Transcript

My Secret Santa Part Four With Reality Gays

From Watch What Crappens · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 58 min · 11,776 words · 286 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "My Secret Santa Part Four With Reality Gays", an episode of Watch What Crappens published January 5, 2026 (58 min, about 11,776 words). It mentions 6 people, works and ideas, including Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew, Rachel Zoe, Screaming Kittens, Richard Grio.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: Ari Matthew, Richard Grio, Screaming Kittens
  2. – 10:00: Adam Taylor, Quail Springs Mall, Richard Grio
  3. – 15:00: Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew, Screaming Kittens
  4. – 20:00: Adam Taylor
  5. – 25:00: Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew
  6. – 30:00: Adam Taylor
  7. – 35:00: Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew
  8. – 40:00: Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew
  9. – 45:00: Ari Matthew, Adam Taylor
  10. – 50:00: Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew
  11. – 55:00: Adam Taylor

Notable quotes from "My Secret Santa Part Four With Reality Gays"

  • Scene and Santa's going viral. It's crazy. Everybody's excited. The news is all a buzz. They're interviewing Matthew about it.
    about Ari Matthew · at
  • Zoe is of course like totally ungrateful. She's Mother, why didn't you tell me about the screaming kittens? There's a little thing called the internet. Why the secret? And she's Of course I knew.
    about Screaming Kittens · at
  • So, Taylor also comes in and she's What are you doing here?
    about Adam Taylor · at
  • It was a big day at Quail Springs Mall when the Dillards showed up. It was like literally like a movie like everyone.
    about Quail Springs Mall · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Adam Taylor — Person · 31 mentions · first at
  • Ari Matthew — Person · 12 mentions · first at
  • Rachel Zoe — Person · 3 mentions
  • Richard Grio — Person · 2 mentions · first at
    Introducing you to your dad. this man told me that he was the cousin of Richard Grio and I believed him and I had sex with him and that's how you came around.

Companies & orgs

Places & events

Full transcript with timestamps

[bell and music] Hello and welcome to the epic conclusion of the reality gays watch what crapens crossover experience as we recap my secret Santa on Netflix. And now without any further ado the last part of our epic recap. So, um, guess what? This stuttering girl singing jingle bells, it goes viral because apparently the internet's having a slow week.

I'm telling you, we find out the top search the top search on Google that week was stop my [ __ ] kid from stuttering and now she has just gone viral.

So, everyone if your kid stutters, sing jingle bells at their face and that's all you have to do. It's going to cure it immediately. By the way, I am taking these little voice lozenes. I don't know where this is going. I think I accidentally just took a gummy. So, I got about 30 minutes here, y'all.

A boy. A boy. Wow. I should pick one of those, too, actually. So, now the dad is like the dad's excited. It sounds He's like, "Whoa, looks like we're back on track. We are Santa. We went viral. So tell Santa that they Santa's going to be our guest of honor at their Christmas party and it's going to be amazing.

Yeah, it's usually what could go wrong. [snorts] Yeah. So then so Natasha comes up with an idea. She's like, "Wait a minute. There is something fishy. Why does Why does Matt want to [ __ ] Santa? I'm going on Grinder."

So of course she's got a glass of wine with her. That's that's that's the that's even more

You know what bothered me the most? I think when she set the d wine on the table, I think the wine glass was plastic.

Oh, I noticed that actually. Oh, I hate drinking wine out of a plastic cup. I hate it.

But that's her life though. Like that's the thing is this. She's been divorced. She did she got screwed out of like a settlement he hasn't paid as child support. And she's trying to just get that promotion and she's got these plastic wine cups and then she's got this this she hears about someone in town complaining about the cost of snow academy. She's like, I can't even get my glass wine glasses. This is the third time this week I've worn this business suit.

Yeah. So, this is the first I sleep in this office. This is the first time we see her start to try to use Google. And it's hilar. It becomes a running joke for me in the movie. So, she's like, I'm going to look something up on this person, but I don't know how. And then we leave to the next scene and uh Santa's going viral. It's crazy. Everybody's excited. The news is all a buzz. They're interviewing Matthew about it. They're like, "You heard it here first. The crowds love him." And Matthew's like, "And I love him, too."

