Transcript

Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show

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· 44 min · 6,166 words · 98 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show", an episode of The Daily Show published February 7, 2026 (44 min, about 6,166 words). It mentions 15 people, works and ideas, including Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, MAGA, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Elon Musk.

What this episode is about

The discussion centers around the implications of new revelations regarding Donald Trump's connections to Jeffrey Epstein and how these could affect the broader MAGA movement. It highlights potential fractures within the Republican party as more documents emerge from Epstein's case, while acknowledging the pervasive presence of Trump throughout the unfolding narrative.

Key takeaways

  • Groundhog Day: where we celebrate the predictability of scandals, but not the accountability behind them.
  • The Epstein file drop feels like a sequel nobody asked for, yet Hollywood's 'who's who' couldn't resist the script.
  • Elon's Christmas email to Epstein proves even billionaires have awkward holiday moments—just with higher stakes and worse judgment.
  • Trump’s shadow looms large, but will MAGA fracture at the intersection of morality and loyalty? Spoiler: probably not.
  • Epstein's circle reads like a celebrity dinner party, but the real punchline is the lack of meaningful consequences.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Woody Allen
  2. – 10:00: Jeffrey Epstein, Elon Musk, Howard Lutnick, John Stewart
  3. – 15:00: Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Howard Lutnick
  4. – 20:00: Turning Point USA
  5. – 25:00: Donald Trump
  6. – 30:00: Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein
  7. – 35:00: Donald Trump
  8. – 40:00: Jeffrey Epstein, Sarah Ferguson
  9. – 44:02: Jeffrey Epstein, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Sarah Ferguson

Notable quotes from "Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show"

  • The chances of this breaking MAGA are actually worse than Trump just lowering the age of consent to be done with the wholeing thing, which is not I didn't say we were doing it.
    about MAGA · at
  • Masturbate again. That is AND OF COURSE THE STAR OF our show, Donald Josephine Trump, whose thousands of mentions render Trump as kind of a necessary backdrop through the…
    about Donald Trump · at
  • New emails from billionaire Elon Musk and Epstein coordinating a possible visit to the financier's infamous island.
    about Jeffrey Epstein · at
  • Now, another big name in the files is Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, which in itself is not big news because since Lutwick Lutnick admitted that he met Epstein in 2005 and then said he.
    about Howard Lutnick · at
  • And Bill Gates apparently getting gorrhea from a Russian hooker.
    about Bill Gates · at
  • Poop. You want to tune out the woke nonsense that the NFL is promoting during the halftime show? Then tune in to Turning Point USA's All American Halftime Show. Their lineup…
    about Turning Point USA · at
  • Assume Fergie will be facing some sort of consequences on her own. On Monday evening, Ferguson's charitable foundation, Sarah's Trust, announced it will shortly close for the foreseeable future.
    about Sarah Ferguson · at
  • This. The president of the United States, someone needs to demand answers from the US president. Former President Bill Clinton agreed to testify in the House Oversight Committee's Epstein probe.
    about Bill and Hillary Clinton · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Jeffrey Epstein — Person · Core referenced figure / subject of investigation · 28 mentions · first at
    The episode revolves around the ‘Epstein files’ and Epstein’s network, using him as the anchor for discussing elite impunity and document releases/redactions.
  • Donald Trump — Person · Primary referenced political figure / main target of commentary · 12 mentions · first at
    Central figure in the episode’s satire about the Epstein files, alleged connections, DOJ handling, and broader concerns about democratic backsliding and election interference.
  • Bill and Hillary Clinton — Person · Referenced former president / comparative figure · 7 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as appearing in the files and later as agreeing to testify in a House Oversight probe, contrasted with Trump’s perceived lack of accountability.
  • Elon Musk — Person · Referenced billionaire in files / example case · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as a prominent example of a billionaire allegedly corresponding with Epstein, including emails about parties/visits; also referenced for posting heavily about the files.
    New emails from billionaire Elon Musk and Epstein coordinating a possible visit to the financier's infamous island.
  • Howard Lutnick — Person · Referenced official/billionaire in files / anecdotal focus · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed via claims about his contact with Epstein (meeting in 2005, alleged later attempts to reconnect), serving as a detailed vignette about elite proximity and denials.
  • Sarah Ferguson — Person · Referenced royal-adjacent figure / fallout example · 2 mentions · first at
    Presented as facing reputational and institutional fallout due to emails to Epstein; her charity’s closure is mentioned as a consequence.
  • Bill Gates — Person · Referenced billionaire in files (allegation mentioned) · 2 mentions · first at
    Named among prominent figures in the files; the transcript includes an explicit allegation framed as ‘allegedly,’ used as part of the broader critique of elite scandal.
  • Woody Allen — Person · Referenced filmmaker/comedian (in files/email pitch) · 2 mentions · first at
    Used as an analogy (‘NYC in a Woody Allen movie’) and then referenced in an Epstein email about pitching Allen for an exclusive standup/biographical project.
    Quote, I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new standup routine for either Apple TV or Amazon. Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse of what America was clamoring for.
  • Larry Summers — Person · Referenced economist in files (satirical mention) · 2 mentions · first at
    Included in a ‘who’s who’ list of prominent names allegedly appearing in the files; used for a brief economics-themed joke.
    This email dump. You had Bill Clinton pictures having his cake and augling it too. Economist Larry Summers seeing if someone was available to rub his Phillips curve. Look it up.
  • John Stewart — Person · Referenced comedian/host (in an email pitch) · 2 mentions · first at
    Appears in quoted emails as a suggested host/narrator for a Woody Allen biographical/standup project; used for a comedic aside about being ‘somebody like John Stewart.’
    I am offended somebody like John Stewart or JOHN STEWART.
  • Punksatani Phil — Person · Unclear/possibly mis-transcribed referenced figure · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned repeatedly in a comedic ‘Groundhog Day’ bit and as being ‘all over the files,’ but the identity is ambiguous and may be a transcription error or a joke name.
    They literally look like they actually look like they could be friends. Bill Clinton and parts of Tony Phil. The point I'm trying to make is the Epstein files thing. We've been through this.

