Transcript

My Divorce Had an Unexpected Consequence . . .

From The Dr. John Delony Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 18 min · 2,733 words · 61 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "My Divorce Had an Unexpected Consequence . . .", an episode of The Dr. John Delony Show published January 6, 2026 (18 min, about 2,733 words). It mentions 13 people, works and ideas, including Codependency, Divorce, Emotional dependence (parent-child role reversal / emotional parentification), Ontario, Generational cycle (intergenerational transmission of behavior/trauma).

What this episode is about

The discussion revolves around a parent's struggle to break the cycle of codependency with her teenage son following her divorce, while addressing her challenges with setting boundaries and dealing with unresolved issues from post-separation abuse. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-belief and acknowledges the difficulties faced by single parents striving to maintain stability and security for their children.

Key takeaways

  • Breaking the cycle of codependency starts with recognizing your own vulnerabilities—it's courageous, not crazy.
  • Single parents often face judgment, but prioritizing safety and independence is a heroic act, not a failure.
  • Clinging to your child for support during turbulence seems natural; just remember: they shouldn't bear your weight.
  • Healing requires vulnerability; change is daunting but necessary to avoid passing trauma to the next generation.
  • True stability stems from self-awareness—acknowledging your past directly empowers your parenting future.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 3:00: Codependency, Divorce
  2. – 6:00: Church, Codependency, Country club, Divorce
  3. – 9:00: Codependency
  4. – 12:00: Divorce, Divorce decree, Ontario
  5. – 17:39: Ontario

Notable quotes from "My Divorce Had an Unexpected Consequence . . ."

  • I'm wondering how I can break the generational cycle of codependency that I'm unintentionally recreating with my he's almost 16-year-old son while still giving him a strong sense of stability and security.
    about Codependency · at
  • How much guilt do you have? Did you file for divorce to get yourself out of an unsafe, abusive relationship?
    about Divorce · at
  • Position where you felt like that they're going to have to go tell their friends at the church or the country club or wherever that their daughter is now a divorce or a single…
    about Church · at
  • Y'all go blow some money and go do something. Go for a walk, go fishing, go I don't know, you're up in Ontario, so it may be like 44 below already. Go do something. Yeah.
    about Ontario · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Companies & orgs

  • Church — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Country club — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Position where you felt like that they're going to have to go tell their friends at the church or the country club or wherever that their daughter is now a divorce or a single…

Concepts & topics

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

I'm wondering um how I can break the generational cycle of codependency that I'm unintentionally recreating with my he's almost 16-year-old son while still giving him a strong sense of stability and security.

Wow, what a powerful question. Thank you. That's a great question. I wish more parents asked that question.

Thank you. That's a that's a scary question to ask, right? Yeah. I'm terrified.

Yeah. All right. So, tell me what what's the most recent thing that happened that when you went to your room and closed the door, you thought, "Oh, man. I'm doing it again." Um I I I have three sons and it's I can put uh boundaries up with the younger two sons and my eldest son I just give him a pass or um if he gets upset then I feel like my body just goes into like an anxious freezing so I can't even parent and I I don't like that I can't do what I need to do as a parent for him. I think it's probably because of my insecurities of things that our family has gone through.

H Are you a single parent? Are you married? Um I divorced his father about 5 and a half years ago, remarried two years ago.

Okay. Um I am still um regularly dealing with post-sepparation abuse from his father which probably plays into this.

Yeah, it it it does. And I want to go back to one single word that you gave me. Okay.

Okay. And it sounds like even in this short minute and a half or two minutes we've been on the phone together, we already have a different set of beliefs. Okay, you ready?

Yes. You told me the word I can't and I think I believe in you already more than you believe in yourself.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Cuz I think you can. How much guilt do you have? Did you file for divorce to get yourself out of an unsafe, abusive relationship?

Uh, yes, I did. Okay. And hold on. You you don't even have to apologize. You don't have to say nothing. I'm with you. Okay.

You did the right thing. Okay. Thank you. And at that time, I didn't realize it till at the time of the divorce when I was trying to um stand up on my own two feet. I asked for support and independence from my parents. And at that time, I realized I was codependent with my mom. And when I asked for support and independence, um, she kind of flipped my world upside down, too. Um, [clears throat] went a little bananas and I I lost my family at that time as well.

Okay. You you may have challenges with codependency, but on this call, I want to humanize what you're experiencing. So, I want us to put aside the clinical language for a second. Okay.

Okay. How old are you? Uh 42. Okay. You are right to want your mom. Okay. You're not crazy. There's nothing wrong with you. Okay.

When your whole world is blowing up, you're right to want your mom and your dad to have your back come hell or high water. Thank you.

