Transcript

#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz

From Watch What Crappens · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 8 min · 13,146 words · 246 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz", an episode of Watch What Crappens published January 2, 2026 (1 h 8 min, about 13,146 words). It mentions 15 people, works and ideas, including Bethany, Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Darinda, Palm Beach.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Darinda, El Chapo, Bethany, Mark Tinsley
  2. – 20:00: Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Bethany, Darinda
  3. – 30:00: Bethany, Ramona, Darinda, Mark Tinsley
  4. – 40:00: Bethany, Mark Tinsley, Darinda, Ramona
  5. – 50:00: Bethany, Mark Tinsley, Palm Beach, Ramona
  6. – 1:00:00: Bethany, Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Darinda
  7. – 1:08:17: Darinda, El Chapo, Palm Beach

Notable quotes from "#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz"

  • Hello and welcome to Watch Whatins, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye old bravas. I'm Ronnie Kum. And here I AM WITH THE GORGEOUS Ben Mandela, my co-host, my internet life partner, my BFF. Hi, Ben.
    about Ronnie Kum · at
  • City. I was like did you ask Dinda to do this after 20 packs of cigarettes? It's like they just woke Darinda up off the ground somewhere. We're like will you record this? Yeah.…
    about Darinda · at
  • Happened between Nutcracker and, jailed? did she steal it from El Chapo or is she like transporting something for him in there?
    about El Chapo · at
  • Okay. So, we open with Bethany and her family in a car. And by her family, I mean Kevin.
    about Bethany · at
  • Thankfully, it's followed by Darinda limping out to meet Ramona in a car and she's got a cane and Ramona's Hi, I'm here to pick you up. Do you need me to help you or can the doorman help you to the car? I.
    about Ramona · at
  • So then Tinsley's on the phone with her mom and I wrote Tinsley's on the phone with her mom. No, Carol. Because like this is on the phone Carol. It's like.
    about Mark Tinsley · at
  • What are you talking about? She's Oh my god, mom. Scott and I had such a good time in Palm Spring in Palm Beach.
    about Palm Beach · at
  • And I guess now would be a really good time to mention that we're bringing Watcher Crappins to Palm Beach. So, yes, I guess you could say that we're crime scene goers, too.
    about Watcher Crappins · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Bethany — Person · 33 mentions · first at
  • Ramona — Person · 20 mentions · first at
  • Mark Tinsley — Person · 18 mentions · first at
  • Darinda — Person · 10 mentions · first at
  • Sonia — Person · 6 mentions
  • Young Carol (Yan Carol) — Person · 6 mentions
  • El Chapo — Person · 5 mentions · first at
  • Dinda — Person · 5 mentions
  • Ronnie Kum — Person · 1 mention · first at
  • Ben Mandela — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye old bravas. I'm Ronnie Kum. And here I AM WITH THE GORGEOUS Ben Mandela, my co-host, my internet life partner, my BFF. Hi, Ben.
  • Hugh Ransom Dale — Person · 1 mention
  • Luan — Person · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

what happens when there's so much crap. Who cares what happens when there's so much that Hello and welcome to Watch Whatins, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye old bravas. I'm Ronnie Kum. And here I AM WITH THE GORGEOUS Ben Mandela, my co-host, my internet life partner, my BFF. Hi, Ben.

Hi. I'm great, thanks. How are you? I'm doing good. Um, it's Real Housewives of New York day, so that's always a good time for me, Ben.

Oh, such a good time for all of us. Now, it's time for Real Housewives of New York.

Real Housewives. I know this is going to be a good episode because the previously is narrated by not narrated but introed by Darrena and she's trying to sound like Carol which is really weird. She's like

previously on the real [ __ ] New York City. I was like did you ask Dinda to do this after 20 packs of cigarettes? It's like they just woke Darinda up off the ground somewhere. We're like will you record this?

Yeah. She is like hung over. She got wasted last night in butique and she is not ready to do her voiceover work. And there's a producer sitting in her bedroom holding up her yellow plates being like, "It's sunshine. It's sunshine. Wake up." I fell for it again.

Sunshine plate. Um, I was cracking up even before basically the show started for sort of the same reason cuz they're showing previously on Real House in New York and they're showing all this stuff and they they show Lanne the the the police footage of her being arrested, you know, when she's like she's like why why why, you know, it's like, you know, she's in the police cruiser right now and the and the cop literally like h is like has his arm up on her chest and is like listen lady, I'm going to hog tie you if you don't stop. And then it cuts directly to like like the opening credits like just know this like casual lounge music like literally from I'm going to hog tie you if you don't stop to success in New York is only a matter of your high heels or whatever they say. You know,

it's like I love how they just they cut from Lannne to Lannne cuz they went they have Lann going, "What is this Nutcracker situation?"

Like right into her being in a cop car. I was like, "Whoa, what did happen with that nutcracker? What happened between Nutcracker and, you know, jailed?" Like,

did she steal it from El Chapo or is she like transporting something for him in there?

El Chapo the Nutcracker. Let me tell you, that guy is a nutcracker. That's no joke.

I'll tell you, Countest and Friends includes so many different people people. We have Cheyenne Jackson. We have Bernett Peters, El Chapo,

Amy Phillips, El Chapo. Here to sing a wonderful rancher song is El Chapo. What do they call those songs that are about those like rancherero songs that are about drug dealers? There's a specific genre that is, you know what I'm talking about. They're called the nutcracker. Nutcrackeros.

Lnut cracker. I'm learning Spanish on Dualingo. It's called Lnut Cracker. Los No Crackeros. Am I saying it right?

3 2 1 Nutcracker. Give me a nut. Give me a cracker. But never give me a nutcracker. 1 2 3. Hit it boys. Why? Hey, officer, don't hog to me. Hog tie me because I'm going to crack your nuts. #lnutcrackero. 3 2 1 I'm going to hog tie your nuts with my nutcracker. Three, two, one. That makes me laugh every time. Okay, so we open

her totally indelicate lyrics that don't even rhyme. They just are like glove consciousness.

Let me read for my big trapper keeper covered in jewels diary. Anyway, I'd like to call Chapo on stage. We're going to sing a song we we like to sing on those [sighs and gasps] hot Mexican nights called Elnut Crackeroo.

Oh, he seems a little angry. Don't lose your head, Chapo. Get it, boys. Now, where is that? You know, he is always sneaking away. And now from some wonderful underground music with El Chapo. Okay. El Nutcracker by Luan and El Chapo.

Okay. So, we open with Bethany and her family in a car. And by her family, I mean um Kevin.

Kevin, her driver. She's like, "Kevin, Kevin. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin, Kevin, I'm going to Chicago today." I swear I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to do a business conference. I'm going to get home. Brent's never going to be the wiser. Like uh you know what the weather's like in Chicago? It's either cold as cold as [ __ ] Okay. Okay, Kevin. Okay.

Hey, Kevin. Hey, I saw you at the Jew. I I saw you. I saw you Kevin Jul. Huh? Is that what you do on the side? Huh? Kevin Jas. Huh? [gasps]

Kevin is so checked out. He's Yeah. He's like a library book basically. He's just completely checked out. He's just staring at his phone like I do not get paid enough for this, you know?

Yeah. Exactly. It's like if I have to hear Bethany make another joke about Chicago weather, I'm just going to just drive off this bridge right now.

Thankfully, it's followed by Darinda limping out to meet Ramona in a car and she's got a cane

and Ramona's like, "Hi, I'm here to pick you up. Do you need me to help you or can the doorman help you to the car?" I was like, "What happened? What is going on?" Dinda has a cane. Ramona is offering to help her into the car. What happened?

