Transcript

My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable

From The Dr. John Delony Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 2 min · 10,484 words · 172 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable", an episode of The Dr. John Delony Show published February 9, 2026 (1 h 2 min, about 10,484 words). It mentions 30 people, works and ideas, including John Deloney, Dr. John Delone Show, Sexual abuse, France – Chez Denise, Therapy.

What this episode is about

The main topic centers on navigating the challenges of setting sexual boundaries in a marriage while addressing personal trauma from past sexual abuse. The discussion highlights the complexities of balancing the husband's desires with the wife's healing process, particularly in light of recent events that have resurfaced painful memories and feelings.

Key takeaways

  • Healing is a personal journey; set boundaries that prioritize your comfort, even if it confuses your partner.
  • Therapy isn't a linear journey; consistency matters, but life often gets in the way—embrace the chaos.
  • Your voice matters—establish a safe dialogue with your spouse to navigate intimate boundaries collaboratively.
  • Healing from trauma can re-trigger emotions; address this to help your partner understand your responses in intimacy.
  • The impact of childhood trauma often runs deeper than the event itself—recognizing this can inform your healing process.

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Therapy, Sexual abuse, John Deloney, trauma healing
  2. – 20:00: Therapy, BetterHelp, poncho outdoors, John Deloney
  3. – 30:00: Pennsylvania, Betty Ann, BetterHelp, Philadelphia
  4. – 40:00: grief, Cozy Earth, anger, John Deloney
  5. – 50:00: video game, Ayatollah K
  6. – 1:00:00: gratitude, Montana Knife Company, video game, Kelly 2.0
  7. – 1:01:42: agency, Phoebe

Notable quotes from "My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable"

  • This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls on what's going on in your life. What can we do? What's the next right move, right? What do we do next?
    about Dr. John Delone Show · at
  • So, how can I navigate setting a boundary in our sexual life while honoring both my own healing and my husband's desires?
    about France – Chez Denise · at
  • Play a humongous lifesaving role for you is painting a picture of I'm going to go through this trauma healing and I'm going to go through learning some skills that when my body…
    about trauma healing · at
  • Trying to figure out how to keep our marriage rolling down the track. And both of us have benefited greatly from our times with a good therapist. No matter if you just met…
    about Therapy · at
  • How is it that I can help not bring that into the relationship with my daughter and help her heal? Because the more I ask questions, the more I feel I'm.
    about Betty Ann · at
  • Right? So, but y'all share that together. That's just called grief, man.
    about grief · at
  • That I sent in was like you talk all the time about like the or what statements and I feel like I don't have any or I feel like the or what statements are always in like these…
    about Jeremy John Mary · at
  • Montana Knife Company makes the best knives on the planet. Period. You all know that my son and I are big hunters and big fishermanmen. We just love being outdoors. And y'all know that my wife is.
    about John Deloney · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • John Deloney — Person · Host / main speaker · 4 mentions · first at
    Leads the show, coaches callers through trauma-informed relationship boundaries, and delivers sponsor reads.
  • France – Chez Denise — Person · Caller (trauma + marital intimacy boundaries) · 1 mention · first at
    Calls about navigating sexual boundaries with her husband while healing from childhood sexual abuse and current family crisis.
  • Betty Ann — Person · Caller (parent of adult child; grief/support) · 1 mention · first at
    Calls about supporting her daughter after son-in-law infidelity and separation, and how to help without overwhelming her daughter.
  • Jeremy John Mary — Person · Caller (marriage/relationship question) · 1 mention · first at
    Calls about setting 'or what' boundaries with her husband around video games and disengagement from family life.
  • Kelly 2.0 — Person · Producer / co-host voice (in-studio banter) · 3 mentions · first at
    Referenced as the 'mean' Kelly in playful banter; later returns to the studio during the episode.
    All right, we are back. Kelly 1.0 slipped out. Kelly 2.0. No, whoops.
  • Phoebe — Person · Referenced prior caller (listener update) · 3 mentions · first at
    A previous caller who feared returning to church after a nearby shooting; provides update about regaining agency.
    So, we had a caller back in November Phoebe who was scared to go back to church after there had been a shooting at a church nearby.
  • Ayatollah K — Person · Referenced expert (external interviewee) · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as someone John interviewed about video games, reframing them as potentially restorative rather than purely numbing.
    What do the games symbolize? Because I I recently had an interview with Dr. K and I've always thought video games were a certain thing, right? A lot of the guys that work on my show are gamers. Like I've always thought games.
  • Alisa Kelly — Person · Show staff (ambiguous reference to 'Kelly' identity) · 1 mention · first at
    Generic/short-form reference that overlaps with Kelly 1.0 and Kelly 2.0; used in teasing comparison.
    So glad that you're with us. And Kelly 2.0 is driving today.

Concepts & topics

  • Sexual abuse — Concept · Core topic · 3 mentions · first at
    Central to the discussion about trauma and its impact on personal and marital relationships.
    My own healing is in reference to sexual abuse when I was a child. My husband even asked me, How come you never went to therapy?
  • Therapy — Concept · Core topic · 6 mentions · first at
    Discussed as a crucial tool for healing from trauma and improving relationships.
  • trauma healing — Concept · Core topic · 3 mentions · first at
    Central to the discussion about overcoming past trauma and its effects on current life.
  • grief — Concept · Core topic · 3 mentions · first at
    Discussed in the context of dealing with loss and betrayal in relationships.
  • Boundaries — Concept · Strategy · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed as essential for personal healing and maintaining healthy relationships.
    But there are specific things that my husband really wants and that I have recently drawn the boundary just like you know 4 months ago and said I don't want to do this at all anymore.
  • agency — Concept · Key argument · 2 mentions · first at
    Discussed as the ability to take action instead of being acted upon, especially in the context of personal growth and healing.
    Oh my gosh. The definition of agency. I feel like I can take action instead of being acted upon.
  • video game — Concept · Case study · 8 mentions · first at
    Used as an example of numbing out and its impact on relationships and personal fulfillment.
    And Dr. Kay talked to me about like I've always thought they were just a way to numb out. I was wrong. People play games the same way I go to the woods and hunt, right? So it's…
  • gratitude — Concept · Strategy · 5 mentions · first at
    Highlighted as a key component in rebuilding and maintaining healthy relationships.
    Stuff. And I here's the stuff I want us to do this year. And I want you to look at him and say this. I have not done a good job telling you how glad I am that I'm married to you. I see the work you put in from home to support this family.
  • anger — Concept · Key argument · 2 mentions · first at
    Highlighted as a natural and sometimes necessary emotion in dealing with betrayal and hurt.
    Yeah. Here's what you did to my daughter. Here's what you did to the love me and my husband showed you. We took you in like a son and you crushed my daughter's heart. How dare you?

