Transcript

SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays

From Table Read Tuesdays · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 2 h 5 min · 16,707 words · 96 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays", an episode of Table Read Tuesdays published July 3, 2024 (2 h 5 min, about 16,707 words). It mentions 13 people, works and ideas, including Spaceballs, Lone Star, Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa, Druidia.

What this episode is about

The content revolves around a table read of the classic 1986 film "Spaceballs" by Mel Brooks, where participants introduce themselves, share their roles, and discuss last-minute casting changes. The session features cold readings of the script and highlights the excitement and camaraderie of the cast members as they engage in a beloved comedic classic.

Key takeaways

  • A cold reading for a classic like 'Spaceballs'—hilarity ensues, even without costume changes.
  • The contrast between veteran fans and newcomers adds an element of surprise to nostalgic banter.
  • In 1986, parody as an art form was born; today, memes are merely its pixelated descendants.
  • Casting for satire: when roles align, even minor characters steal scenes—the essence of comedy.
  • Mel Brooks: the mastermind who showed us that even galaxies far, far away need a good laugh!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: Dark Helmet, Druidia, Princess Vespa, Jerry "the delicious dish" Roland
  2. – 30:00: Lone Star, Princess Vespa, Jerry "the delicious dish" Roland, Eagle 5
  3. – 45:00: Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa, Spaceball City, President Scro
  4. – 1:00:00: Eagle 5, Lone Star, Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa
  5. – 1:15:00: Lone Star, Eagle 5, Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa
  6. – 1:30:00: Lone Star, Dark Helmet, Druidia
  7. – 1:45:00: Lone Star
  8. – 2:00:00: Dark Helmet, Lone Star
  9. – 2:04:43: Dark Helmet, Lone Star

Notable quotes from "SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays"

  • But it's not showing as live for me yet okay oh wait now it's up all right awesome well Welcome to our reading of Space Balls classic 1986 film by Mill Brooks so excited for…
    about Spaceballs · at
  • Hangs up the phone and from the passageway behind the black carbonate sliding door we hear Make Way for Dark Helmet Make Way for Dark Helmet the ominous music booms forth Sanders presses the button and speaks quietly into a built-in console.
    about Dark Helmet · at
  • Thing he coughs a couple of times we're approaching Planet jica sir good I'll call Spaceball City and inform president scou immediately I've already called him sir he knows everything you told the president before.
    about Spaceball City · at
  • Rotating inside a huge plexiglass airshield it is planet druidia there it is planet druidia and inside its huge unbreakable air Shield the Thousand Years of fresh air 10,000 years of fresh air super soon to be ours back to.
    about Druidia · at
  • Night the words somewhere is written across the Starfield cut to the exterior of Lone Star spaceship the eagle five it's a Delta winged battered Winnebago type flying camper…
    about Lone Star · at
  • Mustache and eyebrows now live from the elliptical office in Spaceball City president scre is about to deliver a special address but first here on the Goodwill tour from planet…
    about President Scro · at
  • On the telescreen we see a distraught face of King Roland Lone Star you caught to help me please save my daughter from Space Balls forget it too dangerous please bring her back to me you're you're all the you're the only one who.
    about Jerry "the delicious dish" Roland · at
  • Them how dare you speak to me that way you will address me with the proper respect I happen to be princess vesa daughter of Roland King of The Druids cut to the interior of…
    about Princess Vespa · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Lone Star — Person · Fictional character (read/performed role in table read) · 36 mentions · first at
    Central protagonist/hero of Spaceballs; drives major plot beats in the excerpt (rescuing the princess, evading Spaceball One).
  • Dark Helmet — Person · Fictional character (read/performed role in table read) · 25 mentions · first at
    Primary antagonist in the Spaceballs script; repeatedly referenced and performed during the live table read.
  • Princess Vespa — Person · Fictional character (read/performed role in table read) · 12 mentions · first at
    Key plot driver: her wedding escape triggers the chase; she’s the hostage target and later part of the hero group in the desert.
  • Jerry "the delicious dish" Roland — Person · Fictional character (read/performed role in table read) · 6 mentions · first at
    Princess’s father and ruler of Druidia; hires Lone Star to rescue her and is central to the hostage leverage plot.
  • President Scro — Person · Fictional character (read/performed role in table read) · 2 mentions · first at
    Political leader of Planet Spaceball; shown giving a public address and coordinating with command to capture the princess.
  • Ronnie Graham — Person · Referenced creator (screenwriter credit in script header) · 1 mention · first at
    Named in the script’s writing credits as a co-writer; not otherwise discussed in the excerpt.
    That good okay all right so we'll back up here to our title page of Space Balls written by Mel Brooks Thomas Mian and Ronnie Graham script dated March 24th 1986 we fade in on a black screen on which the following Legend appears Once.
  • Thomas Mian — Person · Referenced creator (screenwriter credit in script header) · 1 mention · first at
    Named in the script’s writing credits as a co-writer; not otherwise discussed in the excerpt.
    That good okay all right so we'll back up here to our title page of Space Balls written by Mel Brooks Thomas Mian and Ronnie Graham script dated March 24th 1986 we fade in on a black screen on which the following Legend appears Once.

Books & papers

  • Spaceballs — Book · Primary recommendation · 2 mentions
    The main subject of the podcast, a classic 1986 film by Mel Brooks being read and discussed.

Products & tech

  • Eagle 5 — Product · Case study · 18 mentions · first at
    A key vehicle in the Spaceballs narrative, described as a Delta-winged battered Winnebago type flying camper.
    Night the words somewhere is written across the Starfield cut to the exterior of Lone Star spaceship the eagle five it's a Delta winged battered Winnebago type flying camper…

Places & events

  • Druidia — Place · Setting · 4 mentions · first at
    A planet in the Spaceballs universe, home to Princess Vespa and the target of the Spaceballs' plot.
  • Spaceball City — Place · Headquarters · 4 mentions · first at
    The capital city of the Spaceballs, where President Skroob resides.

Media & podcasts

  • The Nutcracker Suite — Media · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at
    Referenced in a humorous context when Dark Helmet threatens to use it as a punishment.
    Think that hurts the next time you screw up it's the nut cracker sweet a beat then we hear the ominous tato version of Dance of the flute from The Nutcracker Suite Dark Helmet turns a Sanders yes sir I don't see planet druidia where is.
  • Duran Duran — Media · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the music Princess Vespa is listening to on her Walkman.
    Revealing that they're headphones from a to a fancy Walkman music is blurring out of them what never mind what are you listening to Jan Duran Duran Duran they're all wonderful…

Full transcript with timestamps

Vicky tells me if we're live or not but it's not showing as live for me yet okay oh wait now it's up all right awesome well Welcome to our reading of Space Balls classic 1986 film by Mill Brooks uh so excited for this one it's one of my absolute favorites really fun to watch and we'll go we'll just jump right into we I do some last minute casting changes so bear with us a lot of us are cold reading our parts this evening although with this kind of movie it doesn't necessarily make a lot of difference anyways we'll go through with our um introductions um and we will start with names pronouns where you're at uh what parts you're reading and um where people can find you on social media um I will start with Jackson since I can see you in my top left Corner um hi I'm Jackson gray find me on anything my pronouns are any whatever you prefer I live in central Alberta yeah and then I think that's

most of the stuff oh I'm playing um barf King Roland and why I forget his name now I Sanders there we go someone got it for me okay okay thank you yes that's me all right um Jen hi I'm Jen I use she her pronouns um I am in New Jersey and I am playing princess vesa scr laser Gunner yogurt uh a couple other uh folks as well okay and anyone anywhere people can find on social media or you're just kind of anonymous out there I I'm in the Facebook group the Facebook group all right and see Tori hello my name is Tori I'll be reading for Dark Helmet ziron Vinnie some actions and directions kind of here and there I am in South Carolina pronouns are she her and you can find me I have a Tik Tok that I do a lot of uh bookish nerd things on so if you want to follow me there it's at lorri pacus l o r i p a y s t s hi aome um Aubrey are you back there in the background yet she might be taking a quick little

break should have waited for her to start U we waiting for Aubrey I'll go ahead and introduce myself I'm cat Wilson your host this evening and in addition I use she her pronouns I live in Gig Harbor Washington um tonight my main character is Dot and I'll be doing some of the actions in descriptions and several of the minor characters uh guards weddings [ __ ] Scotty and a cross-side lieutenant at least for the first half we might only get through the first half of the show this evening because it's a pretty long one um and what I'm not reading here at table read Tuesdays you can also find me directing some Shakespeare shows on select Saturdays of the month with two households in Fair Corona and I also have my own small little YouTube channel just Shakespeare with cat we're going talk about some of the background of some of the plays that we read um Aubrey are you here nope not yet all right so we'll give her a few

minutes to get back um so while we're waiting for Aubrey um how many of you have seen this movie before Tori has Jen has I have Jackson has not so we have a um this be interesting to see your commentary at the end when we get to the uh to the back I think he says he's seen some scenes from here but every time you guys choose a movie I've never seen it or haven't seen it in like forever like which is this time we picked pretty much all good Classics so I think there's been there's been one movie I think I've watched oh which one is that four Avengers okay yes a bit more modern so granted granted this one is somewhat before your time being back in 1986 so would you like to introduce yourself when you got a chance oh hello my name is Aubrey McCoy I playing the part of lar and various other other uh people my pronouns are whatever whatever's good for you is good for me uh and um yeah and I'm from

