#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)

What this episode is about

This content provides a humorous and reflective recap of the documentary "My Octopus Teacher," focusing on the unique relationship between the filmmaker and the octopus, while also drawing parallels to the filmmaker's own life challenges. The discussion highlights comedic observations and personal moments, particularly emphasizing the filmmaker's interactions with his son and the contrasting nature of his relationships with humans versus the octopus.

Key takeaways

• Craig's existential crisis: lost in self-pity while an octopus models resilience – talk about misplaced priorities!
• Day 134: Craig casually compares his marital struggles to an octopus regrowing an arm. Talk about a stretch!
• In a world where crabs are hunted by octopuses and humans by love, who’s really winning?
• Patty's comeback story: from threat to stage star! Take note, Craig, some creatures just know how to shine!
• False Bay: where Craig Foster lives like a king, yet still laments his first-world problems. Priorities, much?

Who speaks in this episode?

• Ben Mandelker (Host) · 25 min speaking
• Ronnie Karam (Host) · 17 min speaking
• Craig Foster (Guest) · 4 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 5:00: Craig Foster, Swati Thea Garajan, False Bay
2. 5:00 – 10:00: Hampton Social
3. 10:00 – 15:00: Brittle Stars, The Secret Life of Lobsters
4. 30:00 – 35:00: Brittle Stars

Notable quotes from "#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)"

• Anything grows. Octopus fatty the phone music. And then he and then of course Craig has to make it all about himself. He goes, Seeing her with her little nubby tentacle, I realized that I too was getting past difficulties. In a strange.

  about Craig Foster · at 1:04

• I hope not. Jeez. Yeah, maybe that's why he was so depressed actually. Okay, what's his name? Let's look it up. Okay, such a Craig Foster.

  about Swati Thea Garajan · at 2:10

• I'm literally in like a new hiding space and this is awesome. But then someone tells her that there's like a cocktail special at like Hampton Social or whatever it was. She's…

  about Hampton Social · at 8:22

• Like everywhere. So then all these like creepy ass I think they were called brittle stars. They approach out of nowhere. They're like they look those look like aliens. They're…

  about Brittle Stars · at 10:39

• Well, I read I recently read a book called The Secret Life of Lobsters. So, I actually know way more about lobsters than I ever thought I would. did you know that they pee out of their.

  about The Secret Life of Lobsters · at 13:37

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Craig Foster — Person · Referenced subject (documentary protagonist) · 4 mentions · first at 1:11
  Discussed as the diver/filmmaker from the octopus documentary being recapped; the hosts joke about his narration, motivations, and family life.
• Swati Thea Garajan — Person · Referenced person (spouse of referenced subject) · 3 mentions · first at 2:10
  Mentioned when the hosts look up whether Craig Foster is married; used to contextualize his personal life and as a point of humorous commentary.

Books & papers

• The Secret Life of Lobsters — Book · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at 13:37
  Mentioned in passing as a source of information about lobsters.

Concepts & topics

• Brittle Stars — Concept · Key argument · 6 mentions · first at 10:43
  Discussed as part of the marine ecosystem interacting with the octopus.

Places & events

• False Bay — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at 2:52
  Mentioned as the location where Craig Foster lives.
  Okay, good. He's Oh, he lives in a pristine hillside overlooking False Bay.
• Hampton Social — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at 5:12
  Mentioned as a place where a cocktail special is happening.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:08 What happens when there's so much crap? Who cares what happens when there's so much that Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. So, uh, day 134, named after my favorite highway in Los Angeles. And, uh, it's a week later and she's healed quite fast. And guess what? Patty's grown a miniature arm. She has this little arm.

0:50 [ __ ] can't keep a good diva down. And you know that's happened in real life. You know that like during anything goes like a toe fell off or something. It's like don't worry it'll be fixed by Tuesday.

1:00 Literally anything goes. Anything grows. Octopus fatty the phone music. And then he and then of course Craig has to make it all about himself. He goes, "Seeing her with her little nubby tentacle, I realized that I too was getting past difficulties. In a strange way, our lives were mirroring each other. Like Craig, you did not lose a limb, okay, while your friend watched. Okay. Like your thing is that like um you you said hi to your wife today for the first time in 6 months. It's not the same.

1:35 It's like my relationship with people with humans were changing. My son at this stage was fairly interested in everything under the water. So, I put him down into the water, waited for a shock to bite one of his limbs off, and said, "There, now we both know how bad he feels." I like that he said his relationship with humans was changing, and yet we really saw none of his relationship with humans, except for his son swimming. I mean, that was nice, his son swimming, but like, why don't you show us your wife or family? I mean, assuming he has a wife. Oh my god. Could you imagine we're saying all this stuff and his wife has like passed away or something? You take it all back.