I stabbed myself in the foot. I didn't even know it. Yeah, this is the most real housewives of New York injury of all time. Direinda, she was like, well, I have a Christopher Shaw shaker. It fell on my foot. I was like, I haven't used a salt shaker since before, but she died. And I thought, hey, I want to use it. I'm going to use that salt shaker from now on. It's important that Shaw shakers, you know, so I decided to use it. It fell on my foot. My foot's black.

I said I deserve it. Like I love that Darinda just even before her foot's black like she just wakes up one morning like you know that sauce I deserve that I deserve it. I'm just like imagining her on one of those like librarian ladders you know reaching up to like the find like the Christophel shaker hidden behind a box of special K or something and it just comes tumbling down. I'll tell you what happened to my foot. Here is Here is Christophel with a salt shaker in the kitchen.

Unfortunately, he's even more bloated now cuz I insult. So then Tinsley's on the phone with her mom and I wrote Tinsley's on the phone with her mom. No, Carol. Because like this is on the phone Carol. It's like

That's how she talks when she's in California. She's so relaxed. Everything takes longer, including her syllables. That's Carol getting a massage.

So, Tinsley is talking to Dale on the phone. You know, Dale's probably sitting there down in Florida eating Russell Stover chocolates while her daughter's yammering away.

You know she is. She's like, "Uhhuh. Oh, this one has nougat. Go on, Tinsley. What are you talking about?" She's like, "Oh my god, mom. Scott and I had such a good time in Palm Spring in Palm Beach. Oh my god, mom. It was great. It's like literally the smallest city in all the world, and it was so much fun. How could a city so small be have such big fun?"

And Carol's having way too much fun with this Luen went to jail thing, you know? and she's like, "Well, friend called me and I thought, oh no, she got a DUI." But then I Googled it and I was scared for her. That's not a good place to be. I was like, "Yeah, you seem terrified, Carol." You know, it's like that moment of Botox where you're just always smiling. But also, Carol, you just can't help smiling. Your face may not be able to tell me whether or not you're smiling, but that glimmer in your eyes tells me [ __ ] is smiling.

Well, guess what? Everyone was smiling, including production, because car I mean, Carol says, "When I heard about Lanne getting arrested and, you know, I thought that she might have had a DUI, but it turns out it was so much more serious, if it were Beverly Hills, it would be like, but on this one, it's like like, oh, I thought she had a DUI. Turns out she just has four felonies and she assaulted a police officer and she might be going away to jail. And the music like Dun dun dun.

Like it's just carefree and light. Like it's just another day in New York. Let's get a croissant.

And Carol's like, I emailed her and I said, whoops, that's not good. And Dinsley's like, I was just a few blocks from where it went down. I was just right there. And I felt badly for her cuz you know, I know how it'll be taken in the press. And I reached out and I said, "Babe, I'm in town and I shouldn't have said this, but come over to my mom's. We'll have a cocktail.

Good one, D inflate. I actually really respect that instinct. Well, yeah, of course.

Yeah, that's What else are you going to do before you get you're stuck in rehab?

Tiny was so mad that she wasn't there. She's like, it's this literally the smallest place on earth and I miss the coolest thing happening. You know, you know that's what she was thinking.

So then meanwhile, Ramona and Darind are talking about it and Ramona of course has taken this chance to be Demure. She's like, "Oh, Lanne's taking uh well, you know, she's away right now. She's on vacation. She's at summer camp. Get it, Derinda? Get it?"

I love that she's whispering like somebody died. She's like, "Let's spoken to her. How's her spirits?"

No pun intended. Ramono. Yeah. And is like, I haven't talked to, you know, trying to check out. Ignore the noise. Um, by the way, your call on Darinda's new hair being beat Arthur's hair from um the Golden Girls is [ __ ] perfect.

Yeah. Like Luke gave her Golden Girls hair. Like I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know how he can stay employed after giving her that hair, but he did. Um, and Cinderinda's like, "Yeah, I don't think the way's ready to be go back in any sort of polite society." I'm like, "None of you guys are are ready to go into polite society. Nothing about you guys ever even screams polite

or society. Really? I mean, you just dropped a salt shaker on your foot." Yeah, you have a salt shaker injury. You broke your foot with a salt shaker.

He wasn't in a good place. He wasn't in a good place. And she goes, "Yes, what she said. She was self-medicating and I did that. I was getting divorced. I mean with an RPM I mean I didn't hit anybody but still this is bad bad. It's a bad thing. The police were there and that's bad. Okay. This was this was an out of control situation that became public and worse than that the police were involved. That's bad. That's like so bad. Bad. It's like the worst kind of bad. It's like Michael Jackson. I'm bad. I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad. Except it's about the win. It's like Michael Jackson was like the win's bad. The win's bad. And she knows it. She's bad.

Okay. It's like the divorce. Okay. It doesn't matter who won the divorce, who lost the divorce, who came in and attending the divorce, what the goalie was wearing at the divorce. Like, it's not about your divorce, Ramona. Okay.

Selfmedicating. After that divorce, I was addicted to using anti-aging cream. just couldn't stop using it on myself.

If it weren't for if it weren't for that divorce, I wouldn't look 20 years old.

Just like, you know what? Sometimes God stops what you when stops what you're not recognizing you need to stop. I'm like, yeah. Sort of like a salt shaker falling from on high onto your foot and breaking it with supernatural powers. I think

telling you to lower your salt intake. Yeah. I think if ever there was a sign from God, it was your crystalall salt shaker plummeting from the heavens and splitting your foot in half. So Darren is like, "Uh, he had a party in the same place they had the catch me party. Did you go?" And Ramona's like, "No. Uh, no."

The music's like, "You [ __ ] liar." The music's like, "Lie." She starts doing Felix. She's doing Felix the cat eyes like a like left to right, left to right. No, no, I wasn't. Yeah, I spent my New Year's Eve I'm doing like Dinda and Ramon. Whoa, this is crazy. I spent my New Year's Eve at my friend com Pagastino. Okay, he had a great party. I mean, I saw him. I ran into him a lot. Well, not him, but his penis possibly. I don't know. Something happened. And D is like, "Who would go to that barley where you know you're going to see him? Only a low life would go there." And the music's like, "Ramona went there."

Ramona just sitting there like she Ramona just like has like a Christophal salt shaker in her in her like hand. She's like, "Do I qu it now? Do I do it now?" She's just bash like she won't ever think. Okay. You know, Ramona's just a full You know, Ramona is just full of lies when Ramona's quiet because Ramona is never Ramona talks through church like she is never quiet.

Oh, everyone's eating crackers. Why are they eating so many crackers? Don't they realize that carbs of Bath View? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I can't have this communion wine. Is it pogrigio? I don't think so.

Speaking of crackers, it's like, oh jeez. Okay. So, Beth and Bethany and Carol. Uh,

wait. Bethany, you know what? Beth Oh, no. Bethy's in the car. I just wrote Beth car and I That's what I write for Carol, too. So,

no, Bethany was No, Bethy's just talking now. She's talking about Lann being. She's like, "Well, hey, you know what? Like, I'm like I'm proud. I had one of Lann's last big nights. Like, we went out on Halloween. Like, basically, I'll take credit for it." Like, I have like one of her last nights. That was me. It's me.

And then they cut to her, you know, being drunk Diana in a car. just like it's like congratulations. We had a black face night.

Yeah, let's pile on the the um abuse for Lan this episode. They're like, don't forget she was in blackface.