Northern California all right anywhere people can find you on social media or oh yes you can find me on Luan theair on Instagram Auburn mccoin Facebook uh and on Spotify you can find my album unexpected journey by Aubrey McCoy awesome all right I need to get a chance to take a look at that all right so we're going to go aead and share our screen here with our script um soon as where I stuck it um we'll take a look here and should be on one of these Pages here there it is all right 11 and it looks probably little small um see make it one more section larger well this one's not actually making it usually oh here let's try that um set two big there let's see or is that just I move this we should be fine I can make it one smaller is that better or you like it first no that's fine I mean what about everybody else is that good okay all right so we'll back up here to our title page of Space Balls written by

Mel Brooks Thomas Mian and Ronnie Graham um script dated March 24th 1986 we fade in on a black screen on which the following Legend appears Once Upon a Time Warp deep in outer space far beyond the known universe at the rear end of the Ford Galaxy there lived a ruthless race of men known as music powerful opening theme and the word Space Balls looms up on the screen in enormous block letters and then slowly recedes in the distance we cut to the exterior of a Starfield for a moment everything is quiet then a low Rumble emanates from somewhere in the Starfield above us at the top of the screen the nose of a giant Spaceball star Cruiser appears music the baseball theme big and menacing enter the bad guys the body of the huge ship fills the screen slowly majestically it passes overhead section after section it continues to make its way through the frame and continues and continues and continues until we begin

to realize that this is the biggest longest spaceship ever seen in any movie finally finally we come to the tale of the MonsterCraft there beneath six colossal Jets on the right side of the lower bumper is a 100 yard sticker that reads we break for nobody as a ship disappears into the Stars the following Legend comes up a slant on the screen allaha Star Wars style and slowly recedes in triangular fashion into the distance chapter 11 the Space Balls grow desperate the evil leaders of Planet space ball having foolishly squandered their precious atmosphere have devised a secret plan plan to take every breath of air away from their unsuspecting peaceloving neighbor planet druidia today princess vesa of planet druidia is to be married unbeknown to the princess but knowns to us a Spaceball Cruiser approaches Planet Ria to capture the princess as she leaves on her honeymoon as a legend above Fades into

the Starfield another sentence appears it says if you can read this you don't need glasses cut two the interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area Colonel Sanders is at the command rail flanked by two Spaceball lieutenants a laser Gunner his back to us is hunched over the Gun Site behind Sanders are two space ball guards positioned on either side of a black Carbonite sliding door the rest of the space ball crate was busy at various control stations Cel Sanders we're approaching planet judia good I'll notify his evil presence immediately Sanders picks up a futuristic phone and presses two buttons on it sir we have planic J Juda in sight Sanders hangs up the phone and turns to the crew he'll be right down give me the rear of the [ __ ] the lieutenant presses three buttons and hands a phone to Sanders here you are sir this is Cornell Sanders in for uh in forward Con in forward command Planet Jia is in sight are the

attached Vehicles ready what do you mean the gears are frozen oh yeah I forgot it's winter back there all right well do your best he hangs up the phone and from the passageway behind the black carbonate sliding door we hear Make Way for Dark Helmet Make Way for Dark Helmet the ominous music booms forth Sanders presses the button and speaks quietly into a built-in console microphone H ominous music ominous music fills the room Colonel Sanders and the entire Spaceball crew come to attention they all look fearfully toward the sliding door we cut to a closeup of the sliding door it slides open with a great sound of release pressure revealed in the dark way doorway is Dark Helmet a black shiny Helmet 4 and A2 feet high protruding from the bottom of it are two little feet wearing black boots from inside the helmet we hear the sound of heavy wheezing a low hum and Dark Helmet comes toward us on a moving command ramp his

breathing grows louder as he approaches the music continues we cut to close-ups of the Spaceball Crews faces they look terrified justifiably so as we will later discover back to scene dark helmet's moving ramp comes to a stop at the command rail music out Dark Helmet wheezes heavily four more times inside his helmet half a beat his hand appears reaches up and rips off his frighteningly black visor mask revealing the angry sweaty little face of Dark Helmet can't breathe in this goddamn thing he coughs a couple of times we're approaching Planet jica sir good I'll call Spaceball City and inform president scou immediately uh I've already called him sir he knows everything you told the president before you told me yeah yes sir are you saying that you went over my head well I um uh nobody goes over my head Dark Helmet pulls down his black visor the Spaceball crew fearing his wrath all move away leaving the radio

operator standing alone sorry Lord Helmet it won't happen again I promise you I I don't quietly taken a black onx ring with a gold s on it out of his pocket and places it on his right middle finger the radio operator looks at what he's doing in horror no no no no not that not that yes that Dark Helmet extends a hand with a ring on it toward the radio operator's crotch we hear a low unearthly thrum sound Dark Helmet turns his extended fingers in a twisting motion and a thin pulsating green beam of light emanates from his ring and hits the radio operator squarely in the crotch the radio operator immediately grabs himself rice in pain and cries out Dark Helmet flips up his visor you think that hurts the next time you screw up it's the nut cracker sweet a beat then we hear the ominous tato version of Dance of the flute from The Nutcracker Suite Dark Helmet turns a Sanders Sanders yes sir I don't see planet druidia where is

it we don't have visual contact yet sir but we have it on our radar screens I'll punch it up for you never mind never mind I'll do it myself he takes two quick steps to a section of the command console reaches up and pushes several buttons on it suddenly we hear a sys of beeps and a few lights begin to flash a strange buing sound emanates from it what matter with this thing what's all that churning and bubbling you call this a radar screen no sir we call it the Mr Coffee as he steps away we see what it really is a futuristic coffee machine dripping coffee into a raadar pot this is our rers uh Raider screen up here I knew that of course you did Sir Lord Helmet stool a foot stool is brought to Dark Helmet he steps on it and now we can and can now reach the real radar screen just above the screen we see the words Mr radar Dark Helmet pushes a few buttons immediately the screen projects a green

blip that grows in size and sound which each revolution of the scanner switch to Tel viw we cut to a closeup of the radar screen and it switches from a radar screen to a television screen instantly the green blip becomes a beautiful planet with blue skies and fluffy white clouds rotating inside a huge plexiglass airshield it is planet druidia there it is planet druidia and inside its huge unbreakable air Shield the Thousand Years of fresh air 10,000 years of fresh air super soon to be ours back to scene once we capture the princess we will force her father King ret to give us the secrets secret culmination to the air Shields finish with your bald Exposition Colonel yes sir okay let me get back to mine what time is the princess getting married within an hour sir he may not be there for the weddding but we won't miss the honeymoon cut to the exterior Crystal Cathedral front lawn day over the

entrance of the cathedral we see the words first temple of The Druids on the lawn in front of the church is a sign reading today Planet Daria's Royal Wedding princess vesa to Prince Valium on a launching pad next to the entrance of the cathedral we see princess desa's honeymoon Coupe a two passenger spaceship with a Mercedes emblem Ador adorning its futuristic Hood the license plate reads princess one a big recently wed has been gold lettered on the side of the craft a small ramp leads up to the coup's entrance drti and Royal footman are putting the princess's extensive matched Luggage in the trunk we cut to the interior of princess besus bedroom day Dorothy do Matrix a female Droid of human proportions wearing a Droid of Honor outfit is doing last minute touches on the lace veil of the princess's Exquisite wedding gown princess vesa is ravishingly beautiful young and spoiled she stands in front of

a mirror as dot fusses over her I can't marry him dot I don't love him I've tried and I've tried but I just don't what will I do listen my darling I'm the Droid of Honor I know everything you are princess you have to marry a prince unfortunately Prince valume is the last prince in the galaxy take my advice and do what every princess does shut your eyes grit your teeth say I do and cheat on them why did I have to be born a princess why couldn't I have been born a peasant an incredibly wealthy peasant then I'd be free to marry the man of my dreams the man of your dreams you know him you've seen him no I haven't met him yet but he's got to be out there somewhere she gazes longingly out the window and up toward the sky we wipe to an exterior Starfield night the words somewhere is written across the Starfield cut to the exterior of Lone Star spaceship the eagle five it's a Delta winged battered Winnebago

type flying camper covered with a Mt of space dust on its side someone has finger written please wash me on the cockpit door are the words Eagle five and a large painted Eagle Insignia under the Screaming Eagle clutching dollar bills in each claw other words Captain Lone Star as the ship passes we see a tourist sticker on his tail which reads I love Uranus cut to the interior of Eagle 5 the cockpit is empty we see a light blinking on and off which reads automatic pilot it's accompanied by a low intermittent beeping sound as the camera drifts through the interior of the wi you begin to hear the sound of light snoring the Winnebago is revealed to be a disheveled bachelor pad clothes strewn everywhere laundry hanging up on a line to dry sink full of dirty dishes the camera has drifted to a bunk bed in the rear of the eagle 5 in the lower bunk we see an enormous pile of empty beer cans at the bottom of which a pair of men's

feet are sticking out as a camera approaches the snoring grows louder we hear a strange brushing sound this becomes a Fugue of three distinct sounds beep snore swish swish beep snore swish swish the strange fug accelerates in Temple then the swish swish sound is repeated by a large froy Garling sound the snoring immediately stops and from under the mound of beer cans a handsome unkempt head slowly emerges it is our hero Lone Star he has a two-day growth of beard and is clearly hung over the sound of gargling grows louder Lone Star struggles out of the bunk and as he gets to his feet the empty beer can scatter helter shelter Skelter to the floor he's obviously fallen asleep in his clothes a space version of a cowboy outfit lonar walks toward the sound pushes open the slightly adjar door of this winnebago's mini bathroom and thereby Reveals His sidekick barf barf is a large hairy creature half human half golden