And when I look in his eyes, I just want to [ __ ] him. If his biggest Achilles Hill is that he's

nervous to talk in front of people, wouldn't he be nervous to talk on the news?

He is suddenly has no problem with He went to Toast Masters. Toast Toast Masters.

I've been to Toast Masters. Toast Masters. It's great. I my friend went to was was like doing Toast Masters and she and I was visiting her in DC and she's like, "Hey, just so you know, tonight I've got to go to Toastmasters, so do you want to come?" And so I went to Toast Masters and they made me the Marshall for that night. I was like the Marshall at arms, which meant that I had to close the door when Toast Masters started.

Great. Wow, that's a good one. Great story. And then they guess what I learned at Toast Masters. cuz and then everyone took off their clothes and had a big orgy

like in [clears throat] the movie Hair and you were in the middle of a of a buckake

I knew what they were saying. So then um Zoe is of course like totally ungrateful. She's like, "Mother, why didn't you tell me about the screaming kittens? There's a little thing called the internet. Why the secret?" And she's like,

"Of course I knew." She's like, "I don't care. You can look it up on Happening. That's fine. It's my past.

Oh, really? Like my dad? Um, [ __ ] you. Do you understand what I'm going through to get you through snowboarding school? What are you coming for me for? I just put you in snowboarding school and now you're coming to me about some 15year-old drama with some loser in a bar.

That was the That was the cheapest shot to be honest. It was And I actually I actually saved you by never introducing you to your dad. You know, this man told me that he was the cousin of Richard Grio and I believed him and I had sex with him and that's how you came around.

Richard Grio. Yeah. Richard Grio was the hottest thing in like 1994 until he wasn't.

I mean, that's just how it goes though. Yeah. Is that how God Richard Grio I'm going to look him up. Greek.

It's not It's not great. It's not good. It's not good, Ronnie. I'm telling you now.

It's not great. It's Bless his heart. Yeah, you're not. The hairline wasn't kind.

Look, look, neither was the mess. Aging. My god, aging happens. But yeah, this it's not the aging. It's the

It's I think there was some kind of substance abuse almost. Yeah, it looks like it looks sad.

Yeah, it looks sad. Well, this was fun. All right, everybody. Thanks for coming with us.

Devastated. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I brought Richard Grio into this, but now the Christmas skirt is definitely gone now. Yeah, this it's gone now. So, um, now Matt sits in Santa's chair, which excuse the [ __ ] out of you. Like, what is this guy doing? He's sitting in Santa's chair in the middle of the night. It's not even during business hours. He's got

on his butt. So, Taylor also comes in and she's like, "What are you doing here?

I don't know. None of this makes sense. I'm telling you." So, she's like, "What are you doing here? Santa doesn't start till noon tomorrow." Yeah, then what are you doing here? Why is everybody trying to [ __ ] somebody in Santa's chair? I well it's not that's a story

and Taylor's taking [clears throat] us back to the clinic counter. He's like oh

oh boy at the Quail Valley Mall. What's it called? Quail Springs Mall. Quail Springs Mall.

Sorry. It's interchangeable. It is interchangeable. Named after Dan Quail. Yes, of course. They're like, "We have hereby renamed Little Creek Mall the Quail."

Oh, I remember here. It was a big day at Quail Springs Mall when the Dillards showed up. It was like literally like a movie like everyone.

The Dillards are coming. The Dillards are coming. Oh god. When the Dillards came.

It's a big deal. It's a big deal, guys. Big deal. Okay, so they flirt while he's in the Santa seat.

You know where I can get a good hot chocolate? meaning your dick. Drop the hot chocolate [ __ ]

And so they get a drink and we're walking in town and this is where we find out. He's like, "So it's always been you and Zoe." And that's where she said just kind of says it's almost like between sips. She's like, "Well, I got pregnant in college and had to drop out of school."

Her father and then the baby daddy left town and I never saw him again. This is really milky, you know? It's not the cheap stuff.

