's going to be so

I go, she gets gray sometimes. Like, have you not seen that? And he goes, "I just thought that was like her roots." And and I said, "Well, yeah,

that are gray that like if that kept growing, her hair would be gray. So when it goes away, it's cuz she dyes it." And he was like,

"Oh, okay." We had like an hourong conversation about it. And then I was like, like we we talked about family hair. I was like, "Are you all right?" Oh, are you And then we talked about like how red heads occur in families. It was crazy.

I'm obsessed with that. Yeah. I had to I had to bring back the the lore of Punet squares.

He the No, I literally was like, "Do you remember punit squares and like recessive traits?" And he was like kind of No, actually I That's probably his exact reaction. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that he didn't know. That honestly just made me feel so good cuz I'm like, "Well, damn."

He had no idea. We're keeping it looking real here, so that's good. Later in the argument, he was like, "Well, no." Like I knew she dyed her hair and I was like, "No, when this started you had no idea." I said, "No."

I love that a lot. Yeah, it was wild. I love it. Um, so that's amazing. But yeah, the that the whole age thing is is a real thing.

They come after 40year-olds in particular later. They sure do. I thought was going to eat her computer across

a [ __ ] across the room. Uh, but it begins with Bella being like an elder. Yes. And it's like her and she's having a dream about her and Edward and she's an older woman. She's an elder and they're in the meadow and he says, "Happy birthday, Bella."

Um, she's beautiful. She's a beautiful woman. Debbie thought she was Jane Goodall.

Yeah. I was like, damn. RIP. RIP. Um, but I understand her pissiness here cuz like if my boyfriend is hot and immortal and is never going to age and outright refuses to allow me the experience of staying hot and never aging.

Mhm. I'd break up with him. Yeah. You're not going to make me age. Like that's not something that's going to happen.

You won't do it. as somebody who has a whole [ __ ] arsenal of skin care right now trying to make it so that I don't look like a prune in the next few years.

If my boyfriend had if John had venom in his veins that he could just give to me to make it so I stop this and I never have to put like I love Metacube but I would never have to do my full metacube process ever again. Yeah.

And he was like, "No, I won't do that for you. Leave. Deal breaker. Find you. There's obviously more vampires out there.

Yeah. What the [ __ ] Find somebody who will." I I asked him recently. I was like, "Would you?" Cuz I was I was like going through this and thinking about it. I was like, "Would you do that for me?"

He was like, "Of course I would. Why not?" I don't That's the That's the big like plot hole here is like, "Why not?"

And I think it's And it's the whole soul. [ __ ] that. Yeah. [ __ ] that. when like eventually well and then by the end of this like spoiler alert he's gonna have to because now the [ __ ] now he has to but he's even trying to get out of it then I know

that [ __ ] I'm like godamn I would I'd start I'd be sus I'd be like who is it that you have that would be my crazy thought process especially at 18 years old

he's not he's not changing me into a mortal baddy who is your immortal baddy that you will not you're just waiting for me to age You got a side piece. What the [ __ ] is going on?

I'd be pissed. I didn't like it. Uh, this is It's her birthday. She's turning 18.

Yeah. We see Charlie. He brings in adorable little And she she loves purple and he wrapped them in purple. A

It was very sweet. And he looks so good. He does. The first shot of Charlie, I was like setting us off, right?

Yeah. Um, she get she gets a digital camera and it's like a pink digital camera and it brought me back.

Oh, yeah. I had a blue one. Oh, I loved it. I remember one, I think. But remember taking mirror pics with your camera.

Yeah, they had to be in the picture. Yep. And there's another part when she goes to school and she sees everybody and she goes to take a picture of all of them and she You used like two hands to take a photo.

Yeah, cuz nobody steady. Yeah. She does that like mouth thing where she goes her bottom lip in

and she like blinks a lot and holds it up with one hand and just is like and when she does it she makes this face like oh this is really hard

and she snaps that photo with one finger and I said that's blurry. Yeah, that's blurry. Nobody can tell me that's not blurry.

She also when they're like oh like Bella it's the big day like yay like I'm excited to see you. She takes that camera and is like, "My mom wants me to like make a scrapbook of memories, so I guess I'll take a couple of pictures of you [ __ ] idiots that I hang out with from time to time. I don't even [ __ ] like you."

No, she It's giving the energy of like, "You guys are [ __ ] scoundrels and I hate you, but post this [ __ ] picture."

Yeah. She's like, "I would never commit your images to film." No, she wouldn't.

But my mom said I had to. I was like, "Are you 18?" Rene wants me to make a [ __ ] scrapbook smile. stay being friends with her. I think it's one of those ride or dies right here.

They are. In fact, I think it's one of those things, especially for Mike, is like you want the girl that doesn't want you,

I guess, cuz she doesn't want anybody like she's and that's why everybody including friends, she doesn't want any of that.

Yeah, it's wild. Honestly, Jessica is the realest [ __ ] in this entire thing. And we'll get to her.

And I remember thinking when I was younger that she was such a [ __ ] They set her up to be. They set her up to be like they like the the they know who they're playing to.

Yeah. And because you watch it as a younger person, you're like, "Oh my god, Jessica, like why don't you understand what Bella's going through?" You watch as an adult, you're like, "Oh my god, Bella, you're the worst [ __ ] friend ever, and can you just listen to her problems too?"

No, of course you won't. No, of course you won't. And behind her, Edward pulls into the parking lot and takes up three spaces.

Thank you. I parks at least three spaces. Let me tell you because I have personal experience with this horizontally.

I went on a date with a guy that did that and when he got out of the car and I sat in the car, he had to like run in and do something. I said, "This will be our first and last date. I will never go out with this man again."

Are you you out there? If you're listening right now, do you or someone you love do that? Do you park across three [ __ ] spaces horizontally like a [ __ ]

snicker doodle [ __ ] I had never What is that? Like a snicker doodle? I don't know.

It's the closest thing. I don't know. Do you do that? Like a snicker doodle [ __ ] You said that with such gusto. I said, "Is that a thing?"

It's a thing that snicker doodle. I made it up. I don't know. I don't know. I just needed I needed something. if it hits for me. Okay. I thought you were going to say like like a [ __ ] No, like a snicker doodle [ __ ] No, I just remember like having that experience and being like

Yeah, that's looking at it on film. I don't know how I didn't notice it before because now I just noticed it too

and I was like like immediately was like oh god I'd be like get the [ __ ] back in that car and you park like you want to pretend you're a human. Get back in the car and park like a [ __ ] human. Gibb's like, "I'm more important than these two other people."

What the? I'm like, "Fuck you." In your Volvo. Like at my school, they would tow you.

Yeah. They'd [ __ ] take your car away forever. In my school, they just throw a bunch of baloney on your car. Go ahead. At the end of the day, take that off. Takes the paint right off.

First, she hits us with snicker doodle [ __ ] And then she tells us that at her school, which I went to, by the way, that they would throw baloney at your car. What is the dark lore there? What did somebody who hurt you?

Nobody did. What? I've I've I've heard about it. Okay. What? It's happened. It's happened. Baloney will take the paint right off their baked school officials do that.

The principal out here like, "Make it a great day or not, I'm going to throw baloney at your car." I'm just saying. I would throw bologoney at his car. That's crazy. Also, the fact that baloney takes the paint off of car and and cars and people still eat it is that should tell you something.

It is rauny. Also, they kiss in this um scene and it's porn. Cuz Bell is like like they barely keep it together. like they are so glad for them that they're having that experience every single time they kiss. Maybe have it at at home.

That those are private moments like not in the middle of the school parking lot cuz both of them look like I was like

do you need a minute? Like what? Those are the noises that they literally nuts.

It's frightening. It is. And then so they have their porn kiss and then Jacob shows up and is like Bella. And he's like, "I got a birthday present for you." She looks over and says, "Jacob." And then she does this hair tuck thing where she's like

like this very like like giddy like coetish like and she literally goes to tuck her hair behind her ear in that like way.

Yeah. And then she's like, "Hello biceps. Your tongue was just in your boyfriend's throat.

Actually, it wasn't because she would have passed out had that been the case. That's very true. But

basically, the the idea was there. It was implied. And then you turn around, get super giddy about this.

Got to fix your hair immediately and then say, "Hello, biceps." I can tell you right now, I don't know that John would be super understanding of this. No, Drew definitely.

Here's the thing. I do know that John would not be super understanding about that's just I'm like I know that I wouldn't be super understanding about this.

No. Had this been flipped around. I'm barely understandable about like celebrities that this would not go over well. Also, Bella, today's your 18th birthday. Jacob's 16. Yeah. Leave his biceps alone.

Leave his biceps. Those baby biceps. It is. Now they run into Alice and Alice is wearing like a paint smok.

Yeah. As an outfit. Yeah. Um she looks adorable though. Yeah. She's cute even in the paint smok. Her hair did grow.

It did. The whole time they're talking because Alice wants to plan a party for Bella's birthday.

You know, she just wants to have the Cullins. It's very strange. Yeah. Weird. Uh Jasper, our Confederate soldier guy back there, he is just like losing his He's He's like in the back. He's losing his religion. like he's just he can't he can bar he can barely hold it together and no one is bleeding right now.

Here's the other thing like accidents happen a lot at school. Like people get paper cuts pretty frequently. Kids get into fights sometimes and blood is drawn like

bloody noses. Bloody noses. Periods. Periods are happening. Period. Period. Yeah.

How does he keep it together? It's a it's a great question. And also he does this like mind thing on Bella or like the body calming effect cuz she says like no fair Jasper

that's not it doesn't hold up later. He can control like the temperature of everybody's mood

but she's supposed to be like a have like a force field around her basically. Yeah.

Remember cuz later on she's got like some kind of block when Jane tries to do the thing to her later. It just doesn't work

and it doesn't work when Arrow does. So wide as Jasper. The white is Jasper. Unless

And why can Alice see her choices and visions? Yeah, it's all a little muddy. Yeah, there is a little muddiness.

There is a little bit. Little bit. A little bit. Uh in in class they're watching Romeo and Juliet cuz that's a heavy theme in this whole thing as well.

Um clearly isn't the is the prologue Romeo and Juliet? Is it? I have to me everybody. I think it was supposed to be and if it's not I think it got

Oh, there's like a the first page is these violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die like fire and powder which as they kiss consume. Gorgeous. Um

when Edward recites Romeo and Juliet, I get it. I understand. Here's the thing.

Does nothing for you. I didn't really I don't really I think it's be I think it's the deadeyed way in which he does it.

Well, he is dead like but here and and for that um usually I love somebody who looks like they've passed on but she's got that Nicole Richie type but usually I'm for that.

If you've seen that Tik Tok, you know it's when you're reciting um Shakespeare.

Yeah. Give me a little something. Did you give me a little something behind that when you're deadeyed staring and just like mono salobically saying it? Not doing it. [ __ ] five point.

Not doing it for me. I think that I was conditioned to love Edward Cullen and I don't want to be unconditioned.

Just know like I recognize that it's toxic but I'm here for it. I also love Edward Cullen. I mean I love I love and I know everybody knows this if you watched the rewatcher with us and listened along. I love a morally gray to just outright vile fictional dude. So I'm I'm not here to tell anybody.

I'm not here to tell you that like you shouldn't like Edward Cullen cuz I love Edward Cullen as a character. It's just that that read

didn't do the different strokes for different folks. Give me a little something. It's Shakespeare. Put a little Put a little something into it.

I felt I felt what he put in there. It it was that deadeyed stare I couldn't get past. But while they're they're watching Romeo and Juliet in school in class before he recites it and he just like casually tells Bell he's like, "You know that time when you got bit by James and like almost died? Um I was just going to kill myself." And she was like, "Whoa." And he was like,

"I mean time to say it." Well, and he's literally like, "I planned it." And she's like, "You what? Like excuse me." And she's and he's like, "Yeah, I know. It's like it's a little harder for me to do it." So, I was going to go to Italy and I was going to, you know, I was going to like provoke the Vuri into killing me and planned

on their conversation. That's You're just sitting in the back of English class.

Yeah. And also like the Vuri is not supposed to be known to anybody. No. So, him even telling her that is no bueno.

Him saying that in English class is probably pretty wild. Probably an issue. If Arrow heard that, he would laugh so hard and then and he would kill you.

Really? He should have no problem. It's like you're [ __ ] this up. Yeah. Well, no, he shouldn't. He doesn't know that because he has to touch the person before he hears all their thoughts,

but later he touches Edward. Yeah. But I'm sure that one didn't, you know, permeate.

There's millions of thoughts that he's reading to. I'm sure that one didn't permeate. You would think hearing Voluri,

you would think might ding. You know, speaking of the Vuri, he explains the one law that the Vurter really enforces is that they have to keep the existence of vampires a secret. Um, and with that, I want to just quickly tell you about the Vuri.

Let's [ __ ] go mentioning them. Illustrated guide. Illustrated guide alert. So, according to the illustrated guide,

they're basically royalty to vampires, which Edward says as much. Um, there's five core members. Um, at this moment, it's Arrow, Kais, Marcus, SPIA, which is Arrow's wife. Oh, yeah. Does she ever come back around?

I don't know. And then there's Athena, which is Kais's wife. Um, cool of her to not make the lives important. Yeah. Cool. I don't know if she come they come later or what. I don't remember ever seeing their wives.

I don't remember Arrow ever having a wife. No, I don't either. Yeah, maybe. I haven't seen I haven't watched.

I can't remember. One I haven't read like the I haven't seen I haven't watched I haven't

I haven't been there. I haven't I haven'tumed at all. It's been a while. Yeah, we'll get there cuz we are going to do all of them. We promise you this.

I watched Eclipse recently but I stopped before Breaking Down. I haven't watched Eclipse in forever. When I went like back in October, I did Bing Bang Ward and then I fell right off. See, I only hit one and I started

New Moon. I can never just watch one. You can't just watch one. Um, but they have their own city in Italy called Belterra.

That's pretty hot. Uh, and they've secretly controlled it for 3,000 years. So, that's pretty sweet. They pulled a fast one over on the Romanians at some point, the Romanian coven. Um because they were super powerful vampires at the time and they tried to get them like they were just beefing for territory

as people do, you know, we beef for territory. And they tried to get them to conform to the Vuri law and of course the Romanians were like, "No, bitch." And so they used that as a reason to kind of like beef harder with them and take over their territory, which they ended up doing. So it's really topical. It is. Uh, Arrow also likes to create vampires very specifically. He likes to create them when they have special abilities. He like an army of very specialized vampires which

why? I think that's just smart. It's called curating. Yeah, it's up. Hey, have a Pinterest board.

