My Teen Son Just Got His Girlfriend Pregnant (What Now?)

What this episode is about

A father navigates the challenges of his teenage son's girlfriend's unexpected pregnancy, seeking guidance on how to support his son while managing his own feelings of worry and guilt. He emphasizes the importance of co-parenting and fostering a supportive environment for both teens as they approach this significant life change.

Key takeaways

• Co-parenting wins: Even in chaos, a united front can turn teenage turmoil into supportive teamwork.
• Teen parenting surprise: 16 and pregnant? It’s a wake-up call, not a failure—accept the learning curve.
• Future stats alarm: Children born into poverty face uphill battles; let's flip the script with support and love.
• Resourceful resilience: Creating a grandchild’s promising future starts with a coalition of parents and step-parents.
• Emotional honesty matters: Sometimes, vulnerability shows teens they’re not alone—transparency is the new strength.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Dr. John Delony (Host) · 12 min speaking
• Unknown Caller (Guest) · 5 min speaking

Full transcript with timestamps

0:06 So, I have two teenage kids with my ex-wife. Um, one's in college, the other's a junior in high school. Um, their mom and I got divorced 8 years ago. Um, a year after that, I remarried and my current wife and I have two little kids together. Um, now I've always had a really good uh co-parenting relationship with my ex-wife. Um, you know, we've put the kids first every time. We've treated each other with um respect, with civility. Um both the kids get along Yeah. Yeah.

0:35 Amazing. Good for you, brother. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And both the kids get along well with their stepmom. Um you know, my current wife. Um however, we recently found out that the the girlfriend of my youngest son, um she's also a junior in high school. Um is two months pregnant with his child.

0:53 Oh, wow. Yeah. 16 years old, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Um, now she intends to see the pregnancy through to full term. Um, which I applaud.

1:04 Um, but she comes from a single parent household with very limited means and we're on a pretty tight budget ourselves. So that's, you know, the context for for my call today. Um, so my my question to you, Dr. on is um how do I appropriately support my son going forward so that he doesn't give up on his goals and aspirations um while at the same time dealing with my own feelings of um you know worry, frustration um little bit of hurt and a kind of a sense of guilt that I've I've somehow failed him as a parent by by not doing all I possibly could to prevent this from happening.

1:41 Um so in other words, what's the next right move here? Dude, great question, brother. Um, I I want to reverse engineer this. Is that okay?

1:50 Yeah, absolutely. The greatest gift you can give that 16-year-old girl and your 16-year-old son is to invite them over to your house with your ex-wife and your stepwife. I mean, I'm sorry, and and your your new wife, not your stepwife, your ex-wife and your new wife.

2:04 Uhhuh. and you look at those two scared to death, terrified teenagers and you lead the charge and you say, "You will have no greater fans than the three of us."

2:20 Okay? You will have no greater support network on the planet than us three. And you look at that girl and say, "Hopefully your mom is is right there." And and if and if you have a relationship with her, by the way, you're going to have a relationship with her forever. Mhm.

2:33 Um, you want to invite her to this conversation? But these are like they're children,

2:42 right? Yeah. And so the the lessons, the y'all need to, y'all should have, they're children. And I want to respond as such. Okay.

2:53 Right. This is my nine-year-old daughter sticking something in a light socket and getting shocked and me not running up and being like, "Why'd you do that?" But me running up and grabbing her and holding her and saying, "That was scary. I'm so sorry." [clears throat] And after her shoulders drop and she gets done crying, then I'm going to go squat all the way down to where I'm eye level with her next to the plug and say, "Hey, here's how this works. you I I I'm scared too because that could have killed you. You get what I'm saying? The lesson will come, the learning will come after the fight orflight response is over.

3:36 Okay? And so what those two 16-year-olds need is all of the adults in their life to act in the highest order of adulthood they can, which is y'all are children and you will have no bigger support network than us.

3:50 Okay. Okay. And you're about to get the most amazing gift on the planet, which is a grandkid.

3:58 In one of the most expecting that, you're right. In one of the most awful context possible right?

4:04 Yeah. All right. So, I'm going to put all this on the table in the most honest real way I can. And it's scary. Is that cool?

4:11 Yeah, absolutely. all of the data I have and this is somehow this became unp like not PC or whatever and until a group of people start talking publicly about this it's going to continue to be a shadowed secret. Um the chances of that your grandchild ending up in poverty is greatly increased by the situation with which he or she is being born into.

4:40 Right. Yeah, I can I can understand that. Having a very tough road to like a very tough road ahead.

4:47 Very tough. And so we know that's coming our way. And so what we are going to do is we're going to fight like bloody hell so that this new grandbaby of ours will not become a statistic.

