Transcript

The Adam Carolla Show #713

From The Adam Carolla Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 3 h 38 min · 30,991 words · 204 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "The Adam Carolla Show #713", an episode of The Adam Carolla Show published April 24, 2024 (3 h 38 min, about 30,991 words). It mentions 18 people, works and ideas, including Adam Carolla, David Allen Grier, Michael Kamrava, Nadia Suleman, Travis the Chimpanzee.

What this episode is about

The main topic centers around the return of Bobby Fick, the lead singer of the 1980s band Chafed Thighs, who shares his recovery story after a lengthy coma and discusses his Grammy-nominated album "Christ I'm on Fire." Additionally, the content features humorous anecdotes about his inspiration for the album and the chaotic atmosphere surrounding the show, including live audience interactions and advertisements for over-the-counter sinus relief products.

Key takeaways

  • Bobby Fick's 'Christ I'm on Fire' ignites a fiery comeback, proving talent doesn't expire in two decades.
  • Fans prefer Adam Carolla's voice over family, revealing just how deep podcast obsessions can go in modern culture.
  • Nasal sinus relief comes with a side of chaos; what’s faster than your headache? Unexpected gastrointestinal adventures!
  • In a world of celebrity comebacks, Bobby's quirky journey from coma to Grammy shows life is anything but boring.
  • Rachel's Georgia Tech rebellion against high school fight songs highlights nostalgia's strange hold over our youthful identities.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 15:00: Adam Carolla, Bobby Fick, Grammy, Georgia Tech
  2. – 30:00: Adam Carolla
  3. – 45:00: Whoopi Goldberg, Adam Carolla, Michael Kamrava
  4. – 1:00:00: Adam Carolla, Michael Kamrava, Nadia Suleman, Bruce Valanche
  5. – 1:15:00: Chris Brown, Hugh Jackman, Rihanna, Whoopi Goldberg
  6. – 1:30:00: Adam Carolla, Whoopi Goldberg, Hugh Jackman
  7. – 1:45:00: Adam Carolla
  8. – 2:00:00: Adam Carolla, Fontana, David Allen Grier, Bobby Fick
  9. – 2:15:00: Adam Carolla, The Oscars, Fontana, David Allen Grier
  10. – 2:30:00: The Oscars, Hugh Jackman, Adam Carolla, Chris Brown
  11. – 2:45:00: Chris Brown, Rihanna, Adam Carolla, Whoopi Goldberg
  12. – 3:00:00: Adam Carolla, Chris Brown, Hugh Jackman
  13. – 3:15:00: Chris Brown, Adam Carolla, Rihanna
  14. – 3:30:00: Adam Carolla, Chris Brown, Fontana
  15. – 3:38:01: Adam Carolla, Fontana

Notable quotes from "The Adam Carolla Show #713"

  • Let's cast Wednesdays every Wednesday this is another Grammy spotlight you may remember Bobby Fick lead singer for the early 80s super group chafed thighs after being comatose…
    about Bobby Fick · at
  • Offices of Jacob imrani call 877 La law 911.com today this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com let's check Adam's voicemail hey Adam I am obsessed with you so much so that my daughter even asked me if I.
    about Adam Carolla · at
  • Teresa Strasser with tomorrow's news today on Monday a 14 year old 200-pound pet chimpanzee named Travis completely flipped out and attacked his owner's friend in Stamford Connecticut a 70 year old woman named Sandra Harold owned.
    about Travis the Chimpanzee · at
  • Another 200 000 will be forced to take two days off without pay during the month but all of us will pay somewhere between 1.5 and 3 million dollars for the octomoms delivery and care of her children sure which is going to go.
    about Nadia Suleman · at
  • Welfare of the children two-thirds of those responding to a new poll say they think Dr Michael kumrava who implanted six embryos into the unemployed mother of six should be…
    about Michael Kamrava · at
  • Playing the race car Nascar driver Sam hornis Jr we'll talk Academy Awards with Bruce villanche and the Oscar goes to and the gay gossip with Lynn and Alex ho Mo sexual plus the news with Teresa Strasser and of course I love the penis.
    about Bruce Valanche · at
  • Disorder and even your mom acknowledges maybe it's not a great idea didn't plant the six embryos we had to hook her up with Chris Brown right he's single yeah but rehabilitate His image nothing to be cuter than him yeah you know just scoop.
    about Chris Brown · at
  • Other because if they do get loud we know he will bust their ass Greer on the Adam Carolla show dag my main nice save it for rehearsal Dag oh my God you gotta rehearse today let me ask you something man my first.
    about David Allen Grier · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Adam Carolla — Person · Host · 37 mentions · first at
    He drives the episode’s segments (news, calls, guest interviews) and introduces upcoming guests including David Alan Grier and Bruce Vilanche.
  • David Allen Grier — Person · Main guest (in-studio interview) · 2 mentions · first at
    He is brought in as the featured guest (“DAG”) and discusses appearing on Dancing with the Stars and related topics with Carolla.
  • Michael Kamrava — Person · Referenced professional (fertility doctor in news story) · 2 mentions · first at
    Identified as the doctor who implanted multiple embryos for Nadia Suleman; discussed as potentially accountable (financially/malpractice) for the resulting children’s welfare.
  • Nadia Suleman — Person · News subject (octomom) · 1 mention · first at
    Central figure in the news segment about the public cost of her octuplets and the controversy around her fertility treatment and ability to care for 14 children.
  • Travis the Chimpanzee — Person · Attacker in a news story · 1 mention
    The incident involving Travis is a significant part of the narrative regarding animal behavior and safety.
  • Bruce Valanche — Person · Scheduled guest (teased) · 2 mentions · first at
    Carolla teases an upcoming segment where Valanche will discuss the Academy Awards, positioning him as an entertainment/awards commentator for the show.
  • Bobby Fick — Person · Featured in comedic 'Grammy spotlight' bit · 3 mentions · first at
    Introduced as a (likely fictional/satirical) musician with a Grammy nomination and a new CD; used for parody content early in the episode.
  • Chris Brown — Person · Referenced celebrity (pop culture example) · 14 mentions · first at
    Used as a punchline/reference in the octomom discussion—framed as “single” and as someone whose image could be ‘rehabilitated,’ implicitly invoking his tabloid notoriety.
  • Rihanna — Person · Referenced celebrity (pop culture example) · 6 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in a discussion about Nadia Suleman’s situation and a joke about pairing her with Chris Brown; Rihanna functions as a cultural reference point tied to Chris Brown’s public image.
    Disorder and even your mom acknowledges maybe it's not a great idea didn't plant the six embryos we had to hook her up with Chris Brown right he's single yeah but rehabilitate His image nothing to be cuter than him yeah you know just scoop.
  • Whoopi Goldberg — Person · Referenced celebrity (comparison/joke target) · 8 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a recognizable celebrity reference point during comedic riffing; functions as a cultural shorthand rather than a topic of discussion.
    Sort of string the sentence together made for a bad combination it's like Cloris Leachman making a prank call sad now she's okay right you mean the trainer yeah or the victim the trainer's okay the victim's in bad.
  • Hugh Jackman — Person · Referenced celebrity (waiter/celebrity-tipping topic) · 7 mentions · first at
    Appears in a list-like context of celebrities discussed during the “waited on a celebrity” call-in segment, serving as a recognizable benchmark celebrity name.
    Did you get the big tip or did you get the shoe or how were they the whole thing about I'm surprised when celebrities are a-holes because Brian if you go into a Denny's and…

Companies & orgs

  • Georgia Tech — Company · Referenced institution · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the caller's educational institution.
    And what do you do Rachel I am a student in Atlanta at Georgia Tech and a lot of your folks over there at Georgia Tech they like taboo two and the theme song do they have Mike yeah.

Places & events

  • The Oscars — Event · Referenced event · 9 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of awards and entertainment industry discussions.
    The Adam Carolla show not a movie a film people got snubbed this year maybe it'll be eligible for next year penis out on DVD so it should be should see us around Oscar time next year T-Bone yes the news baby girl.
  • Fontana — Place · Referenced location · 7 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in passing during the conversation.
    Driving in the Auto Club 500 this Sunday I have a and that's out here in Fontana I have a quick and stupid question for you if it says 500 it's always 500 miles right whatever…
  • Grammy — Event · Referenced event · 4 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of music awards and nominations.
    Thighs after being comatose for nearly 20 years Bobby's new CD Christ I'm on fire has scored him a Grammy nomination in this year's no he's not dead category Bobby told me why…
  • Aspen — Place · Referenced location · 2 mentions
    Mentioned in passing during the conversation.
  • Colton — Place · Referenced location · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing during the conversation.
    One plus four okay we're going to go into going to picturesque Fontana all right hey I'm from Colton so that's that's good it's a nice Step Up all right hey good news crew we're going to Fontana only if you live in Colton could that.

Media & podcasts

  • Sex and the City — Media · Referenced media · 3 mentions
    Mentioned in passing during the conversation.
    Even got dragged to the movie where I got to see the guy's penis it was exciting did you write on the feature the sex and City feature that was all home that we just loved until he hates guys I hear no points me too Jenny David Alan.

Full transcript with timestamps

presenting webcasts Wednesdays every Wednesday from 6A to 2B you can watch us live on the web 971 FM talk from all the cool guests and wacky hijinks on the Adam Carolla show the internal feuding and alcohol consumption across the audience let's cast Wednesdays every Wednesday this is another Grammy spotlight you may remember Bobby Fick lead singer for the early 80s super group chafed thighs after being comatose for nearly 20 years Bobby's new CD Christ I'm on fire has scored him a Grammy nomination in this year's no he's not dead category Bobby told me why he returned to recording well you're homeless for like 20 years and stuff he'll just do anything uh for your next fix a meal Bobby told me an amusing story of how he came up with the idea for Christ I'm on fire down there one day and these kids come up and they were what they had like soda and they poured it on me and then threw a match and poofed there we

go up in Flames I swear I saw Jesus Christ and he said to me hey [ __ ] get in the puddle catch Bobby performing Christ I'm on fire when he comes to this Sunday night hey check it out you're watching webcast Wednesday stay tuned because there's more awesome stuff coming up guaranteed 97 1 FM talk do you suffer from sinus headache pain the pounding want fast relief get new naso sinusol Mist formerly by prescription only now available over the counter nasosinosol mist nasosinosol is not for children under the age of 12 or persons suffering from chronic fatigue dry mouth psoriasis forgetfulness or hair lip studies John that in some cases nasal cyanosol may cause violent diarrhea excruciating intestinal cramping and strong desire to die certain test subjects also experience severe memory loss hair loss prickly heat sexual dysfunction hallucinations and kidney failure the makers of nasal cyanosol are not

responsible for anyone gullible enough to put untested crab like this into their respiratory system say goodbye to sinus headache pain headaches gone but my stomach feels kind of weird ask your pharmacist about nasal sinusol mist

this is Daddy we wanted to say something here this is getting old real fast but this is had to fill this time with something this is better than any commercial s foreign accidents happen but what happens next is your call law offices of Jacob and Ronnie the law offices of Jacob imrani call 877 La law 911.com today

this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com let's check Adam's voicemail hey Adam I am obsessed with you so much so that my daughter even asked me if I liked Adam more than her so there it is I'll see you call 866 901 Adam it's the Adam Carolla show say you like them in a different way Adam I like as a friend but you you are like like 866 901 Adam house say you phone calls Let's uh speak to Rachel Rachel what happened where are you calling from Woody one of them podcasters I am good times baby yes it is how did you get on to the show for you one ah good times when was that uh in the middle of the Bonnie Gigi era you stayed with it God love you what's happening Rachel well first of all I wanted to tell you that you were talking about how you didn't know your um High School fight song but you knew all the words to tablet too yeah so do I I have no idea what my High School fight song is but I

know all the words is happy too you want to sing it together I would love to love just oh you're 21. I oh yeah do you know the lyrics to Taboo two from this show I'm from this show and from Loveline yeah now do you want to sing the gotta get it on one where we just repeat got to get it on 1500 times or do you want to do the he's got it all okay

keep up baby wait a minute you go solo here oh yes come on you know it everyone that's why I'm doing one of the concerts we hold the bike out of the crowd yeah maybe Lenny Kravitz could do this one all right Rachel hold on yeah it's like you're waiting just a beat to hear what the actual lyrics are and then you're singing but you do have them committed to memory all right have you ever seen taboo too I've never seen taboo too I'd like to come out to Atlanta and show two one day what do you look like um she's a little spinner I like that she looks like tea she's disgusted how about I bring my long snapping sack taboo I'll bring the tab I'll bring the entire series and while you uh you warm up the post them and we'll just hunk her down for a long weekend Rachel do you enjoy post them um actually could you bring Mike toffee instead hello oh wait a second wait a second I think he'll travel is there a

problem with your server this is important because chaffee's on a dry spell lose the weight chubby yes I heard that the other day on the show yeah it's been four years I think yeah disappointing yes penis has that new penis smell it's been so long Rachel do you know how grateful he would be to you because I like gratefulness of aggression hey you guys could eventually start a family and have a bunch of little nerds running around when I say little I mean husky of course but I understand the metaphor right yeah yeah yeah maybe half nerds okay would you like to talk to joffy because uh that man will get on a plane you're down

he's cutting my audio for the news but I'm willing to sacrifice that chimp 9-1-1 call Rachel when you say five three 140 on the phone yeah we're gonna go five two one fifty five right I know you did that the last time I called you got a little extra weight on you well but wait a minute if I got out of scale right now and put a gun to your head you'd go over 145 right Double D's though right yes and what do you do Rachel I am a student in Atlanta um at Georgia Tech and a lot a lot of uh your folks over there at Georgia Tech they like taboo two and the theme song do they have Mike yeah hey what's happening Ace yeah Mike's coffee sounded very casual you see why I'm late here I like the force casual pose he struck too yeah because if you can do it physically you can sort of trick your mind into thinking this is fine yeah yeah Carl Lewis was bringing Carl Lewis was bringing home Olympic gold last time

choffee got laid by the way I remember the last time any of the details uh I was a little drunk you're going to find that shocking but yeah in school and uh you know at College drinking a little bit what was the dude say did you see him again after that uh yeah it was a I was a junior so yes yeah Rachel yeah he's uh he's low mileage yeah that's good let me ask Rachel important question from trophy's point of view do you like The Simpsons I love The Simpsons oh my God that's some good news right favorite favorite episode uh favorite episode is probably the one with uh Stampy the elephant oh Stampy when he gets the elephant he brings Stampy the elephant home yeah season I don't know five or something yeah maybe it's gonna give me something stupid Rachel have you have you gotten a look at choffee I really is I don't understand the dry spell I dare you all guys dry spells are short of self-imposed because no guy is

unattractive enough to go four years I mean Mike's trying but really you know it's not about being attractive it's about you know self-confidence personal momentum things like that what do you think is going on uh I've been busy obviously I was trying to it's masturbating and crying I was focused I should say on trying to I'm masturbating and crying masturbating and crying I know on uh I'm just trying to get a job in entertainment and then you know uh just turn that into some other stuff uh-huh yes all right I've been focused on the wrong things I guess how much you focus on Rachel's Double D's Rachel I'm gonna put you on hold all right young trophy can speak off the air Atlanta's a hub for I don't know Southwest or I don't know where it is yeah Delta go ahead and hop on one of those Delta flights and meet her at the airport yeah anger in a bond and hustle back so you can get here by the 10

o'clock hour all right Rachel Good Times there sweetie uh let's see Patrick uh yeah I'll see you my brother I said very good actually I've seen uh I used to work in a porn store and I saw taboo too which is aside from what I wanted to talk to but I don't really remember it because I kind of fell asleep because it was kind of really stunned Good Times question um I just saw the hammer a little while ago rented it uh sorry thanks I'll start up before about having dyslexia or being illiterate if you were black but uh yes um but I was curious uh how you managed to uh weigh the whole movie um hooked up with a guy named Kevin Hench who doesn't have either one of those problems so Annie has a computer and then I would just uh sort of we just talk it out and he'd do the typing I'd do the talking and he'd do some talking and typing too that's how it works I mean look in life everybody whether it's