Yeah. It's like and then he then he trauma dumps on her and says, "Yeah, my mom died when I was 15. Didn't handle it well. Got into trouble." And she's like, "But you were grieving. I wanted to rebel and disco and and discover the world." And he's like and she's like, "And now you're running the place." So why is she so rosy with this guy, but she's so like life sucks kids. That's what it is.

She's It's called compartmentalization, right? Okay. Ah, we do. Like to I think to the people that she loves she loves and to everyone else she hates

you know. So they decide they've got like some kind of chemistry because they're both miserable at heart. So there's cute. So then we goes back we go back to Natasha who's still trying to Google

and she Googles Hugh man nothing which is hilarious. And image search doesn't work either. I love how many humans there are though because she's like, "Oh my god, there's hundreds of humans with faith Facebook profiles."

Oh god. And then she Googles then she she does a Google image search of her dressed as Santa. So Santa's come up. She's like, "Wait a minute. This [clears throat] is unfair."

My favorite part. Yeah. As she's later googling cuz she Googles for a while. I mean happenings, whatever they would call it.

Happening. Yeah. I I love that like her first instinct is not to look up the social security number that she actually has access to. She's like, "Let me look up this name." Hugh man,

you're an employer. You can do a Lexus Nexus search really easily. Also, y'all, they have they have an address. They have an address where this guy's check.

I don't think you get Yes, I think there's direct deposit. What is the name on the checking account?

It is. You can't just put a social security number with the wrong name anyway. None of this makes any sense,

right? None of it. None of that's the whole premise falls apart. Well, you know what also falls? Taylor when she's skiing. Cuz now they're skiing cuz they're they're dating.

And now you're getting so much better. I never would have thought you had a pregnancy that ended your time at Overland. This is great.

Here's the thing. This is such a [ __ ] red herring because it doesn't need to happen. We never mentioned skiing before. We've mentioned snowboarding, but it's just like this is five minutes we didn't need.

And oh well, we they need to have like a date. They need to like build their actual like relationship. They need to

then we do a record date. We need to do a guitar date or we do a sing date because that's going to pay off later. This doesn't

Well, it just keeps going because now we get to see Matt play in a band somehow. He's in a band and she's like, "Oh my god, I had no idea you were so good." And she pulls out the unicorn lip gloss. And he's like, "Wait a minute.

We don't like all the people I want to [ __ ] in this town use the same lip gloss."

He literally goes, "That's a popular brand." Like he like gives her these shoes and she goes, "Yep." And she doesn't even think like, "I'll put this away." She's like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh." And he's like, "Okay." Never talked about again. Also, I want to say this again, evidence of Igrieve that this was written by a gay man. A straight man is never going to notice what type of [ __ ] lip balm a woman is putting on her face. Ever. Ever. Ever.

But that's why they made a unicorn lip balm. And they even gave it a little unicorn head. And he picked it up off the floor the last time and looked at it and kept it. He pocketed it. So I think you see it's like pulling a Jack in the Box out of your dispenser. You know,

she doesn't even actually You know why? Cuz the first time she doesn't realize that she lost it. But also like why is she using such like a like lip balm that's like sold at Claire's boutique? Like what why is she like your

mind when she gave up like all joy like childhood joy years ago when she got pregnant.

Yes. But I also love that like this does not connect any dots for him whatsoever. Not now, not later. It's just like

Friday or he should have pulled it out of his pocket cuz he kept it and been like, "Wait, see I found this. You had this." You know, there freak out. This moment is You know what?

When he saw the two men [ __ ] in the bathroom, maybe he should have seen the unicorn lip balm on the floor.

Oh, or something like that. I don't know. Well, either way, this moment is interrupted because the guy on stage is like, "Hey everyone, I want to give a shout out." Because he had already he told his friend on stage. He goes his friend who all of a sudden he knows when this like this guy's like this super famous billionaire who's like traveling around but now is like friends with the head of this like whatever this guy who had like a piercing by the way which I thought was very provocative for a Christmas movie. This guy had like a nose piercing. I was like wow.

Oh in a holiday movie. Let's not scandalize people too much. Guys, when did we take the Christ out of Christmas? Carry on.