Places & events

  • Las Cruces — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location of a caller.
    Dude, I know where Los Cruus is. I love that place. Let's go out to Denise. Hey, Denise. What's up?
  • Nashville — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location where the host is based.
    All right, you know that I've been talking about my love for poncho shirts for years. And if you've seen me on stages around town or across the country or just hanging out at a…
  • Philadelphia — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location of a caller.
    All right, we are back. Let's go to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and talk to Ann. Hey, Ann. What's up?
  • Salt Lake City — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location of a caller.
    Podcast, take a second to subscribe to the show and just from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, Utah, and talk to Mary. Mary, what's up, Mary?
  • Pennsylvania — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as the state where Philadelphia is located.
    All right, we are back. Let's go to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and talk to Ann. Hey, Ann. What's up?
  • Los Cusus — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the location of a caller, likely a mispronunciation of Los Cruces.
    Dude, I know where Los Cruus is. I love that place. Let's go out to Denise. Hey, Denise. What's up?
  • New Mexico — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the state where Los Cruces is located.
    Dude, I know where Los Cruus is. I love that place. Let's go out to Denise. Hey, Denise. What's up?
  • Utah — Place · Setting · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as the state where Salt Lake City is located.
    Podcast, take a second to subscribe to the show and just from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, Utah, and talk to Mary. Mary, what's up, Mary?

Media & podcasts

  • Dr. John Delone Show — Media · Host · 1 mention · first at
    The main podcast show where Dr. John Deloney takes calls and discusses various personal and relationship issues.

Sponsors

  • BetterHelp — Product · Sponsor (ad read) · 3 mentions · first at
    Sponsor segment promoting online therapy platform BetterHelp with a first-month discount.
    This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
  • Cozy Earth — Product · Sponsor (ad read) · 3 mentions · first at
    Sponsor segment promoting Cozy Earth linens (sheets, towels, pajamas) with discount code and trial/warranty.
    Hey, if you come over to my house sometime, you're going to find one main theme. My family loves Cozy Earth. Their sheets pajamas blankets towels.
  • Montana Knife Company — Product · Sponsor (ad read) · 3 mentions · first at
    Sponsor segment promoting knives (chef set and outdoor knives), emphasizing durability, USA-made, and free sharpening.
    Montana Knife Company makes the best knives on the planet. Period. You all know that my son and I are big hunters and big fishermanmen. We just love being outdoors. And y'all know that my wife is.
  • poncho outdoors — Product · Sponsor (ad read) · 2 mentions · first at
    Sponsor segment promoting Poncho performance shirts (flannels/denim/corduroy) with a discount for first order.
    Tough and they're guaranteed to be the softest, most comfortable shirts you own. Head to poncho outdoors.com/deloney and get 10 bucks off your first order when you sign up with…

Full transcript with timestamps

How can I navigate setting a boundary while honoring both my own healing and my husband's desires? My own healing is in reference to sexual abuse when I was a child. My husband even asked me, "How come you never went to therapy?"

That's a well-meaning question, and I understand what he's asking, but it's not a helpful question. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls on what's going on in your life. What can we do? What's the next right move, right? What do we do next? So glad that you're with us. And Kelly 2.0 is driving today.

Watch out. It's just so much kinder. It's awesome. And I know you are as mean as Kelly. 1.0, but you keep it inside and that's so great.

I'm still young. I'm still eager, but I'm sure I'll I'll age quickly. You'll get old and grizzled. No, she's got like 70 years on you. All right, let's go out to Los Cusus, New Mexico. Dude, I know where Los Cruus is. I love that place. Let's go out to Denise. Hey, Denise. What's up?

Hi, Dr. John. Excited to be talking to you. I'm happy to be talking to you. What's going on?

Um, so I've got my question and then, you know, as much background as you want. You got it.

So, I'll just shoot with my question. Let it rip. So, how can I navigate setting a boundary in um our sexual life while honoring both my own healing and my husband's desires?

So, the sexual boundaries with your husband right? Yes. Okay. So, tell me, give me the backstory.

So, we um have known each other 10 years. We've been married for six. We've got two young kids um three and one. Um my own healing is in reference to uh sexual abuse when I was a child and that has kind of come up more recently rather than at the beginning of our marriage because one of the people that was involved recently abused someone else in our family and it came out.

So that's just brought up so much in our family and uh for me personally. I hate that for you. What what's your family doing about it?

Um, so the person who recently abused didn't actually abuse me, but um was abused my sister. And um it was at the same time as another family member abused me. Um and so right now I I mean there's so much going on. I mean, he's not living with his family. Um,

is he going to jail? He's been reported. It's It's an under investigation. Okay. God, I hate this for everybody.

Yeah, me too. Um, so what does healing look like for you? Well, honestly, I It sounds stupid to say it out loud. My husband even asked me, "How come you never went to therapy?" Um,

well, well, let me stop there. That's a well-meaning question and I understand what he's asking, but it's not a helpful question.

Yeah. Okay. Because the the the shrapnel after sexual abuse um and if it's happening with family members, it's happening to multiple people in the same family, my guess is they'll learn the lesson is we don't talk about that here. Is that fair?

Yeah. I mean, um, my parents don't feel that way. I mean, they were not involved, but, um, they that's come up. They don't feel like they silenced anyone. But,

well, well, but here's the thing. If you as a kid knew, whether explicitly or implicitly, they're not who I can go to about that. That that actually is trauma. It's a child separated. Like the act of what happened to you, the thing that happened is a traumatic event. M

but a child unanchored knowing a bad thing just happened and I'm not safe to go to my parents it doesn't matter if they again I'm not blaming them I'm just giving you I want to give you some peace

that end up kids can go through hell and back if they don't have to go through it alone but if a kid knows I'm on my own when this bad thing happened to me that the [clears throat] trauma started long before the actual traumatic event. You get what I'm saying?

