Transcript

How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs

From The Dr. John Delony Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 17 min · 2,905 words · 63 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs", an episode of The Dr. John Delony Show published December 18, 2025 (17 min, about 2,905 words). It mentions 17 people, works and ideas, including Down syndrome, Masculinity, NICU, Trisomy 21, Feeding tube.

What this episode is about

The narrative explores the emotional challenges faced by parents when navigating the unexpected diagnosis of their newborn with Down syndrome, detailing the intense medical appointments, premature birth, and the long NICU stay. It captures the feelings of helplessness and the struggle to understand parental roles in the face of adversity while emphasizing the profound impact of these experiences on both the child and the parents.

Key takeaways

  • Tragedy isn't a divine punishment; sometimes life's just testing your emotional endurance with bonus levels.
  • Dads feel helpless too, especially when a doctorate in diaper dynamics doesn't cover neonatal crisis management.
  • A newborn smile transcends entrenched beliefs; sometimes bliss breaks through inherited guilt complexes.
  • Family trauma isn't hereditary, but enough can convince you you're starring in a generational soap opera.
  • There's nothing like the NICU to turn existential dread into today's special with a side of gratitude.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 3:00: Down syndrome, Feeding tube
  2. – 6:00: Down syndrome
  3. – 12:00: Down syndrome, Masculinity, Fatherhood
  4. – 15:00: Down syndrome, Masculinity, Rage Against the Machine
  5. – 17:16: Together app

Notable quotes from "How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs"

  • Issues, but the main one is that he it was very likely that he was going to have, tricom 21 or down syndrome. Yeah.
    about Down syndrome · at
  • Help this little boy. so, finally came home and, he came home with a feeding tube because he's he's still working on how to bottle feed. and man, I there's there's been so much trauma in my family when it comes to.
    about Feeding tube · at
  • Yes, of course. But listen, listen. You showed up. And here's what true masculinity looks like. Feeling that feeling, which you did.
    about Masculinity · at
  • Next right thing and you can continue. This is a part of taking your power back as Rage Against the Machine once said. Like this is how you do this. It's not about fe it's not…
    about Rage Against the Machine · at
  • Every day of your life, actually, I'm going to give it to you for free. I want you to I'm going to give you my together app which is just a daily thing. It will pop up on your phone and it is one thing to do for your wife.
    about Together app · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Companies & orgs

Products & tech

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

At the end of last year, my wife and I found out we were pregnant. And um so excited, first time pregnancy. And um and we started we went in for our first scan, the the ultrasound scan, and uh the the doctors immediately said that there's something big wrong. So, um, he he was really small and so they they wanted to do some further testing and, um, there was a variety of of issues, but the main one is that he he it was very likely that he was going to have, uh, tricom 21 or or down syndrome

down syndrome. Yeah. Yeah. And uh, so we got designated as a high-risisk pregnancy. My wife went in twice a week. I went with her um to get scans and make sure that um everything was okay. Um and every week we would go in, they would just tell us more and more stuff that they thought was wrong, you know, from issues with his lungs to um you know, just just I became so I dreaded going to those appointments because every every week they would say, "Well, we think this could also be wrong. It could be nothing or it could be this very severe thing.

Um, so then he he he um he came uh at 33 weeks and we spent it was an emergency C-section. So uh we missed both my wife and I missed the pregnancy. I got to tell you, it's the most bizarre thing when someone just hands you a little tiny little baby and says, "This is your son." And I didn't even get to see see the birth. But we we spent two and a half months in the NICU and it was just um just brutal, man. Like I you know just like every day was like such intense um traumatic things and uh and I felt so powerless. you know, I I've never been a dad before, so I I didn't know how to um I don't know what the point of a dad, you know, what a dad is supposed to do.

But I do feel like part of it is to protect and to like, you know, I don't know, that's maybe a cultural way of thinking, but you know, I couldn't there was so little I felt like I could do to help this little boy. Um, so, um, finally came home and, you know, he came home with a feeding tube because he's he's still working on how to to bottle feed. Um, and man, I you know, there's there's been so much um trauma in my family when it comes to little kids,

you know, lots of miscarriages and man, I didn't think I was gonna be this emotional.

No, you're good, man. This is this is the most important, sensitive, heartbreaking, vulnerable conversation to have about a man as kids, man.

Yeah, you're good, brother. So, you know, cousins and and you know, just my family everything from car accidents where little infants died to like, you know, pneumonia. And so my family, our culture is I'm I'm an immigrant and our

our culture is is very sort of orthodox uh religious. Okay. And so because of all this trauma,

tell me what that means. Tell me what that means in related to all this trauma.