a marriage whether it's a professional partnership or whatever it is um treat your life like a gin hand if you've got a bunch of cards you know uh go find someone who has the cards you need not a bunch more of your cards we do that all the time where everyone has the same interests and the same skill sets and the same strengths and the same Witnesses weaknesses and then we all get together and now there's two guys who aren't good at a thing one thing but real good in another thing find the opposite in a weird way it's like a camping trip don't have both UB expert fishermen have one be an expert Marksman and have the other be expert fishermen or one be an expert Hunter and the other be I have one guy be an expert at starting a campfire and have the other guy be great at getting food not both great at starting a campfire so you can both stare at it and go hungry you can send that into your personal life

too I think TV did that in her marriage I mean she found a guy who's really emotionally stable healthy but seriously I mean like you look for people yeah yes patience right absolutely so uh Patrick if you're in the same boat I'm in and unless I've written a ton of scripts I've just hooked up with guys that uh could write I mean they could physically write and then it's easy to do just uh say the words is our work on another movie because you mentioned that I I watched like the audio commentary and I'll delete it seems in junk oh thanks yeah I was curious because you talked about another movie briefly like literally just said uh that's for the next movie and I was curious if there was a next movie that you were working on uh yeah I already wrote uh one and I'm uh working on another but it's it's tough because it's as I've said many times it's all about who's in it it's not really about whether the script is good or not

there's we lead people to believe that if you write a really good script that's going to get made no you write a really bad script and you get Adam Sandler to be in it and then it gets made that works much of that all right but doesn't mean you shouldn't write the script uh anyway all right what should we do here people uh somebody got uh weed brownie yeah let's get right let's cut right to the trouble here let's see hey uh Mary we have a question slash comment well I'm calling because Giovanni's too sad to call himself oh no how do you know Giovanni from The Message Board yeah there are some reasonable people left on there I know there's a lot of creepy freaks these days but uh We've we've heard we may be losing you that's right I have ovarian cancer stage four yeah you're talking about this show yeah well let's just say this uh the show has a very young answer we'll be making a large style announcement

tomorrow you can probably do the math can I um ask you a question yeah Giovanni has a whole business plan for you um would you consider like doing a podcast because this is really bad for us uh-huh yes I would uh um I will like for me like this is I know I'm a fairly uh stable gal but you are like a foundation for my quality of life oh baby it's really sad it's just so smart you're like a mentor and I have a full life but you're just you've been a really important part of it who else are you gonna watch a long snap at six a.m yeah or just hear a description of their lungs hey uh Mary I appreciate that and uh I know I'm concerned about Giovanni here here's what I will say to all the people out there who may have heard some things yes there will be a large announcement we will do that tomorrow I guess or we'll get into it later today either way we'll play it by ear and uh B um you will uh you will find me and you

will find me via the webcast so all you uh junkies out there can get yourself a little hit of the ace man methadone we need to know what's going on with you that should keep you going well I'll be complaining about the same crap over and over again all right uh keep your head up we'll get through this Mary yeah make sure Giovanni's gonna be okay I'm concerned we will take ourselves a break T-Bone yeah let's press on the news well it's a news story you will go ape for unless you're being viciously attacked by chance I'm watching I'm watching it on the news right now look I gotta say this uh I feel sorry for the woman who was attacked but if someone forced me to wear a diaper and nothing else I'd be pissed too like would you do my kid wears a diaper and then pulls the pulls the uh pulls the sweatpants over the diet you know old people wear diaper the monkeys walk around in a diaper and nothing else that's a bad look it's on

dignified thank you we'll take a uh at least give me a you know if I'm a monkey you know what the best of all uh tire is this space suit astronaut monkey you know what I mean they're overheat though yeah just that blue jumper you know the zip up the American flag on the sleeve put that now that we know the diapers on underneath astronauts wear diaper like the diaper yeah you're right just during the summer month that's right we'll take a quick break back with the news next

for more no no don't shut me up of the Adam Carolla show you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk David Hasselhoff that's right he's the hawk and he's coming live to Gibson Amphitheater and your friends here at 97 won the rooster socal's only death metal talk station wanna send you to go see David Hasselhoff just be caller 10 when you hear the Hops say this don't be my car I wanna tell you or something like that the Winner's gonna get a family four packet tickets to see David Hasselhoff live at Gibson Amphitheater all these amazing Tunes are brought to you by your friends over at Gibson Amphitheater and 97.1 The Rooster socals FM huh I wanna take you home like it's 101 Thursdays at five I love to hump I hump with a condom right now is the perfect time to advertise your business on 97 1 FM talk that's cause we're socal's number one radio station with adults with money to

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this is 97 1 music I hump with a condom I hump with economy I'm dropping my sponge right in the face squirting that hot suds all over the place Jesus what the hell was that 97 1 FM hey kids feeling like you've got an energy crisis then you didn't start the day the okay way with tons of freaking shook if you're feeling a little slow you need enough Breakers that helps you go fill your bow with high octane it's tons of freaking sugar tons of freaking the breakfast cereal loaded with 100 grams of natural pure cane energy in every Spoonful Little Billy got the school day Blues no problem he'll be bouncing off the walls it'll Sally miss the bus again don't worry I'll run it thanks though tons of freaking shoes you're running a little late I need a breakfast that's always great tons of freaking sugar another fine food from the folks at syrup world hey check it out you're watching webcast Wednesday stay tuned because there's

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the most populous individuals are now taking advantage of homeowners in distress and that's just wrong don't lose your home call me at 888-549-1010-88-549-1010 that's 888 549-1010 it's the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com listen all this week to win cash from the guys who brought you waiting comes the Saucy new sequel still waiting when the old Shenanigans crew opens up a tata's Wing Shack next door the battle is on even more outrageous raunchy and raw than the first time around with a special appearance by Adam Carolla and that's a good thing still waiting available on unrated DVD February 17th now back to the Adam Carolla show not a movie a film people got snubbed this year maybe it'll be eligible for next year penis out on DVD so it should be uh should see us around Oscar time next year T-Bone yes the news baby girl Teresa Strasser with tomorrow's news today on Monday a 14 year old 200-pound pet

chimpanzee named Travis completely flipped out and attacked his owner's friend in Stamford Connecticut a 70 year old woman named Sandra Harold owned Travis who used to appear in commercials he became part of the herald family lived in a large cage in their home ate steak and ice cream at the table used the toilet dressed himself and even used the computer but on Monday he brutally attacked 55-year-old Charlotte Nash what he used the computer for to defecate on Facebook posting a status he's my friend on MySpace all right so back up sorry yeah it's funny like he was a friend of the fam he was a he was a family member who lived in a giant cage like I would argue that once you've joined the family where they let you out of the cage but that's just me it's probationary member okay Sandra had to stab Travis with a butcher knife and hit him with a shovel to stop him from attacking her friend then she

called 9-1-1 and the recording is insane here is part of it and understandably the 911 operator can't quite figure out what exactly is happening stand for 9-1-1 where's your emergency please there's a problem there you're right what's wrong with your friends really once I say killed what's the problem with your friend what's the problem with your friend I need to know

yeah um look can we just work this one out like I I know they need to know what's going on but shouldn't we just have a code you know one is I had a heart attack two is get the guns and get them now and three is the neighbors are playing the stereo too loud like you know they get these full descriptions and you're wasting valuable time with the full description it's like squad car guns now come on down well I think he starts to get the idea right about here 441 Bob Raymond Road they're saying someone half a gun is trying to kill somebody they're on the way but I need to give you more information who's doing this who has the guns are done you gotta kill us what's the problem there I need you to talk to me I need you to calm down why do you need somebody there what what is the problem who's killing your friends

there's someone on the way by the way she confused the whole thing by working the gun into the thing do the gun you're not sending Paul Blart out there from the mall you're sending the cops out there they all have guns right exactly tell Telecom to bring a gun that club was the nearly as funny as the first one hey T we're going out to uh lunch uh today come on bring your vagina bring your vagina already packed almost pack it right but that would make things what who's got a vagina no I'm like what about is that the place we're going to lunch no I don't know that place no we're going to crustacean what's reminding me I thought it was a pink taco um either way I have a gym well I was sure she I was waiting for her to work work in Morgan Fairchild just to really confuse the situation remember the Old Navy what there's a drunken sailor with a gun no the chimp screaming in the background I I'm sorry but uh I blame uh The Jerky

Boys and Jimmy Kimmel for this oh yeah because he doesn't know if it's a prank I wish we would have thought of this exactly Dennis Leary and his monkey was attacking with a knife you're exactly right there's like the almost exact and then the monkey's screaming in the background it's about my God he's got a knife hold on a second you're right yeah go dig it dig that up yes we've done this already it's our fault this is life imitating oh it's because of Dennis Leary and you and Jimmy Kimmel that this woman remains in the hospital in critical condition with quote life-changing injuries to her face and hands well there's a there's a couple of things first off I don't want to hear another blow hard on the news explain that these are wild animals and the whole thing about when you take these wild notes yes we do the wild animal math they was trying to kill someone with their hands but the part where you

take these wild animals you can't take animals that will snap you know what I mean and a lot of uh dogs rarely snap hamsters cats they don't do a whole lot of snapping but Bengal tigers and chimpanzees and orangutans things like that they snap and it doesn't matter if they're your best friend if your best friend just snapped one day like you're just hanging out watching TV next you know your best friend's got a crocheting needle and stabbing you in the ice shocking with it that's not a great friend even if you've been around for 20 years so people shouldn't own these animals can we agree on that I mean the the champ Travis was a star he was the money maker for the family or at least one of them well he's now going to join the Feldmans in That Celebrity Rehab did they shoot it he's dead all right he's dead which which brings me to my next point about the story Peta is angry and uh the chimp owner has received

death threats sure and phone calls from Peta accusing her of killing Travis which she had to do a lot of people who knew Travis and the family say it's a tragedy obviously but what caused the chimp to flip out the diaper yeah the chimp had to walk around in a diaper with no pants on and that's humiliating and a chimp can only take so much of that I've told you before and by the way PETA please just admit this for me you like animals you say you love animals I think you like animals but you hate people that's what it is you like animals but you hate your stepdad and what he did to you in the basement just admit it please so we could stop arguing over your nonsense all the time it'll look warm on the animals hate the people thank you uh-oh what I think Paul Bryant's found Denison I'm working on it okay meanwhile let me just wrap up this story because this is an important Point hold on I got

up from YouTube sorry uh they think they know what happened or at least there was a precipitating incident the chimp was agitated and its owner gave the chimp some tea this was about five or ten minutes before the attack the tea contained the anti-anxiety drug Xanax right doesn't that but that's good right I mean you would think now in human beings obviously Travis did not have a prescription for Xanax in human beings the side effects are memory loss lack of coordination reduced sex drive and aggression right so who knows all right so maybe the Xanax which would have calmed you caused the chimp to snap on the other hand why are you giving the chip the chimp the Xanax of the Champions right is it right and by the way Xanax tea why haven't I ever thought of that I know how do you make that who's going to steep that through that sounds that sounds delightful now did you want to play this call do you uh do

you have Dennis Larry uh from Crank Yankers uh eight years ago Jesus oh my God I I I have a monkey here who's out of control oh no oh my God he's he's going crazy he's going crazy what what they trap them within the house and remove them uh he he went nuts we were sitting on the couch I'm babysitting for a friend of mine he has a pet monkey man for like 10 seconds

oh my God oh my God please can you send somebody what should I do should I should I hit him he he won't 9-1-1 I can't get to the phone right now you're on the phone right now oh my God aren't you not allowed to prank oh my God you want 9-1-1 what you want the police to show up yes please anybody your name called someone other than that animal control your last name Smith your phone number I don't know the phone number here it's my friend's house you want me to call the police please please please please please please please please oh he's really he's this is bad this is really bad oh sir you need to give me the phone number right about that I don't know the phone number can you trace it please oh my God all right well that was in horrible taste so who do we believe Dennis Larry or Peter I wasn't paying attention I think you were blaming um Peta for hating people right as much as they love animals and I'm more than

they love animals but yes yeah more right and uh I think you're blaming Dennis Leary yeah because now operators suspect that they may be being pranked that's right that guy could have very easily seen that from season two of cranky anchors and ignored the sounds of the chimps well seriously the Chimp in the background and her not being able to sort of string the sentence together made for a bad combination it's like Cloris Leachman making a prank call sad now she's okay right you mean the trainer yeah or the victim the trainer the trainer's okay the victim's in bad shape is hospitalized we should live yes okay that's her to make a recovery they say her injuries are life-changing that does not sound good yeah I think uh her face might not look quite like it used to oh no boy okay moving on um you may have heard that our state is bankrupt and you will most likely be getting an IOU instead of your state

refund check 20 000 people found out yesterday they may be getting laid off another 200 000 will be uh forced to take two days off without pay during the month but all of us will pay somewhere between 1.5 and 3 million dollars for the octomoms delivery and care of her children sure which is going to go through Medi-Cal California's medical insurance program it's a beautiful natural thing when a woman gets injected with a stranger's semen and the fire a whole bunch of embryos in there and then she gives birth to a litter of kittens awesome so MSNBC is uh is estimating that it's going to cost between 1.5 and 3 million dollars meanwhile the majority of Americans believe that the doctor responsible for Nadia suleiman's octuple it should be held accountable for the welfare of the children two-thirds of those responding to a new poll say they think Dr Michael kumrava who implanted six embryos into the unemployed mother

of six should be financially responsible for the children if Suleiman can't provide for them nearly half of all respondents think Dr kamraba should face malpractice consequences for implanting the embryos while 65 percent of those who say they've been following suleiman's story closely believe the doctor should be punished four out of five Americans say Dr kamraba should not have implanted the embryos and only seven percent believe he did the right thing in doing so those kids first off should be property of the state and all the taxpayers who chipped in for this should own them like we should you know well on Monday he's going over to tease house to put a Fresh coat of paint on the picket fence then I got them on Tuesday to clean out the gutters in my place and on Wednesday head over to Brian's for sex yep right yep you know what I mean yeah just work it off look here's the problem everybody and this is

the problem with the government it's the problem with big government and this is the problem with people taking care of stuff that you can't see when stuff gets invisible there's trouble when taxes are just taken out like I said there would be a tax revolt if somebody paid you in cash every single Friday if you just went to the window like it was the turn of the century and you're working on a mine working in a mine and they just gave you cash and someone just peeled it off in 20s here's 600.20s and then some guy in a top hat came by and peeled off 200 and took it back there would be a tax revolt especially considering you went through a bunch of potholes and your kids can't be educated you would be very upset by that this is the invisible money they take the money out so you never see it and then it invisibly goes to the hospital and then it invisibly goes to the a couplet mom or it invisibly goes to whatever it is

whatever whatever pork barrel project that you you know the bridge to nowhere or whatever it is and it's very it keeps the natives don't get Restless because it's all sort of invisible nobody's knocking on my door saying I need three thousand dollars from you for the octuplets yeah there's a chick over here who's nuts who already has six kids who once ate more and wears the three thousand dollars you would have been you'd be insane out of your mind you'd be outraged over this but it never really comes never comes to the light until the perfect storm of crazy recession and crazy octuplet mom comes together and now we're all outraged by the way this and I don't mean the octuplet mom but this in general is what got us this is what got us into this position in the first place this is is why we're here quietly all of this mismanagement has gone down but quietly and invisibly like termites attacking

your house right oh you know it when your house is on fire and you know it when The Neighbor exit or tp's it but when the little termites just eat neat and then eventually there's nothing but a stucco shell right if there were true transparency let's say you charged a shirt with your credit card that was at 26 or 22 percent and I and I said um I'm just going to take all the money you're going to pay for this shirt now you're going to pay your minimum balance for the next two years that 30 shirt is going to cost you 572 dollars right now pay me would you buy that shirt for that amount of money right the credit card companies work the same as the government just shh take the money out quietly and then Dole it out quietly otherwise the natives will get very restless and by the way we'd like to receive your uh bill by email you'll never see a bill they'll just show up imagination click a button to pay your

minimum and that's it all right T-Bone why don't you tease the next story well the octuplet grandmother said she begged that doctor begged that doctor not to implant her daughter with the embryos we'll have that for you and of course American Idol last night should have let the chimp go off on him oh we shouldn't we shouldn't have shot that champ we should have used it yeah we'll take a quick break chimp see those fallopian tubing over there go sick we'll take a quick break back the rest of the news next live in L.A and broadcast across the country it's the Adam Carolla show you're watching webcast Wednesday because Thursday didn't start with a W 97 1 FM talk I'm Mark Bernstein with a message for all kids under the age of 18. hey kids under the age of 18. you want beer and cigarettes of course you do then come to Art Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids it's the only place in town ballsy

enough to admit that kids actually love beer and cigarettes especially under the age of 18. at Art Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids that's all we carry beer and cigarettes and that's all we serve kids under the age of 18. preferably double digit ages since young kids have a nasty habit of setting themselves on fire every time they try to light up a freaking smoke come on kids under the age of 18 don't waste time invaluable kid energy hiding in an alley waiting for some drunk to want to buy so you can ask him to buy your Brews or smokes you're never going to see that money again then what are you gonna do call the cops on the drunk right instead come to Aunt Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids you dummy will we give kids like you under the age of 18 the respect and the beer and cigarettes that you actually deserve bring your mother's stolen pocketbook to Art Bernstein's fear and singer Reds for

kids just look for the giant neon smoking baby the hours to the Stratego tournament with Dad awesome time like is at a child you see a guy you've had sex with from the past you're not the girl for me yes he's 97. tonight on super TV three kids love Freddy grown-ups love Freddie right into his scratch and Freddie loves everyone a risk-free trial updated prostate call 1-800-743-7142 that's 1-800-743-7142 with Beta Prostate your satisfaction is guaranteed or you get your money back call 1-800-743-7142 that's 1-800-743-7142 to order Beta Prostate today