Companies & orgs

  • Turning Point USA — Company · Business focus · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in the context of providing an alternative halftime show during the Super Bowl, highlighting its conservative stance.
  • Amazon — Company · Incidental · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing in the context of a proposed standup routine for Jeffrey Epstein.
    Quote, I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new standup routine for either Apple TV or Amazon. Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse of what America was clamoring for.
  • Apple TV — Company · Incidental · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned in passing in the context of a proposed standup routine for Jeffrey Epstein.
    Quote, I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new standup routine for either Apple TV or Amazon. Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse of what America was clamoring for.

Concepts & topics

  • MAGA — Concept · Key argument · 1 mention · first at
    Central theme discussing the political movement's response to the Epstein files and its implications for Donald Trump's presidency.

Full transcript with timestamps

Yep. It's Groundhog Day. WE CALL IT THAT. OH, THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE THAT. We call it Groundhog Day. Uh uh because this is the day when Donald Trump sees Epstein's shadow and we get six more weeks of not knowing who any of the co-conspirators are in this multinational sex trafficking case. And also because punks Tony Phil is all over the files.

That is I don't is is that to scale by any chance? Is that that may be the biggest groundhog? They literally look like they actually look like they could be friends. Bill Clinton and parts of Tony Phil. The point I'm trying to make is the Epstein files thing. We've been through this before.

Donald Trump revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. The MAGA fault line seems to be widening from a fracture.

Breaking news. A big break. Republicans breaking with Trump on Epste. The dam could potentially be breaking here with MAGA.

The beginning of the end of the Trump presidency. After a million more documents in the Epstein files were discovered last week, will this fracture become a lasting irreversible break?

Uh, I'm going to go with no. God, you guys are adorable. The chances of this breaking MAGA are actually worse than Trump just lowering the age of consent to be done with the wholeing thing, which is not I didn't say we were doing it. Which is not to say there isn't awful [ __ ] in this new Epstein dump. It was a veritable who's who of who you imagine wanted someone to touch their hoohoo. allegedly Lutnik, Bannon, Musk, Summers, Gates, Clinton, Tish, Melania, the guy who directed Melania, Prince Andrew, and Sir Richard Branson.

I don't think any of us will ever masturbate again. That is AND OF COURSE THE STAR OF our show, Donald Josephine Trump, whose thousands of mentions render Trump as kind of a necessary backdrop through the entirety of the Epstein Files. kind of like New York City in a Woody Allen movie, which coincidentally IS APPPROPO BECAUSE HE'S ALSO IN THE FILES. And uh, of course, to get ahead of the story, uh, I am also in the files. Um, we all searched our names, right? You guys didn't search your name.