Let's go. The world is Arrow's Pinterest board. Okay. So, he's just looking around.

His pen is bite is Oh, that's No, that's Rewatcher. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot. They don't they don't snarf out their fangs cuz they don't have fangs.

Oh [ __ ] I forgot that they don't have which to be honest doesn't make sense. It's kind of [ __ ]

They don't have bang fangs. They don't have tattoos. They're only white. Boo. Yeah. Like true. And in this one when you see Laurent they cast like this weird pale uh filter a little bit over him. I don't know if you noticed it too.

Like they white when they first show him he's like paler than he looks. And I was like don't do that. His skin is gold. Yeah,

cuz in the first um movie I mean there's no filter. I mean in both movies I think Laurent is

he's fine. Stunning. Yeah. And so but in the first movie I don't know. It didn't look like it had that pale sheen filter over him. I'm not I'm not really sure if it was just like lighting or whatever.

But yeah, so they take over the Romanian territory and Arrow loves to create special vampires. Uh he just wants to make sure the Vuri is like extra badass. So he's like I want all these specialized things. Um, the biggest law is to keep vampires a secret. Of course, don't want people knowing. They use humans as like servants essentially. And sometimes they'll turn them, sometimes they'll eat them, as we hear at the end of the the movie when Jane, like one of them is like, "Oh, does she want to be turned?" That's what Bella says. And she's like, "So she'll be turned." And then Jane says, "Or dessert." And I was like, "That's awesome."

I love Jane. Jane is scary. We get more of her, I think, in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I love that. Fanning ate that [ __ ] up.

She eats up every [ __ ] roll. She really ate I love her. There's also there's another law that's like really important to the Vuri that doesn't get touched upon here yet, but we'll get to it. Um is the making of immortal children.

Oh yeah, they don't want that. That's why Reneesme becomes such a problem. Big issue.

Yeah, which we'll get there. Um so the present day Volter um they have like nine permanent members of the guard apparently. Like there's five of like the the big wigs and then there's nine members of the guard.

Okay. And then there's like a bunch of other members outside of that. Uh but there's Jane and Alex who or Alec, excuse me. They're twins. Um where they were turned

because they had special abilities as humans. Okay. And Arrow heard about this. This is according to the illustrated gun. Arrow heard about these special abilities when they were like toddlers,

like when they were young. So good. He didn't. So he started like following them around and he

kind of just rolling through these streets behind toddlers. Just like waiting for them to to like something to happen.

Catch arrow at your local toys. He also he can't make an he can't make immortal children. That's part of the law. So he couldn't turn them. He

does. No. So this is interesting. And I don't know if it gets touched upon in the movies. I can't remember. So Jane and Alec, they're twins. They're I think they're like around 800 AD is when they existed. And when they were like tw as they grew up, they had these abilities, psychic abilities. Jane has the ability to cause inflict insane mass destruction mind.

And Alec, his thing is he can cut off anyone's senses, hearing, seeing, smelling,

feeling, anything like that. He can cut them off like totally. I thought you could say he can cut anyone off and I said that's also my special ability that's also become mine. But yeah, he can do that. So their those abilities were not like fully formed, but they were kind of and like a lot of people in their village thought they were weird. They started freaking people out in their village. They're twins with these weird darks and like they're both kind of like like Jane's super like monotone and like scary. Yeah.

Yeah. So like people in the village started thinking they were witches. Iconic. This is 800 AD. They burned them at the stake when they were 12 or 13 years old.

Oh, they literally burned them. They got burned at the stake at 12 or 13 years old. Arrow found out about this and as they were on the brink of death, he said, "Well, I can save them."

All right. So, he saved them, turned them into vampires. That's honorable. And now he gets to use their special abilities. And those special abilities, everybody got amplified when they became vampires vampire because Alec, while he was being burned, apparently was using his own powers on himself to not feel being burned.

Okay. And so now he uses those powers to like incapacitate people that they're in battle with so that it's like an easier kill.

Ah, and then Jane's just pissed. Good for her. She got pissed. So she's just like, I was burned at the steak. I'm going to [ __ ] people up.

Yeah, let's go. So, I thought that was pretty cool. That is pretty cool. Uh, in the Vuri, cloaks determine rank. Like the

the uh whatever your cloak color is. It's like Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw,

but it's like a but it's like a rank. So, like the darker cloaks are higher rank.

Okay. And in the illustrated guide, there's a quote from Stephanie Meyer that says,

which I found like interesting. She said, "There aren't many bad guys in my novels." Disagree. I hard disagree. Even the bad guys usually have a pretty good reason for the way they are and some of them come around in the end. I don't see the world as full of negatives.

James question mark James question mark arrow question mark question mark which we'll get to.

Jane question mark I mean yeah like there's some bad guys I feel like. Yeah. Well,

you know, well, like like what reason should we prescribing as as valid for hunting someone,

you know, to each their own. I guess like that's whatever you think is a valid reason for doing

morals. Yeah. Are different for everybody. We do watch at the end an entire tour group of men, women, and very young children enter the Vuri lair and get slaughtered. Yeah.

Um, so I don't I don't know what reason we would prescribe that that would feel right but

they were dumb. But again, there are you know what they were too inquisitive of history. That's

too in search of knowledge. Yeah. Great. Um, so that was interesting to me. I guess we can get Should we get to Arrow like talking about them now or should I wait until we meet them? Probably wait until we meet them.

No, why don't you get into it now cuz you're already in the volcan Yeah. So let's talk about Arrow. Yeah,

because we've already talked about him. Um, he's got black hair. He's got red black eyes.

His skin is described as like translucent like a lot of them are also described that way.

She lo she loves to describe the their skin as being like that of the skin of an onion

which gives me that the mostickic. Ew. So it's like filmy. That's the thing. It makes me think like kind of slimy

in a way and like membraney. That's a thing. Like it gives I was like, "Oh, a lot of them are described like that."

Also, like I love peeling onions. Yeah, that's what they're saying. I'd want to It's like a sunburn.

He's also described as 5 foot 10. Okay. Which I was like, he has big dick. He has big guy energy.

Yeah, he really does. He's pretty tall. He has much taller energy. You're 5'1. So that's really tall to you.

That's tall to me. Yeah, it would be. I don't know if I'm 5'5 or 5'6. I've really never been able to determine. Yeah, with brown eyes.

Pretty tall. 5'5 with brown eyes. That's me. Um, possibly. Yeah, he I he has the energy of somebody who's 6' three, I would say.

I would say. Yeah. At least at least a sixfooter. Definitely. Uh, but his special ability, because of course he has one.

He can touch somebody and he can, like we mentioned earlier, can hear every thought they've ever thought in their entire life.

So disturbing. Which feels like a wild ability to I'm like I'm like even the intrusive ones.

Yeah. Yeah, even when I've like wanted like not wanted to but been like, "You're off the road right now."

Oh, yeah. Cut your finger off. All my question is how are they cataloged? Do they just come flying at him?

Does he like have a tab in his head where he can like click and expand? Like how does are they just coming at him or can he like flip through and be like, I'd like to look at the ones when they were 18

in this like I'd like to look at the ones from this afternoon. like how do you maybe they all just like they all flood through but they all hit.

It's pretty wild. He uses it later and he's pretty effective at it. But um the illustrated guide says at one point that he was transformed when he was like 40.

Okay. And in the same paragraph it says that he was in his mid20s. Different. So

different. I guess split the difference and say he was 30 maybe. Okay. I suppose.

All right. Um, he was the last of his coven to form a romantic attra attachment, which I I'm like that makes sense for Arrow, I feel.

Yeah. Like took him a minute. Yeah. You know, he's not one to settle. I mean, if you can hear everybody's ever every single thought they've ever had, it would take me a minute to settle down as well.

That's true. You know. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. He also uh he did kill his own sister.

Oh. Um. Oh yeah. Oh. Oh. So I think one of the reasons So his own sister I I don't know how to say her name. I'm probably spelled kind of wild. It's d i d y.

M e. Did uh diddy me. Uh because he killed her cuz uh uh he killed her. He turned her and then she became mates with Marcus

who looks like he has gastronomy. He's the one who looks like he's constantly looking for a bathroom always. He's looking for Emodium at all times.

Um and we know why now. We we'll get into it, but he's on the count like the alter with him. Uh I think they planned to leave together and so he killed her. I think he also he didn't love she had a special I don't think she had like crazy special abilities so he was like you're just not really

um I don't really need your [ __ ] you know and uh about him forming a romantic attachment last the way that Stephanie Meyer said it was Arrow decided in advance that he would rather choose a human and create a mate than look for his match in another vampire who might have ties to her own creator or other relationships that would complicate his plans.

I get that. And I said, "Honestly, same, King. I'd be the same way." Yeah. Like, if I was a vampire for that many years,

Yeah. I'd be like, "Yeah, I think I'm just going to like choose my own adventure

100%." Like, I'm not cuz that person might have ties to their creator and I don't want to I don't want to deal with that.

Yeah. Sirehood is big. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm for that. So, I get it. And again, he's the one who discovered Jane and Alex, so he's the one who did that whole thing.

Okay. Okay. Now, speaking of Marcus, who is his Arrow's sister's mate? Yes, Marcus has black hair. He has red and black eyes. He was the mate of Arrow's sister, Ditim, and he never got over her death.

Oh, but he also doesn't know who killed her. Oh, yeah. [ __ ] He doesn't know that it's Arrow,

that it's his literal like right-hand guy. and he's been going through like he wants to discover who killed her

and so he just a sad boy. That's that's why he feels looks that way. He's very bummed.

Of course he very bummed. So when he is sitting there and we'll talk about it at the end when we see him and he just looks [ __ ] miserable. He is

he is like he is. Wait, so what's his special power? So his special power is he can see the relationships and connections that people have with each other. which I said so can people with eyes.

So uh okay special I I guess uh apparently in like a big situation with like a big group of people he can pick out the leader or he can sense like a bond between certain people.

So he's just a people person. He can also see when bonds are weak and that's just being around people.

He's an empath. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like a uber empath. He's got a good gut. So he's aside from the gas.

Aside from the the Emodium. Yes. Uh so that's Marcus. So he's just really sad. See, I feel like Arrow probably would have killed him, but Arrow probably finds like joy and knowing that he killed his sister who was Marcus's wife, and now he can just watch and be miserable.

Yeah. You know, my guy Arrow. That's what he's all about. Otherwise, that's not a super useful skill.

No. But maybe it's kind of useful cuz it's like you can tell when things I think he can tell fast. So, I think he can look over at somebody and be like, "Oh, that bond's not that strong." Or like if people are pretending to have a strong bond, he could be like, "No, like that [ __ ] isn't real."

Or like he can tell like fakery. Or he can tell these two actually care about each other a lot. They're not saying it, but like you could exploit that.

All right. You know, so I guess that could be part of it. Uh Kais, who is played by Jamie Campbell Bower aka

Vecna. Everybody, look at that. Uh he is one of these guys. He's he has white hair. He has the red black eyes.

He his special power is just being a hater. Love. Love. In fact, Arrow literally says that he was impressed by his quote passionate capacity to hate. I get it.

That man's a Gemini. Yeah, he [ __ ] he's Beckna essentially. Like he is Beckna.

I don't know anything about Beckna, but he's so good at holding a grudge. Like just professional professional.

He owns a grudgery. He owns a grudgery. Um he hates werewolves. Hates them. He wants them eradicated.

Doesn't see a need for them at all. But the ones that he hunted were different from the Quillute tribe.

Okay. He hunted um werewolves that were actually called the children of the moon. obsessed.

And I guess they are real bonafide werewolves where the Quillute tribe are shape shifters.

Okay. And can choose when to transition into a werewolf. But the children of the moon,

full moon hits werewolf. Like they don't get a choice. All right. Like they're the they're the werewolves that you think of

in you know what I mean? Like the classic werewolves that don't have a choice. Every full moon they're just going to turn into a werewolf. Buffy.

Yeah. Got it. So, he was hunting those ones. Let's I guess we'll stay tuned and see how he feels about the quill you tribe.

Yeah, probably not good. I'm going to say this guy holds a grudge. I don't think he's going to like them.

I'm obsessed with that special power. Yeah. Um we already talked about Alec and Jane. Uh there is a point in the book where Jane walks in and Arrow's so happy to see her and he walks up to her and it's like, "Oh my god, girl." And he just kisses her right on the mouth. I want to be clear with you that Jane canonically is 12 and Arrow canonically is either 40 or in mid20s.

Either way, not good. Shouldn't be kissing a 12-year-old on the lips. No. No. Uh, and she says like she says like, "Hello, master when that happens." So, there's a lot there to to to unpack.

There's a lot there to shove into a corner. So much to shove into a corner. So, we're going to shove that into a corner right now because we're not

we're not quite there. So, that's the vuri of it all. That's we're going to get to that.

Um, that's a whole thing. And we'll get to the quillutes a little more when we get to that part, I think.

Okay. So, this whole plan where he was going to kill himself and he's just casually dropping that in English 101.

Yeah. And she's just like, "Whoa, that's crazy. Don't do that." And he's like, "All right, I guess not."

Cool. And they're just like obsessed with each other and they can't live without each other.

Obsessed with you. very very much like a lot a lot of pressure on each other. Sort of like a trauma bomb.

They both are putting a lot of pressure on each other. Yeah. You guys have only been together for like a few months.

So then we get to the Colin house. The party is happening. At one point she goes down there. It's real pretty. They did a great job. Lots of flowers.

The cake is the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my [ __ ] life. Yeah. It's green and white and I hate it.

But I think Bella would love it. Yeah, cuz she has horrible face. I think they I think they nailed that for her. Yeah. Well, Alice's style is also questionable.

But Alice just gets Bella at the time. She's like, "She will love this. It's so gross."

Um Alice also runs up to her when she walks downstairs, takes a picture of her with a digital camera and says, "Um, I got this out of your bag. I hope you don't mind." And I said, I would be like,

I I so much do. I mind. Like I' I'd literally be like, we should walk over here and talk about boundaries.

