Transcript

#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions

From Watch What Crappens · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 41 min · 8,311 words · 116 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions", an episode of Watch What Crappens published December 18, 2025 (41 min, about 8,311 words). It mentions 82 people, works and ideas, including Jane Austen, Venita, Shep, Damasio Paige, Olivia Rodrigo.

What this episode is about

In this recap of Southern Charm, the discussion revolves around the fiasco surrounding a Christmas Eve coffee cake made by Craig's grandmother, highlighting the comedic expectations and disappointments tied to family recipes. As the episode unfolds, the group humorously critiques the cake's quality and the significance of proper nicknames for Southern grandmothers, ultimately reflecting on the lighter moments leading up to Craig's Memorial Day pool party.

Key takeaways

  • A dry cake means a poor nameless grandma—Mima or Gigi might bake it better.
  • Craig's party equals zero umbrellas; nobody’s hiding under a slurpee machine, Jack!
  • Pina colada fail: Craig's eyeballing skills sabotage the consistency, party credibility plummets.
  • Mystery pizzel maker: more intrigue than any sizzling soap rivalry.
  • Shep's got enough flag apparel to start a one-man Fourth of July parade.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Pina Colada, Sewing Down South, Sewing Down South sweatpants
  2. – 10:00: Audrey, American flag, Watch What Happens Live
  3. – 15:00: Audrey, Fantastic Sams, Supercuts, Venita
  4. – 20:00: Olivia Rodrigo, Venita, Whitner, Pina Colada
  5. – 25:00: Venita, Olivia Rodrigo, Whitner, American flag
  6. – 30:00: Venita
  7. – 35:00: Dum Dums, Lisa Cathro, Olivia Rodrigo, Venita
  8. – 40:00: Aaron McNicholas, AJ Lopez, Allison Block, Amanda Foster
  9. – 40:36: Melissa St. Rose, Rebecca Cloud, Sarah Lemi, Sarah Tal of Sun

Notable quotes from "#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions"

  • Coladas. He's What are the chances this works? Zero. You will not make a pina colada and I will bet my life on it.
    about Pina Colada · at
  • I feel like I am nice to Craig cuz I wear my Sewing down south sweatpants all over the place cuz they are incredibly comfortable. And so in that way I advertise his product and I think that's very nice of me. But I.
    about Sewing Down South · at
  • So chef has enough things covered in the American flag. I'm really worried that chef's not going to be prepared for this. He sells flags with He sells flag hats.
    about American flag · at
  • I don't think that Craig is totally wrong. I think that Austin probably he wants to have Audrey. He likes Audrey. I think he likes Audrey enough. And I think that he likes what…
    about Audrey · at
  • Austin has apparently broken up with Audrey in real life. Spoiler alert. And Craig was on Watch What Happens Live and they're asking him Do you think Austin's happier? He's…
    about Watch What Happens Live · at
  • You to the bar, Molly. And so it's good to see that someone's working on this show. It's Whitner and the Bees. So Corey shows up [groaning] and they're all Hey Corey, everyone.…
    about Whitner · at
  • [clears throat] And Craig Venita's Yeah, I don't like Craig, but he invited me. And if I say, Hey, I'm not showing up. Then everyone's going to be You suck. But now what is he going to.
    about Venita · at
  • If I do like pin coladas so much, please bring them to me. So now Rodrigo and Tyler show up with Madison, and Madison's It's hot. And Tyler's I'll get you a [ __ ] a mocktail.
    about Olivia Rodrigo · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Jane Austen — Person · 22 mentions
  • Venita — Person · 16 mentions · first at
  • Shep — Person · 14 mentions
  • Damasio Paige — Person · 10 mentions
  • Olivia Rodrigo — Person · 8 mentions · first at
  • Whitner — Person · 7 mentions · first at
  • Audrey — Person · 3 mentions · first at
  • Benson Boone — Person · 2 mentions
  • Chef — Person · 1 mention · first at
    So, the chef gets an oyster and the waitress is That's a lemon sauce. That's going to be cocktail sauce. This is hot sauce. Okay, I get it.
  • Ronnie — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She's My brain is rotting as I say the all these words. I apologize, Ronnie.
  • Lisa Cathro — Person · 1 mention · first at
    I need Lisa Cathro to come in dressed like a cupcake and just go, I don't need to see that.
  • Dale Allison — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Watch what crapins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
  • Allison Block — Person · 1 mention · first at
    It's always a party on Allison Block.
  • Amanda Foster — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
  • Ashley Otto — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
  • Carly Clap — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
  • Chrissy Off — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Get on the right foot with Chrissy Off.
  • Diane Call — Person · 1 mention · first at
    We never miss her call. It's Diane call.
  • Dylan Clark — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Goautier.
  • Emily Goautier — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Goautier.
  • Aaron McNicholas — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickus.
  • Hava Ngila Weber — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Heidi Eleanor Jones — Person · 1 mention · first at
    You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go. We all go for Hugo.
  • Jennifer Messer — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer.
  • Jessica Trot — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trot.
  • Caroline Peacock — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.
  • Lacy B. K. — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacy B. K. Sarra. Whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy is Maisy.
  • Lauren Silsby — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacy B. K. Sarra. Whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino…
  • Lindsay D. — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Sarra. Whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy is Maisy Mckenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
  • Lisa Lino — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Silsby. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy is Maisy Mckenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
  • Maisy Mckenry — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Silsby. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy is Maisy Mckenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
  • Tina Desert Berg — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Lindsay D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a Daisy is Maisy Mckenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
  • Michelle Vivian — Person · 1 mention · first at
    This is Living with Michelle Vivian.
  • Olivia Williamson — Person · 1 mention · first at
    I love a ya. Olivia Williamson. She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
  • Jessa Savannah — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Yes, we can. It's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.
  • Shannon Spellman — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Yes, we can. It's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.
  • Sharon Eldridge — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Yes, we can. It's Savannah. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. Darn Skippy, it's Tippy.
  • AJ Lopez — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Amanda V — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She's VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
  • Amy Baldwin — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She's VIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Companies & orgs