Yeah. And I guess I felt like not that I couldn't tell them, but that I was I mean I remember I was very young, but I felt like, you know, I was complicit.

Exa Exactly. Yes. Exactly. Which is I mean, that's a whole other conversation. But that brings me back to my next question. Like my original question is what does healing look like now?

Because for forget the sex inside your marriage right now, right? That's important. We'll get to that. But now that you know this thing has reemerged, that fire has been reit like that your body's on high alert again. It's running this script that it knows um what's the next right move for you?

I got in touch with a therapist um that I like. I just haven't been consistent in going,

okay, because this life is crazy and I feel like I don't have a a lot of um support [clears throat] for people that can help me out with the kids. So, I can do that.

Okay. Whatever that looks like, I want to tell you that you're worth that work. Okay.

Okay. It's super not fun. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I guess I'm kind of feel overwhelmed because I don't really know. I don't know the I just want to get through it and I know I have to just do the work. But

well, but there's the work you have to do. But here's where your husband can play a humongous lifesaving role for you is painting a picture of I'm going to go through this trauma healing and I'm going to go through learning some skills that when my body starts to flood itself and starts to try to protect me even without me knowing it, I'm going to learn these skills on how to um [clears throat] it's all kind of stuff that you'll learn how to do, right? It's movement and breathing, all that kind of stuff that's important. And then we're going to go through the trauma narrative with a therapist. And here's what support looks like for me. It means some days I'm going to come home and I'm going to wink at you. I'm going to text you a certain emoji and that means I'm unhooked for the day.

Like my wife just had minor surgery. I knew I've got pickup that afternoon with the kids. I've got dinner that afternoon. And I've got I've like I'm on now, right? And it's very similar for you. And so that overwhelmed feeling those are the the feeling is big and it's huge and it's real and it's right, but the things you can control there are all right, I need to pass along some things. Some of this weight and you said till death do his part. So you're going to I need you to carry some of the practical things. diaper changes, dinners, dealing with the kids, all that kind of stuff over the next two, three, four, six months, especially when I text you and say, "I need some help today."

And then hopefully he is right or die and he's like, "I got it." You get what I'm saying?

It's not a matter of you going to a one or two or three hour therapy session, you come home and it's all good. That's not how this will work,

right? Is he a kind of guy that if y'all sit down and say, "Okay, I'm about to go do this hard thing for the next little while. I need you to step in for me."

Would he step up for you? I think he feels really overwhelmed with life himself. He doesn't feel like he's at a place where he can shoulder more things. He's tired and, you know, he tells me he's lonely because everything going on with the kids and

Yeah. Sometimes setting overwhelmed is often a I don't have a role or a purpose here or I don't know the next right few things to do. And as the dad of a couple young kids, I don't have a lot of sympathy for I'm tired. All of us are tired. But I [clears throat] do have sympathy for I don't know how I can help. I don't know what to do. And that's where y'all looking at each other across the table saying, "I'm about to go do a really hard thing for a season." And here's specifically what help looks like. Are you a stay at home mom or do you work too?

No, I'm not able to be a stay-at-home mom. Okay, awesome. So, it would be a matter of like, and I know in the media it's really cool to bash guys who don't know what's going on at home. That's not helpful at all. But you being able to say, "Here's what day in and day out, here's what this looks like. So when you walk in the door, I know you're tired, and here's what the next right thing for you to help me with looks like for this season." And he might say, "I'm overwhelmed. I'm tired, but whatever." yada yada yada.

But giving somebody a task list sounds not sexy, and it sounds not engaged, and it sounds like I shouldn't be having to do this. What? All those things that the media tells you this is why men are awful, whatever. you giving him that gift, that path.

Yes. He'll be tired. You'll be tired, too. Everybody's going to be tired. Yeah.

But this is the actually the path back to what both of you want, which is reconnection and healing, right?

Yes. Otherwise, he's like, "I miss my wife. I want some more sex." And you're like, "Dude, I'm exhausted. I'm covered in throw up. I got a one-year-old. Oh, and by the way, my body is screaming at me that we're not safe." Right.

Exactly. Yes. And so you begrudgingly make out with him. He doesn't like that. And he then he begins to say, "I want you to want me." And you're like, "Dude, I would love to want you, but the kids need to eat and we got baths and we have bedtime, right?" You know, you know what I'm saying?

Yep. Absolutely. That sounds like the conversation we had yesterday. Okay. So, it is saying, "Hey, we'll both get to where we want to be, but we have to clear the debt completely first." And that requires us both to be adults and get over the I'm tired. Everybody's tired.

Does he work hard for for for y'all and the family? Yes, he does. Amazing. That's awesome. That brings me joy. Like I'm I'm happy. It sounds like he's a good man.

And do you feel guilty when he comes home and does some of the chores? No. Okay. All right. I I talk to a lot of especially moms of young kids who are stay-at-home moms and when husband comes home it it's like it's your turn now you take the kids I've been with them all day let me completely shut off and then when they start to do some of those things it's that that guilt creeps in like well I've been here all day this is actually my job and [clears throat]

I don't want him to do this or I kind of want to hold the baby I like that part of it or it just everyone's going to have to clear the deck and say

I feel these things. Okay, cool. Here's what actually has to happen for this house to operate for a season so that I can get so that we can get what we both want, which is to reconnect with each other.

Okay. Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. Um, so can I ask you a question? Followup question. So that that makes perfect sense. In the interim, while the healing is happening, um I'm honestly I'm fine with us having sex. I don't feel, you know, that doesn't light my body on fire or anything. Sure.

But there are specific things that my husband really wants and that I have recently drawn the boundary just like you know 4 months ago and said I don't want to do this at all anymore.