Yeah. You know, I teach me about that. Yeah. Okay. So probably a a good way to think about it for anyone who is uh religious is maybe more like uh uh God will only love me if I perform well

and if I um follow the rules, you know. Okay. And so so that but that means the opposite is if something bad happens, it's a punishment because you didn't follow the rules. Okay.

Exactly. And you know, it's it's that's the culture we grew up in. And my parents, you know, they they um they sort of moved my brother and I out of that that culture because they saw how um how it was it wasn't a a healthy way of of of living.

But then tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. And so when I when I told my family, you know, that our little guy was going to have Down syndrome. Um, you know, part of what they tried to do is is I think everyone was in shock. We don't we didn't know anything about Down syndrome. And so part of it became like trying to trying to like appease God and just be like, "Hey, please like,

you know, remove your anger or whatever from from us." And I didn't know that they were doing this, but they did they didn't know what to do, you know? So this is part of what they were trying to do

just to help. And then when I found out about it, it just broke my heart, man, because I don't want this little kid uh to to be born into that legacy.

Yeah. Um but I I don't blame my parents or I don't blame my family, you know, because it's been it's been a a rough it's been rough. So, and and grief makes you do crazy things. It's not even crazy, but trying to wrestle with why why does this keep happening or why, you know, what's going on? So,

um, so yeah, man. I I I've I feel like I've got so much psychological baggage with this stuff. And and you know the one thing I can say is the beautiful thing the beautiful thing is this kid is starting to like smile at me and like

you know Yeah. So I'm like man how can how can that world view be true at all? It it just can't be because this little human is so beautiful and so cool. But I just feel so powerless. Yes.

And he's got such a challenging road. Um, so so uh so let me back out with you. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. No, don't ever don't apologize, man. That was I was that was an honor to get and sit and listen to you.

Okay. Have you told anybody else that in that way? You know, um, not like this. No.

I want to I want to say like just like it's a high honor. Thank you for your trust there.

So, I want to go back. There is nothing nothing more powerless, and I know this is to a mom, but I'm a dad. I'm talking to a dad. So, I'm just going to talk to dads for a second. Nothing more powerless to a father watching their kids hurt and not being able to do anything about it right?

Oh, dude, it sucks so bad, man. And and this happened in utero. This happened when this baby was born. And you couldn't even hold and hug your own son.

No. No. But hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. No. Don't be sorry. But I I I want to make sure I catch you before that train leaves the station again.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Okay. You have a grief train that just is the moment it just it's a bullet train ready to shoot out of the station.

Yeah. I want to back up and tell you what I see. You told me that your wife had two appointments a week and that you went to all of them.

You know the greatest thing a dad can do for his kids? Love their mother well. Yeah.

You felt powerless but you did the next right thing which is to love that woman. And then they kept telling you every and it is this is because of this latigious society we live in. They gave you every possible awful thing that could happen.

And you know what? You showed up anyway. Oh, it was so hard. I know. But you know what? Almost all the stuff they said didn't come.

Of course it didn't. Of course it didn't. They want to be able to see ya if this ends up in court.

So they tell you, "Oh, now that Now that I'm after it all, like I'm like, "Oh, that's what that was."

Yes, of course. But listen, listen. You showed up. And here's what true masculinity looks like. Feeling that feeling, which you did. Most men get two paths in this current culture. Forget your feelings. If you have any feelings, it's cuz you're weak and you're a coward. Suck it up and go anyway. Or all you are is your feelings and you should curl up in a ball cuz it feels hard and uncomfortable and just play video games and eat Cheetos. And you took the third path. And this is true masculinity. This is true fatherhood.

This is true husband. You felt it. You felt powerless. And let's be honest, whenever there's a genetic challenge with a kid or a birth, I don't call birth defect, right? Like that's a crass way to say it.

Yeah. Every parent looks in the mirror and says, "I did this to that kid." I know, man.

This is from my body to that kid. Listen, you felt that and you went and did the next right hard thing and that my brother is worth celebrating.

Thanks. I am proud to know you. Okay. And you do the next hard thing which is your parents tried in whatever cultural clumsy whatever fa whatever word you want to throw at it, they tried to love you the best they could. Even if that meant them going in a closet and taking on God, they did that for you, right?

Yeah. Okay. So, listen, that's not how you would have handled it. You wish they hadn't have done it, but if you can see beneath the action to these people went to war with God for me.

Yeah. And I, you know, I haven't I I I sort of backed away from them. That's good. That's good. That's good. That's okay. That's okay. But listen,

I I you know, as I've thought about it, I've just thought like exactly what you're just saying is like Yeah. Anyway,

those are ride or dies, my brother. That's awesome. Yeah. Okay. And those are people who have felt pain of child children, child loss, child pain. They know, too. And they so didn't want you to have to experience that they took on God, which tells me they will always be in your corner.

Okay. Now, here's the truth. Having a kid with Down syndrome is hard. Yeah, there's an extra layer of challenges that it's going to be in your life forever.