2:10 I hope not. Jeez. Yeah, maybe that's why he was so depressed actually. Okay, what's his name? Let's look it up. Okay, such

2:18 a Craig Foster. Craig Craig Foster, Australian retired soccer player. Octopus. Craig Foster. Octopus.

2:25 Craig Octopus wife. We're doing like an emergency like Okay. Is he married? There's a there's a there's an actual article that says from the cinemaholic

2:36 married. Okay. Where is he from? He's from South Africa. Yes. What does he do? Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Where's his wife? I don't see it yet. Where is he now? His wife, Swati Thea Garajan. Okay, good. He's Oh, he lives in a pristine hillside overlooking False Bay. Of course, he lives in False Bay.

2:57 What's False Bay? I don't know, but that's where he lives. They have a When I looked up her name, there's a little video and from far away it's a very small picture of her, but she has a Padma vibe. She's very beautiful. Smuda. Okay, now I have to look where False Bay is. False Bay.

3:13 Oh, yeah. There she is. False Bay is a body of water in the Atlantic Ocean between the mountainous. Oh, so this was the house that we saw, right?

3:18 No, no, you're looking at the wrong Craig Foster. That's not Oh, wait. No. Craig Foster, her wife, Swati.

3:25 Yeah. Swati the gorgeous. See, okay, so here's the thing with Craig. Now that we know he has a gorgeous wife, of course he's the guy who's like good-looking, has a gorgeous wife, has a gorgeous house, has everything perfect, and he's like, "But something's missing." It's like, Craig, look around. You've got everything.

3:43 Yeah. And she's a famous author, too. Wow. Um, okay. I'm so glad she's alive so we can continue.

3:50 Me, too. You really scared me. I was like, we're going to have to rec re-record this. I can't go through the emotions again.

3:55 Well, guess what? Day 250. The octopus's confidence is back. She's back, baby. A limited engagement on Broadway. My my name in the big lights cuz I'm back and I'm going for the Tony. Finally, 180 days later, my arm is regrown.

4:16 So, violins are playing and he's like, "It's amazing to think this animal is capable of that, withstanding that type of attack and fully recovering." And I'm so happy because

4:26 I thought this was it for her, you know? I was like, "This is over." I was already crying. I was ready to just be done with this whole thing. But she's back. She's got a second chance, baby.

4:34 She's got a second wind. And Craig is busy appropriating her pain. When I lost my limb during that shock attack, I didn't think there was another chapter for me. I'm like, "No, it wasn't you, Craig. You did not lose the limb." [gasps]

4:48 So, she goes back to normal and um she's slinking on a rock and he's like, "It was a nice calm, clear day. There's crabs chilling." And she comes around the corner and she sees a crab

4:58 and never soul from War Paint. It's Patty versus I'm not. She's like, "Uh-uh. No, no, no, no. I'm the one here. I'm going to win this."

5:10 Yeah. And she's like, "The problem." He say, "The problem when you all cry." Did we see that musical together? War paint.

5:16 No, you saw No, you just saw it by yourself and told me about it. Oh, so good. I mean, not really, but it was cool to see them. Uh, but he's like, "The problem when you're a crab, you're now being hunted by a liquid animal. She could pull herself through a tiny crack. I know the feeling of being hunted by a liquid animal." I'm like, "No, you don't, Craig. You don't know the feeling."

5:38 And Craig, can you just Okay, just just grab the crab and give it to her. Like, this is rid They're spending so much energy. So, this crab this crab thinks it's got it all figured out. This I I I kind of felt bad for this crab. mainly because it was about to die, but also like I don't know sometimes I mean I find crabs to be hilarious because they're they're like basically the Bethany Frankles of the sea, right? Like so what's the matter? What's happening? What's going on? Just hanging out here. Okay, you know what you got to do? Okay, just get away from me. Okay, you're a liquid animal. Okay, how about you eat all the liquid? Okay, cuz I'm a crab.

6:06 Okay, let me just Okay, I'm just going to I'm going to jump off this ledge. Okay, I can't. I literally can't.

6:11 And the crab. Now, I was wondering why am I feeling for the octopus and now I'm never going to eat an octopus again, but I'm not feeling for the crab. Is it because I think the crab is dumber than the octopus? And so,

6:22 yeah, the crab is crabby, I guess. But the crab, it's a kind of a cute scene, even though, you know, it's going to end in death. And I was like, this is sick that I'm thinking this is cute. But

6:31 anyway, the crab is knows that she's coming for it, right? She can't really see it because it's so good at at hiding itself and turning into rocks. I mean, the whole time it's changing into different things. It's so cool.

6:43 Terrifying for the crab. I know. But the crabs just knows that it's there. It senses it, right? So, it starts hiding and then it, you know, it waits and then it hides and then it just waits and it then it hides under like the sea version of Mrs. Roper.

6:59 Pink flowy crazy crab under me. [gasps] Yeah. Um, hey Stanley, I FINALLY GOT CRABS. It's like, oh gross. Like Mrs. Roer making old gross sex jokes.