So he's like hey I want to give a shout out from the band Screaming Kittens. It's Taylor. Come on up and do a song, Taylor. And they're like, "Come on, you got to do it. It's Vertical Horizon. Sing with them. It's the collab."

I know. [clears throat] The whole town's like, "Oh my god, yes, it's it's Taylor from Screaming Kittens." Screamy Kittens.

She's like, "What? No, you don't understand." And she runs out like Cinderella, but she leaves her lip gloss behind. She is very careless with her lip gloss. I mean, you know what? Maybe that's where the rent money is going. All the stuff she's leaving behind.

We see how terrible she is with money now. He buys more lip balms than poodle and that's saying something because I love a lip balm.

He loses. Guys, by the way, my lips are so smooth right now. Oh, that's great. 3 hours later, I I've exfoliated the [ __ ] lips.

They're definitely plumper. Well, Ma Ma Matthew goes running out and he's like, "Sorry, people were excited. They actually cared. Whatever." She's like, "No, no, don't worry. I'm just traumatized." He's like, "Look, but it's it's riding a bike." She goes, "What? being traumatized or like singing both. She's like, "No,

no, no. Penal. It was my dream. It was my dream. It was my life. I had to give it up when I had that wretched child.

Bills had to take a crappy job putting Santa faces on Santa's to put food on the table. You just don't get it. And it's not your fault." He's like, "G.

Can you let me understand? I'd rather be with you and no one but you. You're never going to understand a person like me. It's like, I know I don't get being poor, but can you let me try? We can roast some wieners over a trash fire.

I can put I can put dirt on my face. I don't know. We can hop train cars together.

I can put beans and we can eat them on a fire. We can steal a sheet from room 205 and use it for our bindle.

Exactly. And carry around like a hobos. I like the rain together. Yep. You don't understand. I had a I was into music, but then I had a child and then I just had bills. Bills, bills, bills. Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills?

Can you pay my automobiles? Pay me automobiles. I'm sorry. I just can't sing anymore because of the trauma.

Because of the trauma. Then she says, I don't think I can do this again. You mean the time I assume she's been celibate since she had a daughter and

that's what she makes it sound. Yeah. Yeah. And so she's like she's like we had to understand her having bad relationship with men. We've had we've known none of them. If we met like four ex-boyfriends in the town, we would get it like oh she's just really bad at relationships. But no, it's only one. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry to leave this romantic date in a well a very brightly lit restaurant with dorm room furniture, but I have to go now.

Anyway, now meanwhile, back at Natasha's land, she's still she's still uh googling and guess what? She found something. It turns out the social security number belongs to someone named Taylor. And she's like, "Aha, I figured it out." Taylor, a latte boy.

Taylor brings me coffee brings me joy. Sorry. Deep musical theater nerd joke. Really not that deep. But uh Ronnie, you know that song, don't you? It's this awful thing that people use musical theater girls.

I think it's deeper than you think. I think only musical Taylor the Latte Boy. A terrible song.

Oh god. It was a song from It was It's a standalone song. stand a lone song called Christian Chennowith made it really popular and then every girl wanted to sing it in auditions. It was like there's a guy who I works at Starbucks and it's very inspirational and he's very inspirational. Taylor the latte boy brings me Java brings me joy. Taylor the latte boy I love him. I love him. I love him. It was during that time when musical theater was like you kind of had to speak it and everything was like new and then you had a big note and everything is great because I'm still demure and a girl.

Oh god. And I want to throw myself down a flight of stairs when I hear it. But yeah, I want to keep going. I'm sorry.

I didn't know that was going to get so gay and I apologize. We need to move on.

No, I loved it. Yeah. Fat. Yeah. [clears throat] Yeah. So, um, back at the at the apartment building, a door lead knocks on the door and she's like, "So,

Taylor, you didn't tell me your dad is Santa from the viral video on the internet.

I know he's not real, but he's good enough for me. I'm not picky." Okay. Mama Horny.

Give me some of your daddy. Wrap some gifts and shove them up my tree. I've got to use a stocking stuffer, [ __ ]

I've got Doxy Taylor. It's going to be a good Christmas. And a fresh batch of gingerbread. I made it with scotch.

And then she says, "I got to go check on Zoe." How old's your kid? She's not eight.