Are you a club? Cuz none of you have any. And that's weird. You can't just go in my bag and get my birthday present out and use it. Like that's just

you can't just ask me. You know I have a camera obviously. So it's like just say can I use the camera real quick?

She knew that she would say no. Bel doesn't like being in pictures. Rosalie is the appropriate level of [ __ ] that I want from a hot vampire.

Yes. Like I was thinking that as this scene happened cuz she's like undoubtedly a wildly hot vampire. And when you see her in this scene, you're like, "Oh, I would [ __ ] hate it if you were nice."

I would hate it if she was kind and welcoming. I'd be like, she is the appropriate level of [ __ ] She's uninterested. She's annoyed that she has to be there.

When she says she tells her what the birthday gift is. Oh my god. Alice just hands her a box and is like, "You first, Rosalie." And Rosal's like, "It's a necklace. Alice picked it out. I didn't get this for you." I said, she said, "I didn't get this for you, and I won't give you the joy of surprise. It's a necklace."

No, don't even [ __ ] open it. Who gives a [ __ ] Like, I just loved it. I said, "Oh, I love her."

Um, then we have the whole Bella cuts herself just loses it. Okay, I would like to come in here.

Yeah, she gets a paper cut. Mhm. Jasper was there in the first movie when we are to believe that Bella has like opened up her femoral artery and it is leaking everywhere and like hemorrhaging all over the place.

Sure was. And Jasper's in the background helping them fight off James. Unbothered. How can he not handle a paper cut when her femoral artery was hemorrhaging?

Yeah. Hello. They mention at all like that like after she passed out, Jasper had to be like taken out of the room.

Yeah, I do think they say that. But like but like you didn't but like he stays in the room.

He was able to be distracted. Yeah. With something. Yeah, that's the that's the main problem is like he was distracted with the the James of it all. And I actually don't even know if they say it in the movie. I think you're right. I think they mentioned it in the movie.

Yeah, cuz I feel like I all of a sudden that just popped in my head. making that up.

They definitely mentioned it in the book almost positive. I think they do that to explain it

as the smallest way of explaining this cuz I think otherwise it doesn't make sense.

But even still, it really doesn't hold up. No, his reaction to that little of blood

and like the immediate reaction and that they can't stop him, right? Like he yeets everybody around and Edward straight up launches like like a like a t-shirt gun. Launches

like not a t-shirt gun. Like launches Bella into a table into a glass table. Yeah.

Shatters the [ __ ] out of her arm. The paper cut was one thing, but then she just opened up her arm, so she's bleeding everywhere. Now the whole place is just sitting there like snarling at her. Also, is she taking like three baby aspirin a day? I hope so, cuz that [ __ ] is bleeding.

Bleeder. Yeah. But like whenever like that paper cut, it was like I was like, you're on a blood thinner.

Yeah. I was like, damn. Like what's going on, baby girl? Calm down. Hello. Calm down, babe.

But yeah, it's pretty crazy. Um, and after Jasper tries to kill her and you know, like Carile fixes her up and everything and they have a discussion about Edward's soul, Edward is such a dick and kind of just disappears after this. Like can't handle the fact that she's a human, that that's what could have happened, blah blah blah. In the book, he comes over at one point to watch ESPN with Charlie

and have like bonding time with him. Okay. and like basically ignores Bella the whole time and like isn't very like she's trying to like still ignore her.

What? It's very weird. I'd be like, "Why did you come to my house to ignore me, you douche?"

Yeah. And during this whole thing, she's doing her scrapbooking thing cuz remember my mom wants me to take pictures and do a scrapbook. I don't care about any of you. And she has a picture from the birthday party of her and Edward and she folds herself out of the picture and then tapes just him in there. And I was like, this is so damaging to young girls to watch.

You don't matter. You don't matter. You're disgusting. He's perfect. So, just crop yourself out.

You shouldn't actually even exist in physical photo form. Like, what the [ __ ]

Yeah. Bella should be seeing a psychiatrist. Yeah. Like and then when the Cullens stop going to school because remember when Edward is is sad they all have to

everyone shuts down their life and which honestly I'd be like yeah get sad all the time cuz why the [ __ ] am I going to school 6,000 gajillion years old

is that why am I going to high school for the 85th time in a I think we have enough graduation caps as a joke.

Even though that that art piece is pretty rad, but they when they stop coming to school, like they show Bella just sitting there like staring at their table at the lunch table

and her friends around her are all like goofing around making each other laugh, throwing [ __ ] at each other.

You're just watching this and you're like as a young girl watching this, it's you it's like this is what you should be doing. You should be goofing around with your friends, having fun, talking about silly [ __ ] and you are so deeply entrenched

in this one person. It's like exactly what it's exactly what I don't want for my daughters is somebody to be this for them to be this entrenched in a person this young

and miss out on everything they should be doing. We will show them the outtakes as a cautionary tale. I will show them this as a caution and be like you can't be like this

like don't end it with the screams in the night. Yeah. Not the proposal. That's how you will end.

Yeah. Now this is when she goes home and Edward is just creeping. First he steals the picture. He's in her room and he steals the picture.

So [ __ ] up. Yeah. And then he's just cre he doesn't even leave a picture of himself for

and then he's creeping in her [ __ ] driveway and he says you want to take a walk with me real quick and the way he says it my true crime brain said nope

no you're not going in the woods with that man also the way he said you want to just take a quick walk with me for a minute in the woods with how you've been acting and how you just said that no sir

why does he take her into the woods to do what he's allowed to still asking that question to this day.

Take her to her house. Make sure Charlie's home. Do it. Sit on the front steps and do it so she can go inside.

Why do you have to be in the woods? If you didn't want to be in the house cuz you know you're going to be a [ __ ] and you won't sit on the front steps.

Sit in her car. Tell her. And then wait for her to go inside so you know she's got somebody

like sit in the back of her truck. This [ __ ] left her in the middle of Forks Washington Woods. The fact that he makes her do a hike before breaking up with her. Volatile

and the way he they hike far in vast wood. And the most cutting thing he says to her is I'm just sorry I let this go for so long.

Oh, for some reason that one just cuz he's pretending that he doesn't give a [ __ ] that he doesn't actually like her.

Yep. It's a little too easy for him to pretend it is. He and it when he said I'm just sorry that I let this go on for so for some reason that would have gutted me but you said it's worse in the book cuz it sounds that's makes you sound pathetic like it's l like I'm sorry that I just like let you think I liked you for that long like it's like and then she also in the movie she's like I'll go with you and he goes I don't want you

I'm like damn ouch it's so diabolical in the book it's even in the you read it to me earlier and I I almost cried.

It's a rough one. It hit me. So, in the book, he says, "Don't worry, you're human. Your memor is no more than a civ. Time heals all wounds for your kind." And she says, "And your memories?" And he says, "Well, I won't forget, but my kind were very easily distracted." And then he smiles. He says,

I said, "You, [ __ ] you. I'm I'm sorry. What? I'll think of you from time to time and then I'll distract myself,

but I'll just be distracted easily." Easily. like and and during all this in the book because I noticed in the movie when he says like um promise me something she doesn't say like yes I will. She's just like in shock

in the book when he says promise me something she says anything. Oh no. So as a man anything in the woods

well and when he's telling you I don't give a [ __ ] about you like I actually don't like you. I don't want to be with you but promise me something. If you respond anything what? Yeah, girly.

Like, what the [ __ ] Girly mama. It's rough in the book. It's rough. Yeah, that's

And it's And it's rough in the movie, but it's rough in the book. So, that whole thing, she gets left in the middle of the [ __ ] woods after she tries to run after him. She's like, "Edward." And then she runs after him.

She actually says it exact. Edward, wait. And then she just falls down and just lays on which is like,

"Can I just say something?" Heartbreaking. Oh, it is. She just lays on the ground and cries. It's so sad. It's so pathetic. It is. But you're just like you have no basis of any relationship and you have very like her mom

is a wreck. Is and absent. Yeah. Like she's obviously it's not like someone especially in the book Charlie absent like just not she has no she does no concept of like what real love is.

And this is just like earthshattering to her that like the thing she thought was love isn't that. Yeah,

it's so sad. It is pathetic, but it's like you look at it and you're just like damn.

It's it's horrible cuz you also you forget cuz to me she comes off so young in this.

Yeah. Like it's like 15 16 and then you're like just turned 18. Like damn, get up.

That's go about your life. Get up. You got to shift at Newton's. And Sam finds her in the woods and his wolf form. Sam is one of the Quillute tribes. You skipped over the fact though that they literally had to send a [ __ ] search.

They think she's dead. Like Edward left her so far in the woods and she passes out.

The both of them are so just [ __ ] reckless that they have to get a search party involved.

Like Charlie literally has to become like chief of homicide in that moment and like find her.

Yep. And it's like the Quillute tribe are obviously helping because they're friends with Charlie and they're

and they can like sniff out the woods. And so there uh Sam who ends up being the alpha of the tribe. We will learn. He finds her and picks her up and brings her back.

Just emerges out of the woods with her shirtless and jorts out of the woods. Can you imagine being Charlie in that moment? Not Jorts carrying my daughter out of the woods.

Not abort. He was probably like, "My life was so simple. Go back. Go back to Arizona."

Simple before you came. He says, "Give me a call." Now I'm like sitting here having to watch a man in jorts with no shirt on carry you out of the woods. A

couple months ago, you fell down a flight of stairs, fell through a [ __ ] late glass window, came back with a [ __ ] bite mark on your arm.

On your arm that moves, by the way, that shifts. It's crazy. Local legend. is that your boyfriend's a [ __ ] vampire.

This is when we get our it's a possibility. And we just circle around her months. And in the book, she does the thing where she has blank pages with just the month on it, which I think is a really clever. It's a good way of doing it.

I remember watching this and just like as a child sobbing ugly Titanic ugly tears. I said he loved you.

And there's random trick-or-treaters in your yard. People are trespassing on your property, Bella. Call the police. Oh, wait. Your dad's a police chief. It's so [ __ ] She's in the same pair of sweatpants.

Same. And she's just staring deadeyed outside. It's awesome. And it just The camera just like spins around her.

I'm sorry, but are we to believe that she just sits there for months? Mh. Like, does she get up? You see little bits of her getting up, but like sitting and just staring off into the distance. Charlie trying to

I'm like, does she miss four months? Like, what the [ __ ] And like then we get the screaming nightmares where she wakes up in the middle of the night just screaming bloody murder.

The screaming nightmares are where as a parent, I would draw the [ __ ] line. That's when you've

you got to get professionals involved. Yeah, you got to get some help. I mean, this is cuz there's a part there's a part where where Charlie poor

Charlie poor Charlie is just trying to he's trying to do the dad thing or the parent thing really and at night one of the greatest things you'll ever have as a parent is when you just fall asleep on that couch downstairs cuz it's been a long day and then you wake up at some unknown time and you're like I got to get upstairs but he's fallen asleep in front of the TV and she just starts screaming in her sleep and you he like jumps up and is like and like goes to walk upstairs and I was like, "She's 18."

Yeah. He probably was like, "What? I thought this ended in elementary school." Like when like nightmares.

It doesn't. Nope. Not with Bella. No, not with She's going to bring you right back. She said, "You thought you thought you could sit in front of the TV."

It's crazy. And then she's just sitting at alone at the Cullen's lunch table, which I think is

diabolical. so far beyond the realm of like I would literally this is when I said Bella needs a [ __ ] Capricorn friend at that table sit there for maybe a day and watch that [ __ ] sit at that empty table

the next day I would get up I would walk over there and I'd say listen get your

listen sniffles either not sniffles get over it and come sit at their [ __ ] table don't this is stupid or get the [ __ ] out of my ey line while you're doing it because this is dumb because also

I'm not watching you sit there and mope at their table. That's insane. I can't imagine watching my friend do this after dating this guy for a few months.

That's the other thing. Like that's the biggest thing. This isn't years. It's crazy.

And this it's the table. The table just gets me cuz I'm also like that's attention seeking.

Next thing you know, she walks in wearing a peacacoat. That's a tent. Literally,

she she buys a Volvo. She just play starts starts triple parking. She walks in with a bag of eggs and plays a carrot like the kazoo at the table like that's where she she alternates between a paint small and a peac coat. She starts like, you know, bringing someone in that's supposed to be her brother but isn't.

Oh man. Um, but yeah, it's attention seeking at this point cuz it's in public and you're literally doing that for the whole cafeteria to wonder what's wrong with you. But then somebody will walk out up to you, no doubt, and say, "Hey, you okay?" And you'll say, "Please don't ask me about this. It's private." Even though you're sitting in public. She's that girl who goes on Facebook

and says, "I'm going really bad time right now. Please don't pry. Please, please don't pry. Allow my privacy during this tragedy.

Allow my privacy. It's ridiculous. So, at one point, Charlie says, "It's just not normal this behavior. Quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me." And I said "Preachie preach, it's scaring us as viewers."

I said, "Yes." I said, "I'm scared about this fictional character being." So, she's like, "Don't worry, Dad." Cuz he's like, "I think you should just get the [ __ ] out of here and go back with your

That's the thing." He's like, "I called your mom. You got to get the [ __ ] out." and he's like, "I just want to fall asleep in front of the TV again.

I miss ESPN. I just miss it." And she's like, "No, it's cool. I'm fine. This is my home now. I love Forks. I'm not leaving." And he's like, "Awesome."

Can we also point out that like in the middle of like his daughter like screaming in the middle of the night and just being a general walking coma person. He's also dealing with all these weird attacks. Yeah.

And like whatever else is on his police docket. Yeah. Like people are getting eaten. Hikers are getting eaten

too much. So he's like weird prince in the woods. Yeah. And so she's like, "Don't worry about it." She's like, "I'm going I'm going to go shopping with Jessica. I'm going to have a girl tonight." And he's like, "Okay." Like, "Bye."

He literally is like, "Buy lots of shit." Yeah. Bye. And so she calls Jessica and I love it cuz she's like, "Hey, Jessica, it's Bella."

Yeah. Bella Swan. And when I was first watching, I was like, "What?" And then I'm like, "Oh, I hope Jessica was being a complete and was like, "Bella? Bella who? I don't know Bella." And Bella's like being such a dick that she's like Bella Bella Swan, you don't remember me. Like she's that in her own like

it's me, Bella here. Come on. But this is a classic. Bella is not like the other girls. Like she always combat shopping. She doesn't like that. She's like, "Oh, okay. We get it."