7:14 It's his big red sea enemy. Is it enemy? Enemy. How do you say it? Enemy. Whatever it is.

7:19 I don't know. I wrote poison. Poisonous enemy, but I was like, "Wow, why would they name that thing an enemy?" It's like the most gorgeous pink, you know, frilly dress. Frumpy like mumu.

7:29 Yeah, it is. No, but it's spelled I think an N E M O N E. I think it's anemone. And uh it's you know like clown fish hang out in them like hm you want to get me? You'll have to deal with Mrs. Roer first.

7:41 So the crab is like under it. And then so Patty's like fine, I'll wait. I can always wait. Okay, this show is not starting without me. So, she just waits. And the crab, this is where the crab is not very Bethany because Bethany would never fall for this [ __ ] Maybe now the

7:55 Bethy's smarter for sure. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's not Bethany. It just it has a Bethany vibe, but maybe it's I don't know what would be a more accurate Bravo star for this for this crap. Maybe Kristen from

8:06 or like a Raquel. It's kind of a Raquel, I guess. A jellyfish. I'm going to hide in a dress. It's like you're wearing a dress.

8:15 No, the crab is Lindsay from Summer House. You do not want to see me activate it. I'm going to pinch you. Oh my god. And then like hides and is like, "I'm literally in like a new hiding space and this is awesome." But then someone tells her that there's like a cocktail special at like Hampton Social or whatever it was. She's like, "Oh my god, I got to leave Mr. Robert. I go to find the cocktail special. I'm going to hide in the shell." Like, "Oh, that's your body." So, so it thinks everything's okay. Here's there's a event at Hampton Social and comes out and um dumbass. I mean, God dumb dumb. So,

8:52 the close you see the closeup of the arm and it starts to kind of envelop the the crab and you should be yelling, "Run crab, run." But I'm like, "I can silly crabs. They're idiots."

9:04 Yeah. Patty's like, "Give me and she's like tries to grab it. And so then this crab just is like then the crab just like skitters away somehow and then it just like

9:12 caren off of a off of like a sea cliff and then it's just like floating and just like it's a full on like Lindsay like do not activate me straight to the

9:22 and just like floating through the water. Yeah. Dropping like a slow motion die hard. It's like that's it. I'm going off this building and then it just like drops. You're like it's the water. How fast can you drop? You're a crab. And also crabs are there. It's not fair what God did to crabs. I feel like God was like, "Haha, you're going to get eaten. I'll give you a shell, but you're never you're never going to walk straight."

9:44 Yeah. For one thing, you can only see side to side. Yeah. And like everyone can get through your shell, too. By the way, your shell is just like a fake defense cuz like everyone gets through crab shells. Like every every animal has figured out a way to get through crab shells.

9:59 Don't worry, your shell's going to be super hard unless it's wet. enjoy looking delicious, too, by the way.

10:09 Oh gosh. So, yeah. So, it drops and then um we see a closeup on the crab's eye like, "Oh, [ __ ] [ __ ] me." And then the octopus jumps on top of it and spreads out and just like like envelops it, you know, and then takes it back to the rock.

10:24 And then Craig being so like judgy to his friend is like, "Well, she's not a very clean eater. Like, just let her eat her food." Okay. So then, so she of course she does have like food everywhere and and like this crab is like everywhere. So then all these like creepy ass I think they were called brittle stars. They approach out of nowhere. They're like they look those look like aliens. They're like these little black squares but they have like there's four arms. They just like it seems like they don't have eyes or mouth whatever they are. They come out of nowhere and they

10:56 starfish. They're like starfish in the movie Alien, you know? Yes. They look they're black. They're terrifying and and she just tips one over like she flings one over on its back and it really does look like a starfish, but they're just like the creepiest, scariest version of starfish you've ever seen.

11:13 Yeah, they were terrible. I hated them. They just kept coming and I was like, "Please stop." And uh she's just like, you know, she's like, "Get out. Get out. This dressing room is for friends and family only. Get out. Get out. Especially if you're Glenn [ __ ] close.

11:33 So she he says she's going to have this problem of brittle stars taking all of her food. And not that long in the future, she thought there's brittle stars coming after her. And then I realized she has this talent of picking them up with her suckers and throwing them out of the den. Now she's the boss. And I was like,

11:51 "Yes, girl." But also like she literally has eight arms. Like what did he expect her to do? Like she does like literally the simplest thing. She takes an arm and bats them away. Of course, they're like they basically are like they basically look like Oreos. Oreos with legs. Like they're not going to have a huge amount amount of defense.

12:08 But it is funny how she does it. Like she suckers one she suckers one with just like one sucker and just flips it on its back and it's like, "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. GOD DAMN IT."

12:18 And now where are the sharks? Why don't the sharks eat the brittle the brittle stars? Cuz like something should eat them. I don't want them around.