You All right. Well, I Yeah. No, I know. Whatever. I am in the files. All right. Thi this is actually true. I take you to the scene. It is midnight, August 29th, 2015. Jeffrey Epstein lies wide awake, his mind turning with ideas. He jotss a quick note to a producer named Barry Josephson saying, "I suggested to Woody." You all know which Woody right? It's the Epstein files. It ain't Harlson. All right. Or the cowboy from Toy Story. You know which movie. Quote, "I suggested to Woody that he do an exclusive new standup routine for either Apple TV or Amazon." Oh, Jeffrey Epstein always had his finger on the pulse of what America was clamoring for in 2015. But Barry Josephson, thinking like the out-of-the-box television professional that he was, pitched this idea. This is true. Quote, "Make a true biographical experience with his standup being the capper. Somebody like John Stewart could host slashnarrate the

biographical part." Excuse me. I am offended somebody like John Stewart or JOHN STEWART. My point is, do I have the offer or is this an audition? Perhaps the more extensive references were reserved for members of the billionaire class who traveled in Epstein circles, including the billionaire of them all.

New emails from billionaire Elon Musk and Epstein coordinating a possible visit to the financier's infamous island.

Elon says, "Do you have any parties planned? I really want to hit the party scene in St. Barts or elsewhere and let loose."

I'm sorry. I hate to do this. Can I can we zoom in on the email on that, please? Christmas Day. YOU'RE ASKING IF JEFF EPSTEIN'S GOT ANY parties planned on the island on Christmas Day? I mean, look, Christmas is tense time. We've all had that feeling trapped in the house with the in-laws and 14 to 16 of our children over the holidays. But generally, Elon, the wonderlust doesn't really hit till the 28th or the 29th, but Christmas morning. You emailed Epstein Christmas. Dearest Jeffrey, I've just seen the joy in all my children's faces as they opened their gifts.

Get me the out of here. And ever since those revelations, Elon has been uh how do the kids say it? Crashing out. He's posted about the Epstein files more than 85 times over the last two days. Oddly enough, mostly on Blue Sky. No, I'm just kidding. Uh, and if I may, uh, Elon, slow down, brother. You got to make some time for tweeting about the white genocide, too. Life's a balance. But this is obviously important to Elon. So, all right. Give give us the best argument for your innocence.

Musk denies any wrongdoing, writing over the weekend, "If I actually wanted to spend my time partying with young women, it would be trivial for me to do so without the help of a creepy loser like Epstein."

Um, I could do what Epstein does on my own. is not the moral clarity we were expecting here. But my favorite part of the Musk Epstein emails, uh, you ever have a friend where you don't really share the same sense of humor, but you share the same interests and they shared the same interests?

Epstein writes him and says, "Any plans for New York? The opening of the general assembly of the UN has many interesting people coming to the house."

Many interesting people, Elon, get it? Elon replies, "I run and lead product design engineering for two complicated companies. Flying to New York to see UN diplomats do nothing would be an unwise use of time.

I'm sorry, Jeffrey. Could you make it a little more obvious for your friend?" To which Jeffrey Epstein replies, "Do you think I am [ __ ] Just kidding. There is no one over 25 and all very cute. What the? We've all had that, friend. Why would I go to the bathroom with you to go skiing ski? Skiing is an outdoor sport requiring a a mountain and equipment and Oh, I see. Now, another big name in the files is Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, which in itself is not big news because since Lutwick Lutnick admitted that he met Epstein in 2005 and then said he immediately cut off all contact. You you know what I won't let let me let him tell the story. I say to him, "Massage table in the middle of your house? How often you have a massage?"

And he says, "Every day." And then he like gets like weirdly close to me and he says, "And the right kind of massage,

the shiatsu or like a like a deep tissue or a lomi his dick. I'm sorry. It's about I apologize. It's okay." Yeah. Yeah. He's talking about a dick massage. Go to the bathroom TO GO SKIING. OKAY. DICK MASSAGE. UNDERSTOOD. Carry on with the story. And in the six or eight steps it takes to get from his house to my house. WAIT A SECOND. HOLD ON. You live six steps from Jeffrey Epstein. Six steps. Jeffrey Epstein's house was six steps. That's how up housing is in New York City. Even billionaires don't get to live more than six steps away from each other.

Imagine how the rest of us live in this habit trail hell hole. I'm I'm sorry. Anyway, carry on. And in the six or eight steps it takes to get from his house to my house, my wife and I decided that I will never be in the room with that disgusting person ever again. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. That's how Oh, you and your wife decided. Yes. Yes. No, no, no. Your wife and you were both outraged. OH, YOU WALKED OUT OF THERE LIKE, "HONEY, THAT GUY. WHAT A CREO." I MEAN, TO THINK THERE'S A GUY with massage tables and a sex swing in a dildo ROOM JUST SIX STEPS FROM OUR HOUSE. I MEAN, believe me, honey, you'll never catch me commuting to Palace Avenue ever again.