Okay. financial cost, social cost and also the friends and family members like the people in my world who I know have a family like a kid or a cousin or a sibling with Down syndrome they never tell that story without a smile on their face too. There is a deep and profound learning and joy that they'll I've not anyone have ever heard somebody who has a sibling or a loved one with Down syndrome say I wish everybody had this but they all say it's also an amazing adventure

of profound joy and life and hilarity and also really hard conversation all of it right and you know this it's a wide spectrum so who knows how this is going to play out all that insecurity, what

you have proven to me and to the millions of listeners to the show and to yourself that you can feel that pain the first time somebody makes fun of your kid.

Yeah. The first time a school doesn't give them the services he legally and morally deserves.

Uhhuh. that you can feel that and go do the next right thing and you can continue. This is a part of taking your power back as Rage Against the Machine once said. Like this is how you do this. It's not about fe it's not about feeling powerless. It's about feeling powerless and then saying, "Hey honey, I'm doing dinner tonight."

Even when you're tired and frustrated, you don't want to. Hey honey, I want you to go spend a night away at a hotel I've already even booked it for you. I'm taking I'm taking little one this weekend.

Yeah. Even when you think you've got nothing else to give, I'm going to step in that gap. I'm going to go do the next right thing. I'm going to go learn everything I can about being a dad of a kid with Down syndrome.

And I might even two years from now, I might even start a local Facebook group of dads who just found out. M

and once a month we're going to meet at a local diner. We're going to meet at my house. We're going to meet at a local church and I'm going to sit with you and y'all can cry and you can say the words out loud. I wish this had never happened and I love my kid. Both things are true.

It is that dichotomy. It's such a strange experience. That's but that's that's it. That's masculinity. Can you feel that dichotomy and go do the next right thing?

And you have proven that my brother. Oh man, thank you. I really appreciate that.

Okay. It Yeah, it's it's um you know, I will say the the we luckily had people who have kids with Down syndrome who found out and they made such an effort. It's amazing

to come talk to us and they just said they they they said, you know, because because I think a lot of people see this as just a tragedy or just a a a sad thing. And you know, one of my mentors just said just just wait. It there will be good. There will be good.

There's beauty. Yes. Yes. So, so that's that's that's what I hold on to and but Yeah.

And and and it's hard. It's both. It's hard, man. Yes. Really hard. So, here's the greatest gift you can give your wife and your kid. Okay.

Mhm. Number one, you make sure you have a group of men you can talk to and be as honest with them as you've been with me.

Okay. Number two, every day of your life, actually, I'm going to give it to you for free. I want you to I'm going to give you my together app which is just a daily thing. It will pop up on your phone and it is one thing to do for your wife.

Oh, that's cool. Cool. And it will learn you over time. And so whatever your life situation is, it will give you challenges, things to do every day so that you remember the greatest way I can love my son is by loving his mother.

Okay. Okay. Okay. And here's the third thing. I want you to learn everything you can. Knowledge is power here. So, learn everything about 504 ADA laws. Learn everything about local schools in your area. Learn everything about the finances. Learn about special needs trusts in case something happens to y'all. All of these things. These are just things. This is going to be a new hobby for you, which is learning the ecosystem that is the United States and raising a special needs kid. And the last thing is let the people who love you love you in whatever crazy or honorable or straightforward or faith centric ways they can.

Like those people will be in your corner. Even if you don't like the way they're doing it, they they'll be in your corner. And that's amazing. A lot of people call into this show and they haven't been the dads they want to be. You, my brother, haven't been the husbands they want to be. You, my man, are. It has been a high, high honor to get to talk to you. God almighty, you're a good man, dude. The new third way, feeling it and then going to do the next right hard thing anyway. Whether that's forgiveness, whether that is keeping your mouth shut, whether that is loving your wife, whether that is weeping at the NICU unit and then going back to work the next day, it's doing the next right hard thing. It's calling a group of guys and saying, "Dude, I can't carry this anymore. I just need to come hang out."

All of it. And you're doing that, brother. It's been a high honor. I got to talk to you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs"?

John Delony (Host), Unnamed Caller (Father of newborn with Down syndrome) (Guest).

What is "How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs" about?

The narrative explores the emotional challenges faced by parents when navigating the unexpected diagnosis of their newborn with Down syndrome, detailing the intense medical appointments, premature birth, and the long NICU stay. It captures the feelings of helplessness and the struggle to understand parental roles in the face of adversity while emphasizing the profound impact of these experiences…

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

17 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Down syndrome, Masculinity, NICU, Trisomy 21, Feeding tube, Fatherhood. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "How Do I Parent a Child With Special Needs"?

The episode runs 17 min; the transcript is about 2,905 words in 63 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 19, 2025.