Transcript

Supporting My Wife’s Comedy Career Is Stressing Me Out

From The Dr. John Delony Show · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 16 min · 3,028 words · 61 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Supporting My Wife’s Comedy Career Is Stressing Me Out", an episode of The Dr. John Delony Show published December 19, 2025 (16 min, about 3,028 words). It mentions 13 people, works and ideas, including Rescuing/fixing partner’s emotions (codependent dynamic), Checkpoint / end-date planning, Marriage teamwork / “same team” framing, Comedy club, Commission-based compensation.

What this episode is about

A husband struggles to communicate his financial anxieties about supporting his wife's burgeoning stand-up comedy career while ensuring he doesn't dampen her passion and success. He reflects on the challenges of their decision for her to leave a steady job as a preschool teacher to pursue entertainment more seriously, all while navigating the unpredictable nature of income in the industry.

Key takeaways

  • Honesty is gold: Speak candidly with compassion; it's a math problem, not an emotional blame game.
  • Joint dream strategy: Prioritize family finances together, spotlighting shared dreams and partnership resilience.
  • Define checkpoints: Set re-evaluation and adaptation milestones; refresh strategies when reality mercilessly mocks predictions.
  • Praise her role: Acknowledge her non-financial contributions; validation curtails guilt and fuels marital strength.
  • When cars disappear: Life's unpredictability—budgeting can’t cover all; your love transcends this chaos.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 12:00: Conflict is connection
  2. – 15:00: Shame spiral

Notable quotes from "Supporting My Wife’s Comedy Career Is Stressing Me Out"

  • Conflict is connection. It's actually a good thing.
    about Conflict is connection · at
  • Yeah. and I get to be stressed and I don't want you to take that into a shame spiral or take that into a well then you have to fix it or you got to quit everything and get a job. Some days I'm just frustrated and that's okay.
    about Shame spiral · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

Companies & orgs

Concepts & topics

Places & events

  • March — Place · 1 mention

Full transcript with timestamps

How can I tell my wife I'm struggling with financial pressures without discouraging her dream career?

So, uh, tell me more. Yeah, absolutely. So, I'm I married love my life two years ago. Uh, she's an entertainer and uh, in the last year alone, she's had some pretty good and pretty great success. Uh, before that, she was a

Let me break in here. it just because of the nature of this show. What does entertainer mean?

Uh, she is a stand-up comedian. Okay. All right. Not a dancer. Okay. All right. Good. Okay. So, she's going to be a comic or or a musician or whatever. Okay. Cool. All right.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, she's had some great success in the last year and it's been really fun to watch. Before that, she was a preschool teacher for a few years and uh she walked away from that uh because my wife was born with some medical complications that affect her heart, kidneys, and some other stuff. And uh basically the kids' germs made her sick, but due to her health bill, it made the sickness kind of just that much worse. Mhm.

So then my wife and I sat down and uh we prayed and talked it out thoroughly and agreed to have her work uh pretty part-time and and pursue her career more seriously so she can just worry less about her medical health. Uh have the day to rest if she needs it and

her her career as a as a comic as a comedian. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And uh and it's and that's come with uh some expected pressures like that expected but uh I'm just having a hard time managing how to deal uh with some of those pressures in terms of when I express like oh man this is um cuz with entertainment income's just kind of a little bit less predictable.

Yeah. Everyone in entertainment myself included is uh on 100% commission right. So you do as you eat as well this month as you made last month, right?

Yeah. Exactly. Every month is a new month. So I'm going to run back what happened in my house and you tell me how um now the advantage I had was I'd been married a lot longer than you two have and my wife had been and I had been through tons of ups and downs and almost breakups and almost I mean some really great years. So, I' I've got a whole bunch of scars and wisdom, but here's what the conversation happened in our house. I moved us across the country for my dream job at a university that was going to set our entire family up. And it did. It was amazing. And I loved my university.

I loved my co-workers. I loved the job. And then I had an opportunity to leave everything I'd worked for for 20 years to come work in media.

Yeah. Public speaking, writing, this show, everything. Right. And I was transitioning from a really firm salary, benefits, kids, college taken care of, like all that stuff taken care of to, hey, we're going to transition to this 100% commission thing, right?

Mhm. And so we sat down together and came up with a game plan for all right, how much money does it take for us to live every month?

Yeah. How much money is my wife going to have to go back to work for a season? How are we going to contract our expenses? is until this thing gets moving.

Yeah. And um so that was a that was a we were really calculated and then the most important thing I think was what is an end date that we will sit down and re revisit this when we can both say this isn't working.

Yeah. And so tell me how many of those conversations did you have other than I got to get out of teaching and I want to really do this thing and then you want to be a supportive new husband and go yeah go do it. Like how many of those detailed conversations did y'all have?