Jessica, however, is hilarious. I love her. Um and I think she's a girls girl personally. Last, remember last movie when Mike asked her to the dance? She asked Bella if it was okay. When she's known Mike since she was in preschool and Bella just showed up four minutes ago and she's asking Bella for permission even though Bella has no interest in him, but she's like, "Is it weird? I don't know."

Yeah. You know what? That's girl behavior. Girls girl. And to even honestly like

to even go out with Bella when she's been displaying such a dick. Like we only get to see her in the cafeteria. Imagine that [ __ ] in class.

Exactly. She's like when she has to look at slides, it must be next level. I'm saying she goes through a whole thing about cuz they saw a zombie movie and she's like and Jessica's take on it. She's like leprosy is not a joke.

Yeah. She's like, I have a cousin who has leprosy. It's not funny. It's not funny. And then she's like, is it supposed to be consumerism because like whatever. Like and she goes through this whole thing like are you so

Some girls love shopping. Like you're so pleased with your own self-reerential [ __ ] And I was like Jessica's got it. Jessica's on it. She got She would be fun to hang out with. Let's talk about zombie movies. Let's go.

Um, but as she's talking about this, she's like, and you know, like your depression thing, like I get it, but like you got to get she goes, I have stuff going on, too. And she starts saying, Mike said he just wants to be friends,

which is hard. This she's also going through a breakup. This is the point of the conversation when you hear her start to say, "Mike said he just wants to be friends." That Bella checks up. literally checks out. You only hear Jessica say that fading out,

but you can see that she's still talking. Oh, yeah. She's saying it. She's like, and she's still talking about it as Bella is looking at these bikers over there.

As soon as this conversation went away from something Bella about Bella or what she's interested in, she went whoop. She didn't give a [ __ ] about Jessica's problem. She didn't want to hear Jessica being like, "Hey, Mike said he just wants to be friends and I'm bummed about it and like, can I talk?" Nope. Only Bella can be going through a breakup right now.

Bella's going through Bella's problem is bigger. Bella has narcissistic tendencies up the walls.

I told you she's baby girl. She's baby girl. So baby girl here. And I that was so egregious. I was like, are you kidding me? Couldn't care less about anyone else's problems. It happens again too.

But the way I would assume in this moment that Bella has just [ __ ] lost it cuz she has. The way she walks towards these bikers and Jessica's literally like, "Are you good? Like what's going on?

She just abandons Jessica in a seedy part of town. In a seedy part of town, leaves her by herself, gets on this, she walks up to this biker who like

wait, she actually first she starts walking up and then she stops and she's like, "Oh, I thought I knew turns around, walks back, stops, walks around again."

I'm like, "What are you doing?" I feel like those bikers would be like, "No, thank you." Like I'd be I'd be like, "Something's going on here.

You're more cuckoo than us. Yeah, you're having a moment." Uhuh. But she walks up to this one and he's like, "Hey girl." I'm surprised he wasn't like, "Are you the fence?"

He literally bites the way he bites it. He literally is like, "What's up?" Like he just

It's not for me. It's not for me. I was screaming. I was like I was like, "Good for you for giving it a shot.

It's not for me." The lip bite kills me. He's literally like, "Ew, stop. Stop. Stop. She keeps doing the bike."

No, I don't. And I was like, and they're not wearing helmets. This is also not in the book.

No. So in the book she doesn't go with she sees them but she doesn't go with them because Edward tells her to stop. She leaves with Jessica like right away like doesn't go on the bike ride. So that was boring.

Um so she goes on that bike ride. She's like well what a rush. And Jessica when she sees you're going to be more of a [ __ ] pain in the ass. And that's when she saw Edward cuz Edward was like hey stop turn around. And she's like no.

Yeah. Now, she now is excited about this cuz she's like, "Ooh, I can see Edward when I do dumb [ __ ]

I can put myself in life-threatening situations and then I will hallucinate my boyfriend who left me in the middle of the woods."

Also, again, with his entire family, such a wild thing for young kid, like young girls especially, to be reading or witnessing.

Yeah. It's her doing the dumbest [ __ ] because again, it's not quite clear whether she's really seeing or hearing Edward or not.

They should have spiced this up a little more and made it YA because this being YA is dangerous as [ __ ] It is.

I'm going to be reading like when I have children, I will be reading every book that they read.

Yeah. Just to make sure cuz the themes are just like Yeah. The themes are not good. Like

it explains so much about who I used to be. Oh yeah. I mean, it's definitely the And again, we're looking at it from like an adult perspective. Kids, young people would eat this up like we did.

Like we did. So, she finds these two like scrap bikes and she brings them to Jacob to fix for free so she can see her boyfriend again.

Mhm. Like re really take that one in. She also Jacob who is like very clearly infatuated with her from the moment he lays eyes on her again.

She brings him junk and says, "Can you fix these bikes for me for free?" And she's doing this so that she can see her boyfriend who abandoned her in the woods again.

Yeah. Yep. She also, I don't know if this is in the straight up movie or if it's the extended cut, but like some guy stops by with those bikes beforehand like before throwing them out. And Charlie's like, "What are you doing?"

Oh, yeah. And Charlie's like, she knows how Charlie feels about this, too. Like he doesn't want people on motorcycles.

And she's like And she's like, "I'm going to get on a motorcycle and I'm going to I'm going to make Jake fix it for me. I'm going to make Charlie worry about me. I don't give a [ __ ] about Jessica and I'm abandoning all my other friends except for Jake.

It's all And the only reason I'm friends with Jake is because he can offer me this service.

Exactly. And like make me feel good every now and then. And me being in his presence makes him feel like there's a chance. So if I can do that, I can get what I want out of it. And I get a little I'm like, damn.

Yeah. You [ __ ] [ __ ] This is the moment though where we say Bella, where the hell have you been loc which is a [ __ ] wild masterpiece is what you meant.

A wild line. It's not in the book. This was specifically for the movie. I need to know who wrote that in. And I need to high five.

Might have been Katherine Hardwick. I don't know. Or no, wasn't it a Wasn't it a different

Oh, no. This Yeah, this was another one. So you're Well, I would like to high five this man.

Yeah. Whoever did this, they start talking about like age again. It comes up again. age is like a like heavy ass theme.

And he says something like when he says, "What are you like 40 now?" Which I was like, "Okay." That didn't even bother me. I was like, "Whatever." But then she goes, "I feel like it." And I was like, "What does it feel like, Bella?" Cuz I feel [ __ ] great. I feel better than you've ever felt. You watching this movie, I'm like, "You're 18 years old. You're in far dire streets than I am, bitch." Okay. I feel foot loose and fancy free compared to you.

You said I'm doing my Metacube masks. And what do you know about it? I feel better than you, Bella. I listen to soft jazz in the morning. What do you do

on an old timey radio? You [ __ ] [ __ ] What do you do? What do you need? What do you mean you feel 40? Doesn't sound like it. You sound like a whiny little 18-year-old is what you sound like.

Right in the kisser. And then she's sitting there with him while he's fixing the bike and she turns off the radio and she's like, I don't really like music anymore.

Pick me. Pick me. Shut the [ __ ] up. Pick me. Pick me. Pick me. Shut the [ __ ] up. That's like that kind of [ __ ] I'm like, "Stop it."

Yeah. It's also a good song. I think that's like when it's like you don't like music anymore. Too bad. You're in his garage and he's fixing your [ __ ] for you. So, if he wants to listen to music,

sorry, baby. Yeah. Like, it's not your place. That's your bike on your own. You don't have to listen. You can live in a blobby world with no music at your on your own terms.

A grip. You were sitting in that chair listening to Licky Lee for months. Exactly. For months.

Months. Bella. And then later, I love it because she comes home and Charlie's like, "Hey, like he's not coming back, Edward." So, he's literally like, "I don't know, maybe settle for Jacob." Like, that's essentially what he says.

And he was Does he say he says, "You got to love what's good for you sometimes."

So, he's literally like, I don't know, try to like him. I'm like, whoa, we are setting up really, really bad [ __ ] here. When they're driving at one point, Jake and Bella, they see Sam and like a few of the other tribe members

and they were like Jake's friends, but now they're not hanging out. But now they're all of a sudden super buff, shirtless hanging out with Sam.

Only and he calls Sam like a cult leader. Y and he's like, "Yeah." And you can tell like it annoys Jake. He's like, "I don't know." Cuz he doesn't know what it's about yet.

Um but Sam is actually the al alpha. So that's what's happening here. And bloomer. He is a late bloomer. And why don't I talk about like kind of the lore with this now? So they are shape shifters. They can phase by choice.

Um but they in order to be a Quillu tribe member in this movie that phases like transforms. You have to be able to trace a direct bloodline to the original shape shifter. Okay. Not all of them can shape shift.

Makes sense. A lot of them are men. There's only one woman who has shapeshifted. That's Leah Clearwater. We'll get to her. You'll get a lot more of her in the third book, I believe.

Third movie. Yeah. If not, the next one. Yeah. Um I actually don't know if she's an Eclipse or if she doesn't come until break.

I thought she was. I don't remember. I can't remember. Yeah. Um but apparently, and I thought this was interesting, there's a there's a window of time where the transformation can happen. Okay. If you're going to transform

and like it's this small window of time when like puberty essentially happens. Um, and you will only transform if you are in proximity to a vampire.

Yeah. Like your first transformation will not happen at all if you never come in contact with a vampire.

That is actually very interesting to you. Like I think that's cool. It is. It's interesting. So if you don't sniff around a vampire at any point in that transformation window, you will never phase. You won't know that you had that. So I wonder if that's like part of the reason why Jacob hates Edward. because he knows it's like partially his fault.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Because the reason that like all of a sudden there was this huge like outburst of people transferring is because the Cullins came which became a proximity thing and now all these kids are suddenly popping up and phasing because they're in proximity and now all their window of transformation has happened all at once. So it's like they're all popping up.

It's kind of funny. So which is interesting. So werewolves are like super fast, like crazy fast. Can outrun a car, all that [ __ ]

Not a vampire. Not a vampire, though. Cuz they're fast. Cuz they're fast. Fast.

What up there? Uh, their eyesight is 10 times sharper than a human's eyesight. To them, vampires look like a walking crystal essentially.

That's kind of cool. They look like angly and weird. Yeah. always or just after they become a werewolf?

I'm not really sure. Like when Jacob first met Edward, he was like he was like a

this angular [ __ ] He looked like a Picasso like an early Picasso but just sparkly.

That's what I pictured. Long head. It's like a walking Picasso painting with like all the features in different ways and like super angled and

Yeah, I'm picturing like um Gumpy but like sharp like Gumpy. This guy who was always a pen. He was always a pen.

Gumby, right? That's what's going on. Yeah, Gumby. What's happened? Gumby. Oh, Gumby. Gumby. When you said he was always a pen.

Yeah, there was pens at him. Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying? I I was thinking Gumby when you brought him up, but then you said the pen thing and it threw me off.

You never saw a Gumby pen? No, I don't think I You were like he was always a pen. I was like he was not a pen. Like

maybe he wasn't. I don't think he was. Maybe I just feel I'm sure somebody has a Gumby pen.

Yeah, for sure. Um maybe not though because I'm looking at Google images right now and there's not a lot

you and you literally said he was always a pen. That's why I was like, "Oh, that's not Gumby." Like what?

Gumby. So, so the pack, the Quillute like werewolves pack. Yes. Yes. They share group mind so they can hear each other's thoughts.

Okay. Uh which becomes a real problem for Leah being the only woman in the pack later.

Oh, we will get there. Don't worry. When we get to her situation, you will feel all for Leah. Yeah.

They also like you had they have to obey the alpha. They don't have a choice. Um they heal really quickly once they transform like once their first phase happens. Their aging will speed up until they reach the age of 25 and then they stop aging.

Obsessed. Yeah. So they'll get like they'll quickly get older but stay at 25. So that would be a problem even if she was with Jake

and there's nothing he could even do about it. Yeah, because he'll stop aging. Wow.

Yeah, that's interesting. I don't I didn't even remember that. Yeah, we'll get they do mention imprinting in New Moon obviously becomes a problem.

Yeah. Later. Yeah. Um what it is is apparently being unconditionally tied to a member of the opposite sex. Always the opposite sex.

Homophobic. So you cannot That's literally homophobia. It really is like cuz it specifically says homophobia opposite sex.

Um and apparently once you see the object of the imprinting that you don't know that's going to happen, but once you come upon the person you're going to imprint on, you will do anything to please and protect that person.

Upsetting. All other commitments in his life, like the werewolf's life, are secondary. even commitment to the pack. Everything becomes secondary to that person.

Interesting. The werewolf will completely transform everything about themselves to become what that person needs or wants. So they will abandon any individuality or any preferences or any choice to become whatever that person wants.

That's wicked healthy. I'm like that's wicked healthy. I'm like, [ __ ] you have created the most [ __ ] up relationship sick. Like toxic as all hell.

They will give up everything just to be with that person also be forced into being like around everything that that person loves. So if they they have to by no choice of their own like the people that that person likes, like what the everything about it,

that could get so crazy. Yeah. And it said, according to the illustrated guide, if the human is young that they're imprinting on, the werewolf becomes the perfect platonic, playmate, and protector.

Putting platonic and playmate in the same sentence is diabolical. As the human ages and changes, the werewolf instinctively switches roles to fulfill the human's needs. So grooming.

Yeah. Okay. So the whole Reneesme thing when everybody's like, "Oh my god, it's not that big a deal." It's a big deal. She's He's waiting. This [ __ ] is waiting and wait,

it's literally grooming until she becomes age appropriate. It's involuntary grooming.

Meets her as an infant. Can't wait for her to become age appropriate. That is so beyond [ __ ] up.

But can and will wait. Yeah. Like I I just read a story to the girls the other night called It Came From the Sky. That's a great book. You need to read it. It's so fun. Okay.

And it says in it, "Nobody is more patient than a spider." And I beg to differ.

I didn't know when you said, "I read a book to the girls the other night," what journey you were going to take.

Nobody's more patient than a werewolf who was imprinted. Yeah, just saying. Uh, my brain right now is like, you know, when you shake up one of those bottles and you make a tornado. That's my brain right now.

Yeah. I just wrote what at the end of the What? Why would you volunteer or anything, but like Steph, I'm not trying to come at you, bro, but like why would you voluntarily tell us this and like make this make this lore?