Yeah, let's bring that up. Let's bring that up with Kevin right now. He's like, yeah, this is great. She's like, I want to kill this lady in my back seat. So, she's like, you know, there's so many ways that Lang can handle it. Like, seriously, like literally, she could cry. She could not cry. She could stop. She could not stop. She could smile. She cannot smile. I mean, who knows? Run around the block, not run around the block, you know? Go to a buffet, not go to a buffet. I mean, I don't know. So many.

Yeah. She could sing. She could not sing. She could sit. She could stand. She could walk. She could run.

Sick. I mean, like, she's going to rehab for 28 days. Like, what? What is that 28 days? Like a Sandra Bulock movie? Like, is that enough?

What was that? She could go like hang out with some zombies now, huh? She going to go like take over London right now and be like, I want to eat your brains. Like, literally like she's not going to eat brains, she could eat brains.

She brains like seriously. She goes, "Well, it'll be interesting to see her fresh and like never drink again. And she starts like cracking up in the back seat with herself.

Yeah. She's such an [ __ ] And then um so now I wrote that Carol and Tinsley were talking, but was it just Did I get that wrong? Was Tinsley talking to Dale still?

Uh I wrote Tinsley and Carol. Oh, so they must be talking. Yeah. No, she was never talking to Dale. I just wrote I wrote Tinsley and her mom, but it was Carol. It's just cuz I heard like an old voice on the other end.

No, in my m Oh, in my mind, I thought that she was also talking to Dale. I was fully like when I said to her later.

I mean, I still stand by the fact that Dale was sitting there eating real sister over chocolate. I mean, Dale was on that call, too.

I know. That's why I didn't kick Dale out of that scene. You're having a three-way. Was like, "Go on Carol talk."

I'm just going to sit here in my Russell Stoers. I could see her fully dressed in like a pants suit like sitting outside on a pool chair eating Russell Stock.

Russell's over chocolate. Just listening to Carol and Tinsley. That was a good one, Carol. That was a good joke. Um, so yeah, so Carol and Tinsley are going to talk about how Lann is here from the from the police. And I love they were just like cracking up about the fact that Lan slipped out of her handcuffs cuz that's what we were all thinking. Like how awesome and hilarious is it that Lann got out of her handcuffs and they show it again her just like being like I'm free. I learned that one from El Chapo, my good friend.

Now get over here so I can bite off your head. Now excuse me. I believe there's a tunnel somewhere near here I have to climb into. I'm going [clears throat] to Cuba.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crapp. So, Carol's like, "Oh, I was like, no way." And then I saw the video of the arraignment. Then they show the video and the judge is like, "Listen, okay, I don't know if you're an alcoholic, but stop drinking." And she's like, "Well, you know, I" And he goes, "Look, everything you can say can be used against you, so just don't talk." And she goes, "Oh, okay. Okay, thank you for that. I know I'm not supposed to talk, but what if I sing?" 3 2 1 I'm in court. I'm in court. I'm going to jail cuz I failed at my breathalyzer. I have a question. Why do birds suddenly appear every time I am near?

D. That's night court. Night court, everyone. I had it coming. I had it coming. There I admit it. I only have my stuff and Tom to blame. Dasino [clears throat] singer Frankle madly salt shaker deadly 1:00 [clears throat] 2:00 3:00 rock 4:00 5:00 6:00 rock 7 o'clock let's just get to it jail house rock I hate counting how many counts do I have I am the countess so it comes back to Carol and she's So, Tinsley, were you at the same jail as Luan? And she's like, "Yes, GUN CLUB BROKE GIRL." YES, IT WAS THE SAME. But it wasn't the same because I had a misdemeanor and she has four felonies.

Hey, by the way, are you going to that skinny jeans party? Those [ __ ] people.

So then car Yeah, Carol's not going because her plane lands from LA like an hour before the party or whatever. So, um, and then we see Ramona. What? Ramona and Dinda and Reindd's like you gonna go yes skinny girl jeans party I hope there's no sakers there I'll be extra careful and Ramona's like no wasn't invited and honestly I don't think I would go anyway cuz I don't know Bethany was mean to me and I didn't like and they do a flashback of her being you don't support other women which is like really one of my favorite scenes of all time now I said I've been saying that all week long I'll be like at Sprouts and I'll just be like walking by bananas like you don't support other

like when something's not on sale that you want. I know you don't support other women. Okay, bananas.

Okay. Okay. Um, so we get to see a clip of that again and it's hilarious. And then Dinda's like, "Well, you know, we were in a good place until the nutcracker."

Yeah. And now Direinda Now Darinda has been riled up about this Nutcracker thing where now she's like upset about it, but trying to act like she's not upset, but she's really upset. I mean, she just said thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You know, um, but what was funny is Oh, I guess it was later. Never mind. I'll get to it later. Either way,

negativity in my life. Okay, I don't need that. I could be alone. I was like, you're you hurt yourself with a salt shaker. You cannot be alone. Okay, we know what happens to you when you're alone. You're stabbing yourself in the hands. You're dropping like heavy salt shakers on yourself. The last person that ever needs to be alone is you. Okay.

Yeah, exactly. And Ramona goes, [screaming] "What a bunch we are. What a bunch." Okay. So then, speaking of what a bunch they are, we then go to Sonia. She is in basically a hazmat quarantine of like plastic drapes on her bed because her apartment's going through re renovations, but it looks like someone came in and it's like, "Okay, you have Ebola, so you just stay on your bed until we get this all sorted out."

Yes. It's like the Poisonwood Bible or whatever. Yeah. She's in bed. It's like ET.

Yeah, it is. Um, so she's like, "My god, I'm so thirsty. All this dust. I'm going to be staying with Tinsley because I'm allergic to dust and my Oh, I can't find my underwear, but that's okay. Oh, three bucks. I've got three bucks. And then she's smelling her underwear and piling them up and just going through her bills. And I just love that Sonia is like having a onew woman show in every scene. That's her, you know.

I know. She doesn't even need her facialist to come in anymore. She's just on that bed with a variety of like random items that she's either sniffing or touching. I was like, "This is literally a view of of of Sonia as a homeless lady." Like, I am seeing her right now like with these plastic things up. She looks like she's in her like her own little tarp tent, you know? And I'm not trying to be like insensitive to the situation, but like what I'm seeing right now is I feel like I'm looking at a woman on the street just like rambling and going through random like pieces of like trash. Like not trash, but like

Yeah. It's like you're getting a look on the inside of a tent city, you know, cuz she's literally in like a plastic tent in her bed. She's in a plastic tent like picking up random things, sniffing them like in inhaling like giving herself tinctures which I don't think that's necessarily like a common homeless thing to do but like you know like she's like spraying stuff in her mouth and like it was just it was

so good. It's like a onewoman show. The Sunjina monologues. Yeah. And so she's she's talking about um how she reached out to Lann and everything and she's like, you know, I know that Lann is a strong is a is strong and she's a proud woman. I'm like just like Milu, the proud dog.

I got L a little staircase to get up on the bed. I don't want her to think I'm sticking my nose in it, but when she passes, I'm totally going to blow her ashes in someone's face. Tell you that right now. It's how she sends everybody out. And she has jury jury duties uh call what what is it called? Comments or whatever. And she's like, "You're all guilty. You're all guilty." Which is so how I am.

