Transcript

TACS #125 (feat. Billy West, Memphis Monroe and Bill Simmons)

From The Adam Carolla Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 2 h 30 min · 28,295 words · 739 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "TACS #125 (feat. Billy West, Memphis Monroe and Bill Simmons)", an episode of The Adam Carolla Show published November 10, 2025 (2 h 30 min, about 28,295 words). It mentions 30 people, works and ideas, including Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Memphis Monroe, Lieutenant Bill West, Jack Silver.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: Jack Silver, Chief Thunder Bear, Memphis Monroe, Tiknahan
  2. – 30:00: Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Memphis Monroe, Lieutenant Bill West
  3. – 45:00: Little Man, Jack Silver, Lance Armstrong, Aver Lavine
  4. – 1:00:00: Chief Thunder Bear, Dodgers, Barbaro, Cardinals
  5. – 1:15:00: Lieutenant Bill West, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Tony Soprano
  6. – 1:30:00: Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Cedar House, Lieutenant Bill West
  7. – 1:45:00: Cedar House, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Aphrodisiac
  8. – 2:00:00: Memphis Monroe, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Jack Silver
  9. – 2:15:00: Nicholas Cage, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Jack Silver
  10. – 2:29:55: Christy Brinkley, Adam Corolla, Brad Pitt, Adam Corolla Show

Notable quotes from "TACS #125 (feat. Billy West, Memphis Monroe and Bill Simmons)"

  • Be in here. Also, a visit from Chief Thunder Bear. Oh, Christ. Pornstar Memphis Monroe is in here because Azie reviewed one of her movies as well. He was on the set of her…
    about Memphis Monroe · at
  • 12:15 Friday night back here. I walked back here. I was praying I would run into a drunken Jack Silver who was coming back from karaoke night at Dimples and I would be walking…
    about Jack Silver · at
  • Call that chick anymore, so call us instead. 86691 Adam, the Adam Corolla Show.
    about Adam Corolla · at
  • Though. What is the big difference between this horny old broad calling the place trying to get herself a little man tail and my faka old neighbors calling 911 and getting the…
    about Little Man · at
  • West's going to hang with us. He's going to read from the Star Jones book as Tony Soprano and Howard Stern.
    about Tony Soprano · at
  • Azie also is going to review her movie Aphrodisiac. He was on the set watching the movie being filmed. We'll see if we can extricate any information out of the Ozman. All that and an update on our crackhead family after this.
    about Aphrodisiac · at
  • Navan named Roger who's taking him to one of their hopefully two of their open beds. Cedar House, the official rehab center of the Adam Corolla.
    about Cedar House · at
  • Undercover agent who takes on the physical appearance of the assumed dead terrorist Nick Cage.
    about Nicholas Cage · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Adam Corolla — Person · 20 mentions · first at
  • Memphis Monroe — Person · 16 mentions · first at
  • Lieutenant Bill West — Person · 13 mentions · first at
    Also, Billy West, Voiceman extraordinaire Billy West is coming in.
  • Jack Silver — Person · 9 mentions · first at
  • Chief Thunder Bear — Person · 7 mentions · first at
    It is either way. Whatever order he'll be in here. Also, a visit from Chief Thunder Bear. Oh, Christ. Pornstar Memphis Monroe is in here because Azie reviewed one of her movies as well. He was on the set of her newest epic.
  • Azie — Person · 5 mentions
  • Tony Soprano — Person · 4 mentions · first at
  • Nicholas Cage — Person · 4 mentions · first at
  • Christy Brinkley — Person · 4 mentions · first at
    Well, some new insight into the big Christy Brinkley breakup and what's on Brad Pitt's mind. We'll explore that and less.
  • Lance Armstrong — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    That's what I'm saying. Well, last night Lance Armstrong hosted the ESPs.
  • Barbaro — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    Hey, did you hear about Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro? He was on death's door, but now he seems to be doing well.
  • Brad Pitt — Person · 3 mentions · first at
    Well, some new insight into the big Christy Brinkley breakup and what's on Brad Pitt's mind. We'll explore that and less.
  • Joan Allen — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    Bad guy Nicholas Cage. when Caster Troy becomes Shawn Archer, he then beds down Joan Allen, his wife.
  • Kofi Annan — Person · 2 mentions
  • Tiknahan — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Yes, it is run by a very famous Vietnamese monk named Tiknahan. He's, legendary. A lot of people a lot of people say I have his bobblehead, by the way.
  • Aver Lavine — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Aver Lavine got married over the weekend to some 41 singer Derek Wibli in Monaceto, California. Ail's 21.
  • Derek Wibli — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Aver Lavine got married over the weekend to some 41 singer Derek Wibli in Monaceto, California. Ail's 21.
  • Barry Bonds — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Speaking of Bonds, proudest moment of the millennium, I think yesterday in the Giants lost to the Phillies. Barry Bonds hit his 13th home run of the year off of Philly's…
  • Brett Myers — Person · 1 mention
  • Cory Robin — Person · 1 mention
  • Fred — Person · 1 mention

Books & papers

Companies & orgs

  • Adam Corolla Show — Company · 19 mentions · first at
    Call that chick anymore, so call us instead. 86691 Adam, the Adam Corolla Show.
  • Cedar House — Company · 6 mentions · first at
  • Dodgers — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    Good. Good girl. Good girl. National pastime. Dodgers limp through their first series since the All-Star vacation. Bums got swept by the Cardinals in St. Louis.
  • ESPN — Company · 3 mentions
  • Cardinals — Company · 2 mentions · first at
    First series since the All-Star vacation. Bums got swept by the Cardinals in St. Louis.
  • workingamea.org — Company · 1 mention · first at
    There's a website called workingamea.org, and it conducts a contest for the worst boss, soliciting stories about terrible things that have happened to you at work. You can win a week's vacation, a thousand bucks. Now,.

Full transcript with timestamps

Good morning and welcome to another exciting broadcast day. Mhm. Phone number 866 901 Adam 866 901 Adam. All right, what's on tap today? Aussie has a movie review. Me, you. I'm sorry. That's how he uh call called it yesterday. You mean Dri? I was with him yesterday. I asked him what movie he was reviewing and he said me, you and Dri.

Well, it's the right three people. It is either way. Whatever order he'll be in here. Also, a visit from Chief Thunder Bear. Oh, Christ. Pornstar Memphis Monroe is in here because Azie reviewed one of her movies as well. He was on the set of her newest uh epic Ephrodesiac. 250,000 bucks. So says Larry Flynn. Also, sports guy from ESPN.com, Bill Simmons, coming back. He's uh going to review another basic cable classic. This time, Face Off.

What the hell is he coming back in here for? We uh we enjoy We were so smitten with him a week ago Monday, that we signed to him back. Now, he's going to do something, and we're going to jump in on this uh that I used to do on my Comedy Central TV show. We just take a movie, we take clips, we break it down, and uh not new movies, old movies, movies that are still on cable. Also, uh news and sports and uh blah blah blah. All right, so stuff to talk to Teresa about. He was good out of town this weekend. I got to say, the power was out when I got home.

yesterday. You really do not appreciate your kilowatts until until they're gone. And especially I worked yesterday as I've been working uh every Sunday on this movie. This was the last Sunday. Thank Holy Christ.

How many more days already? Well, I have two more days, but it's really coming to a head. And uh for instance, on Friday, I left uh the studio here at about noon. It was about 12:20 and I just walked up the street to the Labraa Tar Pits where we were shooting and I got in my car at 12:15 Friday night back here. I walked back here. I was praying I would run into a drunken Jack Silver who was coming back from karaoke night at Dimples and I would be walking out very nonchalantly to my car and he'd be like, "Aceman burning the midnight oil, Jack.

I do whatever you ah Sure. It's Friday night. It's just an average week night for me. What time is it? 12:15 12:30 just putting the final touches on uh Chief Thunderbear.

By the way, I understand that we have audio of Jack Silver at Dimples. Well, and we can hear that at some point before the morning is through. But I got home at 12:30 on Friday night and then yesterday I got home at about 11:15 except for the power out. There's no there's no worse feeling that when it happens slowly. You're driving up the street to your house. Not not necessarily your street, but you're going up the closest busy street. And the first impulse is, uh, what's up with all the traffic? And then the next one is is, oh, the traffic light at the bottom of the hills out. And then, ah, the traffic light at the top of the hills out. And then, jeez, look at everybody. No one turned their porch light on. And then there's, oh Christ, the power's out. And then there's, well, man, the power's out to every house but my house. This happens a lot to you, doesn't it? uh

up on that hill you live on 40 or 50 times uh in the last three two two and a half or 3 years. Yes, it is ruined. A I had a 42-in plasma TV that was ruined because the power kept going on and kept going off. And you know the thing about the power company as uh you may have heard my jags about monopolies before. Guess what their attitude is about any of this stuff? F off. Yeah,

it's it's the beauty of there only being one game in town. My power is interrupted constantly. And by the way, when it's interrupted, it is worth it. You know, you would pay $500 not to have your power go off on any given evening. All the clocks get whacked out. Whatever electronics you have, you know, flat screens, plasmas, whatever. Baby M. There's no air conditioning. Lynette's, you know, go pacing up and down, ringing her hands. It's hot in the kids' room. It's so hot. you know, all this stuff, but just that, you know, the coffee maker's not hooked up. Nothing's all the things on timers and forget about the to get me started on the to. So, and the transformer's blown out. I can't get to my house. So, I'm I'm driving home at 11. I'm going up the hill at 11:15 thinking, "Oh, Christ.

I got I got to get I got to get in. I'm going to watch Entourage and it's right to bed. I'll be in bed. I'll go to bed by midnight." Uh, no. fire department, yellow tape. They tell me to drive around. I go drive around for 10 minutes. I come back, I land in the exact same place, which case I have to get out of the car and walk up the hill, quarter mile, get into the house, realize once I've I'm on the property that I left the keys for the house, which are separate than the car bunch, back in the car down at the bottom of the hill.

And it's about 173° out here these days, too. So that half mile hike up a hill must be a misery. car still parked down there. Took the wife's car this morning. Didn't say anything. Thought about it. Thought about telling her I was taking the car and then thought, "Nah, I pay for it." So, I got back to a very dark house. Thank Christ I put a generator in my house. I put one in Kimmel's house, too. The thing fires up when the power goes off. It can't handle the whole house. You pick seven or eight circuits. I picked the refrigerator and the to says a lot.

Yes, I'm a man who can prioritize. But the TV has to boot up and everything. But anyway, the point is is I now had my to going, but evidently the power cut out 9 minutes into Entourage.

Oh, that was the best 9 minutes. Yeah. So, that was uh that was my life. I do appreciate your selflessness though because it's a scary time when the lights are out that you were willing to spend time with to must have been petrified in all that darkness that you went in there and comforted.

This is a new to only been through a few blackouts. So she I'm assuming I hope well I've made it into I should say she was uh very very fright. Now the kids were upstairs fanning for themselves. I'm sure they're doing just fine. I

no air conditioning, no baby monitors. And don't you need like things to you know breast pumps that plug in and things that you know.

Yeah. There there are things that I always don't you know whenever I worry for the kids I always just think back to my own childhood with uh zero air conditioning zero anything zero car seats zero just just a big zero in the monitor department we didn't need baby you know when your house is 450 ft you don't need a baby monitor you can never you can never be more than 12t away from the kid

think about yeah think about Roman times think about uh yeah think about people in Africa now listen

that's what I tell that's what I tell my old getting a suntan, dyeing her hair. I'm almost fine.

Yeah, they made it. To may not. Wasn't around in Romans. You can't know what what's going to happen.

Hasn't evolved. So, T, speaking of you, you spent the weekend doing what? I was at a Buddhist retreat at a monastery in Escandido, which is around San Diego. I was meditating.

What in hell? Lot of uh Well, I'll say this. something horrible happened which is that you go there and then

you went to a Buddhist monastery for the weekend. You spend hours in meditation trying to dwell in the now and for literally the first two hours I could not get that Anne Coulter song out of my head that's to the tune of Goldfinger and I would be sitting there going I'm in the here. I'm in the now. I'm breathing in. I'm breathing out. I'm I'm aware of suffering. I'm I'm not planning for the future or dwelling in the past. And then I'd hear Anter

Be nice if we all could have heard the An Cultter. There we go. Thanks, buddy. You're late. You can smell that one coming.

This This was my meditation. Took me two hours. I've tried to meditate before before you ever heard this song.

Yeah. Now it's over. But it's over for anyone that's ever heard this song. But if you ever try to meditate,

your meditation always goes like, "All right, I've freed my mind. I've cleared my mind. I I I've shook shaken my mind like a sketches." Well, now now I'm fixating on my mind being clear.

What? Who farted? Did somebody fart? What's going on? Somebody has gas in there because they feed you.

Yeah. The tofu. And so this is how it all goes. And then somebody chimes in at some point and says, "Hey man, wherever your mind goes, that's cool." and you go, "No, but I just I I can't get out of my head. I just I start thinking about not thinking about anything." And the next thing you know, I'm obsessing on not thinking about it. And they go, they always go, "No that's

that's part of it. That's part of it. No, don't don't fight that. That's part of it." So then the meditation always goes, "All right, just just breathe. Just just free your mind. I can't I can't stop think I I can't focus. I I you know what? I'm thinking about meditating so hard. I've never been more aware in my life. I'm so focused on med Oh, no. Wait a minute. The guy said the guy said I could think about this and that would be okay.

Wow. He was he was blowing smoke though. I mean now I'm focused on him telling me I don't have to think. Now this can't be it. And then and some point I get up and watch TV.

Well, that in itself is instructive because you watch your thought patterns and you're just thinking, "Wow, I'm doing this wrong." So what does that teach you?

Wait a second though. Let's listen. Break it down. What prompted you to go somewhere where you're not allowed to speak for two days?

Yeah, noble silence. Noble silence? Yeah, mostly you're in noble silence. You eat in silence. Obviously, you meditate in silence. Except for the ancer song in my head,

every minute. What in the hell? How do you dress first of all? Well, you have to dress modestly because there are monks there and they're celibate. So, it's very rude. So, they ask you to cover your shoulders and cover your knees

so you don't have to get into like a ghee or something. No, you just, you know, wear modest clothing and um obviously there's no air condition. Oh, no. I cannot hear this song anymore. Hours. Every every time I be close to a peaceful state

and so you just all day long for two days you see people walking around and everything and then they nobody says hello.

You know how in the morning you never say good morning or hello? It's like that except you bow

but then it carries on the whole day. Yeah. You bow when you see people. How do you know what time lunch is?

They ring a bell. That sounds awful. Are there other round eyes there? Yes, it is run by a a very famous Vietnamese monk named Tiknahan. He's, you know, legendary. A lot of people a lot of people say

I have his bobblehead, by the way. That's the only reason I know who he is. Yeah.

A lot of people say that he's partially responsible for ending the war in Vietnam, and he's a great great man. Um, so there are a lot of Vietnamese monks, but there are also Western monks. Are there are there civilians?

Yes. Yes, there are lay people who come for the weekend or some people go there for 6 months and they just meditate.

Are there hot Hollywood types? Are there other attractive young women? Well, I was with two of my girlfriends.

Mhm. And there was one particularly attractive monk. Wait a second. You went there with two of your friends, but then you couldn't speak to them. Why Why go with your friends if you can't talk to them?

We played hookie from a couple of the events. Do you uh I see. And where do you sleep? You you sleep there? Yeah, you sleep in a, you know, four to a room on a like a, you know, kind of a futon thing.

Oh, you love working meditation where you you pull weeds, they give you a job, you know, because you should you should work. You should follow your breath. And sometimes the nuns tell you, "Don't work so hard." And uh I took that advice very seriously and took a nap.

Oh my god. The whole thing sounds terrible. I know it does. It sounds terrible, but on the other hand, I I could see it being sort of rejuvenating from a spiritual standpoint.

Exactly. You have to be in touch with your suffering so you can process and move forward.

