Transcript

Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports

From The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 42 min · 6,906 words · 41 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports", an episode of The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz published August 25, 2022 (42 min, about 6,906 words). It mentions 7 people, works and ideas, including Mike Bray, Gus Malzahn, Auburn University, Roger Sherman, Jake Haener.

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on an entertaining analysis of college football, highlighting the quirks and antics of various coaches as it interacts humorously with guests and anecdotes about a specific columnist's navigational struggles while traveling abroad. The episode encapsulates sports commentary, personal stories, and promotional content from DraftKings sportsbook, creating a blend of sports enthusiasm and light-hearted banter.

Key takeaways

  • Ireland's driving lesson: big red 'N' for novice drivers; Nebraska fans, take note – that's some branding!
  • DraftKings turns college football betting into 'bet just five, get two hundred' – a gambler's fairy tale in October!
  • Notre Dame fans reluctantly accepting new love; a classic case of 'you can’t quit what you’ve always hated.'
  • Roger Sherman: the Indiana Jones of misnavigation, proving anywhere outside the U.S. is an eternal adventure!
  • Florida drivers get weapons with licenses; Ireland gives stickers to identify novice drivers – talk about priorities!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: DraftKings, Roger Sherman
  2. – 10:00: Fresno State
  3. – 15:00: Fresno State
  4. – 20:00: Auburn University
  5. – 25:00: Gus Malzahn
  6. – 30:00: Mike Bray
  7. – 35:00: Mike Bray

Notable quotes from "Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports"

  • This episode is brought to you by our best friends at draftkings sportsbook college football is back and it's time to enjoy the tradition the fun and the great offers from draftkings sportsbook.
    about DraftKings · at
  • Two guts podcast i wanted to share roger sherman's tweet because if you don't know roger sherman he's a former co-worker of ours he writes about college football for.
    about Roger Sherman · at
  • As it turns out it might work they're losing that game against fresno state why jake hayner baby jake haner is jake haner is a god all his internal.
    about Jake Haener · at
  • That's code dan only at draftking sportsbook fresno state has one of the weirdest stretches of road games i think i've seen in a minute they play so they play at usc on september 17th two weeks later they go to uconn.
    about Fresno State · at
  • Us to the continuation of the auburn ucf rivalry auburn invented space says auburn university's college of engineering official account y'all familiar with the artemis rocket that's launching monday to the moon and back.
    about Auburn University · at
  • You set a word there that is not accurate gus malzahn didn't quit the auburn job that's not what happened nobody quits the operating job it's a family who is the last person who went the auburn job.
    about Gus Malzahn · at
  • And so like there's a balance here but it's a balance that comes with real tension yes mike bray as if rick pitino went to therapy oh [ __ ] wow i went to therapy for which…
    about Mike Bray · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Mike Bray — Person · Referenced coach / punchline anchor · 5 mentions · first at
    The punchline of the 'top five college coaches that look divorced' list—discussed at length as the archetype of disheveled, post-divorce energy.
  • Gus Malzahn — Person · Referenced coach / comedic subject · 2 mentions · first at
    A major comedic thread: his appearance (visor/glasses), the idea he didn’t 'quit' Auburn, and his placement on a 'looks divorced' coaches list.
  • Roger Sherman — Person · Referenced journalist / former coworker · 1 mention · first at
    His travel to Ireland frames an early segment (Nebraska–Northwestern, Irish learner-driver 'N' sticker) and sets the show’s comedic tone.
  • Jake Haener — Person · Referenced player / hype example · 2 mentions
    Brought up as the reason Fresno State could upset USC; described as dramatic, tough, and clutch—an entertaining late-night college football watch.

Companies & orgs

  • Auburn University — Company · Referenced team · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in relation to their football program and a humorous NASA connection.
  • Fresno State — Company · Referenced team · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of their football schedule and humorous drug-related jokes.

Sponsors

  • DraftKings — Company · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at
    Primary sponsor of the podcast episode, promoting their sportsbook with college football offers.