That was that was actually such a funny moment. I just loved that. Like Sonia Justice, you know what? You're all guilty. Guilty of love in the first degree. Is that so wrong,

Tonnie? It's like Tonnie never comes. So Bethany and Cara Bethy's in the car with Kevin. I wrote Cara again. Damn it. So she's still in the car with Kevin. This is Bas Bethy's whole life basically. Um Bethany in the car with Kevin. She like I got a weird feeling about tonight. Like it's weird. And he goes weird good. She's like no no like unsettled. Like seriously like literally seriously Carol seriously rough patch like like Carol's not even coming. Calm down.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. So now, um, well, before that though, uh, we go to Ramona at the doctor's office and, um,

Oh, how did I skip Ramona at the doctors? Oh my god, what a sin. I don't know. I don't know. I I You're a man of mystery. I don't

Don't try and figure it out then. Okay. I'm like Twin Peaks. You just You just wait until it's over and you say that was good and move on with your day. So Ramona, who was furious at Bethany last week for implying that for saying like, "What? Yeah, oh, you have to have a whole infomercial." Okay, you have to have a whole infomercial. Now she actually literally has an infomercial. This entire scene was a hilarious, hilarious infomercial. So Ramona shows up at this doctor's office and she's like, "Now that my divorce is final, I don't have to work. But let's face it, I enjoy working and I've always been entrepreneurial and I'm really excited to do my anti-aging skincare ageless by Ramona. Okay, people are always saying to me, "You're reverse aging like Benjamin Button. You can facelift, Botox, do this, fillers, that, but it's about what you put on your face." I'm like, Ramona, you have like 10 facelifts

and you have Botox and fillers. I mean, I'm glad that you're keeping it lead, but come on.

Soon, I'm going to be working on a tugboat just like Benjamin Button. I'll be like toot toot because everyone's got to get out of the way from my boat and I'm going to be tugging along my old face because I've anti-aged and become younger. And soon Kate Blanchet will be cradling me like a little baby. And she'll be like, "Whoa, you look great for your age. Are you one years old?" And I'll be like, "No, I'm 63." Okay. People are always saying to me, if you take another dress from the dressing room, you're not ever coming back on my talk show again. Okay,

but guess what? You can say that all you want, but it's not going to change the suppleness, the quality of your skin. Okay, I've always been entrepreneurial. One time when I was a little girl, I was like, "Wo, I want to have a lemonade stand." And I set up a little lemonade stand. Geraldine Par Smith, she came up to me and she was like, "Whoa, you don't know what lemonade even is? That's just water that you put yellow in." And I was like, "No, it's not." She said, "Yes, it is." And she knocked over all my lemonade. And to this day, I still can't listen to Beyonce's album. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Gerald Dean took a lemon off a tree and threw it in my hat. And it hurt. But then when I realized, oh my god, I I don't look 10 years old. I look 9 years old now. I realize citrus. That's what I need. Citrus. To this day, ever since Jine Parson Smith threw a lemon at my head, I have trouble drinking Sprite. can only drink half a bottle of Sprite because it's the lime half. I can't drink the lemon half.

So the doctor, she's like, um, I want to start with the serum that's hydrating. Okay. When I was working with the doctors, I said, I want a serum. It absorbs into your skin. Look, it just melts right into your skin. I'm like, like lotion.

Like lotion, Ramona. Yeah. And the doctor's like, it's so light and so citrusy. She That's my scent. That's my scent. smell me. And she goes, "Yeah, you smell."

She goes, "Yeah, you smell like this." They have a flashback product for a moment.

And there's a flashback of Tom saying, "You smell like grapefruit." Which is also like, who says that to someone?

No kidding. You smell like a Weight Watchers breakfast. I want to give props to Dr. Amy Lewis for rocking a really impressive Deborah Messing wig. Like, you really killed it. Like, you you basically are Grace Hatler. Like, well done. Um, and then Ramona, of course, now is giving herself props. She goes, "Just so you know, I become a maven at whatever I'm interested in." So, for instance, last night I was like, I want to have a slice of cheesecake. I'm a cheesecake maven now. Wow. I become passionate about it. Not just passionate, but I become like intelligent about it. Okay.

I'm a maven of intelligence. Okay. I'm a maven. Cheesecake. Citrus cheesecake. Okay. Yeah. Oh, lemon ricotta. Cheesecake. I'm a maven. # maven.

Bethany was mean about my skin care, but to be successful in life, you can't look behind you or to your left or to your right or upstairs or downstairs, in a car, outside of a car. You just say, "You know what, Bethany? You don't support other women." Okay? You just follow the beeps. And the beeps get louder and louder. You stop and you start digging in the sand until you find a trinket. That's how you're successful. That's the direction you go in. Okay.

Trust me, I'm a maiden. In the car with Bethany and Kevin. Um, so yeah. I got a weird feeling. I got a weird feeling. I'm just unsettled. Like I'm going to see Carol. Like we had a rough patch. Like I thought it was over. I texted her. I was like, "Oh my god, look. It's the holidays." You know, cuz like I was sad and depressed. And so I texted her a picture and I said, "I miss you." And then she said, "That's a lot." And like I mean, well, that's a little. Bethany goes, "I texted I said, "I miss you. You seem cold." I'm like, "Um how are you expecting a a warm response when you accuse someone?" Like, "I miss you. You're cold." Like, you can't insult someone and then be like, "Let's be friends again, Bethany. You got to work on that." Doesn't work that way. Okay.

She goes, "That's not a lot. It's a little." Okay. And I said, "We got issues." And she said, "I don't want to deal with that. We'll talk about we'll talk about it next year." Okay. Well, it's next year and Kevin's like, "Oh, Jesus Christ. Is it another [ __ ] year in the front seat of this car?"

Yeah, exactly. And then she's like, "And I got this knocker situation." Dren's I guess mad at me about that. I mean, like when I I didn't say thank you enough. And then actually they show they show um a flashback of Bethany being like, "Thank you so much. Oh my god. Oh my god. Thank you so much. You save like she was actually being super grateful just not during the party."

Yeah. Just not during the party. It was when Derinda said that she could find it for her.

Yeah. So anyway, so Bethany arrives cuz she's she's showing up at her skinny girl jeans event. So she gets out of the car and then she's like trying to walk through pedestrians. I just love how she just doesn't know how to deal with people. She's like, "Huh? Left, right, huh? Wait, which way do I go?" I wish one of those like uh Bieber things that Ramona has. Wait, left, right. Huh? No, no. Side to side. Shuffle. Backwards. Forward square dance.

And then one of her, "What's the matter? What's going on? What's happening?" Ladies, it's like Bethany, you look marvelous. Now look here. People can walk down Skinny Girl alley. Be bath. Skinny Girl alley. It's an alley made of mirrors where people can see how good they look in the skinny girl chains. Bethany.

Yeah. And if you're too big, then you don't deserve to be in this party anyway cuz you can't fit down Skinny Girl alley. It's a way to weed them out.

Um well, she got in a little trouble. Well, not trouble, but like uh social media trouble, which I guess she's used to. But when she said she was coming out with skinny girl jeans, everyone was like, "Oh my god, how dare you, fat shamer." You know, it's like the most inappropriate label to put on jeans. And so, she's very careful in this episode of being like, "Oh my god, we got size zeros. We got size 3000s." Like, seriously, no one is too fat for my jeans. Okay.

All right. Let's try it. Bring the fattest person you know here and we'll put them in checkings. Okay.

Yeah. So, uh, Tinsley shows up and she's like trying to order a drink from the bartender and she was like, "Uh, do you have any like um like red wine?" No. Uh, white wine? No. He's like, "Well, we have a luchi martini." She's like, "Perfect." I don't know why. She's just like very excited about that luchi martini. She was like, "Oh my god."

Dale's just Dale's just sitting there on the phone be like, "What' he say?" She could put it on speaker. I want to hear you.