Yeah, exactly. She's in snowboarding academy. Tell your daddy I can take his pull up myself. my south mouth.

Yeah. Meanwhile, um Oh, yeah. She gets at her guitar. That's a really big moment.

I forgot about that. Thank you. That's a big moment. But she she gets into her closet. She goes into her closet. She's like a closet. She has a closet of music. And she pulls out her her old guitar, which somehow her dumb daughter never was like, "Mom, why is there like electric guitar in the closet?" Um, so she pulls it out and she starts playing the song and you know in her mind she's thinking

someday someday I'm going to get back to singing Rock and Rudolph. I got to say that last song was one of the most disappointing things about the movie. I was just kind of like

I agree. Uhoh. Going back to Rudolph. Yes. Run terrible. The next Rudolph the latte boy. Rudolph the latte boy. Your nose is red. Can you [ __ ] me with it? Um, the next day, uh, I think now the kids are sorry, heckling the main bully kid. It's just heckling Santa now. This kid is unredeemable.

Truly. She's She's She is just a little nasty piece of work. I know. And Santa like, where are you supposed to be? Santa is supposed to be the North Pole, you fat [ __ ]

Yeah. Aren't you supposed to be sliding down a little piece of wood? Yeah. And her her disses are so bad, too. She's like, "Aren't you supposed to be in the North Pole letting up your sleigh?" [clears throat]

Like, "Yeah, aren't you supposed to be like He's like, "How do you know that?" He's like, "I'm Santa." That is a line they use all the time that I know everything Santa.

That's a recurring here, you little you little urchin. What's you little delinquent? I got kicked out for the day.

And it's like, there's this girl. I didn't She said something I didn't like. Yeah. And I like that. Um I like that Taylor's like, "Well, guess what? Being a teenage girl is tough." And I know the bully's like was like, "What?

What are you uh what?" This is when we proceed to get a lot of backstory about a character we don't really know.

And basically, she's like, "My mom never spends time with me and I'm lonely and I'm a [ __ ] because I have mommy issues." We're like, "Oh, thanks for the plot."

My dad's in London. My mom works somewhere nearby, but we don't know who she is. And I'm angry because I'm not getting enough attention. So, I'm acting out and going after the new girl at Snowboard Academy. I'm mad.

And so, the the the level of self-awareness this bully has is absolutely ridiculous. Also, it's ridiculous that I remember when I was doing uh like counseling and I had to work with teens, which was [ __ ] And Jake knows from teaching, kids just don't open up to a stranger and start talking like this. Especially Santa, and especially a kid who's an [ __ ] and who's angry.

And the kid is also like very like she's, you know, the the you know, Taylor's like, you know, I know a girl who never met her father. That's you know, that's Zoe. or whatever. And she's like, "You know her?" She's like, "Yeah, I know." And she goes, "Did Zoe tell you that I'm a bully?" No bully ever says that.

No bully ever thinks they're a bully. No. Maleficent still stitches. Maleficent still thinks she was right.

I saw the movie. I saw the movie. She was She was right. Was they always right. All the

Yeah. So Taylor's like, "Oh, I don't think you're a bully, kid, but sometimes hurt people hurt people. Santa's going to hurt you. Someone keeps stealing Santa's lip gloss. Okay. It's very, very hurtful.

By the way, what Santa offloads their problems on some kid. Santa's been hurt, too. You know, Santa hasn't had it easy. Santa wanted to be an accountant, but somehow wound up with this [ __ ] job.

And sometimes Santa just sits in his armchair and drinks a whole bottle of scotch at the end of the night and thinks about what could have been. So, I heard too, kid. Yeah. And everyone said, "No, you can't do that." Get over our behind us. Our hurt and put it behind us.

What kind of [ __ ] is this? And don't think about it. Oh, merry Christmas. It gave up on a midnight clear.

Let's make two wishes. Let's ask that little stuttering [ __ ] to never sing again because that was painful. Okay.