Okay. and [clears throat] that has made him feel super, you know, unloved and and alone in this. And I don't know if I should be listening to that voice telling me, hey, don't do this or if I should be, you know, trying to fight that because I love my husband and I it's not that I don't want to be intimate with him.

Sure. I I think it's I think it's a if he if if he's saying like I want to bring the neighbor over

and you're like that goes against my values, I'm out on that, right? No, I know I'm I'm being silly, but also you've listened to this show. It's sometimes not silly, right? So like if if it is if it's something that is outside of my value set,

I want to have that hard conversation. If it's something that is painful or uncomfortable, I want to have that conver that's a separate conversation, right?

Sure. If it is something that makes me feel gross or used or not myself along those lines,

if it's along those lines, I want to go to the deeper layer, which is what is it about this act? What is it about you who you become when you're doing this thing with me or to me? like it's getting to that thing beneath the thing. Or if it's as it's as as I say as simple, but it's not simple, right? So, I don't want to belittle it anyway, but it's as simple as this thing you're super into is the exact thing that my abuser did to me, and right now I'm super uncomfortable with it.

Mhm. Or like there's any number of things. So, it's it's not like um there is things in marriage like I'm not super into this. I know she is. I know he is. I'm like I I'm It's an act of uh kindness. It's an act of uh giving. I don't know the word for it. I'm trying to think of a clever word for it, but like

I I don't want to say take one for the team, but it's kind of like that. Like I'm not into this, but if you are

that conversation party, right? But if it becomes uncomfortable, painful, um if it becomes I feel this way, then putting that on the table because what happens is the act itself, I want to do this thing to you or with you. Um it's addressing that with curiosity, not judgment. But you being honest about what the needs in the house, there are some real needs. food, diapers, babies, screaming, all that stuff is real and good. And being honest about here's what I want. When I go to sleep, I I I've got to be able to sleep.

I want to be intimate with you. I want to have sex with you. And we used to be able to just wake up at 2 a.m. and just get it going and then be back to roll over and go back to sleep. That season right now, it's winter. Um, I used to be super into this particular sex act. Right now, it doesn't feel good to me. I'm not going to say never again, but I'm just saying right now. I'm not super into that. Walk me through what you feel like underneath that. And then um let's see if we can get to it another way. But it's just sitting down and having those conversations. And I promise you, if y'all both show up with curiosity about those conversations, those can be some of the most intimate, magical, sexy, fun conversations you've ever had.

You get to know each other at a level you thought you knew each other. Nah, man. you get to really know each other. And anyway, most of the time men say, "I just want I do want sex. I want sex. I want sex, but I want her to want me. And I want her to desire me. And I feel like she desires the kids more, the the routine more, the this more." And so it is saying, "Okay, what do we need to do so that we can get to what we want to do?" And everybody's tired, everybody's busy, everybody's working hard, everybody's frustrated. And on top of that, you have a trauma history you got to work through. We have to be extra clear.

And the word, the dominating word here is just kind. There's just going to be days you text him and be like, "Tonight's going to be the night." And by the time he gets home, your body's on fire. You're worn out. The kids have been screaming. And kindness means, "All right, sweet, dude. Let's just get under a blanket and watch TV together. I'll hold you. Awesome." And there's going to be some nights that you wake up at 2 a.m. and you're like, "I'm going to wake him up. We're going to party for 39 seconds and then we're both going to go back to bed.

Cool. It's just being kind, right? Let that be the dominating um word here. But thanks for the call, sister. You got a lot of work to do ahead of you. Um I would recommend write all this stuff down and y'all can have this conversation. What do we need to do? And then let's get to what do we want to do. Thank you so much for the call, sister. We'll be thinking about you a lot. I hate this for your family um that y'all are going through this trauma stuff and I hope that guy goes to jail. We come back, a woman asks, "How to move forward after a son-in-law checked out of his marriage."

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All right, we are back. Let's go to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and talk to Ann. Hey, Ann. What's up?

Hey, thank you so much for taking my call John. Of course. Thanks for calling in. How can I How can I help? Well, um, speaking of trauma, um, my son-in-law exposed that he never had gotten over the trauma of his mother passing, uh, [clears throat] as a teenager and he was in having some infidelity issues and wasn't clear with that, I guess, during what he said he tried 3 years in marriage counseling and just decided after five almost 6 years of marriage, he didn't want to make it work anymore more with my daughter.

He was like a son to me and for about a year now we haven't had any, you know, we haven't seen him. He never came to the home. He just wrote a letter and it's just been hard moving forward.

I'm so sorry. So, has he officially divorced your daughter? Um, the official date should be coming up in the new year.

Okay. She moved away to get a fresh start. But yeah, and they were both strong what we thought beautifully ceremonial Sorry, hold on.

Yeah. So, um like you know they were strong believers as what we saw and had good background. So, we saw it and they were doing great. It looked on the outside. So, it's just been really

it's been hard. Yeah. Let me say this. Um, and this might sound like a bold statement, but I I hear in some of your question that you're feeling a little bit crazy. So, let me say this. Losing somebody that's important to you is devastating is not an excuse for infidelity.

Um, him losing his mom as a teenager is lifealtering. Everything in his life is different after his mom passes away. And that's not an excuse for that's why I cheated on your daughter, on my wife, so you're not crazy. And there's few things that feel more crazy. We we have a psychology for when somebody stabs us in the back, right? It feels awful and it changes our life and all that, but um we understand that intellectually. Most of us don't have a psychology for somebody that we thought we knew and that we trusted with our most precious thing, our kids. We don't have a psychology for when somebody stabs us in the face.

And so you're right to feel disoriented and crazy. I thought I knew this guy. Yeah.

I treated him like a son. Cuz underneath your statements of I treated him well. I loved him. I welcome him to the family. is the question you're asking yourself is what did I not do? And I want to tell you nothing. He chose repeatedly to cheat on your daughter and he chose repeatedly um and finally to leave your daughter high and dry to leave his marriage. And so on this side of the ledger, I want to applaud you for being a great mother-in-law. I want to applaud you for being somebody who loved him and cared for him.

And I want to give you permission to be really really pissed off at him and really really heartbroken. How is it that I can help not bring that into the relationship with my daughter and help her heal? Because the more I ask questions, the more I feel I'm heaping coals on her head. I want to bring restoration for her.