  • Sewing Down South — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Watch What Happens Live — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Fantastic Sams — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah, I think so. Maybe also a representative from Fantastic Sams or Supercuts because that haircut. We need to revise it. Okay. You're not Benson Boon. You're not Benson Boon. You're more like Benson Bu. Get out of here. So.
  • Supercuts — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah, I think so. Maybe also a representative from Fantastic Sams or Supercuts because that haircut. We need to revise it. Okay. You're not Benson Boon. You're not Benson Boon.…
  • Southern Charm — Company · 1 mention · first at
    Yeah. So there you go. That was Southern Charm everybody.
  • Watch What Crappens — Company · 1 mention

Products & tech

  • Pizzelle maker — Product · 6 mentions
  • Sewing Down South sweatpants — Product · 1 mention · first at
    I feel like I am nice to Craig cuz I wear my Sewing down south sweatpants all over the place cuz they are incredibly comfortable. And so in that way I advertise his product and I think that's very nice of me. But I.
  • Dum Dums — Product · 1 mention · first at
    Though. She goes, Is that your favorite dum? The sucker. I love blue raspberry dum dums. Wow. Wow.

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

what happens when there's so much crap. Who cares what happens when there's so much that Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode.

So then we go to Craig's house. I mean, but I don't think that that works really cuz on Bravo, no one expects you to eat.

I just feel like there was so much buildup about that cake. Like we got a whole story about that the cake was from grandma and grandma used to make it and we she would serve it every Christmas Eve and so she's making it now even though it's summer. But it's like their Christmas Eve coffee cake and they all put it together and they quiz like how many ounces in a cup. Oh, and it's all coming together and now we're watching it. They both put it in the oven and then we just never see how it turns out. Like you got to

I think the cake sucks and that's why. And they didn't want to hurt the feelings of the grandma because look, let me tell you one thing. I don't trust a southern grandmother who's not named. Mima Mimmer Mimi Mama Gigi Gam Grang or Pong Pong. I'm just not going to trust it. No, there's no just grandma. I have It's my grandma's. No, it's your mimosas, your mama's, your meme, your mimis, or your GG's. Come on.

It's It was clearly a shitty cake that was dry and stuck to the pan. Yeah. So then your your grandma would have been a better baker had she had a cuter grandma nickname. Fair. I said it. It's kind of your fault that the cake sucked. Okay. That's why no one ever typed it. That's why no one ever typed it out.

Mhm. [clears throat] So now we're at Craig's house and it's 2 hours. I turned into brain. Yep. One thing that we have to admit is that it was just not a good cake.

That's it. 2 hours before Craig's Memorial Day pool party from when we were little and people are setting up and Craig is like, "Jack, we don't have a lot of shade, Jack." And so he sets up like an umbrella, which becomes a point of contention later on for Madison that there not enough umbrellas. Well, it's a good point. I mean, you have a big backyard party and there's no umbrellas. Hello. What are they going to hide under your slurpee machine? Come on now. And Jack's not very helpful either. Craig's like, "Uh, why don't we have any shade?"

And Jack just goes, "Well, I mean, people will be in the pool." Okay, Jack. You're not helping. Okay, the pool was already here. Assistant, think ahead. Jackerson.

Jack, are you getting in the pool? No, you're not. Well, then now you've shown not everyone's getting in the pool.

Get some shade. Jack got loser. So, um, Craig is going to make some pina coladas. He's like, "What are the chances this works?" Zero. You will not make a pina colada and I will bet my life on it.

I promise. Yeah, because he's not going to follow the instructions. It's going to have because a machine like that, I'm sure the mix has a specific instruction. You need a certain like proportion of alcohol to ice in order for it to get the right consistency. And Craig is just going to eyeball it and just pour it in there. We all know it. [clears throat] We all know. And we actually got a a an email this week from somebody asking us very nicely. It was a very sweet email, but someone saying, "You guys, you know, you're so mean to Craig. Could you be a little nicer to Craig? I thought about it long and hard. And by that I mean 5 seconds. No. No. And this is why. Look at this scene. Look at this man ruin the art of the pina colada and then tell me to be nicer.

Yes. No. Yes. I I feel like I am nice to Craig cuz I wear my um Sewing down south sweatpants all over the place cuz they are incredibly comfortable. And so in that way I advertise his product and I think that's very nice of me. But um uh but I cannot endorse this sort of party throwing. Okay, we will give Craig his we'll give Craig his due for the things he's due for. His arms look better than ever. He looks great. Um but he's he's failing on the party throwing front. I'm sorry. Without Paige, this is this is this is not a good party. He's not good at making slushies. Oh, I have a question to the the world. Um, some someone sent me a pel a pizzel maker and I don't know where it came from or who sent it. Does anyone know?