What' he say? I'll tell you what, T slay, that Forest Gump was right. You never know what you're going to get. Was that a hazelnut? Was that a hazelnut in that chocolate?

Mom, I broke a potato. But they don't have wine, so I can have Tito. Well, Dustin, don't don't get obsessed when he says he needs more time to himself, Tinsley. Okay,

I am so disappointed. Why? What did I do? Not in you. I just had one of those chocolates that was just chocolate. Who puts cherries inside of chocolates these days? Turns.

When is Mr. Stove going to realize that we need a guide on these chocolate boxes? I don't want to have a surprise every time.

So then we get uh and then Bethany comes up to her. She's like, "Oh my god, it's you, Tinsley. Oh my god, so you were out of town with your boyfriend. Ah, that's great. Did you get a ring yet?" And she's like, "No, just another diamond bracelet."

So then Sonia arrives. She looks fully like the like a white version of the lady in the beginning of Little Shop of Horrors who's like the sun comes up at you know singing Skid Row like you know that goes off at

and it's time to go. She's like that lady walking with like the bags down the street in that scene. Sonia's like, "Well, the alarm goes off at seven. It's time to rise." Like Campbell's like, "Sing it, Chan." Cuz it's a little hilarious. I'm just like I'm doing the total duan. The guy, the guy who's working the buffet is like, "And then you go

downtown." Skinny girl where the jeans are tight. Skinny girl where the drinks are light. Skinny girl where you're just helping Bethany grow down on Skid Row. Okay, I'll tell you. But that's where the skinny girl party is. Skid Row. Who goes there? Okay. They're like, "If I saw that woman homeless in front of singing in front of a building, I'd say, "You know what? You need citrus." Okay. On your face,

it's right. Um, homeless, but at least she'll be young and homeless. Okay. Have you noticed that that homeless lady looks younger and younger and younger?

Anti-aging homeless lady. So, Sonia comes in in like a fur Paddington bear hat. She really She just looks crazy and she's like, "Oh, Jeff, an olive. I'm not eating meat, only vegetables." Like, you're wearing a fur hat.

Yeah. She just goes, "I'm vegan now." Like Like it was just decided literally 30 seconds before.

It's It was like an improv exercise where someone like tapped her and she's like, "Okay, I'm vegan now. Great."

Oh, Veggie Man. Are those vegetables? I'm vegan now. Oh, is that a falafil? I love falafil. That's chickpea, right? And the guy goes, "Garbanzo beans." Which, by the way, is a chickpea, people.

Same thing. And she goes, "Oh, garbanzos. I eat those." And he's like, "Okay." And then she's like, well, she's like, "They make me gassy, though." So then, uh, Sonia, she like she sees like a raw bar with a bunch of like oysters. She's like, "Oh, perfect." And she just starts eating them. She goes, "I mean, I'm vegan, but I allow myself seafood because it's raw." like, uh, the shrimp are cooked, ma'am.

Like, you're making Porsche Williams look good. Okay. Like, how are you making Porsche Williams look like the authority here?

So, then she starts taking the seaweed off the display and she goes, "Oh, that's a display. Well, I had to eat the garnish. It's a delicacy." And then she just starts dancing while she's eating and the buffet guy starts dancing with her. It's like, "Oh my god, that's me at every wedding I ever go to alone."

So, um, Bethany starts making a speech about who knows what. Like, oh my god, jeans. You know, you know what I like about jeans? They can wear them. They fit all all people. And like jeans also like DNA. That's pretty cool. You know, there's like DNA. DNA is in us. And those jeans, jeans, jeans. Like, okay.

Fat girls, skinny girls, you know, any kind of girls, like not really in between, but mostly like really fat or really skinny. Like look, it feels very inclusive to me. And that's what I love about it.

We got like a guy up here, but like it's all about women. Like we have one guy, all women. Like this for women. It's it's a woman thing. It's like, okay. So then uh Direinda like hobbles in. She's now wearing a boot, skinny girl boot, and uh from her salt shaker injury, she's like, "I'm my fit's in black. Yay." So, um so they're all just now they're all just like talking and gabbing. They're kind of all talking over each other and uh Sonia um is talking to Tinsley and and Darinda and she's talking to Tinsley about moving in cuz she's going to be moving in cuz her house's under construction and she's like, "Yeah, I got all my life. My whole world is just on that fourpost bed." And I don't know if you caught this, but Drena goes, I can imagine what that consists of.

And my bet I got a salt shaker. So Beth's like, "All right, Danda, like, are you mad at me? Like, what's going on? Shouldn't you be what? Let's have this conversation once and move through it, okay?" Cuz I've been thinking about it a lot. Like, why'd you say thank you in front of everyone? You should have said thank you. And you know, I'm sensitive about it. But now I didn't even want to see a nutcracker again cuz it's been making me slip crazy. Now I'm seeing nutcrackers everywhere.

It's Christmas. So Beth's response is pretty much like, "Yeah." Well, remember the night before Puerto Rico? Remember how you acted? You act like a crazy person? I sle to Puerto Rico. Huh? How about that? She's like, "We're not even talking about that." Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what friends do. I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. I'm a good friend. Okay. Just remember that. I took on a private plane.

She not only uses your bad minutes against you, she like holds on to it. She's like the movie Jaws. Jaws in the water.

Dindo. Yeah, she Yeah, Bethany is that Jaws movie. Just when you think it's safe to go back in the water. Shaker, you lost a leg.

Shot comes off and takes off your salt shaker. I like how she calls it that Jaws movie. Like, you know, I forgot. It's that movie about the Jaws. Whatever it's called. Jaws. And Beth's like, "Yeah, uh, but why don't you talk behind my back?" Okay. Like if Bethany, she's coming ready to apologize, but then once somebody is nice about it, she's like, "Okay, I'll yell at you then." Like, "If you're not going to if you're not going to turn it on me, then I'll turn it on you." So now she's like, "What? Why'd you talk about behind my back? Like, why can't you just say it to my face?" Like, seriously. And she goes, "Well, you know, it's just because like I thought it was okay." But then Carol came up and said, "I can't believe she didn't thank you." you and the music goes.

And Bethany does like that thing where if you like spritz a cat with water, the cat's like she goes. She drops a ball of yarn and runs under a couch.

Right. By the way, I can't stand the why why' you talk about behind my back? Like you guys all talk about everything behind each other's back. You know, sometimes you just can't talk about everything to someone's face right at that moment. Okay. Someone says something, it bothers you and then you think, hm, I feel like I should talk to Bethany about this, but like maybe I'll talk let me check in with so and so. I think that maybe I'm overreacting. Like sometimes in life you just wind up talking behind someone's back and it's not a thing. It just happens. So like don't try to like derail it this way. So anyway,

that's her argument too later in the episode with Carol. She's like, "What? What? Do I have to say everything to your face?" Like seriously.

Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, but Darinda basically is she kind of throws Carol under the bus. Well, she's like, "Well, Carol is the one who said, "Well, well, like what the hell? She didn't even thank you." So Beth's like, "Huh?" So Bethany is like like, "Well, you know, that's classic Dinda." Okay. She always if she can throw someone under the bus, she will. Okay. She will. And then 2 seconds later, Beth's like, "Well, I heard that you were super mad because Ramona said that you were like inconsolable about it." I'm like, "You just threw Ramona under the bus the way Dinda threw Carol under the bus. What are you talking about, Bethany?"