Right, honey? You trust me, right, honey? And so, he never returned until files released today show that Howard Lutnik tried to meet or call with Epstein several times after 2005. Yes, sir. Jeffrey, it's me, Howard Lutnik. I'M ON YOUR STOOP RIGHT NOW. I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU, SIR, I AM DISGUSTED AND appalled and HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF TENSION IN MY TRAPEZIUS MUSCLE.

You would HAPPEN TO KNOW THE RIGHT KIND OF MASSAGE. My balls hurt. My my oneman show called Lutnick on the stoop. By the way, wasn't just Republicans in this uh email dump. You had Bill Clinton pictures having his cake and augling it too. Economist Larry Summers seeing if someone was available to rub his Phillips curve. Look it up. And Bill Gates apparently getting gorrhea from a Russian hooker. Allegedly. Yeah. TRUE. Godamn it, CLIPPY. NOT NOW, CLIPPY.

You're not helping Clippy. All these names, all these emails, IMAGES, AND VIDEOS. WHAT DO they amount to? Lots of additional pictures and documents, but there is nothing in the Epstein files released today that shows anyone new can be prosecuted. Well, of no, of course. Of course, they can't be. It's completely believable that Epstein and Gla Maxwell are solely responsible for supposedly KGB and Mossad billion dollar multinational sex trafficking ring. Is really a mom and pop operation. I think that's pretty clear. I mean, you've already seen the millions of documents that the FBI has worked on for months to flag mentions of Donald Trump.

I'm sure the 2.5 million remaining documents that we haven't seen will be no different, right? Trump lawyer and also guy in charge of files that might implicate Donald Trump. This review is is over. Okay. Well, I'm satisfied. That's fine. No further questions. Look, man, we always knew that the people at DOJ releasing these documents weren't on a factf finding mission. They were running interference. And the guy there running interference for seems very satisfied with these results. I didn't see it myself, but I was told by some very important people that not only does it absolve me, it's the opposite of what people were hoping, you know, the radical cliff. I'm totally innocent. I mean, look at me. Do I look like the kind of a guy who would fly around on a billionaire sex plane?

None of these dudes, they've been on the plane, they've been on the island, they've been to his house, they've given him creepy cards with pubic hair, they've been accused by a multitude of women of a multitude of wrongdoings, and nothing has happened to any of them. Any of them. Oh, except Prince Andrew. Oh, Prince Andrew stripped of the title. Prince. Ooh, such a penalty. Now it's just Andrew Mountbatten Windsor. OOH, ONE MORE TIME, BUDDY, AND YOU'LL BE BUSTED DOWN to Andy Mountbatten Windsor. You know, I got to be honest, I'm just not sure anybody is going to be held accountable for any of this. Have nothing to do with Jeffrey Epson. And in fact, if you look at the DOJ, they announced uh, you know, they released 3 million pages. It's like this is all they're supposed to be doing. And frankly, the DOJ, I think, should just say we have other things to do.

And boy, and boy, does the DOJ have other things to do. you know, uh, looking into this decadesl long sex trafficking network for the rich and powerful is stopping the DOJ from getting the people who who really deserve to be punished. If you are here illegally, YOU GOT TO GO. WHY? Because you're breaking the law.

No one is above the law. This creates a two-tiered system. There's no accountability. There's no enforcement.

It breeds fraud and crime and all of the other problems that come. I want sanctuary city policy to end. But yeah, NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. WE GOT TO END THE TWO-TIERED system of accountability. And to quote Lindsey Graham, sanctuary city policies have to end. Well, after watching the politically well-connected skirt any form of legal accountability for horrible crimes, it seems pretty clear to me that there is a sanctuary city in this country. But guess what? This kid don't live in it. The real sanctuary city is where money and power protect you from the consequences of sex trafficking or influence peddling or taking half a billion dollars and giving away America's AI infrastructure.

Not the small Midwestern city where trying to help a lady get up after she gets maed gets you shot in the back of the [ __ ] head. That's the real sanctuary city. And these are the motheruckers who live there. Get give me the right picture.

Yeah, Super Bowl licks is right around the corner and everyone's excited for the Bad Bunny halftime show. AND BY and by everyone, I mean the radical woke communists who hate America.

The NFL just chose uh the bad bunny rabbit or whatever his name. This guy who hates ice and he doesn't sing in English.

Someone who hates America. Who wants to w watch a man wearing a dress anyway? It is woke puke.

Bad Bunny's lyrics contain every sexual term possible in the most explicit and severe sexual terminology possible.

The lyric is where are the horny ladies? One more dance and we're going to call the Vatican. I was in hell when I found a devil. I mean, is this who you want as your halftime entertainment?