Club 500 happening this weekend special ticket club offers for AAA members at autoclubspeedway.com hey watch fast it's webcast Wednesday 97 1 FM time right now is the perfect time to advertise your business on 97 1 FM talk that's because we're socal's number one radio station with adults with money to spit we've also got three times the streaming audience of any other station in town oh sure times are tough but that means only the smart Will Survive and smart businesses know that the ones that advertise today are the ones that will be here tomorrow like sit and sleep Southern California Ford dealers miles Berman and Trader Joe's so do yourself a favor call Dave Severino today at 323-930-7350 he'll get you on the air fast and he's making deals he's one of the smart businesses call Dave Severino at 323-930-7350

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them stuffed with love you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM top now to keep you entertained oh it's it's Tim Conway Jr well at least someone will be talking and they that whole concept of giving you a little bit of a disease to protect you from that I mean if you told me I'm gonna shoot a little bit of sickness in your arm and then you don't have to worry about whether girl is nasty or not you know how about that you know right exactly you'll be immune to syphilis I don't know if I'd take that shot yeah it just sounds strange here let me shoot this flu in you yeah it does sound weird doesn't it I mean you know somebody said I'm going to give you a little herpes yeah but you're not going to get the big herpe ever this is gone man this is gonna protect you from your whole head becoming Escape you know well I had a a friend speaking of that with the with the herpes uh I I once had um I was in

high school and I didn't have a herpes I just literally literally had an ingrown hair above my lip but it looked like it could have been like a herpes if you look at it Jerry please and there was a big party that weekend and I said to you know the chicken I was going to go with I said I'm not going to this party and she was why not I said because I don't want to go to a party with that thing in my lip because then everyone will talk about that for you know three years like oh that's the guy and she says yeah but our friend Ken blank he goes to parties with that on his lip all the time I go that's right I don't want to be the reference for that you notice that he's the reference for that I don't want to be be that dude the Tim Conway Junior show weeknights at 8 on 97.1 socal's FM talk station

we've installed a virtually invisible pane of super hardened glass on this Central Park jogging path as a wacky surprise for morning Runners uh-oh Here Comes to see what happens her nose is bleeding all over the place more like shattered oh yes you're right on that one but that's because you're the featured injury on tonight's ouch that's that's me can you believe it first we did you ran face first into this super hard and glass look for deals event is over she won't be coming back call us at 949-718-3000 visit fjmercedes.com better yet drive over today to Jamboree at the 73. Fletcher Jones Motorcars Mercedes-Benz Newport Beach C Class 39 at least 10 000 miles per year 4544 plus license to do it on MSRP 37385

this is the Adam Carolla show before we go rushing out into something that ain't going to be so pleasant let's be sure we know what this is all about coming up this morning we'll talk to David Alan Greer is this just another big government Shakedown or is someone playing the race car Nascar driver Sam hornis Jr we'll talk Academy Awards with Bruce villanche and the Oscar goes to and the gay gossip with Lynn and Alex ho Mo sexual plus the news with Teresa Strasser and of course I love the penis gang and your phone calls at 866 901 Adam s and now live in Los Angeles and webcast at adamcarolla.com why don't you get a windbreaker that just says world's biggest [ __ ] Adam Carolla Good Times signing myself some jackets of the hammer now would be a nice time to send those in by the way if you'd like me to uh sign those now maybe FedEx I'm in or be good to uh work the overnight side of it but I'll probably be able to get to

them for a few more days after this weekend so uh if you have a jacket you have the hammer you want it signed the window is closing so you may want to get that in t yes the news baby girl a majority of Americans believe the doctor responsible for Nadia suleman's octuplets should be held accountable for the welfare of the children his name is Dr Michael kamrava and the octa-grandmother says she begged him begged him not to implant her daughter Nadia with embryos here is Angela Suleiman on the early show yesterday well as far as I'm concerned he shouldn't have done it but he's a doctor when he's asked to do something I guess he doesn't refuse so the doctor actually called and wanted to talk to Nadia and then when I realized that was her doctor I pleaded with him please don't do this anymore and he promised he promised fell on deaf ears yes what's in it for him besides the potential lawsuit I mean here's one grand here's a

theory they judge fertility doctors based on their success rate right his was very low I think it was about 10 I read somewhere so uh if he were to implant more embryos he's likely to have a higher success rate thus he could earn more money huh better batting average according to thank you thank you of course that helped to elucidate the point according to the website for the society for assisted reproductive technology geez yeah he hit for the cycle twice yes even with his controversial fertility techniques camrava has one of the worst success rates in the country hovering at about 10 the national average is 39 percent wow all right so she went to a guy with a horrible batting average who obviously was cheaper than most because when your batting average is that bad you have to pass along the savings right yeah and also affordable he's a guy that's going to allow a single mother of uh six at that point to possibly have

and you know she could have more yeah with no job and a lot of debt all right now can we just put these guys on a stick and put them out front of the state cap at all and to hang some sort of Scarlet Letter over around them because uh like I said economically they couldn't pick a worse time to do this but it's a good thing to shine a light on this sort of stuff and again this whole thing where I I see her just physically trying to deal with I mean now she's dealing with six kids but they show her pull up in a minivan she's got a stroller that looks like it's out of a Three Stooges movie she's trying to unpack the stuff I mean it's physically impossible for one person nay two people nay five people to do this gig absolutely I read a great interview yesterday with Dr Drew's wife and it was about the octomom and her own experience raising triplets and she said uh it was just you know something that absolutely

absolutely took all of their time energy and resources and they had Around the Clock help but to think about breastfeeding changing fee everything three babies you know is is something that really surpasses most people's ability whatever but now 14 kids eight of them babies and they're going to have special needs by the way three of her six kids she had before are getting disability from the state they have special needs also so that was the interview of crazybroad.com last I've never actually spoken to her I've just heard Drew speaking to her on the cell phone will do we'll do we'll do okay then all right well that was a good piece it had pictures of the triplets we're getting on the plane we'll do Larry will do all right planes taxing will do will do okay uh stewardess is a wrestling phone out of my hands will do well Ming attempt attack my chimp right now in a diaper will do we'll do we'll

do wait it what well where did Douglas last put us where where do you see the retainer okay well then you gotta check the sofa will do well all right plane going down into the Hudson okay will do okay will do okay we'll do okay now I'm submerged in I actually called Hudson River well I'm actually being attacked I mean at night right by the Chimp in a diaper in the Hudson River okay will do will do oh well then deal you'll have to pick him up from soccer practice okay will do let's uh let's extend my relationship with her don't be a player hater I can try to get off the phone will do let me tell you something I'll tell you they're between men and women I don't know if women do this when guys are around other guys and the old lady calls uh on the blower yeah oh they're immediately and get off the phone mode right because that's embarrassing you don't have a long talk in front of your guy friend

will do will do love you will do same here will do same to you will do thank you what you said back to you I would like uh actually there should be a phone uh called like uh the right the Verizon gent and there's a will do button and you just press and it just will do that was a man show skit oh it was oh we already did that one too it sounds like such a great idea yeah yeah it was the button you press on the phone when the girl called and the man Jesus between cranky anchors in the man show what happened covered I no but there's a baby talk button too is like it when you know you're like oh yeah that was my manovation at least I should have remembered it is there a button button checks Brian's head out of your house is scary because I remember that yeah it's a little much yeah just a little there and I appreciate it that was a man show sketch anyway oh gosh well it it uh it was an interesting conversation with Mrs Pinsky

and she said that the doctor encouraged them to uh to to not have all all three and actually I think four of the embryos at first it looked like they were gonna have four and then one of them didn't make it so there were three and they were you know that three was it was almost impossible for two healthy educated people with means now this woman was on disability for many years now this I don't understand because either you're disabled and you can't work and that's fine or you're able to um Carry and care for 14 children in which case you were probably not disabled so give us our 165 thousand dollars back yeah well look obviously it's simple math there is a pot and the pot is put in the middle of this country and either you're putting money into the pot or you're taking money out of the pot and she was taking it out of the pot by the bucket load and the less we have going into the pot and the more we have

coming out of the pot well then that makes for the kind of economic climate we have now now a lot of people think the answer to the solution is for the people and or the government to go ahead and refill the pot with money my feeling is let's slow down and take the money out of the pot and let the businesses start to thrive either way threshold for disability seems a little low do we why you got a backache but you can carry eight kids let me say this God damn it I swear to God you guys have not tried or attempted to build anything in the city of Los Angeles the city of Los Angeles bring they show up with a tub of Ky and they just go bend over oh and as a matter of fact here's old deal and the guy will be nice sometimes he'll go look sometimes when I'm raping you prison style you have a little trouble filling out a check so if you'd like to go ahead and cut that check to the government before I rape you well then do that or

what we can do is have you fill out the check after I rape you but either way you know what a lot of people prefer a lot of people are to emotionally distraught after the government rapes them when they're tempting to build something so go ahead and fill out the check to the government now and then we'll rape you look if you want to build anything in the city of Los Angeles you have to go down to City Hall and bring your goddamn knee pads in your checkbook because that's how it works a permit for everything a soils report Landscaping people telling you what you can and can't do as I've said guy came out from the city said to me you need sprinklers in your new garage Edition I said uh says here right on the plans I don't need sprinklers well I'm saying you do and I said but it says it on the plans that I know well I'm saying you do need sprinklers well two weeks 20 phone calls and seven hundred dollars later with the

plans going back and forth to the sprinkler guy turns out I don't need the sprinklers you can't scratch your ass in this goddamn City and if you live in a place like Malibu or Santa Monica forget it good luck trying to build yourself a business or a home or put a second story on your garage in the People's Republic of Santa Monica but if you want to go down there park your shopping cart and roll around in your own flop in the Park where kids are supposed to be playing well that's your goddamn business because hey who are we doing Fringe on your rights who are you that's all you do all you do is infringe on our rights and we have to pay for it but yet when somebody that's you know what my back's too sore how about I just Hammer the checks you give me for the next 10 years no questions asked really that's your policy beat the crap out of the taxpayer beat the crap out of the homeowner make

it as hard as you can as many hurdles as many Hoops as you can possibly jump through and as expensive as you can possibly make it for The taxpayers Who by the way are just trying to put an addition on the home we're trying to employ people who are trying to give money to the lumber yards and all the guys that are associated the electricians the plumbers and so forth and then after you guys reassess the house pay more in taxes make it as difficult as possible for that chap to do that but if you uh if you want some disability no questions asked Corolla is exciting that's an awesome plan for bankruptcy California and that's exactly where we are Jesus Christ one's somebody gonna stand up now sorry to pile on to this poor woman who's obviously gotten herself in over her head but if you have to fill out all this paperwork and get all those licenses to build anything or to do anything but you're allowed to have six embryos

implanted when this when the when the state is already paying for three of your kids and for your disability seems odd that child protective services wouldn't pay one single visit before allowing this person to uh to have these 14 kids yeah well everyone's overburdened everyone's overburdened except for the meter mates they're on every goddamn corner you can't leave your car unattended with the meter on red for more than 18 seconds without one of these vultures swooping in so again this we don't have enough people you have plenty of people they're all driving around right hand drive Chevettes that's where everyone is that's Revenue stream quit raping via retardo start putting some money back in Jesus Christ it's really it's I I swear to God they've it's like they've just hey these guys are taxpayers let's just go ahead and ring them and see how many nickels come out of their ass now you may have

been wondering what what disorder does Nadia Suleiman have exactly now to me she seems to have some kind of body dysmorphia she's had a lot of plastic surgery which she doesn't admit to having and uh the compulsion to keep on and planting yourself with embryos now here her mother yes speaking to yesterday to the Early Show describes her daughter sort of offhandedly as having OCD at what point did you say stop having babies I told her she needed to stop because I wouldn't be able to help her because it was not enough room in the house and for some reason she couldn't I guess that's what happens when a person is obsessive compulsive what would she say to your objections she said that um she'll take care of it and she won't have any more and then you see it but she is pregnant again and again is she sick she doesn't seem sick she was brilliant in her studies but as far as every day life is concerned she is just

not really thinking things through sometimes we also make a wonderful mother to that hockey team she has yeah I guess if you have a diagnosable mental disorder and even your mom acknowledges maybe it's not a great idea didn't plant the six embryos we had to hook her up with Chris Brown right he's single yeah but rehabilitate His image nothing to be cuter than him yeah you know just scoop scoop yeah sure about a holster right the kids should be giving up for adoption Mama's nuts Mama's broke mama can't take care of the kids and the kids were a mistake and the eight kids by the way before they bond with Mama should just be taken home they should never go to her home and by the way her home has you know it's shaped like a shoe and there's a bunk bed built for 19. they should never go the F home from the goddamn Hospital they're our kids by the way they're not your kids they're our kids we paid for them and I would like

to by the way sell them on eBay try to recoup some of this tax money plenty of plenty of nice families will pay plenty for a family like that that's right I think you're right we could probably wake up the band sell them on eBay just like Jacko right next to jacko's glove right there's it's a big time for auctions all right well at least we have American Idol to distract us yeah we do the semifinals are underway on last night's show the first 12 contestants took the stage hoping to earn America's vote the judges were rough on several of the singers but Alexis Grace managed to get a thumbs up from all four with their rendition of Aretha Franklin's I never loved a man others who earned High Praise included Danny Gokey and Ricky bratty tonight three people will be voted into the next into the top 12. you think aretha's loving a lot of men these days loving a lot of Haagen-Dazs oh come on maybe she's been

hogging the Doss again she's loving some cheese pliers so the top male or female along with the next highest boat getter will all move into the top 12. now as far as vote for the worst which is always fun this year so far they want you to vote for Tatiana and Toro she's the insane one and the entire time last night she was singing I just thought this is why salieri was mad at God for making Mozart so talented because Mozart was kind of vulgar and weird and crazy and a lunatic and crass but he had all that musical Talent Tatiana is so bizarre what season's salieri from he's from the very first season of uh Viennese Idol um yeah because she's clearly gifted she's so gifted but she's nuts not only is she gifted but she's beautiful I mean she's the camera likes her face but she's com I mean she's the most grading human being and yet when she stepped on the stage I knew she was gonna be good she

just God gave her the pipes let's take a listen not another Gwar song the guy's running around and pumping outfits are really distracting Slipknot is so effed out on this show you're saying Clown Posse backing arrows garish

yeah she's good yeah here's what Simon had to say what'd she do off stage by the way that makes her so nutty well you have you have you watched any of the uh I've seen a little of it yeah she had a fight with her group you know they do the group audition and she had a big fight with them she's a drama queen as Simon said last night she has a crazy laugh and they did a montage where they put all her crazy laughs together you can't believe what you're seeing uh she was mean to the other people in her in her not mean but she was so crazy kind of affected her whole group uh she's just one of those people that you know your your spidey sense would tingle right just a little a little bit off um the crazy laugh was probably the most notable thing but last night she came out very subdued hold on she was trying to put a new uh New Image out there here's uh here's a montage that we're laughter thank you

he told me that I had to sleep with him to get my album house this is where all of you this is the best day in the whole world I am a damn good vocalist thank you so much she's the guy who thanked the guy holding the boom mike yeah that happened right after what you just heard it's awesome thanks everyone clearly the guy holding this dick there's something called craft service where they put out a spread of Eminem and Philly cheese thanks for that and I want to thank them there's a lot of talk also about her dream this is my dream you're not gonna take my dream away from me I don't like it when people have a dream under 25. I know I just wanted my dream Xanax tea like that chimp guy yeah it is if I could have had some of that Xanax tea by the way maybe you should head over to the crime scene and be like I need to take this look uh forensics I want to just slide into this yellow tape for one

second I I know I'm not looking to disturb anything but the Xanax tea oh and the diaper I know it looks like a blockbuster questioning of Pampers it's a big RX on a mug going out the door seriously I don't know

yeah that's that's sounding better by the second it sounds delicious well Tatiana was pretty good and uh even Simon had to admit it actually surprisingly it wasn't bad at all um it was better than I expected um I think you as Paula said if you've got to lose this sort of slightly weird thing you've got going on at the moment the demure thing because it's actually makes me a little bit nervous yeah do it my friends told me that I've never laughed like that before in my life she's a bad combination of unlikable and weird looking she's weird I think she's pretty cool she's got beautiful skin by the way beautiful skin guys hear beautiful skin about the same way we hear cute Personality yeah a lot of fun yeah small small pores yeah sure just puts a ton in front of fun we'll do the math do you want to hear the worst performance of the night yeah this is tragic poor girl's a teenager Stevie Wright here she is butchering a Taylor