Right. Right. Yeah. I'm a parent of a 15-year-old boy, 15-year-old son becoming a young man. And I am the father of a 9-year-old, about to be 10-year-old daughter. And I'm just now, I've known this intellectually for years. I'm just now metabolizing this. It's just now becoming real to me. And that is I can't take away my kids hurt. I can sit with them, but I can't take away pain like she's feeling right now. And I don't know a more powerless feeling as a parent than knowing your kid is hurting and knowing I can't take that away.

And one of the one of the things that I've had to learn as a parent of young kids that you're having to learn as a parent of adult kids is the more I try to take away true hurt, the more I'm teaching them and telling them, I don't think you are strong enough. I don't think you can handle life. And so kids respond in one of two ways. Young kids and grown-up kids respond to that sort of implicit message. You're not strong enough for this in one of two ways. They push you away and they say, "I sure can or I'm going to figure it on my own." Or they overimesh. They move back in. You solve all of their problems. You pick up all their bills and they get the message loud and clear. I'm not strong enough to handle life.

Right. And so yeah, the balancing act for you is to say, "How can I love you right now?"

And trust your daughter to tell you what she is, what she desires to tell you, and you commit to checking up on her. And if she says, "Mom, I want you to keep asking me questions even when I don't want to don't feel like answering them," then you keep asking questions. And if she says, "Mom, these questions are too heavy for me right now."

Oh, I love that. Um, then say, "Cool. I won't ask any more questions." I like that.

And if she says, "I don't really know how you can help." Then be be very specific. I'm going to call you once a week, twice a week. I'm going to show up once a month to have coffee with you. And if you don't want to go or don't feel like you can go, then you just simply text me or call me and say, "Mom, not this week." And you'll say, "Okay, great." And you might hang up the phone and sob.

Yeah. But what you're teaching her is, "I'm right here, and also I trust you." Right.

And few things are more powerful for a kid, whether they're 25, 35, or 10. Right.

Right. Which is I'm right here, and I'm thinking of my daughter. Somebody said something on a playground to you about your appearance or about whatever. I can't take away that hurt. I'll hold you though,

right? Somebody is going to break my son's heart. I know it. And the thought of that happening already enrages me. I want to go fight that that girl's dad right now. And she doesn't even exist yet, right? But that communicates to him, I think you're weak.

Luckily, um, in our situation, my daughter's very open and she's coming back on a regular basis, although she's a plane ride away.

Yeah. Um, luckily it's, you know, been okay, but it's more my asking the permission I think to ask questions to um trust her judgment and um yeah

and let me give you two guiding principles here okay and this is hard like what I'm going to tell you is hard I'm just going to tell you I think this is the right path the first one is use the word road mapap will you give me a road map for how I can love you. And she'll say, "What do you mean, Mom?" Say, "I would love to sit here and just talk bad about him cuz he's the worst. He hurt my daughter, but if that's not helpful, I won't do that." I I have a I have a close friend of mine whose wife died of cancer recently, and he's one of the most religious, spiritual men I've ever met in my life.

He's like a north star for How I Wish I Was, okay? He's an amazing man. And when we were talking right after the funeral, I called him. We were talking and he was saying a bunch of I couldn't believe how present he was. And I said, "Have you just started cursing and screaming to the heavens yet?" And he smile. I could hear him smile over the phone. He started laughing because he's like, "I that's my friend Deloney. Dolan is going to go in swinging and punching people before I even asked him to. And he and he gave me a very thoughtful, kind, loving, spiritual answer.

And I said, "Well, I'm going to scream and curse this guy for you. How about that?" And he started laughing and he goes, "I'm glad. Thank you." Right? But if he had said, "I actually what I want you to do is go love your wife insanely well for the next month for me." I would have done that. So that's number one. Okay? Give me a road map for how I can love you. And I'm your mama. So I want to burn everybody to the ground who ever hurt you. And if that's not helpful, I won't do that. Or if you need somebody just to talk bad about him, I'll happily do that. right here. And here's part two to that. I'm going to sound like I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth.

And this may not happen. It probably won't happen. But this guy is going to wander around in the desert for a while. And at some point, he may realize what he has lost, what he threw away.

Yeah. And I always tell people to be very careful about talking bad about somebody, an ex, when somebody finds out, you know, if if one of my close buddies, he called me and said his wife cheated on him and I just started rattling off, I knew she was always been like this and she and she and she, they may get back together one day and he can never unhear the things I said about his wife.

Right. Exactly. And so I don't talk bad about her. I spend most of my time saying, "How can how are you, man? I hate this for you.

Yeah. And I don't ever want to say something that can't be unsaid. Now, occasionally, I was talking to a buddy other day and I said, "Hey, what your romantic partner is doing is cruel. It's mean." And I knew I'm taking a risk when I said that. I knew that. But it would it would have been dishonest for me not to say that,

right? And he can't unhear that. He cannot unhear what I said. And I took a risk with that one. I take that risk very sparingly, right? And so if you if you start badmouthing this guy and run him down, I always knew he was bad, he's the worst, and he shouldn't have. She may call you in a year and say, "Hey, we started talking again." And now she knows what my mama said about my my guy, right? And so it's just a it's just a delicate balance. A lot of which can be solved with I want a road map for how I can best love you. And can I tell you something pretty awesome, Ann?

Mhm. You said she's flown home and just to come crash at y'all's house. Mhm. Can I tell you what an amazing thing that is?

That tells me you've created a world where y'all's home, your home is homebased for her. It's safe. You're a safe person for her. Oh, definitely.

Can I just applaud you and say well done Mom? Well, I'm just excited that all the traditions that were so dear to her heart are still there.

Yes, ma'am. And if that No, no, no, no, no, no. You're you're passing it off, though. I want you to internalize what I'm saying. [clears throat]

Are you married? Oh, yeah. Yep. A long a long 40 years. Gross. Okay. So listen, um, what that tells me is, yes, y'all created traditions and yes, y'all created stability.

Yeah. Yeah. But that also tells me that you and your husband created a world where your kids knew no matter what happens, you can come home.