I love that you get mystery stroop waffle pretty I'm asking this because we're talking about the the the slushy machine. It made me think of like kitchen things. Pazelle Maker just arrived and no card, no email from anyone. It just says here and I just want to thank whoever sent it. Thank you. Cuz I'm going to make stroop I'm going to make stroop waffles in it.

Yeah, that's a really sweet gift. Um so then we go to um the party set up. Heated rivalry was boring and stupid. Free pizzel maker. Now that's hot. He's like now that got me to jack off. I was jacking off all over that thing.

That's Ben's that's Ben's heated rivalry. It's like the buildup of waiting for a mystery gift that you just

That's a bazelle maker. Yeah. pizza, whatever. It doesn't matter. So, um the party is set up now. People start arriving. Chef is first. And uh he's like a dad. He sees a package on the uh stoop and he picks it up and like looks it over, kind of shakes it, looks it up at the light, makes sure the address is right. He's like, "Hm, guess this is for Craig. I guess I'll take that in." Yes, Dad. Bring it in. It's on my stoop. So, Craig, I think someone got you a pizzel maker. So Craig is like, "Whoa, that's actually a bathing suit."

Like, "Oh, wow. Well, mine didn't come. Mine comes tomorrow." Oh gosh. So chef has enough things covered in the American flag. I'm really worried that chef's not going to be prepared for this. He sells flags with He sells flag hats.

He'll be fine. He will be fine. So they're putting on bathing suits and stuff and Chef and Craig puts on his and Chef is like, "Hey, there he is. He looks good." Hey, so I spoke to Austin on the phone yesterday. Oh, you did? Was it good or bad? Rated on one to 10 and how cool he thinks he he is right now. And then we go back to um Shep sitting on the stairs and he's and Austin's like, I mean, Greg is the guy that keeps THINGS IN HIS BACK POCKET and waits for you to piss him off. And then he's like, oh yeah, well, I know this and this and this about you.

And then it's like, whoa, man. That's like not a friend. That's like not a friend at all. S right now. I wish I was an editor so I could insert the clip of Austin and Craig both um ragging on Shep when they were out of town and they were at that bowling alley and they were talking about how Shep was just on his girlfriend the whole time.

Yep. Yep. Cuz Austin's victimhood is making me cra I mean it's not really making me crazy. It's actually kind of funny that they're always like this. They just take turns. It's like they're a threeperson housewives cast every season. They're like, "All right, who are we who are we going to get this year? Let's just rag on them the whole year until we break them down." Horri, don't do it.

They are kind of like a really compelling trio. I mean, they are so toxic to each other, but they're all there. They always come back to each other, but they all take like every season, each one of them takes on a different role. It's always the same three roles, but they like shuffle the deck and hand out the new roles again every season. It's always fun to see how it plays out.

Yeah. So, um Craig's like, "Look, I wish I didn't freak out, but like, okay, fine. I'll say sorry again. Cheese." But like in my opinion, he's jealous he can't come get in the hot tub and party with the girls. And I'm like, "Dude, you're dating a girl that you don't even see yourself getting married to." So, I'm like not going to be very patient with that. I don't think that Craig is totally wrong. I think that Austin probably he wants to have Audrey. He likes Audrey. I think he likes Audrey enough. And I think that he likes what how Audrey makes him feel like he's growing up and maturing as a person. But I think Austin definitely wants to like hang out with girls in a hot tub and be flirtatious and kind of like ride that line. And the problem is you have someone like Craig who keeps calling him out like you're just hanging out. You're not supposed to be doing that in the hot tub. So now he

can't do it cuz before it was sort of like everyone would just sort of look the other way and like Austin would just be flirtatious but he could get away with it. But then like now Craig is calling him out for it. So now he can't even do that. So he's like yeah he's mad. He's mad. blowing up his jollies.

I agree. He's not mad that he has a girlfriend. He's mad that you're calling him out for like wanting to cheat on his girlfriend. And that's not what friends are supposed to do. You're supposed to invite him over to hot tubs to cheat and then not tell anybody about it. But that's the kind of friend group we're in and at least a frustration.

Yeah. And even if he doesn't even plan to cheat, he's I think he still just enjoys the flirtation and Craig is like making that not fun because Craig is like being righteous about it.

Yeah. So, um, Shep is like, "Here's what I think. Honestly, Austin wants a big apology from Craig for the past year and a half and the abandonment of their relationship." And, you know, now that Craig's having fun again, he wants Craig to come up and be like, "I was wrong. I SEE THE ERRORS OF MY WAYS." WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, BUDDY. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

I think that's right, too. I think that's actually 100% right. I have no faults with that. I think Austin totally wants to be like, "I told you. I want you to say I told you so. Why don't you acknowledge that I told you so? And Craig is not going to do that either.