Swift song called You Belong With Me you get the idea another concept I don't want to burst the ladies uh bubbles but every third romantic comedy is my love has been in front of me the whole time that doesn't really happen like really He's Just Not That Into You yeah like oh yeah you know when your hair's out of a bun and you take your glasses off you're piping hot and I never knew it nope we know it your body's killer we can do the uh LensCrafters bun math and by the way the first night we enjoy a beer together I'm on you like white on rice that's how it goes it's never like oh yeah it's you Scarlett Johansson yeah I couldn't see it because your hair was in a bun yeah the only time I noticed was when you got dressed up to go on a date with somebody else that's when I noticed yeah and I am who Patrick Dempsey yep yeah yeah that's awesome and you're helping me you know give me tips and pointers that's right

what to do and how to act I don't know you're hot all of a sudden who's that yes well tonight you can see Michael Johns and Carly Smithson who are finalists on American Idol last season performing a duet on the results show I'm Theresa strawser that's the news tomorrow's news today Teresa strawser do you CNN all right uh we're gonna press on here we're doing this thing I'm in a little movie called this still waiting out on DVD as we speak we have uh 250 bucks to give away if there's a waiter or waitress I think we did this once that's f'd out Morning Show stuff but it's sort of satisfying which is uh especially if you're out here in LA but even even in on uh one of the affiliates have you ever waited on a celebrity and did you get the big tip or did you get the shoe or how were they the whole thing about I'm surprised when celebrities are a-holes because Brian if you go into a Denny's and

you're an a-hole nobody goes hey man that uh Brian is a they don't know who you are but if you're Al Pacino everyone goes hey that guy's an a-hole and then it then it spreads around reputation proceeds here they're looking for you to be either good or bad it's my uh porn rental Theory I can't rent porn anymore because it's a pathetic guy from The Man shows in here renting porn versus when I was swinging a hammer no problemo would you mind those beads areas man you can't be cheap and not tip people with impunity once you're famous yeah listen uh the Western doors are still flapping could you give me could you give me a minute Stern doors it's all that separated you from the porn section back in the day Chad what's behind those beads listen there's only enough room for one pathetic sheriff in the town of masturbation Gulch that's the ace man guy comes right out to put the beer there's porn in them Hills I tell you

all right we'll take ourselves a quick break 866 901 Adam want to speak to the waiters and waitresses net when I say webcast you say Wednesday webcast all right you look like a real door talking to your computer monitor there this is 97 1 FM talk online welcome to the all-new Jam in 97.1 jams your music for L.A Daddy Yankee pit bull Flo Rida Chris Brown obituary and Slayer this is the new Jammin 97.1 jams la awesome new station hip-hop reggaeton and death metal

it's like it's 101 Thursdays at five if all women were ball busting [ __ ] I'd go gay now to keep you entertained here's Tim Conway Jr all right you got ADD ADHD what do you got working no I understand oh I should come see you yes I actually live right across the street from the studio so I would come and test you for free oh wow that'll be well maybe we'll do that one night now what is it what are the what are like the some of the main like the top three questions you would ask somebody comprehensive test we do but yes a lot of are you focused can you focus or are you not focused um is it um can you can you concentrate for more than you know 10 or 12 minutes on on some kind of task and for adults and children it's very different children sometimes are very ears those are my that's my hot dog read the chips seriously dude don't eat them all right all right we uh thank you for calling baby yeah okay all right there

she goes I have no idea what she said it sounds like she had it though didn't it yeah that was something that was something that needs medication the Tim Conway Junior show weeknights at eight on 97.1 socals FM top station frustrated because people don't take you seriously I would like a lodge imagine how your life would be if you could talk just like your favorite radio DJ now you can thanks to John St John's talk like me and you'll succeed home study cassette the forecast calls for beautiful sky six weeks you could sound just like John Satan coming up to a genius 20 in a row unbelievably long block of blue music listen to what it did for this loser a continuous soup with non-stop crackers wow you sound just like that John St John I'm impressed by your manhood what are yours today I would like a burger with the most pickles and the widest variety of ketchup that's great call 1-800 John St John St John right

back at you today you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk foreign carola show have you ever waited on a celebrity who was it did they leave a good tip or did you get the shaft call 866 901 Adam and tell us about it webcast live at adamcarolla.com it's the Adam Carolla show well let's see dag is in the building so we'll bring him in in a couple of few Let's uh talk to the waitresses first uh somebody says uh Alex Trebek got him fired oh Dave yes how did that work

s oh you didn't you didn't State the specials in the form of a question and uh he does love to pronounce them words what is so I'd say he cost me at least 250 dollars for their week when he got me five now did he really get up and go talk to somebody about your pronunciation yes at the end he went over small corner of the restaurant I watched them speak with the manager and uh guess who guess who wasn't there next week yeah that's the worst feeling when you see your manager and a customer you know didn't like you having a little ted-a-tet refrain from using ethnic slurs and then it came over just because you couldn't pronounce the whatever you had to pronounce on this specials menu it really is do you remember any of the words you were supposed to say no but by the way Dave and all the other people that were escam from their gig over almost nothing here's uh this is some Solace for you you were probably a horrible employee

anyway I don't like waiting tables yeah yeah you're bad at what you do because when someone is really good at what they do and you go to the boss and you go hey we got to get rid of this guy let's just say the guy is the greatest I.T guy on the planet he's a computer nerd he knows everything he keeps the business running and you go hey man Kurt gave me the stink eye once again by the bathroom so I want you to come loose it's like I'll fire your ass before I fire his ass right we had a bartender who was amazing at his job had a little drinking problem and uh one morning when I came in for the lunch shift he seemed to be passed out in the alley right did not get fired now I have a little guacamole on my tie I'm gonna get written up sure sure that was guacamole or you were just helping him sober up Xanax tea this will snap him out of his Funk we could give him coffee or I could give him one of these

point is when you're really good at your job and Alex Trebek comes over and says that uh you butchered uh brioche uh it doesn't matter you're still going to work if you're crappy at your job people are looking for excuses to Bullet you yeah any infraction all right let's see let's uh you want to talk about Steve Young Joey hey how's it going guys give us a Steve Young story

really horrible yeah like we'd avoid it like nothing else really bad temper no it's horrible he pulled out a lot of cash you pay his bill and then hardly anything on it all the time I don't understand the tip thing because I was always poor and always gave a dis decent tip because it was easy because when you're poor you eat at cheap restaurants and you go out to the Corner Diner and you have some eggs and some bacon and some toast and it comes to 4.99 and uh with the with the OG OJ and the coffee or whatever the bill comes to six dollars and 33 cents you just leave 10 bucks and you're over the 15 quite easily and it's no problemo right absolutely yeah a lot of people don't know though yeah I don't uh I don't understand but this is Steve Young before he was Steve Young this is a young Steve Young now this is

so he was putting all his extra cash in a basket exactly he looks that as a tip and did he just go to BYU and by the way when you get recruited do they also recruit you into the Mormon church or he's a descendant of Brigham Young oh yes he's actually a few Generations removed from Brigham Young wow Legacy Matt yes you uh waited on Bill Clinton yes I did and his daughter Chelsea mm-hmm OS in Portland Oregon and there was like 100 000 people downtown but he came to the restaurant and uh the Secret Service like shut off all the eggs nobody was allowed to come in or leave but the man himself was like so charismatic he resides like being a good Tipper he's being back into the kitchen got the dishwashers out of the back got all the cooks he took pictures of everybody wanted pictures he didn't sign anything that anybody wanted like he was just like so gregarious no he was with Chelsea yes now look I'm um I'm no uh

health health expert or I don't I don't work for uh the uh that department but uh how many hair nets would Chelsea hit Clinton have to Don I mean you know he has gone out of control she might have been before yeah you know what the saddest thing on the planet is the beard net you know the biker dude who gets a crappy job in the food prep thing and not only does he have the net on the head but he has the beard looks like he was in a fire yeah industrial fire really dude you're the beard net shades of Mickey Rourke and the wrestler having to put his big Mane under the net yes the beard net is uh it's really up there with the dental dam which uh look when you're strapping that baby on it's time to really stop and take a good accounting of your life although good name for a seafood restaurant beer net yeah all right somebody used to wait on me and uh Jimmy and Burbank Tom what's happening Tom uh how are you

your person my personal waiter well I was the one who always was waiting on you when you guys came in Vito always uh put me over with you guys so over in the uh I'm sure you remember bacos I don't know sure go there so uh we used to wait on you guys it's always open for that big payday yeah never got it nah that's all right I was a uh I was an actor at the time you got 20 though at least right yes yeah you guys always gave me 20 but I was always uh bringing over the you know the free drinks and the free desserts and stuff like that you guys were awesome I always look forward to when you came in but uh free boost part but uh continue well to either flip my resume or have my headshot but never never crossed the line between uh you know the professional well it worked out for you you're in Phoenix now calling this show yeah yeah I am I'm no longer acting right after that I left uh and went to work in

mortgages essentially single-handedly ruined the market by moving to Phoenix and getting into the mortgage business that's what happened I took it from California to Phoenix all right well if you get back to uh waiting tables me and Kim will come in we'll uh give you a tip look I've said this many times uh I've had friends say hey man people recognize you you got to be a big Tipper I I always say I don't want the word to get out hey Frank Sinatra Jr Jr is over here and he's giving out the big tips because that means every doorman you got to give 100 bucks to instead of 10 bucks to and every cab driver if you don't once word gets out you're you're Frank Sinatra or your Howard Hughes and you're screwed right the best tippers in the world are other servers especially that are currently serving because you have a lot of cash on you right and you've just depended on the kindness of strangers

for the cash in your pocket and it feels good just to drop you know 30 percent yeah Magic Johnson was someone that Clint waited on Clint how you doing Adam what's happening Clint oh I'm just actually pulling into work right now I heard you're looking for waiters the celebrity stories yeah I waited on Magic Johnson of an Italian restaurant in Ashland Oregon this guy came in wearing cut off sorts magic came in wearing cutoffs cut off jeans he said that he was staying in the hotel up here he didn't have a lot of clothes with him so he wanted to go swimming he cut off his jeans afterwards came to the restaurant and his tip was what 100 bill on a 78 dollar bill he's giving me over 100 tip um yeah the uh one of the best ones and uh we should uh look it up but I brought it up before which is uh what's his name the crazy uh music producer shot the chick in the face that night literally went out for a drink I think his bill

was like 50 something bucks and he left 500 and he didn't know that he was going to end up on the police blotter that was just what he did right I swear to God I think he left 500 bucks on like he had a couple of couple of cocktails that is nuts all right let's do one more let's see who do you want to talk about Chase Online four Chase Chase hey how's it going nice man what's going on Chase no no one time uh at a Buca di Beppo here in Las Vegas we had all the Spearmint Rhino girls come in for their Christmas party yeah that's who you want by the way you want strippers because use tease waiter and waitress math and then just times it by 10 and adds some kissing potion oh yeah oh yeah their bill is about a thousand dollars and they tipped us an extra thousand dollars on top of the gratuity and everything hey they make their money on tips B they have cash and then C I mean seriously I used to this was one of my this is one

of my problems really as a as a Tipper in the past and in the in the present um by the way not cheap always 20 but never the big fat you know just uh Sinatra gratuity um I used to be a carpenter and so it's like I would do Roofing or I'd be crawling on your building or I'd be demoing out some drywall and I would get twelve dollars an hour and I wouldn't get paid cash I'd get a paycheck at the end of each week and the government would take out their 25 or 30 percent and I'd have 288 bucks and when I realized that that ten dollar tip that I'm leaving you or the extra 10 I'm gonna throw down the table is an extra hour of me stripping a roof off of a building in Pacoima I couldn't do it but if it was shaking my ass for a living and drunken guys were tossing wads of money and trying to hit my vagina like uh they were playing whack-a-mole yes yes I would definitely leave a bigger tip yeah and there's an emotional part

of it too because you've just been serving people especially if you're a stripper I mean you haven't literally been serving them but you've been serving them and it's a good feeling to sit down have somebody bring you some drinks dags coming in next but Ricky had dank as a customer Ricky Ricky you're on the phone yeah I'm sorry how you doing Adam you had dag oh yeah he was just an awesome person to just be around he even had the pleasure of fishing with him as well just an awesome awesome person that was Damon Wayans you had dag and he said dag was a good Tipper oh awesome Tipper the Skippers were always just happy as a clam matter of fact he'd fight to go ahead and see who would you know who would go with him but dagger always wanted to take one guy the cult we called him chaparro and you know that means a smaller or short in Spanish and those people not known for the Tipping and I mean improvisational

artists I don't know where people's heads are stand-ups are better tippers thank you that's what I'm getting at Ricky yeah uh we'll take ourselves a quick break I'll tell you what I'll give you the 250 bucks for uh from uh still waiting by the way out on DVD as we speak very cool and I'm giving it to you because you gave us a nice segue to Dag David Alan Grier my main man in studio next

this is the Adam Carolla show Central Park jogging path as a wacky surprise for morning Runners oh here comes a young lady now let's see what happens look painful her nose is bleeding all over the place more like shattered oh yes you're right on that one but that's okay because you're the featured injury on tonight's ouch that's funny can you believe it of course we did you ran face first into this super heart and glass look and by golly it was funny what about my nose I'm a model you know a model not anymore don't miss ouch that's funny tonight at 7 30 right after Aramaic Jeopardy on super TV three one

foreign 's number one radio station with adults with money to spin we've also got three times the streaming audience of any other station in town oh sure times are tough but that means only the smart Will Survive and smart businesses know that the ones that advertise today are the ones that will be here tomorrow like sit and sleep Southern California Ford dealers miles Berman and Trader Joe's so do yourself a favor call Dave Severino today at 323-930-7350 he'll get you on the air fast and he's making deals see one of the smart businesses call Dave Severino at 323-930-7350 I think you know the people who are responsible should not be rewarded paying higher taxes to bail out the stupid neighbor 97 1 FM talk you know there's nothing worse than watching a loved one grow old deteriorate and die sure it's part of the great circle of life but it's also an expensive diaper-changing drool wiping unwelcome