Thank you. And God bless you, dude. [clears throat] Right. You can't take away her hurt. You can't take away the fact that she put her heart out on the line and said till death do his part and she married somebody who stomped all over it,

right? That's pretty much how I feel like you should and you should be you should take some time to be really sad. Can I can I give you an exercise to do?

Sure. If you haven't already, I want you to write that man a letter. Do not mail it.

Yeah. Yeah. But I want you to get that stuff out of your body onto paper. Yeah. Here's what you did to my daughter. Here's what you did to the love me and my husband showed you. We took you in like a son and you crushed my daughter's heart. How dare you? Cuz you sound so kind that anger feels like um you might have you might have [clears throat] thought anger is a a not nice emotion. I want you to tell you anger is a great powerful wonderful loving emotion. It simply directs you towards something that you care about that is that should not be.

Anger is good, but if you hold it in, anger over time becomes rage. And it either will kill you literally. It'll kill you. It'll shorten your lifespan. It'll give you a heart attack, give you stroke, it will beat your body up from the inside out, or it will just erupt somewhere. And so, take the time to be right in your anger. Write it down. If you want to be a gangster, write it down. Your husband, write it down. And y'all read your letters to each other so you both don't feel like you're crazy. And your husband, his eyebrows may go up. Whoa, I didn't know that was in you, Ann.

Or he may write down on a piece of paper, if I see you again, young man. Right? Like like what I would write if somebody hurt my daughter like that. Right? So, but y'all share that together. That's just called grief, man. Grief. It's hard. It's awful. But I, man, it is an honor to get to talk to I don't want to call you an aging parent, but you're an adult aging parent who has adult kids. And your adult kids know when my world blew up, I could go talk to my mom. It's amazing. And you want to love her well right now. So, let her trust her as an adult. say, "I trust you to give me a road map of how I can love you right now." And if she says, "I just don't know, Mom." Say, "Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to call you once a week. I'm going to come visit you once every month, once a month, or whatever." And you tell me to stop, and I will stop, but I just want to be there for you. And don't use her

to heal your hurt. That's your job. You and your husband, you all work through that on your own. But man, you've done a great job with your sweet girl. And thank you for loving her husband well. And we don't have a psychology for when somebody we care about that we we've invited in stabs us right in the face. And when that happens, we just have to have grief. We have to be sad. Thanks for the call, sister. It's been an honor to talk to you. When we come back, a woman asks what boundaries to set up with her husband besides divorce or just withholding sex.

We'll be right back. Hey, if you come over to my house sometime, you're going to find one main theme. My family loves Cozy Earth. Their sheets pajamas blankets towels. They've taken over our house. Why? Because Cozy Earth's linens are incredible. They're so comfortable. They last. Take the towels for instance. When you wash the towels a couple of times, they don't turn into old rags. They stay amazing towels. And getting into my bed with Cozy Earth sheets just lights up my night. And all the towels, all the sheets, all of it. Cozy Earth offers a 100 night trial and a 10-year warranty.

So there's no risk to fill your house with Cozyear stuff, too. Try them for yourself. Go to cozyearth.com/deloney and use code deloney and you'll save up to 20% off your entire order off everything. That's cozyear cozy. cozyearth.comdeloney with code deloney. Trust me. Bring cozyearth into your home. Everyone there is gonna love it. All right, we are back. Hey, hit the subscribe button. If you're watching this on YouTube, log in real quick. Hit the subscribe button. I have some audacious goals for 2026. And every time somebody hits the subscribe button. It helps all of us out. So, it doesn't cost you anything. It takes two seconds. Log in and do it. or if you're listening to this on Spotify or on Apple Podcast, take a second to subscribe to the show and um just from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you. Let's go out to Salt Lake City, Utah, and talk to Mary. Mary, what's up, Mary?

Hi. How are you? I'm great. How are you? Um I'm really nervous. I always hear people say that, but this is wild.

No, it's I I know it's surreal. Like that little voice that's been in your headphones for a long time. Now we're on the phone. So, I'm glad that you called. I'm glad you called. What's up?

Thanks. Um, so I just I mean my question that I sent in was like you talk all the time about like the or what statements and I feel like I don't have any or I feel like the or what statements are always in like these huge situations like somebody's blown up their whole marriage and it's like either you change or like I'm out. like it's divorce and I don't I don't that's not the point that I'm at. But there are things that I feel like I need to be different or that will be where I get to and

can I applaud you for that? Thanks. Like that's awesome. That's a level of self-reflection. Like I see this now, but I also see where we're heading

and I want to stop this now before we are just sitting around in a burned down house sifting through ash. Good on you, Mary.

Yeah. All right. So, what's going on? What's going on in your house? So, I the the big thing and something that I mentioned in my, you know, call or whatever submission was video game or computer games, I guess it is. Um and there are that's like a thing for sure, but there are definitely other things. Not big just like death by a thousand cuts type of situation where it's just like I the way that we both say we want our lives to look is not the way that we're doing things. So there's like a dissonance between like what we say we want and I'm saying we it's I I see this in him that he says he wants things but then the way he lives his life I'm like you're not showing that you want those things.

Your behavior is the language is telling me that those are not the things. I mean, maybe you want them like in a I want to want them kind of way, but like I don't see the effort into like changing and doing the things that we've talked about are important for our family or whatever. So, that's the games are a big one cuz what I want to say is like that's not attractive to me when I know you've been like sitting around all night playing games. It's like I I I like I don't know what to say like or what then? Like if you don't like get it together,

what what do the games are like? What do the games symbolize? Because I I I I recently had an interview with Dr. K and I I've always thought video games were a certain thing, right? A lot of the guys that work on my show are gamers. Like I've always thought games were I all fill in the blank for all kinds of derogatory statements I can make. Right.

Yeah. And I've got some amazing hardworking awesome guys on my show that play games. And Dr. Kay talked to me about like I've always thought they were just a way to numb out. I was wrong. People play games the same way I go to the woods and hunt, right? So it's like u or the same way I go play music or whatever. So or go to the comedy club. it. So, I don't want to demonize that, but it sounds like the games represent something to you.