Can I also point out this is so late in the movie that it does. We should be barreling towards the end of the movie here. But what h well what happens is that by talking to this little

so by talking to [clears throat] this little brat, you know, Taylor is really talking to herself by saying it's time for us to put our traumas behind us. She's like, "Oh, by talking to this little brat, I'm realizing how boring it is when people talk about how upset they are by their trauma. I've decided I'm not going to be like that and decide to be nice to the hot guy again." And so she goes back to Matthew, brings him coffee, I mean hot cocoa, and she's like, "Um, delivery. Here's some hot cocoa."

God forbid we drink alcohol in this movie. I know. Or even caffeine. Yeah. So So they're like, "Well, I guess this is a date, right? I'm sorry about that. It's just trauma." And you sort of like kind of like did did sort of step on a big boundary for me and you try to have me sing on stage and you're the one who has stage fright. So you sort of volunteered me for something I never asked for in the first place. So I would apologize and apology appreciate apology. But he was like, "Ah, I'll go in the meantime."

Yeah, I do love his stage fright uh storyline while he's also a guitar player and an amazing singer. Whatever.

It nothing works. Nothing actually helps. No. So, they decide that they're friends again. And he's like he's like super kind of upset with her. Like his big doughy eyes. He's like, "Oh, I've been so hurt. Shut the [ __ ] up. You just ran into like every statue in drunk drove in Italy. Like, I don't want to hear it from you. You whiny [ __ ] man." So now time to set it back three. Yeah. Well, she said time to set it back three cuz he's like, "Hey, I'm glad that we're finally reconciled. You've got to come to the holiday party." And she's like, "Absolutely. I will 100% be there." And he goes, "Good, cuz now you can meet our Santa Claus cuz he's the best." And she's like, "What?

Do the Mrs. Doubtfire restaurant scene." Yes. Exactly. So, we're going into the missed outfire portion of this event and we go to the Christmas party which is in a big hotel office room or whatever and she's like, "Oh my god, I don't think I'm going to fit in here in this hotel meeting room."

Can I just say the dress looks terrible. It is this way. But and it's this lacy wrap, the shrug and and later even at the end they have her in a red sweater with like pearl applique on the shoulders. They dress her like a 60s. She looks like she from de mo.

She looks terrible. God damn. It's a travesty. She's like, I don't know if I'm going to fit in with all these bland people. I mean, I know you would have thought I would considering I just walk around wearing generic cashmere sweaters, but I just don't know if I can fit. And so then dad's like, "Big announcement, everyone. Thanks to our really good Santa Claus. We sold out the Christmas season from some people who hadn't had plans and decided last minute they had to stay in the hotel with a really good Santa.

Yeah. And for the next three years cuz people really are jazzed about getting their kids to see a good Santa who solves their problems.

Who solves their problems cheaper than therapy. This is all dialogue that was said, by the way.

We're not. Yes. So the dad's like, "Oh, well, Matthew, who is this lovely young lady in the ill- fitting dress?" And she's like, "Oh, um, yeah. Well, my name's Taylor and we met at a very reputable uh record store and uh reputable in fact, not even reputable and we appreciate, you know, cuz we appreciate vinyl and punk rock and things like that. Dad's like, "What? A record store in this town? I'm going to root it out and get it out of here. There needs to be a chocolate shop.

The morning the more you go to record stores, she leads to dancing and dancing leads to Satan."

And Tia Maui is just sitting there standing there glaring at her. And Taylor's like, and they're like, "Well, I wonder when Santa's going to get here." She's like, "Oh, yeah. I'm going to go freshen up." So then

it's already problematic that the gay is being put into the bathroom stall. But such a fun scene.

Problematic. I felt so I loved it. It's so a glory hole. So, you know, that was chef's kiss.

I do I did enjoy it when he said, "You didn't bring me anything to eat." Um, they should have said a drink. a gay would have said, "You didn't bring me a drink."

So, here's the here's the setup. So, basically, she goes to the bathroom. One gay, the boyfriend or the husband, the the one the brother-in-law is standing, you know, keeping an eye out, making sure no one goes into the bathroom while the brother is in the the far I'm going to say probably the handicap stall cuz that was a large stall stall. Yeah.

And so, um, so the so he's there and he's got the Santa Claus thing ready. He's basically going to do a quick change like he's standing in the rafters on Saturday Night Live. like Broadway in the wings.