I mean, oh my god. Is is anyone else as mad and horny as I am right now? So yeah, there's no way Americans are going to want to watch a performance by the most popular musician in America. But good news, there is a halftime alternative. And it's not just turning that seven layer dip into a seven layer poop. You want to tune out the woke nonsense that the NFL is promoting during the halftime show? Then tune in to Turning Point USA's All American Halftime Show. Their lineup just dropped, friends, and it's fire. Now, this Sunday, Patriots like Kid Rock, Brantley Gilbert, Lee Bryce, and Gabby Barrett are performing right when halftime starts for the NFL. Woo! Huh, man. That is a real who's who of who.

We've got Gabby Barrett, Brantley Gilbert, Garby Billet, Billy Garbett, Breley Grabbers, Bobby Glabbert, Gaggy Bobbles, Barnacle Gasberty, Beette Gingle Tree, Hologram, Hulk, Hogan, Gregory Lee, Benleb, Kid Rock, and Kid Rock's father, Adult Rock. So yeah, it's great. THIS IS GREAT. YOU KNOW, ALL those musicians. Unbelievable. It's great that there's a conservative halftime show. What we really need is an alternative to the ultra woke puppy bowl. Okay. Who's a good boy? Who's a good girl? Why are they so obsessed with gender?

Let's move on. The midterm elections are coming up and things are not looking good for my boy Donald Trump. His approval rating is in the toilet and Democrats have been overperforming in every special election since he took office. Last week they won an election in deep red Texas by 14 points.

YEAH. SO, LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR Lee Wamans. Let's hear it. Lee Wamans. Okay, just so you know, Lim Wamans was the Republican. You idiots. Good job following the news. But still, if Trump wants to avoid a blowout in the midterms, he's going to have to do something. Well, he could change his policies. He could slow down the rampant corruption. He could find less adorable kids to deport. So, it's like, who cares? So, Mr. President, what's it going to be?

Donald Trump once again floated the idea of cancing the midterms. He boasted that he had accomplished so much that when you think of it, we shouldn't even have an election.

Yikes. Yikes. Look, I do get the joy of cancing plans. Um, no one loves bailing on drinks or a work dinner or my kids piano recital more than me. But you can't cancel elections. Voting is the most American thing you can do besides, well, not voting. and and and and forgive me for being serious for a moment, but the president suggesting that he might cancel the midterms appears to be the inflection point toward a dictatorship from which our nation cannot return. This is serious.

The president was was simply joking. THAT IS A JOKE. FORGET IT. IT WAS a joke. Phew. That is a relief. Oh my god. I guess I was worried that it wasn't a joke because it's a little unusual for a president to joke about cancelling an election. And also, this particular president actually did try to overturn an election.

So, I guess I don't get the joke. Can someone in the press corp please ask the White House what was funny about this?

Are you saying that the president finds the idea of cancelling elections funny?

Andrew, were you in the room? No, you weren't. I was in the room. I heard the conversation. Uh, okay. It was a you had to be there thing, but none of us be there. If I was in the room, then I would have gotten it from his tone.

It's like when Chris Rock tells a joke about black people. It works in the room, but it doesn't work later when Steven Miller retells it at a clan meeting. But but this is this is why we have a press to hold these people accountable. You can't blame the reporter for asking.

That guy's from the Independent, a British paper. Uh and he is actually a weenie. And hope that gets back to him.

That guy is such a nerd. People like that. I mean, that's why we hate the media. They're just nerds. Lighten up.

Yeah. What a [ __ ] nerd. It's okay. I've learned my lesson. The president was just joking about this election stuff. AND I'M A COOL GUY. I GET JOKES. SO, I'm going to take all this much less seriously.

This morning, President Trump trying to exert more control over the nation's elections. Saying Republicans should quote, "Take over the voting."

Okay. Okay. Okay. This sounds scary, but I know now it's probably just another hilarious joke. Let's take over the elections. I'm going to cancel the midterms. I'm going to be president forever. I bet once you hear him actually say it, we'll get how funny it is. The Republicans should say, "We want to take over. We should take over the voting the voting in at least many 15 places." The Republicans ought to nationalize the voting.

This all looks and sounds pretty bad. If Trump does even half the things he's saying, our democracy will be less recognizable than the lineup of the TPUSA halftime show. Don't make don't make me use it again. The only thing that's giving me solace so far is that this is just talk. Okay? If Trump was really going to meddle with the midterms, he'd be laying the groundwork by manufacturing evidence that there's widespread election fraud. And he's not doing that. Right.

Right. Right. Happening now, the FBI has seized all of the 2020 election ballots from Fulton County, Georgia. It's part of the Justice Department's effort to look for alleged voter fraud. President Trump keeps pushing this baseless claim that the 2020 election was stolen.