Yeah. And I think to me, so I've examined this a lot cuz I feel like this could be a situation where I'm like putting myself above other people cuz I try and tell myself like in my mind like what's the difference between him playing a game and me like watching a movie or something, right? cuz that's kind of like my listening listening to podcast or like watching a I don't watch a lot of TV but like movies were kind of my thing.

Sure. So like what's the difference between that? What's the difference between the way that I quote unquote waste time the way that he chooses to waste time? The thing one of the things for me is like you know you say go hunting. I'm like well you're outside you're in nature. like you're moving your body like there are to me there's like a hierarchy of like time wasting or like hobbies or whatever you want to call it

hobbies I would say maybe and I see in myself and I've known this and I've expressed this but like to me playing games is like it's it's like the perfect setup to feel good and like you're accomplishing something without actually accomplishing doing anything

bettering yourself, bettering the world around you, like it's just like a total on the bottom of the totem pole for me.

And I don't know, you you're allowed to be attracted to whatever you're attracted to.

Yeah. And so if your husband's playing video games cuz he works his butt off for your family and it's his way he connects with his buddies from college and yada yada, great.

And in the same way you don't watch movies every single night of the week because there's a life going on and y'all are adults. I don't hunt every day of the week. Right.

And um so some of that would be you just getting over it, right? Like I don't get it, but he's into it. Fun.

It sounds like though he's using video games as a way to opt out of participating in the life of your family.

That's Yeah, that's exactly right. And it's and he he knows that if we can get down to like not fighting about it and for me to ask like is is this like I just want you to be honest like is this like does it make you happier? Does it like fulfill you? and he's if he's honest about it, he's like, "No, like I I know that this is not like the ideal life that I could be living." And so for me, it's just so hard cuz I'm I'm like then just change like then just don't do it. Like I kind of I don't know or like choose something else to do. But like I there are there's a lot that goes into this, but I feel like from his childhood like he just like I'll ask him like what do you want? Like put away put aside like any of the like work it would take or the money it would cost. Like put anything aside like if you could just like dream like what would you be doing? What do you want? He like can't even

can't even answer that question because I feel like he doesn't feel like he could do it. So, he like doesn't even allow himself to

Okay, that's that's my next question to you as his wife like look out and dream.

Okay, but this is a hard question I'm going to ask you. Okay. And he's not on the phone with me. So, I'm going to ask you this.

Yeah. Where do you celebrate him? Or let me ask you a different question. Where can he win in your house?

Do you all have kids? We do. Yeah. How old are they? Um, we have a 9-month-old and a three-year-old.

Okay. So, number one, I can almost guarantee you he is living in a failure factory [clears throat] cuz he doesn't know how little kids work. And it's easy to say, man, if you put the time in on learning how these kids work as you do on playing Fortnite, you it's easy to do that and I get it. But if you can be honest and I'm throwing stuff up against a wall, I may not be accurate. Okay?

But if he has gotten the message either implicitly or explicitly, I don't do the bottles right. I don't put the diapers on right. I don't do bedtime in the right order, in the right way. I don't even know how to wash these bottles. I tried to wash them once and you came in. And we're like, "That's not how you do." Then the message he has is, "I don't need you here."

Yeah. I I I don't think we fit. I I know I'm not like that. Okay. In this area, like with kids and our home, if he does anything, it's like, "Thanks for doing that. I don't give a crap how the towels are folded." Sure. I don't care how you like he's he's he works from home and I kind of I have a job that allows me to be home more than like full time, you know? So, we're So, like he takes on a decent amount of the child care things like we switch off nights with bedtime and those things. I'm like that I don't care if you do two books and three songs and I do three songs and you know like I don't care.

Okay, perfect. So for those things I am not like the you know maybe trope of like the you don't do anything right.

Sure. It's more in like the bigger scheme of just like I would love to cheer him on in anything that he tried to do.

Yeah. But like he he doesn't like I don't know how to like pump him up for like having a job cuz like that's a normal adult thing to like have a job. And it's not that I'm like trying to make him feel stupid that that's all he's doing. But I just like I don't know how to like make somebody feel like the coolest person alive for like having a job cuz like we all have a job. I don't know. It's like I guess.

Yeah. But I I've got I've got a whole team here that works on this show with me.

Yeah. And they all get paid. Yeah. And they all do their job really well. Yeah.

And it still feels good for someone to be like, "Hey, you you did a great job on that. Thank you."

Yeah. And I'm not saying that he's nine and you need to pat him on the head. That's not what I'm saying.

Yeah. I'm just saying this. If you're not his biggest cheerleader, somebody else or something else will be.

Yeah. And if he has a scoreboard on a video game that tells him whether he's doing a good job or not, that's where he's going to gravitate towards.

If he's got buddies in a bar that will be happy to see him, hey, Norm, when he walks in the door, that's where he'll go.

Yeah. And part of it is he's got to be a grown man. And this is gonna sound crazy and you might think you're nuts, dude. But just try it. And if this doesn't work, I want you to write back into the show and I will read your response and I will say Jaloney, you I did what you said and you failed and I'll read it. I'll I'll eat crow in front of everybody who listens to the show.

Okay? But I want y'all to do like a twohour let's like here's our money situation. Here's our life situation. We have two young kids. Here's all the things we need to do. Diapers, bedtime, all that stuff. And I here's the stuff I want us to do this year. And I want you to look at him and say this. I have not done a good job telling you how glad I am that I'm married to you. I see the work you put in from home to support this family. And thank you. I'm grateful for you. I love you. And you might be cringing right now as I'm saying that, but somebody has to go first.

And if he takes that gift you gave him, which is I see you and I know you and I'm grateful for you. If he takes that and then plays more video games, then your marriage has deeper issues.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. If you say, "Here, I'm seeing you and I'm knowing you and I'm celebrating you and here's how I want to be seen and known and celebrated." And he's like, "Oh, sweet. Now I have a road map." That'd be awesome.

Why is that so hard? I don't know. You tell me. Why is that so hard? That's like like just imagining myself trying to sit down and say that is like terrifying. Even though I know if I did, he would be like so grateful to hear that.