5:02 Absolutely. or no, it will become a statistic, but it's going to be in the the other side of the of the equation, the very small statistic that is so sh like showered in support and love and care. We're going to do everything we can. Okay.

5:18 Absolutely. Is how's that resonate with you? Yeah, it it um it definitely hits home and I can I can uh completely appreciate what you're saying. Um, yeah, I want to be as supportive as I can and and I know that uh my son's um mother wants to be supportive as well, but we're both trying to wrap our heads around the whole situation and how's this going to work logistically. I mean, they they've both got another year of high school and um you know, my son, he's he's had ADHD his whole life. He was diagnosed from an early age. And um you know, his mom and I have always tried to help him, you know, with whatever supports we could. Um, he's had lots of therapy. He's on, um, you know, a medication that works pretty well for him nowadays. Um,

6:07 okay. But let's back out. He didn't have sex because he has ADHD. No. And he didn't have sex because you somehow failed.

6:17 Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No, I I see what you're saying. Um, let that sink in for a second. You didn't quote unquote fail your kid.

6:33 Mhm. Your kid had sex really young and a consequence of having sex sometimes as a child.

6:42 Okay. Right. But you didn't you didn't fail him. Would you have done anything to prevent this? Absolutely. But this isn't somehow you didn't somehow like there's not a report card that's going to come in the mail on being a dad and you got an F.

7:03 Okay. Yeah. And so if you walk around with this big cinder block of shame in your backpack as my new identity as a dad is I'm a failure. What that all that's going to do is weigh down the next right thing that you need to do as a new granddad and as a overly supportive father.

7:31 Right. Right. And um let me let me get I want to free you on this. Okay. You have no bad feelings here.

7:42 You have no bad thoughts here. What does that mean? Dude, you can be driving to work tomorrow and just pounding your steering wheel in anger, in frustration, in heartbreak because you know how hard the road is going to be for your 16-year-old son moving forward. You know this.

8:01 Yeah. Okay. You all of those thoughts, all those feelings are right and good. So, when you have thoughts, when you have feelings, don't beat yourself up over, well, if I was a real supportive dad, I wouldn't be thinking this. or if I was a really good almost future granddad, I wouldn't be feeling this. Don't let your mind create stories around these feelings. Your feelings are right, man. They're right.

8:30 Yeah. Okay. What what matters here in these like everything is different moments is what are you going to do next?

8:41 Absolutely. Yeah. And if there is a possibility, some some adult has to step up and lead this thing. And so I'm anointing you, right? Um somebody has to get your new wife, your ex-wife, and hopefully this 16-year-old girl's terrified, scared single mother in a room.

9:01 Mhm. And say, "Here's how we're going to support our two children, and here's how we're going to support this new child coming into the world." And we're all struggling to make it financially and this is going to be hard on all of us.

9:16 Yeah. And if that means that 16-year-old girl needs to be under your roof for a season, then so be it. Because I'm playing a 10-year game now. I'm playing a 20-year game now, not a what's right tonight kind of thing.

9:31 I see. And if that single mom has a cascade of boyfriends coming in and out of her house and you are able to say, "Hey, this 16-year-old girl is not going to be in a good situation, and especially my grandbaby is not going to be in a good situation. Um, here's what I'm going to offer up here. And with all due respect, your son's, your 16-year-old son, his goals and his aspirations are going to be different now." And if this feels overwhelming, it is. It's a lot.

10:04 Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I was I was not expecting to hear that news. No. Um at the age I am.

10:14 Yeah. No parents. And and and we don't have a a precedent for this in our in either of our families. Um either either my my family or my ex-wife's family. Um for you know um a a kid having their own kid this young. So we don't really have a road map for you know what lies ahead. We don't have relatives we can speak to and get their experience or anything because you know we're [clears throat] pioneers in a strange way within our family.

10:44 That is the greatest picture I've ever heard painted of what you're experiencing right now. It's beautifully said and let me tell you my personal when I'm faced with a situation that I have no roadmap for. When I my my mother was a teacher, my dad was a policeman and became a teacher. My wife was a teacher and a professor. When I left the university system, it's basic education was all I knew. I was a high school teacher. I did elementary school one year and I was worked at universities for 20.

11:14 When I left to go be a YouTuber or a podcaster, I had no no one in my family knew what that meant. And so, you know what me and my wife did? We went back to first principles. Who are we going to be first?

11:28 And we need to make sure we anchor into that. And so you as the guy who's got the machete heading off into the woods now having to carve a new path that you don't even know where we're going. It is coming back to here's who we're going to be. We will support you. We will be right alongside you and we're always always going to tell you the truth. And you're 16, so we're still your parents for at least two more years,

11:57 right? And we are going to make sure you have a roof on over your head until this date. And PlayStation, bye, Felicia. You will not have time for video games for at least the next three years, 5 years, 10 years. Right? So there's there it's not like we're just going to abdicate our parenting,

12:16 right? And by the way, this isn't like y'all we're not just going to like be like, "All right, well, y'all are sexually active now." Nope. We're going to we're going to create some pretty firm boundaries here.