Full transcript with timestamps

this episode is brought to you by our best friends at draftkings sportsbook college football is back and it's time to enjoy the tradition the fun and the great offers from draftkings sportsbook to celebrate the best time of the year right now new customers can bet just five dollars on any team and get two hundred dollars in free bets instantly win or lose if that's not enough you can also place a same game parlay for a shot and an even bigger payout just combine multiple bets into one like which team will get the win which team to score first and more draftkings a safe secure and reliable best of all you can deposit and withdraw your cash whenever you want download the draftking sports book app now use promo code dan matches five dollars on college football and get 200 in free bets instantly that's code dan only at draftking sportsbook 21 plus in most eligible states but age varies by jurisdiction eligibility restriction

supply see draftkings.com sportsbook for terms and resources gambling problem call 100 gambler in tennessee call or text the tennessee red line at 1-800-889 in new york call 877-8 hope ny or text hope ny 467-369-1 per new customer minimum five dollar deposit in wager 200 issued as eight twenty-five dollar free bets this is the dan levator show with this two guts podcast i wanted to share roger sherman's tweet because um if you don't know roger sherman he's a former co-worker of ours he writes about college football for um a website and he's currently in ireland for nebraska northwestern oh no we gotta stop doing this to roger no roger needs to travel because he likes going places let's talk about the last time we sent roger abroad roger has very little ability to navigate simple navigational situations you all know that dude on indiana jones who got lost in his own museum what's his name marcus yeah okay that's

roger it's my yeah exactly like 30 years that's roger if he lives that long roger shows up to anywhere in the world and is like oh that's neat wow they got this like he is the idiot abroad at all times and i said he's like the anti-ugly american because he's genuinely like that's awesome he's very happy but what has he found in ireland so in ireland uh worst thing i've seen in the ireland so far is nebraska beat riders he's found out that people learning to drive in ireland have to put a big red end sticker on the back of their car for novice for two years you have to do this for two years yes you have to do this for two years and it looks exactly like the nebraska end like for real it looks like showing you can't see it's on there we go hopefully in florida when you get a driver's license they're like uh as long as you have a fake id also here's an unregistered firearm to go with it this

is a thank you yeah a machete under the seat the real the real florida like thing of having the massive knife under the seat but ireland's all like we're gonna scarlet letter your car for two years so they know you're an idiot your car has committed nidaltory it's supposed to america where they're like you're an idiot we need to conceal this at all times give you the same license same thing covert idiots all over the place no in ireland they're like yeah you're dumb here just take it so they put these stickers all over the place so now when nebraska takes the field it's going to look like their novice football players which thank you for properly labeling the cornhuskers blast ireland someone the term the term we prefer is amateurs that's right amateurs they're called student athletes that's right so yeah there have been stories of nebraska fans walking around like oh look at us we've already taken the place over

and look we could we could just let them think that they had a bad time last year so on the topic of ireland this is a little sensitive but i think we should just like address it right now all right yeah let's get into it can we decide as a show how we feel about notre dame this year i know where spencer is i know that spencer is just never going to i think you may have been out we kind of already got into this uh a couple weeks ago i think spencer um brian i think you were out for this one the the tldr is that spencer remains unchanged and jason and i have both evolved towards being kind of okay with notre dame because brian kelly's gone okay is that but is that like what is our is that the line that we are adopting that notre dame is kind of okay yeah i think holly and i are feeling very ecumenical toward notre dame mm-hmm we have uh we have servants hearts i ask because the sense i have gotten

from our most online notre dame friends and yes i'm talking about jess is that notre dame fans don't actually want this notre dame fans don't actually want to be like don't want us to well then it's a win-win i mean that's not a problem for every non-just notre dame fan that i know and non-golic notre dame fan that i know that's not a problem their their own personalities generally do take care of that for us like jess am i wrong is it feels like notre dame is like notre dame fans at least are like no stop it i think there are i think there are some that are like leave us alone like you were you you if you can't handle us at our brian kelly purple on the sideline jerk to everett golson you don't deserve us at our marcus freeman in a white pullover in vegas with aviators on but that's not me ryan i want i want everyone to like me and my team at all times because i'm a dumb baby yeah especially you ryan i've always sought