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be talking and then that whole concept of giving you a little bit of a disease to protect you from that I mean if you told me I'm gonna shoot a little bit of sickness in your arm and then you don't have to worry about whether a girl is nasty or not you know how about that you know right exactly I don't know if I'd take that shot yeah it just sounds strange here let me shoot this flu in you yeah it does sound weird doesn't it I mean you know somebody said I'm going to give you a little herpes yeah but you're not going to get the big herpe ever oh man this is gonna protect you from your whole head becoming a scam well I had a a friend speaking of that with the with the herpes uh I I once had um I was in high school and I didn't have a herpes I just literally literally had a ingrown hair above my lip yeah but it looked like it could have been like a herpes if you look at it Jerry please and there's a big party that weekend and

I said to you know the chick that I was going to go with I said I'm not going to this party and she was why not I said because I don't want to go to a party with that thing on my lip because then everyone will talk about that for you know three years like oh that's the guy and she says yeah but our friend Ken blank he goes to party to put that on his lip all the time I go that's right I don't want to be the reference for that you notice that he's the reference for that I don't want to be that dude the Tim Conway Junior show weeknights at eight on 97.1 so FM Chong station

this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com okay so well what is it about Mr Obama's policies that excite you so much it's so much about him that's all deep and whatnot there's so many things about his whole camera to see that excite me he talked about a lot of things that's very important you know things like like countries should be talking smack about each others and whatnot and and how world leaders should be all nice you know and they shouldn't be trying to dog them out we should be nice in things and don't write bad things online about each other because if they do get loud we know he will bust their ass Greer on the Adam Carolla show dag my main nice save it for rehearsal Dag oh my God you gotta rehearse today let me ask you something man my first uh you know I'm doing DWTS the answer is the Stars David Allen Greer yes what's your first dance first dance is a waltz

and I want to meet Lawrence Taylor Lawrence Taylor is on this year yeah he's like the greatest would you say who is the greatest football player in NFL history well definitely one of them everyone says Jim Brown but uh LT for the guys that aren't quite that don't go back that old school huge impact player I mean obviously when you're planning your game and you're looking out for one guy the entire time you're you're tired of time you're practicing your offense and he actually changed the game yeah well I was thinking about dancing with the star but uh is there any no yeah the people don't know people don't know like so my whole like interview where they're like well Lynn doesn't know the difference between you and LT by the way but they're doing the whole thing which one are you speaking of why are you here to do this guys I was like but you know LT uh what he did is he re-redefined the game all I did is talk

about Lawrence Taylor like how huge he was LT is a is a great lesson which is if you're if you're touched by the hand of God you don't have to practice that hard yeah that's the message does that describe your dancing no no I'm rehearsing man I'm rehearsing as much as I can he did Coke bang hookers and showed up and played every Sunday and you know what exactly that's what he did so so now let's talk about your rehearsal for a second Jewel has been blogging that her feet are filled with blisters I mean people we'll be surprised you know I've been on Broadway you know a couple of times nominated for Tony so Jeff Ross was confident Nate cocky when he came in here before dancing he didn't have a dance background I don't know I don't know I don't you know what I'm saying I don't know I just hope that I don't get kicked off the first week I hope I'm not the ringer you have danced on stage before yes I am many times is Steve oh

outlasts you I would be shocked he might Steve O's got skills he can blow things out of his butt he can set his head on fire I mean Adam he came in in a unicycle okay we're great right but Steve oh but I didn't staple my sack to my inner thigh exactly right exactly will set his pubes on fire and last another week yes you know can you imagine that for a finale of a dance number and trust me he will do that he went to clown college and by the way as a parent what's worse bartending school or clown college when your kid makes the announcement I had I had a friend who was a black clown and he said the other clowns were racist because they he was really angry he's like man you think it's a joke it's not man them little clowns when they were in the car he put too much explosives in there so you know all the little clowns get out and he got out

all right let's focus on Dancing With the Stars for a second how many how many hours a day are you going uh eleven to three so you're going about four four hours yeah but you know how it is I mean sometimes like like yesterday I was an hour late because no one told me so right yes but we we're good we were doing the waltz the first week and then we're doing the salsa the second week right that's what I'm really excited about at a certain point you start doing two dances a week and that's when I pointed out to Julian Huff that'll be where I'm getting off this train and it's right about where I ended up getting booted off because the notion of doing two learning two a week sounds insane when you're having so much trouble learning one well I think uh my partner is is happy to be dancing with me because you know I can move a little bit so she's getting like you know I'm gonna jump up in there in the air then

you then you knees and you do a back bend and then I'll land on your face you know I'm like yeah because you know how to pick up choreography and you know counts yeah it's kind of I'm not I'm not a dancer I'm um you know I I was in musicals and I sang and people danced around me right right and then now what uh if there's a part of this that uh makes you nervous we have some part for some people it's the dancing for others it's 20 million people watching you when Bergeron puts a microphone in your face you're cool with that part oh I'm fine with all that I mean I'm but I'm not here I I don't know what they're expecting you know what I'm saying I'm just being myself because I I think you know when you come in for the big uh press shoot uh they're like oh you're gonna come in with the zingers right like I'm gonna be joking man but I'm really just trying to learn these dances you got your dance face on

exactly David Allen the old man in studio rocking the Cod piece absolutely keeping the myth alive take ourselves a quick break he's on the uh you listening if you could just slate yay it's your name you're listening to the atoms Corolla [ __ ] I'll tell you what uh I'm Evander Holyfield and whenever I'm in Los Angeles I listen to the Adam Carolla show foreign

we'll take ourselves a break David Allen Greer in studio back next yeah you're watching webcast Wednesday which means either Adam Carolla Frosty Heidi and Frank or Danny bonaducci yeah I still don't have a clock in here 97 1 FM talk Los Angeles you asked for it and now you have it welcome to the all-new 97.1 Rick FM the first station in SoCal to be playing nothing but Rick Astley songs mornings wake up with a little Rick Astley and then be sure to tune in to the all repeat middays when you'll get to hear even more Rick Astley

and finally Rick Astley will be driving you home afternoons finally a station where you can Rick Roll your friends on the FM tile welcome to the all-new 97.1 Rick FM where the Rick Astley songs never stop

I won't be satisfied until my mouth is full of nuts it's good it's not great for nudity so you thought everything was bad you thought everything was going down the old crapper this is 97 1 FM talk presenting webcasts Wednesdays every Wednesday from 6A to 2B you can watch us live on the web 971 FM talk from all the cool guests in wacky hijinks on the Adam Carolla show the internal feuding and alcohol consumption on frosty onion Frank webcast Wednesdays every Wednesday this is another Grammy spotlight you may remember Bobby Fick lead singer for the early 80s super group chafed thighs after being comatose for nearly 20 years Bobby's new CD Christ I'm on fire has scored him a Grammy nomination in this year's no he's not dead category Bobby told me why he returned to record it well you're homeless for like 20 years and stuff he'll just do anything uh for your next fix a meal Bobby told me an amusing story of how he came up

with the idea for Christ I'm on fire down there one day and these kids come up and they were what they had like it was soda and they poured it on me and then threw a match and poofed there we go up in Flames I swear I saw Jesus Christ and he said Anthony hey [ __ ] get in the puddle catch Bobby performing Christ I'm on fire when he comes to this Sunday night when I say webcast you say Wednesday all right you look like a real dork talking to your computer monitor there this is 97 1 FM talk this is Dan ready we wanted to say something here so please stand by but for now this is getting old real fast but this is had to fill this time with something this is

better than any commercials but you've got to admit this is better than any commercial like it's 101 Thursdays at five foreign foreign this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com Advantage at the exit at turn number two fans on their feet the back straight away pulls out in front Mike lazier goes to the high side get the cameras out for a funnel okay but he was here trying to make it three white owls or Junior is going to win it came here by 24 ten thousandths of a second Sam hornis Jr on the Adam Carolla show David Allen Greer along with rebander Holyfield you like NASCAR yeah Sam Hornish Jr so Sam hello great to speak to you that's nice to be on Sam's going to be driving in the Auto Club 500 this Sunday I have a uh and that's out here in Fontana I have a quick and stupid question for you if it says 500 it's always 500 miles right whatever there's sometimes that they'll say a 500 will be

a 500 lap event uh like when we run at Bridgewater Park still so there's sometimes that's a little misleading uh-huh but uh this week you will be covering 500 Miles well we sure hope so how long does that take does it take like two hours um it'll probably take about uh three and a half four hours just depending on cautions and and whatnot what is uh Sam Hornish Jr by the way on the phone going to be uh driving at the auto club Speedway in Fontana tickets available as we speak I think we have uh some to give away uh 500 Miles what is uh and by the way you know it's cool out today and probably uh this weekend but sometimes it gets over 100 degrees how many pounds do you lose sitting in that cockpit I'm not really sure uh don't have a have a real good uh um number I guess but uh you know even if it's you know 60 degrees or if it's 100 degrees there's really only about probably about five degrees difference

in temperature so inside the car because most everywhere that we raced at it'll be anywhere from 110 to 130 degrees inside the cockpit of the car is that why the guy hands you the Gatorade on the stick Yeah we actually we actually um we run about uh we we have a like a 32 ounce uh like Mug not a mug but uh like a little cooler box thing that uh that I have my water in and like we ran in Pocono Pennsylvania last year and it was like 100 humidity and um I ended up going through two and a half of those so even though you do lose a lot of you know weight from sweating you're trying to keep up with your your hydration through that I would force I don't know if you're married Sam Hornish Jr yeah I'm married I would force my wife to feed me with the stick whatever lasagna on your nail she's making everything had to just come to me via the stick I'd just be on the sofa and it um and then someone come running and

wipe down the TV screen real fast and run back off maybe she can hand him his mail on the stick yeah I tried to get her divorce papers didn't go for it so do David Allen Grier are there any black drivers in NASCAR hell around from like 82. whatever how about there any other any like Asian Hispanic nobody um uh Bill Lester drove the truck series for quite a while that's right he wasn't competitive because of the Spinners

both time almost champagne going slow 30 mile an hour Sam but maybe this day will be upon us soon because I I remember a day when the idea of a Japanese make on the track would have been blasphemy and now there's Toyotas out there being competitive right yeah definitely and there's NASCAR does have a drive for Diversity Program so I mean there's quite a few different drivers in uh Juan Montoya which is a Colombian driver he he's been in the series for two years now so I mean they do have quite a few uh different people I mean it's just uh it's one of those things where it it takes a little while to uh you know there's primary like there was a point in time in NASCAR where if you were from the north you weren't really wow wow you had to be running shine he basically had to put shine in the back seat of your car and a guy played and show in order to join the circus that was before drive for diversity right but wait a minute

isn't there in there a country where NASCAR's really is it Mexico or something where NASCAR is really popular where is that but definitely it's I mean NASCAR's reach has gone far past the United States and Mexico has become very popular um you know Canada and uh you know it's kind of amazing to me because we'll go to quite a few different races throughout the year last year I was at a um Talladega and there was a couple there was a group of about 10 Japanese fans that came over just for the race wow I mean the the one retainer actually getting a lot throughout the United States it's not a travel hey is Sam horse here can I ask you uh one last question uh you drive for Dodge you drive the Dodge Charger and mobile ones the sponsor but the big three are having a little trouble lately is there is there an issue is it going to affect NASCAR I mean what if you know how does this impact your job yeah it's a big

thing if uh you know any of those companies start to have problems I mean that really affects our livelihood and of course you know you know it stretches far beyond what we're doing as far as the uh you know entertainers kind of you know driving the race cars but um yeah my parents own a company that about 95 percent of their work is done for General Motors and the rest of it split up between the other you know big three manufacturers so um it's it's a it's a big deal I mean it's people don't really realize how far that stretches out and they say one in 10 Americans would be affected in some way shape or form if the big three went under and ten Japanese it's definitely you know it'll affect me or they say they say when on Sunday sell on Monday day really yeah oh so when uh Sam Hornish is winning at the auto club this Sunday three o'clock wait wait I got one last do we have time one last

question sure one time I was at a radio station right and this NASCAR guy invited me to ride with him during a race wouldn't that slow him down during a race I swear he said look would you like to be in my car and ride with me at Fontana during a race would you guys ever do that I don't think they'd allow us to do it but definitely so this was awesome Okay cool so this was before the race I was like I really I don't know this before the race I said no because I'm like I don't know you we gonna be sweating for three hours you know going around in the circle my neck's all stretched out plus the the windows are down right I mean there's no windows so if you yawn the car would come to a stop your mouth is so big it's true and what do you talk about after the 12th lap we going around I said we're going around we talk later would you ask to turn on the radio Sam hornace Jr good luck to you this

weekend by the way all right thanks I appreciate you guys having me we I have a couple of uh tickets to uh give away man what are you gonna ask uh you know NASCAR is actually doing is really being affected man it's gone down over 30 percent really late oh yeah mechanics teams are cutting back people are being laid off yeah yes they are did not know that I heard that on NPR so you have to oh it's non-stop NASCAR chatter on that station that's why I don't listen well you know the only the only story they did was about you know it's bad for the hillbillies for the Obama voters hi this is Dick Trickle and whenever I'm in Los Angeles I listen to Morning Becomes Eclectic an NPR hey Havana Holyfield

you won a couple of tickets to uh go out to Fontana this weekend hell yeah yeah heck yeah now he says here we have five tickets but I'm guessing that's five pairs of uh tickets along with some uh parking passes is that uh right five would be a weird odd number that's called prize pack so I think it's five tickets oh it is back all right you and your crew Jared one plus four okay we're going to go into going to picturesque Fontana all right hey I'm from Colton so that's that's good it's a nice Step Up all right hey good news crew we're going to Fontana only if you live in Colton could that sound good let her move up top man I went to Fontana to see some motorcycle races and it was scary even when the motorcycles were there yeah it was just like oh Dag big uh two-wheel fan now can we hear can we hear he banned her one more time just sit down when you Banning to hold him down best that had ever been

and you're listening to the Adam Carolla show you listen to Adam who Adam Carolla show yeah listen to the Alan drilling show wait I gotta tell you this quick story so I do this uh a charity every year you know in Aspen we talk about so when I I used to I used to race event or Holyfield on skis you know and I would be there and like the third year running and they're like David you get to race against the better Holyfield and I was like Hey Evanna we're racing and he go man why am I always wasting you and I was like my butt got so tight because he he like you know yeah he almost pops you know right he's the real deal and I was like wow this dude you kill me I was like foreign behind that really scared voice knew that okay man yeah he was cool yeah he was cool but I was well we banned her you know rebander's a competitor he is he doesn't like to lose in the ring or on the slope letting rebander win at this game

because we ran to Holyfield on on skis it was great that he participated in this charity but he was kind of like Jeff Ross on the dance well stiff speaking of a rebander Holyfield David Alan Greer in studio hey you know what I love about human beings uh I believe our next guest coming up is uh Bruce Valance and if you took Bruce and you put him in his underpants and he stood him next to ebander you would not know that they were from the same phylum or the same planet right we got diversity baby you're right the scientists would be like and what really not really what species same species so we saw the whale now what is this here this no they're both the same they're both the a human human being sorry I'm sorry Homo erectus I got the homo part no no no he's nothing about the same they're the same family they're I think this been a discrepancy messy you see the place card please yeah you wonder about range that is range oh

this is funny man he's been funny for like ever we will uh talk to dagnex I think producer of the Oscars Bruce is he producing him yeah head Rider he worked for Bette Midler he did yeah he's not funny he's funny all right hang on a second I think Bruce on the phone now hang on a second Bruce was a quick break back with dagnex thank you broke down Runaways the down track from the projects and he gets him off the streets this is the Adam Carolla show this is David Hasselhoff that's right he's the huff and he's coming live to Gibson Amphitheater and your friends here at 97 won the rooster socal's only death metal talk station wanna send you to go see David Hasselhoff just be caller 10 when you hear the Hoff say this don't be my car I want it or something like that the Winner's gonna get a family four packet tickets to see David Hasselhoff live at Gibson Amphitheater all these amazing Tunes are