That's just This was voluntary. You didn't have to. really don't want that. It's like voluntarily telling us that Jasper is a Confederate soldier. Like weird.

I don't need it. Um but yeah, so that's that. The the Quillutes and the Vampires or the Cullens, excuse me, specifically have a treaty that happened a long time ago. Okay. That was like I think it was like Jacob's like great great grandfather who started this whole like it's one of his family

descendants as or ascendants. They did this. Yeah. They did this treaty with Carile because Carile's a billion years old. And so their their whole treaty was that they were going to leave each other alone.

Yeah. Oh, I remember what we saw in the first movie, the little flashback. The Cullens had to promise not to hurt humans and hunt them. And they had to promise to stay off of Quilly Land.

How weird is that? That Edward met Jacob's great greatgrandfather. I know. Isn't that crazy?

Yes. That's why he's like, "Boy, little [ __ ] boy. Little [ __ ] Get out of here."

Hey, son. Like, Jacob is of the generation that Bella is. Yeah. So, technically, Yeah. It goes too far.

You can't think on it too much. It'll break your brain. Yeah. You can't marinate in that too much or it's going to get rotten.

How many generations older is Edward than Bella? Wow. Who can be sure? Uh, probably somebody on an online form,

I'm sure. But that at some point Bella jumps on one of those bikes that she made Jacob fix for her.

Oh, doesn't she get like thrown into a rock? She does. And when she begins the to start the bike, Edward appears and puts his hand on her hand in vision form and he just goes stop

and the ways he's like stop. I feel like that's silly. Uh but she crashes and he Jacob comes to her rescue also. She crashes and she gets internal bleeding and I will not be told otherwise. She flies against that rock.

Yeah. Like really really hard. And she sits up and says, "I want to go again." But her mouth says something different.

Yes. I can't tell what it was. And then she looks up at Jacob and says, "You're sort of beautiful."

And I I need to stand in in honesty right now. That's a killer line. Yeah. A killer line to say to somebody. I I was unaware of Bella's like potential to have game cuz that was like a real you're sort of beautiful is cuz like he is it's a killer line and also somewhat of a read because it's she could just look up at him and be like you're beautiful but I think she was literally just being like holy [ __ ] like I'm looking at you right now this close for the first time and like she's I think that was supposed that's part of the game is you're being a little co like a little koi and being like you're sort of beautiful.

The sort of would take me out. I'd be like, "Oh, back in the day." Wow. A memory just infiltrated my brain. Back in the day, it used to be this thing on Facebook where it would be like like and I'll rate you and like say a fact about you and people would like each other's statuses. And then on your Facebook page, they would rate you from 1 to 10. So, it's kind of like being called an eight when somebody calls you sort of beautiful.

That's how Facebook began is Mark Zuckerberg thinking he had any [ __ ] ground to stand on to rate another human being how they looked. looking from his [ __ ] goblin ass point of view.

He did that voluntarily. Yeah. Um, you're sort of beautiful. I think this it's the way she's not saying it like you're sort of beautiful. Like that's not how that's coming out. Somebody looking deep into your eye and being like you're sort of beautiful. It would be like at that age you'd be like wow.

Well, he loves Jacob is like excuse me. Also Jake is he is sort of beautiful. Like that's just that's like

I was like damn that really hit girl. Yeah. So, you're like, "Dang, Bella, where the hell you been?"

I did. I said, "Where the hell you been, Loca? Where did that come from?" Uh, but the whole thing is like people have been seeing bears in the area. We were talking about it earlier. You know, Charlie's been trying to figure out who it is. Are they getting what they think are bears? Hikers have died, like a few of them. Uh, they're actually werewolves um that they're seeing, but it's something else that's killing people and hurting people, but people are seeing the werewolves and thinking they have something to do with it. Um, yeah.

Rachel Lefbre, I think it is. Unreal. She was iconic in this role. I'm sorry. Bryce Dallas Howard is great.

She's a great actress, but and she's beautiful. Rachel ate this role up. She's scary.

Genuinely scary in this one. She's got this like look in her eye. Oh, she's so good.

That Bryce Dallas Howard just doesn't like deliver the same. And we're going to get to the my favorite scene in the entire movie in a minute. Um, but Bella, like so I think like her friends at lunch are talking about this and Angela thinks she saw one of the bears.

Bella finally joins them at lunch again. Just walks over out of nowhere and sits with them and they're all like, "What the fuck?"

They're also just like such good people because they're just like, "Okay, like sit down, crazy [ __ ]

That's a okay, crazy [ __ ] Just sit down." They're just like, "All right, here you are again." And Mike takes this as an opportunity to ask her out,

which isn't Jessica like right there? Yeah, that's why I'm like, "Mike, shut up."

Yeah, it's very nice. The way he says this, I took I actually took a recording of it. No,

you didn't. Because this would make me fly into orbit. Oh gosh. So, this is what he says when she

walks back to the thing. Okay, that's Well, welcome. Um, so listen, you know, now now that you know, you're talking and uh eating again, which you know, got to get protein in there.

When he says got to get that protein in there like pokes her, I would I would say respectfully,

he essentially asleep. He essentially just spoonfed choo choo. He essentially just

that protein in there. Choo choo. I said, "Oh, you're at the task." After that,

I would crawl under the lunch table and never emerge. I was watching it. I said, "Oh, Mike, no."

It's You said that so carefully. Oh, Mike, no. Like, Eric should have literally said that. Oh, Mike, no. It's the way his voice like yuck. That's how you talk to a little kid. They're like, "Get that protein."

And she's just like, "Okay, okay." And she agrees to call and he's like, "You want to go to a movie?" And like there's like a romantic comedy that we could see. And I love it cuz she literally goes She goes, "Um, do you know like Face Punch? It's called Face Punch." And she's like, "I would love to see Face Punch." And she's like, "Everyone, do you want to see Face Punch with us? Face Punch. Wanu." And they're all like, "Punch face. Let's go." And I was like, "Poor Mike. He's just there." But I was like, "You cooked your own [ __ ] chicken there with

You cooked your own your own protein there with your protein in there. Oh god, kill me."

Um, and luckily lucky for him almost is that everybody gets sick and can't go. Jessica just bails, which also I was like, "Yeah, no shit." Of course,

because before we go to this scene, Jessica goes, "Movie night with Bella. She's like, "I could think of 70 things I'd rather do."

I said, "Correct reaction, Jessica." Cuz you know, she's like, "Are you [ __ ] kidding me?

Yeah. You've abandoned me in the streets." Yeah. And they were dating again for a couple months. Like that's shitty.

And she likes Mike. She just watched Mike ask Bella out. Yeah. And she's like, "Yeah, no. I don't want to go on your date with you. Thank you so much. Movie night with Bella.

I love her. But everybody's sick. Nobody can come." And so it's just Jacob and Mike.

Jacob is trying. Of course it's just Jacob and Mike. Because all of the boys Something about Bella's milkshake brings them to the yard.

Brings them all. And they're like, "It's better than yours." Yeah. And Jessica's like, "No, it's not."

She's like, "No, it's actually putrid and rancid." Yeah. And Jacob's trying to be nice in this scene at first, to be honest. Doesn't end up that way, but he he certainly tries

when they're both sitting there with their hands open. I would with the hands. Oh my god. I went on a date with a guy that did that once and I literally wanted to like stab my eyes out.

You know, John tells a funny story. I don't remember this, but maybe it wasn't traumatizing for me. It was traumatizing for him. So maybe that's why it's burning. We went one of our first dates.

We went to a movie theater where you could bring the armrest up. He lifted the armrest up. I slammed it back down.

What? Why did you do that? I don't remember. I think it was just like I said, absolutely.

Don't touch me. I'm sterile. What the [ __ ] And he will tell you to this day that he remembers it vividly.

Of course he does. He wakes up and thinks about it. Holy [ __ ] It turned out all right. Four of my things.

Yeah. Three kids in a marriage later. I feel like we're okay. Damn, [ __ ] Like I'm like, damn. Like 20 years later,

that's reckless. He still will be like, I remember that. And I felt that sting.

That's reckless. I don't know. It must have been instinctually I was just like, "No, man."

Something crazy runs in our family because before me and Drew's first kiss, I literally said, "Fuck you."

Wow. Yeah. So, damn. See, I was I was very scarred from my last relationship. So, I think I was like, "Don't touch me. Get away."

That's so stupid. Just slammed it right back down. I can literally picture John in that moment just being like,

he was just like, "Oh, like just laser eye focus down at the floor." He took it very well apparently cuz I didn't even know it happened.

Well, you know what? It, like you said, it worked out. It worked out. U, that's so reckless.

But also, Mike uh really reads uh Jacob for filth when he says, "Are you even old enough to see this movie?" Especially cuz Jacob's response is not, "Yes, I am." It's, "Bella bought my ticket."

Ew. And I said, "This got weird." Yeah. This got weird fast. Yeah. And I'd like to be let out.

I'll be out on this corner. I want to be out. Yeah, the the hands up thing. So weird,

upsetting. This is when like, you know, Mike gets sick, he gets the flu that everybody has, which I don't think anybody was appropriately stressed out about that to be honest. When you're that age,

as soon as somebody is like, I think I have the neurovirus. I'm like, well, I guess this is curtains for me.

Actually, please don't even say that in front of me. No, they and they have a whole discussion, Jacob and Bella, while Mike's puking in the bathroom that and he says, "I'm not going to give up." And her response is, "I don't want you to, but it's because I don't want you to go anywhere." And that's selfish. And I was like, "There are things that are called inside thoughts,

and those are things that you shouldn't say out loud cuz they're going to make you feel better to get them out. They're going to hurt the person you say them to, which is very selfish." when it's like I don't even know that Jacob is like astute enough in this moment to be hurt by that. I think he stopped listening at I don't want you to.

Yeah. You know, like that. And that's like you're leading him on. Yeah. It's [ __ ] up. And it's just [ __ ] up to say to someone like I don't want you to stop obsessing over me, but it's only because I don't want you to go anywhere.

What the [ __ ] You don't have to be that honest, babe. No, you don't. That's not helping anybody. And we end up like she tries to talk to Jake some more like after this first. Oh, first of all, Mike comes out of the bathroom looking gray as hell and he

sweating and he's sweat. He looks so sick and he's like, "I have to go." So, I have to go home. That's all he says. And Jacob looks at him like he's going to [ __ ] kill him.

Jacob says, "You blank ass [ __ ] ass [ __ ] asshole." Literally, he's like, "Do you have a problem?" And Jake's like, "Yeah, you're my problem." And then he says like something about like maybe you need a hospital and maybe I need to put you there. And he's like what the [ __ ] And so Belle is like calm down. You're [ __ ] hot. And not like hot like woo you're spicy. It's like no you're literally hot like you have a fever.

Yeah. And I love it cuz he walks away and Mike goes he's weird. And I'd be like get away from me influenza. But get away from me influence.

You got to go. You were just talking about inside thoughts. I think that was one of those. But honestly, I don't have those.

Get away from I'm preaching it, but I but I don't actually practice it. Do as I say, not as I do.

Yeah. Um and this would seem I think they should have done it where cuz it's seeming I know it's supposed to be that he's in the middle of transitioning. So the the change the change is happening. He's getting his manies right now. Um his his werewolfies right now. Um and so it's supposed to be he's like uncontrollably getting angry and he's hot and all that stuff.

But I think they should have at least given Mike like some bit of antagonizing there. Like said something that would not normally set someone off but sets him off like that cuz it comes out of nowhere to such a degree that while you're watching it you're like why did he do that?

Yeah. Why so? Because when you're watching this for the first time or reading it, you don't know the background yet, right?

So, you don't know what that's all about. So, you're just sitting there being like, is he why

so mad? So, I think it just could have had a little bit of more even the smallest bit of ant something that could even be taken for like um innocuous but is like has the tinge of antagonizing.

Um but that's just me being a dick. No, I get that. So, we see that like Bella tries to get a hold of Jacob a bunch, can't get a hold of him. They're claiming he has mono, all that [ __ ] He's staying away. It's a long time. And then she shows up in the [ __ ] pouring rain and he is just jorts. Just cut off jorts.

A tattoo. He's He's cut his hair. Thank god. Um Yeah. He cut his hair. He took the wig off. Got a tattoo. He's got a tattoo

that moves, by the way. Yeah. They go Yep. They go through a whole thing with, you know, and he's saying he can't tell her what's going on and blah blah blah. And then he goes, "I used to be

tell you a good kid." And I said, "Stop." He said, "Okay." And he's like, "Yeah, I can't tell you what's going on." And he just runs off in the rain with his other shirtless Jorts crew.

Jort squad. The Jort squad. I'm trying to think of another J. And just a a jumble of Jorts.

Yes. just off the jumble. Yeah, the the jumble of jorts off on the on the little periphery

to have a Jort jamberee. So, we see her go up to the meadow again where they used to like lay together. And can you please explain what happens there?

I need you guys cuz she has a vision like she remembers them laying in the meadow.

I need you guys to watch this scene. Even if you don't watch the whole movie again, watch this scene because as they're like panning over Edward and Bella laying down, Bella doesn't have a foot. It's gone. And everybody like I saw a couple people on Reddit being like, "No, it's just like like um her boot cut jeans." Nope.

Nope. Cuz you can see her other foot. Yeah. Her foot is missing. Her foot is her foot is gone.

It is. It's gone. It's Maybe that's supposed to tell you it's a memory. To believe that her boot cut jeans consumed her foot.

But you're wrong. They didn't. You're wrong. They just digitally took her foot out by accident.

Yep. And didn't put it back in. Uh, it's pretty funny. Um, but when she goes up to this meadow, it's no longer that lush meadow. It's all like burned and dead. Um, and Laurent shows up

and he's hungry. He look and he looks great. He does. Laurent's gorgeous as far as I'm concerned.

Abs for days. It is. And just he's beautiful. He's getting his protein in there.

He is protein. You're getting protein in there. Protein in there. Uh, a lot of iron. And he he tells her that basically Victoria is eye for and eyeing her. Edward killed her mate so she needs to kill Edward's mate and that's you buddy. And then he's like good luck.

He's like are I went to the Collins house, didn't see him there. Do they visit often or like weird that they left you here? And Edward shows up to tell her like lie. At one point he says threaten him. And I was like that's I would have been like timeout. What do I say?