your approval for some reason probably because you hired me for my first grown-up job and i just want to know how you really feel about me and notre dame because often you're playing both sides first of all it might be my internet but it sounds like she's t-pain right now which is just incredible yeah so so you want my personal approval vis-a-vis a football team you don't play for correct what's weird about that this is this is adding a lot of emotional layers i was not prepared for ryan this is how college football works and catholicism the entire thing yeah i think so the idea that like um us being okay with notre dame would annoy lots of notre dame fans that's the best of all worlds right there like i'm gonna start stumping for notre dame to the playoff i mean i do that anyway because it's fun to watch them lose by 35 points but like like this this is a win we i don't have to be mad about them and that makes

notre dame fans mad this is perfect jason jason is the guy urging his friend up at the tough man competition against the pro boxer get in there yeah it'll be fun you can do it it'll go i say every year when notre dame is 12-0 and they've played like one good team up put them in the playoffs why not i would be great i am also now just seeing and i apologize for being late on this notre dame is number five right now someone had to be number five they won't be number five after they play ohio state but someone had to be number five in the preseason polls technically that's true yeah someone has to be number five number five also by the way that number can be whatever you want because the playoff is only four teams at this point so number five is the respect spot hey congrats you're very good you're not a playoff fine with that spot i'll take the respect spot every year it's actually a beautiful it's a beautiful

slot there because you are acknowledged as being among the elite in college football but you can mine maximum disrespect for being just outside of the playoffs okay so so right now as we're recording this notre dame is fifth in the rankings usc is 14th that's the last game of the season for the irish which ranking will be most ridiculous in retrospect by the time that game comes around the five of the 14. who is usc playing out of conference this season this one um let's look i should know this uh rice fresno state and notre dame are there out of conference so they don't have fresno state like can be a scrappy yeah that's right well i don't know i mean i like i we had um petro papadakis on recently and he was he lives in la and played for sc and he was pretty down on their team skill level because he's like just because they got lincoln riley this year they still don't really have like good

dudes it is very usc right now is very much a like the first time you're like i'm going to draft my own team in madden and it's like oh i got like five awesome wide receivers and i don't have any guards none i can't even fill that role on the one of the wide receivers has to play guard as it turns out it might work they're losing that game against fresno state why jake hayner baby jake haner is jake jake haner is a god all his internal organs inside his body for four quarters yeah jake haner 20 21 people's heisman jay kaner yeah jake haner sells every sack like he's just been shot and usually it's like and then he gets up and throws a td he is like the best drama you can watch in college football he's watching jay kaner play quarterback particularly if it's like 11 30 and he's down 21 to nevada and they've got seven minutes left hello listening audience it's mike ryan and if you can believe it or not i am

presently laying out by the pool that's right catching some rays and drinking some ice cold miller light it's a beer you know you're craving the one that's light on calories but not on flavor why don't you reach for a miller light to help supplement those summer memories we only have a limited time left in this summer why not enjoy it with a 12 ounce serving that contains just 96 calories and 3.2 carbs enjoy a guilt-free beer all summer long a light beer that actually tastes like beer a beer that is brewed with a beer lover like you in mind the next time you're getting ready to enjoy cold ones with the crew or even by yourself outside go to millerlite dot com forward slash dan to find some delivery options near you or you can pick up some miller light pretty much anywhere they sell beer it's miller time celebrate responsibly miller brewing company milwaukee wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces

don lebatore the best nugget that stan van gundy has regarding defense is stugots how the top defensive teams in the league defend now goes against conventional wisdom most teams seem to focus on stopping the three but the top three defensive teams in the league milwaukee indiana and boston hey listen this is two weeks in a row of you guys messing with my nuggets like i'm starting to get pissed off this is ridiculous no respect whatsoever none oh my god this is awful all right wait a minute respect the nuggets mike uh kidding i know i am a dignified nba fired coach who deserves well probably the respect that i'm getting but but nonetheless i want to be treated with more respect this is the dan levitar show with his two gods we're presented by draftking sportsbook an official sports betting partner of the nfl download the draftking sportsbook app today and use code dan for a special offer when you sign up