Well, Ramona has no right to use my voice to say how I feel. And Ramona's very upset with you, okay? And so she's using it to pile on. You see what she's doing? You see what she's doing? And Beth is like, "All right, look. You saved Christmas and that's the truth. Okay, so can we just hug now? Can we just hug? Yay! Christmas sav. Woohoo! Christmas! Yay! You saved Christmas. Yay! Kids are getting presents now. Okay, Drena, can we hug?

Can you give me a like salt shaker, please? So, uh, then this, uh, hot bartender start, but he's like hot with Skevie. He, uh, starts hitting on Sonia and he's like bringing he's bringing drinks to Sonia and Tinsley. And, you know, it's like it's like a typical Sonia being like, "Oh, I'm single right now. I'm single. Let me flick my hair. I'm single. I'm single. You're young. You're young."

Yeah. You know, and he's like too lazy to even make a man bun. He's got like a a man like

I don't know spaghetti pile. Yeah. Yeah. Like a ribbon. It's tied like one of those ribbons that you wear for like breast cancer or AIDS or whatever. Like that little

Yeah. ribbon shape. I'm like So Dinda and Tinsley are talking about Lannne and Da's [clears throat] like I'm not going to say it's all coming but you know you open the cabinet and boom it's on your foot. What are you talking about?

Lou, you know what Lou does? She goes back to the crime scene. She's a crime scene goer. I'm like, is that a thing? A crime scene go.

She's a crime scene go. Yeah. She goes, she's a return to the crime scene go. You know those people who are arenics? I was like, what? I think you mean arsonists. I don't know what she's talking I was trying to figure out what she's talking about.

You know the old You know when people wear old lace, you know, arsonics and old lace. There's they go crime scene. They like a return to the crime scene. Goa. I like how she just like um I like how she creates a new category of person like in a very indelicate way. It's like you know those people who love making left turns. Yeah. Left turn people makers. Yeah.

That's what they're called. Why would you return to your left turn? Go to the breakers. And T's like well I think she might have looked like she was okay but then she got so drunk and she wasn't okay. And Palm Beach is the smallest place on earth and she's making it as numb as possible.

When Denzie said Palm Beach is one of the smallest places on this earth, I was like, "Okay, Tinsley, just relax." Okay. It has an airport. All right. So, like, and I guess now would be a really good time to mention that we're bringing uh Watcher Crappins to Palm Beach. So, yes, I guess you could say that we're crime scene goers, too.

West Palm Beach. And there is a difference. I think we are actually I think our

We are in West Palm Beach, sir. I think the comedy club is in Palm Beach. It's in West Palm Beach Improv.

And you know how I'm going to find out? I'm going to go right now to Watch What Grains.

I'm looking right now. Palm Beach Improv. Let's see. Well, it says Oh, I thought it said West Palm.

You're right. It's West Palm. That's right. I wouldn't be going to Palm Beach. What am I a monster?

How How could I be so silly to think that we'd be in Palm Beach? But, you know, we are going to go to Palm Beach. We are going to take a We're going to take the Lann Tinsley tour of Palm Beach. We're going to cross that bridge

over Tinsley water. Yeah. We're going to be there in August, everyone. So, if you want to come relive, recreate, be a crime scene rego recapturer with us, go to watch.com and get tickets.

So, Bethany comes over and Dinda's like, "Look, how many of us have had that night where we wake up like, what did I do?" And Bethany goes, "Yeah, you did it, Tinsley. Like, you did it." And Tinsley's like, "There is a difference. She hit a cop and she slipped out of handcuffs." And Beth's like, "Oh my god, I love that. That's amazing." Yeah, there's everyone's just like obsessed with the fact that Lann got out of her handcuffs. I love that like the listeners are obsessed and her cast members are obsessed with it. They're like, "That is hilarious. That is the funniest [ __ ] I've ever heard."

Yeah, she's magical. Probably [snorts] the only one who wasn't. Well, no, I was going to say she already laughed about it. Never mind. I was going to say Carol probably wasn't. Carol was probably like, "That's not nice." The handcuffs,

but Carol laughed about it anyway. So, I take it back. My musings from inside my head. This is what goes on inside my head right here. This is what you're all seeing. You're you're um you're crime scene goers in my own brain. Your brain scene

the scene of the So, Sonia's flirting with the young guy again. Um and just, you know, embarrassing herself. Vegans, I don't know animals fur. She's like, "Do you even have a driver's license? Are you 26? Have you ever slept in a bed with with plastic around it?

Do you know what it's like to be under quarantine pay?" So then she's talking to Bethany and uh she's basically, "Oh my god, you are my inspiration. You inspire so many women to, you know, just lose weight or whatever. I'm going to [ __ ] that guy." And Beth's like, "Ah, I think he's my life partner." Which, you know, means Bethy's drunk cuz she's like having fun and being

partnered. Cuz Beth's like, "Seriously, thank you all for coming." Like, seriously seriously seriously thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. Seriously, thank you for coming. I was like, "Okay, she's wasted. She's being nice to them."

I like I like I like Sonia being like, "You are such an inspiration to me. Now I know exactly what to do to never have you yell at me on a couch again in my life. I have learned. I'm inspired by that." Um, by the way, I my browser is still on watch what crappens.com and it the first picture is me looking like a sea otter catching a fish in the air. So, closing that now.

Okay. Um, so Caroline and Caroline Carol and Beth are having Bethany are having lunch together and Carol

Caroline city and Carol shows up with her beats around her neck. SHE'S LIKE, "YEAH, [screaming] YOUTH. [snorts] I'm young 99enters. And then Bethany shows up like a Yeti detective. Okay. She has like a little like was she wearing sunglasses? I think a little hat like a little detective hat. And then this big old like Yeti jacket like monsters that like a white version of the Monsters Inc. monster. And Carol's like, "You're like the abominable snowman." And she's like, "What? Huh?"

Yeah. It's more like Monsters Inc. Like if I'm going to be a monster, it's going to be somebody with an ink. Okay.

Yeah. Senior Monster Inc. Senior VP of Monster Inc. Okay. Like literally, I was so drunk last night. I woke up, my hair pieces were in bag of potato chips, which is hilarious. I mean, like that's how I know I was drunk cuz when was the last time I had a potato chip? Huh?

She needs a bloody Mary, please. She's still hung OVER FROM LAST NIGHT. I was like "Okay Judgy

charge your beats." So that's like, "Oh my god, headphones." The leaking was on. Okay. Like don't support Bose's headphones. Kai, you don't support good audio. I totally win. All she should have done was had some citrus on her face. So, Carol's like, "Oh my god, the story sounds amazing. My favorite PART WAS THE HANDCUFFS." IN my mind, she escaped and she's running across the lawn screaming, "I'm going to kill you all." I mean, we're laughing, but I mean, it's hilarious. just keep laughing.

So, you upset with me? Like, what's going on? I love how Carol orders, too. She goes, "Yeah,

um, bread and a cucumber." I miss that. Bread and a cucumber. Sounds delicious, Carol.

Yeah. So, yeah. Bethy's like, "Yeah." All right. Well, that was done. What's going on? Huh? You upset with me? What's happening? What's the matter? Carol says, she's basically like, "Well, you know, with our friendship, like this summer there was like a new aggressive, dismissive vibe." I'm like, "Carol, are you just becoming friends with Bethany? Like, how have you only now found that vibe with Bethany? That's how she like that's her love language to be dismissive and aggressive."

Yeah. Well, it's like you turn on the sprinklers every night, but then you stand in front of one and you get mad at the sprinkler. Like, [ __ ] you're the one who's turned the sprinklers on. You've been turning those sprinklers on for years now and you've been fine with them.