What threat? You have to be specific to me. you need to cuz I said earlier I was like my immediate thought for a threat would be like I'll spit in your eye and kick you in the shin

and that's not going to help anybody. So like you need to tell me what threat you want me to use but she apparently knows.

I don't even know what you would say. I think she says like Edward will never let that happen. He'll come back for me.

But that's not cuz he's like you wouldn't have left you in the first place. Yeah. He's like pretty shitty that he left you here. And I'm like yeah it is pretty shitty huh. I'd be like you know what? Why don't we sit down and actually we can talk about it because there's a lot of lore to this. She's like, "I would actually love to talk about this."

There was a search party, Lauron. Um, I don't know if you know this, but I sat in a chair for four months. Yeah. With

Do you know Licky Lee? Whatever possibility. All right. Do you know that there's a possibility?

I missed four months of school. It's a possibility. Trick-or-treaters were in my sideyard.

Well, and then he's like, "You know what? I'm really hungry, though. Victoria's probably going to be annoyed at me for eating you, but I think I'm going to

and it'll be better and it's going to be fine. Like, I'll make it painless." And she literally stands there and is going to allow him to. And she's like, "I love you. I love you, Edward." And I was like, "Oh, [ __ ] a."

She wants that to be her last words. I said "Really?" Yeah. He left you. He left you in the woods alone.

Come on. Grow up. But there's a wolf there. I think it's Sam at first. Yeah. He like leads the pack. I think there I think. Yeah, they're all there, I think.

But, uh, they all attack Laurent. And, uh, that's a that's a series wrap all around.

Yeah. So, she goes and tells Charlie and Harry and they go out hunting. But, this is a big deal because when she tells uh Charlie and Harry, for some reason, I was going to like morph their names together.

There's no phone on the wall in the cupboards where there is a phone later. Oops. So, like I maybe they got a landline within this time frame really quickly.

But just so you know that. Yeah. You just never know. But she she does she goes back down and like they're at the at Jake's house at one point. And that's when she discovers that he's a werewolf. Like they show her because I think she like aggravates is it Embry or one of the

Yeah, she one of them actually she goes there in the f Oh, I think she tries to call him or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Something happens where she ends up being like she pisses one of them off and they phase.

Yeah. And she runs away from him and when she's running Jake runs out of the house and she's like run Jake run Jake run Jake run. It's the way she says it is so funny.

She says it like his name is Jake Run and they, you know, they fight all that and then they're walking on the beach and he's explaining things to her cuz now she's seen it.

We missed a part. So Jacob does come to her room at one point after this whole like Laurent situation. He like shows up cuz remember he parkour up to her room.

Oh my god, we missed. I think it would have been so funny if he just went. If you've seen the office episode where they all parkour and they just keep yelling parkour while like hitting things, that's what I think of. And in this exchange between the two of them, he's saying, "I can't tell you,

but like think about when we were walking on the beach when you came to La Push." And she was like, and he was like, "Do you remember what I told you?" And she goes, "About the cold ones." And he goes, "I guess I understand why that's the only part you remember." And I said, "You narcissistic [ __ ] He told you about wolves. You only heard the part that had anything to do with you or something you were interested in. When he told you the lore of his people whose land you are currently standing on at La Push,

you checked out. What the [ __ ] She really is so narcissistic. She's got narcissistic tendencies.

It's like wild. She just does not hear. If it has to do with anyone else's [ __ ]

she doesn't care. She does not give a [ __ ] She doesn't care. Also, um this is when he like looks at her scar and it has moved.

It has because in the first movie it's like on the side of her arm. So, it's like on the top and the bottom, but here it's just on like the inside of her arm.

Yeah. And also, I'm like you don't get questions about that more often. That's what I'm wondering.

Like that's the only person who flips your arm around. Bite scar. It's It looks like my whole night guard imprinted on my arm.

It's massive. It is huge. So, it's after this discussion in Bella's bedroom where she's like, "Oh, yeah. I remember stuff that that appealed to me, but I completely ignored the lore of your people."

Yeah. I love when Jacob's like, "All right, I'm going to go." He's like, "You know what? [ __ ] it.

I'm going to parkour the [ __ ] out of here." Yeah. He goes parkour and he leaves. So then that's when we get the scene of her, you know, showing up and that's when she like sees that they are werewolves because in

in the room he's like, "I wish I could tell you. I literally can't. I wish you knew how tightly I'm bound to this." And that's when he says like, "I did say it a little bit on the bush." On the beach. And she's like, "Yeah, I didn't hear that." On the bush.

On the bush. On the bush. I was I was thinking la push and beach at the same time.

I get that. But uh this is when she sees it because she slaps one of them. Yeah. Which is rude, which is like very violent and

Yeah. You can't just go around people. Um but she she slapped him and he got real mad cuz he's a wolf now. And so he was like and then he turns into a wolf.

Yeah. And that's when she does the whole run Jake run Jake run Jake run. It's the way she said. I'm telling you. Listen to it again. It'll it'll hit you different.

No, it's funny. Um, what are the [ __ ] odds that your first boyfriend in high school, like to our knowledge, is a vampire?

Yeah. And then the next boy that you hang out with is a werewolf. What are the [ __ ] odds?

What are the o how does someone hit the jackpot like that is what I want to know. I just got a dumb human.

Do I Wow, I know. Yeah, I just got a human. You just called them out. I mean, like dumb as in like humans are dumb. He was pretty dumb. He was not great either. Yeah, I was I was like, I know your first high school boyfriend. He was pretty dumb. Um, mine, too. Mine, too.

I think most of us were. Yeah. I don't even know where I was going with that. I just like, what are the odds?

Yeah, that's the thing. I My daughters all like they can't watch Twilight yet. They never talked about it, but we will for a cautionary tale at some point. And I feel like it is like a it's it's like we we joke about it, but it's like it's a right of passage. I feel like you got to but you just got to preface it with like this is wild.

This is toxic. Um, but for the fun like romance and vampire and werewolf and of it all. But I was discussing it with John last night. I was mentioning something about New Moon and he and the girls were like, "What is that?" And I was like, "Oh, remember I like me." Because I've told them like, "Oh, there's this movie Twilight. It's a book. Someday you'll read it. It's in the zeitgeist.

It's there." And so they were like, "Oh, like when can we watch that?" And I was like, "Not for a while."

But I was like, "Oh, there's this really cool scene with Victoria and the werewolf." And I was talking about the the one that's coming up and it's like when He hearing Damage by Tom York is playing.

It's such a good scene and they wanted they were like can we watch the scene and I was like so I watched the scene I was like give me a second.

It's not scary really. No it's not scary at all but I was like this is a cool scene. So I showed it to them and all three of them were like when can we watch them? And I was like I know I just gave you like and I was like the whole movie isn't like that but it does have these vibes.

Honestly I think you said it when we were watching it. That's the best scene in the entire and it's coming up because

it's coming up. It's coming up because it right before that happens like she finds out that Jake's a werewolf. He changes in front of her. She's like, "Holy shit." He's like this beautiful like amber colored werewolf.

Where is the color of his werewolf coat? Exactly. And she sings that. Yeah, she does. You miss that part. It's only in the director's cut

and it's so quick you'll miss it. Uh you have to like you have to pause between the the different film slides to get it. It's actually not even in the director's cut. It's only in special exclusive cuts that only few few people know.

Yeah, it's only in the cut that I have. Well, I have it too, actually. No, only I do.

Well, I I knew about it first. So, but they go for a walk to discuss his his new found werewolfness.

And Bella says to him, "Can't you find a way to just stop?" And then she says, "It's wrong." Yeah,

I'm sorry. This should be the moment where Jake goes, you know what? Not worth it.

Not worth it. That's like because what the [ __ ] is Let me get this straight. And he literally says he's like, "Oh, I'm not the right kind of monster for you. You jackass."

That is That is such a great jackass moment. Jackass. Like, okay. No, not for nothing, baby. baby.

But Edward was a [ __ ] human who got bit by a vampire and turned into a vampire. He's not genetically predispositioned to be a vampire. He had he apparently didn't have a choice because Carle was saving him and like kind of took that choice away from him, right?

But like it's not in his genetic code to be a vampire. It's not through generations that he became one.

The Quillute tribe in this instance, the whole thing is you're directly tied to that bloodline. happen.

You don't have a choice. It's happening. You come across a vampire, boom, and it's like to say to someone where this is literally in their blood,

that's wrong and not a choice. I'm like, that's [ __ ] that sounds homophobic as [ __ ]

It's racist. Like to sit there and be like, it's actually it's speciesist. She's saying it's a choice.

Yeah. No, she is. And then it's wrong. She would she would love right now. She would love right now. would she would like I was like that is the most f it's weird that they kept that in there because I was like she became diabolically unlikable in that moment like cuz poor Jake is sitting there can't do anything

and also this is brand new for him too like he's heard these legends and he didn't know that it was going to happen to him exactly he's still getting used to it

wrong and like one of the first people that ever gets to see this insane like just wild thing about you. That's their reaction.

You [ __ ] It's wrong. You [ __ ] Can't you just find a way to Is it Is it a phase?

No. That's essentially what she's saying to him. And I was like, you [ __ ] Yeah,

it pissed me off so much. I was like, what? That's the crazy thing, too. You're in love with a vampire.

It's wrong. She's lit. And also like she barely asked Edward any questions. No, he said he was a vampire and she was like, "Let's run through those trees, bitch."

Not only that, he literally said, "This is the skin of the Bella and she said he has told her I want to kill you.

Yeah, but I won't. But I want to kill you at all times. Told her I have I am a killer.

And she's like, "It's okay, baby." And then Jacob's like, "Hey, I'm a fluffy dog and I'm protecting people right now." And she's like, "That's really wrong. Can't you stop?"

Gross. And then she's like, "They don't hurt anyone." And I'm like, he's like, "Neither do we."

And also And also they do hurt people. They made a choice to not hurt anyone. Yeah. But they didn't go through their entire lives doing that.

Facts. Also, I'm sorry, babe. They haven't hurt anyone. Why don't you pull Jasper aside? Once you pull Jasper aside,

have him look you in the eye. Oh, wait. He can't. He'll eat you first. If you can get him aside,

ask him. At least you can get Ask him if he's hurt anyone. At least you could get a paper cut in front of Jake

and he would probably help you out. What a [ __ ] up. I was like, Jacob to still be into this after this conversation. I know. It's

like wild. It's like the the thing we tell the kids that we should not tell him is like, "Oh, she's mean to you. She likes

because she likes you." Like, I feel like he thinks that. That's not the case. No.

So, that's [ __ ] up. And even he's like, "Wow, you're [ __ ] up for saying that." And we do get a scene where it's Bella deciding what she has to do. She knows what she has to do, which in her mind is jump off that cliff that all those

Yeah. all the other werewolves were jumping off because it's going to be a rush and she's gonna get to see Edward again. And she said that's the only way, which I was like, I feel like you've seen him enough up to this point that you could do about a thousand other things to see him.

Yeah. That wouldn't include jumping off a 4,000 ft tall cliff in all Here's my biggest Here's my biggest issue. It's not even the 4,000t tall cliff. Why does she jump in all of her clothing?

Mhm. Why does she li She jumps in with her Converse on. Yeah. Why? Why do that?

Why not? Why jump in with your little jacket that you always Why? Oh, no. She took the jacket off.

Did she take her jacket off? Did she take her Converse off or did she jump in? I don't think she did. I think she took her She jumped in Converse.

I can't I can't I don't I just don't get why. Like you watched werewolves, which are supernatural beings with supernatural healing abilities

who run hot who run hot jump off of that and survive. And you said I probably can too.

Yeah, it'll probably be the same for me. Well, and also like did she think that? Cuz you've been hallucinating. There's been a lot of stuff happening right now that I just don't think you're in your your complete clear mind right now to be making smart decisions for yourself when you think you're seeing Edward.

Yeah. Whenever you do something dumb. Yep. And that the it so she's sitting there like basically writing an email to Alice, which Have we mentioned the emails?

I don't remember. I don't know if we've mentioned the emails. If we haven't, I'm sorry if we have. just when there was a possibility during that 4mon period, she and during this entire time that Edward's been away, she is sending an email a day, sometimes two emails a day at the most crazy times of night, like 3:00 in the morning, 2:00 in the morning. I paused.

Yeah, I counted 13 when I counted and that was just in like a month or two. And they're all being returned.

Yeah. So, they're not even making it to You know, you know the mail or demon? The mail or demon? Yeah.

Yeah. That guy. Demon or demon? I always call it the demon. It might be the demon.

I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm like when that you don't continue to send. No,

you don't make the demon demon work overtime. Yeah. But so she writes her an email.

It's insane. So she's she's in the middle of writing her an email uh Alice saying that this is what she has to do. She knows this is what she has to do.

Yep. And we hear that voice over and her getting ready to go to the cliff. And we also get this really cool like mashup of Victoria as Charlie and Harry Clearwater and all the guys are looking for this bear

quote unquote which has now been told they've been told it's a wolf by Bella because when she when she sees it after like it attacks Luron she lets them know

they're wolves. Um they're huge. It is not a bear. Uh and there so they're in the woods like searching for him. They have guns. They're doing the whole search party and we see Victoria stalking them in the tree. She's so [ __ ] cool in this. Also, she somehow found hair dye to make that hair really red in this one.

Super vibrant. Um, very vibrant. Love it. It's wonderful. But it's just funny that it changed between when she's been like living in the woods. But like, okay. I mean, she it's berries.

She finds time to like get tone, you know? Um, just a what is it? A gloss and little quick gloss, you know?

Bleach and tone. There you go. And we see Harry Clearwater like covering up wolf tracks as they go because like that's his people.

And so Victoria at one point grabs Harry Clearwater before he can like shoot her and lifts him up in the air and he's like petrified. And then before she can do anything, a wolf comes and just like t-bones her

and so Harry falls to the ground. He's all stressed out. He ends up having a heart attack.

It's the saddest death because Harry Clearwater is the most adorable man and I love him. I would lay down my life for Harry.

Sad. And what happens in the book is you we've mentioned Leah Clearwater and her plight which we will get to. I think she has many

I think the next one maybe the one after that. It's either Eclipse or the first Breaking Dawn. Um but we get to her plight. One other thing that Stephanie Meyer added onto her plate is that in the book, Harry Clearwater dies from a heart attack because Aaliyah transforms into a wolf in front of him for the first time and he has a heart attack from it. So, she kills her essentially.