retriever with a tufted lionlike tail what the hell are you doing barf throws his head back and makes two more throaty gargling sounds he turns around barf is holding a large family-sized bottle of scope I'm I'm gargling barf chugal lugs the entire bottle of scope as Lone Star watches in disbelief what are you going to have for dessert a tube of Crest anybody ever tell you you're not supposed to drink that stuff bar finishes the scope pounds his chest and lets out a big satisfied belch hey what do you want me uh for uh what do you want from me I'm an animal okay breakfast hand me the barf bag will you Lone Star pulls a large canvas sack upon it which is written in large block letters barf with this stain he hands it to barf let's see what I got hey we're in luck we we're uh we've still got some spaghetti and chocolate pudding he pulls out one hand full of spaghetti and one of the chocolate

puddings and he begins eating from his hands m the these good these good these go good together want some not the moment oh or ever where did I get this hangover Park lifts the last remains Off With His Hands do you not remember they gave you free drinks when you pay uh when you play Blackjack on Vega is that especially if you're a big loser using his tail as a napkin barf delicately wipes his face oh how much did I lose how how much did you have with you I lost it all hell little more you signed some markers markers yeah you know little you owe them about 100,00 worth oh no well maybe we'll get lucky and I'll never find us beep beep beep lar pushes a button on the control panel immediately a large television screen above the windshield lights up on it we see the stainless steel face of a gangster droid named Vinnie he's smoking a lighted aluminum cigarette hello Lone Star are they found us hello Vinnie what do

you want it's not what I want it's what the fat man wants the fat man yeah the fat man I'm calling for Pizza The Hut we hear a scary cord as Lone Star and barf give each other nervous looks tell him he'll have his his 100,000 my next week a 100,000 pal you got it a little wrong when you borrow from Mr Hut you got to add a certain amount of Interest compounded hourly plus late charges that comes to we hear the cck click click cck clicking of a high-speed calculator coming from somewhere in his head at the same time like a white tongue a roll of digital printout paper emerges from his mouth it is like a receipt coming out of the top of a cash register EX exactly he rips it off and reads one million space bucks a million for next week no by this week or else or else or else Pizza is gonna send out for you we hear a menacing rendition of The Godfather theme as Vinnie's face Fades from the screen Lone Star and barf

exchanged looks we cut to the interior of Crystal Cathedral day the huge glass cathedral is filled with the wedding guests waiting for the ceremony to begin standing at the altar behind which is a large Crystal Starburst symbol of the druid's religion is Prince Valium we see him from the back he is a blonde page boy hairdo as does everyone in his family all of whom are sitting in the front row the organist begins playing The Wedding March from L henen cut to another angle princess vesa and King Roland they stand at the head of the aisle several flower girls go down at strewing flowers the princess and King Roland start down the aisle dot holding the wedding train Glides behind them on her roller feet they take four steps suddenly the princess stops midst step the organist looks confused and stops playing the guest looks puzzly back over their shoulders daddy must I go through with them do I have to marry him I'm sorry my dear

but you have to they resume walking in the organist resumes playing they take four more steps and again the princess stops and does the music but Daddy I don't love him of course you don't nobody loves Prince valan he's a pill cut to a closeup of Prince Valium he turns his head toward the approaching princess and with sleepy half closed eyes begin to give her a big sappy smile which turns into a huge yon we cut to the princess's POV the camera tracks slowly down the aisle the minister is standing at the altar he's a pleasant bald-headed man wearing rimless Pentacles and a high priest space robe with Joan Crawford shoulders Prince Valium stands just below him we cut to a closeup of Princess vesa's face face it tells us everything we cut to another angle princess vesa and King Roland as they approach the altar the Music Stops the king steps aside and Princess vesa continues walking down the

aisle to the altar with DOT carefully holding her train above the ground the minister begins a ceremony even before the princesses come to a stop dearly beloved we are gathered here together on this joyous occasion to witness he watches in disbelief as the princess continues to walk and goes right past Prince Valium and the altar suddenly she breaks into a run dot still holding her train is now being pulled on her rollers like a water skier the minister turns in dismay dismay as he continues speaking princess vper going right past the altar running out the back door leaving all of us dumbfounded especially poor Prince volume standing there grinning like an idiot amen a men stop stop her someone stop her we cut to the exterior the cathedral day the princess with Dot and toe is running toward the honeymoon Coupe they go flying up the ramp that leads up to the cp's open door wait a minute didn't

we forget somebody as soon as they enter the honeymoon coupe the ramp comes up and closes like a door of a plane there are shouts from the wedding guests as the engine starts and twin bursts of flame and white smoke emanate from the rear of the coupe come back stop stop stop the coup slowly tilts heavenwood into its launching pad we cut to another angle the wedding guests led by King Roland Prince Valium his family and the minister are all running toward the honeymoon coupe with a tremendous deafening Roar it Rockets straight up and the camera moves in toward a small group of people surrounding Prince Valium King Roland is beside him the prince looks up in the sky and sees a honeymoon C disappearing V I love you come babe he yawns King Roland the yawn shakes him into reality ah and on to the next line this never happened to me before I'm not sure I know what to feel how about you feel humiliated make cut to our next

narrator all right uh exterior Starfield looking down from the Starfield we see planet Jia enclosed in a transparent air Shield outside of it is space black in the distance approaching the air shield from within is the honeymoon Coupe cut to close close up air Shield a small section of it slides open with a hiss to allow the honeymoon Coupe to exit into space after the coupe goes through it slides shut again cut to Long Shot honeymoon Coupe a bright dot in the sky making its way through the heavens C two new angle Starfield the bow of the Spaceball star Cruiser is coming into frame as the cruiser moves majestically through the Dark Void tracking the honeymoon honeymoon cop C to Interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area Colonel Sanders is looking at the telescreen he turns to the radio speaker the princess has just passed through the air Shield notify uh president's scoop in Spaceball City Hey sir could somebody else notify

him oh yes I forgot we let Lord Helmet tell him thank you sir cut two exterior Spaceball City day camera moves in on Spaceball City it consists of different Siz pingpong ball-like white globular buildings looming above the rocky mon uh moonscape terrain the city resembles a moleular the city resembles a molecular model of DNA gone wrong camera slowly moves in on one of the ping paaw ball buildings cut to Interior President scr's Office day medium shot President scre at his desk president scre is a handsome funnyl looking fellow in his nearly 50s with stainless steel hair mustache and eyebrows now live from the elliptical office in Spaceball City president scre is about to deliver a special address but first here on the Goodwill tour from planet [ __ ] the voices of the world famous [ __ ] blabac choir singing Hail to the Chief camera pulls back to reveal the [ __ ] blabber knle Choir they're all wearing

ludicrously over sized robes the leader steps out and conducts them got to closeup president scr he Wines in pain at their sensationally wrong rendition of the song Back to scene after the choir finishes president scre throws them a disgusted look and begins his address camera slowly moves into tight shot of sco my fellow Space Balls I here to assure you that there is absolutely no truth to the vicious rumor that our beloved Planet space ball is running out of air you dips down and secretively sucks air through a straw from a green can labeled Perry a as scre continues projected on a screen behind him we see a planet covered with Forest rivers and lakes across the bottom it reads then the stupid old days as the speech goes on it disappears and is replaced by a planet that is covered with highways shopping malls parking lots and a noxious yellow L layer of smog shopping malls have names like scre Mart and scr

City and scr Haven Mall Etc across the bottom it reads now the Glorious noways moreover it is foolish to assume that just because this president had the hotspot to level the forests in drain the rivers that this could in any way affect our natural environment all the contrary there is no air shortage problem whatsoever and we are working day and night to solve it I thank you let them figure that one out and [ __ ] start singing again the lights dim the TV stage manager steps in wearing headphones we're off the air Mr President we are they get these goddamn morons out of here two big muscular Spaceball Troopers hurry in and quickly her off the bewildered morons duh we were supposed to sing duh whiff and poof song out OU out [ __ ] chair the [ __ ] choir is H it off president scro's interior office telescreen lights up we see a beautiful young baseball female in military uniform she is uh commanderette

ziron this is central control Spaceball com commanderette ziron speaking sir she gives the Spaceball presidential salute it is the traditional Italian bongol gesture only the clenched fishes the clenched fist is changed to an open hand Palm forward the left hand hits the right bicep with a smart slap WAP screw Returns the salute what is this commanderette Lord Helmet has just notified us that princess fesa is in sight and Spaceball one is closing in on her good we have both Ships coming up on the tadar sir if you wish to observe yes I'll be right there shall I have Scotty beam you down sir I don't know about this beaming stuff is it safe oh yes sir Scotty beamed me twice last night it was wonderful she looks offscreen as someone we assume a Scotty and gives him a warm smile okay I'll try it scr stands up and uh turns and steps onto a little circular platform next to his desk he opens the sliding door of a plexiglass