All right, I'm with you. I mean, I would never never do in a billion years, but I do feel like we're bombarded with stimuli and input and would probably be the best trick anyone ever played on you to plop you down on some island with no electricity like my home. You can just come to my house next time. Next time you want to tune out and turn off the Corolla House. Yes, because the power I guarantee the power is cut off. Well, you know, it's funny. Jimmy Jimmy's man butler called on Friday wanted to know if our power was off on Friday because of course his power their power Jimmy who lives down the street from me, their power was off as well on Friday. I mean, it's literally where we live. It's literally out 15 20 days out of the year, which is is a exquisite inconvenience. Like a wild and you you don't realize how disruptive it is, how much it fs up a weekend when that thing pops off on a Saturday night

at 9:00 and all a sudden the whole whole house goes dead. It is you're officially ruined until it goes back on. And lots of arguing, lots of scrambling around, lots of where's the goddamn candles, lots of Let me tell you something about the rechargeable flashlight, sweetie. IT UNLESS IT'S RECHARGED, IT'S NO GOOD TO ANYBODY, YOU KNOW, LIKE you get into these things, the stuff in the fridge is resetting the clocks on every on the on the oven. It It's just It is the biggest wildest inconvenience in the world. And uh it's one of these things too where I live where it's like the answer is well why does the power go out every 10? They got a transformer from the from the 20s.

It just keeps you know they keep throwing a BAND-AID ON. HOW ABOUT SOMEBODY FIX IT?

BUT YOU HARDLY PAY ANY taxes at Oh yeah. No. No. I know. And once in a while because someone else, another friend of mine, Donnie on the hill put in to the to the to the water and power thing there. He was like, "Hey, I got a TV set that's blown up now and I want you to buy me a new one." They're like, "Well, fill out the paperwork and send it in. You You fill it out and send it in." They go, "Nah." They send it back. Sorry, we rejected it. We took a vote. We decide not to pay.

We decide not to pay you. I'm sure they're very fair. Oh, they're very equitable.

You lose. So, you don't have to deal with hassles like that in the Buddhist mud house.

Well, I would also say, look how much you take for granted your electricity until you don't have it.

I know. Well, just go camping. What do you go pay people to tell you you're not allowed to talk for two days for?

All right, let's uh push forward. I'm getting upset. Azie, the great Ozman is in here. He's going to do uh Oh, you mean Dupri? It says here, me, you, and Dupri, but that's how that's how he says it.

All right, now I'm going insane. He'll be in. We'll talk to Chief Thunder Bear. Also, uh Billy West, Voiceman extraordinaire Billy West is coming in. Memphis, Monroe, porn star Bill Simmons, ESPN Sports Guy, all that still coming up after this. The restraining order said you couldn't call that chick anymore, so call us instead. 86691 Adam, the Adam Corolla Show. I say Adam and he says I say Hoffman and he says

Adamang Hoffman. That's just how Oswaldo talks. I say racist and he says racist. I say confusion and he says confusion.

Racist racist. Confusion. That's just how Oswaldo talks. I I've been working on this movie with Azie for the last month and I'm now convinced there's no word that I want him to say that he can properly say. His is his his greatest pinnacle is uh last week when I want him to wanted him to mispronounce the word jab and say yab. Cannot do it. Cannot mispronounce the word the way he would mispronounce it.

Azie, what gives? Hi. Say yab. Y. See, he says jab. It's beautiful. If I wanted him to say jab, he'd say yab.

Y. Say it again. No. No. No. Y. No. Yab. Y. Yab. Yab. Yab. Yab. Yab. Yab. Yab. This is the problem. You know, I told you

with every word though, you know. No, no, no, no, no. One second. One second. Say, let's see. Say say whip.

Whip. Oh, you say whip. [ __ ] Whip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to get him to say that. It was a whip.

It's whip. Whip. It's not whit. All right. Azie is such a fine thespian, by the way, that last night at uh 11:00 in the evening, we're standing at the Ash in Van Eyes. Whole store is closed down. Doing a scene at the cash register. At a certain point, he has to chime into the conversation. Azie cannot figure out when to chime into the conversation I'm having with these two lesbians. So, he's taking a cue from uh from one of the guys off behind camera. Just point at Azie over his head and Azie jump in and says one word when it's time to jump in. Except for Azie got caught up reading a label that was in the basket that we're pushing. And I was like, "What? You got to cue Aussies like I queued Aussie.

Where was Aussie? He didn't jump in. He was reading a label that was IN THE BATCH. WHILE WE'RE shooting contained,

what was the product? It was knee pads. We were We were at a We were at an Orchard Supply and Hardware store was reading the warning label on knee pads and it was that involved in the scene. Everybody,

what was the one word? you know um before I take the problem you know for I know listen you and and and the lesbian you know talk to yellow you know

I I I miss you know the part and the coming in yeah yeah after this you know they clear you know

aie do you look at your lines when you go home you do no you don't you have no idea what's going on

he shows up on set he has no idea what's going on every day after this you know I make it very good you know and the time I listen the the the the lady and the lady make it very smart, you know. And they say, you know, the line, you know, for why you why you why you make it, man? You know, and see, look at me and say, "Why you looking, man?"

What in the hell did he just say? I have no idea. All I know is he had to wait 30 seconds into the conversation to watch a guy named Rod the uh DP give him a point with the finger and he drifted off reading a warning label on an e-ad.

There's only one thing. Yeah. Okay, buddy. All right. Where are we? He looks like a sunbaked Ian McShane from Deadwood by the way, doesn't he?

You're looking good, Azie. What movie? And you see uh early, you know, in the internet def.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. I can't wait. Oh, let me let me just uh add one more thing to my power outage nightmare. When I got home at 11:30 last night, the last thing I saw when the entourage Entourage, which I toed, stopped 8 minutes in because the power must have kicked off when it was recording. There were no other lights on in the house except for my big TV set, which I smartly hooked up to a generator. I hooked the TV set, the refrigerator up, and the ceiling fan in the bedroom. Thank Christ be dead without any one of those three things. The very last thing I saw last night before I went to bed, blew out the candles, literally, and went to bed was a spider. Just the spider in front of the illuminated TV set screen. The pit, the house was pitch black, except for the 55 in TV. And that spider doing the very slow repelling thing where it sticks its little legs out in a prone position and goes right

past the TV set on the ground is the last goddamn thing I saw. AS I MADE WATER, my morning started. I stumble. I stagger in darkness into the bathroom. I turn the light on. I start to make my water. And I turn to my right. And within 18 in of MY FACE, THERE'S A SPIDER HANGING from a thread.

Yes. Screamed like a woman. That was the last thing I saw was somewhere now in the den on the floor. There were no lights to try to find it. So, I just scured up to bed.

The end of a perfect day. Yes, that's what I thought. I said I should really just kill myself. What? This joke has gone on long enough. Called life, hasn't it? Let's just end it. All right, Oz Man. You saw

fire attack. You saw you, Me and Dupree. Thanks, buddy. Tell us about the movies. We want to know which movies you have seen. Go ahead. Tell us.

The movie I saw this weekend was You, Me, and Dream. Mhm. The movie star Kudson is Molly Peterson.

Mhm. Matt Dylong. Matt. Matt. Matt. Dong is Car Peterson. Carl Peterson. Carl Peterson. Sorry.

All right. Owen Wilson is Dri. Mhm. and Michael Douglas play Mr. Thompson Poly's papa.

The movie about a couple who are starting a new life together but but not only problem is the husband best friend Dupri.

Mhm. In the film I saw a lot the occasion where Dupri made made the bad thing in innocent.

Made bad things and innocent. Innocent. Yeah. What's that mean? uh he making you know bad thing you know and suppose he know how information you know make a problem you know for the for the friend

well yeah so I say my theory is always if you get off the microphone it clears things up ALMOST IMMEDIATELY

WHAT that's better now he didn't mean he snapped into focus trouble happened but

yeah he's innocent uh-huh um it show the problem with the friend and wife Molly Dri make it matter worse

Mhm. Mhm. explanation change in change machine. You know, you have a uh in your home and somebody some friend you know one sample rate.

Mhm. Right. And Ray, you know the time you leaving to work make it call the make your answer machine and change the answer machine and put it number one Ray. You need to talk to Car Molly.

Number three. Uh-huh. He got in there. He made himself at home. Yeah. He make know lot of lot of things.

Mhm. He make a masturbation in the living room. He make a masturbation in the living room.

Watch, you know, porn movies. Oh, invitation friend, you know, for make a party. Sure.

Honestly, be honest. Have you Have you ever done that to yourself in Adam's house?

Silent. Silent. Big mouth. Big mouth. Who? Dave has a big mouth. Yeah. I ratted you out. Your secret is out.

Oh my god. Uh uh uhuh. What happened to the the the other uh movie you have? You know, remember

what movie? Pornos. Is a joke coming? I sense a joke. Yeah, I am missing a few pornos. I assume my wife gets rid of them every once in a while and I can't say anything

in a great purge. Well, you know, like if like you go out into the yard to play some hoops and then it's back into lockdown and you can't find that shiv you've been making, what are you going to do? Go to the warden. Hey, where's my

I was whittling a shiv out of a soup ladle. What the f? It was It was It was in my hollowedout book. Where is it now? I don't see it anywhere. Somebody owes me. You can't do anything when porn's missing from the house. Look, let me tell let me tell something. All the people that go to houses, the plumbers, electricians, the people that make these clean car, go ahead and steal the porn and leave. It's not like the guy the guy will assume the old lady found it and threw it out. He'll never bring it up.

Same goes for a vibrator. I'm not going to call and go, "Who took it?" Yeah. Send to me, you know, the old the old collection, the porno magazine. You bring it to me.

Oh, I did. My wife threw away. Really? Well, Azie now keeps porno in his storage locker, by the way. He explained to me later on when he does his review of the Memphis Monroe film he was on the set of, he has a storage locker where he keeps all his autograph porn.

Convenient. Nice. Go ahead, Azie. Okay. And he make a lot of things. He make a lot of things.

And B the living room, you know, he make a song candle candle, you know, for make sex with some lady.

Mhm. Put candles and burn down the living room. Kendo, you know, b the living room.

Mhm. The best part, you me and Dupri is when car coming back for Molly. Carl. Carl coming back for Molly.

Carl. I didn't think no like car. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Just Carl. Carl.

That's not car. Carl. No, wait. It ends with an L. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl. Carl.

Okay. All right. uh take it dupri and made him leave it the househ you me and dupri left this reviewer call

me say something this will be a first if he does yes uh say uh welcome to my is come back to Canada for see my my my cousin take operation the last and my sister uh coming from New York.

Mhm. And my little nephew uh need uh Kiara is here in LA for vacation. Landing with a large family, you rarely hear about that.

Okay, Oz. Uh nice job. You know what I love about Oswaldo is he the first eight times you ask him to repeat something he's not saying right, he says it exactly same the same as the first time. Which is interesting because I'm wondering what you think people are going to do. Like if you go the guy's name is Carl and you pronounce it car and I go Carl and then you say car five times in a row. Here's a Whenever you have to repeat something, go ahead go ahead and modify it. Whatever you did last time, do not do an exact replica of that because it's not it's not working.

That's why I asked you to repeat it the first time. All right, Oz Man, am I going to see you later today?

Yeah, thank you. Maybe I make a porno review. Yeah. Oh, porno review. That's right. Hey, you were on you.

You're a hardworking man. You were on the set. On the set? Yeah. What was that, Aussie?

Oh, how was that being on the set? Oh, god. It was good stuff. Were they making a sex?

Yeah, I see. Oh, a lot of things. They were sexing on each other. Yeah. Okay. And you got to stay in there.

You know, they invite to me. I I see the guy, but maybe not take a confusion. He was confused. Thought thought maybe you were you were in the movie. Yeah, I mean.

Okay, buddy. I I I sweat. I You know. All right, buddy. You don't have to You don't have to do the Jo move with your right hand for us to know you're speaking in the language of love. All right, we're going to take ourselves a quick break. News in sports coming up. News. What's coming up in the news?

Well, aside from filling you in on what's going on in the Middle East, uh we've got some entertainment news. A pop star and musician pulled off a secret wedding. A boss tops the worst boss list. And you will not believe what this guy did. Also, a 911 call marks the lowest depth a single woman can possibly attain. And I will play that 911 call for you.

Oh, really? I think I heard about this, but I've not heard the actual call. So, all that as well as uh porn star Memphis Monroe, Bill Simmons, Sports Guy, all still coming up. Coming up this morning on the Adam Corolla Show, porn star Memphis Monroe is in the studio and Azie is going to review her latest movie.

While we got Harry failure to comm communicate, one of the voices from Futurama, Crank anchors and Renan Stimpy.

Happy happy joy joy joy. Billy West, Chief Thunderbear offers dating advice. Give Adam a call at 86691 Adam. This is the Adam Corolla show.

Yes, it is. But before all that, it is time with the newly centered Terresa Straa and the news.

Well, British Prime Minister Tony Blair and UN Secretary General Kofi Anan called for the deployment of international troops today to stop escalating violence in the Middle East. The death toll there is over 200 and mounting after a weekend of air strikes by both Israel and Hezbollah. Meanwhile, President Bush, unaware that his microphone was live, was very blunt in his frustration. This during a G8 lunchon, he was talking to Tony Blair. And he he knew he had a microphone on, but he wasn't aware that it was picking up audio. And we actually have the audio here is him talking to Tony Blair. The irony is that what they need to do is get serious.

Yeah, we got to get uh Hezblah to stop doing that. S is No, look, you know, when these guys become human beings and get off the goddamn teleprompter for 10 seconds, I like them that much more. I don't know. You know, these guys end up getting punished for speaking their mind or dropping an Sbomb here or there. For me, they just become a human being for the first 10 minutes in their life. That's why I don't understand why they read that wooden teleprompter every time and they're so diplomatic and they're so poised. Just get in there and speak.

Speak from the heart there, brother. You want these guys dead. We're with you. In

many cases, I would agree, but I don't think that would be a great idea for George Bush to be speaking off the cuff regularly.

It would be a disaster. I agree. All right. Uh oh, wait a second. Wait a second. We have a caller on the phone here.

Stephen. Yeah, Stephen is uh this is uh Steven Green. He's a childhood friend of our producer, Brusket. He also was was the uh the electrician on my TLC show. the only Jew in the trades, by the way.

Not many of us, right? No, there are not not uh not many stupid enough to work all day in the hot sun doing uh electrical work. You're uh I I you know, thing I like about you is I know uh quite a few Jews, but they're sort of even keeled types. Yeah. They're leftwing. They're moderate. They don't believe in violence. I like you. You're super commando Israeli Jew. Yeah,

that's right. That's right. Well, what I don't know anything about this whole Middle Eastern conflict other than it will never go away. So, what do you do? You have any solutions?

Well, I I just heard Azy's review and I think the only solution is we send him over to mediate this because it'll take about a hundred years for them to figure out what he's saying.

That's a good point. Azie distracts him by mispronouncing their names. Yeah. Other than that, we we need to just uh I I would like to say kill them all like you just said, but I don't think that's the answer cuz they'll just keep producing and they'll have more kids and then we'll just have to keep killing them all. What they got to do

is basically build a wall around Israel and not allow anybody in just like we got to do here with Mexico.

Mhm. And that's it. Simple, right? But then you're you it's like you're living in a gated community and you never get to leave.

Yeah. Yeah, but the gated communities, the highest uh most affluent neighborhoods here, right?

Yeah. Everybody will want to get in, but they can't afford to get in. That's how it should be.

But they're sending rockets in right now. And there's no fence high enough to stop a rocket.

No. What they have to do as far as the Hezbollah and the Hamas and Iran. What's going to happen is something good out of the whole thing. And what's going to happen is Bush is going to quietly tell Israel, "Do me a favor. I'm doing so bad here in America. Do me a favor. go bomb Iran and and get rid of this uh all this problem I have there and all all the nonsense that they have building an atomic bomb. You're giving an atomic bomb to basically the Bloods in the Crips over there. I mean, it's crazy.