It's like, damn, you really did her kills her dad and then she has to listen to her loved one imprint on her cousin.

Yeah. Not great. Rock on. Not great. Uh, but so so Harry has a heart attack and this is when Tom York's hearing damage plays over it. Perfect song for this. Perfectly shot. There's a scene of like Victoria and I think it's Jacob,

I'm pretty sure, as a wolf. Oh, I think you're right. They are like on opposite sides of a clearing and they do this like faceoff thing and then they just like lunge at each other and she does these cool like slow motion flips in the air and [ __ ]

And Tom, what is it? Tom York. Yeah. He has such a cool voice. He does. And the the song is just perfect. It gives you chills.

It's such a vibe. and she's running away from the whole pack of wolves and it's like slow motion and I can see it in my head right now. It's a really and they do these overhead shots and everything's really lush and green. And it's like this this scene. I thought I said if the whole movie was like this,

it would be even better cuz it's like I know the romance is part of it, but I if we could tone down some of the melodramatics and get a little more of like vampires versus wolves, which we get later, I think

like that becomes more of a thing. We see like these battles and everything. It's really fun.

It really is. So, I really love this. So, but uh she gets away by jumping off the cliff,

right? And it's like she like swan dives out and it's gorgeous. And is it that they can't go in the water because it's like where the tree I think it's they chase her to like where the treaty is.

The treaty is maybe. Yeah. Cuz she jumps right into the water. She like swan dives and Jacob is like right after her and he's has a wolf and he stops on the cliff and is like

um so she jumps in there and then we see Bella get to the top of the cliff. She jumps in.

As she jumps in, worst timing. We see we see um Edward tell her not to. She's like, "This is the only way that I can see you." And he's like, "Please don't."

She jumps in anyways. She like gets like beat up by some waves cuz it's like clear like clean crystal water like

cuz when she jumps in it's good, but then she literally gets [ __ ] smacked in the face with Yeah. barrel roll.

Like literally like slams into a rock. Like slams her head into a rock course. She's just floating underwater, which I guess they weighted her down to get that shot. Oh, like I think they put weights in her pockets so that she could float slow like that.

And uh you see you see the vision of Edward like opposite her so their heads are next to each other

when he dissipates cuz she gets pulled out of the water and she like you can arm kind of flails

when she gets barrel rolled. Once she like kind of gets her bearings, she sees Victoria swimming to towards her underwater. The most beautiful fish there ever was.

Literally scariest and most beautiful fish. That's when she backs up and hits her head into the rock. Here's my thing with this. This is an issue. She can run so fast. She can't swim just as fast. I mean, maybe it has something to do with the water.

They didn't tell me. Is it in the illustrated guide? And also she might have just been swimming up on her slow for for

for the fear factor and she didn't know that somebody was gonna pull her out maybe

because she was backing into the rock. She was going to be out cold so she had all the time in the world

to get to her still. But when she when she gets pulled out her hand kind of like floats to the side and then Edward just like dissipates.

Edward Vincent Van goes right out of there. It does. It's like Salvador Dolly painting. It just like melts. Uh but yeah, so she gets it's Jacob who pulls her out and gives her CPR. She goes full crosseyed again.

She also swallows the water instead of spitting it out, which I was like in that case like I know dry drowning is weird but like she might dry drown later.

Well, and also I was just like just spit it out. I think they put that water in your mouth so you could spit it out for effect, not swallow it.

Bellisan would swallow the water she was drowning on though. But she goes crosseyed again. And now I'm like, every time she is near death, she goes crossey.

She does such an interesting crossey, too, because it's not both eyes, it's one of her eyes that crosses. It's like a

I got to think about it. Hold on. This is not a visual podcast, so it doesn't matter. But I really wanted to give it a shot.

Oh, and when Bella jumps off that cliff, by the way, she barely jumps out. Oh, that is another piss. She just steps off.

You're going to die in all the rocks underneath there. I was like, what the [ __ ] No. Jacob gets her home and when they pull up they see Carlo's car and she's like, "Holy shit." And he says like, "I can smell them in there." And she's like, she's like, "I got to go in there." And Jacob's begging her not to. And saying like, "I can't protect you." And all this. And I think it's at this point that she literally she just tells him like,

"I don't care. I'll be with Edward doing this." like she's being so clear to him and he just unfortunately it's horrible but she has been from the start like when they were sitting on the was it when they were sitting in the movie theater and she was like

yeah like I don't want you to go away. Yeah it's that's the thing it's like there's there's a lot of mixed vibes happening here I feel and Jacob's young so I feel like it's like

uh but she goes in there and it's Alice who's there and Alice is all upset. She says she saw a vision of of um Bella jumping off the cliff that she was trying to kill herself. Like she was like, "What the fuck?" And they hug and you know, it's a whole reunion

and she's like, "Why the [ __ ] does it smell like what dog in your house?" Yeah. And she's like And Jacob shows up and is like, "I had to make sure you were okay." And Alice and Jacob have this like really tense standoff. And she at one point they get like into it for a second and it it's like as soon as Jacob gets upset he gets very it's he he's not scary.

No. Which which is like not his fault. He's just like but also he just like I feel like Taylor Lner who plays Jacob

is has such a kind face. You know what I mean? like and he has a kind way about him that just like could not make me scared of him.

Yeah. And so when he say he says, "Don't get me upset. Things are going to get very ugly." And I was like, "No, they won't.

They could never. They can't." I think if I was Alice, I'd be like, "Boop." Like she basically does. She's like, "Yeah, [ __ ] off."

She kind of does. Like I was like, doesn't she say like, "We can we can figure this out when you put the dog out."

Yeah. She cuz she's like, "Where are you going, Alice?" And she's like, "I'm going to let you take the dog out." And I was like, "Oh, girl, burn.

That's a lead." Uh, but when he said things are going to get very ugly, I said, "Babe, never. They could never with you. They could never get ugly with you."

They're not. It's It's just wild. It's next level. Um, so they end up, you know, Jacob and Bella are talking. So, I think the phone rings. She goes in the kitchen. The phone rings. They Jacob and Bella have a moment where they almost kiss.

Yeah. Very close. Yeah. And then the phone rings and he answers it. He's not pleased. He says Swan Res.

You don't need to answer my telephone. She wasn't going to answer that. But my telephone that is brand new.

And you can tell he's a little pissed when he answers it and he says she's not he's not here.

He's planning a funeral and he says he's planning a funeral and hangs up the phone. Now what he meant there obviously this person asked for Charlie.

Mhm. Charlie is planning a funeral for Harry Clearwater. So that is a thing. Jacob, apparently this is like widely argued.

Yeah. Whether he intended to do this or not, he definitely did. In my opinion, Stephanie Meyer says no. Here's the thing. I mean, I would trust her cuz she wrote it.

I know. I know. But but but here's here's my reason why I do believe this. He does not know that the Cullens had any idea of Bella jumping off that cliff to try to like kill herself. He doesn't know that.

That's true. He He wasn't like Alice didn't say I'm here because she tried to kill herself. Like he doesn't know that.

That's true. So him saying that wouldn't make sense. Especially because Oh, actually when you put it that way, that's a good point.

It's Edward on the phone and he's asking for Charlie as well. So I think he's more looking at it like he's trying to get to her through Charlie. [ __ ] you. Charlie's planning a funeral. Like you piece of [ __ ] Like your little love story doesn't matter. Somebody died. Cuz that's also Jacob's family member.

Yeah. So like Harry Clear. That's a good I never even thought of that point. I think he doesn't know.

It makes sense that he would want to take it that way and that if he did have all the information,

sure, maybe he would have done that and I could absolutely see that. But he didn't have all that information. So, it doesn't really make sense that he would have said it that way. I think he was more annoyed that he felt Edward was trying to get to Bella through Charlie. Yep. Yep.

Like trying to So, he's like, "Fuck you." He's planning a funeral. Yeah. Yeah. So, that does happen. We see on the other end,

it's just the worst possible thing he could have said. It is cuz Bella probably saw it as like even though she knows he doesn't have all the information, she's still pissed. Why didn't you hand me the phone? That was Edward,

right? And we see Edward, he literally crushes his phone in his hand and he's in a dingy apartment. He looks a hot mess. Yeah, he's he's not doing well,

which also I'm like, what's going on? Where was everybody? That's the thing. I don't think that I don't remember in the book because I just watched the movie. I read the book forever ago, but I'm like, do they all go to their separate places? But then I don't I don't know because somehow I think he's with Rosalie.

Yeah, because Rosalie or at least is in contact with them. I mean, which he's not via cell phone according to Google.

Google, you see him. He's in this apartment. He's looking out his window. It's at night. You can see the Christ the Redeemer statue in the background. Okay. So when I saw that I said that's Brazil, that's Rio di Janeiro. Okay. Like I or what I believed it was.

Apparently that's where he was. He traveled alone and he ended up there. Wait, I think the rest of them went from New York.

To New York. Yeah. So apparently this he went to Brazil and they went to New York.

Yeah. They did not go together. Interesting. I think I actually now I'm remembering from the book something about Brazil.

Yeah. And it makes sense because you see that stat that's a famous statue out the window. So I remember seeing it and being like, "Wait a minute."

Oh, so he has to fly to Italy. Yeah. Huh. It's actually so funny because this I remember being like there it makes no sense that they got to him before

he like before like in in perfect time. It does make sense because if he's in Brazil and he's flying to Italy, a direct flight is 11 to 13 hours. And then from Washington to Italy is 8 and a half, nine and a half hours. See, that makes sense.

So, it makes sense now. That makes a lot more sense because I was there was so many cuz I knew he wasn't in Italy because I was like that statue, but I was like

for some reason and it it has nothing to do with the background. For some reason, I had it in my head. He was in Tokyo.

Who know? Yeah. I don't know. But I guess the rest of them according to Google,

they're in New York. They're in New York. and Carlile like got like started like I guess he like went like taught classes at Cornell for a little while.

Okay. Um but how does Rosalie get in touch with Edward then? Must have called him before he talked to Cuz what did she say Rosalie said?

So I think it's that Rosalie said that cuz I'm assuming Rosalie told him about the vision and that's why he calls. Okay. That's why he calls to like really check. And when he heard he's planning a funeral, he was like, "Holy [ __ ] it really happened."

There we go. Wow. And he was like, "I got to go." I don't know why my brain just like

No, it is. It's a little confusing because telephone and in the book in the movie I don't think they're clear about where the rest of the

in the movie they're not the family went because in the movie I think he mentions Charlie says something about like I think it's Charlie who says it that like um Carile got a job

in LA or something it's either in the movie or the book I can't remember now. Okay. I think it might be in the book.

I think that's the book. In the book I think they say like he got a job in LA and he just had to take it. So they just up and left. and left.

So, yeah. So, it's very interesting. There's a lot of moving pieces which can be a little little clunky to understand, but we we figured it out.

Um, so he he crushes his phone. Um, and we see like them traveling, you know, now and Jacob tries to like begs Bella not to go

because Alice says he's going to show himself to the volter now that he thinks you're dead.

Yeah. He's going to show up to because that was his plan. Remember before when he thought Bella was dead, he told her his plan.

And now that he has no cell phone, there's no way to tell him, which is why we don't overreact and crush our cell phones into a million pieces.

Exactly. You need to keep your cell phone on you. So, or at least have an Apple Watch, something. Um, but yeah, so they're on their way. Jacob tries to stop her and she's like, I'm leaving. And he's really sad and

it's sad. It's upsetting. Uh, but they go they go to Italy. Um, Alice's driving outfit. Queen [ __ ] She looks the driving gloves stunning. She looks wonderful. St. Is it Ashley Green?

Yeah, she is stupid pretty like that. That this this one shot of her. She has like the head wrap on the sunglasses

and she's got the driving gloves. I die. Hi. I die. I will. I want to drive like that.

Also, I don't know. I think we mentioned it in the first one, but in I can't remember if we did or not. Um, apparently Stephanie Meyer's brothers are like big car heads, so they helped her decide like what cars were going to be in the in the movie and in the books.

Yeah. Which is I think that's cute. That makes sense. And um, so she's got to go, they get to Voltera, there's a festival going on, everybody's in red cloaks and all that [ __ ] Um, and he's play he he went to the Viri to say like, I want to die. But Arrow is like, "Nah, dude. Your gift is like a little too special. I can't kill you. Sorry about it.

I could kill my own sister, but not you." Arrow's the best. Cuz he's just like,

"Oops, sorry. Sorry to You could join us, though. We would love that. Like, let's, you know, we can't kill you, but be one of us."

And he's like, "No, thank you." And so, he just decides that he's going to walk out into the festival and show himself to everyone, and then the Vuri will have no choice. And this festival is like all about the day that like they killed the last vampire or something like that. So it's like this is the big thing.

This is not good. Um so she gets to him with like seconds to spare. He's about to walk out of where the Vuri is.

He starts to sparkle shirtless. That's the thing. I love that his plan is just to sparkle for the people.

Yeah. Which anybody I feel like anybody would look at that and be like, "Oh my god, look at that guy with that body glitter. Where'd you get that?"

It's so sparkly. That would be some crazy eye. I'd be like, "Who's the holographic?" holographic over there.

I feel like that's pretty sick. I would not be like, "Whoa, vampire a creature of the night over there."

But I mean, maybe these people know because they're they're wellvered in. They're in Valera after all.

She runs right through the fountain. She didn't have to do that. Go around it. I don't think

water slows you down. Um or you could have just ran along the edge cuz like Yeah, water slows you down. I just It bothered me.

That's silly. Um but she gets to him right in the last second. She jumps on him. He says, "Heaven," which I was like, "That's really sweet." I know

it is sweet. Like they they like he thinks he's in heaven. I know. And I was like that's real sweet.

It is that moment I was like oh okay back to your love. Let's go. They they pull you in every He loves her so much.

He does. Even though he left her in the middle of the fort. Forget about that. But that happened. A little girl did see him while he was sparkling now. And she was like trying to She was like tugging on her parents being like, "Look at this [ __ ] sparkly [ __ ] over there." Yep. Um, but they get in there. Felix and I think Dimmitri, which are like two of the guards, come over and are like, "Hey, Arrow wants to see you." And he's like, "No, I don't need them anymore. Like, I'm not looking to kill myself anymore."