cylinder and goes inside cutu another angle we see commod ziron on the telescreen as she turns to Scotty who wears a space uniform of a bold uh Tartan material beam him down Scotty yes sir commanderette and thanks for last night all right do it do it got to closeup cylinder a ray of green light comes down from the top of the cylinder accompanied by a large by a huge electronic hum the light envelops gr he begins to disappear starting at the top of his head ending down at his feet in a few seconds he has completely vanished cut two interior Spaceball control center day it is a maze of radar screens panels lights Maps computer terminals mostly rented from the discount group or discount Prop Shops all over West Hollywood there are several Spaceball technicians seated at various consoles Zaron and Scotty and another technician stand beside a cylinder exactly like the one in scr's office for a moment it is empty a hum

the green ray of light s uh suffuses the cylinder and starts from the feet up scre is reconstituted perfectly except for one major thing his head is on backwards oh my God what happened to his head it's on backwards you space holes I'm sorry sir well do something this is terrible why did anybody ever tell me my ass was so big hold still sir we're going to to reverse the beam Scotty hits a lover a hum the green light comes down from the top of the cylinder and once again scr disappears from top to bottom Catu interior scr's office day scr inside the cylinder is reconstituted correctly he opens the door and emerges from the cylinder Zaron and spotty Zaron and Scotty are smiling from the telescreen are you all right Mr President fine fine no thanks to you we'll bring you back sir this time we'll get it right forget it I'll walk he goes to the door of his office opens it and Enter space ball control center which we

discover is right next door all the time cutu Interior Space Balls control center day scre enters where's the princess president scre everyone stands and salutes him right oh sorry right there sir on the left side of the screen a approaching Spaceball one at500 light leaks per minute camera passes to the talador it is a futuristic combination of a radar screen and a television the princess honeymoon Coupe is on the left side of the screen moving towards the Spaceball Cruiser on the right ah good closing in camera moves in to the picture on the tadar dissolve through two exterior face ah exterior Starfield the huge baseball Cruiser moves slowly through space on a course to intercept the honeymoon uh honeymoon coup C two interior honeymoon coupe the princess is at the controls she's removed her wedding V and her hairstyle two particularly large braided buns covering her ears reminds of us

another princess long ago in a galaxy far far away dot sits in a seat beside her congratulations you're the first woman in history to go on a honeymoon without getting married can you hear me do peers around into the princess's face take off that Walkman the princess realizes do is talking to her she removes the two huge buns from her ears revealing that they're headphones from a to a fancy Walkman music is blurring out of them what never mind what are you listening to Jan Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran they're all wonderful got too exterior star field the huge Spaceball Cruiser is now even closer to the honeymoon Coupe interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area princess vesa spaceship within firing range sir good let's get her attention fire a warning shot across her nose the laser Gunner fires Catu interior honeymoon coupe the ship rocks violently as gun flashes Light Up the Sky what's going on I I don't know I'll

take a look through the Star Roof do presses a button and the Star Roof slides back above her head her head turns 180° and Rises up through the roof like a per a periscope bang a laser beam whizzes by she mely reverses the processor and turns the cockpit what is it it's the biggest goddamn spaceship in the universe another laser explosion very nearby rocks the ship again bang and it hates us I don't have to put up with this I'm rich she reaches up uh sorry she reaches towards the dashboard and picks up a princess phone as another laser explosion flashes outside the window uh the wind screen what are you doing I'm going to call my father C exterior honeymoon Coupe another explosion really close this time rocks the honeymoon Coupe cutu interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area careful you fool I said across her nose not up [ __ ] the laser Gunner turns around he's totally cross-eyed oh I'm sorry sir I'm doing my

best who made that man a gunner crossy Lieutenant turns the Dark Helmet I did Sir he's my cousin bar shakes his head in disbelief who cast this picture C to Interior honeymoon CPE and hurry daddy hurry there are laser blasts all around us it's terrible cut to exterior Starfield we see Eagle five flying through space Catu interior Eagle 5 Lone Star and barf are in the cockpit on the telescreen we see a distraught face of King Roland Lone Star you caught to help me please save my daughter from Space Balls Space Balls forget it too dangerous please bring her back to me you're you're all the you're the only one who can do it I pay you anything do you hear me anything anything okay all right what'll do it for 1 million space bucks a million I said anything not a million this man is suffering from divided loyalties 1 million take it or leave it I'll take it I'll take it only find her save her you got it King we'll do your our

best barf clicks off the teles screen lonar turns to barf okay furball well let's go find our $1 million princess lar and barf give each other their thumbs up tally ho gesture lstar grabs the booster throttle and pushes it Forward cut to we cut to our next narrator I believe I'm not sure who that is cut two interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area Dark Helmet is speaking into a microphone Lord Helmet to princess vesa this is an imperious Spaceball Cruiser you are our prisoner cut your engines and surrender acknowledge at once with a smug self-satisfied look on his face Dark Helmet steps up on the command Podium and looks out the wind screen princess vesa the Lord Helmet up yours Dark Helmet falls off the podium close up on Sanders he is looking out the wind wind screen through binoculars she's trying to get away sir back to the scene Dark Helmet is picking himself up off the floor why that dirty little she won't get far

activate the light net music uhoh here comes the light net activate the light net the light oper sorry go ahead the light net operator is seated at a console which reads light nck control he extends his hands in front of him and thumbs two buttons light night activated cut to exterior Spaceball Cruiser four large glowing chromium balls are fired out of the nose of the cruiser whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh they each leave a thin Trail of Light behind them as they fly through the air and then explode one by one all around the honeymoon Coupe as each ball explodes it sends out lines of white light that quickly interweave with each other to form a light net which surrounds and entraps the honeymoon Coupe cut to the interior of the honeymoon coupe with Princess and dots point of view of the crisscrossing of the light lines back to scene what's happening we're not moving wrong we are moving backwards cut to the exterior of Eagle 5

Eagle 5 comes toward the camera at a high speed and we cut to the interior lone stars and Bar's point of view the honeymoon Coupe in trapped in the light net is being slowly reeled toward the mammoth open jaws of the giant Cruiser there's our Princess uh oh Space Balls they got her in the light net we better hurry okay moving in Full Throttle C to reverse two shot of barf and lonar barf grabs the twin throttles begins to move them forward and stops wait a minute why are we risking Our Lives for a runaway princess I know we need the money but listen we're not just doing this for the money we're doing this for a lot of money oh that's different I thought we were just doing it for the money we have to save her somehow we've got to sneak in there without being spotted Jam the radar good idea radar are about to be jammed he pulls down a small Periscope sights through it and pushes a button on

its handle firing on the word jammed cut to the ex exterior of space Ball's Cruiser we see a section of the top of the ship with its radar dish slowly revolving suddenly a canister comes hurdling toward it and explodes bang blading it with a dark wet thick go the radar dish slows down and stops turning cut to the interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area the radar operator takes his earphones off they're covered with dark wet thick Go sir uh I have a problem what is it the radar sir it seems to be jammed jammed raspberry there's only one man who dare give me the Rasberry Lone Star he's somewhere nearby we cut to the exterior of Starfield the light net carrying the honeymoon Coupe is now directly under the prow of Spaceball Cruiser it is completely hidden from the view of the Spaceball crew Eagle 5 silently Glides into frame and hovers above the trapped honeymoon CP in position magnet's on magnet on we're lined up in walked in

on the coupe a hatch door opens in the bottom of the eagle five and a transparent loose sight rope ladder drops down from it barf comes down the ladder and lands on the roof of the honeymoon CP Bo cut two the interior honeymoon Coupe what was that there's a knock on the roof never mind that what was that the Star Roof slides open and barf leans in hi princess and Dot both jump back who are you barf not in here please no that's my name what are you I'm a SMY half man half dog I'm My Own best friend he licks his own paw your father hired me uh captain lonar or hire captain lonar and me to save you come on well thank god let's go yes wait my luggage luggage there is no time for luggage I don't go anywhere without a lot of luggage barf looks at her in disbelief and we cut to exterior Starfield the princess and Dot are climbing up the BL side ladder toward Eagle 5 barf brings up the rear with the princess's luggage

the handle of one suitcase in his mouth a trunk on his back tote bags hanging from his shoulders two suitcases under each arm and finally a hat box gripped by his tail we cut to the interior of Eagle 5 rear quarters the princess and Dot are in a curtained off area at the back of the Winnebago they look around disdainfully at the chaotic mess barf is emerging through the hatch loaded down with luggage cut to the interior of Eagle 5 cockpit noise of barf banging luggage Lone Star hears it and turns around cut to cut to Lone star's point of view barf is emerging through the curtain Laden down with luggage back to se checking in what the hell is all that her highness luggage luggage what does she think this is a Princess Cruise she wouldn't go without it oh yeah huh now hear this the minute we get out of here the first thing we do is cut to the interior of Eagle 5 rear headquarters Lone Star is heard over the

intercom dump the Royal luggage now you hear this you will not touch that luggage and furthermore I want this pigy cleaned up I will not be w in such filth listen your spoiled highness on this ship I don't take orders I give them how dare you speak to me that way you will address me with the proper respect I happen to be princess vesa daughter of Roland King of The Druids cut to the interior of Eagle 5 cockpit I should have known a Jewish princess funny she doesn't look drw cut to the exterior Starfield Eagle 5 disengages itself and Glides away just as the Spaceball Cruiser's hanger doors open and the light net draws in the honeymoon Coupe as it disappears inside the hanger doors begin to close we cut to Interior Spaceball Cruiser forward launching area the do is now completely closed away from the door is a slightly raised command area on it are Dark Helmet Sanders and a few Spaceball tenants they are watching the light net

reeling in the honeymoon C coupe the still glowing light net emits a low-level humming sound light net off the light net disappears and the humming sound stops a squad of Spaceball Troopers come trotting in on the double they quickly surround the honeymoon Coupe their laser rifles at the ready their leader pulls down the door/ ramp of the coupe and prepares to enter hold it I'll handle this personally The Troop leader steps aside jaah Lord Helmet now we'll show her who's running this galaxy he slams down his visor mask and strides into the honeymoon Coupe breathing asmatic once off screen inside the honeymoon Coupe he talks through his visor mask so princess vesa you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball well you were wrong you are now our prisoner and you will be held hostage until such time as all the air from your planet is transferred to Planet Spaceball there is a moment of silence