It's absolutely ridiculous. What would you do, Stephen, if you were in charge? If I How would you handle it?

Well, first me and Aussie would head over there, right? And uh why don't you take your friend Brusk and his fists of fury over there? He makes some hay. Listen, Bruska wouldn't take nothing from anybody. He'd fight every one of them right there in the streets.

Would he win? He wouldn't win, but he'd keep fighting. He'd get up. He'd heal. He'd heal and he'd fight again. He'd heal. He'd fight again.

Back to the news. What would you do? What would you do? What I would definitely

What is the solution? The only solution is just a wall. That's it. No, the wall is is Is that just extra? That's just a bonus in the end because 5 years from now, they're going to start all over again. The only thing you can do I is what they're doing is bombard these people and make their lives a living hell that eventually the moderates in these Arab countries say, "You know what? I'm tired of getting bombed. I'm tired of my kids dying. We got to stand up to all these lunatics who want to blow themselves up for for the Quran and and anything." Who knows who wrote the Quran? It could have been a guy like Azie 400 years ago, a thousand years ago decided, "I'm going to screw it everybody. Watch this.

Everyone's following it." Who knows really who wrote it? How about my plan to move them all to Baja Mexico? All the Israelis just pack it up and move. As long as they're there, they're going to be targets. Why would you want to do that? Who would want to live looking over your shoulder at a wall? You never get to go on a bus without thinking about it. You never get to go eat at a pizzeria without thinking about what a life. Why don't the Israelis just pick it up and leave? Who cares?

Listen, it's a great idea, but the problem is is these fundamentalists, they don't care. It's just Israel's there now. So, they're a good target. What do you think? They blame the West. They blame the What the hell did we ever do to them? And even if we did, Indonesia, they blew up this week. What did the Indonesian people? They could barely keep their head above water over there. And and and these people are blowing them up now. It has nothing to do with it. Is if you don't follow the way they want to live like from a thousand years ago, you know, they they want to kill you. I mean, they literally have their daughters if if they go out on a date with a guy, they shamed the family. They have them killing themselves. I read in the paper.

Stephen, what about Didn't Israel take their land, though? Seriously, Israel basically took their land.

Listen, we took California. We're not giving it back to all the Mexicans. Well, we kind of are.

We didn't agree to anything. Well, slowly take it over. Signing it over. How do How do you feel about a two-state solution?

Two-state? What two-state solution is there? Just so you're not able to live together.

Listen, here's my belief, Stephen. And as you know from working with me, I don't believe that there's any difference in any people. That there's no good people and there's no bad people. They're all the same.

Just rich and poor. Yes. That's right. That's right. Well, here's what I think. I think Stephen the electrician should become our chief political correspondent.

We do need someone We need someone on our foreign desk. Even Ke. Yes. He's like Wolf Blitzer from Brooklyn.

All right. Hang hang tight, Stephen. We'll uh we'll get back with you. Well, probably in a couple weeks, so probably don't have to stay on hold, but whenever there's trouble in the Middle East, we'll check in with uh Stephen objectivity.

Okay. Should we get back to the news? Sure. Okay. I was going to report on the tsunami, but I can't take any more depressing news. Something

What happened? There was another earthquake out somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. In uh same place in Indonesia, 6ft tsunami. Um five people so far reported dead according to the AP.

Yeah. the result of another earthquake in the Indian Ocean. Mhm. So that's depressing.

I thought we were going to have that whole tsunami alert thing in place by then.

There was an alert, but there wasn't much people could do. I think they tried to evacuate the beach and there was an alert this time, but still

Well, five people. Well, obviously it was way worse before, but it's terrible when there's any loss of life. Okay, now on to something fun, but not fun for one Oregon woman. She was being too loud, so the neighbor called the cops. The cops showed up. They asked her to turn down her music or whatever she was doing that was too loud and the cops left. But the woman got it in her mind that one of the cops was kind of attractive. She didn't really know how to reach him.

So, she decided to use 911 as her own personal booty call. This is the actual audio of this woman's 911 call.

911. Do you need fire medical or police? No, ma'am. I don't. I don't have an emergency. Police officer just left my house just now. Can I get the names, please? Did you throw them back my way? Do you need him to come back there? Oh, I'd like that. Yeah. Why do you need him to come back there? Oh, because I have an emergency. I'll I'll think of something. Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you. Okay. I just thought it was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd like to meet him again. But I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911.

Well, the same cop did show up, only showed up and arrested her for abusing the 911 system. She could face a year in prison.

Is that right? They actually sent the copy guy. Yeah, because he was the one that was patrolling that area.

Oh, sweet irony. I wouldn't do that. I mean, if I were him, I mean, I I' I'd give her a slap on the wrist, but I'd be flattered. Wouldn't you be flattered? I mean, just show up and then go, "Look, I'd come up and I'd go, "Look, I'm going to go back and get on the radio and say banged on the door and nobody came to the door and the lights were off, so I'm going back. If you want someone else to come out in the morning, they can, but I want to just let it go." Wouldn't you? I'll just be flattered by it.

She did break the law. And I guess 911 is used for, you know, crisis. Yeah. Let me let me ask you this, though. What is the big difference between this uh horny old broad calling the place trying to get herself a little man tail and my uh faka old neighbors calling 911 and getting the cops over to my New Year's party 3 or 4 years ago at 9:30 in the evening?

Both are an abuse of the system. That's what I'm saying. Well, last night Lance Armstrong hosted the ESPs.

And uh some people think testicular cancer isn't funny, but the cyclist poked a little fun at himself. He sort of asked, you know, why am I here? Why am I hosting these awards? And here's his answer.

I told the producers I'd give my left nut to host this thing. Obviously, he lost his left left testicle to cancer.

Right. Well, good to have a sense of humor about that. How was that, by the way? I didn't see a second of it. Lance Armstrong was funny in his opening opening monologue and then Nighty Night for me.

I can't bring myself to watch that nonsense. Why not? Completely contrived manufactured awards for nothing. Well, but all awards shows sort of start off that way. I mean, the Oscars and the Grammys started off that way. I'm sure there were a bunch of people with their arms folded when they did the first Oscar saying, "Please awards for acting." And now it's become accepted.

Well, but they do things like the best team. The Pittsburgh Steelers won for best team over the Chicago White Sox and Miami Heat. Based on what? But if if they played football, the Steelers would win. If they played basketball, the Heat would win. I don't understand. Well,

are they better? It's retire. Well, I I think if you're the New York Yankees and you're payroll of several hundred billion dollars and your odds on favor to win and you do win, then you're not going to get best team. If you come from some small market, you don't have much budget and your quarterback's undersized, then maybe you will win, I guess.

Let's talk about bad bosses, shall we? There's a website called workingamea.org, and it conducts a contest for the worst boss, soliciting stories about terrible things that have happened to you at work. You can win a week's vacation, a thousand bucks. Now, there's an early favorite to win this. A California man, this is so atrocious, he was sent flowers by his boss at a financial institution because the man's father had died. So when he got his paycheck, he noticed that his paycheck was $200 light. He'd been docked for the flowers

since by his own boss. Yeah. After the death of his father. Fantastic. Who's that? Uh I don't know if I don't know if Jack Silver, our boss, would have a problem with that or not. I just think he's pretty frugal.

Ace, how's the weekend? Yeah. How's it going there, Jack? I got to tell you that doesn't print for me.

DOESN'T. NOW THROWING COMPANY'S MONEY AWAY LIKE THAT, RIGHT? You're saying you would definitely deduct the 200. THAT'S RECALCULUS AS THE ACE MAN WOULD SAY.

YES. WELL, why say ridiculous when you can say recalculus? Jack has told me he told me about this story in the hall that he even if he spent 80 bucks on the flowers, he still would have deducted 200.

Just don't competude with me, bro. All right. All right, Jack. Sorry. Hey, Jack Silver, you're going to like this story cuz it involves something the hip young kids are interested in.

Mhm. Uh Aver Lavine got married over the weekend to some 41 singer Derek Wibli in Monaceto, California. Ail's 21. Dererick's 26. They're engaged for about a year now. I I realized that I only had heard of Sum 41 because Averro Lavine was with the guy from 41.

Well, they've been around for five, six years. This is them. Yeah, they have a couple this hot couple.

We're hitting the DEMO HERE. THIS IS GOOD STUFF. WELL, I try I try. I like I I find her very cute, but I would love to wipe the smile off her face in the bedroom. I I really would. Yes. There's a handful of I don't know what it is, but there's a handful of chicks where I just think, "Oh, boy. I would like, you know, oh, you're so sassy and you got an attitude and you're all 53. You don't worry. I'll give you what for.

I'll give you what for." Yeah. There's the I'd like to make sweet, sweet whoopy to you chicks. And then there's uh it's payback time.

Who's this? Ail. Oh yeah. And then you'd wipe the smile off her face. Perhaps one of her own songs.

Mhm. That's what I'd do. and she'll wipe something else off her face. I don't feel well. All right. Lastly, in weekend box office news, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest rad 62.2 million, making it the number one movie for this year.

Well, what was number two? Number two was Little Man. How does that work? Let me just tell you something. I I must I must be sent back to another planet to be recalibrated because I'm way my compass is way off. Whenever I see these Wayne's Brothers movies, whether it's White Chicks or Little Man or whatever, I just see the commercials and I'm like, "Oh my god, is there a person on the planet that will see the schllock? It just the they I can't find 30 seconds a redeeming a redeeming 30 seconds of the movie just for the goddamn trailer, let alone the hour and a half that is the movie. Who was my I would love to know how much money those movies have made over, you know, Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2 and three and four and the White Chicks and stuff like that. I mean, we're into the billions at this point with those Wayne Brothers movies. We all turn our nose up and go, "Please, who is seeing this stuff?" Somebody evidently.

Well, I sort of hated myself when I rented White Chicks and then chuckled a few times. It was kind of funny. I I I hate to admit that. The Wayne's brothers.

You rented white chicks. Yeah, I was desperate. There was nothing. Hey, where are the white women at?

I'd rather go to a Buddhist monastery than watch that movie. You rented white chicks?

What happened? Well, could you just beat yourself with a belt? The good news is you're fired.

Sorry. My god, woman. You know, it had a few chuckles. You know what? You need to rent a mirror and take a good long look

and see what's just straight down to the to the nude and just look at yourself and take and take stock. Listen, I have to ask myself if enough people like something, maybe there's something to it. So, I wasn't

But the way, by the way, if you don't know the plot of Little Man, it's a slapstick farce about a pint-sized thief masquerading as a baby.

Could be funnier. Yeah. All right. I'm Theresa Straer. I apologize for renting white chicks. And that's the news.

It's time for Dave Damashek's number one sports. Number one sports. Do it. Dave,

I hope you did take 10 15 minutes of your uh your meditation at the Buddhist monastery to ask yourself, why did I rent that picture?

Well, I spend at least 90% of re of my time thinking of reasons to hate myself.

Good. Good girl. Good girl. National pastime. Dodgers limp through their first series since the All-Star vacation. Bums got swept by the Cardinals in St. Louis.

All right. What are they now? Well, we'll get to that. But even the mighty Brad Penny couldn't stop the bleeding. He got the loss yesterday. I do hesitate to bring it up. Very happy to know. Ace, the Dodgers are now 46 up, 46 down.

Oh, a mere 90 games into the very short season. They're 46 and 46. So, if the season starts tomorrow, where are they? Ahead or behind or where are they?

They're two and a half back of the Padres's as are the Gigantics. First record though is exactly the same as it was in February 26. Yes. Yes. First place have lost three straight. They lost yesterday the Philly Filthies. I mean, I'm sorry, the San Francisco Gigantics lost to the Philly Filthies. And that one, Barry the Cree Bonds hit his 13th home run of the season. He hit it off the Phillies. Brett Meyers, who just came back from a leave of absence after he got arrested on a Boston street corner for slapping his wife around.

Some matchup. Bonds the creep versus this guy. Bud seing must be busting with pride.

He smacked his wife around out on a city street. Yes. Take that inside. Yeah, I will always do that or bring my old lady inside the car before I beat on her, but I'll never do it outside.

That's what makes you disagree with that. Snakes of Arizona lost to their three back. Junior circuit Halo's red hot. They've won 11 of the last 12 after dumping the Devil Race yesterday. the Halos now 46 and 45.

You know what? I owe everyone an apology because uh back before these 185 games were played many months ago, I said both teams were going to be 500 right around the All-Star break. And as it turns out, one of the teams is 500 and the other one's one GAME OFF OF 500. YOU UNDERSTAND OUR TWO TEAMS, the Dodgers and the Angels, one is 46 and 46, the other's 46 and 45. AND BY THE END OF TODAY, THEY'LL BOTH BE 46 AND 46. Fantastic sport, everybody.

IF YOU DON'T LOVE OUR NATIONAL PASTIME, I I bid you good pastime. Make way to the if that's a better way.

By the way, pastime, what you call a movie a pastime? Would you call a handy from a happy happy ending to a nice oriental massage? A pastime? Pastime is what you do when you're waiting to die. That's why this sport sucks. 46 and 46. And just another 80 games to go. Everybody, hold on.

You're just upset cuz you know that what I said to you the other day was true. You couldn't get a hit off a major league.

Yes, I could. First place Oakland Athletics win in Boston. Seattle Mariners lost an extre to the Toronto baseball organization. Hey, did you hear about uh Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro? He was on death's door, but now he seems to be doing well. And in fact, his doctors over the weekend described him in a as being in a good frame of mind.

Yeah, I like that. Good. I hear he spent the weekend at a Buddhist monastery. That's what got him right together.

I'll tell you who we need to put down his his vets because one minute two weeks ago they're all over the news. Oh no, he's fine. He's back. We got a total success. And then I see him on the news on like Wednesday or Thursday going, "Uh, he's got between 18 and 24 hours. He will be put down this time tomorrow." Now I come back over the weekend and it's like, "Oh, no. He's doing good."

Yeah. Well, which is it you? And by the way, how many parts does a horse have? You know what I mean? You're working on the thing's legs. You can't figure out the thing's hoof. You can't figure this out.

Well, they didn't deal with such modeling stuff uh last night on the ESP awards. As I said, I couldn't bring myself to watch. It's too uncomfortable. Lance Armstrong does comedy. Then they do then they do stories about the persecution of young girls who can't play sports in the Middle East. And you're and then they cut to to you know Mike Tyson listening to this. It's very strange. I don't like watching it. It's all arbitrary. Hey, ESPN, who cares what you think is the best at anything? How you rank anything? Which reminds me.

All right, let's do some rankings here. I want to I want to rank something. I'm the foremost ranker. ESPN's trying to get in on my thunder. Now, I was thinking I had a delicious piece of meat over the weekend for uh

What was his name? For breakfast. Oh, you. Now, I want to rank the best uh I want to I want to give you the weekly ring.

Hold on. T's not done laughing at you. Let me catch my breath. All right. It was ahead. It was Bruska. Now, best breakfast meets. Now, I want to remind you these are the weekly rankings. You know, nothing's set in stone till the end of the year. But just to let you know where we stand right now. Number five,

Canadian bacon. Mhm. All right. Number four, the sausage link. Not the sausage patty, mind you. I hate the sausage patty.

What? That's an outrage patty. I want the sausage. I want the snap of the link. Don't give me that. Uh,

I'll give you the hamburg right in the ass. All right, number three. Bone and ham grilled up in the pan.

Bone in ham. It's delicious. Number two. Hamas has a has an M at the end. You know, it's not bone in. This is so much more gripping than the essence.

THAT'S MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU. I agree. Tune in. Number two, thick cut bacon. Bacon.

THICK CUT BACON. WHAT IS THICK CUT BACON? WHERE DO YOU GET IT? Where do you get thick cut bacon?

