Trump Kidnaps President Maduro, Targets Venezuelan Oil & Ditches "America First" | The Daily Show

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 3:00: Nicholas Maduro, John Stewart, Oura Ring, Pete Hegseth
2. 6:00 – 9:00: James Monroe
3. 9:00 – 12:00: Lindsey Graham
4. 12:00 – 15:00: Chuck Schumer
5. 15:00 – 18:00: Lindsey Graham

Notable quotes from "Trump Kidnaps President Maduro, Targets Venezuelan Oil & Ditches "America First" | The Daily Show"

• Just today, just today, the Senator had his rank stripped and his retirement pay docked by the Secretary of Defense/War, Pete Hegseth/Homelander.

  about Pete Hegseth · at 0:17

• No, I'm talking about the now former president of Venezuela, Nicolas Maduro, who was reverse-ICE'd and imported.

  about Nicholas Maduro · at 1:30

• His Oura Ring must have been you had a bad night.

  about Oura Ring · at 2:43

• I guess it's a spin-off of the Monroe Doctrine, famously adopted by President James Monroe in 1823 when he warned colonial powers not to interfere in our hemisphere.

  about James Monroe · at 8:50

• Senator Lindsey Graham, you're an old hand at war mongering.

  about Lindsey Graham · at 11:19

• Your little oil heist is going to have to get past the Democrats and Inspector Schumer.

  about Chuck Schumer · at 13:50

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Nicholas Maduro — Person · 2 mentions · first at 1:32
• Lindsey Graham — Person · 2 mentions · first at 11:19
• John Stewart — Person · 1 mention · first at 0:03
• Pete Hegseth — Person · 1 mention · first at 0:24
• James Monroe — Person · 1 mention · first at 8:54
• Chuck Schumer — Person · 1 mention · first at 13:55

Products & tech

• Oura Ring — Product · 1 mention · first at 2:48

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 Welcome to The Daily Show! We are back, baby! My name is Jon Stewart. Welcome back. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Happy Hanukkah. Good yontiff. Whatever it is, we got a show for you tonight. Senator Mark Kelly of Arizona will be joining us. [CHEERS APPLAUSE] Man! Just today, just today, the Senator had his rank stripped and his retirement pay docked by the Secretary of Defense/War, Pete Hegseth/Homelander. And the Senator will be joining us, and I will ask him if he knows we do not pay our guests.

0:40 But let's get right to the big story. Ladies and gentlemen, this weekend, President Trump and an elite team of Delta Force special operators removed a dangerous foreign dictator from power. Not that one. They're-- they're-- they're actually friends. And quite frankly, I think business partners. No no. Not that. He's-- they're also quite close. That's not-- OK. I believe these two have more of a heated rivalry vibe. If you know what I mean. So it's not-- not that one. No, that's-- not that one. No, that wasn't us. No, I'm talking about the now former president of Venezuela, Nicolas Maduro, who was reverse-ICE'd and imported.

1:39 He was actually imported to a jail in Brooklyn. But don't feel bad for him. He was a feared and cruel dictator. # Don't worry # # Be happy # La la la la la la la Bobby McFerrin karaoke? You monster. Look, I know that clip makes him seem benign, almost kind of comical. But the truth is, Maduro oversaw a repressive regime that impoverished his nation, silenced dissent, and killed thousands. # La, la, la, la, la # But his iron rule and a cappella terror came to an end on Friday night when US Special Forces raided Caracas, Venezuela's only city as far as we know, and snatched Nicolas Maduro out of his bedroom, apparently before he could even take off his sleep mask.

2:48 His Oura Ring must have been like, you had a bad night. You did not get good deep sleep. And as it unfolded, Donald Trump was overseeing it all from a secure location-- the Situation Tent at Mar-a-Lago.

3:13 I don't want to be a dick or a nitpicker. But is this the most secure location in Mar-a-Lago-- behind the curtain you throw up in front of the catering kitchen? Bah! This is a matter of utmost national security! Desserts are going to have to come out through the service entrance! I was never here! Whoop! [LIGHT LAUGHTER] That was me acting as though I was coming out of a-- But honestly, despite the makeshift Command Center, this was a highly technical and complex operation that required months of training and preparation.

3:50 After months of work by our intelligence teammates to find Maduro and understand how he moved, where he lived, where he traveled, what he ate, what he wore, what were his pets-- Well, that does explain this photo from the raid.

4:23 I hope you like eating kibble in Gitmo! Daphne! [LIGHT LAUGHTER] We debated before the show-- is it mildly racist that we gave him a chihuahua? Is that-- Because basically we're just-- like, is that-- because the chihuahua's from Mexico, this is Venezuela. And I thought, well-- so there is some nuance to it, but still mildly racist. [LIGHT LAUGHTER] You're welcome. Now, obviously, this is actually a very fraught moment for the world. It is highly unusual for any government, any sovereign nation, to violate the airspace and territory of another sovereign nation and hit the grab and go on their president.