Dark Helmet reemerges from the honeymoon coup she's not there did you check the I checked the toilet she's not there what happened we had her she was our prisoner where is she where did she go voice over from the

bridge radar operator I think it's still listed as a Judy oh Radars repaired sir and we're picking up the outline of a WN aago wi aago Lone Star my lifelong Nemesis NE Nees n adversary to the bridge we cut to the exterior Starfield we see the Winnebago getting further away cut to the interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area Dark Helmet and Sanders bustle in and go straight to the radar screen where is it 15 light leagues away and increasing speed not to worry sir we'll catch up to them in no time Sanders to flight command go to attack speed the noise level grows louder as the Spaceball Cruiser surges forward they'll be our they'll be ours in less than a minute doc helmet moans longingly sir oh Lone Star I can't wait to make him dead interior Eagle 5 cockpit area an enormous blip appears on Lone star's radar screen music a kind of radar like Jaws theme oh no here comes the bad yard blimp we got to get out of here and in a

hurry switch to hyper Jets hyper Jets we'll use up the rest of the fuel before we reach jera what would you like us use up first our fuel or our lives okay you're the captain buckle up back there we're going into hypers uh hyperactive cut two interior Eagle 5 rear headquarters the princess has taken off her wedding veil and is spraying the area with an aerosol can labeled Royal smell dot is putting old socks and assorted debris into a corner we're going into what never mind just sit down and buckle up who do you think you're talking to I'll have you know loud click she realizes Lone Star has clicked off the intercom never in my life have I hated anybody so much that I didn't even know he fastens her seat Bel we cut to the exterior rear of Eagle 5 on each side of Eagle 5 we see huge round tail lights which revolve out of sight revealing two big ugly but extraordin extraordinary powerful hyper Jets they rev up with a

menacing Rumble we cut to the interior of Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area the light net operator is at his console we're within the light net range sir very good activates on three yes sir cut to the exterior rear of Eagle 5 the hyper Jets erupt like two giant flame flame Wafers here we hear a huge Sonic Boom as Eagle 5 blasts off cut to the interior of Eagle 5 cockpit lone stars and barfs point of view through the wind screen the sky full of stars become Stripes of light as they whiz by cut to the interior of Eagle 5 rear headquarters the princess and Dot are buckled in holding on for dear life and looking at each other wide eyed like two kids on the first big dip of a roller coaster whoa cut to the exterior Starfield in less than a second Eagle 5 Rockets into the Starfield and disappears cut to the interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area one two late they're gone they must have hyper Jets on those

things after them catch them catch them yes sir prepare for or light speed no light speed is too slow we're going to have to go to Ludicrous Speed music sting in the background we hear the Spaceball crew murmuring to one another Ludicrous Speed Ludicrous Speed we've never gone that fast sir I don't know if the ship can take it what's the matter matter Colonel Sanders chicken Sanders stung gives Dark Helmet a look half ship for Ludicrous Speed fasten all seat belts everyone immediately fastens his seat belt seal all ex uh seal all exits and ex uh entrances and exits close all shops in the mall scare all animals in the Z give me that you [ __ ] wimp Sanders shakes his head knowing knowingly and fastens his seat belt now hear this sir haven't you better fasten your Ludicrous Speed Go music Spaceball theme driving ominous with a tremendous Roar the Spaceball Cruiser goes into Ludicrous Speed the

roar becomes a high-pitch scream during the fall following cut to a closeup of Cruiser control panel on the control panel above the wind screen camera moves to First panel a flashing green light reads light speed camera moves over to a second panel a flashing yellow light reads ridiculous speed camera moves over to the third panel a flashing red light reads Ludicrous Speed a warning claxon goes off and continues intermittently back to scene as the Spaceball Cruiser hits ludicrous speed it begins to vibrate violently the sounds of a higher and higher Sonic scream we cut two close-ups of crew members faces fast intercuts the entire Space Balls crew's faces are flattened by the GLE cut to a closeup of Dark Helmet Dark helmet's Helmet streams out behind him connected to his little body by black suspenders he is revealed in all his glory sorry in all his glory wearing an oldfashioned undershirt blue striped

boxer shorts and black socks with guarders cut to the interior Eagle five cockpit Lone Star and Bar's point of view Stripes of light continue to whiz by suddenly an ominous Roar from above and behind them fills the air cut to the opposite angle lonar and barf look up and back they quickly swivel their heads forward in time with the sound as it passes over them what the hell was that Spaceball one the noise of Spaceball one diminishes in the distance do you think they stopped us who knows anyway they're going so fast it'll take them two weeks to stop and turn around cut to the interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area it's continuing to fly at Ludicrous Speed you fools we just pass them stop We Can't Stop it's too dangerous we got to slow down first [ __ ] stop shaking his head Sanders reluctantly pushes a double-handed lever that flashes red emergency stop an ear shattering air break hisses emanates

from the bowels of the giant Spaceball star Cruiser the huge ship stops on a quarter the Quick Stop of the spaceship causes dark helmet's helmet to envelop him again and slam him into the command rail bang he bounces back into the entrance rotunda play Then forward again into the command rail bong where he comes to a bone jarring stop he is a shell of his former self we stopped sir yes we should we do know sir but why don't we take a 5 minute break smoke him if you got him suddenly he Keels over helmet it all into a dead faint clunk and we cut to the interior of Eagle 5 cockpit lone stars and Bar's point of view we see the White Stripes of light then we see lone star's hand beginning to pull the throttle back coming out of hyperactive as the ship slows down the stripes of white light gradually become single Stars once again and we hear the sound of the decrease to normal flying hum cut to the opposite angle Lone Star and

barf congratulations Boss you did it thanks barus set of course ship has begun to jerk spasmodically accompanied by strange noises like a car running out of gas uh oh we're out of gas now what do we do make our emergency landing quick give me a reading Our Father Who Art in Heaven stop that keep your sea belts fastened back there you okay princess no you idiot where did you learn to fly we've been click click star turns off the intercom Jets off rocket reversed gear down ego five coming in we're going in brace yourself we begin to make a very bouncy landing on rough desert terrain we cut to Interior Eagle 5 rear quarters despite their seat bels the princess and thought are being shaken rattled and rolled the princess is somewhere between Fury and fear we cut to the interior Eagle 5 cockpit Lone Star and barf fight to control the wild bucking bronco of the crash landing spaceship Boulders

Loom up and are narrowly missed finally Eagle five lurches to a jarring stop the eagle has landed cut to the interior of Eagle 5 rear headquarters the princess unbuckles her seat belt pulls herself together and heads for the curtain leading to the cockpit where are you going I'm going to tell him off once and for all wait a minute we might need him to get out of here besides he's got a sexy voice he could be cute cute I know these space bums they're all alike fat ugly beer swelling pigs called me an idiot I'm going back there and I'm going to going to tell her piece of my mind hold it wait you see what she looks like she'll I know what she looks like if you've seen one princess you've seen them all but too knock need horse face bace dogs lone star walks furiously to the curtained off rear quarters just as he's about to open the curtain it's yanked back by the princess now listen you she stops in mid speech obviously

stunned by his rugged good looks cut to the princess's point of view Lone Star starts to say something his jaw drops his breath literally taken away by her beauty back to the scene for a second they are both speechless lonar recovers first and furthermore on this ship you are to refer to me as Captain not you idiot and you are not to call me you you will address me as your Royal Highness I'll tell you what you are you are a royal pain in the hold it time what what may I have a small suggestion they look at him we didn't why didn't we uh vacate this the area before the Space Balls come back and clobber us the schmuck is right let's get out of here that's smooky come on let's go wait my things take only what you need to survive and cut to the exterior moons of Vega day we see the baren god forsaken looking terrain not unlike the back lot of the Burbank St videos The Princess and Dot come into

frame the princess is carrying a tote tote bag in a small hat box dot is pulling an airline stewardess type luggage hauler upon which rest two large matching suitcases which in turn match the princess's designer tote bag pulling up the rear and entering the frame we see lonar and barf struggling to carry a huge steamer trunk the luggage and the trunk have little PV insignias and bust all over them the princess trips and almost Falls O whatever that means they continue on starting up an incline what the hell is in this thing it weighs a ton they put the trunk down and lonar opens it up he takes out the world's largest blow dryer in the world what's this I said only take what you need to survive it's my industrial strength hair dryer and I can't live without it okay princess that's it the fairy tale's over welcome to the real life you want this hot air machine you carry it listen you peasant my father is paying you a lot of