But that's what they do. I mean, now Austin has apparently broken up with Audrey in real life. Spoiler alert. And Craig was on Watch What Happens Live and um they're asking him like, "Do you think Austin's happier?" He's like, "Yeah, because Austin like didn't even want a girlfriend in the first places, which was what I what I said all along." So let's see. They're just the same. They're so funny. So Shep goes, "I think there's a pathway for us to be friends again." Cuz he goes, "How do you think I got to?" Wait a second. This was friendship ending. No, I don't want it to be. Of course. I mean, I love the guy. I know you love him. God, I wish he had a pretty little freaking lip. That' just be the best. BUT HE DOESN'T. BUT I STILL love him. Yeah, but it's his [ __ ] coddling. Okay. Like, it happened. So what? What's he going to do? Did he Didn't he even say he's coming? And he's like, "No, he's not

coming." He's like, "He's not coming to the pool party." He starts like a little temper tantrum.

Craig, who needs the most coddling on this cast, is now complaining that Austin needs coddling. I mean, that's why he's so angry at Austin, too, cuz he's projecting, you know, he sees himself in Austin right now, and he doesn't like it cuz Craig needs more coddling than anyone on this cast. So, uh, yeah, this is just a classic projection. Well, he doesn't even go to he doesn't even travel in the middle of the week and he never even goes to Charlotte anymore. But now that we're having a middle of the week party, he's not going to come to our big summer pool party. I put noodles in the hot tub holes.

This is this is a uh this is not a strong argument. Like he never travels on the week, so now he's traveling on the week. It's because he actually wants to be back here in Charleston for Memorial Day weekend. He doesn't want to be with his girlfriend on the long weekend, so he's burning up the daytime trip. It's actually quite damning. It's quite damning that he's seeing Audrey on like non-prime days of Memorial Day weekend.

Yeah. So he can get back for Friday and Saturday. But it said Craig sees it as like some grand elusive scheme to avoid coming to the pool party, which is too.

I mean, it is. He doesn't He's He's punishing Craig, but um yeah. So he's like, "Oh god." So now, now he started our fight and I just hit him back with all this [ __ ] that he's been telling me for months. Don't get mad, Craig. Don't get mad because it's stupid. That's why. That's why

I just want you to repair whatever's damaged, Craig. Craig's like, "It's just so much [ __ ] energy, dude. Like, we can't change the [ __ ] past. Like, so what do we do?" Well, we go hand in hand and we say, "How can we be how can we get to a good place? I'm five hole from an American tail with my hat in my hand. I don't get it, but that's not going to happen because he's a grown ass [ __ ] adult, unlike me who's throwing a party from when we were little. [snorts and clears throat] So, they agree they're going to just try to have fun for the rest of the day. So, now other people come. Molly comes and he's like, "Well, the pina coladas aren't frozen yet."

Mhm. This will be sitting on the couch the whole time. Oh, really? They're not frozen yet. Oh, I'm sure they will be soon, Craig. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Talk about a truly heated rivalry. What about a frozen rivalry? That's what you need. So, um he's like, "But we got a full bar made with a bees honey over there. See them? They're bearding." Bearding. Um by the way, what are the odds came from the store?

What? Jack's poking his head up like, "What? Who's bearding? Who's bearding?" [clears throat] Like, "They're working. That's how hard they're working. By the way, I'll take you to the bar, Molly." And so um it's good to see that someone's working on this show. It's Whitner and the Bees. So Corey shows up [groaning] and um uh they're all like, "Hey Corey, everyone." And then Vanita shows up and she brought towels. That was her gift. She brought towels for everyone that she actually brought like a functional gift which was very nice. And then um should follow Corey wherever he goes. There should always be someone with towels.

Yeah, I I I think so. Maybe also a representative from Fantastic Sams or Supercuts because that haircut. We need to revise it. Okay. You're not Benson Boon. You're not Benson Boon. You're more like Benson Bu. Get out of here. So Craig is like, Bonita is clearly not my friend, but I'm always going to include everyone cuz I mean like what is it to me? I mean hopefully she comes and has a good time. I'm just big inclusive Greg. That's me. Except for all those other pool parties where I specifically don't invite one person. Every season he has a party where he's like, "I'm not inviting Austin." Right. Like, and I was gonna act like he's the bigger person.

Well, he did invite Austin though. Austin just didn't this time. Yeah. But last season he had a whole party. He had a whole day where he didn't invite Austin. That was a whole big plot point for last season. It was like, "You didn't invite me to your pool party, Craig." [clears throat]

And Craig uh Venita's like, "Yeah, you know, I don't like Craig, but he invited me. And if I say, "Hey, I'm not showing up." Then everyone's going to be like, "You suck. But now what is he going to talk about all night? Me sucking? No, I'm going to show up and I'm going to bring him a gift. So I win. Like you just lost 10 towels. I don't know what you

True, but you just spent like Al but it also just goes how it shows how charitable she is because she knows that Craig would never have thought to have a get towels for his pool party.

She's like, "Let me just do this. Paige is Paige isn't on this show anymore. I I'll be the one to bring the towels. He's not going to have towels for the guests.

It's either this or umbrella. That's funny. Uh, so Whitner is there, but he has to take a call because it's a work day and he works. So, um,

it's a Wednesday. Yeah, it's a Wednesday party. So, Charlie didn't realize until this moment.

Yeah. When is Memorial Day? A Monday. Always, right? Yeah. But like, and like I get it. Like I feel like Memorial Day weekend, people start to kind of check out on a Thursday, but Wednesday is pretty early for your pool party or late or late. Whatever it is, it's not timely. Yeah, it's not it's not a timely. Did you forget on Memorial Day what the day was the Memorial Day is? So, um uh Charlie and Sally come and you know they're talking about each other's shows uh clothes. Craig's like, "Wow, Charlie's got the plaid on." Yes. Like red, white, and blue. Wow. summer backyard parties when we were growing up. That's just how it was. Red, white, and blue.