He's like, "Yeah, that's not what he wants." Yeah, he still wants to see you. And then Jane appears and she's like, he wants to know why it's taking so long. And I was like, [ __ ] it's been it literally took a second, but okay.

She has this stare. Dakota Fanning does such a good job of this like deadeyed like I'll [ __ ] kill you stare.

Yeah. I was like damn. But they go in they they see like that there's a secretary there that's a human. And this is when they go in and Belle is like

oh does she want to become and one of I think it's like Dimmitri or Felix is like so she will become and then that's when Jane says or she'll be dessert. And they go in there. We see, you know, we see Marcus just [ __ ] himself to the side there. He's

so tortured. We see Arrow just my my king Arrow. We see Ka, that hating [ __ ] just grudging over there,

just hating everybody. Uh we see Vecna, the baby VCNA. Yep. And they come in and Arrow through this whole thing, Arrow discovers that Bella has a block. She has a block that she is not affected by their special gifts.

Like Arrow can hear everybody's thoughts forever since they were he like conceived of. He doesn't with her.

So then he he tests out. He tests out Jane. He has Jane try he first he has Jane hurt Edward

real bad. And he's on the ground like screaming and Bella's like, "Stop it. Stop it." Like do it to me. Do it thing. She says, "Do it to me." And

she's like And he's like, "All right, give it a try." And he's like, "Let's see." And it does nothing. And Dakota Fanning is so good in this cuz it's tight on her face while she's doing and she does this little smile like closed lip smile while she's doing it that like she clearly enjoys doing this

and then when she realizes it's not working the smile just slowly fades from her mouth like she the the emotion work she did so tight on that shot is amazing.

I mean she's been working since Uptown Girls. She has and she's a she's phenomenal. She really is. And Arrow when he sees and she's pissed like she stop like once she like cuts the connection she's like [ __ ] a and she just like looks at Arrow and Arrow does his laugh here.

It's a beautiful laugh. It's so it's a laugh for the ages. It's a laugh for all of us.

It is. In fact, if I was there I think I would laugh with him just because I'd be like yeah

so fun. Sounds like a giggly time. It really sounds like a giggly time. So [ __ ] goes down at this point because I think it's I think Felix is like the big

macho man hulking guard that just like is the muscle here. Yeah. He can throw you through marble like it's nobody's business.

A fight breaks out. Felix slams Edward into the porcelain floor. Yeah. And his skin cracks like porcel. I thought that was such a cool effect. Like like cuz

the whole lore of vampires is they are like porcelain. And that whole lore of like when they [ __ ] it probably sounds like porcelain dishes.

Yeah. Slaming against each other. So when he got slammed down there and he cracked like porcelain, I was like, you really kept that.

But then they heal super fast and it just heals like immediately. It was interesting.

I was so worried about this porcelain though. I said, "This is probably thousands of years old. How are you going to replace this?"

I know. I was like, "You're ruining your your office." Gorgeous castle. Yeah, that would piss me off. I'd be like, "Fix it now." Yeah,

they probably find somebody who will absolutely fix it for them or they could just kill them.

Yeah. And when Arrow gets close to Bella and he and he's saying how like she smells so good like I don't know how I don't know how you hold and Edward's literally like it's tough. He's like like they have like a real mo like they have a real bro moment and like it's hard my guy.

And he does the thing where he says Isabella like right in her face and I was like I love Arrow so much. Everything he says is topnotch.

So weird. The way Michael Sheen plays him is so scary because it's so unsettling but like so unsettling

in such a small like unnerving way. He's very he's very the mayor coded. Y like he's very like he's got that like that weird charming thing that happens. I don't know.

He's very fun though. Uh Marcus is wearing mules I'm pretty sure. like he he's really wearing like a house slipper.

Comfy. I noticed and I said, "Yeah, I bet they're Gucci." I bet. I bet. Um and the basically the thing is she need because she has this special ability that now Arrow has discovered. He's like, "Well, now she needs to be one of us because I collect special vampires." And so he was like, "She's got to be turned." And

and she knows about them, too. Yeah. Like he knows she knows about us. She knows too much. And she has the special ability. like we're turning her, [ __ ] And he's like, "I'll turn her." And Alice is like, "Wait a minute." And she's like, "I've seen that she's going to be turned. I will do it myself." And so Arrow checks this because he can check her thoughts. And he's like, "All right." And he sees this [ __ ] crazy ass vision.

It's the vest of Edward and Bella running out of a Renaissance fair, running slow motion through the forest barefoot

in Renaissance gar. And she's wearing a dress. Yeah. It's full Renaissance vibes. Sunlight is glistening on their sparkling skin and she's a vampire.

It's insane. Yeah. And so he saw this and he's like, "Awesome." Like cool. And he's like, "So like

he literally like cl and is like, "Okay, all right. I'm going to let you guys get to it and let me know what it's done." Like so fun. And Marcus literally stands up and goes, "Thank you for your visit." It took everything in him

to sit up and thank them. It took his whole ass to. And he's like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here cuz I'm going to go [ __ ] my pants.

Get the [ __ ] out of here because I have been sitting with this gas pain for a long time and it's about to come to fruition. So get out.

I just I was like I would I I feel like I would have to be like thank you Marcus for sitting through this.

I know you would. Thank you for your visit. I was like you never visited anybody that said that to you?

I love it. Not like that. But I'm going to say that to everyone who leaves my home next next Christmas Eve. Yeah.

Any guest we have in the pod lab before they leave, I'm going to say thank you for your visit.

So just know that. So hopefully all future guests listen to this one episode that is about Twilight for some reason

so they know. We'll point you to it. So they leave and as they leave a big giant tour group full of men, women, and children are coming into that room and Bella's like, "What the fuck?" And Edward's like, "You should probably look this way." And as the doors close, you hear them all screaming

because they didn't get to kill they didn't get to kill Edward. They didn't get to kill Bella. So that's like [ __ ]

Yeah. So they they went nuts on those men, women, and children. It's pretty gnarly. Uh we see back home at Bella's house, she's, you know, in bed talking to Edward. It's a whole

She should never be allowed in her house again after leaving her in the middle of the woods and requiring a search party.

He's not. He says he's not. Okay, that's good. He But Charlie does not know he's there.

Okay, wonderful. Yeah, cuz they have a whole discussion about how he's sorry and he failed her and he'll never do it again and blah blah blah blah. the whole thing.

How are you going to explain that back together? And then Charlie comes in and I said, "I'm here."

And Charlie's like, "Hey, don't [ __ ] do that to me ever again." And she's like, "I won't." And he's like, "No, seriously, don't." And then before he leaves, he goes,

"And you're grounded for the rest of your life." And I was like, "Honestly, so valid. Proper parenting."

Proper parenting. Absolutely. And next to him on the wall next to the door is a painting of wolves.

Oh. And it's very much in the shot in Bella's room. Yeah. Oh, there's a painting of Wolf. I noticed that this time.

And this is when Edward says like it's going to take a long time for him to forgive me. And he's like, "Yeah." And he's like, "Well, I'm not breaking all like I'm not breaking his rules because he said I can't step foot through the front door." And he's like, and I came in through the window.

That's a loophole. Which I was like, you're a [ __ ] nightmare. You're every parent's nightmare.

Yes. You didn't say I couldn't come in the window. That was [ __ ] implied. You dumb [ __ ]

You better put it in writing when you ban somebody from this house in writing. You're not coming through the front door, back door, side door, window, skylight.

You're not burrowing underground. You're not No way. You can't be in this house by any means.

Any means. And you can't be on the property inside. I was like, you're a [ __ ] nightmare.

You can't even be on my street. What the [ __ ] I don't even care if you live here. You're evicted

from my street. And he literally says at some point to her because they're talking again about, oh, they're in the car and she's like, "We should wait until after graduation because I will be chiller for Charlie if he turn me after we graduate and blah blah blah."

And he's like, at one point he says, "We can figure out something to tell the Vuri like like I'm not." And I was like, "You're annoying." Like you're annoying now. And and honestly, I was with her on this because she's like, "You're dumb." And so they go to Edward's house and she's like, "I no like I want to take a vote. I want all your family to take a vote if they think I should be turned."

And at one point he says something and she literally turns around to him and she goes, "Shut up." And I was like, "Oh, you're ready to be a couple." I was like, "You're ready for lifelong partnership."

You absolutely are because there will be moments for the rest of your life where you turn around and say, And so she's like, "Take a vote." So, you know, Alice is like, "I already consider you a sister." My votes yes. Jasper says, "It would be super sick to not want to kill you all the time." Valid. Rosalie, she votes no. And she gives a very like I think her hers hits so hard

and especially cuz we'll find out more about her backstory next in the next movie. And she says, "This is not the life I would have chosen for myself." Which I was like, EMTT because he's right next to her. And she says, "And I wish someone had been there to vote no for me."

Yeah. Which is I'm like, "She cares about you." That's the thing actually proves in that moment that she does care about

she would have just said, "Yeah, sure." Like, who gives a [ __ ] I thought it was so poignant. Like I think that's such a good you you literally sit there and you're like, "Fuck yeah, Ros,

you're a girl. That's a girl. Like that's a girl's girl right there. I need you to remember that in the book Edward Breaks a TV about this. Oh my god, I didn't remember that at all. He breaks a TV after the vote. Um, in the frequently asked questions from New Moon on Stephanie Meyer's site, it says, "What did Edward break in the living room after the vote?" Edward ripped in h into halves a 60in plasma TV that the Cullins had shipped in from Korea because it's not available in the States yet. EMTT was a bit annoyed. What a little bit.

Can you imagine? I'd be like, "So, who's your wife?" Yeah. Who's your lifelong partner?

Yeah. What? Like, what's going on? Well, you're you're ripping a Korean TV and you're ripping a Korean TV.

Yeah. Like, because I You have to change me. That's dumb as hell. And also, like, what are we voting for? The Vuri already. He's lit. Him and Rosalie are the only standouts, too, cuz Emtt's after Rosalie says that very poignant, very like,

you know, that should give you a moment. He's like, he's like, "Fuck yeah." And he's just like, "Hell yeah."

And see that those are the moments when you turn around and you go, "Shut up. Shut up." And Esme says, "I've always considered you part of the family anyways." And Carl says, "This is really the only way." Like he's like the goal, but he's like, "The Vuri is going to make this a problem. Like we just have to do it."

So cuz like the Vuri will kill your whole family. Yeah. It's like just [ __ ] do it. It's not It's just not that deep. Like it's really not. She wants to be a vampire. Let her be a vampire. That's the thing. Like it's the consent is there.

Yeah. She wants it. I'd be like, "Why don't you want to hang out with me for eternity?"

Exactly. My problem. Um but they get back in the car. He's not pleased. Um Jacob ends up standing in front of the car shirtless and directing them into the woods. So they go in there.

Um they love to be directed into the woods. They love being directed into the woods. Jacob is literally like, "I'm not letting you do this." And she's like, "Yeah, you don't have a choice. It's it's my choice." But little does she know. And he's like he's like, "Okay, [ __ ]

I call treaty." And he was like, "Um, the treaty says that you can't bite a human." So,

or else like all bets are off. And he's Yeah. And he's like like there will be no peace between vampires. And

like treaty will be off. Like that's it. Well, and then and he's like and all he says to her like, "If this happens, I'm not like I'm not responsible for what happens after cuz like

cuz you'll be a vampire. It's just the way it is. felt like I will have to be your enemy essentially.

Yeah. And it's like a really rough scene. You feel really bad. And at one point like him and Edward go toe-to-toe and like he changes into a wolf. It's like a whole thing. And it kind of ends there with you know I I think is this where Edward he asks her to marry him? That is this where Edward though at first he says like we're going to find a way around this.

Oh he asks her he's like how about 5 years give me 5 years and she's like no like this would annoy at this point I'd be like you got to shut the [ __ ] up and

I know he's really annoying about it. Put up or shut up. Let Alice do it. Yeah.

Let anybody else do it. Let Carile do it. Yeah. He'd be so careful. He seems fine about it. He's pretty good at it. He's done it a few times. Yeah.

And uh she has to negotiate and he's like you're really stubborn. And then he's like, "Okay, I'll do it, but on one condition.

Marry me." And then he says, "Marry me, Bella." He proposes in a Volvo while they're driving.

Not the proposal of my dreams. I don't even think Were they even in the car yet? I think they were still in the woods. Oh my god. Are they still on the side of the road?

They're still in the side of the road. In the woods. And he doesn't even get down on one knee, does he?

It was right after Jacob left like in tears. Oh. And he's like, "This seems like a good time."

No, he doesn't get down on one knee, I don't think. No ring. It's It's a real amidst chaos. It's a real uh a real move. But you know, that sent Bella into orbit.

Yeah, she she's excited. Well, so are we. So are we because Eclipse is a whole other I really like Eclipse.

Eclipse is like so much [ __ ] happening. Eclipse, honestly, the next three movies. Is it three? Three movies. Yeah, cuz Breaking Down is broken into two.

The next three movies I remember being so much fun. Yeah, cuz I think New Moon for me like bummer was kind of like it dipped for me and I was like

Eclipse comes back because Eclipse brings it back. There's like uh there's like a a war basically being

Yeah. You start like seeing other pieces, the puzzle and and remember the love triangle gets way more intense.

And remember, Victoria is still in these streets. She is still in these streets.

We didn't get rid of her. No, we did not. So, so get ready for that. We hope you keep listening

and we hope you keep it vampy. Oh, no. I went crazy. You went nuts. You could keep it vampy. Werewolfy. Sparkly.

Yeah. Sparkly. Sparkly and weird. Heat. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "New Moon: Bonus Episode"?

Ash (Host), Elena (Host).

What is "New Moon: Bonus Episode" about?

The discussion centers on the 2009 film "New Moon," exploring its quick production timeline, changes in direction from Catherine Hardwicke to Chris Weitz, and the notable soundtrack which includes prominent artists like Death Cab for Cutie and Thom Yorke, highlighting varying opinions on its musical appeal. The hosts express enthusiasm for both the content and fandom surrounding the film,…

What is mentioned in this Morbid | Podcast episode?

18 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including New Moon, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Jacob Black, Stephanie Meyer, The Volturi. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "New Moon: Bonus Episode"?

The episode runs 2 h 39 min; the transcript is about 32,777 words in 990 timestamped sections.

More from Morbid | Podcast

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 31, 2026.