money you pick that up well what we've got here look at her those flashing eyes those flush cheeks there Trembling Lips you know something princess you're ugly when you're angry that's it you and your animal are fired cut to a close of of barf he takes umbrage at the word animal and growls that's fine with me okay princess you're on your own come on animal Lone Star and barf turn around and March over to the crest of a ridge dot worried looks at the princess what good do that do now we're stranded out here don't worry he'll be back he's madly in love dot looks at her quizzically with the money the money quick cut to an angle on the other side of the Ridge Music ominous we see a flat area of sandstone lyen and Moss right before our eyes it opens up revealing a bubbling oozing mass of volcanic mud it emits mysterious burbling sounds as our heroes approach the lyan and Moss closes unseen by them

and the ominous music Fades out medium twoot Lone Star and barf enter the frame and start walking across the flat area the the money the money a million space buxs don't worry we won't lose it she needs us a lot more than we need her remember a Jewish princess needs a staff of servants just to change her mind of course you're right any minute now she'll be screaming her silly head off for a help barf suddenly screams and disappears down out at the bottom of the frame help help help another angle the Moss has opened up again and barf is sinking quickly into the Quagmire barf give me your hand quick barf grabs lone star's arm slowly but surely Lone Star starts to pull barf out suddenly music a pair of mud arms with twig-like fingers reaches out of the Ooze clutches barf around the thighs and begins to pull him back down barf with his enormous strength breaks the grip of the encircled mud arms only to have new ones

immediately spring out of the mud and grab him there are too many for him to overcome he is pulled down his hand wrenched out of Lone Stars by the overpowering tenacity of the mudmen oh Mudman here grab this with a tremendous heave he pulls on the branch which suddenly turns into the arm of a huge Mudman who Springs from the muck with a hideous gurgling Roar mud spewing wildly from his mouth his beastial face inches from Lone Stars scream of horror escapes from Lone star's lips the Mudman quickly encircles lone star's neck with this huge muddy arm barf manages to work his way toward lonar in a last courageous effort to save his boss's life lonar viciously sinks his teeth into the mud man's arm and spits out a mouthful of mud but the arm quickly reseals itself with fresh mud once again barf begins to sink drawn down by unseen mudmen Won star I just want you to know it was very nice working with you don't

give up barf don't give up barf struggles but to no avail his head sinks below the surface barf bar Bar's head surfaces what boss what barf takes a gulp of air as he pull down again barf suddenly we hear heroic music then we hear the giant hum of a powerful motor followed by the Roar of hot wind Lone Star and the mudmen both whipped their heads around in the direction of the sound we cut to the angle of the rim of the Ridge and there poised on the edge of the Quagmire stands princess vesa holding her industrial strength hair dryer like a flamethrower she blasts the mud men with Fierce gusts of H air she then concentrates on the Mudman that is choking the life out of lonar we cut to a closeup of the Mudman his eyes widen in Terror as he realizes he's being attacked by his greatest enemy hot dry air slowly but inexorably he begins to dry and his color changes from wet black mud flesh to sand gray

dried clay as he rapidly dries pieces of him begin to fall off we cut to a closeup of the Mudman the arm begins to cake and crumble lone star breaks free Cut to a close with a lone star gulps a deep breath of air sighing with relief and then he sees something look out cut to Lone Stars POV a huge Mudman reaches up toward the princess and she swings around to face it cut to the princess's point of view a hideous snarling Mudman cut back back to the princess and she aims her hair dryer at the Mudman oh dry up cut to the angle the Mudman who instantly cracks and falls apart with an agonizing dry scream cut to another angle of the Quagmire b b where down there Lone Star is pointing to the middle of the Quagmire the princess aims her hair dryer right at the center it dries up immediately causing the mud meant to choke rise and scream in pain and protest as they dry cake and crumble to Pieces they look not

unlike a colony of mud lepers losing parts of themselves in quick succession lonar looks around desperately for barf barf a huge cake of mud Breaks Loose from the dried up Quagmire and surfaces an arm comes out of the cake and hits the block of mud where the face would be the mud drops away revealing barfs and B face hi chef lonar turns to the princess that was pretty good for a princess I owe you one you don't owe me anything we're even oh well it's going to be dark soon better find a place to make C for the night we cut to let's see um our next narrator which should be Jackson interior Spaceball Cruiser Bridge area technicians in the background are repairing the damage that was caused by going into ludicrous speed and stop ping so abruptly attention there are still tickets left for the clinging brother circus which will be turning the ship from May to December two Technic are knocking the dents out of the Dark

helmet's Helmet with him in it boing boing boing Dark Helmet reacts any sign of them yet no Lord Helmet there's still nowhere on the scanner keep looking wait a minute sir I have an idea do we have the video C of the space ball the movies oh look sir he opened a sliding door uh panel to reveal a wall of video cassettes cassettes wait a minute there can't be a cassette of Space Balls yet yet we're right in the middle of making it that's true sir but there has been breakthrough in home video marketing what breakthrough instant cassettes there out before the movie is finished wow that's incredible what do they think of next the video technician reaches for the space bombs the movie from the Shelf filled with cassettes of Mel Brooks movies here it is Sir he clicked the cassette into the V VCR closeup video screen we see FBI warning Studio logos and Fan Fair and then the beginning of the mov the legend

Once Upon A A Time rout no no no it's much later go forward we see snow and hear a whooshing static sound try now quick search we see the uh we see and hear a movie Very sped up in less than 10 seconds we see the entire Ludicrous Speed sequence ending at doth uh dog helmets Falls over and M back to scene Dark Helmet and Sanders are watching the screen the video technician is seated at the VCR no no keep going that's after that closeup video screen once again the TV screen with uh where SE snow and here whooosh she stab it stop look there the video cassette goes to the normal speed and what we see or the TV screen is the same scene we're watching on the movie screen back to seat doc helmet stares puzzled and the TV screen he comes closer to the TV image which in turn moves closer to moves closer to him until they almost know there almost no to NOS note during the following conversations everybody's voices are

doubled real people and images say the same thing at the same time what's going on what the hell am I looking at when does this happen in the movie now you're looking at it sir everything H is that is happening is now now what happened to then we're past then and at now now then go back to then now not now then then when now the video tech uh technician passes a uh presses a button on the video cassette goes into re for a short bitop close up video screen the tape stops at this point at the point where we see the moon of Vaga right before the princess and Dot enter when with the luggage a moment later they enter the frame and we can see the princess dot Lone Star and bar all carrying luggage there uh there they are they're on moon of Vega good work Sanders sh a course for the moons of Vega what's our ETA we'll be there tomorrow at High Noon music a brush stroke of synon High new clo uh cut two exit

uh exterior interior moon at Vega pass uh campsite night Our Heroes Have Made camp on the high flattop Doom from which they can see the deserts below Lone Star is looking up at the night sky barf is sleeping by his side on the side on a h huge R rubber donut that reads on its side inflatable doggy bed barf is having a doggy dream cut two close up lone stop he looks out o over at Dot and the princess got two lone Stars POV we see dot asleep and a little orange sign on her shoulder flicks on and off and reads sleep mode dot emits a silent a a slight electric snore beep beep b a short distance away the princess is sitting on on the boulder looking up at the night sky she Shivers and rubs her arms to get warm back to Scene lonar goes over takes uh takes off his flight Jet uh jacket and places it on her shoulders thanks it's freezing suddenly they are beneath bathed in White Night Light cut two Lone Star and the princess po the

night sky we see the full moon quickly rise and then another Moon and another and another the four full moons brightly light up the night sky don't look now but uh I think we're being mooned wow four full moons lucky I'm not romantic they both glaze up at the sky I can't seem to find druidia right up there that bright blue one see oh yes it looks so small so far away after a beat don't worry I'll get you there which one is yours who knows you don't know where you're from not really I was left on the doorstep of some Monastery by whom I don't know didn't the monks tell you they couldn't they' taken a v of Silence then you don't know who your parents are no uh all I've got is this from benath his shirt lonar takes out a Trish uh tarnished silver Medallion that he wears around his neck was around my neck close up the princess hand the princess cradles The Medallion in her hand there's an eagle-like emblem on the

side and a strange hro uh writing on the other what is it I don't know I've taken every I've taken it to every wise man in the galaxy and but nobody can tell me what it means another angle Lone Star and the princess she's still holding The Medallion their faces are very close it's beautiful music you and the night Etc they're both aware that the chemistry is heating up both them they stare at each other for a moment in silence lonar breaks the moment he takes a The Medallion from the princess's hands and Tucks it back into his uh so how come you ran away from your own wedding I wasn't in love with the groom and why were you going to marry him because I'm a princess and I have to marry a prince but you don't love him I have a duty to my father and my Planet I must go back I shouldn't have run away I realize now that love is one luxury that a princess can't afford without realizing it the princess

and Lone Star are moving closer to each other you're probably right I know now that I must learn to live without love I guess so I have no choice of course you don't besides love isn't that important nah it isn't I think I could be perfectly happy the rest of my life without love sure you could without being held yeah or kissed yeah their lips touch they begin to melt into each other's arms the mood is suddenly Shattered by a whoosh whoop whoop an OS alarm they uh they headed wh uh their heads Whi around to WS the source of the noise cut two the princess and lone Stars POV the whoop whoop whoop sound is coming from do dot her eyes are flashing alerting them uh alerting like the red and blue lights on the top of the police car on her chest a red light flashes on and off it reads virgin alarm virgin alarm virgin alarm barf abruptly awakes alarm starts starts barking furiously dot rushes over grabbing the