12:24 I don't know. They really show you in this that there is like the order, you know, the order of the food chain and how everything has something to eat or whatever.

12:31 Yeah. So terrible. I would hate to be like like in I I don't want to be in the food chain like that, you know? Like to think that like your entire life is basically like like am I going to be eaten by something else today? Like that's a terrible way to live.

12:47 Yeah. Well, I guess I think humans are probably going to end up getting eaten one day. like aliens are going to come down and be like, "Oh, Ronnie looks delicious. He's been seasoned with cheese, tomato sauce, and carbs for 40 years. Get him."

12:59 Pretty much. So, um, so now Patty decides now that she's like all cocky cuz she got a a crab. Now she wants to go for a lobster. And, uh, she's like not very good catching lobsters. She keeps on trying to do crab techniques on lobsters. But, you know, those are two different kind of, you know, beasts. And so, she keeps on like whiffing. And she keeps like trying to do like almost like a big like surprise, I'm hugging you. But like the lobster's like, "I'm out of here." Like every single time.

13:26 Yeah. She like tries to do the embrace thing. Yeah. Where she's like sneaking up, but the lobster and lobsters aren't that bright either. Like they swim backwards. I never knew that.

13:36 Did you? Well, I read I recently read a book called The Secret Life of Lobsters. So, I actually know way more about lobsters than I ever thought I would. Like, did you know that they pee out of their eyeballs? How about that?

13:45 Ew. Like Michael from Real Hot Sauce of PTOAC. Yeah, they No, they do like they do like shoot backwards like that there. And I used to know like if you asked me about two months ago, I could give you every single fact about a lobster, but now they've already started to fade.

14:02 It's like it's like an enemy's coming and they're depressing reverse, you know, and you just those movies where they're going down the freeway all in reverse speeding away.

14:11 Um, also they're not the cutest animals, which I don't know if that makes you feel better or not. Well, that that lobster was like that was a like a spiny lobster, so it didn't have the big claws. When you have the big claws, they become a lot cuter.

14:24 Oh, okay. You know, when it's just like body and and tail, it's kind of they look a little ridiculous.

14:30 So, then he starts noticing all the animals that she's capturing and he's like, "Well, how is she killing them and eating them?" You know, cuz like, let's face it, she's not the most graceful. Like, she's got eight arms. So, so then um he says that at the base of all of her arms, there's a drill and it can drill through the shell and it drops poison into the shells to see how they react. So, she has to test different ways to get into that shell and find just the right spot to drop the poison into because it'll only relax if it's right in the apex of the shell. And he's like, the geometry that she does to drill the precise spot to get her food, it's very high level,

15:11 but still pretty much a lower primate. Let's let's let's let's not cross that line, right? [clears throat]

15:17 She will never have the right to vote. That much, I can tell you. But great with geometry.

15:22 Great. Yeah. He's like, she's teaching me so much. And we just see him with shells. He's like learning about shells. He's like saying, "Oh, there's a hole in that shell. Okay, I've learned." Like Wikipedia could do the same thing.

15:33 Pretty badass though. Like I never I mean of course I don't know that much so I'm impressed by everything but I was like oh I guess you do see those shells at the ocean that have a little hole drilled in there. It's like how did that happen? Who drilled a hole in it?

15:46 Well was that hole from the drill or was that was that hole she drilled that hole? Right.

15:51 She drilled it. Yeah. She drills it and then she drops poison in and then the animal opens up and comes out of the shell so she can eat it.

15:57 Right. Yeah. Exactly. Also, I like that we saw um there was like a cutaway shot, too. It looked like a sea slug that was wearing a yarmaka. And I was like, I love that my people are being represented in the kelp forest.

16:09 It's like a a slug with a yamaka. Literally a slug with a yarmaka. [gasps] So, on his board, he's like, "Now I know how the helmet shell is connected to the octopus, and I know how all these lines and dots are connecting with all the animals of the ocean." And then we see some more amazing footage with the unsung hero of this film, the jellyfish. I mean,

16:32 jellyfish is not getting any credit. Jellyfish are just just floating around looking beautiful and

16:38 they are stunningly gorgeous. Okay, so like the forest mind, I could feel it. That big creature, it was a thousand times more awake and intelligent. this giant underwater brain developing for millions of years, keeping everything in balance, and everything was perfect in the forest. And then horror music. Of course,

17:00 it's a sharp. [screaming] By the way, everything was in balance until you showed up, Craig. Let's not forget you're the one who was the outsider here with your camera.

17:09 Balance tipper. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crapp. So, here comes the sharks. Okay, so scary ass sharks. I don't like it. The shark looks bigger than it ever has. It's just so big. And so, now there's like this really harrowing shark sequence that really stressed me out the entire time. I'm not going to lie. I was very stressed during all this.