12:26 Yeah. Right. So, we're we're going to go back to first principles now that we're about to head off on an unknown adventure. Who are we going to be wherever we end up?

12:37 I see. And your 16-year-old has to not only know that, but his brain doesn't know enough to know stuff. He's got to feel that

12:50 that my dad is disappointed. But more underneath the disappointment is my dad is scared because my dad knows data. My dad knows how hard it's been being a dad himself when he had a job and and two co-parents with uh new wife and ex-wife.

13:06 Yeah. And I'm not disappointed in you. You didn't fail me, but man, you picked a really hard hard path. And so you're going to get a lot of support and you're going to get it whether you want it or not.

13:21 Definitely. And here's what your here's what your end goal, not your end goal, your first short-term goal is. Number one, we're going to keep that baby in a safe environment as best as we possibly can manage. And if if if her mom says screw you guys, you're going to have to navigate that and it might end up y'all going to court for custody. I mean, this thing can get messy, right? The goal after that is the day my son turns 18. I don't want him thinking I have to get out of here. Even if getting an apartment, if he chooses to stay with this girl and they choose to get married, if they choose to do that, we're going to sit at the table again and be like, "Y'all are entering into the next hardest thing, which is being married at 8 freaking teen.

14:08 I will be your number one fan. Yeah. Right. Right. And dude, that means you're going to spend a lot of time in the car sobbing. This is going to be hard.

14:32 Yeah. Yeah, it has been really hard. I just I haven't I hadn't really known the best way to approach it. I mean, um, you know, tried to tried to reassure him and and and and offer my support, but my words feel a bit empty because I I'm kind of scared myself and um, you know, I I don't know what's ahead. So,

14:54 so say that cuz your son can feel that. Okay. Take him out to breakfast and say, "Here's the deal. Number one fan, number one support will be me. Ride or die. You and me. You're my son. And I'm really scared because I know how hard the road is ahead of you.

15:13 Okay? And for the next few years when you quote unquote become a man and you start raising kids, there's a lot of that that's out on your own. You've had to figure out how to be divorced and be a good co-parent, right? You've had to figure all that stuff out. Going whose house and what holidays. You've had to navigate all that and it's awful.

15:32 You had to navigate telling your kids, "Hey, guess what? You're getting a new mom in the house." Like you had to navigate all that. You've been through hard stuff before.

15:39 Yeah, for sure. But for the time being, you got to tell your 16-year-old son, I'm still your dad. You're still a teenager, and I'm going to still be one step ahead of you as we're both navigating this crazy new future. And my goal is when you turn 18, my goal is when you turn 19, 20, that as you head off on your own, I've at least tramped the grass down in front of you where you're walking because you got a hard path.

16:02 Definitely. Yeah. And if you're a real gangster father, you'll grab your son by his face and you'll look at the 16-year-old like becoming a young man kid and say, "I will love you till the end of time. And I'm going to say the wrong thing. I'm going to get mad sometimes. I'm going to get frustrated sometimes. I'm going to challenge you sometimes." Do not ever forget I love you till the end of time.

16:33 Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. 100%. And if you've never had a man, like if your dad didn't say that to you, all of this will be new. All of this will be awkward. And that's your next right move. But let's rally the adults. Let's go to first principles. Who are we going to be as this thing happens? Then let's bring those scared to death teenagers into the room and say, "We are on your side for y'all's sake and for this baby's sake. And we're not going to rush y'all into getting married. We're not going to rush into this, but we are going to rally around because we have a new grandbaby coming and we want to be joyful when this baby arrives. We don't want this baby arriving in a cloud of disappointment and sadness and gh want this baby to be just overwhelmed with how much it's loved. And we still got to be your parents because y'all are kids.

17:30 Every step of the way is going to be hard. But we're going to be right there with you.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "My Teen Son Just Got His Girlfriend Pregnant (What Now?)"?

Dr. John Delony (Host), Unknown Caller (Guest).

What is "My Teen Son Just Got His Girlfriend Pregnant (What Now?)" about?

A father navigates the challenges of his teenage son's girlfriend's unexpected pregnancy, seeking guidance on how to support his son while managing his own feelings of worry and guilt. He emphasizes the importance of co-parenting and fostering a supportive environment for both teens as they approach this significant life change.

How long is "My Teen Son Just Got His Girlfriend Pregnant (What Now?)"?

The episode runs 18 min; the transcript is about 3,008 words in 54 timestamped sections.

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