princess and moving her away from lonar she turns off her virgin alarm we'll have none of that mister what the hell's going on what was that noise your master here set off my Virgin alarm you're a virgin I didn't even know droids did that you animal you get back to bed Miss and as for you fly boy all right all right let's all get some sleep we got to get moving Before Dawn why so early cuz we won't get very far once the BL in Desert Sun comes up they move off to their respective seeding areas Lone Star and the princess engage a last lingering Fade Out fade in the uh exterior Sky loose up this sun day it seems enormous a big burning ball of fill fills the screen the camera pans down to the desert exterior desert day we see a hat boox lying in the sand C tracks over across the desert every few yards we see another abandoned piece of luggage suitcases tote bags a large truck trunk and finally the industrial strength hair

dryer cut two a wider shot other four pitiful Heroes struggle in single file across the burning hot desert cut two another angle low we see the sand dunes framed against the blue sky over the top of of it strager uh strager Lone Star exhaust his uh parched face comes towards the camera water as lonar eggsit his frame barf enters panting like a Thirsty Dog and he he heads towards the camera water as barf exits the frame do enters heading towards the camera exhausted o as do exits frame the princess enters and his heads head the camera room service dissolve through two exterior Sky Day music a a blazing yellow light suffers the exterior uh Ed tires green cameras pull back and reveal Our Heroes rest uh Relentless enemies the sun once again the camera pans slowly down to the desert's floor cut two exterior desert day lone Stars carrying the princess and bar barf in is carrying Dot's piggy back I can't go much further I

can't come on barle buddy just one more D to go barf falls to his knees yeah that's what you said three Dunes ago barf pops face down on down down in the sand must go on must go on must go on who am I kidding Lone Star collaps with the princess in his arms music things are looking down sound obnoxious throbbing of Spaceball Cruisers engines cut that's we will cut to an intermission all right um let's see it's 43 after the hour and we can um have an intermission here or we can uh decide if you want to continue we're about it's about 140 page script and we're at page 64 right now um so we're not quite halfway through yeah I think this might be a good place to stop good place to stop I think so so much fun though it is um and then so if you guys need to go you can I'm going to stop sharing the screen here um if you want to take a five minute break and those of you can stay in chat for a little bit with the

first half of this the script would be great um and then we'll pick it up next Tuesday with a second half of script and maybe a few more readers so thanks everybody it was fun I to go so much fun thank you for playing thank you thanks everybody bye cool um anyone else want to stick around for a little bit okay all right um so go and take a five minute break then we'll come back in a little discussion here and of course perfect thank you thank you

yeah e e e think mind do that this e e e okay finally managed to change my background from the Globe Theater too nice appropriate Space Balls here oh yeah every time I try changing it and this computer I don't know how this computer works so I cannot never find a way in there's like 18 million files in this computer so oh man I had one computer I couldn't do it unless I had an actual screen behind me and a actual physical screen blank screen this one this one manages to do it though which is nice but I love that you have a you have a you have a Star Wars cup at your I don't have a space balls mug so this is as close as I can get yeah no I love this spoof um I caught several references to other movies this this is being the most obvious but um of course there's a Star Trek reference with the Be Me Up Scotty but yeah I love Mel Brooks's writing it's a little bit dated and there are definitely some uh let's see

off color jokes in here that may not have did the test of time um but was very definitely common for the the late 80s there of them are still so funny though you can't like get mad at them cuz they're still real like they're really well like the whole sand like chicken chicken I caught it and then I when they said the chicken thing I was like oh my gosh they're really milking this joke yeah God sorry no go ahead I was I was surprised in with you know this version of it you know seeming to be more of like a like a original script before like rewrites and improv and everything because you you know had a cast that probably had a lot of improvisational moment at this movie and some of like the most iconic lines are not in the script and you I mean that tends to happen when you have iconic movies yeah um but I loved that we were kind of putting in the chat like the lines that weren't in there that we all know from

it um you know the Virgin alarm it's set to go off before you do um y a line I see why they kept it the best one when they're watching the when they're watching Space Balls in real time and he's like don't show this in fact never show this again that was my favorite line too I love that ad I that was probably one of my favorite scenes it was conf we're gonna no it's past us in fact never never watch this again never show us again never show us again ever the uh was it just because maybe it's later but I just watched it so I could have SW it was earlier but isn't the keep firing [ __ ] didn't that not isn't that earlier I thought it was two but I I maybe it is later I don't know I when like must be later like who who made him whatever anyhow it's like he's an [ __ ] sir it's like I think that's later I think it I think it's later but it's I love I do love that line I've been waiting for it it's like yeah so

good how many [ __ ] do you have here keep shoting [ __ ] oh man yeah this just it's just got so many you know quick lines but the entire the Mudman scene yeah that got completely taken out yeah that got cut hard oh really wondering I didn't remember I didn't remember seeing that in the movie and I thought huh reason hair dryer yeah I can see why I mean I think it's because of the joke of the industrial they're trying to put in the joke of the industrial how how it's useful you can't live without it but it's you know it's to justify that but it's funnier if it's not justified yeah and they end up leaving it anyways completely pointless yeah no I love that um I see why I can see why they left that part out yeah I I think it I think it works better without that scene but yeah the entire time we were reading that I was like what what is this bonus um like quicksand scene we got going on here what is

happening I love all the visual jokes too I mean it's just like you know the radar has been jammed and yeah that one's great also the high noon I not understand that whole thing up until I read that I was like oh my gosh I went over my head the whole time that's a that's a joke of Clint Eastwood's High Noon that that's what that whole it's so funny I don't I don't know how there were so many good ones yeah you you get a lot more of them when you're reading the directions with it because you you know hear stuff that maybe you're not fully paying attention to no matter how many I mean I've seen this movie I can't even count how many times and that's the first time that I picked up on that and I was like oh oh that makes so much sense now and some of it never even makes it into any of the filming I mean like the the desert being similar to the back lot right yeah right I mean you don't know that that's what

that is but I think it's just like a little chuckle to all the people who are making it it's more like that I think rather than nod to us the audience it's for people reading the script is really funny Umar it would have been oh I was just saying it's really a testament to like Mel Brooks's humor cuz he wrote the script and it just really is like how he does out of this the out of the box thinking of the satire of everything um so it's really funny I just these kinds of movies like anything that's got kind of a satire you know quick wit sort of situation it's it has a tendency to either be the f Fest thing on the planet or the cringiest thing on the planet and this movie somehow managed because some of these jokes could fall so flat but the fact that every single joke in this movie no matter who you're watching it with gets a laugh from somebody right none of them feel offensive they may be outdated but

they're they're not I don't feel like any of them have been offensive so far they you know like some of the ones like in this in this version of the script and I think it's because a lot of us are used to the movie but you know some of them I feel like personally they would fall flat not because they're offensive or anything but just because they didn't they don't quite have the the detail behind it that some of the lines that we love so much have um yeah I I saw that they had shookie I'm guessing that they had to change that because it got changed to MOG I was like oh that's half dog I'm My Own best friend worked better yeah oh and Jackson deliver that perfectly my my best friend I love at some point I just I think it was that line I was like I'm just G to make him have my own voice he is not going to change voice I could not get the voice for him I kept trying different voices and then he was like

he's gonna have my voice and then sometimes he'll change his accent a little bit that's some hint of flare um you heard I don't know if you heard me break when I was reading the directions and when you popped you're were supposed to pop in the window and you're like hi it was for some reason delivery funniest thing I was ready for that I was ready I was like I know what I have to do I got my assignment I'm gonna do this oh good I love being lar it's so much fun I I don't know I'm I'm having fun with it I really liked reading for the whole romantic scene with Alone star and princess and trying to read for that the scene where they're watching Spaceball was confusing but I was like I think I got there at some point it's it it's actually funnier visually I think than reading it it kind of Falls flat when you're reading it but when cuz it's a little confusing but when you watch it it's so gosh darn funny they have the entire

where they're like moving their arm and then like looking at the TV and watching it move in real time and it's just it's so it's like the silence there makes back and forth too it's really funny it's like you really need to have that that you know comedic timing as an actor for it it but it works so perfectly Rick Moranis is so perfect like perfect in this role yeah I really fil that particular scene too I mean how many times they had to do it to get the live actors to match the you know non-live actors so to speak right what were you gonna say Jackson I was just saying I really tried to watch this movie like we went on and was searching up everywhere I think it's on Amazon Prime on my Amazon Prime and I was like I was looking on many different places I was like I need to actually like I did that with Goonies I was like I have to rewatch goonies never did I couldn't find it anym I don't know where you guys

are finding all these things um least in Canada we cannot get any of these movies it's such a shame I will I have to admit mine are still on DVDs with some of like the ones that are like Classics that my family watches like we have them on DVD because we know we're always going to be watching it like we have Space Balls Out in our living room right now like that's I have only one Mel Brooks movie it's my favorite one which Young Frankenstein it's my favorite we were just talking about that earlier Frank Frankenstein my name is I thought it was I well there was wrong no wasn't AB something or other Abby uh Abby normal Abby normal you can't me AB normal brain love that oh oh my God I love I love him so much in that movie I died I was there were some points where I didn't even look at the screen and then I hear a liner I was like oh no they're messing up the one line where you were like purposely Ming

up I thought that was all genuine and I was looking away and I was like oh no I feel so bad cuz I do this all the time and then I looked at and it's like on purpose I was like oh my gosh it's a real line oh real line yeah the the Nemesis Nemesis that's not I that was one of the jokes from this script that I wish was in the hilarious it wasn't it was that's so funny Ness I loved it right it isn't in there but it's great I thought you actually was like I thought you were like I'm done with this word I'll change it like I thought that's exactly what you were doing and I was like and then I actually looked at it and I was like oh wait that's in the script my sister I do I'm not reading the script anymore I'm changing the word completely so my sister and I will do the whole raspberry line fat joke like we do it all the time it's so should be like raspberry it's like only one person day gives me the raspberry and then we both