You're not crazy. Okay. And if your parents put you in a position where you felt like that they're going to have to go tell their friends at the church or the country club or wherever that their daughter is now a divorce or a single mom and so to protect themselves, they tried to get you to stay in an unsafe situation. I'm heartbroken for you because I was wrong.

Thank you. That's what happened. I know it is. I can tell. I'm sorry. Thank you. And so I also I don't want to give you a pass, but I want to give you full permission to open your eyes fully and say you found yourself in the middle of the ocean completely and totally alone. And you clung to the person treading water with you that happened to be your your son.

Yes. Okay. Yes. And you knew you know I don't have to say it. I'm going to for the listeners, but you know that he can't carry you while he's trying to also tread water cuz his life blew up,

right? Yeah. I don't Right. I don't want him to carry my weight. I I I but I know that. I know. I I know that. And the fact that you reached out to grab the nearest person that felt safe, the only safe person you had left in the world, doesn't make you crazy. Okay. Okay.

I never ever ever ever ever ever sit in judgment of somebody trying to survive.

Okay. Yes. That's like your boat sinking and somebody standing on the shore critiquing your swimstroke as you came in. That's madness.

Yes. Okay. [clears throat] That way. Yes. I know. Everybody did it to you. [clears throat]

And I can tell you right this second, as a dad who is head over heels for his little girl,

if my daughter ever finds herself with three boys in an abusive marriage and she chooses to have the courage to leave, at that moment, everybody in that world's going to come through me before they get to her first cuz that's the way it's supposed to be.

Thank you. And I'm sorry that didn't happen for you. Thank you. Okay. Yes. All right. Now, here's the hard part of this conversation.

Question. I'm looking right at you through this camera lens. Okay. I can't see you, but I can hear you.

Yes. The question is, what are you going to do next? I'm I'm I'm calling I I I find um I know I need to change. I don't want him to carry this and I don't want to have this going through his generation and I I don't know how to change [snorts] my behavior with him.

All right. I got you. I got you on the tactics. Okay. Yeah. I got you. I got you. I'll give you some things to do, but I want you to whenever it starts feeling heavy, which it's going to, and scary and vulnerable yet again, I want you to remember this conversation that you feeling like you're treading water in the ocean alone and you can't see shore. That feeling is right. You're not crazy. Okay,

thank you. I appreciate that. It's not going to make it It's not going to make treading water any easier other than you knowing I will get to shore

and I'm going to get there barely able to take my next breath. Yes. Okay. So, back all the way out of this. What's the state of your new marriage? Um he's um wonderful and but this is um affecting my new marriage too because he wants to he wants what's best for the kids. He wants to see them grow and develop and he can see that there's this codependency specifically with the oldest my oldest son and so he thinks that it's not fair to my son and I I agree. Um, but we've been through so much that I I don't know how to um I guess not nurture. Uh I don't know the word. I don't know I don't know how to act except for what I've been doing. But I I know that my son needs to grow and I do too.

Okay. Here here's here's your path. Are you ready? Yes. Number one, I want you to tonight all by yourself or you know what? This weekend, sometime in the next 72 hours, I want you to ask your new husband to step in and take the boys somewhere.

Okay, y'all go blow some money and go do something. Go for a walk, go fishing, go I don't know, you're up in Ontario, so it may be like 44 below already. Go do something. Yeah.

Okay. And here's your homework assignment, and it's going to be a nightmare. Okay.

Okay. Your homework assignment is to spend uh three or four minutes closing your eyes and taking yourself back to the attorney's office when he or she slid the paper across the table that said, "I'm I'm signing this divorce decree." Okay?

Okay. And I want you to do me a do yourself, not me, yourself a huge favor. I want you to write that scared, terrified exhausted, hurting woman a letter.

And here's the gist of that letter. Thank you for keeping me and my kids safe. Thank [snorts] you for doing the scariest, loneliest, most terrifying thing ever. Cuz that woman's a hero. And what I think is happening is you still hold her accountable for blowing up your kids' lives.

I do. And she didn't. She saved them. Your ex-husband blew up their lives by being an abusive, manipulative man.

Okay? But you got to let that woman off the hook cuz she did a brave, noble, good thing. [snorts] Okay.

Okay. That's homework assignment number one. That's all for this weekend because that one's going to not be great.

Okay. Okay. How old is your son? Um he's almost 16. 16. Uh they're all two years apart.

Perfect. He is right at the right age. Okay. You ready for step for homework assignment number two?

Yes. You bring him and your husband [snorts] and you find a place for your younger two boys to go play somewhere.

Okay. And you read them that letter. Okay. That's hard. It's real hard. It's and it's going to be it's going to be terrifying. And if you if you now that knowing that you're going to read it to them, if you aren't fully honest in that letter, your body's going to hang on to this.