that's code dan only at draftking sportsbook fresno state has one of the weirdest stretches of road games i think i've seen in a minute they play so they play at usc on september 17th two weeks later they go to uconn and then the next week they go to boise state yeah they're just delivering drugs like if you go to the middle of connecticut and boise in the same month all you're doing is moving what drugs are you what drugs precursor fresno all of them yeah it's like drugs gatlinburg that's all you're doing it's the most profitable football program in america don't look at the books ryan i think in terms of notre dame or usc um the the two teams i feel least inclined to um predict in any way this year probably usc and colorado state teams that are just bringing just import roster they just like control control c control v roster and like i don't know how that goes it could be great could be

fine but yeah if if usc finished 14th it wouldn't feel like a surprise so the sentence coming out of my mouth is the one that jessica wants to hear which is usc's really gonna drag down notre dame's strength of schedule that's what we're saying i'm fine with that it's happened it's happened a lot the last 10 years i'm fine with it the one i'm not fine with navy get navy out of here no more navy just in general but like that hasn't been that tricky for notre dame in recent years how will we defend our seas without a navy c's d's i don't know ryan i i just it kind of has i think there was i i was explaining this to whittingham yesterday actually we were talking about the navy notre dame rivalry and i was like if they if notre dame beats a decent navy team it's like well you should have beaten them and if they lose to a decent navy team or even a good or bad navy team it's like well notre dame should never lose

that game so now you guys are out of the top 25. but it's about like patriotism and tradition and stuff and this is you know don't those things haven't no those things don't have value sorry notre dame is nine and one against navy in the last ten games that they've played and the last three games they've won by notre dame's one by 22 32 and 28. but the emotional toll ryan and and the injury toll it is true they dive sideways at your knees for four quarters come on no we're american option for america can i interrupt this with breaking news again breaking news is this commander one no it's more important than that uh thank you to reader terry boudain for alerting us to the continuation of the auburn ucf rivalry auburn invented space says auburn university's college of engineering official account um y'all familiar with the artemis rocket that's launching monday to the moon and back well the deputy director of the nasa's

of the marshall space flight center went to auburn and he has this to say war eagle is written somewhere inside that vehicle i'm not going to say where or who put it there but i can assure you war eagle is there do we want to associate auburn with um life and death space missions i was gonna say that rocket's blowing up yeah if you look at the early history of like nasa's manned rocket program it looks like an auburn record a lot of the time and we've got liftoff oh no y'all keep doing it like much like the space program y'all keep doing this to yourself yeah if you include russia in there like yeah if you could read through the wiki of uh uh space rocket launches like there are points where it's like struck the moon is an incredible success also if you told me like started at quarterback for auburn for two seasons that damn that is the founding mascot of the auburn school of exploding i haven't

seen many albert quarterbacks put out there with no return plans so yes the like of quarterbacks just sort of floating out there i'm gonna say something i'm gonna say something i might regret what's so great about space like why are all these schools trying to oh brother here we go what is so awesome what is so great about claiming space there's nothing there there's so much of it though there's so much nothing yeah that's a lot florida gator shill ryan nancy slam central florida like whatever tell us if ucf intergalactic success we own space cool so here's the position that auburn's put themselves in though not only are they are they attaching auburn mojo physically to a space vehicle yeah they are saying auburn invented space ensuring that they will receive no help from orlando on the ground yeah this is presuming that ucf has a space program and is not as stephen godfrey is fond of saying a degree