There are certain There are certain breakfast at the store. They know their business. They give it to you the

I dismiss this list because of you and your sausage pan. Number one, it was absolutely delicious. I've missed it for a little while. Mhm.

Put it in a pan and you have stamped your ticket to heaven. Polish kilbasa. Sounds a thing.

All right. All right. You've gotten back. I I'll tell you this about the kilbasa. Kbasa is nice. Sometimes I find myself fighting with a little while I'm trying to cut it. You know, they do the split and the casing's a little flighting with it. No, no. When it's on the plate.

Oh, I see. You do the They do the split kasa there. You find you find it's nice. You find

Let me make Let me make a little suggestion to you. Pre-slice it in the in the little uh you know in the little rings.

Morsels. Yes. All right. I got to tell you though, I I do enjoy the sausage patty. When the sausage patty wicks up some of the syrup from the pancakes, you get this.

Yes, I enjoy that with my toast. There are many there are many strong contenders. I'm sorry. There only five spots on the list.

I understand. Dave Pittsburgh Penguin speaks again. Dave Tamashek's number one sports.

All right. Well, Chief Thunder Bear has now entered the hall. I see him attempting to communicate, although I I wouldn't put a lot of faith in that. 86691 Adam, if you have some uh need some dating advice, Teresa Straer not only speaks fluent Chuck, but uh she does know dating as well. So, she's going to shepherd Chief Thunder Bear through this process. You call in 86691 Adam Chief Thunder Bear after this.

Young men, you need help with your date or young girl, a problem with your mate? Well, just call him. He'll be happy to help. You don't even need to speak chalk. Teresa translates for sheep thunder bear. Chief thunder bear. He'll tell you everything that you need to know on the Adam Cor show.

Well, we're back. 86691 Adam. Call in if you need some advice from Chief Thunder Bear. Let me go get him. He's in the hallway now.

Chief Thunder Bear. Come on in. Sit down. Welcome, Chief. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Same to you.

Do you want to say anything before we begin, Chief Thunder Bear? wonk ranking bear sausage patty.

I totally agree. And it's a good thing Dave doesn't speak chaos. The chief is very upset.

May Buffalo rape sibling. Here's the thing. The the chief wish something very bad on you and I don't feel comfortable translating.

Okay. The chief would like me to take some calls and he That was I am I'm going as fast as I can. I really am.

Yeah. Okay. Uh Tony, you've got a problem. Yeah, I'm uh I live in La Hoya in uh near San Diego, of course. And uh I'm a black guy here in San Diego.

Chief also speaks a little Yiddish. Exactly. Chief, you understand my problems. Well, you got a big compliment obviously from the chief. So, what what is your what is your problem out there in San Diego?

Dating just I I meet women all the time who say, you know, Tony, you're a great guy. You're you're very attractive. I'm I'm you know, I'm a nurse. I'm I'm successful.

Nurse. Well, yeah, but I'm an ER nurse, so it's kind of Tony, a chief wants to know, do you feel like women aren't impressed with your job title?

No, I don't think so at all. A lot of women are very impressed with the fact that I'm a nurse.

Black candy stripe. The chief is cracking himself up. Tony, what do you think is is your problem so that the chief can can correctly diagnose? I honestly think that uh although women find me attractive and everything like that, it's just when they think about the ideal guy, I'm not it. No one weird shoes black mandingo.

Tony, do what kind of shoes do you wear? Uh I don't know. I wear 11 and a half uh suks. at you. Velcro.

Are you a stylishly dressed man? I I am. I've been accused of being a metrosexual. Please, no nurse jokes.

Okay. So, you're a nurse and you dress metrosexually. You know, there might be women that are interested in that. Maybe you're just not looking in the right places.

Women with penis. The chief is upset. He thinks you're a little bit feminine. He also said that I look especially thin today. My chalk isn't that good, but I'm pretty sure that's what he said.

Meditate on totem Paul, Tony. Was that helpful for you? Chief says to hang up on you. Billy Moses, our web master,

is calling in for some advice. Okay. Dances with cleft pallet. Chief wants to know, Billy, what what he can help you with.

Hi, Chief. How are you doing today? Mhm. G E D G A Y. The chief is really on a on a on his game today.

Good stuff. They're going to change his name to runs with soupy sales. Yeah. Oh, yes, I know. Okay,

first of all, I I just had a quick question real quick. I want to know if the Chief Thunder Bear thinks my bits on the show are funny.

Jack, the chief wants Jack Silver's opinion on this. And of course, when the Chief invokes somebody, they immediately appear.

Mhm. THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BILLY ON THE AIR, OF COURSE, BILLY ON THE PHONE. TERESA, can you translate? Uh, I don't know if THE CHIEF UNDERSTANDS DYNAMITE BIT. THIS IS FANTASTIC. DON'T WANT TO HECK AT JOHN and Jeff.

The the the chief isn't that isn't that happy with other radio personalities sometimes, but you know, Billy, what what else can the chief help you with?

Well, I was just wondering um I like a a certain female in the work area where I work and uh I need some advice on how to ask her out because she's a little bit older than me.

Okay. Um, any any hints on who that might be? Uh, well, she reads the news for a specific show around the area.

Uhoh. Chief, what would you say? What would you say to young Billy? Nana 17. 29. Let me The Chiefs say,

let me translate. Uh, not a chance in hell. Oh, really? That's what in Chalkaw. That's what And also he was pointing out, right? Sometimes sometimes in Chalkaw, a few words can mean a lot. And one thing that the chief was trying to convey there, Billy, is that sometimes a workplace relationship is not a great idea because if it goes badly, you're going to have to see that person every day. And also, there is a significant age difference as you are 17 and I of course am 29. Euro pass.

But of course, just if it's lunch, you know, it's innocent. You know, IT'S GET SHINE BOX. NOW,

GO HOME AND get your shine box. The chief loves the mob movies. It's a funny thing. Funny. She's a quirky guy. Okay, we're going to one quick blessing for if you could just just a blessing for Billy Moses to pass his GED.

Junior college live at home longer than tad major in hacky shack. Never get delayed.

I feel the power. I feel the power. We're going to Chief, are you ready? Can you give one last bit of advice to one of our

Yeah, okay. Sean. Yeah. Hey. Um, so there's this girl and she emailed me a few times and she gave me her number

and uh called her. Do you believe me? Smoke mail. I'm sorry. The chief has been smoking.

Smoke mail. Not the only one. Yeah. Uh, so I called her and but she didn't seem that interested and you know she was with a few friends so I had you know I'm I told her I'd call her back but I you know I'm sort of nervous about that now.

Let me get this straight for for the chief. So you first emailed and then you called?

Well she emailed me. She emailed you. So she initiated the contact and then you called her and she seemed disinterested.

Yeah. What what what was it about her that made her seem disinterested? I don't know. restraining order.

See, you might not know this, but on the reservation sometimes they have sweat lodge ceremonies and sometimes now they have roasts. Hey, how are you? Hey, how are you? Sean.

Yeah. What the chief is saying is that you you you may have incorrectly interpreted her disinterest on the

head. No, Sherlock. Hey, check. The chief Thank you. I I sometimes my advice is obvious, the chief says. But um are you going to call her back? And and and do you know can the chief help you on what you should say to the girl when you call her back?

Yeah, that would probably help too. for that that first thing he said help too.

Oh, thank you. Well, Chief thanks you, right? Hey, wleiana. Okay. Uh, the chief wants to practice and we do a role play. I I'm the girl who's been out. Call me and let's strike up a conversation. Okay. I'm Hello. Hi, Sean.

I'm sorry, Chief. I forgot to call for the sound effect. Thank you. I know it smells like a sweat lodge. That's Dave, not me. H.

Oh, hello. Hey, how's it how's it going? It's going very well, thanks. How are you Sean?

I'm I'm good, thanks. Uh, are you busy today? Chief, help me out. Dances with hand. Let me just boil down what the chief said. He thinks you could maybe be a little bit more confident in your approach.

Yahi Ryah to you. Okay, Sean, can you be a little more confident in your approach as the chief suggested?

Yeah. Go ahead again. Yeah. Uh hey, what's up? It's Sean. Uh what's up with you, Sean?

Not too much. What What are you doing right now? What am I doing? No. No. Let only hope no. Put bayote and drink.

Well, I I hate to translate it, but the chief suggests that you actually drug her and that that might be your only hope. I would not

dances with Rofy. The chief Billy West. The chief would like me to hang up on you because Billy West is coming. I want to thank the chief and chief, just a small blessing to everyone you've helped today.

Hey, especially Sean. He really needs it. And Tony Ren and Stimpy, I like that, too.

Thank you, Chief. Yeah. Hey, Chief's got to run. He's got a noon screening of Pirates.

Oh, son of a [ __ ] I'd love to see that movie with him. He's psyched. And he can smoke out in there, too, because it's a whole ceremonial thing. Yeah, he gets a pass. No, they can't. It's a cultural thing. All right, we'll take a quick break. Billy West coming in here, the voice of uh Well, he's doing me right now.

Oh my god, it's uncanny. This is not me talking. I'm sure he was very impressed by Chief Thunderbear.

Was that was Yeah, I would think. I would think. All right. Anyway, we will uh bring him in and uh we'll be right back after this. Hey, if you're the guy who keeps leaving messages with heavy breathing, stop. You're creeping us out. And if that's not you, give us a call at 86691 Adam, the Adam Corola Show.

Right now on the Adam Corolla Show, I Chihuahua. Billy West was not only Stimpy, but this dog pal of his, Lynn,

who is Ren, right? Happy, happy, happy. Joy, joy, joy. My favorite liveaction drama.

Wait a second. Is this plan going to kill us? Hooray. Unuseful. I'm having a wonderful cause. She's a beautiful ship. All right. Shapely, seductive. I'm going to fly her brains out. I'm a certified college dropout.

Correct. This box contains our own universe. It's Billy West. Here's Adam on the Adam Corolla Show.

What's happening, Billy? Wow. Wow. What a fanfare. Billy and I live near each other. I just found out, except for on his side of the hill was on.

I found out something different uh this morning. Yes. Yes. Because I've never driven out at this early out here before. I wanted to know what it was like to drive in 1953 in Los Angeles, you know. Hey, right over here.

Oh, you're like, "Hey, the freeways work." Yeah, if you drive at 5:00 a.m., you find out it does work. It's just when everyone else hits the road at the same time, it doesn't work.

Wow. Billy West, uh, I was a huge fan of when I used to listen to him on Howard Stern and I always thought, uh, Marge shot was

that polarizes people. That was based that was based on I grew up in Boston. That was based on a what do you call it? An amalgam of of like real racist women. And I used to, you know, I'd be working in a warehouse and there'd be a black guy working with me. And the minute he left the room, she'd purse her lips and look around and then come to me and goes, "I can't stand him." "What's the matter, Jenny? What's the matter?" "Look at his arms." I said, "What's the matter?" She goes, "HE'S LIKE A GODAMN APE." AND I AND I would say, "Jenny, gee whiz, calm down." You know, and and she would just be like,

"He scares me. I'm afraid to leave here. Would it be fun? Oh, you can't hit him in the head. Oh, you'll break your hand. Oh, you can't. You're going to shoot them like an elephant behind the ear, the sock part, like they do with the hunters. No, you know, I mean, they had fairies on everything.

Yeah. I love it. You know, I I really I coming from North Hollywood, I never met anyone from Boston or that area. I had no idea what was going on. It's now they're now it's they're they're turning out to be like Germany in the ' 40s, which means it turns out they're diabolical over there. when I'm starting to meet these Bostononian sports fans. See, it turns out they're a mixture of stupid, smart, and aggressive. And and everybody over there has a sharp tongue, no matter what their job is. Guys working pallet jacks all day would make you cry after talking with them for 5 minutes about sports. I don't I don't know what it is about that region. too many colleges or too humid or a mixture of I don't know what. But everyone seems to be simultaneously smart, angry, and dumb.

It's called being Irish. Oh, is that what it is? I'm half Irish. You got to get some of those in North Hollywood. So, when did you realize that you had a gift for the

wear the green, the the puking or the corn beef and cabbage, the loser know the job, the phoning in or the sick. I think it's quaint when white people are alcoholics and can't hold down jobs and uh get in a lot of domestic disputes. I really do.

Well, Irish people, all my uncles, all the uncles of my family, like alcoholism was stacked. The deck was stacked against me, you know, and I had my boat 20 years ago with everything. But, uh, those guy, my uncles used to sleep in the doorway of the place they used to work

just to make sure they could get their Irish ass Constitution up in the morning and get in there. I made it. I made it.

It's not a bad idea. But their AA meetings were like all these kind of guys. Yeah. Great. My name is Tommy. Hi Tommy. Grateful to be here. Uh it was Thanksgiving. This is my story. It was Thanksgiving one morning and I was cooking the Chucky and uh I started drinking and I was drinking and uh and I was drinking and I uh I ran out of drinks. So I go down the cellar and I rip out all the copper tube and and take it to the scrapyard and get five bucks for it and I go drinking some more. I come home and I smell, oh, oh, Jesus, Lord, the the turkeyy's burning. And then I then I open it up and and it wasn't the turkey. I started looking around for my my cat. And the cat was

Hold on, Dave. Don't make that noise in the middle of middle of a story from Billy L.

Come here, little toy. So, how's it work? You you you must have known you had this gift early on. I mean, all kids are into doing the mimicking the teacher and the gym coach and all that stuff, but some people can do it and some people can't. I obviously can't.

You can. When did you find out that you could make a living doing it? I had no clue. My mother was always either putting AA pamphlets in front of me like hinting around, don't you think it's time you ought to talk about it with someone? Or uh she'd come in, she go, the phone company's hiring,

right? You know, she wanted me to just have a steady job. We lived in that 2x2 in square world of Roslandale, Massachusetts. That was like, you had to be a towny.

If you even showed any interest beyond that little space, people would turn on you.

Mhm. Oh, you think you're better than us? Were you better than us? Yeah. What when did you realize that, hey, I could make a buck doing this?

I started uh I played music for a living. I was a rock and roller and and you know the music was cover tunes and I I just you know I was never into it. The applause you got was for the Rolling Stones not for your version of Brown Sugar,

right? So uh you know when strings broke in those days or an amplifier blew up, there was no roies. We didn't have any roies. Uh so I would start screwing around on stage and it sort of was like comedy.

Mhm. But people would go nuts when I did voices. So they they like that better than the music,

right? So I kept messing around with that. And what was your first paying gig? Um,

you remember that one? Yeah. I mean, in the work a day world or the music world?

Well, the work a day world, the voiceover world. I worked at the uh Boston Naval Shipyard.

Mhm. When I was uh 16. Oh, that Yeah, that's a civilian job. But how how what was your first voice over? Like what's the earliest thing we could hear you doing a voice on? commercial or something like that.

Um I I was in um radio in Boston back on WBCN. I just kind of wandered in one day all hung over and I did some stuff and the guy said, "Ah, you want to start coming in?" And I said, "Okay." So, uh I I started doing little bits that I wrote and everything and it wasn't funny. It was just the voices were starting to pop out of me. So, that was my excuse for being there until I actually learned what comedy was. I still don't know. I mean, it's like there's there's a zillion comedians and there's only like three acts and so I don't know where to fall in that, but I get paid a little bit of money to go there.

Now, you can do pretty good, especially if no one can do the voice you created.

I had to do female characters. We didn't have any actresses in radio, you know, it's like go back there and do a bit on uh you know, whoever the talking meat of the day was,

you know, and to be like, you could do Morgan Fairchild. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, my name is Morgan Wolfbark and Hi. Can I speak to Adam?

You're making me hot. You know I'm an old bag, but you love me, don't you? Yeah, I do.

Oh, you know, you sound uh I have something to show you. We need to take ourselves a little break. When we come back though, Billy West's going to hang with us. He's going to read from the Star Jones book as uh Tony Soprano and Howard Stern. Maybe you. I don't know. I was working on you.