Okay. Okay. They have to know the truth. And your 16-year-old can hold it. He's He's probably about 25 years old inside his 16-year-old little body, isn't he?

Yes, he is. Yeah. Okay. And then that's going to be followed with, and this is scary and horrifying, and I'm going to get roasted in the comments, and I could care less.

Thank you. I want you to look at your 15, 16-year-old son and say, "I'm sorry."

Yeah, I have done that. I I know, but I want him to contextualize how scared his mom was.

Okay. Okay. I don't want you to look at him and say, "I'm not going to talk bad about your dad, [snorts] but I was a scared mom and I have felt guilty ever ever since I separated to keep us all safe."

Okay? And I want you to know I've clung to you and that wasn't fair to you. Yes. And I want you to tell the 16-year-old in front of your husband, I am going to begin practicing [snorts] building new adult relationships. And you got to know those have gotten me hurt in the past. And he's going to say, cuz he's a good kid, mom, it's okay. You don't you're not all those things. And you're going to say, no, no, no, no. Stop. My job job is to love you. not clear the path in front of you, but to get underneath you so you can climb as high as you can want to climb.

Okay. Okay. All right. And I want you to look at your husband and say, "I'm giving you permission and and I want you to give him a road map."

Okay? And it might just be a gentle tap on your knee. It might be a wink when he sees it.

Okay? And all you're asking him for is I don't need your lectures. I don't need I don't need any of that stuff. I just need I'm going to begin practicing and I've never had to do this before.

Okay. Okay. Yes. And then here's your third homework assignment. You got to go make some girlfriends.

Okay. And that's a nightmare for a 42-year-old. Yeah. I just recently made one about four months ago and it's completely changed my life. She's wonderful.

That's amazing. You need two or three. Okay. Oh gosh. I know. I know. Okay. And be as brave as you want to be, but tell your new friend, "Hey, I want to build a small gang. Invite one or two of your friends over."

Okay? AND THIS IS ABOUT damn near impossible in the depth of winter in Canada. I understand that, right? I get this.

Yeah, that's all right. But I don't want you to do another another winter in the dark.

Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. And if he is a good man and he is awesome as you say and he is safe, I want you to grab your husband by the face and look him dead in the eye and he's going to be like, "What are you doing?" Be like, that's just the sound of a grizzled up freezing cold uh Ontario man in my mind. What are you doing? Maybe not. Um but I want you to look at him and I want you to look him in dead in the eye and say, "Thank you for loving me and walking with me as I practice going allin on somebody else.

Okay. Okay. But man, you you are on the right path. And I think being very specific is really being specific about behaviors that you have identified, self- diagnosed yourself with as codependent. What? And I don't know what that is, and there's probably a litany of them, but if it's doing bedtime with your 16-year-old, keep doing bedtime. If it is um you make him do X Y or Z or he's who you go to and you get in a fight with your spouse. All right, then we need to get some adults that can carry that weight because he can't carry that.

So, it's being very specific and maybe bringing along your husband saying is is this a code of is this is this I've lost I've lost my center here and as I'm relearning how to walk on on my own two feet is telling my son to come tell me good night every night. Is that codependent? No. You're his mom is wanting to be a part of bedtime. No, you're his mom. Take every one of those bedtimes you can get. Is it you can't date because you're mine. No girl's ever good enough for my boy. Um, I'll just give you whatever money you need even though you're not working.

Yeah, cuz I I I can't bear you not liking me for a night or two or three. Yeah. Now we're getting into some emotional challenges where he's got to prop you up and he's in control of the house and 16-year-olds can't carry that weight. It's gonna be it's gonna be a tricky slow slog as you slowly walk out of the swamp and up on your own two feet on dry land. And I have a 100% belief you can get there. When you don't believe in yourself, when you start saying the words, "I can't." I want you to remember my voice. I think you can keep pursuing that professional counselor. You got some unpacking to do, some bricks to set down, but I've got every belief in my guts that you can do it.

Questions about this episode

What is "My Divorce Had an Unexpected Consequence . . ." about?

The discussion revolves around a parent's struggle to break the cycle of codependency with her teenage son following her divorce, while addressing her challenges with setting boundaries and dealing with unresolved issues from post-separation abuse. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-belief and acknowledges the difficulties faced by single parents striving to maintain stability…

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

13 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Codependency, Divorce, Emotional dependence (parent-child role reversal / emotional parentification), Ontario, Generational cycle (intergenerational transmission of behavior/trauma), Church. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "My Divorce Had an Unexpected Consequence . . ."?

The episode runs 18 min; the transcript is about 2,733 words in 61 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.