We we've had all of them actually. So So where's the pressure coming from? Uh it's really just based on like the unexpected, I guess. So like, you know, I mentioned health earlier. Sometimes it just we budgeted uh we're both big fans of you know the Ramsay group and we budgeted a certain amount for unexpected but it's just uh we've had some things like our one of our cars got stolen and uh just another thing. So it's complicated things and it's gone beyond what we even budgeted for. Mh.

Uh, and just also simply sometimes when I express that, hey, like it's just a like I'm picking up some side hustles to basically make up for that. And uh, sometimes when I feel like I'm expressing all this, uh, I feel like my wife's she b she almost feels bad like she's not doing enough to contribute to the marriage. And I don't really sometimes know how to handle that because I I she is she does a lot of things to replace what she did at the school. like she cleans, she keeps her home really nice and and all these other things that I can't do because I'm at the office and I'm I make it a pretty conscious effort to tell her every day that um I really appreciate that you're doing this and and keeping busy. Uh, but sometimes I feel like still there's something that like triggers her to feel like she's still feeling like she's not doing enough or and and I just uh I feel like sometimes it's hard for me to

express like, oh yeah, we're kind of in a tough situation and I I wish X Y and Z had not happened, but we're here and I I sometimes feel like it's taken as oh like I I'm not doing enough.

Sure. Well, there there's I hear three big issues. Okay. Number one is the most frustrating yet the most simple and that is the math problem.

Mhm. Do you'all make enough money to cover your bills? Do you make enough money to eat and keep your house, keep transportation, and keep your keep your lights on? Right. Keep heat in the house. Right. So, that's number one. And that's a math problem that y'all have to work out depending on how you live and where you live and all those kind of things, right? So, that's number one.

Number two is there is a and every new married couple I know struggles with this. So, you're not you're not crazy. It took me 15 years and almost breaking up my marriage to get to this point. And so, if you can do this now, it will transform everything. And that is I need to be able to you both need to be able to say the thing that you're feeling

and not take full responsibility for the other person's response to that. And the other person needs to be able to say what they're feeling and you catch your body before it runs to fight or flight.

Gotcha. Right. So, I need to be able to say we agreed on this thing and it sucks right now. Both are true.

And I I I've started going to the com I go to the club over here. Every single week I'm there doing sets. I know firsthand how awesome it feels when you have a night that crushes.

Yeah. And I also know coming home when I didn't do so great. my new jokes weren't as funny as I thought they were when I was telling them them to myself in the shower. Right. So, I it's a it's up and down

and some nights you make good money and sometimes you make no money and sometimes, you know, like somebody promises you and it doesn't come through. All that's part of it, but y'all the the bigger conversation is not about feelings or I'm not doing enough or or or it is hey, we're two years into being married. We are always going to be anchored together. we're on the same team.

Mhm. And she needs permission to say, "I feel like I'm failing us." And you need permission to a say, "Well, I want you to know I agreed to this and I'm fully on your team and it's messy right now and I'm still allin."

And also, you have to decide, I'm not going to rescue her from her own feelings cuz I can't.

Okay, that makes sense. and vice versa that you can say, "I'm working my third side hustle because she quit her job and she's trying to be a comedian, which is a tough road to hoe, right? I mean, a tough road to ho. It's it's hard. And you get to be frustrated on your third shift of the day." And she has to exhale into, "We both agreed on this. We both shook hands and said, "Let's go. Let's go try to burn the world down together."

And he gets to be frustrated. Both are true. And she's not gonna try to rescue you because, by the way, she can't rescue you.

Yeah. And you can't rescue her from her feelings right? I agree. And so that's that's the meta I say meta, it's the it's the foundational conversation. Can we both say what we're experiencing right now and still go do the next right thing and both of us not try to bail each other out?

Okay, instead of I'm going to sit in the tension. Remember this line. Conflict is connection. It's actually a good thing. Yeah. Okay. And

that that's probably something we both uh need to keep growing into. Yes. Especially just being young pretty

confictable. Everyone's Yeah. You're conflict avoidant. And when you do anything as a newly married person and your and your spouse feels frustrated, sad annoyed. It's what you love her. You don't want her to be frustrated. So you go run in there and try to fix it.

Yeah. And what you're communicating to her is I don't think you can do the next right thing, so let me do it for you.

Mhm. And vice versa. And then you get in this figure eight dance right? Yeah. Completely.

Where you chase her and she chases you, you try to fix her, and then she turns around, tries to fix you. And then in the middle where y'all cross, you you have like a great night of passionate sex. You're like, "Oh, we're back." And then the next morning it's like, "Do you have any gigs this week?" "I don't have any gigs." "Oh, okay. Well, I'll work more shifts." I don't want you to. And now we're back to the dance again.

Yeah. Right. Okay. And here's the here's the third big one. Can I give you the third big one and then jump and then jump in with any questions? Here's the third big one.

People can do anything anything go through any kind of hardship if there's an end date to it. Mhm.