mill for hilton night managers that's you can reach him at 38 godfrey on twitter our ucf coworker isn't here today so we're we're good i wish they were please introduce them to godfrey you can put them on the mic so they can be like nobody respects us and i'm like stop reading facts stop reading facts i got one of those yesterday spencer from our golic and smetty uh conversation where holly said that ucf was one of her teams that she has an eye on this season and it was a ucf fan saying smitty disrespected ucf on golic and smutty and i was like i didn't even consider them i don't think about you at all i don't hate you i nothing you if your university is a playable skate park in skate 3 you went to ucf i do have one thing i do want this is not related to anything about ucf football thank god i am uncomfortable with how different gus looks when he doesn't have glasses and a vibe like the superman clark kent

has a toad thing going on where you're like how is anybody possibly fooled that these are different people just because the glasses no gus when he takes off the visor in the glasses looks like 20 years younger significantly happier despite having gray hair and he's not doing that sec media day's annual dye job thing he looks younger having gone gray but the weird thing to me is that i always assumed that in the upper echelons of that visor there was just empty space but he's kind of got a toad effect going on because it turns out the visor was just bisecting an incredibly tall head he's got like a mars attacks alien head and he pulled off the visor and you can see first of all the permanent divot from where the visor has rested for decades but above it all was just like more head as where does this man's brain stop i'm a little worried at how good he looks quitting the auburn job because

normally coaches when they quit coaching they gain 10 years of life and they look 10 years younger you set a word there that is not accurate gus malzahn didn't quit the auburn job that's not what happened nobody quits the operating job it's a family who is the last person who went the auburn job uh yeah so when he left it's like quitting the mafia that's not how it works when mr costellano retired from the mafia um yeah when you leave auburn gus turn state's witness and he turns state's witness and he's retired to florida and he looks entirely different because he's in whitsec that's the entire ucf job just just for a moment imagine imagine the scenario where's where a coach voluntarily leaves the auburn job i can't even conceive of this happening tommy tuberville to run for president sorry don't speak it into existence why no it's happening i said it the idea of auburn claiming space speaking of their coaches is

pretty harrowing right now considering brian hartson was what sent here by aliens to defeat other aliens they have so much lord something like that the the people of his uh i don't even know what to call it faith i group situation so i i think in terms of it like i don't think by the way gus can differ stealing relics by the way god damn we should all get into the stealing relics business right like it's absolutely yeah like normalized stealing relics yeah i think so earlier um one of you brought up it should be okay to um to read the antiquities in england england yeah what i want is a movie where nicholas cage cracks into the british museum liberates everything if he can use the british accent that he used 20 seconds in national treasure 2 book of secrets i'm camping out for tickets do you know how much money this would make in india oh my god yeah well yeah hire a bollywood director yeah let's go

all out yeah yes why hasn't nicholas cage done a ball a musical where i'm stealing everything in london and sending it back to where it came from just where it's just trash people who own it yes they call it shipping and receiving um i i understand that we have uh mike working on something mike have you completed this yeah inspired by your conversation i have put together a top five list you know how we're known for our top fives top five college coaches that look divorced oh man yeah i think i think it'd be easier to do the reverse i wanna i i like i like that he's shooting for the moon here let's go this could also be known as top five list of college coaches that are divorced yep i actually think everybody on this list is divorced i mean okay this could just be five coaches yeah yeah i mean do we are we guessing this family feud style or are you going to read we we begin with the oli outside looking in

chip kelly and all the stoops every single last one bob mike i i i slightly i think mike stoops looks like he wants to get divorced but won't pull the trigger just absolutely won't do it mark stoops though looks like pulled the trigger years ago i don't regret it my house has two lawn chairs and a playstation i'm happy as a clam rape my room fellas yeah that is a walking male living space have you seen how that reddit community has become like this weirdly nurturing space lately oh male living spaces did a total u-turn i checked it the other day and like the top 10 posts are all like hey king your living room looks great like they've all figured out how to actually decorate rooms together it's kind of heartwarming number five gus mal's on yeah yeah i can see that but he looks like it was i listen no disrespect to christy his lovely wife but he looks like he got that good divorce like he