Yeah. So, she goes in there, it's like, "Oh, quick change, quick change, quick change." So, she comes out, now she's Hugh again.

Yeah. So, she comes out, she's Hugh, and she goes into the room and the dad's like, "Whoa, I've never received so many emails. I mean, wow, you are the hit of the holiday season. Lisa Gibbons loves you."

The fact. And isn't it weird that Natasha is just like Natasha knows that this Santa is a fraud and is using not only a woman's some a random woman's social security number, but that woman is at the same party and she's just sitting on it. She's actually not she's like not telling her assistant. She's just sitting there like

sitting, okay, well, fraudulent Santa's here, but she doesn't know who the woman is,

right? And so that's so we know that Santa's using a woman's security and so she's like something's wrong here, but we she we won't see her put it together.

Mm- So Hugh comes back in and he was like, "Well, Mr. Boss, your son will be an excellent general manager, that's for sure." And then he's like, "Oh my god, by the way, Hugh, God, you look sexy today. I can't wait for you to meet Taylor. Maybe are you into the presents? There's something in your eyes, Hugh.

Something in your eyes. God, it's so good to be here with you. I'm with my favorite paw and my favorite foo pa. God damn it, Hugh.

And he's like, "Whoa, who you're can't wait. I'm going to meet Taylor, huh? She's special." And the dad goes, "Yeah, the last time he said that, she stole it. She sold this story to a gossip magazine girl."

Oh. So now we're having a late act three stakes, which is like the dad's never going to approve of Taylor,

right? He can't trust these women to come around her son. Yeah. And he's like falling for her.

You see, you're supposed to set this up in act one. And the whole idea is that when she is outed, it's like, "See, son, you never should go back to her. I told you she was bad. I told you she was a liar." And he's like, "My dad's right. You were a liar." Like, but they were like, "No, we'll set this up right now and just forget about it.

Forget about it." Three sentences. Yeah. Here we go. Three sentences in act three, guys. Time for a huge moment. Taylor runs back to change back into Taylor again. So she runs through the hallways and um

that's when then she comes back. Is it this time where the guys they say this is where the brother-in-law snowboarders say

Stephen King is here and the the other is that after she comes back she comes back and but the gays are still like being really weird in the bathroom. One is still in the stall and one is still hiding outside the bathroom. Do they have cameras in this hotel? Like

this is this is where Taylor has to come back to show her business acumen now. So the dad's like, "Well, I just met this lady, but let me tell you, this is what we're going to do with our future resorts, which is that we're going to we're going to revamp revamp things." And Natasha's like, "That's right. We are going to revamp things." And I'm going to say this in front of someone who I just discovered is committing massive fraud with his fake social security number. We're going to have wine tastings and all those kind of things. Dad's like, "Let's raise the prices.

Why don't you have wine? Why don't you have wine tastings and spa treatments already? You're a hotel. You're a luxury hotel.

You already should have this. Let's say this now. They already have these things.

We should open up a gym. Let's have a gym. We can have it be open 2 hours a day. What about 24 hours? You know what?

Good. 24 hours. Digital. Well, so then Taylor's like, "Well, what about the kids?" Okay, Taylor, you spent your entire movie complaining about how this kid ruined your life. And she's like, "Think about the children. Are we going to have activities for children? What about craft night, karaoke? Someone's nurturing all

This is where I lost sympathy for her anymore. And I was like, I'm glad your daughter's a [ __ ] to you because you just talked over this woman who has her own [ __ ] job like you own the goddamn place just telling everybody what to do. You deserve everything you get. Taylor, live in your van.

Yeah. You're amazing. I'm going to give you Natasha's job. Natasha, you are now stepping down to an even lower job than you have now.

Yeah, I know. Cuz she's like, "What? There should be fun activities for the kids. That way the parents can relax." And Natasha's like like what? Pin the tail on [clears throat] the donkey. And they're like, "That's a great idea. Pin the tail on the donkey. Let's do it."