And y'all have to trying this new adventure is and let me say this way just as it comes to being a comic. I want there to be more comedians. The thing we need more than anything in the world is a truth tellers and b places where they make you put your phones away and have a shared human experience with other people and everyone just laughs. Right.

Yeah. Behind an orgasm, laughter. Good laughter is the most stress relieving. Like ah right. 100%.

And so I want your wife to succeed, but it's hard. And so is there an end date? And for everybody listening, this is I want to start my own mechanic shop. I want to start a power washing business. I want whatever business you want to start. We have to put some checkpoints on the calendar for when we're going to sit down and sober minded say, "How is this going?"

Mhm. Cuz here's what I've seen happen a bunch. Yeah. She's gonna actually be doing this and she's not going to like all of the other parts of comed comic life,

right? Yeah. The booking, the business, the media, the jokew writing. Everybody loves to be on stage for 10 minutes making an audience die laughing. That's like a high that few people can can understand.

But that's not the job. That's part of the job. Yeah. It's a it's a business creation yourself. And so I can see her not liking this, but realizing, oh, I

quit my job and now my husband's doing this, so I have to keep doing a thing I don't like. And then you're like, I gotta keep doing this. And again, you get in this dance, right? So saying, in three months, we're going to revisit it. In six months, we're going to revisit it.

And all we're looking for is are we hitting our numbers? Are we how many how many new jokes do you have? How many gigs do you have? Is this thing is this thing actually is a train actually slowly moving out of the station?

Yeah. And that's interesting you say that because March is our going to be our our check-in because it gets us through a pretty busy season for comedy at least from what I know. So that's uh okay. I was just kind of I was kind of wondering if if that like if that was in a way like unrealistic to set those no

benchmark. You have to have you have to have those and it doesn't mean that you're having good shows. It doesn't mean that you're making a whole bunch of money or anything like that.

Mhm. But part of the check-in is do you still want to do this? Yeah. And it's like give her permission to say gh I hate actually hate the whole the entirety of this job.

Yeah. Right. And but the the conversation that you need to have soon like tonight or tomorrow is this.

And here's how I would phrase it and you can take you can take whatever version of this you want to use or none of it. I would sit down with my wife and say this. I wish I'd had these tools in year two,

and that is this. I'm so happy that we made this choice for you to go into comedy and to quit your job and to go full force into this. And I find myself on the days that you are struggling with new jokes or you didn't get the gig or one didn't go so well, I'm struggling trying to bail you out of those emotions. Okay.

And I want to let you I want to let you own your own feelings followed by I need permission. I want to have permission. I I don't say permission like in a mom and dad kind of way, but I want this our marriage is blessing to be able to come home after working my third shift, which I signed up for and I'm happy to do,

but I also have I get to be frustrated certain days. Yeah. and I get to be stressed and I don't want you to take that into a shame spiral or take that into a well then you have to fix it or you got to quit everything and get a job. Some days I'm just frustrated and that's okay.

Yeah, it's I signed up lifelong for this thing. So yeah, but you didn't sign up lifelong to be married to a comedian. You signed up or to somebody who's trying to start a small business. You signed up to be her ride or die, which means you all decide these things together.

Oh, 100%. Right. Mhm. But it's it's being able to come home and be like, "Man, today was awful."

Yeah. And I I hate working three jobs, but I love supporting you. Right. Those are those are it's a both and.

Yep. Yeah, it definitely does work that that way. It's uh and I appreciate that. I really do.

It's awesome. Well, brother, I mean, I wish I wish you guys the best. I wish her the best. Um I have no idea who she is because obviously this is a pseudonym on the show. it's not your real name. And um if we happen to cross paths at the local club here in town, tell her to come up and say hi to me cuz I would love to encourage her and uh and uh cheer her on. It's awesome, brother. Thank you for being a husband that's walking alongside his wife um helping her follow her dream. It's getting to that I I have permission in my house.

It's a I I it's a good and right thing for me to feel my feelings and then go do the next right thing. And I want to be able to share those things without each of us trying to bail each other out from discomfort. Connection is found in conflict. And that's a great thing for all married people.

Questions about this episode

What is "Supporting My Wife’s Comedy Career Is Stressing Me Out" about?

A husband struggles to communicate his financial anxieties about supporting his wife's burgeoning stand-up comedy career while ensuring he doesn't dampen her passion and success. He reflects on the challenges of their decision for her to leave a steady job as a preschool teacher to pursue entertainment more seriously, all while navigating the unpredictable nature of income in the industry.

What is mentioned in this The Dr. John Delony Show episode?

13 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Rescuing/fixing partner’s emotions (codependent dynamic), Checkpoint / end-date planning, Marriage teamwork / “same team” framing, Comedy club, Commission-based compensation, Media Industry. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Supporting My Wife’s Comedy Career Is Stressing Me Out"?

The episode runs 16 min; the transcript is about 3,028 words in 61 timestamped sections.

More from The Dr. John Delony Show

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 19, 2025.