5:04 Explaining it will require the deft hand of an accomplished statesman. Let me get there. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the President of the United States addressing the nation in this solemn, solemn moment. The United States Armed Forces conducted an extraordinary military operation in the capital of Venezuela. It was dark, and it was deadly. If you look back to the Jimmy Carter days, they were different days. Whether it's in Washington, DC, where we have a totally safe city-- Restaurants are opening. Everyone's happy. They're going.

5:51 They're walking their daughters. They're walking their children, their wives-- Restaurants-- restaurants are opening all over Washington, DC. (IMITATING TRUMP) So in closing, if we hadn't grabbed Maduro, you'd still be taking Ubers to Ruth's Chris. And lest you think I'm making our president look cavalier in this moment, here's Trump describing how he experienced this consequential operation. DONALD TRUMP: If you would have seen what happened-- I mean, I watched it literally like I was watching a television show. (IMITATING TRUMP) And then I flipped over to see who was on Kimmel.

6:28 I mean, can you believe he still gets to interview Millie Bobby Brown? I mean, he's got no talent! Anyway, back to abducting the president of Venezuela. Look, no one knows how this operation is going to work out. But based on the United States' track record, my guess is we're going to be really happy about this for a couple of weeks. And then 30 years from now, there will be a Venezuelan leftist revolution, and the new government will point to this moment as the reason our embassy there is on fire. And it will absolutely ruin a Democrats' presidency.

7:02 Generally, that's how this shit works. And remember, the reason MAGA was so high on Donald Trump was that he was the guy who wasn't going to get involved with this kind of shit anymore. We do not seek war. We do not seek nation building. We do not seek regime change. And we don't want to be the world's policeman. (IMITATING TRUMP) We don't want to be! Those days are over now! No more American boots on the ground! We're not afraid of boots on the ground. No more rebuilding other countries' infrastructure! We have to rebuild their whole infrastructure.

7:49 Well, it's not like we're going to be running someone else's country. We are going to run the country. So-- so let me get this. This is a big change in America First policy, is it not? And a change in policy this big is going to need some of that Trump marketing and branding magic. And the Monroe Doctrine is a big deal. But we've superseded it by a lot, by a real lot. They now call it the "Donroe Doctrine." [AUDIENCE GROANS]

8:30 "Donroe Doctrine." That's the one when someone calls it out, you go, look, no bad ideas. But honestly, (WHISPERING) not your best work. The "Donroe Doctrine." It's obviously a portmanteau of "Monroe" and "Donald." I guess it's a spin-off of the Monroe Doctrine, famously adopted by President James Monroe in 1823 when he warned colonial powers not to interfere in our hemisphere. Let me let a historian explain. DONALD TRUMP: But you look over here. That's Monroe, the Monroe Doctrine. Why is he up there? DONALD TRUMP: I think the Monroe Doctrine was pretty important, you know?

9:10 That was his claim to fame. Claim to fame? Like he ate 18 hot dogs in one sitting? I mean, I guess it's correct. You can't really name another thing Monroe was famous for. But it's not like everywhere Monroe went, they'd be like, hey, aren't you that guy from the doctrine? Babe, get over here. It's the doctrine guy. Hey. What are you doing in our hemisphere?

9:42 I-- I told you that would work. A little Monroe Doctrine humor-- slid it in. Now, look, generally, in American history, when we intervene in another country, whether true or not, we come up with a high-minded pretense-- liberating a people, spreading democracy, introducing baseball to the Japanese. They complained at first, but it was totally worth it. On what moral foundation will this conflict be framed? We're going to have a presence in Venezuela as it pertains to oil. We're going to get the oil flowing the way it should be.

10:27 Seems a little on the nose. Um. Oil-- precious commodity, certainly-- but not the reason a country, formed 250 years ago on the ideas of liberty and self-determination, would go into a country and snatch a man at night. There must be a slightly more noble pretense. We're going to be taking out a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground. We need total access. We need access to the oil. Sir, again-- [STAMMERING] I see where we're going here. Do you mind just reframing that? I'm not quite clear on the high-minded principle behind this.

11:07 In other words, we'll be selling oil. Is this your first war? I mean, what the [BLEEP]? All right, let's table this for now. Senator Lindsey Graham, you're an old hand at war mongering. You've done this a bunch. You're on the plane. Can you help this dude out with a casus belli and keep Trump from bringing it back to oil? There are going to be Americans alive today because he shut down a narco-terrorist state called Venezuela. This is a good thing, not a bad thing. And the oil companies are going to go in and rebuild their system.

11:49 God damn it. What? We can't even be conspiracy theorists now. I think they did it for the oil. Yeah, no, I did it for the oil. Is there any other reason? Can you give us anything? There's a lot of issues-- human rights violations, political prisoners down in Venezuela. We could certainly free them and improve the lives of dissidents. Are you going to demand that Delcy Rodriguez let opposition figures return or free any political prisoners? We haven't gotten to that yet. Right now, what we want to do is fix up the oil, fix up the country.