Holy [ __ ] Two things. First of all, Trump, you got to get over 2020, man. I mean, 2020 is over. You don't see the rest of us being grateful for essential workers anymore. Move on. And secondly, I think it's pretty clear that Trump is not joking about meddling in the election this year. And the only way we can prevent it is if everyone stands up to stop him. Especially Republicans. I'm talking Mike Johnson, Lindsey Graham, Gabby Barrett, Brantley Gilbert, Bour Gutman, Gunk Butters, Griff Bortman, and of course, Brickley Gobble Bottom. God, I cannot wait FOR THIS HALFTIME SHOW. OH MY GOD.

IT'S no secret that things have not been great in the old US of A lately. Government shock troops are rampaging through the streets. Billionaires are stripping our last remaining news outlets for parts. And I just bought a pint of raspberries that cost $43. But don't worry, President Trump has an announcement that's going to turn everything around.

America is back. There's a new hat we just came out. America is back. America America is back. Thanks for that inspiring halftime speech, coach. Team, I know we're down 55 to zero, but on the other hand, I made a hat. Hope that helps. Good luck in the second half. It's bad enough they release hats as often as iPhone updates, but it doesn't even look like Trump's heart is in this one. Can someone ask him a fun question to cheer him up a bit? And please make sure it's not about a subject that he's desperately trying to avoid. A lot of women who were are survivors of Epste are unhappy with those redactions that came out. Some of them entire witness interviews are totally blacked out.

Caitlyn Collins ackned pay. This is supposed to be a fun merch drop. Trying to hold the president to account is really killing the vibe here.

Mr. President, why don't you answer the question in the dignified and respectful manner that we've come to expect? You know, she's a young woman. I don't think I've ever seen you smile. I've known you for 10 years. I don't think I've ever seen a smile in asking you about survivor.

You know why? You know why you're not smiling? Cuz you know you're not telling the truth.

Damn, that is messed up. Um, can I talk to the president alone for just a second? Hey, uh, DJ, few thoughts. All right. I don't know if there's ever a time to tell a reporter to smile, but I'm almost positive it's not when she's asking you about sex trafficking victims. I mean, EVEN even if she did smile, would that make it better? Hey, I'd like to ask you about that pedophile ring. But to be fair to the president, he's really tired of being asked all these questions that he refuses to answer. I think it's really time for the country to get on to something else.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course you want to move on to something else. I would too if I was in the Epstein files thousands of times. I feel the same way when the IRS tries to audit me. Hey guys, I appreciate your interest, but me and my business jacuzzi are ready to move on. But you know what? Donald Trump is right about one thing. There are a lot of other important issues to focus on. Like what exactly?

The president has announced his intention to build a giant arch across from the Lincoln Memorial.

I'm the president. My arch is going to fly. And now it's fighting Godzilla. And now it's telling Barbie to smile. And now it's marrying the Washington Monument. Oh [ __ ] yeah. Is that what you guys laugh at? Stuff like that. Okay, so the president has decided to spend his time building a giant arch. How giant are we talking?

The Washington Post reports it could stand as high as 250 ft, just 40 ft shorter than the US capital.

Two people say he's grown attached to the idea despite some architectural experts being alarmed by the scale.

I'd like it to be the biggest one of all. Wow. Get excited, people. Trump is building Washington DC's hottest suicide destination. First off, it's never good when the architectural experts use the word alarmed. And secondly, do we need the world's biggest arch? This is how you can tell Trump doesn't live with Melania full-time. Because this is one of those ideas men have when they're home alone for too long. Whenever my wife goes away two days into her trip, I'm like, "Actually, you know, we do need a skate park in this living room. I don't And as for the arch design, it's basically just copying the Arctic triumph. And honestly, if we're going to be derivative of France, let's not just settle for their arches. How about socialized healthcare? Or even better, the right to Yeah.

Or even better, the right to start a riot when your boss emails you after 5:00 p.m. But f but fine, I guess. Go build your arch. Then we can get back to those important issues that you are so eager for America to return to. So what do you got?

President Trump announcing he will shut down the Kennedy Center for 2 years for a toptobottom renovation.

NO, THE TRUMP is shutting down the Kennedy Center for 2 years, but I promised my wife we'd go see the Bulgarian National Modern Jazz Dance Company. Damn you, Trump. Strange he's doing this now since they already renovated the Kennedy Center the last time he was president. There can't be another reason he wants to shut it down for two years. Right. Right. Right.