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and finally Rick Astley will be driving you home afternoons you know the rules finally a station where you can Rick Roll your friends on the FM dial welcome to the all new 97.1 Rick FM where the Rick Astley songs never stop

all women were ball busting [ __ ] I'd go gay 101 Thursdays at five I love to hump I hump with a condom like this 101 Thursdays at five you're watching Danny bonaducci on webcast Wednesday [ __ ] we entertain yeah it's right that guy this is 97 1 FM talk you're watching webcast Wednesday which means either Adam Carolla Frosty Heidi and Frank or Danny bonaducci yeah I still don't have a clock in here 97 1 FM talk when I say webcast you say Wednesday webcast all right you look like a real dork talking to your computer monitor there this is 97 1 FM talk online you're watching webcast Wednesday because Thursday didn't start with a W 97 1 FM talk hey watch fast it's webcast Wednesday 97 1 FM 2 you're watching the douche man Danny bonaducci on webcast Wednesday 97.1 FM talk you're watching webcast Wednesday don't get too close to the screen Daniel punch you in the face 97 1 FM talk you're watching webcast Wednesdays with

Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk it's good it's not great for nudity so you thought everything was bad you thought everything was going down the old crapper he's 97 1 FM talk presenting webcasts Wednesdays every Wednesday from 6A to 2B you can watch us live on the web 971 FM talk from all the cool guests in wacky hijinks on the Adam Carolla show the internal feuding and alcohol consumption on cross the audience Wednesdays every Wednesday this is another Grammy spotlight you may remember Bobby Fick lead singer for the early 80s super group chafed thighs after being comatose for nearly 20 years Bobby's new CD Christ I'm on fire has scored him a Grammy nomination in this year's no he's not dead category Bobby told me why he returned to recording well you're homeless for like 20 years and stuff he'll just do anything uh for your next fix a meal Bobby told me an amusing story of how he came up with the idea for Christ I'm on

fire down there one day and these kids come over they had soda and they poured it on me and then threw a match and poofed there we go up in flamed I swear I saw Jesus Christ and he said to me Anthony hey Axel get in the puddle catch Bobby performing Christ I'm on fire when he comes to this Sunday night hey check it out you're watching webcast Wednesday stay tuned because there's more awesome stuff coming up guaranteed 97 1 FM top do you suffer from sinus headache pain the pounding want fast relief get new nasocinosol Mist formerly by prescription only now available over the counter nasosynosol Mist nasal sinus o is not for children under the age of 12. this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com it's time to talk Academy Awards and the Oscar goes to Bruce velanche on the Adam Carolla show he'll be on the phone in one second David Allen Greer um this one Oscar my heart many times

over love being here is on the program he's going to be on Dancing With the Stars as well as the Tempe Improv Tempe Arizona tomorrow through Thursday and Sunday did your partner offer to travel with you because you know they will be and I couldn't wait to tell my wife I was like uh sexually open blonde young single dancers she's like I don't want baby show I Gotta Do It show business Bruce Valance did you do this though did you do this on my first rehearsal I had my sweats on you know I didn't wear any bag we got Bruce on the blower hey Bruce hey girl David Alan Greer who's on with us what's up Bruce how are you replaced Whoopi Goldberg on Broadway I did I did in what role I was in Funny Thing Happened on the Way the forum she was very nice Whoopi's awesome she's always been nice Jenny Beck on the phone as well also writing for the Oscars Bruce let me say this about uh whoopee yeah there's uh

could you please move out to New York and get her an ifb so you can make her funny on The View she's got to sit those three pinheads yeah I know and and Barbara who shows up occasionally to yenter the thing on a protect your investment and she's she's referee she's the world's highest paid umpire uh I gotta say though I had a newfound appreciation for what Bruce does when I realized what Whoopi does without Bruce let's just put it that way well so what do you guys do though you're gonna be there say say like uh okay somebody just won an Oscar and they're walking off stage and they slip and they face plant right I'm the host Bruce give me a joke let's say the person is Kate Winslet case Kate Winslet face plant boom wow wow I would I would say yeah she went down faster than the Titanic all right Jenny you want to get in there give me one give me one honey I'm about to go on become Revolutionary Road

all right all right Jenny did a really good job what what about Sean Penn goes up there to accept his Oscar and he goes on a long rambling political diatribe that'll ever happen then what oh I like this yeah we bring out Madonna behind us I got one last one one last one and I'm fabulous Mickey Rourke who I predict I'm going on record will win best actor wow I will bet money I'll go to Vegas on that one his Chihuahua just died what if he comes on and he's weeping and going on and on and dedicating his Oscar to Loki I should give him a new puppy what do you say after that yeah ding dong the [ __ ] is dead hey Bruce how about this one Jenny hey guys look you tell me all right this dog right or Yogi go I guess he wasn't just It Wasn't That Into You

bottom down bottom down thank you thank you take a little time to be quiet where's Reliance is uh on the blower Bruce how many years is this for you and the Oscars 20th year wow I mean which I can't believe either because every year they say never again and then they call me again so a lot of controversy and I know you can't pick a favorite because of politics but tell us some of your favorites to work with over the last 20 years I'm Billy Crystal I dated them with him and Steve Martin and for them with whoopee and Whoopi before what we did four wow wow and uh was there somebody that was trouble like again I don't want to get you into trouble but you if I bring up Jon Stewart you can go John John's John you just say his name twice and then we'll do the a-hole math he wasn't troubles all the first time he was nervous time he wasn't at all because he had done it before and also because there

was a writer strike and he had to put the whole thing together in two weeks before uh I think we understand this what can we uh I know you can't step on too much but the Hugh Jackman thing a little controversial for the first time in a long time a comedian's not doing it Bruce I heard he's going to come out of a closet in his what it's a it comes out of a closet and he sings a song that's Wolverine not a joke what what can you tell us and uh Jenny jump into and you know Bruce I know you're going to be back next year but Jenny there's a good chance you won't be asked back so feel free to spout off and say whatever you're just not that in there that's good stuff potting down what can we look forward to uh with Wolverine this year sir can you give us any hints any tips there's going to be a lot a lot of entertainment some surprise guests yeah surprise guests we're not giving the lineup out this year correct oh they're

keeping it really really secret we don't even know Peter Gabriel backed out yes I'm fine with that frankly and I mean I love Peter Gabriel but I'm fine with him backing out the Oscars you and Jenny you don't even know who the presenters are going to be no we don't they know you know who they're going to be but but things Chan the thing is when you book somebody on this show when you don't announce it then they can back out right oh yeah right let me ask you the question let me ask you a question Bruce what is the best one-liner that you have given to a host that they just didn't do oh uh you didn't even have to say who it was just give me I just you know I can't even I can't even remember wow I don't know what is the best one that they did do that's one of your favorites who did he come out and say I'm sorry we're late but I had an argument in the car with Rihanna wow that is awesome I like that I think

it's funny but you know that we could do it I thought it was old I'll always go and and how does it physically work the the host you know obviously you guys rehearse the opening and the introduction all that kind of stuff but then Anything could happen somebody could get down and start doing one arm push-ups or somebody could make an off-color remark you're standing next to them backstage right right and you and a small group of writers I'm guessing how many writers how many it's very should be a year I think we got six this year did you say six and I think I recognized Jenny bick's name did you write for Sex in the City that's why I said no he's not that into you I just picked it up now I thought that was some of your topical humor well no Jenny Big's awesome and you guys will try to come up with something in just a few moments that the person is accepting or the musical numbers going on on the fly to

feed to the to the host on the way out yes absolutely and I I I actually did that job once for Jimmy Kimmel on like the I don't know American Music Awards yeah and Dick Clark flung the curtain open in the little room I was in watching the monitor he pointed at me and he said Jimmy get out there on stage oh was this pre or post-stroke I think it was during the stroke actually oh now Bruce and Jenny he's a writer Street you're kidding me I know I'm not kidding you wow you guys can't go wrong having some jokes in your back pocket about how long the show is right

trying to avoid saying we're hoping that the show won't feel long seems like there's always jokes about how long the show is yeah which is why you kind of don't want to do them again we're looking for something a little different wow Jenny uh tacky is what they're saying I'm one of the uh only straight guys to admit I watch Sex in the City quite religiously uh when it was on and even even got dragged to the movie where I got to see the guy's penis it was exciting uh did you write on the feature the sex and City feature that was all home that we just loved until he hates guys I hear no points me too Jenny David Alan Greer here I never watched Sex in the City because I'm not but you're gonna be dancing with the shield but hold on I do have a question about an episode I heard was on why was it such a big deal to the women on Sex in the City when the guy wanted to kiss one of the characters

after he was down in the canyon let's say why was that such a big deal I think guys necessarily like we've been there right that episode I'm worried about it 81st by the way 81st Academy Awards this must be the longest running award show there is right I mean that I'm aware maybe the Nobel Peace Prize or something like that and they have a and I've always wanted to write that show oh yeah and the touching in memoriam but if you're a smart Luther King Jr is going to be ladies with some hookers in the dressing room but go ahead on Bruce what is your schedule like when you're not working for the Oscars I mean what's a normal year for you rahu do you write for you know celebrities are you writing books like How does it go it really when hairspray on Broadway and on the road oh that's right took over for Harvey fierstein that's a lot of hard work isn't it Bruce what it's hard work people don't know I believe eight shows

a week it's insane but it pushes like an OCD button that you don't know you have because you got to get out and do it again but hairspray is a lot of fun you know I mean if I understand Vanessa Redgrave you know like if I had to be Medea choke my children and drag them around the stage every night I'd be out of my mind too wow I thought you were talking about Tyler Perry buddy Tyler Perry gonna come out as Medea that's the one word yeah the next reward Jenny Jenny did you get any traction on that Tyler Perry idea you guys can have it you know it's for me to you yeah oh that yeah yeah wow actually that was and I'm not in that writer's room Bruce sadness no chance he'll be asked yes is there a chance and Bruce I guess it's just a foregone conclusion that you will be the writer for this award show every year right who I mean who knows I've done it 20 years that so I don't it's not written in stone anyway yeah but we

just tested him and he came up with that she went down faster than the Titanic joke like that yeah it is funny let me ask you to stand up Bruce did you ever do standard I just sit down you know oh look I see that's comedy baby that wasn't his best work buddy I did a one-man show and I tell stories and stuff but I never actually did clubs or anything right okay because it's a whole like different energy and it's just you know I mean I'm afraid I'd get mad and you know call your audience names and then I'd be Michael Richards for the rest of my life Wow 81st annual Academy Awards by the way the Oscars of course Sunday February 22nd live five o'clock ABC Hugh Jackman I'm officially intrigued they have haven't given the roster and Hugh Jackman hosting I'm interested we're all gonna watch I'm gonna watch hey Bruce uh Jenny one last thing um Hugh does seem like he can do anything we don't see him in comedic

roles very often but does he have the comedy chops Tony Award shows that he hosted and um he won the Emmy for one and I worked on the board from Oz where he played Peter Allen who I'd written for oh yeah so he he you know got to play a guy you know yeah his audience yeah he hosted the Tonys three times three times yeah we got to get these foreigners off of Our Lives come on this is America Jenny thanks for joining us Good Times Bruce Valance yeah wow we gotta get back into Whoopi's head yeah really high it did get high it was yeah yeah the the hop up an octave yeah let me ask you let me see Teresa did you have fun when we had dinner that time yeah oh wow that is try higher I think Teresa really like you kind of had a crush on me didn't you like Ella Fitzgerald the Memorex commercial if I ask her one more let's take ourselves a quick break David 's attacking me don't play the chimp sound effect after I say David Allen

career sensitivity racial David Alan Grier in studio this Post Obama Lynn and Alex America's favorite Jays in studio with a uh Paris Hilton interview by the way this is an exclusive they sat down at her home right does anyone okay okay dag hang in with us Dancing with the Stars we'll be back okay

foreign thank you you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk hi I'm art Bernstein with a message for all kids under the age of 18. hey kids under the age of 18. you want beer and cigarettes of course you do then come to Art Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids it's the only place in town ballsy enough to admit that kids actually love beer and cigarettes especially under the age of 18. an art Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids that's all we carry beer and cigarettes and that's all we serve it's under the age of 18.

preferably double digit ages since young kids have a nasty habit of setting themselves on fire every time they try to light up a freaking smoke come on kids under the age of 18 don't waste time in valuable kid energy hiding in an alley waiting for some drunk to wand to buy so you can ask him to buy you Brews or smokes you're never going to see that money again then what are you gonna do call the cops on the drunk right instead come to Art Bernstein's beer and cigarettes for kids you dummy will we give kids like you under the age of 18 the respect and the beer and cigarettes that you actually deserve bring your mother's stolen pocketbook to Art Bernstein's cigarettes for kids count the hours to the Stratego tournament with Dad awesome time like is you look into the face of a child you see a guy you've had sex with from the past you're not the girl for me yes tonight on super TV three kids love

Freddy Hey kid don't step on my [ __ ] grown-ups love Freddie and Freddie loves everybody the foul mouth ferret Freddy the foul mouth ferret a comedy the whole family will love from the creators of Tommy the incontinent rat I'm a cat Freddy the foul mouth ferret like this 101 Thursdays at five welcome to the all-new Jam in 97.1 jams your music for L.A Daddy Yankee pit bull Flo Rida Chris Brown obituary and Slayer this is the new Jammin 97.1 jams LA's awesome new station hip-hop reggaeton and death metal

third election day vote for me Walter Moore for mayor I will turn this city around we don't have to live in a crowded third world dump where gangs run the streets Walter Moore for mayor go to waltermore4meir.com we can fix this city paid for by the committee to elect Walter Moore

this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com right now from La ragmag.com yeah right that's just a cover-up you're gay Lynn and Alex you are a homosexual on the Adam Carolla show you guys huge act man first to Tony's now the Oscars you guys must be over the moon oh God I wish I could see his Moon

um no it's it's post Brokeback Mountain don't you go to bed at night and dream of uh Jake Gyllenhaal Adam you know remember the tent scene I wish I knew how to quit you punching up my dreams uh that's a donkey punch Adam wow yeah with a bear he wouldn't be a cuddly yeah um I love Bruce but he's in a category of his own weight outside it's really getting ugly where does stag where would dag be in the kids Department oh

my God I remember wait outside I remember when dad used to do men on film and we've been compared to that oh really Hey listen I want to ask you guys down to gossip business definitely what really happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna oh yeah he beat her bad girl well you really did he bit her wow when a dude bites you that's like you're really crazy not that I'm saying you know a slap or a punch hey we all do it I'm not saying that but I'm saying to me that is like you mean that you're saying she's crazy no he's crazy if he bit her I mean you know what I mean yeah what else yeah what else if you took a comb yeah like a hot Coleman burner would you like to be the first celebrity of color to go on record to officially say that hitting women is not a great idea every time they talk to him they go out and hit the black celebrities they're like you know I love them both we don't want to we want criticize

well O.J man had a point yeah and the best was Terrence Howard came out and and when the uh when the incident first happened Scandal Terrence Howard stood up for Chris Brown and then the Smoking Gun found out that in 2001 he actually was charged with assault and battery so uh yeah but what happened with Chris and Rihanna is exactly what you think happened you know they got in a fight uh he hit her I'm sure she fought back and we're not hearing anything no she ain't putting up with that she did something you should never do to a rap star which is pull the keys out of a 2000 a day rented Lamborghini and throw them into a neighbor shrub would you rent to land why would you ran twice the keys out and Chuck them in a storm drain that's the real question I tell you you hold it feel where she was over it and she's recuperating in the Bahamas now and you know oh hell no let me just say would you be with him

that's rebander Holyfield what he thinks about these two kids what do you think about the story but what do you think about the oldest Chris Brown thing I believe thank you one thing about you Adam is you will pound a bad improv until it's dead yes especially when I'm not the bad part of your conversation with Paris oh my god oh you mean my new bestest friend Forevers Adam I know you're on the edge of your seat of the Paris Hilton interview finally happened Yes we made it through the crystal doors remember where we had been sadly standing out front of where we got declined our first interview yes see Dad when we last left we were trying to get an interview with Paris Hilton and we showed up at our door on Friday last Friday because we had an appointment we didn't just show up yeah I had an appointment I showed up with gifts and for her oh Paris is ill she was Ill we literally were standing