Oh, yeah. You want to work on me? Well, you know what? It's great because you're you're not self-aware when you're being funny and and it's almost like you don't know you're being funny. You don't tell jokes. So, I think something really really really funny is going to come along someday and replace comedy. And I think it's you.

Wow. Thank you. Hey, Ever noticed uh No, I don't know. You don't tell jokes, but Owen Wilson always plays the guy the part of a guy with a screwed up nose.

Yeah. Yeah, he does. His nose looks effed up and it sounds effed up too. Billy West. Mine looks fine. It just sounds like a mother. Billy West in studio going to read from the Star Jones book. Ask Tony Soprano and my dear dear friend Howard Stern after this.

This is the Adam Corolla Show. You can leave us a message after hours at 86691 Adam.

This is Kevin. I'm in uh Olympia, Washington. Hey, please do a bit on the people that do the scale. On a scale from 1 to 10, it was a 20. Do something on that. I hate that. If it's 1 to 10, it's a 10. Thanks.

The Adam Corolla Show. Hi, this is Dick Cavitt and you're listening to the recently defified Adam Corolla show. Give Adam a call right now at 1866901. Adam, I think he just called me the f word, but we're going to check into that. Dick Havit uh more racist than you would normally think. When he came in here, I remember uh that was my impression. When people say, "Well, what you think of Dick Havit?" I would say, well, didn't know he was a racist.

He went on a bizarre racist rant that came out of nowhere. Worse than March shot. Billy West is in studio. Billy West.com is where you go. The voice of really everything you enjoy.

Oh my. Even Even when you're thinking, it's his voice you're hearing in your head.

No, I I think in terms of like who's around, I just, you know, I never really did like written comedy stuff. It was like you could just bounce off of anybody and I would find uh some fun in it. Like uh well I was sitting here treading out voices trying to impress her and I you know

he impressed me with his Tom Lus. This Tom Lis was dead on. It was it was spooky.

Tom's like it Tom Lis's Tom Lus is dead nuts on. But Billy does even better one than he does himself.

All right. Uh this is Tom like his show. The show where anything could happen and probably will. We have Pedro on a car phone. Oh Tom.

Hello, Pedro. Hey, how you doing, Tom? I'm doing great. What about a do you care?

I didn't want to do that one. Isn't pure. Sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to. Get back to

Listen, Tom, you were you talking earlier about that uh chupacabra, you know. Uh I wouldn't mess around with that if I were you.

Oh, really? And why is that? Pedro or or Hernando or uh Ernesto? Well, you can make fun of me all you want, but the chupacabra is is like creating havoc in my garage and and he's just running through our yards and our dogs are dead.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Apparently, this chupacabra is uh I guess no one can see it except for only Mexicans have the ability to see this thing.

Hey, Tom, you do me a favor. Hey, wait a minute. My wife's giving birth in my truck. Hey, [ __ ] This is not a nursery here, okay? This is my truck.

Oh, they're they're having a domestic sp Hey, Tom, you do me a favor. Blow my wife up.

Okay, here you go. Was there an explosion? I couldn't hear anything. Do you do the maniacal

Tom Leis laugh? I I forget what the laugh is. I I've heard him. I haven't heard him recently, but uh what is it like like the Joker or something?

Yeah. Oh, like the Wait a like a Riddler on Batman or something. Or Jackie the joke man.

All right, Robin. Jackie wants to tell us a joke. All right. What's your joke, Jackie?

What do you call What do you call What do you call it? A hooker locked in a refrigerator. A prostitute.

Yeah, I don't get it. Billy. Robin, do you get that? Do you get that? I don't even know what that means.

If you could just Oh, come on. You get it. It's funny. She's locked in a freezer. She's a prostitute. Yeah, I know that. But the the first part of it was funny enough. What do you have to give it a punch line for? Okay. You mean like a horse goes down the street, sticks his schlong in a guy's drink? Yeah. What do you need a punch line? I think that's hellaciously funny in itself. Oh, okay. He's laughing at his own jokes. Not only would I appreciate, but I'm sure the listeners would appreciate it if you just did the entire Howard Stern show.

Never mind. Show up around 6. You have any like give any like swinging commercial music like the ventures or any of that stuff?

Yeah, you play you play a little that Dick Dale guitar. Little Dick Dale guitar.

Say something about Heineken. Yeah. What is this, Fred? What is this, Fred? No, we need Dick. We don't have any Dick Dale. We don't have any surf. We don't have any surf and then I don't have to show up. Yeah, maybe. What's your cup size?

A. Yeah. Did you ever do it with a black guy? You wear underwear. All right. Well, get back to her. Where's the all we got?

Where's the commercial music, Fred? All right. What is this, Fred? He ah Heineken. Hey, Robin. I'm drinking a Heineken right now. It's really good.

Hey, Robin. You want to try one? Right, Fred? Have a Heineken. Yeah, he loves it. See, that's what you ought to go out and get Heineken cuz it's real good and junk. All right, we'll be back after this. All right. Then then all a sudden he comes back and he What is this, Fred? Cedar Sinai Outpatient Alcohol Clinic. Yeah. Hey, you think you had enough of the stuff? Look in the mirror at yourself. Yeah, that's right. You're a mess. You got juice bags under your eyes and that that forehead of yours is all puffy and hot and you I'd quit drinking if I were you. And the way to do it is go over to Cedar Shine. I uh Oh. Oh, patient. All right. All right. We'll be back after this.

All right, Fred. What is this? Dr. Randall Sword. Hair transplants. Hey, you know, I'd normally look at you and say, "Hey, let it shine, brother." But look at look in the mirror. You know, no chick wants that. Every bald guy thinks he has a look now. He can be fat and have an earring and a goatee. But you know what? That stuff is nowhere and you know it. So get over to Dr. Randall Sword today and get your hair back. We'll be back after this. And he come back and he go,

"Look at you. You look like a big hairy ape. You know, you can get rid of that hair." It was like, "You know what? God bless the sponsors, but he did a great job with them."

Bruska, get Billy to do a pouch spot the bright ass Howard St. Hey Robin, I just farted.

Yeah, you tell a really good joke and you don't laugh and YOU FART AND EVERYBODY FALLS TO PIECES. EVEN ME.

What happened? I I I loved you on Stern. I I loved you on Stern. So did everybody. But you guys, when did you guys part ways? It's been

uh 1995. Really? Yeah. It's been over 10 years. Yeah. Wow. I was trying to figure it out and I was saying, God, it's been 6 8 years since he's been on, but I didn't know it was over 10 years.

Yeah. And what happened? What happened was I was I was trying to get a raise. Mhm. You know, for 2 years I had blown the doors off the place and everybody knew it. And then I just said, "You know what? I'm going to ask for a raise." So, nobody returned my solicitor's phone call. So, I just up and left. I said, "You know what? I'm

Were you getting paid by the appearance?" Uh, no. I had like some sort of salary worked out, but you got to remember I was doing Ren and Stimpy

back in those days. I fly out here and then I go back to the Stern Show. I'd be I'd be out here like I was doing Doug for Nickelodeon. Sweet little cartoon. You like uh

Yeah. I got a girlfriend and her name is Patty Mayonnaise. And uh uh here comes Roger Clots. But give me that. Hello world. Hey, WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN. I'M FUNNY. TELL THEM I WANT MY OWN SHOW.

And what but what about the people at Nickelodeon hearing you do the horribly racist Mark Shot on Howard Stern? Did they freak out?

Uh I received some words, but I said we're all adults here, right? Come on. You you're worried about these a couple of pieces of paper lit up with a light underneath it made out of plastic. What do you right,

you know? So ultimately after doing Stern for a few years, you wanted to be compensated. I mean radio kind of works that way where they do that thing where it's like, "Hey, we're doing you a favor putting you on the air." So they give you almost nothing. And then after a couple years of success, you go, "Hey, could I get paid, please?" And they go, "Come on. Well, you're only getting paid next to nothing. We'll give you a 10% raise, which is still just more of nothing."

Yeah, but a a radio license is a, you know, broadcast license is a license to print money. So,

oh, here comes that pain in the ass. You know what we do when Billy comes down the hall? Make him feel like he's only here through some error in his favor,

right? Be like, "Hey, Tom." And you'd be like, "Chasano." Yeah. I love him. But you know, it's it's my my whole thing with radio. I have a lovehate relationship with it.

So they didn't pay you and you moved on. Yeah. And terms with Howard Stern back.

It was my last day on the show and I was doing that red character from those old tapes, you know, the bartender.

Mhm. Why you motherfather? You can suck MY DESK, YOU COCKUS MANU, you know. It's like, you know, who would you want to talk to?

Uh, yeah. Burnt and to a crisp. BURNT TO A CRISP. BACK TO A CRISP. YOU HEAR THE phone going cloom cloom cloom.

And if you are you on good terms with Stern now? I haven't talked to him in like 10 years or so. The last time I talked to him, uh, he was going on Letterman. He said, "I got nothing to talk to Letterman about, you know, as usual." I said, "Well, you could talk about the movies." "Yeah, what's going on?" I said, "Well, there's this Jim Carrey movie called Liar Liar." And I said, "It's it's it's an hour episode of Bewitched, actually." You know? Oh, yeah. That's right, isn't it? Huh? Hey, he even looks like him, doesn't he? And I go, "Yeah, you know."

And that's what he talked about. Well, look, you don't have to talk to Stern. You can just talk to yourself.

I can. Talking to Stern. Yeah. Right. All right. We were stupid book, though. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do we have time for that? Or we we do. All right. Good. You got the Star Jones book.

Star Jones book. She has a mustache, a blackened out tooth, and a goatee. Better. She looks better than I ever saw her.

Mhm. Yeah, that fat. That big fat. She could solve the uh fuel problem. Robin. Yeah. All they do is lipo suck her and we'll have an alternative form of energy. They should do that to all the fats. So, just give him an incentive. Give you give us your fat. We'll give you some money and we'll we'll run the world like that because all all oil is is melted dinosaur. Right, Fred?

All right. I hate But here we go. There's a difference between being full figured and being fat.

I can't tell my daughter like Tony Soprano. All right. This is the last Sunday dinner I ever have at this house. All right. Once I was full figured as I am now, just with less weight. Oh, Mr. Soprano, you suffering from secondary anxiety with delusions of persecution. Oh, good. I thought I had dandruff metal. You look like a [ __ ] Oh, that that's a good thing about him. He always sounds like he's ready to cry. That's the secret to that impression. Only 5 years too late. Look at me.

Really? Yeah, I figured it out. No, he was like, "Yeah, Tony, you were never very good at athletics."

What are you going to say stupid thing like that for, Uncle June? He was like a weep.

I I had enough of you people. You people ain't my kind of people. It was weird early in this season when he did play another character and you realize he was doing a voice essentially as Tony Soprano.

He was doing him. He was doing him but he or maybe he always does him. Maybe that's what he always sounds like. And he was doing a voice when he was playing the businessman.

He wasn't lucky. He wasn't lucky like Christopher Walkin. You know, there weren't a million comedians that can do him to teach him how to talk. Tony just, you know, he just said, "Oh, I'm a parody of myself at this point, I guess." So, is doing a walk-in beneath you, cuz everyone does that.

What do you mean walk in? Wait, wait, wait. There's a guy I met this morning. I'll imitate him at the 7-Eleven.

Yeah, I want a 7-Eleven. I'm going to give me a slurpie. I'm going to give me a a P book, a Russy book, and uh I'm going to get my horoscope from the paper. But I read my wife's horoscope. You understand? They can find out what kind of day I'm going to have.

Geron off the hizzle. Mr. Chos, you ready? Yeah. Billy West. Yeah, Harman. Herman. Yay.

Billy West.com is where you go. Sorry, Bill. We're plum out of time. But really, come back tomorrow about 5 minutes to 6 and just do the entire Howard Stern show as you remember at circa 1994.

Uhoh. Please. Those were the those were the Briter. Hey Gary, bring in the human roadkill.

Billy West. Gary, bring in the booger redo. Billy West, you're going to hate me for this, you know. No, I have a lot of love for him because when you do an impression of somebody, you're supposedly like

it's out of love. You make an enemy of them if you do it. No, listen. It's an homage unless you screw with Kathy. Great.

I endorse you. I endorse you, Adam. Thank you. I endors also endorsed uh what's his ass there? D.

All right. That didn't help him. We're going to take a quick break. Porn star Memphis Monroe.

Can I stay, please? I want to put my head between her legs and go. Tom, you can stand in the corner. quietly when porn star Memphis Monroe enters the studio.

I'll stand in the corner, but I'll be buck naked. You see, blah. Azie also is going to review her movie Aphrodisiac. He was on the set watching the movie being filmed. We'll see if we can extricate any information out of the Ozman. All that and an update on our crackhead family after this.

Azie. Azie. I'm trying to get him to mispronounce a word for once in my life. Meanwhile, the guy hasn't been able to pronounce my name for 16 years. He calls me, but he says, "Jab like this." Job. He says, I said, "No, no, yab." Jeb. Aussie, just say yab. JEAB, WOULD YOU SAY something different? At least yell the n word out.

Only you can prevent forest fires. Well, that's one less thing we have to do. This is the Adam Corolla Show. And now, Alcoa presents Definitely Not a Jew on the Adam Corola Show. Dine Whittier, California. A 72year-old woman calls the Adam Corolla Show.

Yes. What's happening, my dear? My daughter's on crush. I'm 72 and she's my caretaker. Your daughter's on crack. She lives at home with you.

What drugs does your mom do? She does a mess with me. She does out of hand biker and alco.

Where do you get money for the drugs? I'm on the facility. For what? Murder. What happened?

For 18 years straight to kill me. Tough story. We do have a candidate for definitely not a Jew though century. Definitely not a Jew. Then last Friday on the Adam Corolla Show, our uh meth mother and daughter team are being packed up by uh the Saint Navan named Roger who's taking him to one of their hopefully two of their open beds. Cedar House, the official uh rehab center of uh the Adam Corolla.

That's right. Now, let's check on their progress on the Adam Corolla show. All right. Well, Sarah's on the phone. Sarah?

Yes. Adam. Sarah, you're the mom. Carolyn's the daughter. Yes. You're 72. Your daughter's 48.

She's 47. Please. 47. Should probably not see 48, but you guys are doing the math, doing the speed together. Oh, you're doing booze and everything else.

I don't do speed. I I don't do that. You don't? No. But she does. and and you guys are living together because

well she doesn't anymore since our experience our experience at um Cedar House at Cedar House we we did leave

uh because we got paranoid and uh frightened and her blood pressure went down dangerously low.

Uhhuh. So where are you where are you now? By the way, you guys are living together because her ex-husband attempted to murder her by stomping her to death.

Yes. That's funny. Yes, it was. Oh, it's funny. Well, you laughed when you said it.

No, it's not funny. I see. Did you have an abusive husband yourself? No, I did not.

Well, what happened? Where's your man? Where's my man? Mhm. Uh, he went to live with Jesus.

Oh, he did? Carolyn's father's no longer living. No, he is not. He He died. Uh-huh. And you guys were together? This is This is Carolyn's father. You guys were together when he passed away.

Uh, no. No. You guys have been divorced? Yes. And I was married again after that to a wonderful man.

Mhm. What happened to him? He said, "We divorced after uh seven years." Did he go to live with Satan or is he still alive?

Well, no. I'd like your wife. Uh-huh. And then neither one of these guys abused you.

Oh, no. Or your daughter? No. It's weird though. It's weird. You know, however, I would have killed it, man. I I found though when when a daughter makes a decision to hook up with a long haul trucker who tries to stomp her to death with a steel shank boot, usually there was some violence in the home when she was growing up.

No. No, that is not not Wait a second though. Let's go back for a second. On Friday morning, we leave off. Roger, out of the goodness of his heart, he dispatches a van to pick you and your daughter up to to get you to get you cleaned up and everything. Next thing we know, now you're back at at home. What day did you leave this place?