12:39 Yes, we'll get the people out of jail. But first, we have to liberate the oil from its ground prison. That oil's been locked up for millions of years, yearning to burn free. Obviously, I'm being cynical. It's not purely for oil. Even Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick on the plane could tell you that on his way out of the bathroom. They have steel. You have minerals, right, all the critical minerals. They have a great mining history that's gone rusty. So steel, aluminum, minerals-- These mother-[BLEEP] are going full conquistador in front of our eyes.

13:24 I mean, they got oil, steel, minerals. Oh, and don't forget about the spices, spices. We'll load our ships with cinnamon and cardamom, oil and everything bagels. You'll see. And they might have gotten away with it too. But our country is a democracy. So bad news, Don-roe. Your little oil heist is going to have to get past the Democrats and Inspector Schumer. CHUCK SCHUMER: So I've been talking to so many members of my caucus today. Everybody is very, very just-- just totally, totally, totally troubled, worried.

14:17 # History has its eyes on # Well, if it were two totallys and one very, I'd say Trump is getting off scot free. But three totallys ease and verys and trouble worried? I don't want to say the president doesn't respect the Democrats. But he did not brief them before or after this attack. Now, you could say that was in the interest of national security and operational confidentiality, if not for this one group he did speak to. I have. Yes. Before and after.

15:12 And then I told Pepsi and Nabisco. Cologuard-- I don't know why. What's the suitcase company on Instagram? I told them. I told Hims. I told Hers. I let the president of Zyn shoot some missiles. I-- But I didn't tell any of the Democrats. I don't feel bad for the Democrats. They will be totally, totally, totally, very, very fine, probably even gain a seat in the midterms. The people I feel sorry for are the Trump defendants, the defenders, the sycophants, who haven't received the memo that we no longer have to frame our adventurism in the ideals of our great country.

16:03 And this is a very strong way to support democracy. Nothing greater than an American president who liberates people. Liberated them for-- from a strong man who's been holding, by force and intimidation, this country hostage. We're not about nation building. The president doesn't want its natural resources. We don't want their oil.

16:27 Oh, poor sweet Brian Kilmeade, sweet, sweet Brian. Trump already explicitly said he wants their oil. And democracy? Trump has already said he wants Venezuelans to freely choose their leaders, as long as those leaders are acceptable to us. He's already said he's going to select who will be their next leader. And guess what? This ain't a one-off. Colombia is very sick too, run by a sick man who likes making cocaine and selling it to the United States. And he's not going to be doing it very long. By the way, you have to do something with Mexico.

17:06 We need Greenland. Cuba is ready to fall, you know? Let the word go forth to a new generation of Americans that if we need shit and it's not too far away, we are going to take it. Anything else you want to take over? I think there's still some time to go after Warner Brothers Discovery. I mean, America doesn't have Netflix money, but we will after we get that sweet oil. And by the way, [BLEEP] Lindsey Graham. Honestly, I have never seen him happier, like a leprechaun in a bowl of [BLEEP] Lucky Charms. I think we're going to go after Cuba. (IN SILLY VOICE) Yeah boss yeah.

17:58 That sounds real good, boss, real good. (IN REGULAR VOICE) Look, this is all exhausting and exposes the Gulf of America-- not the body of water. The real Gulf of America is the gap between the high aspirations that embody the founding of this country and the thuggish gangsterism that this crew thinks makes us great again. And if I may offer the news media a New Year's resolution-- it's that I don't ever want to hear again about the ramifications of how Trump's actions, however counter to what he promised in his campaign or the files that he might release, might alienate his base.

18:39 Do you expect to see some splits in the MAGA movement? Will the MAGA base start to break away? --widen the rift with his MAGA base. How's it going to play for MAGA? It'll play fine for MAGA. They'll love it. Their fervor against intervention will be only matched by their delight in this intervention. There is no material on Earth more malleable than the hive-mind connection between Donald Trump and his acolytes. And no matter how many times he betrays the principles they claim to love him for, they will react over and over with the exact same refrain.

19:17 # Don't worry # # Be happy # # La, la, la, la, la, la, la # Doh.

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "Trump Kidnaps President Maduro, Targets Venezuelan Oil & Ditches "America First" | The Daily Show"?

In order: 0:00 Nicholas Maduro, John Stewart, Oura Ring, Pete Hegseth; 6:00 James Monroe; 9:00 Lindsey Graham; 12:00 Chuck Schumer; 15:00 Lindsey Graham.

What is mentioned in this The Daily Show episode?

7 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Nicholas Maduro, Lindsey Graham, John Stewart, Pete Hegseth, Oura Ring, James Monroe. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Trump Kidnaps President Maduro, Targets Venezuelan Oil & Ditches "America First" | The Daily Show"?

The episode runs 20 min; the transcript is about 2,543 words in 28 timestamped sections.

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