in the rain rain is falling on our garment bags filled with gifts and clothes and they opened the door and we're like Paris is very ill today and she's just not going to be able to make it turned away so so then we reschedule for Monday and I just leave the gifts oh no no oh no so then I rescheduled for Monday and I had to reschedule a plane flight okay so I rescheduled my plane flight interviews at three they call nope she's ill she can do it at five but she can't do it it was after the Grammys it was the day after the Grammys and I heard a lot of people got the flu the next morning it was really going around one of those boxes so then I had to reschedule my flight for the second time and you know that's hard for regular folk right where does she live and where do you guys live we live in West Hollywood [ __ ] and she lives on the top of Mulholland but we were flying out of town but then I

pushed back my flight by two hours just to make this interview and we show up and we light it and we wait for an hour and then Paris Hilton comes down the stairs she literally Cascades down the steps like glorious glamorous smoke what is she wearing oh she's wearing the cutest like little Asian dress like with a little snap here and like chest cleavage like a snow piece you're gonna see it all on the website is it is going up her leg it looks like a cheerleader slowly gentlemen slowly yeah she's kind of got a geisha look she had a she was so gorgeous I'm telling you I was tingling all over I didn't have those super long extensions no short sexy gorgeous golden blonde hair why is she trying to snap on parents this white girl has come out of prison changed her life that's right amen you know what I'm saying I'm not in the news yeah but she teased an emotional C blocker remember Paris was going to go to Dar

first he's going to help the world right back to parachute she comes down the stairs and when she came down the stairs we were actually trying on her Grammy dress like holding it out no and then she walks down like if Dad was eating a bucket of fried chicken downstairs like yes it's just this racist we all know that Adam is a bigot are you guys are you guys really this gay when you're off the air because I'm getting a rumor that because you came in the studio and you guys you said to me hey what's up man did you not did you not say that totally man for sure dude and I was like holding my junk and we have the actual interview professional first of all let's see what Paris has to say about our dear friend Adam Carolla what do you think about him Corolla yeah give us your take on him because people love him people hate him I love him I love him I think he's funny I think he has a great personality he

makes people laugh people he doesn't know who I am she has no idea you could ask him what would that question from Mr Adam Corolla hi Adam what's up um I don't really know what to ask you so since I love animals I'll ask you do you have any pets um

but the thing about Paris was she really was like a cool party girl that you would want to hang out with like you actually got it she's a fun girl right back in the day she was cool her and her sister yeah Nikki's great as well like Paris was like even our camera guy called us like an hour later and was like dude was I the only one who was so surprised how cool Paris was like after the interview she took us upstairs showed us from private nightclub with stripper poles and chandeliers oh my gosh her house was beautiful yeah but it's really like a glamorous and tasteful stripper pole see after after we were done with the interview we'll get back to the interview but after we were done she was totally into us and we ran to her and she was like let me show you my house let me take you upstairs to show you my club and my new recording stood out yeah she was like isn't this horny because that's her new words

oh my God so you say Adam you look so horny right now I love that hat it's so horny I'm so glad you didn't do your hair today and when she walked by him yeah Dad come on you're too horny hold on Dad can't handle the game she has to go rehearse his dance

Dancing with the Stars is like watching the bulges for the game Watch The Stars what is your name I will never I will be looking at your bowls I will be checking which side it's hanging I will okay Paris was really really a genuine girl that I really liked and we gifted her through the whole interview which was hysterical because we gave her jewelry and she's wearing 150 000 braces literally we give her like a couple thousand dollars I like that you didn't front load the gifts but instead you time release them much like a good value what was the best gift you guys think oh my God man we're leaving

after the interview with no cameras and nothing just in our nightclub and telling us how horny we were and we're so hot we were like two gay fairies buzzing around here like we love Paris Hilton so uh so one of the gifts we gave her was a trip to the Riviera in Palm Springs the new beautiful hotel no reaction and I was like in Paris gave you a freak

because you know she doesn't get lots of clothes for free well dresses why right another question it's probably a little different than our childhood where we're like at the uh we're at the 7-Eleven and we're getting the large slurping like you mean I get the Dodgers Davey Lopes cup and I can walk out of there with it oh hell yeah you're wearing your brother's cleats yeah but we also also in the middle of the interview her dog walked by me and it's really cute dog called Harajuku [ __ ] I pick it up and I put it on my lap and I'm like I love this dog and then I'm like Paris do you smell it and she said that's my perfume fairy dust yeah and I said oh no no I I like that I smell dog poop and I lift up the dog and it had crap dog

on high school we said you know Hollywood's a lot like high school I always say that right and Adam you're sitting at like the funny alternative table and I'm a guest at your table you're not the drama nerds no but you're like you know you're like the funny guys um you know you're sitting with Jimmy at the at the table in a high school so I asked Paris Jimmy's like the fat chubby guy that's really funny and cute not bad chubby chubby chubby Husky she's not the funny guy wow Paris of Hollywood's like high school what is your role and she had this to say he's a big fat pig that Hollywood is much like high school and Alex and I's role would be as the really cool gay guys that hang out with all the really hot chicks yes what would your role pairs what would your role be in this High School

if a lap dog could talk wow don't you feel that would be about what it would be I just know here's my take on it Adam I meet a lot of celebrities in Hollywood because we're big stars and when you meet a celebrity it's kind of like meeting you know the most popular person in school they're either going to be really cool or you're going to be really let down and Paris was she didn't disappoint no she gave us what we wanted like we were playing around in that living room like I was gonna pretend to steal a bunch of stuff and I could see the camera and she's up getting her makeup done clearly watching us and listening to us on the monitors so she knew what we were about and she gave it to us like she came posing down the stairs she looked in the mirror and she's like that mirror is so gorgeous that is the most beautiful mirror I've ever seen But if you pop over unannounced you're going to hear the pump of a shotgun wow

I like what you're saying like all popular people she knew how to deliver what you guys wanted exactly and her people were never mean to us even though we rescheduled twice and we were just a measly radio show and she was like honestly she's flying to like London in New York and I'm trying to fit in a half an hour you know which we took about an hour and a half and she was great she's not making money with you guys no she did it for free she like she gave us

and the Pussycat Doll Nicole Schlesinger's boobie their nipple slip today on the website it's huge it's like a brownie fell out of her dress videos before that guys go is there any is what is the biggest because I'm sure even among gossip columnists there's a story that's out there that people are Whispering about what is this Hugh Jackman being gay oh really why would anyone think that I don't know I just little heard I'm just gonna say he works out at the gym every day for 30 minutes that's weird ladies no but what's really weird is when a trainer there nonchalantly says oh yeah that's his boyfriend Whispers Whispers these are the opinions of LA ragmag.com and not CBS Radio I would argue too if you're trying to stay in the closet you don't host the Tony's three years running by the way we also gift from Paris Hilton to Teresa Strasser a sorry bottle of her beautiful fairy dust perfume what does it say

Teresa to Teresa misspelled heart Paris Hilton and you also have a beautiful bag custom made by Paris maybe I wasn't listening it smells like wealth and affluence and glamorous top notes of Chihuahua crap we'll take ourselves a quick break dad you want to hang in we're freeing the studio of the gays oh it's gonna stink in here

when I say webcast you say Wednesday webcast all right you look like a real dork talking to your computer monitor there this is 97.1 FM talk online welcome to the all-new Jam in 97.1 jams your music for L.A Daddy Yankee pit bull Flo Rida Chris Brown obituary and Slayer this is the new Jammin 97.1 jams LA's awesome new station Hip Hop reggaeton and death metal

it's like it's 101 Thursdays at five if all women were ball busting [ __ ] I'd go gay now to keep you entertained here's Tim Conway Jr all right you got ADD ADHD what do you got working no I am to be an idiot ADHD oh I should come see you yes you know what I I actually live right across the street from the studio so I would come and test you for free oh wow they would do that one night now what is it what are the what are like the some of the main like the top three questions you would ask somebody it's a whole comprehensive test we do but yes a lot of are you focused can you focus or are you not focused um is it um can you can you concentrate for more than you know 10 or 12 minutes on on some kind of task and for adults and children it's very different children sometimes are very interesting those are my that's my hot dog the chips seriously dude don't eat them all right all right we uh thank you for

calling baby yeah okay all right there she goes I have no idea what she said it sounds like she had it though didn't it yeah that was something that was something that needs medication the Tim Conway Junior show weeknights at eight on 97.1 so gals FM talk station are you frustrated because people don't take you seriously I would like a lodge imagine how your life would be if you could talk just like your favorite radio DJ now you can thanks to John St John's talk like me and you'll succeed home study cassette the forecast calls for you six weeks you could sound just like John's HR coming up on you was 20 in a row in a row evenly long block of new listen to what it did for this Loser yeah yeah I'd like a bowl of continuous soup with non-stop crackers wow you sound just like that John St John I'm impressed by your manhood are yours today I would like with the most pickles and the widest variety of

ketchup that's great call 1-800 John St John St John right back at you today foreign you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk foreign foreign when I say webcast you say Wednesday webcast all right you look like a real dork talking to your computer monitor there this is 97.1 FM talk five dollars off your purchase of any two entrees it might not balance the trade deficit but it will help you balance your budget only at Macaroni Grill

this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com waitresses listen all week for your chance to win cash from the guys who brought you waiting comes the Saucy new sequel still waiting when the old Shenanigans crew opens up a tata's Wing Shack next door the battle is on even more outrageous raunchy and Roth than the first time around still waiting is available on unrated DVD now now back to the Adam Carolla show speaking of DVDs I'm signing my jackets as we speak so uh you may want to go FedEx people that's all I'm saying David Allen Greer dag my main man in studio Dancing with the Stars I say the sleeper the Dark Horse if you will Tempe Arizona tomorrow through Sunday and by the way his uh beautiful Kim Johnson his dance partner they go with you you understand they're like they they're your ward if you go I'm going out of town they go with you she's never seen snow really oh

Teresa I gotta talk to you I'm just saying I want to do something Just For Old Times Sake if you don't mind what kind of something well when we get to it sorry man oh no not snoring no I'm just saying you know because how do you know it's snoring I was just guessing yes many gifts in this bag of tricks yeah what I mean was it like a wow I didn't mean that to be dry you know what is weird you know it's weird I noticed when Lynn and Ken and Alex you guys still gay yeah yeah ours hating how about Paris that's just confusing and she attacked me don't say you guys [ __ ] oh okay well let's go to news then let's go right to it Teresa Strasser right to it on Monday of course

sorry try to enjoy it like I'm awake I'm sorry go ahead it's like a rape oh that's like the n-word for women it's the r word is it really like okay sometimes that's the only way to get people to hear well okay enjoy it like a rave but it's a gang rape and this is the last guy I'm not saying it so it's almost over I can know it's almost over that's what I'm saying hold on wait a minute Adam Carlo the new guys just pulled up you said that was the light at the end of the tunnel not a Carlo full of new guys the tunnel part is right no light yeah so you got through the Bloods we got the Crips now okay did you know what chimp attacked its owner's friend yeah when I was in junior high school they cost nine hundred dollars and they are for sale in Detroit because I called it a pet shop but one was I'm serious when I was 13 and I went to the library and I read everything it was 900 and you and I

asked the guy what do I feed him oatmeal and brown bananas and I didn't have nine hundred dollars but isn't that for like a spider monkey that's not for a football chimpanzee back in 1968 you could get anything we made it we had made a huge mistake in this country by budding up every truck driver and every sitcom with a chimp and making a friendly chimp everywhere we went we somehow realized that these first off you ever see their teeth chimps they got some big old sharp fangs on there yeah the strength of 10 men and they ain't your best buddy and I don't want to hang out with anything that snaps we got we got it's Tarzan that messed us up with this Tarzan screwed us up and then BJ and the Bear right drove it home right literally Travis

not funny sorry last guy just tapped in the sad thing is the rape whistles in my purse and I can't get to it it's like just Out Of Reach I'm trying to reach it you know and and I I should have told somebody where I was going I shouldn't have just gone home with him and plus the rape whistle if you think about it that's right I can almost reach it higher likelihood of the cops hearing it or more guys looking for a rape because I've been to her that rape whistle before

Travis was agitated dagging you should wake up in the news he's doing the news Doug what's it sound like when you make love to a woman by the way that might sound like I guess we know whose side you're on so let's just say when you're in line with Kim Johnson in Tempe this weekend go wait here's one

laughs now I'm fooling around with the clamp on my purse but I can't quite get it you know but I know I'm done now I'm done now I just want to do it for old times go ahead baby you got it in the clear I'm not falling for it no no what you do is you wait and then you lull me into a false snooze Mike he's a man of his word he's a gentleman bill just let me get to the clip go ahead go ahead I'm here thank you Bill here's a 9-1-1 call after Travis a 14 year old 200 pound pet chimpanzee flipped out and attacked his owner's friend in Stamford Connecticut Fox police there's no problem there what's wrong with your friends you can't do the math on the chip killed my friend with your friends oh what's the problem with your friend I need to know

don't they have a I thought they had technology where you can see the person's address they don't they're supposed to look if you call up and make a prank call they'll find you so they have that technology I was saying it in the seven o'clock just roll the cruiser turn the tell the cruiser to turn the rollers on and hit the road how much detail do you really need to get into Chip's owner was trying to stab Travis with a butcher knife and hit him with a shovel to stop him from attacking her friend to no avail finally she gets through to the 911 is trying to kill somebody give you more information

over and over again I need you to talk to me I need you to calm down why do you need somebody there what she's being attacked what is the problem who's killing your friends who is this guy he sort of sounds like Tracy Morgan this is really sad it is but it's dag it is sad please it's very sad and then the cops had to come and shoot it although I I do like being a cop would suck and be a hassle and they have to write out chicken ass tickets for no front license plate and all that kind of stuff but emptying your Glock into a chimp that would be one of the perks of the gig I mean if you think about it if I was having sex with Scarlett Johansson I retired dag is not okay he can't stop laughing that's David there's Louis Guzman by the way but thank you shooting shooting a wild animal would be a fun part you know dog went South you guys didn't really tell the whole story see when I did return to me we worked in

a zoo we work with the gorillas but the chimpanzees were in the enclosure next to us and I'm telling you their temperament is like really strong steroided midgets on crack we work with bonaducci for over a year right but I'm saying they're very they're like on speed I mean when you would walk by this one team would look at me and all the hairs on his head would go straight out all over his body and I was like is he happy he's like no this is David Duchovny and Minnie Driver yes everyone knew at the zoo Do Not Mess With The Chimps one chimp stood on the other chimp's shoulders they looked through the keyhole they watched the a guy in the zoo where he put his keys then the combination and the monkeys figured it out and got out I got him I gotta tell you you know all that part where they're like they're almost as smart as we are I don't like that part I like the part that my dog is dumb is the

crap that comes out of her ass thank you I don't like the part where she I don't want to be competing in the brains Department with my pet but this chip stole the keys isn't that part of the story Teresa stole the keys and let himself out like he unlocked the door drove downtown I mean uh you know they're worse than the gorillas uh yeah because the gorillas are cooler the gorillas are much more even temperament yeah they were more people-like they weren't on edge go ahead and I asked the nature of the victim's injuries the New York daily news is reporting that 55 year old Charla Nash was so disfigured that a cop on the scene mistook her for a man telling the dispatcher he's got no face yeah she has also serious injuries to her neck no Mark no Marcus a Queensbury with the chimps either you know what I mean they go right for the face and if you're dude they go right for the sack they don't mess around

well according to him it's literally jungle warfare it's very sad the owner of Travis a seven-year-old woman named Sandra Harold says that he was upset Travis was upset that day so she had given him some tea containing Xanax Jim what nuts and then the cops shot the chimp when they got there shot and killed him they shot him a bunch of times oh listen one bullet's not enough and by the way I staggered back in the house and then collapsed really yes wow Brad tells you about the other channel it was a hail of gunfire yeah dude who attacked the owner uh and bit his uh penis and throw them off and ate it it's just a couple he ate it well what are you gonna do with it you only got two choices to swallow a spit does it matter I don't think so uh I don't know I don't know Tyson eat ebanders here and he just spit it out did they say I think they found part he didn't eat all of it let's ask him all right