Greg, they're also like that everywhere on Memorial Day. Craig, stop trying to make a nostalgia play for everything. Cuz that's like he's trying to seem cute. He used to be like, "Remember when we were kids and we' have like juice boxes? Like, wasn't that cute? Aren't I cute?" It's like, yes, this is not adult Memorial Day parties look exactly the same as when we were kids.

Exactly the same. So Charlie's like, "Yeah, well, you know, America." Sally's like, "I love America." "Well, do you like oysters, too?" And Sally's like, "Well, what kind of oysters?" He's like, "Um, they're from Nova Scotia." Can I tell you, you know what I love? On a hot, steamy day is an oyster when it's out of season in the backyard of Craig's house. Give me Give me six of them and then just take me to the hepatitis. Okay. Everyone knows

he May, the month of oysters. You would get hepatitis from a from an oyster at a Craig party for sure. But is that like an oyster thing? Hepatitis.

Uh that's one thing you can get. Um but they I think it's mainly just like uh the old adage is that you should only get oysters in months with Rs in them. At least that's what it used to be. But now there's a theory of like it's not really the same anymore cuz oysters are farmed. You can kind of get them year round, but they're biggest and plumpest in the yard months. Uh blah blah blah. But I think one adage that will always be good is don't have raw seafood at Craig's house in blazing hot heat. Don't do it.

Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crapens commercial. So, um, hey guys. I know everybody is curious. Let's check on check in on the pina colada machine. He's like, uh, the pin coladas aren't frozen yet.

And you're kind of the best runner. I mean, especially for a judgmental person on the couch who's just looking at that machine. I'm just looking at it. I'm like, this is never going to work. So, he's like, "Oh, yeah. I got them for you, Charlie." and they taste really good. And Phy's like, "Wait, I'm coming to the bar. I like pinina coladas. If I do like pin coladas so much, please bring them to me." So now Rodrigo and Tyler show up with Madison, and Madison's like, "It's hot." And Tyler's like, "I'll get you a [ __ ] a mocktail.

I'll bring it to you, girl." Yeah. And I can tell Paige hasn't been here. Look at this [ __ ] hole. It's disgusting.

I cracked up with that. I mean, it just looks like a guy's running the blaze. I mean, where's the umbrellas? What? No. Dig to Craig/Martha, whoever he wants to be today. But the woman's touch kind of left the building. I mean, look at that hot tub.

And we just got to the hot tub and the noodles are sticking out of the place at that.

Back to a frat party. Yeah. So, um, Sally says hi to her and everything and Madison walks over and like, "Oh my god, you look cute. You look cute." Like, "How's Eddie doing?" She's good. you know. So, um they're making small talk and then Madison is like, "So, hey Craig, did you just look at my boobs?"

He's like, "Probably, cuz they're like shiny and like glittery like when we were kids."

So, now Molly and Venita are talking uh with Rodrigo and Molly's like, "Oh my god, my spray tan is like sweating off my tits." And and they're telling, "Oh my god, don't rub it." So, she's like, "So, how do you feel about this selling Craig thing? Like, I mean, they seem to be besties. Like, I don't get what the [ __ ] the deal is. I mean, I heard she's like talking [ __ ] about my vagina, though. I don't like that. Out of nowhere. And Venita's like, "Wait, who did she say that to?" And Rodrigo's like, "To me." Hello. I'm on this cast, everyone.

So, we see flashback to Whitner's birthday party. And Sally whispers to Rodrigo like, "Hey, Molly got a new vagina and she got all the stuff." And she's like, "Who do you think is paying for it?" Huh? Who do you think? So then Venita's like, "Well, I did mention the fact that you had a little nip tuck." Well, Molly's like, "Well, so that's how she knows. You're acting like how did she know? That's you were the one who said it."

And then we see a flashback to two weeks ago. Venita being like, "She got her vagina redone. Who's funding that?" I mean, who's funding it? So Venita is totally caught here. So um Molly says, "Well, yeah, but like she's claiming like I have a boyfriend and that he bought it for me." Yeah, that also came from Venita. Sorry to break it to you. That's not going to come out today. But uh yeah, Venita also did that. And Rodrigo's like, "Um, did you tell her that? Did you did you tell her that?"

No, I said that someone paid for it, but I didn't say her boyfriend. So Rodrigo's like, "Yep, she did that one, too." And Molly's like, "I paid for um I paid for it out of my account in 2019, actually. Thank you very much." She's like, So Rodrigo's like, "So you're the one who's spreading all the all the falses." She goes, "Well, but I don't have a problem with saying yes, I did do that. It was me. Venita is um it's so fun watching Venita really try to do the reality star thing this season. You know, leading parties early, spreading gossip, doing the fake accountability thing. It's like fun to see our little our little baby trying to spread her wings. [gasps] So Rodrigo's like, um I mean, when I hear gossip about some girl's vagina, um I don't like consider that delicious. I mean, I think Venita's just being a shady [ __ ] because honestly, she brought it to Sally knowing that Sally has a big

mouth. So, what do you think's going to happen? Well, information that I got from a a source I that I trust was that Molly received a rejuvenation surgery that was paid for by a man.