We left yesterday because we flunked detox. You What do you mean you flunked detox?

Because we were in a room alone together and uh you're only allowed out with an attendant who takes you out. And I tell you, if I didn't smoke, I would start to get out for a little while.

Yeah. Roger. The other patients are are wonderful. Roger's on the phone right now, by the way. Roger.

Yes, sir. So, what happened? Okay. Um, is your name Roger? Sarah? Oh, sorry. I Adam, I think uh Sarah and Caroline just weren't apparently ready to give it a good try and they uh decided. Believe me, we don't ever want to experience that again.

You're never going to attempt sobriety again? No, we're never going to use again because that that it was it was too lonely. I I felt suicidal.

Well, where's Carolyn now? She's right here. She's Let me Let me talk to her. She's sleeping to talk to you.

She wants to talk. Yeah. Okay. And you're you're not drunk or on any medication right now?

No. This is you. This is me. Sad. Like me? No. You sound You sound like you're You know, you've had a couple of belts.

No, I do. I've said it before. I'll say it again. Carolyn is is should should clean herself up. She has a daughter. But this Sarah, listen, she should she should just drink herself into, you know, as much as she wants to. She's an old lady. Get drunk as much as you want, you old.

You should run a rehab center. Listen, she's an old lady. She's in her final days. Enjoy.

It's a onestep program. You yell at her. I'm encouraging her. Put Carolyn on the phone.

All right, I will. All right. Adam's on the phone. I will close that one. Hello,

Carolyn. I'm sorry. I'm near the radio. I have to move. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You guys have a radio? That sounds like a pretty high-tech convenience item for you guys. Do you guys have to?

Uh, no. I'm I have a computer I use all the time. I see. Boy, everyone has a computer these days. What is it? One of those weird fleshcoled ones from the early8s. No, it's it's a new uh

it's a new one. Okay. Dynamite. I've got all the gadgets. It's not it's not And and are you sober?

I'm not ordinarily povertystricken or anything. Are you so Well, you're on disability, right?

Yes. For post-traumatic stress. What do you get for disability? How much money do you get a month?

About $900. 900? Yeah. Well, that's not very much money. I mean, you have to pay rent and everything right?

No, it's not. You have to count on subsidy. Subsidy. See, I don't know if you know what the situation was with me.

You had your your ex-husband attempt to kill you. Yeah. For 18 years. Tried to kill you for 18 years by kicking her with a steel going on for 18 years. I couldn't get away. So, no. He threatened my daughter and my mother.

And you were never abused in the home before this growing up. Physically. Yeah.

Not physically. How about sexually? No. How about spiritually? Yes. Spiritually abused.

Yeah. Well, what does that mean? A shaman came in and made fun of your dream catcher.

You you you mean emot emotionally and verbally? Right. Right. Okay. So, the the guys that your mom married were verbally abusive to you.

No. No. They Well, one I consider abusive. He was there for several years and just left us with nothing.

But yet, no. No one ever raised a hand to you growing up. Not much. What about your mom? Well, occasionally, not much.

It's just amazing that you would hook up with a guy who would attempt to kill you for 18 years and you would stay with him while he threatened you and your daughter and your mother.

Well, my daughter and my mother weren't there. We were out of state. I had to keep them.

Where's your daughter now? She's in California. What? How old is she? She's now 30.

Do you have contact with her? Not Not recently. You You guys not on speaking terms? been for a couple years, but since his business started, I didn't want her around it.

And what about getting sober? Why did you leave the Cedar House? Because, okay, last two years I was with this guy. He locked me in my room. He followed me to work cuz he didn't work. He lost his job because he got a DUI. I'd wake up with a 45 in my face every day. That idea of

every day. Every day. even your people's Sabbath Saturday. So, is she saying that the rehab made her feel again like she was imprisoned?

Yes. Well, I felt I feel like that when I'm locked in someplace and I understand their their policy and all that, but it it's to me not they have

you're an eagle. You've got a soar. Well, no. And that means go to a crappy onebedroom in Gardina and watch TV. No, it's being that you have to have a patient attending you everywhere every minute. There's no TV. There's no radio.

Right. So, you don't take drugs and continuously destroy yourself with math and get high.

Think about except your addiction. All right. So, look, you had you're full of medication, which is

Okay. So, you just want to get high? No, I don't. Well, you're going to look, you're going to start chipping away.

I'm not going to do that. You haven't gotten high since you left the rehab center.

I haven't been doing it that long. It's been over a little over a year. How? But you've been drinking?

No, I don't drink anymore. I stopped. You've done nothing since you left Cedar House.

No, there's no nothing has passed your lips other than food and uh Gatorade. No food. No Gatorade, but nothing.

Now it's bringing other things into question. Okay, look. I I intend to try to do it by myself. I did it before with heroin, so I can do it.

Oh, you kicked heroin already on your own? Yeah. All right. And what what does the future hold for you? When are you going to move out from mom's? What's the plan?

Well, he's a problem with this guy. Yes. Okay. I I don't think you can tell. Mhm.

Okay. The problem. Who is this guy, by the way? Charlie Sheen. Who you been dating?

He's in prison. Oh, okay. Against me. Mhm. But in the meantime, I had to have a legal name change and they a social security number change.

Uh-huh. Okay. So, I've lost my job history of 18 years. Mhm. It's I I'm qualified to work at McDonald's.

Okay. Oh, I mean Oh, it's tough. Right. Right. Well, yeah. I'd make almost as much of security.

Right. So, the guy qualify me for your ex-husband who tried to kill you is in the joint.

No. Yeah. Yeah. In the joint. Okay. All right. Well, look, I'm done. I I washed my hands with you guys.

Appreciate what did and I appreciate Walter very much. You mean Roger? I Roger. He was not

clear you guys become very close over the past few days. Well, been there over the last few days.

Roger offered He's from Cedar House. He offered a couple of beds for you guys. 10,000 bucks a pop. By the way, people waiting in line to get in county facilities. He offers this up for you. He picks you up in the van and then you leave.

Do you want to talk to me or do you want You just want to talk. Well, look, I have no more time for you guys.

Okay. Three other people left the same day. Oh, you want me to call them? What's their numbers?

Oh, no. I'm just saying it's not an easy place. They Well, listen, getting sober is not easy,

right? But you had a shot and you you threw it away. And like I said, it's an opportunity that a lot of people wait in line for and spend a lot of money for the privilege for the opportunity of getting sober.

Everybody there was either they had a choice of prison or there. Okay. Look, whatever the reason is, you're 47 and you're just that's it then.

It can't be a forest thing. Okay. Look, just remain remain getting just keep continue to get high.

What about another subject that uh Bill the gay board up over here has your stinking cat.

Elizabeth, what are we going to do with that? Yeah. What am I supposed to do with Elizabeth?

Lizzy, are she behind? Yeah. You guys, have you noticed your cat's not there? She cleaned my She cleaned my office that I keep her in a little room. Left her there overnight. She left it spotless. But she's got an infected ear. Did you know that her ear smells like Well, probably worse than her. A cuz I didn't smell it.

Coyote in Big Bear with a steel boot in Big Bear. She was by a coyote. What are you doing in Big Bear? skiing.

Bill, board up. Bill told me two things about your cat, Elizabeth. He found out A, she had an infected ear, and B, she was a bottom.

But let me tell you, when you're gay, that's how you see the world. Tops and bottoms. Not presidents and airline pilots, just tops and bottoms. They could just take the world and put them in two categories.

Can't you see that the damage to her? Well, Sarah, I don't see the damage to other living beings, I guess. No, I I saw the damage and and I I also saw the neglect. I mean, you haven't taken care of her ear at all. There was all sorts of stuff coming out of the ear. I had to clean it for two days. A hobo power of

and there was all sorts of stuff coming out of Bill. Yeah. All right. So, are you going to get your cat back?

Yes, of course. How you going to do that? I'll drive and get her. Okay. What do you What are you driving these days?

An old three uh Focus. Oh, she's got a better car than I do. You got Where do you get your money, Sarah?

I mean, uh, so who are we talking to? Is this Carolyn? Yeah, I'm frugal. Oh, okay. 900 bucks a month from the state.

Okay. Well, you didn't want to get sober. That's your prerogative. Well, you do, but you just snuck out of the place where you could get sober.

Sneak out. You You walked out. Whatever it is, I'm done with you. I have I have sympathy for you until you

I don't have sympathy. All right. Well, I can't I can't help it because you're 47 and you're on disability and you've been in abusive relationships your whole life and your daughter's not talking to you and you live with your mom and you're both getting high. It'd be very easy to feel sorry for you, but we gave you an opportunity and you chose to ignore it.

I don't ask for pity, but I don't ask for laughter. All right. All right. Listen, that we'll play you these tapes if and when you get sober.

What you sound like. All right. That's it. Roger. You've done what you could do.

Well, we're still open for the next the next scholarship candidate, Adam. Well, we'll uh we'll send that frat guy out there.

Okay. Thank you. On Wednesday, you're a saint. Thanks everybody. That's uh Roger from uh Cedar House. Well, you can lead a wh I mean a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. They didn't want to take our house.

How much lower of a bottom can you reach than this these people? I don't know. I've had friends that were uh into substance abuse and at a certain point you you point them the right direction but you have to walk away at a certain point. Whatever. I don't know if age 72 and 47 you have a combined age of 145. I don't know if it's ever going to take at this point. We'll take a quick break. We have uh what do we have coming up here? Nebraska,

Memphis Monroe. Ah, Memphis Monroe, porn star, and Oswaldo Castillo, who was on the set for movie Aphrodisiac, watching her, getting sex down. He'll have a review for us. And then Bill Simmons, ESPN Sports Guy, coming in. He's going to take a part, face off in our basic movie classics segment. All that still coming up on the Adam Corolla Show. It's time to play Guess the movie quote with the Adam Corolla Show's movie reviewer Oswaldo Castillo. Which famous movie is this scene from?

You know understand I quida hat class and Quida being container. the answer when we return with more of the Adam Corolla Show. Welcome back to Guess the Movie Quotes. Did you guess which movie this famous line is from?

You know understand I quida had glass and quid a being container. If you said on the waterfront,

you don't understand. I could have had class. I could have been a contender. You're correct. Thanks for playing. Now, back to the Adam Corolla Show.

As promised, Memphis Monroe, adult film star Memphis Monroe in studio. Good to see you this morning.

Thank you for having me. Uh, Bill Simmons, the sports guy, announced and he's uh he's got a discerning porn eye announced that she is hot. Not porn hot, just hot hot.

Could be the neighbor in a sitcom. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. You read his column on ESPN a lot?

No. No, I don't. Did you think he was cute? Who? Okay. I don't know. Let's uh Sorry.

Let Bill lick his wounds in the hall. Let's just move forward. You met Azie on the set?

Yes, I did meet Aussie of aphrodisiac. Yes. $250,000. It's one of the biggest budgets Hustler.

Yet you only got 900 of it. Now what happened? Are you getting paid? You being well compensated?

Well, yeah. I'm a contract girl for Hustler. So I get paid, you know, on income some.

So you get the contract girl stuff, which is a relatively new thing in the adult industry. Maybe Jenna Jameson got things going 10 years ago. I don't know. But

you get a you get an amount instead of getting paid Oh, you're gonna get I'll give you an amount.

All right, Dave. Now, please. Instead of getting paid 700 bucks for a girl girl scene or 1,300 bucks for a little double DP hungry and horny at the same time. The point is, you get 250 grand a year and then you're contracted to do nine movies a year or something like that.

Yeah. How many movies do you have to do a year? Um, I'm contracted for 24 scenes, which pretty much evens out to 12 movies.

12 movies. So, two two scenes per movie. About the same as Jude Law last year. Mhm. And uh and what do you get? Ballpark ballpark a year cuz I'm thinking about getting into it. Um, well, every contract's different.

Ballpark name of one of the films, by the way. She was around 70,000. About 70,000.

Mhm. Now, would that be in the That's mid-range? Yeah. That's not low end. That's not high end, but it's about 70.

Yeah, it's a pretty good ballpark. All right. So, you you're not exactly getting rich, but it's a decent living for working how many days out of the year?

Um, it varies. Sometimes I don't work at all in a month. Sometimes I work like these past few months I've been working like every other week. So it it varies.

Do you And then you make money when you go to clubs, do signings, going there's always other incentives for me to make more money,

right? And then any guys you won't work with, any guys you look forward to working with. What if Aussie was in one of these movies?

Hey, I'd work with Aussie. You would? Let's work with him right now. And action. Hold on. We have program director Jack Silver coming in. Jack, what do you think? Finally, we got some TNA on the show.

Thank Christ. THIS SEGMENT ROCKS THE HOUSE. OPEN UP THE SOUP COOLER. MAKE WITH THE SEXY.

NICE, JACK. All right. Well, listen. We listen. I know you don't you don't like when Billy's on the phone and that kind of thing, but you do like when the beautiful ladies come into the studio.

Yeah, THEY GOT THE BIG BOOBS, JOHN. BOUNCING AROUND. THAT'S WHAT THE KIDS LIKE. That's what the kids are into. HIT THE DEMO. LET'S GO. SPEAKING of Speaking of boobs on Memphis Monroe, it look like a solid C plus D and a natural. At least from what I from what I can tell,

all natural. All natural and a ample areola rivals that of producer Brusketss. I'm chubby or my lesbian.

So Azie, you were on the set last week. Yep. And were you actually standing there while Memphis was having sex? Yeah, I see one one scene with Memphis.

You saw one scene. What What scene was it? What was going on? Uh she uh she eating popsicle.

Is that a euphemism or was she really eating a popsicle? Yeah, she eating. She was she was performing on a guy that was and then then went into the sex.

Uh I not I don't really see watch see she make a sex, you know. Only only only take oral.

She she take take her clothes off for you though, right? You have pictures with you and everything.

Just for Aussie. Very nice. So she uh she she take it oral. She don't make it a sex. Is that what you're saying?

Very sweet. Very sweet. I know. Aussie showed me a picture. He took with his digital camera. Then she signed it and he explained he's taking it to a storage locker where he keeps all his pornography and I'm sure a few bodies as well.

So Azie, you have a review of the movie? Yep. Yes, I do. Well, let's hear it. I make something over the scene I see. You know,

the the scene that you saw Yeah. from the most expensive Hustler movie ever. Yes.

Yes. All right. Let's hear your review, Azie. Tell us about the movies. We want to know movies. Today I'm reviewing movie that I had the pleasure to see be the filming.

Mhm. You're actually standing there. How far away was he? And in in Memphis, did you notice the short man from Nicaragua standing there? And did it throw you off your game at all?

No, not at all. I There could be a hundred people in the room and I'm still on top my game. Something that I do every day. So,

I the tiger. I like that. You got to focus. Yes. All right. Go ahead, Aussie. So, and Aussie again, how far were you from Memphis?

125 ft. 1215 ft. Yeah. Okay. Just out of range. Just out of range of the three inches to the screen.

Mhm. I see. All right. Go ahead, Aussie. It's called aphrodisiac. Aphrodisiac. Aphrodesiac.

Okay. And is uh an is porno movie. Hustler porno movie. Star Memphis Monroe. Mhm.

Tommy Gun. Tommy Gun. Evang Stone. Sand Roma. And Steve Hall. Holmes. Holmes. Holmes.

Horn. Holmes. Okay. Steve Holmes. I went to the porno set and the hotel video and was surprised to see people screwing

in two and three and orgies. They had orgies. Were you an orgy? No, that was Sandra Roma and uh he just happened to walk in right when they were doing their set with a DP. So he was he got a little bit taken back double penetration photography. You know the more than two people is or

I know but what happened in your pants when you walked into this orgy? Hold on. Let him define orgy for you first and then let me take a finish please. I saw the beautiful porno star Memphis Monroe.

Mhm. She have one and a half year in the career. One and a half what? Wow. One and a half year in the career in this speciality.