got out of a bad situation and he did it was just professional yeah he's one of the rare coaches who is the wife guy but i think the divorce from auburn is what has so permeated his his skin and his mind that he looks divorced he's the kind of he's the kind of divorce where he's like yeah me and max we used to do a lot of substances but i've cleaned up since then bad influence can i tell you the the story about reality the only burning man in my life is jesus now have you read the bible never mind that's so you should have gone shadrach meshach and abednego yeah that that is a uh that is a theory and speaking of fireproof underoos where is he ucf that's right space i have to tell you this gus mel's on in real life like he has no hobbies outside of coaching so when he got to auburn he bought a boat so he would just get up like his wife would say you need to do something else he'd like push him on the

boat and he would go out and just do circles in the boat and drive it back and been like i have voted now football and he'd just go right back like a sim yeah he's like a simple yes you have to recharge his life meter and then put him back i have acquired a leisure meter full back to work again his wife christy is a lovely and suffering woman i'll have a conversation with that stranger okay uh balloon thunder cloud pineapple yeah those um those play cards that you hold up on the side with emojis that's actually just gus talking to his kids that's what the inside of gus's brain looks like number four number four jimbo fisher the top three is gonna be ferocious there's a divorce story about jimbo we can't even tell on this show no he can't no we cannot the christmas tree on the on the front lawn says it all though if you if if if you jimbo looks like he's perpetually divorced like he's in the middle of the

yeah divorce he's in a custody battle active custody battle like he's a sisyphus of divorce like every day he wakes up it's larry king yeah never mind i also in in doing this list i've also realized what an unfair advantage it is to wear a visor because literally everyone has one so far is that the most divorced hat it's the divorce hat divorce hat there's nobody in your house anymore to tell you to put sunscreen on the top of your head number three kim mulkey that implies that anybody would marry her to which i object wow i mean are satan's handmaidens allowed to get married in some states that's a great picture of kim mulkey number two number two tom crean was married to one of those women who like packed his lunch for him and he doesn't even know where to find carrot sticks in the grocery store so i take two issues with this one tom crean's married to a harbaugh he's not getting out of that he's not

for two tom crean looks the most divorce attorney i hate not a great one that's the kind of discomfort in his clothes at all time can i kind of and say that tom crane looks an extraordinarily amount of divorce for being hella married yeah that's fair like that actually makes that actually makes a stronger case for him i think okay yeah he he we cannot let him get divorced the divorce power would be too quick yeah imagine tom crean imagine tom okay you know how somebody's gonna have to play basketball against brittany griner after she gets released from russian prison imagine tom crean's divorced energy if he actually gets divorced there will be no containing it has had a conversation with jim and john where he said you know we're having some communication problems i'm not sure if this is going to work out and both jim and john took their shirts off and said if you can pin us both you can break up with her if you

can't five more years yeah and every time tom just like he doesn't have the core strength for it i want to know by the way going back jim harbaugh was divorced at one point divorced jim harbaugh that's an insane and insane moment in life is recently divorced jim harbaugh attacking the single scene with an intensity unknown to mankind what's his courting page just going to barnes asking if there's a woman in the house i think it's probably has something to do with like donning a frilled crest like a bird or a lizard i mean given his recruiting style he probably hired three guys to go find him maybe he puts his hat on backwards yeah he's like i'll co i'll coach her up you guys go find him i have a feeling he was just showing up to tail against being like you married you want to be and number one mike bray i don't think i know what he looks like i don't know how to feel it that means we get to do a live event i don't know

how that's possible my favorite pull up is i'm having a clay hilton moment right now i can't pull up his face my favorite and the mike bray divorce looked oh gosh he went from god he went from mock turtleneck guy to buttoned down like and then there was like the mike bray in maui's phase where he just took his shirt off and had a leon and basketball shorts the best thing about mike bray is like it really i don't think it matters how much effort he puts in in the morning he always it always looks the same it always looks like he he was at a bachelor party the night before and just slept at his clothes always i can't find an image of him wearing a tie and it maybe it's like basketball coach without a tie suggests the been up all night thing yeah i don't think he's ever worn a tie professionally but my other favorite thing about mike bray is his book is called keeping it loose i think mike bray actually does put on a