That planned closure is coming after a slew of artists canled performances once the president purged the Kennedy Center's board naming himself chairman and putting his own name on the building. Ah, yeah. He decided to close the Kennedy Center the same way your friend who collects dolls decided to become celibate. Come on, Trump. You can replace those performers. There's plenty of great conservative artists like Nicki Minaj and Kanye West. And I'm sure someone else will also have a mental breakdown soon. Also, hasn't the Kennedy family been through enough? the assassinations, the scandals, spending Thanksgiving with RFK Jr. instead of turkey, I spatchcocked a raccoon.

But fine, I'll give you the arch and I'll give you the Kennedy Center. Just please, for the love of God, stop building stuff and focus on your actual job.

The president has shared what he calls the first public rendering of the future White House ballroom. The estimated cost of the project has skyrocketed from 200 million to now 400 million. Oh, that's right. The ballroom. I mean, I I I guess it doesn't suck, but for $400 million, it's definitely not blowing me away. I mean, who designed this thing? Frank Lloyd. Just All right.

Architecture slam. Let's sum up how we got here. The president of the United States is in the Oval Office insulting professional reporters for asking about his administration's mishandling of the highest profile sex trafficking case in American history. And instead of answering these questions, he'd rather spend his time on his construction fetish of building his arch, a new Kennedy Center, and a giant ballroom he and his friends can dance in while the rest of the country collapses around them. Or, in other words,

America is back. God, that enthusiasm is infectious. It's been a month since US forces captured Nicholas Maduro right out of his Venezuelan compound and sent him to Brooklyn to serve out his life as a barista in Bushwick. And if you're wondering how a military run by these two geniuses were able to pull off that operation, turns out they had a little help. President Trump just told the New York Post that a secret uh new US weapon was used in that operation that captured Maduro uh to shut down uh Venezuelan equipment. He said the discombobulator.

The discombobulator. That sounds like the worst ride at Six Flags. Don't go over there, dude. Somebody puked on the discombobulator. Personally, I don't think our most advanced new weapons should have whimsical names. If I'm shot by a laser that liquefies my organs until they leak out of my eyes, I don't want to tell my family that I was dinky zoink to death.

Can anyone follow up with the president about this weapon? You talked about the weapon, the discombobulator.

Discombobul. Well, I'm not allowed to talk about it, but what does it do? Let me just tell you, you know what it does? None of their equipment works. That's what it does.

Okay. So, you said you're not allowed to talk about it, but it kind of feels like you talked about it. This dude cannot keep a secret. This is how you know there's no aliens. Because day one, Trump would have been like, I'm not supposed to say anything. But they have three boobs. But thanks. Yeah, three boobs. HELL YEAH. HELL YEAH. Hell yeah. This I love this audience. Well, thanks for the lowdown on the discombobulator, by the way.

Uh, who came up with this name? It was my name. I'm very proud of the name. Yeah. And it it is a great name, Mr. President. It does not sound like a weapon in Paw Patrol at all. But so, can you be a bit more specific about how the discombobulator discombobulates? Like, is it a laser beam or electrical pulse? Everything was discombobulated. It was uh you know practically a shot wasn't you know they were ready

right and when we came they couldn't do anything. You saw this on the video you could tell.

Tom it discombobulated everything. Tom youing idiots. What part of discombobulator don't you understand? Do you think I'm just talking nonsense here? This is almost unbelievable. Trump is announcing a secret weapon that disarms the enemy and ruins their equipment and disables their soldiers. This sounds too good to be true.

A senior US official tells us, Senator, that Trump may be conflating several capabilities into a single weapon that doesn't actually exist.

So, I'm starting to think the president might have walked in front of the discombobulator. Let's move on to the story that's been discombobulating the entire world. Everybody is still binging the latest season of the Epstein Files. So, let's get into all the fallout in another installment of the very normal and not shady handling of the Epstein Files. It's pretty boring stuff.

For the past week, people have been pouring over the Epstein files and learning all the connections he had to the rich and powerful. Few people have been as disgraced as former Prince Andrew. But somehow this next batch has made him even disgracier.

Former Prince Andrew has moved out of his longtime winter home. his brother, the king, evicting him from the royal estate over his links to Jeffrey Epstein.

Wow. Kicked out by his own brother, who is also his second cousin and his fifth uncle. The point is, there's a lot of incest in the royal family. I'm glad he's getting evicted. And I think we can all agree it is much funnier when a British pedophile has to go door to door in their new neighborhood like, "Oi, governor, I'm a pedo. Is it cheerio? Anyway, let's check out the [ __ ] hole that former Prince Andrew is being sent to.

Andrew has moved to a cottage on the king's private estate in Sandringham, far from the public eye. Sandringham is a sprawling estate. It's set on 80 square kilometers of grounds. There are multiple houses and cottages that are on this site.