17:38 It was really, really stressful because you kind of know what's coming, right? And um he's looks just so sad. I mean, he's about to jump off the rock he lives on. Like this is

17:50 he's so depressed and he's blinking back tears the whole time. So he swims down and there's horn music and he's like, "I have this burnt in my memory of this shark just suddenly approaching." She gets still and tried to hide and you just saw the shark swimming on the periphery picking up a scent. And I thought, "Oh no, this nightmare is happening all over again." [groaning] And then like a chase begins. So now it's like the the shark is chasing the octopus and everything. And then like she's like she just like finds some kelp and she's like latches onto it and she's like I'm getting back into my fur cuz she like whenever she gets finds like a leaf, she just gets so glamorous and she rolls herself up and she hides and the shark is like she's like looking out from the kelp like is he there? Is he there? Are the critics here still?

18:36 Oh, is that So, so the shark is like swimming around smelling her and like biting off pieces of kelp really aggressively and I was like that's not cool. That was like like can you just like eat a little more politely like with your violent bites of kelp?

18:50 No reason not to have manners. Yeah, seriously. So, it's dumb, you know, and it's only going off smell. So, yes, it's it's snapping at all the kelp. And this guy also again has balls of steel following this cuz it's like he's right there the whole time. I mean, he gets such amazing footage and he holds his breath for such a long time.

19:10 I know. And but I'm also like she's probably like, "Um, yo, could you like get away from me? I'm trying to hide like this camera right here." Like this is pretty much tipping off the shark where I am. Could you just like go get out of my kelp?

19:22 Yeah, true. But she also hides in so it's like there's so many rocks, girl, and you're hiding like it's like Patty the Okay, Patty, someone's coming. She's like, "All right, I'll be a showgirl." They're like, "Well, like that's not helping." All right, I'll be a a tap dancing showgirl. How about this, boys?

19:38 No. Go to your escape. Go to No. Go to your panic room. All right. Give me a fur and a bow and a top hat. We're going to do this the proper way. No, just get to your panic room.

19:47 She's doing like Busby Berkeley down there. Uh, so she shoots. She finally the shark is going to get her, right? Cuz she's in this fabulous outfit. So she shoots out of the outfit and blows ink out and then she is running. so hard. She's like, "Fuck it. I'm going to where the guy came from." So, she climbs out of the water onto a rock. And he follows her right up onto the rock and um he's like, "I'm amazed. I almost can't believe my eyes." But then the problem is, of course, she's got to go back. And so,

20:20 oh god, this is heart-wrenching. So, she jumps back in and the shark picks up her scent again. And then another crazy chase is on. She runs like hell and then she sinks back into her to a rock and a shark keeps coming and coming at her and coming at her.

20:36 Yeah. And at this point again I'm like Craig, at what point are you like you've already like you got to step in here, Craig. I mean you already gave her a muscle so you've already crossed the line. So it's fine. Just just get rid of that shark because this is your friend here and this is this is going on way too long. It's over. Enough.

20:53 Yeah, it's too much, dude. So then um he's like and then Oh, so then she goes, "Oh, go ahead. What are you saying?"

21:02 No, I'm just laughing because I know where this is heading. And and basically she she finds a bunch of shells. She has like a moment of freedom. So she finds a bunch of shells and she wraps herself up in the shells just like before. And Craig has like the most obvious realization and he's like, "And that's when I realized when she surrounded herself with shells, she was doing it to protect herself." I'm like, "Yeah, do you know what shells are for? They're not only for accessories."

21:28 I know. But she does it so fabulously. It's so cool cuz she's got like thousands of suckers on her and she just grabs individual shelves from all over and puts together this amazing out. I mean, she just looks gorgeous. It's like Molly Ringald and Pretty and Pink how she sews her own prom dress, you know? It's like, oh my god, she's so talented. But this thing does it in two seconds.

21:49 I love the pockets. I love the silhouette. I love it. Nina Gracia is just The only thing I don't like about this outfit is the death.

22:01 So, so yeah, she's this crazy little piece of art, you know, this like beautiful shell ball, the shell bowling ball. And the shark doesn't The shark doesn't notice her at first, but then obviously he smells probably the Old Spice covering her and it comes and it grabs her. And then I'm losing my [ __ ] mind at this point. Yeah, it is like cuz so Patty like Patty is a ball of shells and the octopus has her in his mouth and it's just like shaking shaking shaking shaking just trying to like get her to relent. And the the shark is doing whatever he can and then of course Greg's like, "But I have to breathe." So he goes up and he takes a breath and and then when he comes back down again, Patty has done the most Patty Leapone thing of all time, which is for some reason somehow, we will never know how, she is now on top of the shark just riding it like a horse, still all in her shells. She's [ __ ]

22:57 amazing, this chick. Okay, I guess she reached up somehow and stuck herself onto his back and pulled herself up there and confused the hell out of him cuz he can't move to catch her back there. And so it's like this beautiful little jeweled shell bowling ball riding a shark.