You exploited my vagina. And Molly's like, well, I'm very open about things I get done, but like I just don't want to like tell the entire world that I got my labia cut off. Okay. Jeez. So, she's like, I mean, that's kind of [ __ ] up. Like, why you bring it up? She's like, yeah, well, talk to me about it. Talk to me. This is good. This is really good. She says, "Well, when you know, like she's going to bring that [ __ ] up." She goes, "Well, I didn't think that she was going to bring it up." But she's like, "You know, your friend though." Well, I didn't think she was going to bring it up that in that setting and I should have not have said it. So, I'm going to apologize to you and if I had an additional towel, I would have given it to you, but I gave them all to Greg. So, just very gently, I'll pinky promise that this is I won't do this again.

So, Molly lets it slide cuz she still likes her and she still needs people to go against Sally with her. So, she's like, "Well, I mean, it's obvious what she's doing, and she's going to do it to y'all, too, one day. I mean, no one's labia is safe in this group." Yeah, watch out everyone. Um, so Rodrigo's like, "Whatever." So, we see people chucking oysters and stuff and Whitner takes a call and he's like, "Um, yeah hello business business business. Let's pencil the first week of June in and we'll get back to you guys."

Okay, bug. Yeah, work. You know, you know how it goes. Work. Yep. Haven't received any discovery. Nope. Not at all. Okay, see you later. So, um, uh, the chef gets an oyster and the waitress is like, "That's a lemon sauce. That's going to be cocktail sauce. This is hot sauce." Okay, I get it.

Great. Move along now. So, Cory's like, "Wow, now we're talking. Cory's so gross. Why is he here?" I like that Corey said something. What did he say to someone like, "Wow, got your American flag." And they're like, "Yeah, where'd you get your little what little girl dressed you today?" cuz he's wearing like a doily.

Yeah. Or he said that to like chef or something like I got from your mom said to Whitner or something like that.

I know. Um so is uh Molly Madison or Rodrigo go inside and he's like wow look at all these memories of Paige. And Molly says, "Oh my god, did she do everything?" And he's like, "Those pink chairs, those pink chairs are her." Wow. Embarrassing. I don't I don't know if I see I trust Rodrigo on this, but I just don't see Paige getting pink chairs for Craig. I think she's like, "Okay, everything in here should be black. I hate it. Too many colors and flowers." So, they are eating some more ceviche and Sally's like, "I feel like I should I need to find Venita cuz she's outside." So, she leaves Charlie to go find Venita inside.

And then Whitner's talking to Craig and Whitner's like, "Hey, where's Austin?" He's like, "He didn't come." I mean, it was stupid. It shouldn't have happened, but it happened. Like, you know, our beef, it just happened. He's like, "Well, Craig is posing it like he was defending Sally's honor." Oh, sorry. Charlie's saying that. She's saying she's My brain is rotting as I say the all these words. I apologize, Ronnie.

Literally nothing happening on this show. It's like, and then we talk about be. So, now Venita, Sally goes inside to check on Venita, and she's like, "Okay, well, thank you for checking on me, but when you go back out there, be nice." And she's like, "To who? I'm nice to everyone." She goes, "Just continue to be nice." Why is she saying that to Sally? That's so weird. Because you just got called out for spreading stuff. Why is Sally getting in trouble? She didn't say anything. You're the one who farted it.

I think this was like I I didn't love this moment for Venita cuz this is like just say what's on your mind, Venita, cuz you're not saying it, but you're being like elliptical about it and um you're you're alluding to things. It's like passive aggressive and sounds like, well, what did I And she's like, "Just be nice. Be nice." It's like, "Venita, just just spit it out and say it. You should just say, "When I told you about Molly's vagina, that was for the two of us, so stop gossiping and making me look bad."

Yeah. And so she's like, "Well, I'm just saying keep it up. If you're not being bad, then don't then just keep it up." And she's like, "I'm just like literally standing there eating." And I looked around and said, "Where's Venita? I would never be mean to you. I just looked for you." And she's like, "Well, okay then. Just don't give me any reason to think you're a fraud." Okay, that's all. And Sally's like, "What? A fraud to you?" And she goes, "Be nice to Molly cuz I like Molly, too." And she's like, "I am nice to Molly." She goes, "No, you don't know how to keep your your mouth shut. That's the problem." And she's like, "But me and Molly were both [ __ ] to each other at that part." Like Molly's Sally's not bright enough. You have to just spell out whatever you're saying. Hints are not going to work with Sally, you know?

No. No. And so Molly is like, "Yeah, but you kept talking [ __ ] about me." And she's like, "But when?" She's like, "Well, after the party." That's why I said you kept talking [ __ ] about me after the party cuz it happened after the party. But like what did I say? You were talking about my vagina. She's like, "Well, who said I talk [ __ ] about her vagina?" Enrio's like, "Me? Hello. I'm on this show. You came to me and told me that and I'm not Maddie. I'm just telling you what you said." And Molly's like, "Yeah, you're being shitty about my vagina." She goes, "But you're being shitty." And she says, "But you are shitty. You're always shitty, you [ __ ] asshole."