Oh no, not a cottage on the private estate. only two butlers. And are we sure we want Prince Andrew far from the public eye? That's kind of how we got into this mess. If you ask me, he should have a 24-hour webcam on him like a pregnant giraffe at the zoo. How is it that it's impossible for any regular person to find affordable real estate and they're giving away fancy cottages to alleged pedophiles? Next time I go to an open house, I'm going to be like, "Honey, tell them you're 12." Look, nobody's going to shed a tear for a prince who has to downsize to the bad palace, but the ones that I truly feel bad for are the spouses. Imagine being Andrew's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, right now. How devastated she must be to learn that her husband had so many links with Jeffrey Epstein. The former prince's ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson, is back in the headlines for her links to Epstein. The latest files revealing emails she sent

to Epstein after he was found guilty of soliciting a minor for prostitution in 2008. She wrote, "You are a legend. I really don't have the words to describe my love, gratitude for your generosity, and kindness. Kiss kiss. I'm at your service. Just marry me."

Wow. Wow. That is the worst thing Fergie has ever written. And yes, I'm including the Let's Get [ __ ] song. You wanted Jeffrey Epstein to be your husband. Really dodged a bullet, Fergie. He could have said yes and then you would have ended up married to a huge pedophile. Oh, wait. Either way, I am very happy to present Sarah Ferguson with this lifetime achievement award for having the worst taste in men. CONGRATULATIONS, FERGIE.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, CHERYL HINES. UM, HEY, it's Hey, hey, it's an honor just to be nominated. So, yeah, this isn't a good look. And based on what happened to Andrew, I assume Fergie will be facing some sort of consequences on her own. On Monday evening, Ferguson's charitable foundation, Sarah's Trust, announced it will shortly close for the foreseeable future.

Ah, the charity is shutting down. That doesn't seem fair. Sorry, kids. The Duchess emailed a pedophile, so no mosquito nets for you. Now, look, nobody enjoys watching the British royal family squirm more than me. I'm still mad about that whole stamp tax thing, but if we're talking about fallout from associating with Jeffrey Epstein, I think there might be someone else who should be facing some consequences. H like like not a royal, more like a politician. In Slovakia, a top adviser to the prime minister has resigned after emails showed he met with Epstein in 2018.

No, no, no. Not some minister in Slovakia. It's not even a real place. When I said certain politicians should be held accountable, I meant, you know, like someone running a country.

There's a world leader facing a political crisis over the Epstein files. That's British Prime Minister Kier Starmer.

No, no, no, no, no. Not Great Britain. That's not even a real place. Look, I'm I'm I'm going to be very clear about this. The president of the United States, someone needs to demand answers from the US president. Former President Bill Clinton agreed to testify in the House Oversight Committee's Epstein probe. Not a former, you know what? It okay, I guess everybody in the damn files is going to face consequences except for Donald Trump. And on top of that, he must be so happy that his nemesis, Bill Clinton, is getting in trouble for this.

It bothers me that somebody's going after Bill Clinton. See, I like Bill Clinton. I still like Bill Clinton.

What do you like about him? Uh, I liked Well, I liked his behavior toward me. I thought he got me. He understood me. What? He likes Bill Clinton now. Either Trump just wants to get on Clinton's good side before he testifies about Epstein, or this is just a game recognized game moment. I'd like to acknowledge that we're standing on sacred land where Bill Clinton got a Hummer from an intern. Props to the OG. I can barely wrap my head around all the twists and turns in this story. Trump is in the Epstein files, maybe more than anyone, but Bill Clinton is the only one who has to testify about it. But instead of being happy about that, Trump is upset. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

This whole thing, it it just it has me I don't know. Discombobulated. EXACTLY. THAT'S WHAT I WAS looking for.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show"?

Jon (Host), Donald Trump (Guest), Elon Musk (Guest), Howard Lutnick (Guest), Sarah Ferguson (Guest).

What is "Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show" about?

The discussion centers around the implications of new revelations regarding Donald Trump's connections to Jeffrey Epstein and how these could affect the broader MAGA movement. It highlights potential fractures within the Republican party as more documents emerge from Epstein's case, while acknowledging the pervasive presence of Trump throughout the unfolding narrative.

What is mentioned in this The Daily Show episode?

15 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, MAGA, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Elon Musk, Howard Lutnick. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Jon on Trump Dodging Epstein Fallout & Kosta on MAGA-fied Halftime & D.C. Makeover | The Daily Show"?

The episode runs 44 min; the transcript is about 6,166 words in 98 timestamped sections.

More from The Daily Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 7, 2026.