23:12 It's like this weird thing of like, wait, what? There's an octopus riding a shark. And she's just like, here I am, boys. I told you anything goes.

23:23 Oh my god. And then so the shark is like this is when Jules Aaron gets fired off the housewives. She's like, "Sorry, Jules Aaron. The audience just thought you were too negative this time.

23:47 Sorry, you're a shark and then you end up with an octopus on your back. It just doesn't work with your brand. We're going to have to demote you. So, she's swimming and the shark doesn't know how to get her and he goes, "The shark had just been completely outwitted and then the shark just swims so dumbly." I mean, you just It's like dumb. They just lost Kulkin again, you know? It's like they had him cornered and they firebombed the wrong house or whatever. This shark I I hope that this shark was actually just like banished from that that like weird shark sex cave because like they probably were all watching like are seriously like this really like this like do you see yourself? You have it's on your back.

24:27 It's on your back. You are ashamed to all of us sharks and you were banished. Go out to find another kel forest.

24:32 Well, maybe that's why they were biting him in the beginning, you know, cuz all of the stuff starts to circle back and in the beginning we saw the sharks fighting with each other and maybe they were JUST LIKE YOU IDIOT. YOU EITHER get an octopus or you're out of this family.

24:43 And that's been his arc the entire time. Like I we told you to get a job. We told you to get a job. Earn your own money and like make like make a decent name for yourself. And what are you doing? You're running around with an octopus on your back.

24:56 So, um she finally [clears throat] gets off of him because he's so dumb. Like she sees a rock and she pushes herself off of him and slinks into this rock. And um Craig is just so impressed. Everyone's impressed. I'm like cheering in my house. And then they do a clo He does a closeup on her face and it's so awesome. Like she's just peeking out from this rock and she squints her eyes like "Yes

25:24 [ __ ] with the wrong octopus." Yeah. Not only did I win, but I humiliated you, you stupid shark.

25:31 That was on film, [ __ ] You'll always have to live with that. I don't know what's going to happen with me going forward, but you will always have to live with that. So, um, so, uh, uh, so he starts saying that he suspected he was around for about 80% of her life, which, you know, you now know, like, uh-oh, things are wrapping up here. And then we have this it's like it's there's a school of fish that have come by and uh there's all these fish swim and Patty just has all her arms up and she's just like slapping at the fish like hello. Oh, I love when all my fans come to see me. Hello. Who wants an autograph? I'm very approachable despite what the articles say about me. Look at me. I'm happy here. Here's my arm. Here's an arm.

26:15 Here's an arm. I'm not getting in that limo until everybody has a signature on a ticket. Pass over the play bill, honey. Yeah, she's signing all these odd and the fish are kind of It looks like the fish are playing with her because they keep coming over in their school and then like sitting right above her and then she snatches at all of them and then they run but then they come right back and then she she chases

26:37 I think the fish are dumb. I think the fisher just have no idea what's going on. They're like, "Oh [ __ ] we got to get out of here. Wait a second. What if we go back there though?"

26:46 She's like, "Oh, the dumb fish are back." I love playing with these idiots. We were getting swatted at, but now we're not getting swatted at. Maybe if we go back to the place that we got swatted at, we won't get swatted at anymore.

27:00 Maybe next time. Won't get swatted at. Get out of here, Patty. This is Get out of here, Liza. This is my This is my C far. There's only room for one diva in this place. Swat swat. SWAT. So, I thought she was playing with a It looks totally like a pet like animals playing together. Well, I mean, you know, it looks like Dodd's playing with whatever fish. I can't make a comparison really. Um, he's like, "Well, I was like, hold on. When she hunts, she's strategic and focused. This behavior doesn't feel predatory. She's playing with them."

27:36 Yeah. And And she's like this antisocial animal playing with fish. And then um and then when she's done playing, she sees Craig and she like swims up to him and then cuddles up on his body and it's like just so cute. She's like my friend who doesn't save me around sharks, but still like I've just come to accept that about him and you can't change people and I've accepted him for who he is and I really like him. He's a terrible protector, but he's got soft skin so I'm going to cuddle on him. So they cuddle

28:04 and then he goes, "And that was the last time we had physical contact." I was like, [gasps] "No,

28:11 I know." And then he's about to cry. And then day 3:24, a storm's coming and the waters are all, you know, rough and there's sentiment everywhere or sediment everywhere. And he goes down and horror movie,

28:29 there's another big octopus right next to her. 23. It's very rare to see two octopus close together. Oh my god.

28:41 Where the hell did this guy come from? What's going on? I hate to break it to you, uh, Craig, but certain things happen when when a when a man octopus and a lady octopus have feelings for each other.

28:57 Yeah. But oc octopus are such men, you know? It's like, I'm going to I'm going to come here, lay you, and get out of here. have fun raising off 5 million children.