go Lone Star it's really funny I this this movie has a super special place in my heart not just because like you know it's funny it's and everything but like the way that my dad and I growing up have always like shown affection for each other is through like movie quotes that's been our thing like that's because he's super like Huggy lovey doy person and that's totally fine so we just do movie quotes that's our thing that's great and so he'll just start like um I don't know if you guys can hear me because I froze up on my end we can hear you we just I'll just end in case you can't hear me continue oh there you go no no no continue continue cool um for some reason it froze up I was like I know I'm I'm plugged in chords are all plugged in we're good um but this movie we'll just randomly like we wouldn't have even watched it recently it's just someone will pick a quote and it'll just be off from there

we could probably quote the whole movie from beginning to end without stopping and it it used to drive my mother insane because we would just quote like 30 minutes worth of a movie oh my yeah so fun the big one for this um it hasn't happened yet so you know spoiler alert but I won't say anything too big but it's just the entire uh you know your dad cousin second you know that entire scene is like the number one quoted in my household it's like what's that make us absolutely nothing I love that line I can't wait to get there I was watching no I was watching some clips before this trying to like figure out what the characters were CU obviously I haven't watched the movie so every character I had I went through and looked at clips of them and saw who they how they acted or whatever just quick little like five seconds Clips every single one I laughed so hard with like one in the future is the waitress

scene yeah that one's so good I love that one hello my darling hello I really liked also the wedding ceremony where she's like he's the dude performs his lines perfectly he's just like in this because it cuts and tells you what's happening you don't get the full effect but when I was watching it I was it was like okay and so we pronounce you and she's going down the a with her and she's going down the aisle and she's gone and well here we go now we have to go say amen I mean was kind of yeah I don't think it says it in this script version but that scene one of the best parts is that dot is on like wheels so as she's Veil she's just getting dragged behind like she's got in her shoes yeah did it did it actually say mention yeah did okay yeah know I was just I was loving it I love it I can't wait I I I and I don't know why the man sounds like a child he speaks like so young before his age the her

dad when I spoke when it came out of my voice I was like this man is a sounds a lot younger right now than he actually is I was so confused I sometimes my words or my voice just changes and it's so Weir I can't wait for the password the password joke is going my favorite change the combination on my Lage yeah the scene that's really missing I caught my eye on this one is the DeMent twins they are not in here um there's the the DeMent twins are in with the in bed I think with President um I think that's later later I thought yeah that's later it hasn't happened yet okay so we'll see if that one shows up or not I I thought it was earlier and I didn't see it so I was looking for that one I like Mr radar scene a Mr Coffee scene that one funny very very dated you have to know what Mr Coffee is but um you know just again a nice really good visual when I liked oh clearly I laughed at the wrong thing I was just thinking

it was funny that they labeled it Mr Coffee I didn't realize there's an actual thing behind that oh you were just talking cat so I don't know if you said this line so if I'm repeating you I'm so sorry but the the line that's wasn't in there about the of course I love having Mr Coffee with my radar and isn't that right and everybody's like uhhuh but it's just like he's so I love when he and the visual you don't see it in there I think this is an ABI visual but it's when he like he drinks the coffee and then he he like spits it out like just boom the whole like it's like a garage door it just boom down oh the entire Dark Helmet like mask thing is just there's there's no nothing like it it's so good and I love how many references in the script to him being just small like they're just like he's tiny like his little itty bitty legs the movies holding onto the bar and his legs are just flapping it's the original farquad

that's all I could think I was like oh it's farquad farad it's space farquad it's space farquad got it oh go he must have had Rick Moranis in mind when he wrote this script because you know and and so and because Rick is about as far as from in the intimidating Darth Vader as you can probably get right he's just this is like I said this he's perfect for this script oh yeah I can't imagine anyone else being being Dark Helmet but besides Rick moras oh and I love it when oh man it's going to get later in there but I love when he's playing with the dolls it's so funny that's why I I humbly if if the person originally is not available I humbly ask to revise my to or to re reprise my role as Dark Helmet just for the doll scene alone I just love being Alone star I don't mind it's so much fun being him I just like no I didn't see you playing with your dolls again sir how many times I told you not to

come into my room Jenna is the princess was pretty fun today too she she was doing so well oh I love that part where she was all the parts the one where it was like the hot sun and then she's like my my luck or something wasn't it like something with the luggage the room service room service I loved it she did so good on that voice oh it's such a small thing but it's not in the script when when barf walks in to the Winnebago with her luggage and the movie he still got it in his mouth and he's like her royal fin SMH luggage it's such a small detail and it's the funniest thing in the entire world oh you were saying I'm so sorry oh it's okay the other thing was is that they didn't have a script I mean it was I think it got adli I mean it's kind of in script but it isn't but it's when they finally meet each other and he's like you will not re refer to me as your idiot you refer to me as the captain it

actually got switched in the final product where it was like you will not refer to me as cap uh cap you affer to me as idiot and it's it's just really funny because it's like it it makes sense CU they're kind of both you know they're like oh oh my but it's it's pretty funny oh gosh it's just yeah there's there's so I me I still think it works without it but it's still good it's so good I it's just so it's so interesting especially like groups like this to read when you see a script that seems to be an original and you can kind of compare and see what what made it what didn't and what got made better what what worked and what didn't yeah I really that's one of the things I like looking at original scripts for that like alien for instance looking at that script is really interesting alien script like in the beginning too like you went when torus says you know you went over my head I think in the movie

says you went over my helmet yeah yes so slightly different there I think works better with helmet it yeah it's yeah there's just there's little little jokes there and especially like I said when you have a cast like this who's just full of people who are comedic improvisers you know who are good at that you know quick responding things it's like John Candy such a genius that in during in his day with how to get things you know his so good just beautiful it's just absolutely gorgeous the the tail everywhere is just oh my God and going oh oh John Cy Gone Too Soon um I don't know if you ever saw his his last film wagons East but that one's also just really funny yeah yeah there there's yeah there's just so many in this film that because there's there's rumors or there's there's things about a a remake right this I have no idea I've been seeing it's gonna have it's gonna have Mel Brooks I think still doing like the

directing and everything for it and they had a couple actors that they were talking to but I'm I'm I'm cautiously optimistic with the fact that Mel Brooks is still going to be involved um it's so sad but the I could see is Dark Helmet is Adam Driver for some reason I don't know why but Adam Driver just me is being hilariously perfect he's so good at comedy he doesn't get a lot of opportunities to do comedy and so seeing him in like a straight comedic role especially with the fact that he was kylo Ren would be because the thing was so funnily enough when I was when cat told me I was reading Dark Helmet tonight I was looking for I do have a kylo ren mask and I can't find it so that's why I ended up with a ghoul mask but I was that's hilarious I was gonna put the kylo ren mask on because I was like it's basically you know the same principle um but yeah I was I'm just I'm hesitant because like we said these are such

amazing actors that no one else can see anyone play these roles that I'm I'm hesitant to see anyone try yeah but yeah communic timing is so good though you just really have to have that comedian timing down yeah and I think there are some really good comedic actors that could pull some of this up like I like I said like Adam D driver is really actually quite comedic comedically funny so yeah there are some other ones I think could could possibly pull it off yeah like andrewf funny enough I could see doing Lone Star cuz he's actually quite that's true that's true see see him doing it we just get Tom hson as Colonel Sanders and call it a day because I think that'd be I think that'd be interesting to see I love Tom Hilson then we have the height difference going on for because Adam well Adam Driver is not very he's pretty tall too he's pretty tall you'd have to you'd have to force perspective

but anyways I just thought it'd be I mean just thinking just thinking of the personality in comedic chops I think he could pull it off but yeah you'd probably want someone who's a smaller less intimidating guy but I don't know if anybody got intimidated by Adam Driver or it's just Bas balls where every single character is played by Mel Brooks every single character is just Mel Brooks that's so funny oh man all right guys I need to get going okay yeah you guys have a wonderful night it was so fun you bye bye bye bye all right it's probably time for us to go too but we'll catch you all in a week hopefully and maybe I think I'll let Vicky know because I know she's sad she missed this one and be back next week with us too so and Judy didn't get to read today so um we have and we have slightly more than half the SCP left so plenty more lines for everybody it'll be a great time excited okay well I'll catch good night

you all and thanks so much for your much thank you have a good night thank you Cat y thank you good night see you

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays"?

Cat Wilson (Host), Jackson Gray (Guest), Jen (Guest), Tori (Guest), Aubrey McCoy (Guest).

What is "SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays" about?

The content revolves around a table read of the classic 1986 film "Spaceballs" by Mel Brooks, where participants introduce themselves, share their roles, and discuss last-minute casting changes. The session features cold readings of the script and highlights the excitement and camaraderie of the cast members as they engage in a beloved comedic classic.

What is mentioned in this Table Read Tuesdays episode?

13 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Spaceballs, Lone Star, Dark Helmet, Princess Vespa, Druidia, Eagle 5. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "SPACEBALLS (1st half)Table Read Tuesdays"?

The episode runs 2 h 5 min; the transcript is about 16,707 words in 96 timestamped sections.

More from Table Read Tuesdays

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.