Why is it hard for you? Why is it hard for you to put down your scorecard? I don't know. I I feel like I It's been hard for me. with the exception of like a few friendships and my children. That's [clears throat] like so hard for me to say to like to imagine saying to anybody.

Why? What do you feel like you're scared of losing something? What are you afraid of losing by looking at somebody and saying, "My God, you I lean on you. Thank you. What are you afraid of losing?

I think it feels like I don't think it's giving up control, but it's like giving up

power some of Yeah. like my power to be okay cuz like I [snorts] have done a lot of hard things and I've like and I'm okay and I feel like I like myself.

Mary, you're not okay. Cool things. You're not okay. That's that's the mask you've created and it's an awesome suit. It fits great. You're like Spider-Man. Like the suit fits great.

Yeah. But you're not okay. I'm just curious as to why you can create humans with this man [clears throat] and why y'all can share a checking account together, but you can't tell him I'm grateful for you.

That's terrible, huh? It's not terrible. Your body's trying to protect you from something, so I want to honor it. I I'll cut to the chase here. You're breathing the air that our culture has given you. And that is as a modern sophisticated intelligent hardworking woman, you should not need anybody. You should not need anything. and everybody else should feel as twisted up inside as you do cuz that's just what this is. And I want to tell you, it's an insane, insidious lie.

You do need that guy. You need him to step up. You need him to do things that will be attractive to you. You need him to stop numbing out inside your own home. And he needs you to say, "I'm grateful for you. This house doesn't work without you." And so here's my my my call. My challenge to you is go for it. You don't have anything to lose but tell him I'm sorry I was wrong. Write him some. Write him a letter and read it to him about how grateful you are for him. How he is helping provide you with a dream you've had since you were a little girl, which is to be a mom. It's to be a wife.

And then say, "I want to build something amazing." And we get to cocreate that together. But this this house we're going to rebuild because we have a new marriage now. It's going to be built on gratitude and purpose. Thank you. I don't say it enough. And that ends this year. And then instead of saying quit using your numbing agent in this house where I can't even say the words, I'm I'm grateful for you. Um I'm not going to kick your crutch out from under you. I'm going to join you. And also, I've put some stuff on the calendar for us. We're going to start getting out of the house because I want us to get out of the house. I don't want us to become a house that where we work from home, we live at home, we stay at home, we sleep at home, and we never go anywhere. That's a recipe for insanity.

But before you start going tactical, you need to keep growing. We got to keep doing this. You have to look at him and put both of your hands on either side of his face and say, "My god, I'm so glad I got you. I don't understand your comedy club or your need for more guitars or your need for dressing up in your hunting outfits to go out in the woods or your video games, but I'm not going to understand every hobby, but my god, I'm glad I got you. And if it's restorative a couple nights a week, great. And if it's a numbing agent, then we love each other enough to call each other out.

But let's start there, sister. So, you're on the clock. I want you to try this out, and then you're going to call me back and let me know how it went. And I will read whatever you say. I'll read it out. I'm willing to be completely wrong, have egg on my face on this one. But I have a sneaking suspicion that you might just melt your husband when for the first time in 10 years, you hold his face and say, "My god, I'm so glad I got you. And I want some things to change around here, and that change begins with me. Are you in?

He may just put down that controller and say, "I'm all in." Maybe not, but maybe. Thanks for the call. We'll be right back. Montana Knife Company makes the best knives on the planet. Period. You all know that my son and I are big hunters and big fishermanmen. We just love being outdoors. And y'all know that my wife is a worldclass cook. So, between the woods and the kitchen, we need knives that actually hold up, that are amazing, that will stand the test of time. I bought the Montana Knife Company chef's knife set for my wife several years ago, and she still says it's one of the greatest gifts I've ever bought her, and she uses them all the time. And I have a ton of Montana Knife Company knives for all of my outdoor adventures. Their knives are designed, tested, and built by real hunters, real butchers, real fishermen, and real cooks. When you pick one up, you can feel the quality. They're

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All right, we are back. Um, Kelly 1.0 slipped out. Kelly 2.0. No, whoops. Kelly 2.0 slipped out. Kelly 1.0 pulled her covered wagon up to the door and walked on in. Good to see you.

Hey there. And also with you. What's up? All right. So, we have a cool craft that happened.

Let it rip. So, we had a caller back in November um Phoebe who was um scared to go back to church after there had been a shooting at a church nearby.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So, she says um or she writes, "I used to I used everything that John said to choose agency instead of fear. We took a week off and we went on a family vacation over the weekend instead of going to church. I have a picture that I look at whenever I start ruminating or I hug my boys and I ask if they need a snack. My church has taken steps to make our building more secure. It hasn't made all of the scary go away, but I don't start hyperventilating every time I go into the church building. I feel like I can take action instead of being acted upon. I was really grateful for how respectful and compassionate John was when we talked. Um I know the oh she talks about some other things but she uh that don't have much to do with that but she also says um that she also uses some of your advice on other videos that she's watched and how that she says thank you again again for doing what you

do and please continue doing the good work. Did she also add in there and thank you so much for Kelly?

No she didn't because I only added in when they actually only when they actually added in. So,

go back and read that line because I that's what I want to leave everybody with. Um,

which one? Taking action and not being acted upon. I feel like I can take action instead of being acted upon.

Oh my gosh. The definition of agency. I feel like I can take action instead of being acted upon. If this show is about anything, it's about that. Awesome. Way to go, Phoebe. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you and everybody who is taking action instead of letting the world just happen to them and around them. I'm proud of you, too. See you guys soon.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable"?

John Deloney (Host), Kelly 2.0 (Host), Ayatollah K (Guest).

What is "My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable" about?

The main topic centers on navigating the challenges of setting sexual boundaries in a marriage while addressing personal trauma from past sexual abuse. The discussion highlights the complexities of balancing the husband's desires with the wife's healing process, particularly in light of recent events that have resurfaced painful memories and feelings.

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

30 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including John Deloney, Dr. John Delone Show, Sexual abuse, France – Chez Denise, Therapy, trauma healing. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "My Husband’s Sexual Requests Make Me Uncomfortable"?

The episode runs 1 h 2 min; the transcript is about 10,484 words in 172 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 9, 2026.