18 months. That's how long you've been. How many movies have you made, Memphis?

Um I have about 35. That's I know that's out right now. What's your first one? My very first one? Jeez, I don't even remember. Um

cuz to me that's exciting to see that first one. I don't want to see the 500th. I want to see the first one.

Yeah, the very first one. It was with um I think Lethal Hardcore shot it and I don't even remember the name cuz it just came out like

when you when you look back on you ever look back and you're embarrassed not not because you're giving a guy a handy but because your acting was bad like oh my god like seeing yourself on public access when you're 19. One of my first movies, I actually watched it just to critique myself and I noted to myself to stop saying, "Oh, yeah." Because I just kept repeating myself over and over and over again. And I'm like, "Oh, this has to be annoying to who's ever watching this." Cuz I was just like, "Oh, yeah. We don't have the sound." Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Throw in a throw, oh yeah. And then every once in a while, break it up with That's the ticket.

Yeah. All right, Aussie. Sorry, buddy. Go ahead. Before making Porto movies, Memphis was a model.

She was a a model. Model. Uhhuh. What kind of model? Um, I was a nude model and I also did a little bit of a fetish. Um, panty hose, stockings.

Mhm. That kind of stuff. So, all right. And you then you then segueed into pornography. All right. Go ahead, Aussie. Sorry.

Memphis signing with hustler video. Hustler. Hustler video. Video. No, not not video. Hold on again, Aussie. Do not say it exactly how you said it the first time because that's the one way we know it's not going to work. Video

video video video. The video vagina. Vana. No, not vagina and video. All right, keep going.

Hustler video. One rich contract for screwing and other thing that I can't talk to you right now. M 70 grand though sounds a little light.

Yeah, for 12 movies. Um well, of course, you know, if I resign again, you get a little bit of a

How about something like this? I hope my wife's not listening, but Bill Simmons is India. I know Dave is. I like you myself. Put your hand down, big pad. What if What if me and Bill and Dave just all kicked in, you know? I'll just kicked in 23 grand, 24 grand, and we just had you for the year. You know what I mean? No movies. You just wait in the car kind of thing.

We got to go out of town. Maybe I give you over to Dave for a while. Saturday. You go. He'll go Saturday.

Whatever works. All right. All right. Pass the hat. It's Simmons. Go ahead, Aussie. Sorry.

The thing that I saw filming with Memphis was when she was in this TV set and was and scene with Memphis and Tommy G.

Tommy Gun. How's he doing in the junk department Memphis? Oh, he's he's doing very well.

He's doing well. Yeah, he's doing very well. Yeah. Okay, good. Where Memphis was performing or sex and it was a very good sing.

Uhhuh. I like a lot. Mhm. Memphis Monroe is fantastic. In the end, the day a left the reviewer cold and wet.

All right, I got to take a rape shower cuz I'm feeling filthy now. Memphis is going to hang with us. Jack Silver, that was good, right? Memphis Monroe, porn star.

Best of over and OVER AGAIN. I'M NEVER LOOKING AT IT. You must like what she's wearing.

Yeah. I'd like it less if she was wearing less booier. How about a quick winger just just for the ace man. Yeah,

I'm going to see natural. Yeah, don't make a big deal of it. I don't want Billy looking through. Nice.

Block him out. Solid. Solid dec. All right, we will take a quick break. When we come back,

Aussie and Memphis are going to do a little acting. We have a scene from the Da Vinci load. Was this a movie you were in Memphis?

No, it actually wasn't. Oh, so you're really going to have to act. Oh yes. Is Aussie going to get naked?

I pray. No way, Jose. He is. He looks like a dwarf when he's in the nude. He really does.

All right, we will take a quick break. We'll be back with that. Also, Bill Simmons, sports guy, ESPN is coming in. He is going to uh do a little basic movie classic review. Face Off is what's in his crosshairs this time. All that still coming up on the Adam Corolla Show. Here's what not to watch on TV tonight. At 8:00 p.m. on Oxygen, Mon'nique's Fat Chance. Fullfigured women compete in a beauty pageant. Then at 9 on Sundance, gelato and endless passion. Aficionados discuss the frozen dessert. And then starting at midnight on TV Land, a 4hour marathon of Benson.

That's what not to watch. Now, back to the Adam Corolla Show. Sure, we could recommend what to watch, but what about avoiding the pitfalls? The sports guy, Bill Simmons from ESPN.com, is going to be in here in just a moment to do a little basic cable classics. Face Off is the name of the movie we're going to review.

He thinks he's so great. Been out for 10 years. Look, he did a great job last week. That's all.

You throw that in my face. Neither one of you throw that in my face. Memphis Monroe is here. She's an adult film star. Aphrodisiacs her film. Azie was on the set. Billy hovering around the studio like a fat [ __ ] hummingbird. We've had to kick him out. I know you're repulsed by the side of him, Teresa, physically.

Well, I was just upset for Memphis Monroe because she took her top off and suddenly his little head popped up in the window. It didn't seem right. Hypothetically, sex with Billy web master or no sex with Billy the web master and everyone in this building swears that you did have sex with Billy the WEB MASTER.

Which would be worse? Actually, what would be worse? Actually, one encounter with him. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Not even Billy when you're done. But yet, a sexual encounter or everybody. You're passing Jack Silver in the hallway. He's giving you the

This is worse than the Riddle of the Sphinx. I I don't know. I say you take I say you do it.

Can I have a third option? Have my corneas harvested without anesthesia. How dare you, sir?

Sorry, Billy. All right, Memphis. Uh, we're going to have you uh do a little acting in the Da Vinci load. And now this is a movie you were not in.

No, I'm not in this movie. The one porn you were not in in the last By the way, her voice is so adorable, isn't it? I love the sound of her voice.

Yeah. I've I've done love line for too long, though. I always just think sexual abuse. I got to be honest with you. Were your parents good to you, Memphis?

Yeah, it's very good. And this is how you repay them. So, do they know about the porn?

Um, my dad and my stepdad do. Um, my mother I think she chooses not to know. Well, how do how does your dad find out and stepdad for that matter?

Well, um, the hard way. Stepdad was in the first movie, but other than that, the dad, how do they find out? And who tells them? And when can we kill these people?

Um friends. Yeah, that would uh my dad actually his friend look was looking me up online to find out where I was cuz my dad and I my real dad don't really keep in touch too much.

Shocker. Yeah. And um he pulled up he pulled up my website and there it was my hustler my first hustler layout there I was spread and he was just like

So after he he masturbated he immediately went to the phone to call your dad to tell you how outraged he was. Well, I wouldn't tell I I got to tell you, if a friend of mine's daughter turned up on the computer in a I would never tell him in a cabillion years, he'd either not hear it or hear it from somebody else.

Yeah. So, that's how that's how stepdad found out about it. Was he upset? Did he confront you?

No. Um, actually, my stepdad, he asked me all the time. He's like, "Oh, so where are you shooting out in LA next?" And then he's like, "Oh, just so you know, I looked at your magazine spread." I'm like,

"Oh, no. It's the dad." Your dad you don't talk to? Yes, it's my dad you talk to.

Yeah, my step I talk to. Yeah, he's out beating the Jesus to He said his um his uncle made him do it. I'm like sure.

He doesn't sound like a good guy. Well, hold on a second cuz there is a He's country. We're from We're all from Kentucky. I think that's

Oh, I see. Oh, you're not from Tribeca. Okay. All right. That's different then. I I didn't know that.

What country are you from again? Yeah, Kentucky. Yeah, exactly. Kentucky. But stepdad calls you and tells you, "Hey, I was checking out your spread and hustler."

I know. And it came out from nowhere. He just like one day was just like, "Hey, just so you know, like I looked at it." I'm like,

"Thanks." How old were you when he came into your life? Um, I'll come into your life.

17, 18. 17, 18. Yeah. And I I got He was probably attracted to you. I I don't want to think about that. I I mean, you're like 18.

He checked you out when you're coming out of the shower, towels on, get into the above ground swimming pool.

I'm sure I'm sure he did now. Now that I know. I justify above ground. Um any Did he ever come on to you?

No. No. You could tell. You could tell, right? Yeah. She have a fiance. Oh, she's got a fiance. Yes, I do. Who's that? Step brother.

They're country. No. This is getting sad and creepy. Is Do you work? Does your fiance work in the industry?

No. Mm- No. He's a good old southern boy. China, right? Just like your old dad.

No, no, no. He He's He's a good one. I wish I You know, I'm from North Hollywood. I can't play that card. Hey, I'm from North Hollywood. That's how we do it. Doesn't work.

You could try. You could just go, "Hey, 818." 818. Come on. You know, that's how I roll.

All right. So, you and the Oz man are going to do a little little acting out. Why? Where? Where's biological dad? Don't talk to him.

Louisiana. Louisiana. And why aren't you guys talking anymore? Um, he's got other important things to do. I guess

he didn't pay attention. You see that? I think he missed a few dance recital. This is why I listen and don't don't take any offense to this, but you do not pay attention to your daughter and she'll get the attention and sometimes it's in the adult industry. This is why since I just had a daughter, I am definitely going to pay someone to pay attention to her. Absolutely 100%. Forget about these nurses. I'm going to hire a male figure to pay attention to her. So,

I want to be able to speak the language by 14. I'm going to hire a guy to pay attention to my daughter so she does not end up in pornography.

Speaking of father figures, what do you think about this uh Jack Silver? What the hell's GOING ON HERE? ACE ABOUT TO GET INTO SOME PORNO. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CHILD SEX ABUSE.

WELL, I MEAN, I just I just, you know, I feel like it's important to talk about the past and you know, there's a lot of people

No, no, no. We got to let THE THOROUGHBREDS RUN. OPEN UP THE GATES AND MAKE WITH THE FUNNY.

OKAY. All right. All right. Maybe Jack's right for James. Maybe we should just get back into the comedy in the movies. You guys are going to do a scene from the Da Vinci load.

Yes. This is the uh ice cream truck scene. Yes, it is. So, Azie. Uhoh. Who are you playing?

The man. The man. There's a stretch. Should we get started? Yep. See kicking him to get started. Look, baby. You are real nice looking and everything, but I have it to get going.

I'm sorry, but I'm supposed to keep you here until I get a call from my boss. Here, have a popsicle. Nobody can be grumpy while eating a popsicle. It's a proven fact.

I don't want popsicle. Here. M m. This is pretty good. I love popsicles. Let me see your popsicle stick.

Action ensues. Oh yeah. You want to give Aussie a little smooch, Memphis? Be careful.

He's married. You like me? He's married to his job, and his job requires that he makes out with Memphis Monroe.

Fair enough. Do it. Do you really want to see that? Do you really want to see Aussie get a solid?

Oh, really? You guys should make out. He's married. I'm against it. Memphis, you're not attracted to Azie.

No, I'm not attracted to Aussie. Okay. You'd rather have sex with your stepdad again that I mean, all right, make out with Teresa then.

Hey, that would be interesting. Well, we have big stars waiting in the wings. Stars like uh ESPN's Bill Simmons from ESPN.com. So, we need to take ourselves a little break. Memphis masletoough, as your people would say. Nice work.

Thank you, Azie. Masletoough to your people as well. Thank you. No, thank you, buddy. We'll take a quick break and we'll be back with Bill Simmons. is going to do a little uh basic cable classics for us. Face Off is the movie after this. Why not? It's the Adam Corolla Show. And now, Adam Corolla and ESPN.com's Bill Simmons review another basic cable classic. This week's movie, Face Off.

I've been um chasing this guy ever since I joined the Force. He's the most dangerous and brilliant criminal of mind I've ever known. I will become him. Here's Adam on the Adam Corolla Show.

Well, there's the premise. Travolta, an undercover agent who takes on the physical appearance of the assumed dead terrorist Nick Cage.

Hold on a second. Adam Corolla and Bill Simmons are going to analyze this. I got things to say.

We're going to involve you. First, take your gum out. Thanks. No, you're definitely part of this bit. How about a warm up? By the way,

ahead, you two penguins speak again. What's happening, guys? You know, I was supposed to do this in the last hour, but I got bumped by a porn star, which I have no problem with cuz I got two free DVDs out of it, so I was fine with it. Uh, you have a theory on this movie, Ace, that they came up with the title before they came up with the script. I I think almost half the action movies they came up with the title like reindeer games I think they came up with the title they decided to shoot a movie around it like they came up with the title and they hired two guys and said listen guys you got 21 days we have cage and travolta signed

we don't really care what the premise is but just as long as it's there on the 21st we're ready to go and one guy has a head the size of a bucket and the other guy has a head that looks like an angel fish when you're looking at it straight on in the aquarium. How does this work? I understand the premise where they pull someone's face off and put on the other guy's head. I could understand it if their head was one wasn't the size of a grapefruit and the other wasn't the size of a beach ball, but they're totally different shaped guys. Their physiques are totally different and Travolta has the cleft in his chin. Cage has like the weird rabbit teeth.

Yeah. All cleared up. Actually, the doctor is going to explain right now how they do it

to Travolta as Travolta has to go undercover to stop this bomb that's going to go off in the LA Convention Center. And he explains to Travolta how it works.

Here's the real science. This is a state-of-the-art morphogenetic template. The inside is modeled on your skull. The outside exactly like Troy's. Then we fit his face on top. Not a replica, but the real thing. Then we simply connect the muscles, tear ducts, and nerve endings.

That's all. That's all you do. Yeah. Just connect the muscles. Put in like you're hooking up a sprinkler system. Just muscles, tear ducts. No problem.

Sean Archer, aka John Travolta, who then becomes Caster Troy, and vice versa, the bad guy Nicholas Cage. You know, when Caster Troy becomes Shawn Archer, he then beds down Joan Allen, his wife. Doesn't she notice some difference in genitalia?

No, they did that. They simply hooked up the sack. Wang is the same. Yeah, that's right. Reattached your previews simply. No problem.

Chest hairs. Chest hair. Same everything. But here's the part. You know, Travolta now has to decide. Do I go undercover in this maximum security prison looking like this this guy who's the most wanted criminal alive? Or do I say no to this to this arrangement? And here's his response.

What are you asking me to do? Okay, let's see. You're asking me to break the law, risk my neck, and you're asking me to put in the dark all the people that love me and trust me. I'll do it.

I'm good. I'll do it. If it doesn't work out, I'm just I look like this this hardened criminal. I'll be in maximum security prison for the rest of my It be nice if he just said no and the movie was only 31 minutes long and we all could have gone home.

And by the way, there's no good reason why he can't tell the police on the inside, the prison guards. There is no explanation in the movie why they can't be privy.

So naive. They've been bought and sold years ago by Caster Troy's people. Now part of the appeal of this movie when you watch it again and again, which we all do, Cage when he becomes Travolta and Travolta when he becomes Cage, they have to kind of act like one another. But Travolta is a bad actor. I mean, it's like a very quiet secret that he's just a terrible actor. So, he goes over the top trying to be Cage and he's just bad. Cage is actually does a little bit better. Travolta. Yeah.

Here's uh here's Cage when he wakes up without his face cuz Travolta's taken it. Snatches out of a coma.

Has no face but somehow is able to make a phone call to his buddies. And here's what it sounds like.

It's me. Believe it. Someone they took the switch my for some but it's cool. We're going to deal with it.

Yeah. How the how the talk with the director go? Listen, Nikki, baby, your face is gone. You're picking up the blower. You're calling one of your buddies.

Uh, but I want you to have fun with it. Yeah, it's your favorite director, John Woo.

John Woo. No, no greater director of gay porn than John Woo. This is essentially two hours of gay porn.

A lot of slow motion with John Woo. Here's my question, though. How do you talk without lips?