tie in the morning and then immediately loosens it because the stress of the day has already gotten to him he looks like a guy who simultaneously post divorce started eating papa john's for every meal but also started going to hot yoga at 5 00 a.m five days a week and so like there's a balance here but it's a balance that comes with real tension yes mike bray as if rick pitino went to therapy oh [ __ ] wow i went to therapy for which went to the therapy with the goal of wait wait went to therapy with the goal of moving in which direction to be the most self-actualized rick pitino is like how could i be worse went to therapy and still ended up number one most divorced players rick is off the most divorced charts here yeah he's like we just retired we retired him he's first ballot hall of fame if john calipari went to therapy the therapist would be like in 15 minutes be like he's fine that's fine and now i'm rich somehow

yeah i know i'm suspiciously wealthy the most divorced thing about mike bray i'm on his wikipedia page right now zero personal life section nothing wow i love oh goals does not exist basketball coaches make the big mistake of wearing suits see football coaches have an advantage over them because their lifestyle is appalling and their choices are bad and the overall welfare scale for them is very low so they pretty much dress to match the contrast between the suit an indication of professional responsibility and generally being together with the actual physical state of most men's basketball coaches is the problem it's like when john wick is wearing a blood-covered suit at the end of the movie filled with bullet holes and torn and stabbed that's what all basketball coaches look like you're saying john wick should wear golf polos i'm saying john wick would look a lot less stressful moisture wicking

i think i think john wick should dress like a baseball manager exactly the same as his players high socks so the only the only absence from this list that i will note because i think it's the most obvious one is dana holgers yeah okay no no that's another one because this implies that dana ever looks like he's been and he has been but this implies that daniel looks like he's ever been married yeah okay which the miracles that he was can we can we change famously famously quote by the way sorry ryan i'm just going to steamroll you because this quote is too good but famously dana has said aloud nobody's happy when i'm married can't i would like to propose that dana holgerson is the most annulled looking cook what's a null a what you mean zero zero yeah that's how we start every saturday hey y'all do a better dana somebody else take this an old an old uh dana dana is the most feral looking

coach if you wanted to know like which one he's the most feral coach okay so mike it's not there ain't no looking in it who is the least divorced looking coach mark rick in college sports we've been kicking that one around rick's a good one i think marcus freeman looks extremely married really i think he doesn't look divorced at all to me but it's also because he's never been married candy i'm not alone marcus freeman is very married he has multiple children but he also looks like a bachelor you don't have to be that married to have that many kids uh lincoln riley gives off big married pastor vibes so i'm going to say like i'm going to say mike riley i'm going with uh champion lolo mike riley is the most married riley but also a rare case of someone that wears a visor occasionally that looks married andy reed andy reid is super buried yeah i'm jealous of how good his marriage is that's a 50-year marriage looking guy

yeah dave miranda yeah yeah dave miranda is awfully married matt campbell somehow looks pre-divorced and i can't really explain that but i feel like you guys know what i'm getting at he's shopping for a lawyer he's yeah no i mean he looks like he looks like he signed him he looks like he signed a post nut before he signed a prenup somehow i think matt campbell looks uh more like engagement he's like really long where it's like you guys have been engaged for like seven years and he's like yeah you know we're just waiting i'm really leveling off he looks like like this is i'm trying to compare him to mike gundy who looks like what i'm going to call quantum divorced paul crest is the least divorced looking oh yeah that man that man looks like he's like hmm she's got a plate waiting for me at home i'd better be home by six i think you know who has immense past immense married pastor energy along with lincoln

riley is neil brown yeah i think paradoxically bill belichick looks uh very non-divorced because that would require like leaving the football facility to fill out a piece of paperwork it would require like being aware that he is married plus when you see him in a sailing magazine it's like oh man look at this dude yeah yeah yeah let's go together bill belichick in in in the vineyard vines i do appreciate it bill belichick when he shows up to the job where he he is best known makes the most money and is getting the most attention he's just like [ __ ] you all wear whatever i want but when it's like you know hampton's magazine time buddy the fits are coming out when it's time to look like you know what croquet is that's right yeah that's a man who went to exeter all right he checked me here true or false james franklin does not look divorced but has an extremely divorced personality yeah and that kind of like occasionally