And everyone's like, "Oh, whoa, the newbies are making me stink, everybody. The newbies are coming out." And Molly's like, "You're malicious." And she goes, "Well, that was [ __ ] up." She's like, "You need therapy." She goes, "But I'm in therapy." Goes, "Yeah, because you [ __ ] suck." So Sally tells us, "What the [ __ ] Van's the one who told me about the sugar daddy in the vagina, and now I'm the one getting trouble with taking [ __ ] for it. I never talked [ __ ] about her vagina. I'm sure she has a lovely nude vagina.

Sorry, I have a beautiful vagina. Okay, just leave me alone. Are you jealous? Just go get your vagina done. She's like, I did not talk [ __ ] about your vagina. I'm sure your vagina is great.

Honestly though, like vagina surgery. I never even thought about it. I'm sure I'll need it after all this pregnancy.

So now Chef comes and he's like, "All right, everybody, that's enough. It's my time TO SHINE NOW. I'M GOING TO GO change into my annual speedo where my pubic hair, which I've never trimmed in my life, will fall over the edges and my hairy thighs will be sticking out. IS EVERYBODY READY TO GET TURNED ON?

LIKE, oh no. So, Mat goes to do Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no. I was just going to say they go outside.

Yeah. It's really wacky. Sally apologizes to Molly and she's like and Molly's like, "Yeah, but I thought we made up and I like felt good about stuff, but you know, like even Venita's more wary of you now." She's like, "Well, that sucks cuz we've been friends long enough that we shouldn't say the words I'm wary of her." I mean, I don't even know what that means. Who says I'm wary about her to their friend? Wary. That's like a curse word. That's a four four-letter word, you know? So, Sally now goes finds Vanita and she's like, "Venita, Molly told me that you were wary of me." What the [ __ ] is up with that? Like I feel like I've been a damn good friend to you. She goes, "Well, you make it very hard being on your side when you're on the side of someone I don't like." She's like "Craig?"

Yeah. Okay. So, now she's making it about Craig. So, now she's like, "Okay, you want me to be on your side, then don't date Craig."

Well, I hear you and I love you, but I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig, okay? Cuz he's a bigger star on this show. She's like, "Well, I want you to hear me and you're not going to." So, now Sally's like, Venita's argument is she's friends with Craig, so she feels like it's her right to stand up for Craig, but then she Sally is friends with Craig, so Venita is not going to be friends with her cuz she's going to stand up for Craig. It just doesn't make any sense. It's kind of hypocritical this whole thing. It's hard to be on her side with this whole thing. I don't like it.

I don't know. But I just feel like I do feel like Sally is being kind of a shitty friend to Vanita about the Craig thing because Greg was mean to Vanita and but Sally's like whatever. So gonna go after this guy and I'm also going to make sure my other friend can't go after him either. And I don't know. I think Sally's rubbing me the wrong way this season.

Yeah, me too. But I think that Sally was just a good friend to Venita because I think anybody else would have said, "What are you talking about? I heard that from Venita in the first place." Venita was the one who said all that stuff about your vagina and she said you had a sugar daddy paying for her. She insinuated that you had a sugar, but she didn't. She never says, "Well, I heard it from Venita." She's just keeps it quiet and then goes and talks to Venita. So, at least she was a good friend in that way. Yeah, she didn't throw Venita under the bus. But I don't know. I I still like for me, I still think Sally is not massively just a little bit more on the side of wrong than she is right.

So, Venita is like now they're mad at each other. So, Shep comes out in his speedo with a he's wearing a George Washington wig, but he still has the netting on it. So he's like a cafeteria George Washington, but then he has the speedo. It's not It's not amazing.

I need Lisa Cathro to come in dressed like a cupcake and just go, I don't need to see that.

No one needs it. Keep it off my TV, sir. I get that it's tradition, but you know, so is so is grandma's coffee cake. And we all know how that turned out.

So chef jumps in the water. It's funny. The wig gets wet. It becomes just like a sad mound of hair. And now uh everyone's like everyone's just dismayed.

Summer 2025, me and Shep are single. So So now Madison has a moment with Craig and she goes up to him and um he's like, "Well, I was worried that you weren't mad you were mad at me cuz you didn't answer yesterday." And she's like, "No, I'm not mad at you. I love you like a brother. It's just one of those things. Just talk. be vulnerable, Craig. You know, I saw you the other night drinking tequila and being crazy and mad and he's like, I know you don't like it when I get like that. I don't either. So, I don't. And I wanted to be like, are you okay? Cuz it's not if you're okay. It's okay to not be okay. Okay, look, I like slipped up. I hadn't felt that instant regret in so long. And I knew instantly I wish I didn't do that. And then I [ __ ] snapped. And I hate that [ __ ] Craig is just basically telling Madison what she needs to hear cuz that's what he does. Yeah, pretty much.