29:06 I know. He lays next to her and he's like, "All right, they're boning, I guess." And and one of them has their octopus arm sticking straight up, which was hilarious. Like a boner. And I don't know if it was like touching the camera or what it was, but [clears throat] did you notice that?

29:22 I did. Uh, at that point, I was like, "Now Craig knows what it's like to be a gay man." Okay. Cuz when your straight friends have babies and then you never see them again. Okay. That's what You just got the experience. Congratulations.

29:35 The last time she had dinner with me was enough. The last time we had she had a baby.

29:40 Then she got a baby. This is what it is, people. I'm just breaking the news to you. You may not You may not like it, but this is the truth.

29:50 By this stage, I knew quite well the stages of an octopus's life. So, while I was excited to see the mating, I mean, who wouldn't be boner town? Uh, there was a dread in the bottom of my stomach. She wasn't coming out of that den. There was no more feeding, no more game night, no more films at the Arkite. How did I have a question though? Where did How did Tony Shaloo find her? Because like it seemed like she was the only octopus in town. He must have just been like it must be something like when the guy is ready to do it, he just starts like trolling, you know, kelp forest or something like that.

30:25 You know, it was those idiot gossipy fish that were like, "What? When you slide, get off the street, [ __ ] huh? Look at the lady [ __ ] walking down the street like a lady.

30:33 This lady [ __ ] slapping at us. Yeah, they're like, "Hey, octopus stud. You looking for that slut?" She's probably into that rock over there looking like a bowling ball or something.

30:41 [ __ ] Stupid [ __ ] hanging out with humans. Why don't you show what a real octopus is like?

30:48 Yeah, they were like the busy body towns people. They have like They have like bandanas in their hair chewing gum.

30:56 Yeah. She about [clears throat] that [ __ ] down by the corner kept fire. She's hanging up fake human. Yeah. Why don't you show Why don't you be a real octopus and show what a real octopus does? How about that? Huh?

31:04 Yeah. Hide your husbands, ladies. Yeah. All of them. So, uh, he's like, I just keep going back every day to check. And she's oxygenating her eggs with her siphon. She's slowing her death and timing her death for the hatching of those eggs. And it struck home so hard of me. Here's an invertebrate, a mollisk, sacrificing her life for her young. Reminds me so much of myself. Like how I almost sacrificed my life. Really only for myself, actually.

31:35 Yeah, for myself. It was just for myself. I have an entire family and I could have died many, many times out here just for the sake of an octopus and left them in the lurch. But it did remind me of me in some sort of way.

31:47 Oh. So then the the eggs hatch and they're these tiny invisible like they're see-through little tiny things and they go into the water column and

31:58 she's not eating. She's not eating at all by the way. Right. She's like Jessica Tandy end of cocoon. Like totally full on.

32:07 And so they they all had she's spent all her energy doing this again. Like Mark where's your muscle now? Like maybe she wants to eat something cuz like she can't afford to leave and cuz they'd be vulnerable. So she just has to like chill there and not feed and not hunt. And it's like bring her a muscle. Maybe she wants to be there for her kids. Okay.

32:24 No, it's time to die. It's just how it works out. So she's starting to die basically. And then of course the [ __ ] towns people come out and just start eating her.

32:34 Yeah, cuz she sort of like she sort of like tumbles out of the den. She's so weak. She like the water I think just sort of like washes her out of the den. So now she's just like out there on the sidewalk like in her bathrobe with like, "Hey, I used to be on Broadway, you know?"

32:48 Yeah. She's all white and she's dying. It's so sad. So of course I'm crying, you know. I'm crying at this part.

32:55 And then these [ __ ] starfish things. These get away from her. Give her some privacy.

33:01 Monsters. They just start pulling on her leg. Just ripping her apart, eating her alive. Really

33:06 [ __ ] stars. I can't stand them. Come on. This is why when people are like, "Why do you want to live in the middle of nowhere? Don't you want to live in a community?" No. This is why this is what they do to you. You know, they see you out there at your worst and what do they do? They [ __ ] eat you. Yeah. They [ __ ] eat you. Stupid brittle stars. And then, of course, I'm surprised it took this long. This shows how stupid those pajama sharks are because she's just laying out there vulnerable for like two days and then finally a a shark just comes and is like, "All right, I'm taking this." And just comes and eats her. I was actually almost happy at that point because I was like, can we put her out of her misery from these [ __ ] Brittle Stars and those random ass like Dynamo fish just like get get her out of there. So the the Jill Aaron just comes in one soup just eat just takes it in her mouth and just goes I don't know why

33:52 it took two two days for that shark to find literally free food like a big old piece of

33:56 dumbest shark ever and then took it home. It was like I finally did it like congrats Theodore, you got a dead one.