Really a perfect analogy. Right. It's a seal. That's Carol's voice broken up in his sprinklers. Or if it's the if you just turn on the Carol hose, it just goes

all the plants get scared. um they turn into like those like souls that never got their voices back on Little Mermaid. So, um

so um so Carol basically is like, "Well, I heard I heard that you were like annoyed with Adam and I wanted to talk to you about in the Birkers, but then all you wanted to talk about was how our friendship shifted. The friendship shifted. I didn't get to talk about Adam." And they're like going back and forth about this Adam stuff. And my favorite part about this was then on the bottom of the screen a Jurassic World promo popped up. Did you see this?

Like like a like a Tyrannosaurus Rex and a Velociraptor. Like I was like that is so perfect right now. Carol and Bethany and then these two dinosaurs are coming at us. Like what is the scariest part? What is the scariest thing on this screen right now? I'll tell you one thing. It's not the T-Rex.

The other one has a cucumber and some toast. Ever girl. So Beth's apologizing because she did call Carol and really [ __ ] talk Adam, but she did that because she thought they were broken up. So it's kind of her way of helping being like, "Yeah, she's an asshole."

Yeah. And she and by the way, she said she's not upset at all about Carol's contributions to her. She's like, "I don't I don't care about that. I don't care about But like you said, she basically was like, you know, I like I actually like Adam, but you know what? I was like, I he what he said, it rubbed me the wrong way and I called you up and I talked a lot of [ __ ] cuz I thought you guys were totally broken up, so I thought like I was able to do that and it would be okay. And then Carol's like, "But it wouldn't have been okay anyway."

And she's like, "No, I know." And she goes, she goes, "Listen, I question his motive sometimes and that's my prerogative." And you know, it was my bad. And she actually was like fully like, "No, I should not have I I I talked too much. I I I I misjudg the situation is basically what she's saying.

But she keeps saying I'm allowed. I'm allowed. Okay. Like I'm allowed to say that. And so Carol uh she goes, "But look, Carol, I love you. Like seriously, like it's Christmas and I texted you and I sent a picture of us." And I said, you know, like I miss you. And then you said it's a lot. And she goes, "You said that's what happened. That's not what actually happened." And she goes, "So what happened?" And then Carol just kind of rolls her eyes cuz Bethy's like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah." And it's like commercial. So we come back.

And also I just want to say before going down this path a little bit that that Carol says that she doesn't like that Bethany saw saw Adam's actions in a negative light. What what she doesn't cuz Bethany says that the way Adam acted that it rubbed her the wrong way. And Carol says that she doesn't like that Bethany thought that Adam's actions saw Adam's actions in a negative light and then talked to everyone else about it. So she hasn't she feels like Bethany went and just like yammered and talked [ __ ] about Adam to everyone.

And she's like, "Well, I got to LA and I opened my phone and you've got all these texts and you're like, "Why are you mad and Ramona's a terrible person and all this?" And I said, "This is not a conversation for text." And then you just kept texting and texting and texting and which is so Bethany. She's like, "What? I just said, "I love you." And it's like, "Of course she didn't." She called.

It's like 10 pages of text just ranting like a crazy person. I love that she just like annoyed the [ __ ] out of Carol. Carol's like she's like like what's going on? I miss you. And then she's just like ranting about Ramona and Carol's like uh I I I can we just like talk about this when we get back to I can't right now. And then Bethy just kept on texting her. And then I like Carol goes she had no respect for what I just said. I'm like well okay well yeah I guess she didn't because you said can we talk about this later? But like, you know, if someone keeps texting you after you say, "I can't talk right now." You just be like, "Gh, they're being annoying." Don't be like, "They have no respect for me and for my boundaries."

Like, take a seat. Okay, Carol. Yeah, calm down over there. She's like, "I'm going to write an article about this in vogue

or whatever." So, now Carol's now Carol starts saying that she's mad that Bethany said that she looked sad when when Carol left Bethy's uh Christmas party. When Bethany was like, "She looks sad." So, Carol's like, "I didn't like that." And Carol's like, I would I I would never tell Ramona that you look sad about your breakup with Dennis. I'm like, even though you but you did, sorry, I'm getting twisted in my own logic. She's saying, if it were me, I would never be like, oh, you look sad. You look sad. I'm like, but when you walked out of the party with Darinda, you were like, "Wow, she didn't thank you." I'm like, "So, you would do something like that?"

Yeah. They're all hypocrites. And I love it. And Beth's like, "Uh, like I'm not allowed to say that. What do I have a gag order? Like, seriously? like I can't talk about you if like I said what's half what's happen

I would love to see with the gag order yeah good luck still she'd still be like

the gag would give up be like I can't like you guys can't hear it because I'm covering it but like my ear that's in her mouth is like I can't hear any more of this [ __ ]

breaking news a gag has killed itself a gag jumped out of someone's mouth and into traffic New York And it was run over by Kelly Benson. Um

who is friends with Julie Gwynneith Paltro. Yeah. So, Carol, basically, Carol doesn't like that Bethany has been gossipy. That's what it that's what it really boils down to. She feels like Bethany has been talking behind her back about about Adam and now she's talking about Ramona and she just feels like Bethany is super gossipy and that's that's that's the issue.

Yeah. She didn't even know they had a problem till she heard about it from everybody else, which is true. Um, but here is also where I switch sides. It's like it happens every week. I'm It's not really sides cuz I think they're both [ __ ] But now I'm like, "Okay, Carol, enough. Like, shut up." Like her blog the week that this came out came out the day either the day before the show aired or the day of the show. And it's just another like rant against Bethany. And it's like, "Okay, you you're overplaying your hand, ma'am.

Okay. Nothing that's happened is this bad. Yeah, it's weird because I feel like Bethany actually stated her case really well and I'm like, you know what Bethy's saying is like she did say, you know what, she seems sad and she also was she was like very upfront about that whole conversation she had about Adam and everything, but then where Bethany lost me is that like she made it sound like she sent three lines of text and then Carol's like, "No, she was texting this, this, and this, and this." And I was just like, "This is too big of a conversation. We'll talk when we back get back in New York." So, it's like Bethany is leaving out information, which is not that's not cool. But then again, Carol, it's like why did you just call her? Like, why did you not? And I think that's that's like part of the issue is that there probably was a time where Carol would have called and they would have talked and then Carol doesn't

call her now. So, that's why Bethy's acting crazy. And uh Carol's like, "Oh, should we hug it out? I'm not really a hugger." Bethany goes, "Well, we're debating." Bethy, like Carol,

everything you do is the debate. You're always debating. It's like you're checking boxes. Like, you win, Carol. Yeah. You You win. You win. Okay. You just You win. Yeah. You got to check the box. She's like, "No, that's what you're doing, Bethany." Which is funny cuz that's like a debate, but And then Beth's like, "I I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Like, literally, I can't I can't. And Carol's like, "I don't want an apology." It's like, "Oh my god." And then Bethany goes, "It's like It's like you're just being so critical. You're so critical. You're so critical." Like, do you remember that you reamed out Ramona last episode? Do you remember, Miss Like, like Bethany is not critical.

Yeah. Do you remember every talking head you've done? Like, even in this episode?

Yeah. So, she pulls out a loge. That's how you can tell that Bethany is like now like rendered powerless. She has to pull out a loge.

Yeah, my throat. Um, so or my throat. Sorry, it was the wrong Len voice. That was Bethy's voice. When she needs a loy Okay, that's much better. Listen, I'm I'm sorry. I want to I apologize to you. I apologize, Adam. Apologize to everyone. Apologize the waiter. Apologize the losen. Apologize the yeti who I killed to get this jacket.