It's a good question. I'm going to say it's impossible. Yeah. It's almost one of those does a tree make a sound if it falls in the forest? How how does one talk without li? You know, it it's so improbable that during the movie they actually don't even show him without the face. I don't know if they didn't have the CGI ready or if they were like, "Listen, if if he doesn't have a face, nobody's going to buy this." So, they just had the camera angle from behind his head,

right? But now, I thought that was the most ridiculous part of the movie. Uh Dave has other thoughts, which we'll get to,

but we had a nice little argument about this once upon a time. I still say making a phone call without a face is the most ridiculous part of the movie. Dave has a very valid point, which we'll get to. But here's the fourth clip. As you know, I have a rule with action movies. A real bad action movie, you have to say the title somehow in the dialogue. It has to be said.

Yes. Like we we did with Conair last week where they work Con Air into the title. And here's how they did it with Face Off.

You want to take his face? Yes. His face. Thank God they didn't draw attention to it.

Skin coming off. The face off. This movie was not made in 1981 either. It was made in a modern era, 1997.

Yeah, that's the amazing thing about it. Here's how these movies get made. I'm convinced.

They call Nick Cage and they say, "Nick, you want to be part of this movie?" And he says, "No." And they say, "John Travolta has already signed on." And he goes, "Oh, all right. Well, good enough for John, good enough for me." And then they call Travolta and tell him Cage has already signed off and he says, "Oh, good enough for Cage, good enough for me." And then the studio doesn't need to read the script because Cage and Travolta are both in it. It's going to make a 100 mil at the box office. And that's how these movies get made.

And they also probably Cage was like, "Uh, 20 million." Oh, yeah. And then Travolta is like, "What's Cage getting?" Uh, 15 million. Oh, I'm in. And somebody probably got paid more than the other guy. Now, Cage of course in the maximum security prison which has the boots, the electromagnetic boots that

it's like it's another action movie thing where you have the technology that's really advanced but never ends up actually happening.

But the movie doesn't take place in the future, does it? Which is weird when they weave in these futuristic things that don't exist as we know them.

Well, including when you're in the lockdown, he goes in there, of course, Nicholas Cage, who is actually John Travolta's character. He goes in to get information from Caster Troy's brother, Pix Troy. Now, here's my beef. Pollock Troy sees his brother, Caster Troy. It's actually Travolta. We, as the audience, have accepted THE PREMISE THAT THE FACE can come off and be reattached to another human being. Pock Troy sees his brother and 8 seconds into having a conversation with him, identifies this as not in fact being his brother. He knew

it happens. My sister came over with my nephews last weekend and the minute she walked in through the kitchen door, I knew something was different immediately. So, I pulled a steak knife on her and I told her to tell me mom's maiden name. You do NOT IF YOU EXPECT ME TO BUY YOUR PREMISE. I DON'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE say like face off's a preposterous idea. You can't take somebody's face off and attach. If I go to the movie, I have accepted that this can happen. But then the characters in the movie don't get to question it either.

Yes, I agree. Well, Cage is able to escape this maximum security prison even though there's electromagnetic boots and jumps probably 500 feet into the water with helicopter sheet. That's another action movie thing where if you jump in the water the helicopter with the gun Yeah. They can't get you.

No. Once once your head gets 4 in below the surface, you're home free. That guy's in the I can't see him.

You could be in the middle of Lake Haran and jump in a lake and a helicopter with a 50 caliber machine gun hovering over your head couldn't do anything about it. Midnight Runs, another classic example. And Chuck, Chaz Groden, the kiss up to Dave. Chaz Groden jumps in and the helicopter guys can't find him. Anyway, here. So, Cage escapes, goes to see his wife, has to explain, "I'm actually not the guy who killed your son in the amusement park. I'm actually your husband wearing his face. I couldn't tell you this whole thing." And here's how he explains it.

A special op surgeon uh gave me uh Caster's face. And uh and then somehow Caster came out of his uh his coma and killed everybody who knew about the mission, but but not before transforming into me.

And by the way, this is the take after the director told him to reel it in a little bit. The the other ones were mammoth before this acting. When I watched it last night, I was thinking when Cage finished that, they were like, "That's it. That's the Oscar clip." When when you're best actor, that's that's that's the one we're going to show. So anyway, so Cage foils Travolta, kills him, gets his face back.

Unfortunately, we don't have a clip of the most scene in the movie. Dave, here's the best. My favorite thing in this in this ridiculous picture is this.

You know, John Travolta, he has his face taken off and he may never get it back. for all he knows, he's not getting it back. Then he squares off with his arch rival, gets stabbed and shot and almost killed. And then he goes through the surgery again to have his face reattached.

Mhm. Now the last scene of the movie is Joan Allen is at home on the computer. You know, she's playing around surfing the net. His wife, she's surfing the net. And then Travolta comes home from this, you know, LIFE-THREATENING EXPERIENCE. HE GETS out of THE HOSPITAL. HE WALKS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH, it's today the day you're getting out of the hospital. I thought it was next Wednesday. I'M SORRY. YOU COULDN'T PICK HIM UP. YOU COULDN'T HAVE PICKED HIM UP AT THE HOSPITAL after all he's been through.

Well, he wouldn't have the homecoming scene that way if he did. And then the daughter comes out, "Oh, dad." And the first thing she says is, "I'm sorry I shot you."

Yeah. And that's one of the last lines of the movie is, "I'm sorry I shot you." And uh it's just a classic. One of the best ever. And I'm glad we were able to recap it.

Well, basic cable classics with the sports guy Bill Simmons from ESPN.com. Bill is going to hang out and critique another project that's Dave Damashek doing a sports. Teresa, what's coming up in the news?

Well, some new insight into the big Christy Brinkley breakup and what's on Brad Pitt's mind. We'll explore that and less.

We will do that. Also, sports with Bill Simmons and Dave Damashek right after this.

The government is listening to you and you're listening to the Adam Corolla Show. Adam, this is the Adam Corolla Show. All right, the sports guy, Bill Simmons from ESPN.com, hanging with us through the news and especially the sports. So, let's

You love them so much. Winning a marri. Oh, I wish. Adam, I'd like to thank you for the accommodations too.

Coffee, no bread, no bagels, nothing. Bagels. What are you talking about? Theresa is Jewish.

What? Why do you have interns? Nobody goes to get you food or coffee. Decent point.

He said coffee and no no no anything to eat. Get some coffee and some bagels for Mr. Sim Simmons pronto.

All right. Now the news sports brie Madonna Bill Simmons. The news with Terresa Straa.

Well, violence continues to rage in the Middle East this weekend. Hezbollah rockets killed Aiden Hifa, marking their deadliest strike ever on Israel. In turn, Israel began waves of air strikes on Lebanon in the early hours of Monday morning over there. World leaders meeting in St. Petersburg urged both sides to stop their attacks. That includes Prime Minister Tony Blair of England and uh the UN Secretary General Kofian also calling for deployment of international forces.

Well, I've canceled my vacation plans for the summer. I'm going to Havu. I was going I said let's mix it up. Let's go to let's go to Lebanon. But uh now I'm back to Havsu. We're going to be on a house boat. Me and Bill the sports guy.

No. Dave, can I come? It's cool. If we can get a raft and a rope, you can come.

Okay. It's a great story that sells baseball shirts. Lake Havisu. In entertainment news, Brad Pitt was on Good Morning America. Was speaking to Anne Curry about his latest involvement with Global Green, which is an architectural competition designed to reinvigorate New Orleans. Why? Why now is he getting involved in this cause? Here's Brad Pitt in grave danger of

I got kids now and it it really changes your perspective on the world and and um you know I've had my day. I've had my day but I've made some films and I I've really had a very fortunate life and and uh it's time for me to to share that a bit.

I'll tell you I've had twins that didn't change my perspective at all. No more time in the mirror for the Ace Man. You mean when you look into their eyes, you feel like you're seeing?

I just I'm looking for my reflection if I can't see that. What happened to the Brad Pitt who didn't shave, was stoned all the time, and dated like scummy people like

I miss that guy. The short was a hero. Angelina Jolie happened. She cares about the world and now he he does too.

It's a beautiful thing. News coming out about Christy Brinkley's divorce. According to the National Inquirer, her husband, architect Peter Cook, was cheating with a 19-year-old, his teenage personal assistant.

I just saw the picture in the paper. I was like, "You pig." And then I saw the picture and I was like, "All is forgiven."

All is forgiven. Yeah. We base it on how hot the chick is, not how young she is or who she's working for. If she's piping hot like this chick is, then all is forgiven.

Is she 50 yet? Uh 52. She replaces Goldiehan as the foxiest woman on the face of the earth. Would you turn 50? Would you give me a goddamn cat scan, PLEASE?

WHEN SHE WAS 50 YEARS OLD, SHE WAS STILL A FOX. I worry about you, David. Christy Brinkley does look amazing.

Lauren at age 73 still has it. I'll tell you, Christy is is smoking hot. I got to say that about her.

She does not age. It's unbelievable. Yet, still allegedly, she was cheated on. Sad story.

Well, look, even if you're a supermodel, 19 always trumps 53. So you base the cheating on whether or not the girl That's why people were mad at Clinton because he was cheating with not hot women,

right? We're disgusted at Bill Clinton, not because he received oral in the White House, not because he stepped out on his shrew of a wife, but because she was a pig.

JFK when they when they liken him to JFK. JFK was betting down with Marilyn Monroe.

Right. We have no problem with that. I can honestly say I've learned something here today.

The real losers are us because the wives find out about this like, "Well, you'll never get a 19-year-old personal assistant." That's right.

And then we can't have one. These guys blow it like Christy Brinkley. Who gets the 19-year-old personal assistant or nanny? It seems like a horrible idea.

I'm looking for one now. 19 22. How dare you? Well, Pirates of the Caribbean again, number one at the box office. It's uh the year's top grossing film.

Coming in second, Little Man. And third, Yumi and Dupree. I'm telling you, the Waynees brothers have made$2 billion dollars at the box office over the last nine years. Incredible.

Well, I'm Theresa Straer and that's the news. It's time for Dave Dam and Bill Simmons.

Number one sports. Number one sports. Do it and Bill. I don't like that. I think it sounds great. Oh, you just want to do Bill

don't know what what he what's he even here for. It's time. He's a sports expert.

Come on. I KEPT MY NEWS. SPORTS EXPERT. So you say, creeps. I'm just I'm just here. I'm not not saying anything.

Let me say what I have to say and then the great Bill Simmons can have his say. All right. The national pastime. The Dodgers limp through their first series since the All-Star vacation. Bums got swept by the Cardinals in St. Louis. I hesitate to bring it up again, but Bill Simmons is here, so I hope he'll have some thoughts. Maybe he can straighten you out. The Dodgers on the season now. 46 up and 46 down.

A mere 92 games into the season. And you may have heard this Pinko Corolla Simmons go on and on about, oh, too many games in our National Pastime. How say you

I think every sport has too many games and too many teams, right? Part of what happens. Too many games in the professional football league. I wish it was more like eight games. That'd be great. See, I watch there's this really good documentary coming out about the NASL, the soccer league that we grew up in the '7s. They had like one good year. They expanded to 24 teams. They had teams in like Edmonton, San Antonio. Like everyone's like, "What what happened to that soccer league?" It's like, cuz they expanded

over 150 games, though. Do we need 150 games plus 162? Well, you need cuz the nerds get into the stats and that's like the real reason people love baseball. It's like,

it's the regularity that makes it so great. right now with an entertaining anecdote.

Why ever end? Why why not just keep going? I miss the entertaining part. No, I kid. What's that?

Uh why ever stop? Why not just keep going? No, it's because of the stats. And that's why everybody is secretly so upset about this Bonds thing is because Bonds cheated. He ruined these records. And that's really what all the fun of following baseball is like comparing this guy to that guy and this guy here. And now it's like, well, he he blew the what do we compare anybody to now? You don't know.

Speaking of Bonds, proudest moment uh of the millennium, I think yesterday in the Giants lost to the Phillies. Barry Bonds hit uh hit his 13th home run of the year off of Philly's pitcher Brett Meyers, who just got out of uh his little personal absence, his little departure after he smacked his old lady around on the street corner in Boston. Can you shed any light for us on that?

Who do you root for? That's a tough one. I think I still would have rooted for the pitcher.

Really? Yeah. It was an isolated incident, you know, the circumstances. Bonds is like just could have had a

25 years of being a jerk. But that was a victimless crime except for the nerds and the stats.

Yeah, but he hasn't even been tried in a in a court yet. Like we don't know what happened.

Yeah. Well, Bons has been tried. Yes. Bonds cheats. And uh on the junior circuit, the Halos, they have won 11 of the last 12. This now makes them on the season 46 up and 45 down.

All right. So, our two home teams here in Los Angeles, uh, one game, they played 185 games and they're one there's one game difference between 500 for the 185 games they played. Worthwhile.

Well, the first place Oakland Athletics took three of four in Fenway from the Bostons and uh the Seattle Mariners lost an extras to the Toronto baseball organization. Now, sports guy Bill Simmons, how say you about this Barbaro thing? Actually, I understand that you share a similar thought. These people, human beings, who make signs

in support of a horse, get well soon. You know, the horse is now, apparently, according to doctors, in a good frame of mind.

I get upset. I feel like I'm one of the first mainstream media people to actually come out and say, "All right, enough. It's a horse." Like, you know, there was a headline two days ago, Barbaro in a good state of mind,

right? It's a horse. How do we know what kind of state of mind? It's got like a three IQ. Like this is this is an animal that defecates no matter where it is. The app just poofs on it

in front of the queen or hobo and there's an apple coming out. If you if you are in your home and you have markers or paint out and you find yourself riding a get well soon sign about a horse, take your own life.

Yes. Call on that. Dave Damashek's number one sports. I'm sorry, Bill. We need to take a break. But what were you about to say?

I was just going to say it would be fun to rank the hierarchy of losers who make signs. Like cuz I still feel like if you make a sign to go to a wrestling event like Big Tad does,

that's that's the highest. Soul Patrol to go to American Idol. Generation so bad compared to that

cuz it's a horse. Like horses can't read signs. Listen, cousin S and one rowdy Rody Piper would beg to differ with your wrestling signage.

Lose weight. Get out of mom's house. We'll take a quick break. Bill Simmons, Sports Guy, ESPN.com's going to hang with us and we'll be right back after this.

Way to go, champ. You're listening to the Adam Corolla Show. Hey, this is Joe Rogan and you are listening to the Adam Corolla Show. Thank God. Now I can die in peace. The name of the book, Bill Simmons. Name of the author. Thank you. Thank you. ESPN.com as well. Bill, always a delight.

But this is the last time we have to say goodbye to him. Yes. Basic cable classics as much as we can do it. Thanks, Bill.

A regular feature. Start choosing your next movie. I also want to thank Billy West and Memphis Monroe and of course the great Bill Simmons. We'll take a quick break. only about 20 hours. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla saying mahalo.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "TACS #125 (feat. Billy West, Memphis Monroe and Bill Simmons)"?

In order: 0:00 Jack Silver, Chief Thunder Bear, Memphis Monroe, Tiknahan; 15:00 Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Memphis Monroe, Lieutenant Bill West; 30:00 Little Man, Jack Silver, Lance Armstrong, Aver Lavine; 45:00 Chief Thunder Bear, Dodgers, Barbaro, Cardinals; 1:00:00 Lieutenant Bill West, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Tony Soprano; 1:15:00 Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Cedar House, Lieutenant Bill West; 1:30:00 Cedar House, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Aphrodisiac; 1:45:00 Memphis Monroe, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Jack Silver; 2:00:00 Nicholas Cage, Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Jack Silver; 2:15:00 Christy Brinkley, Adam Corolla, Brad Pitt, Adam Corolla Show.

What is mentioned in this The Adam Carolla Show episode?

30 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Adam Corolla, Adam Corolla Show, Memphis Monroe, Lieutenant Bill West, Jack Silver, Chief Thunder Bear. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "TACS #125 (feat. Billy West, Memphis Monroe and Bill Simmons)"?

The episode runs 2 h 30 min; the transcript is about 28,295 words in 739 timestamped sections.

More from The Adam Carolla Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.