he's like you hit a sensitive spot yeah like occasionally you hit a nerve to bring that up again sheila yeah yeah also bad time management skills so yeah is that what divorces kind of when you think about it yeah i hope you don't find out is that what marriage is good the time you spend it's when you accidentally schedule the time that you spend with your lovers with the time you're supposed to spend with your spouse that's that's bad time management right sure that's too many men on the field antonio uh antonio conte by the way if this is my epl shout out antonio conte he looks neither married nor divorced i have said for years that he looks like the priest in a soap opera who is in love with a married woman that is it a photo of antonio conte you will see he looks like the guy who is like bella i cannot that's bad for my only love is the lord i i want i want that story but i went bob huggins in that role

like doing the accent and everything just hitting the butt oh i can't do it while wearing tracks while we're in a track suit all right please somebody release me from my anguish and do dana speaking italian come on ryan absolutely it's just brad pitt yeah getting glorious

casino that's that's all it is that's all it is anyone who says but he speaks flawless a town i bet dana speaks like 17 languages of asking where to buy cigarettes flawlessly in no other words unfiltered oh duty-free marlboro marlborough that's italian right sure marlborough shanghainar god we gotta bring back the mirage bowl so we can send her to japan the barrage bowl where barry sanders won the heisman barry sanders in addition to like running for more yards than any human being you still smoking doors in japan dana might love it there oh i bet you listen you cannot but i bet there's multiple places in china where he can fire up indoors i guarantee you oh my god this is i just i've seen the future it's all laid out before me uh dana and tillman are just going to take this thing take this baby they're just going to a cow that's where their baby that's a musical dana holgerson goes to macau the musical

i will actually attend that in theaters i'll be like i found my claim ticket but i lost myself scruff pacific that's what we're calling it i'm plowing the cow off 24 beers yeah this is by the way like dana dana to his credit is like is shockingly organized as a coach like he runs like functional like degrees like runs everything like clockwork he's also i think hope for everybody who says that you have to sleep three hours a night in order to be a successful professional right because he's like free brother no way we're not getting the office till nine what is what is it my birthday the dream man the absolute dream and in demand that's the best part that man go look never been fired hasn't been fired who among us can say that he shows up in houston and like usually the coach does the things we're going to win the right way we're going to do the academics we're going to install the culture we're going to blah blah blah

blah blah pogo in his introductory uh speech at houston said we're going to win some games that's it that's the sales pitch yes and then in year one made sure that practice did not intersect with what the houston rodeo that is correct the biggest party in houston in the spring the rodeo made sure that practice did not overlap that that and telling all his players hey we're taking this year off we're going to actually try in like three years sure that's like not for kovit reasons to be clear no just like we'll come back when we're good at that'd be football just yeah listen we're not gonna we're gonna come back when we're good at the full cast that's a form of emotional intelligence listen sim season can be embraced in many forms so

you

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports"?

Dan Le Batard (Host), Stugotz (Host), Mike Ryan (Guest), Jason (Guest), Spencer (Guest), Holly (Guest).

What is "Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports" about?

The discussion centers on an entertaining analysis of college football, highlighting the quirks and antics of various coaches as it interacts humorously with guests and anecdotes about a specific columnist's navigational struggles while traveling abroad. The episode encapsulates sports commentary, personal stories, and promotional content from DraftKings sportsbook, creating a blend of sports…

What is mentioned in this The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz episode?

7 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Mike Bray, Gus Malzahn, Auburn University, Roger Sherman, Jake Haener, Fresno State. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Hour 2: Top 5 Coaches Who Look Divorced 💥 The Dan Le Batard Show 2022 💥 Top Podcasts In Sports"?

The episode runs 42 min; the transcript is about 6,906 words in 41 timestamped sections.

More from The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.