All right, I'll just sit here peacefully, suck this lost and watch you eat bread in a cucumber. Okay.

Yeah. Uh and so they talk about hugging and she's like, I'm not really a hugger. She you [ __ ] me before. Okay, let's hug you in again, Bethany.

Yes. They have like a fake resol hugging hugging resolution moment. Um, so now now we go to uh Sonia's oh to Sonia moving into Tinsley's hotel apartment.

So good. So Sonia is thrilled cuz this is like the lap of modern luxury. It's not like the old broke down leftover luxury from days of your

It's like this new luxury thing. And she's like Jenzie's like no one is going to call me a bad friend again. So she's like welcome. Look, I got you a Louis Vuitton. Beg, there's a Louis Vuitton. And is like, oh my god, a Louis Vuitton.

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, listen. Somebody stayed on my yacht once and they gave me a Louis Vuitton and it has hand painted. It was a fake and I tried to return it. I was like, I'd like to return this Louis Vuitton to the Louis Vuitton store. They wouldn't take my Louis Vuitton. And that's when I got my first my first head shot. Not headshot. What a mug shot.

Yeah. So Tinsley was like she's like uh okay here are the rules when you stay with Tinsley. There are no rules. Actually there's one rule. You can't actually stay with me. You're going in a different room.

You got the penthouse. This was so good that she rented a whole penthouse to not have Sodia in her house. I mean that is priceless.

And Sonia's like who can say no to a penthouse? [gasps] It's her plastic for over the bed just in case there's mites.

Yeah, even actually she still managed to complain a little bit because she's like, "Well, it's bittersweet because I was really looking forward to having a slumber party." I was like, "You have a penthouse in Tinsley's hotel apartment." Okay. Like, just take it and you got a Louis Vuitton bag for free.

Well, she's happy. Sonia Tinsley made up for it. Tinsley finally made up for it. Sonia was happy as a clam at a raw bar being by a vegan. Yeah, she really [gasps] she really was. So Darinda goes to the park and she's like getting her phone up to her face and it looks like it's going to be for FaceTime, but then Lan Lann calls and she's like, "You got me doing an Insta. It's what I like to call Durant on a bench."

This is more shocking. Hearing from you is more shocking than a giant salt shaker falling and breaking my foot.

That's a sequel to Misery called Salty. M well I can hardly believe it. First of all, here was the plan. I was invited to a wedding in Chile and I figured I would fly into Palm Beach and just stay with a friend and then go see my family in in Jupiter. And then, well, it didn't happen like that.

Turns out El Chapo already flew out flew down to Chile, took my spot, and I was like, well, what am I going to do? Am I just going to sit around here in Palm Beach and drink? Guess what? Option B. Oh. And then I go to lunch and I sit in the same seats where I had lunch with Tom. And then I went and had cocktails at the place we loved having vodka martinis and I had vodka martinis. And then I ended up in the hotel. We had a wedding lunch in. Why did I do that? Then I went to a shoe store where I sat down. I was like, "Hey, I remember sitting in this exact space to try on some Crocs with Tom." There was a crosswalk. We wouldn't wait for the light to blink. And I walked across crosswalk without waiting for the light to blink. Why?

I went into a yogurt land. It's the same yogurt land that Tom and I used to go into. I would use the exact same nozzle to pull the exact same flavor that I always get a yogurt land. The same ones with Tom. Why? Why?

I watched Friends on the plane. That's what I did with Tom. Why would I do that?

I sat on the aisle. I only sit on the aisle. Why? Last time I sat on the aisle was with Tom. Why? Why?

Not to mention the aisle. Oh, we went to D I went to Dave and Busters by myself. I did ski ball. I always did ski ball with Tom. Why would I do that? What a mistake.

Oh. So she goes, so Dinda's like, well, cuz Lan's like, oh, all these emotions, they just came flooding back. Too much for me to handle. And Dinda's like, don't ever go back to Palm Beach. That is not a vacation destination for you anymore. No more Palm Beach. What about West Palm? No. Uh, well, I was trying to drink out of drink out the emotions, you know. I knew I needed help and I hit a wall. I wish it hadn't been a brick wall. What am I, the Kool-Aid man? 3 2 1 is a brick wall. I hit my head hard on the brick wall.

Kool-Aid brick wall. And then before you knew it, the piano man switched into a montage we hadn't even practiced. Bad boys. Bad boys. What you going to do when they come for you? E,

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna slip out of my handcuffs and sing. Three, two, one. Lut crack. Knock. No. Not nut crack. Knock crack. Um, did you notice Darinda's iPhone?

She had So, she, you know, she's talking to Lan. So, it has her contact. You know, like when you call someone on an iPhone at the top, it'll say like, it'll say like Ronnie Karum. But if I have like two um entries, contact entries for you. Let's say I have one that says like Ronnie Carum and one that says like um flip it, you know, from TVM. If you call me, it would say Ronnie Carum or Flip It. So on hers, it said Land Deeps or Lana. And it like couldn't even fit on the screen. It's It said L u A N A D E S S like one word. Like clearly the first time that Dinda ever met Lan, she just mashed in these letters like Essent

before I wins the space bars. Well, I hope that's not her eyes contact. They'd be like, "What the [ __ ] is this?"

Hey, my foot's turning black. Like what? Let me tell you something. Now that I'm a childbird who's flown in the coupe, I'm now in rehab and trying to avoid all these zombies in these 28 days while I'm here. I I have to say it was hard. [gasps] The the hard thing was calling my my children and being like, "No Taco Tuesday this week. I'm in jail." And then I had to call my mom. And

my mom hasn't been this disappointed since I did a news a news story in a big lot's parking lot.

I'll tell you, this is rock bottom. You can't get worse than being arrested. This is rock bottom. I'm like, m can get a lot worse than being arrested, probably.

Yeah. Give it time, honey. Give it time. So, she's like, well, I'm reconnecting. I'm reconnecting with my soul. And Dinda's like, "That sounds good. I want to come." It's like, "You'll get your chance."

Oh, you certainly will. You certainly will. She's like, "Well, you do have to get arrested first." I think three mug shots is enough of this group. Who's the third mugshot?

Sonia. Oh, I forgot Sonia got arrested. I thought you just mentioned it. I did.

I actually forgotten, too, until you I thought you had mentioned it just before. Yeah, Sonia has a mug shot.

Oh, I forgot. I forgot and I just mentioned it. I mean, that's pretty sad. Well, you know, it happened. It was a Louis Vuitton incident. I uh I got leprosy from a fake Louis Vuitton vendor. Had to be in quarantine on my bed.

Oh yeah, that was a just kidding mention. I didn't know Sonia had a mug shot. I love it.

I think it's from a DUI, I think. I don't know. You can look it up. It's a very pretty mug shot.

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Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz"?

In order: 0:00 Darinda, El Chapo, Bethany, Mark Tinsley; 10:00 Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Bethany, Darinda; 20:00 Bethany, Ramona, Darinda, Mark Tinsley; 30:00 Bethany, Mark Tinsley, Darinda, Ramona; 40:00 Bethany, Mark Tinsley, Palm Beach, Ramona; 50:00 Bethany, Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Darinda; 1:00:00 Darinda, El Chapo, Palm Beach.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

15 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Bethany, Ramona, Mark Tinsley, Darinda, Palm Beach, Sonia. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "#3140 Crappens Rewind: RHONY: Escape from Lu-catraz"?

The episode runs 1 h 8 min; the transcript is about 13,146 words in 246 timestamped sections.

More from Watch What Crappens

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.