None of this is and he's like, "Yeah, I know I'm struggling and I don't know how to not be the fun guy at the bar. Like, that's just how I met everyone. That's how I met Paige and Naomi." So, to me, I like shouldn't I shouldn't equate not drinking with not being fun cuz I know that's not the truth. But in my head, I don't know if I believe that. Yeah. But the problem, no one complained about you not being fun last year. I mean, they complained about you not going out a lot, but I don't think anyone was like, "Wow, he's turned into a boring person."

just that you went out less. You know, they're complaining what you're trying. I mean, he's inherently fun. He's a storyteller. So Craig says, "I don't

and a lawyer and a storyteller. I don't like I'm I'm like I texted my therapist and I haven't talked to him in like 2 years and I was like, "Do you have any slots?" And oh, that's perfect. And he didn't have any slot machines. I was really upset. But like, you know, I'm not like [ __ ] better. I fixed like a lot of triggers, but like this isn't cool. I'm getting like worked up. It's not the best version of me. It's the worst version of me. He really is just like regurgitating all sorts of things just to make himself seem like self-aware and evolved. And Madison's falling for it because this is just what he does. People like Craig are so are so savvy about saying the right kind of stuff that they've sort of picked up from pop culture and all around like what you're supposed to say in that moment. And he's just giving it to her on a silver plate and she's like, "Well, he's going the right direction." Yeah.

Uh, so they hug and then um Whitner says he saved a bee. So Whitner's done something today. And now uh Craig and Charlie have a super romantic uh scene at the slushie or I snow cone machine or whatever the hell that is. Choosing flavors. And um he's like, "Have you ever had egg custard?" She's like, "I hate it." And he's like, "Raspberry though." She goes, "Is that your favorite dum dum?" The sucker. I love I love blue raspberry dum dums. Wow. Wow. Babies incoming. I really like Craig, but I feel like I might have my guard up a little cuz I have the tendency to put the needs and feelings of my friends above mine. I'm a hero. And Craig is like, "What's a dumb dumb? Oh, is that like a sucker? Like a lollipop? Is that what it is?" Yeah, it is. Yeah, those are my favorite. So, she says that as she gets older, she's worried that she's not thinking about herself enough, but she's learning.

She's learning to put herself first. Oh gosh. So, then, um, we go to, let's see, um, everyone's just partying. Anita decides to go home early. She's like, I'm out of here.

And, um, Rodrigo's out of there, too. He's like, Tyler hit his expiration date, so we're out of here, too. And so, it's like kind of like a sad, boring ending to kind of a sad, boring party. And so everybody's leaving and um uh as she leaves she says bye to Sally and she also kisses Craig bye and Sally's like, "Oh my god, you can kiss him on the cheek but can't let me hang out with him." Yeah. Like being nice to the host. That's That's kind

Yeah, Sally, you that's so No, no, Venita, you're the one. She's actually making it easier for you now. Venita is being a good friend for you because she's not she's trying to like like um reduce the tension in the room essentially. So like in some ways, well, one could argue she's being a good friend to you. I don't know if she was actually was thinking about Sally in that moment, but like wouldn't you have preferred Venita actually to have like a friendly moment with Craig, the guy that you're trying to [ __ ] versus like a tense moment, which puts you in a in a weird situation? But Sally trying to make it into her thing, it's like that's it's too much. It's too much, Sally. And she says, "Yeah, it's [ __ ] weird that she kissed him goodbye and then she has a problem with me being friends with him." I mean, talk about Too Faced. It's fake. I'm sorry. It's manners. Okay.

Manners are offers. That's why we do them. Yep. So, um, Chef even leaves. He's like, "I got to I got to feed little Craig." And Molly's like, "Yeah, I got to feed Zoe." Everyone's just using their pets as an excuse and getting there, which basically leaves us with Sally, Charlie, Corey, and Craig. So, we've got

the dream team. Yeah. We've got um the main characters, Craig and Sally, and then the people there to just sweep up the leftovers, Sally and Corey. So, they basically ask uh Charlie to like get she's out of the hot tub and they're like Craig wants a pinina colada. He's like Craig goes Craig says that he wants a pinina colada or Corey wants one even though people are bitching about it. I mean, I made good drinks. They just didn't freeze. So, the pina coladas after all these hours never froze in the machine. You didn't follow the instructions, Craig. That's what that means. It's a delicate ratio of ingredients.

So, they keep telling Charlie to get them more and more stuff. And Sally goes, "Why are we ordering Charlie around?" And Craig goes, "Because she does whatever we tell her to." And she's like, "God, you guys are supposed to be my friends." He's like, "Where does Cory say?"

Cory's like, "It's it's positive. You're just very submissive." I just pretend Cory's not here. Can you tell? I just skip over every Cory line.

So Craig's like, "All right, well, we had so many good rainstorms nights out here. Like the rainstorm that that night was my favorite member." And so I was like, "Mine, too." And then the next day we've golf carted to brunch and then golf carted to the country club. Like we did the best loop. And Cory's like, "Oh, so y'all y'all stayed here?" And she just looks at him like, "What happens in the hot tub stays in the hot tub."

Yeah. So there you go. That was Southern Charm everybody. So maybe Craig and Sally had sex after all. We'll

Oh, everyone's dying to know, I'm sure. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with some Real Housewives of Boolly Hoos. Talk to you next time.

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Questions about this episode

What is "#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions" about?

In this recap of Southern Charm, the discussion revolves around the fiasco surrounding a Christmas Eve coffee cake made by Craig's grandmother, highlighting the comedic expectations and disappointments tied to family recipes. As the episode unfolds, the group humorously critiques the cake's quality and the significance of proper nicknames for Southern grandmothers, ultimately reflecting on the…

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

82 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Jane Austen, Venita, Shep, Damasio Paige, Olivia Rodrigo, Whitner. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions"?

The episode runs 41 min; the transcript is about 8,311 words in 116 timestamped sections.

More from Watch What Crappens

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 19, 2025.