so the New York daily news spoke to Travis's former owner oh it's so sad where were these people weren't you Stanford Connecticut and you can own a monkey in Stanford he was an actor was in a lot of commercials that's true you might have worked with them that's true yeah um so she uh when she spoke to me more money Tommy Davidson the last 10 years say that right now her beloved chimp and she also of course expressed concern for her friend she said of Travis He was all I had she painfully recounted how she stabbed her 15 year old chimp with a butcher knife did you ever talk about the friend who got the face ripped off more about the chimp she added to do what I did it was the worst thing in the world she's a widow whose only daughter died in a car accident she says he was my kid I never left the house without Kissing him goodbye well she shouldn't let the chimp drive that was number one so he caused

the accident look wait wait where's the decision monkey kid the kid died a stab your monkey uh yeah that was all she had and she had to stab her monkey and hit him with a shovel by the way you know how he banned her Holyfield you know how you know he banners the baddest man on the planet bill he first off he agreed to fight Mike Dyson it's like am I find my attention Okay and then then Mike Tyson literally bit part of his ear off and then three three months later like you want to fight ties again okay he did but the point is he was cool with it wow like yeah we'll fight again you forget when the guy paraglided into the ring fan man yes you forget about that now ask your question about whether it's legal or not to have a chimp that was ridiculous the Connecticut Department of Environmental Protection admits to turning a blind eye and allowing Sandra Harrell to keep her chimp despite a state law that was created because of

the chimpanzees 2003 Escape state law bans people from keeping primates weighing more than 50 pounds as pets what are you doing but 50 pounds most dogs my dog's 120 pounds but that's primates right yep yeah do not have a primate over 50 pounds in the state of Connecticut yeah it's the opposable thumb thing Teresa do you notice anything different in your news film some people can change that's all I'm saying this gives us all hope you know I'm not going to get too comfortable there's a different guy in here his name's not dags names did he's going to be wearing capezios in about 20 minutes how dare you with my insoles because my arches you know what I really like David thanks a lot I like Terry on to sports where's her where's her sound effect that was it Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez says he appreciates the support through what he calls a stupid mistake he held a press conference yesterday to discuss

his admission that he used performance enhancing drugs I knew we weren't taking Tic Tacs you know I knew that it was something that perhaps is wrong but I I really didn't get into the investigation uh perhaps like I would have I mean I wouldn't imagine thinking of doing something like that today obviously it's a different world it's a different culture um but again when you're when you're 24 and you're 25 and you're curious and you're ignorant um I'm sure I heard those two there's a lot of things you really don't tell a lot of people you don't want to share everything you do with the public or or whatnot and that was just one of those things that I really decided not to share with anyone so that was way back in o4 totally different time and I understand he sounds like a husband trying to explain an affair right well you know when you're young and stupid naked people right that was the last

weekend sometimes you do that look how David Alan gray sir doing Dancing with the Stars Teresa if someone said here's a pill it'll make you a 25 better at your child yeah you'd take it and if someone said there's a pill that could make me 25 funnier I know that sounds impossible I will take it but I would take it of course I would take it and especially when the guy who's on the mound the guy who's pitching has taken the pill then I just need the pill to stay even with the rocket right but here's the part that I don't like about this whole thing they asked Alex Rodriguez to come and talk to them they said it would be completely confidential we will never reveal your name this conversation will not be revealed we just want you to participate he did that and now they're biting him in his ass well it was a confidential test and I guess somebody got hold of the records of the test of like the 120

something I thought it was a s i person but anyway the same thing FBI infer either way somebody got hold of it and he was the biggest name on that list now maybe other names will come out as well wow we don't know Adam Carolla be nice wow Roseanne Barr's been blogging about Chris Brown now a lot of celebrities have decided to stay safely on Middle Ground when asked to comment on the Chris Brown acts like they have a project in the pipeline with Chris Brown I just wish him both to be on the record Therese I just wish him both well are you praying for both of them yeah exactly do you think it's right what he did uh no comment I'm just here for this whole train Comedy Award they're both good kids oh good good lovable yeah all right Rose Terence Howard said it's just life man Chris is a great guy he'll be all right and Rihanna knows he loves her you know they'll be all right now he later took that back

let me take that he claimed he didn't know what had really happened when he said it so he thought it was a light beating right right a shove a menacing shove Roseanne Barr does not have a problem speaking her mind in a recent blog entry she says Chris Brown's lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife kid mother or girlfriend around uses you dirty bastard I hope you go to prison for 10 years it's your fault a-hole she is a very volatile combination of I like Rich tons of Fu money yeah fat post-menopausal husky a postmenopausal and crazy and has a lot of abuse in her past so she can say whatever she wants about whatever she wants whatever she wants to say it and no one can say a goddamn thing I like that I wonder what did Rosie do a posting mm-hmm Rosie O'Donnell yeah she hasn't been video

blogging in a while I am gay other than that I don't know how that's related to the Chris Brown thing I think her variety show may have taken a little of the wind out of herself so yeah I'm a lesbian Roseanne Barr also blogged asked for all the mealy-mouthed Hollywood and music scene chicks that can't bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully let me say this your time as horse for propaganda is ending [ __ ] did she say [ __ ] for propaganda yep is ending [ __ ] wow your time as [ __ ] for propaganda is ending [ __ ] that's a t-shirt well no one knows what to say so they just wish everyone well and they work guys God bless it's a hard time we send our prayers out right I hope Obama I mean Osama gets back obviously yeah meanwhile as Lynn and Alex alluded to earlier The Smoking Gun has discovered that Terence Howard was in fact arrested in 2001 for assaulting he has a strange wife Lori McComas it began and with a

telephone argument during which Terence allegedly told Laurie don't disrespect me by hanging up on me or I'll come over and hurt you but she did just that hanging up and calling 9-1-1 while she was on the phone with a police dispatcher Terence Howard showed up and started breaking down the door so this is but he but they did they arrest him before he got in well I think his brother showed up and stopped the attack he ran over to Lori's house after he saw Terence go storming out of their house and over to Lori's when police arrived Terence admitted I broke the door down and hit my wife despite the various charges he could have faced Terence Howard ended up pleading guilty to disorderly conduct no word what his sentence was and by the way Terence and Lloyd divorced in 2003 but remarried in 2005 they're currently separated I'm Teresa Strasser that's the news this is my dream you're dream away for me tomorrow's news today

Teresa Strasser you CNN a bigger crime was him and Iron Man horribly missed cast sort of distracting and weird and no one ever brings it up everyone's like uh Iron Man best movie of uh 08 Robert Downey Jr awesome the whole Terence Howard part was it was a weird call it was a it was bad casting yeah but he's a hot black actor but they cut him out of Iron Man too oh really his temperament was all wrong Don Cheadle yeah really yes and he signed for the sequel because it was so bad in the first one he's a good actor but limited range but when it's the biggest movie of the year and that guy's horrible in it how come no one brings that part of it up and up in the yes well God bless him you know my wife got pissed at me the other night because I told her I was gonna punch her pray for her I would be pissed you would yeah it's not funny I never punched anyone in your life it's still a violent thing I

don't like that at all I don't like that I thought it was going to punch her yeah it's a very violent thing to say have you ever hit a guy Teresa I've thrown a frozen pizza oh really let's never punched a dude that you were dating no and said I will kick your butt no if you don't give me some right now everybody Fair T dates 300 plus Pounders so it's not like they would know it dated it's not like it's like they would feel it a week from the time she punched it right it takes that long to get to the brain it's very difficult to assault Steve God bless him it's a sweet sweet man all right let's take ourselves a break dag you want to hang out yeah Sprint Cup a hot chick Miss Sprint Cup that's right is that whispering yeah or something really gay you do in a fraternity oh my God we'll take ourselves a quick break it is we'll be back

radio DJ good morning the boss now you can thanks to John St John's talk like me and you'll succeed six weeks listen to what it did for this Loser yeah I'd like a bowl of [ __ ] of a continuous soup with non-stop crackers wow you sound just like that John St John I'm impressed by your manhood odor yours today I would like a burger with the most pickles and The Wider call 1-800 John St John St John right back at you today

thank you thank you you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk foreign when I say webcast you say Wednesday webcast all right you look like a real dork talking to your computer monitor there this is 97.1 FM talk online welcome to the all new Jammin 97.1 jams your music for L.A Daddy Yankee pit bull Flo Rida Chris Brown obituary and Slayer this is the new Jammin 97.1 jams LA's awesome news station hip-hop reggaeton and deaf

101 Thursdays at five all women were ball busting [ __ ] I'd go gang now to keep you entertained here's Tim Conway Jr all right you got ADD ADHD what do you got working no I know this is the Adam Carolla show webcast live at adamcarolla.com and now from the Nascar Sprint Cup Series Miss Sprint Cup Monica Palumbo on the Adam Carolla show and David Allen Greer as well Monica yes yeah baby what's happening I'm doing well I'm looking at your Sprint phone here and I would like to yell at my sidekick bald Brian because if you examine the phone you'll see that they actually put a little stick them on it and it's got a little perf on it so it does not slide out of your hand T would you like to address that see much better and you don't drop it thank you and aesthetically just as pleasing as the iPhone thank you Sprint Cup because I'm looking for a gig next year are you using now it was just a job interview I heard

they were hiring for it and um I worked through an agency out of Greensboro called Maryland and they called me and asked if I was interested and I was like uh yeah sign me up so I just went in for an interview it's just like a normal job interview no pads injury swimsuit Monica was Miss North Carolina and by the way she was also Miss Congeniality

well come on and I could give the hottest one miss congino where are you from right where where are you from Charlotte born and raised um North Carolina have you ever been down here yes or over here I have been to Charlotte I dated a guy from high points I think I went down there to do Dawson's Creek did you really well now we can call it Dawson's cup no thank you I guess starred in and after an extra yeah I flew I flew myself out to North Carolina to be an extra I'm just kidding how dare you that doesn't sound very congenial yeah that's not how you win that's Miss Snappy Miss snarky making fun of one's career over the radio it's relative Teresa that's like a sangrapeutic right just call her fat woman by the way uh Sprint has a little buy one get four by the way free that's right and for the Motorola 576 done for 69.99 I like it yeah you can get up to four free so it's really cool has navigation

for people like me I need navigation because I'm just a horrible driver yeah well that's really cool and you're going to be out at the auto club 500 this Sunday yeah there's actually the there's no Spring Cups hey hey and she will actually be out her name's Anne Marie so she'll be out of the track all weekend listen forget her there's only there's only room there's only room in my heart and trailer for one Miss Sprint Cup and that's going to be Monica Palumbo by the way Paisan right you're an Italian girl I I would think that would be Sicilian but do you mean Southern in Italian well like Southern as in like um South Carolina right yeah and uh by the way the uh the NASCAR massive in that part of the country yeah Charlotte's like the heart of NASCAR yeah I mean they have like NASCAR museums every 10 probably more NASCAR museums than libraries t yeah there um there's a Nascar Hall of Fame they're

currently building and all the drivers live in the area so yeah yeah it's the guy from High Point what you do at a NASCAR event and he explained it to me you wait uh for the your car to come around and then you when it does you stand up and you lift up your beer and you yell give them hell down and then you do it again and then again right you do you do a fun event like you have to go to really enjoy it some people don't understand the sport but it's really a good time and it's one of those where the you know it comes around once a year so people really do save up their money and make it like a whole weekend Monica Theresa is what we call a Jew they have some of those in the South oh they do well yes I guess it must fly them in for tax season yeah in April the place is lousy with juice it's crawling with juice Monica Palumbo Miss Sprint Cup the only Miss Sprint Cup if you ask my heart in

loins by the way and uh you can buy one get for free look the economy's in the uh in the uh crapper and that's bad news for everyone except for if you need yourself a Sprint phone it's great no literally we're trying to help everyone out we know the economies you know and the crapper like you said so Sprint's trying to help out in any way possible and um they can download NASCAR Sprint Cup Mobile on their phone just text NASCAR to 7777 it's like a scanner but on your phone for all you can ask our fans out there so well uh good luck warding off the drunken hillbillies on Sunday Auto Club 500 this Sunday at the auto club Speedway in Fontana Monica great speaking to you baby thank you for having me on you guys take care good times I liked her yeah she's uh called her fat she called me dumb it was awesome well she called you an extra just that's rough she's 669 dude oh that's right dude all right we'll take

her well Texas has a quick break back to Rapid updates this is 97 1 FM talk online welcome to the all-new Jam in 97.1 jams your music for L.A Daddy Yankee pit bull Flo Rida Chris Brown obituary and Slayer this is the new Jammin 97.1 jams LA's awesome new station hip-hop reggaeton and death metal

like his 101 Thursdays at five if all women were ball busting [ __ ] I'd go gang now to keep you entertained here's Tim Conway Jr all right you got ADD ADHD what do you got working now I am a doctor who tests people who have ADD and ADHD oh I should come see you yeah yes we live right across the street from the studio so I would come and test you for free oh wow they would do that one night now what is it what are they what are like some of the main like top three questions

are you not focused um can you concentrate for then you know 10 or 12 minutes on on some kind of tabs and foreign seriously dude we're calling baby it's something that was something that needs medication the Tim Conway Junior show weeknights at eight on 97.1 socals FM talk station

radio station now you 'd what it did for this loser a continuous soup S I got John St John Johnson John St John right back at you today you're watching webcast Wednesdays with Adam Carolla 97 1 FM talk

thank you bringing you free oil changes as well does have 1-800 Pep Boys or pepboys.com well I want to thank dag wow excuse me thanks David David Allen Greer is going to beat the Tempe Improv tomorrow through Sunday thank you for this beautiful new Honey Bunny on his arm watch it that's right Dancing with the Stars you go to dadcomedy.com for tickets Chris Rubio the number one deep snapping coach in the country wow

yeah we did the chimpanzee Sam Hornish Jr wow Auto Club 500. Auto Club should a company that is really known for towing you off the side of the highway be sponsoring races good point thank you they're going to be at the Fontana Speedway this Sunday also guys brought to you by Joe's parking tickets Bruce everybody when you think NASCAR and Winston Cup truck racing you think of Bruce Valance wow Bruce willence and Jenny bicks the Academy Awards this Sunday five o'clock on ABC is it really five I guess it is for us right for us it is that's right wow we say for us you mean the blacks yes it's time they know Adam Lynn I know I'm borderline racist but borderline I thought you were talking about why your hair is kinky yeah I do have I do have the nappy fro Lynn and Alex ellyragmag.com Adam you look so horny right now and Monica Palumbo she can take it but she can give it too that's what I like about that wow Miss

Sprint Cup Auto Club 500 at the auto club Speedway this Sunday and until next time this Adam crawler for Teresa Strasser oh what does he mean by and David Allen Greer mahalo sometimes when I'm raping you prison style you have a little trouble filling out a check

thank you

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "The Adam Carolla Show #713"?

Adam Carolla (Guest), Teresa Strasser (Guest), David Allen Greer (Guest), Rachel (Guest), Mary (Guest), Patrick (Guest), Monica Palumbo (Guest).

What is "The Adam Carolla Show #713" about?

The main topic centers around the return of Bobby Fick, the lead singer of the 1980s band Chafed Thighs, who shares his recovery story after a lengthy coma and discusses his Grammy-nominated album "Christ I'm on Fire." Additionally, the content features humorous anecdotes about his inspiration for the album and the chaotic atmosphere surrounding the show, including live audience interactions and…

What is mentioned in this The Adam Carolla Show episode?

18 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Adam Carolla, David Allen Grier, Michael Kamrava, Nadia Suleman, Travis the Chimpanzee, Bruce Valanche. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "The Adam Carolla Show #713"?

The episode runs 3 h 38 min; the transcript is about 30,991 words in 204 timestamped sections.

More from The Adam Carolla Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.