34:03 Yeah, you found your hat. Congratulations. Yeah. God, it was it was sad. So Craig starts to choke up and this is when I started I started to choke up now also. I was like, damn it, I can't believe I'm choking up. But he's like looking out and he's like he's like sometimes I float above her den. I miss her. I was like, I miss her, too.

34:23 Oh my god. And he's like, I mean, in some way it was a relief because the intensity of going every day tracking her, trying to capture footage, it was tough in a way. I just I slept. I dreamt this animal. The other night I was in a deep sleep and I woke myself up because apparently I was singing. [gasps]

34:45 His wife is like, "Yeah, was that tough for you uh going to check that octopus every day?" Yeah. You know what I was doing? Everything in the house right when while you were gone. Every single thing. Yeah, that was tough for me, too.

34:57 Oh. Um, so yeah, this was so sad. But then we see two sets of feet now walking along the beach and he's with his son and his son is now older. His son has grown up a lot and

35:10 a lot like a year. Yeah. He's teaching his son how to do it and his son is like very natural in the freezing ass water and I'm sure the mother loves that too. Like I'm taking my I'm taking our son into freezing water. Kiss your mother. It might be the last time. [gasps]

35:25 He is developing a gentleness from nature cuz nature is so gentle. Like when that shark destroyed Patty.

35:32 Yeah, don't worry. If he doesn't make it, I'll I'll ask the Brittlefish to eat him.

35:38 So then the son finds like this tiny little octopus, little baby octopus. And uh he's starting to imagine that it might be one of her young because it's like around the size that it should be and it's in the area. I mean, I'm fully convinced it's it's Patty's daughter. Like

35:52 yes, it's like a little baby Patty. Little baby Patty. And um you know, it's like exciting. And now there's just like swimming and there's like seals. There's like seals hanging around, you know, which is fun. There's like a sea otter, I think, at one point.

36:07 That's so cute. And then we see all the babies of the forest because I guess they're showing us the circle the circle of life or the cycle of life that you know things go they leave the they lead these really violent scary lives where they're always protecting themselves from each other basically but then they're always being re constantly being reborn, you know, and so they show like a little baby otter and even a little baby shark we get to see born.

36:33 There's like a cuttlefish. There was like he was like he was like chilling with a cuttlefish which is like not the same as an octopus for sure but I guess it's it's like okay.

36:42 Which one was that? Was that the one that's half fish and half octopus where it has this like fingery That was a funny one. I like that one.

36:50 It's like okay like I I appreciate you cuttlefish but you're like you're not quite a squid. You're not quite an octopus. You're just you're not the same. I just like it's just [snorts]

37:00 I'm sorryish feels. That's I was like who makes they probably all make fun of the cuttlefish cuz it's such a dumb looking little thing. But he's being nice to it. And then it's really cute because he's actually friends with the fish. Like the fish come up to him and then he's holding one in his hands in the water and petting it.

37:18 Yeah. Oh, it was so cute. And I can never fish again now. God. And then Yeah. And then like we see a flashback of Patty like touching him on his mask which is so sweet. Patty, you know, she's so inquisitive and he realizes that like you know that you're you're part of this space. You're not a visitor. You're part of this space. I am amphibious. And he he has now like actually um developed a group of people who dive with him and like chicken on the on the kelp forest and you know like

37:48 yeah they all go on a group and into the water and the one of the last shots is a shot of Patty when she's like had a long day of play with her friend and she's back in her little nest and it does a closeup on her eyes like squinting happily and then closing like a little doggy taking a nap. I mean this was the best [ __ ] thing I've ever seen.

38:09 I loved this. I was crying. I'm going to watch it probably a million times. I think we should make it a musical. It was just

38:17 We should. Well, uh, it was great. And this bonus is actually longer than the movie itself,

38:25 but there was a lot to take in and a lot to discuss. This was really, it turns out that, um, uh, we can do, uh, it was actually really not that hard to recap this as a major documentary. It was actually pretty

38:35 This was [ __ ] beautiful to watch. It was really great to talk about. Uh it was longer than the film. I guess that's normal for us. But um thank you for being a part of this two-parter everybody. Thanks for listening to us and we will be back next week with god knows what else. But it better not involve something adorable dying because I'm not going to make it for much longer if we have to do that all.

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Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)"?

Ben Mandelker (Host), Ronnie Karam (Host), Craig Foster (Guest).

What is "#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)" about?

This content provides a humorous and reflective recap of the documentary "My Octopus Teacher," focusing on the unique relationship between the filmmaker and the octopus, while also drawing parallels to the filmmaker's own life challenges. The discussion highlights comedic observations and personal moments, particularly emphasizing the filmmaker's interactions with his son and the contrasting…

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Craig Foster, Brittle Stars, Swati Thea Garajan, False Bay, The Secret Life of Lobsters, Hampton Social. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "#3133 Crappens Rewind: My Octopus Teacher on Netflix (Part 2)"?

The episode runs 42 min; the transcript is about 8,508 words in 166 timestamped sections.

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