Never thought of it. [clears throat] And she finally says, "Look, I know I'm just here and I I I'm just here running back and forth cuz you probably think I have exploding diarrhea and you don't know that I'm changing into a sanit." But I just want to say if you went over the kids, you went over the parents.

No, I'm sorry, but your son has been feeding me hot chocolate for two weeks and I've got the shits.

I got to go [ __ ] again. I'll be right back. Cuz Natasha to get her back is like, um, I think it's time for gifts. Where's our Santa?

So, she goes into change. She's getting in dressed as this is the gay sex simulation.

But while this happens, the the brother-in-law hears that Stephen King, there's a Stephen King sign, which makes no sense.

Remember, horror gay. So, he leaves his post, which is terrible because Matthew decides he has to go to the bathroom. Matthew comes in the bathroom and while this is happening, we get a classic, you know, what's going on on that bathroom stall thing. In this case, brother and Hugh are trying to get like the fat suit on [groaning and clears throat] right there. Right there. Oh god. Wait, hold on. Just stay still. Just stay still for two minutes. It'll get easier.

Oh my god. Matthew Matthew who's just done like an eightball in Venice and like knocked over 10 statues is like, "What? There may be sex." Oh my god, there's gay sex in the bathroom.

So he looks under kind of like he doesn't say like get out of here or anything like that. He kind of listens and watches and kind of looks in like

it's kind of hot. He looks he's like he looks underneath he sees the feet and what he sees is

I don't know if he realizes that this is Santa at this moment, but he definitely sees like you know Santa boots are the like Yeah. And it's like

he knows it's Santa cuz he's Santa's big old shoes and Yeah. And Santa's [clears throat] the bottom here, right?

Santa's the one orientation. Oh, yeah. And Matt does look a little sad. And I think it's because he finds out that he's been [ __ ] around with guys in the bathroom and it's not him. So, he's

I believe he's like, "We're both bottoms." He's like, "Oh, no. We're both bottoms."

It was interesting. He played it kind of sad. I mean, I guess I I don't think he was sad that he found out he was gay. I think he was just like, "He's not with me or whatever." So, then he goes out and he's really awkward like, "What should I do? Should I just go in there and ask to join? Should I just jerk out jerk off outside the door? What do I do?

What do I do? So then he So then he like comes out of the bathroom. He's like, "Whoa, whoa." And then but then like Santa and the and the brother both come out, which is weird cuz why did the brother leave the bathroom? And then so he turns around, he sees Santa. Then he's And then he's like,

"Oh my god, it's confirmed Hugh was having gay sex in the bathroom Christmas party." Like this is legitimately like it's not us making a joke. legit [ __ ] another man.

Hugh, who is like the star of this resort, who was just talking to the CEO, this massive billionaire, decided, you know what? I got to I got to step away to have some gay sex

and I think I'm in love. He's like, there's a shot. So, they go back into the meeting room or whatever and um Matt's like, "Wait, does anyone know where Taylor is? Where is she? I have to tell her. I have I have to get this bone rod on somebody." And Natasha's like, "No, but I know who does." The person who wants to leave this hotel is about to ruin the annual Christmas party.

This is an impostor. He is a fraud. He's using a fake name and your girlfriend's social security number.

So, he knows he says, "You're probably working on an evil plan together to ruin my career."

And I'm like, "You narcissist? What the [ __ ] WHY IS THIS ABOUT YOU NOW? So weird.

She is. She does make it about her. It is kind of very revealing. I have a I have a theory that they wanted to make this into like this mustache twisting kind of villain. Tia just did not play it that way.

She just tried very she tried to find a human connection to it and that's why a lot of these lines don't work.

I think you are a fan of her. I'm a big Twitch fan. No, I think that Tia was so good in this.

I think she did the best job. she could with they gave her nothing. They gave her nothing.

They gave her nothing and it was like very unrealistic that she sort of sat on this information so late or she didn't say sir I need to talk to you about Hugh I think we have an issue. She just sort of sits there and then goes through this entire scene and then finally is like aha everyone and you're like whoa where did this come from?

So so she's doing this big reveal and she's not even given the villain moment of doing the big reveal because instead what happens is

that the someone is like um is Taylor Jacobson in here? Taylor, we've had a snow we have a snowboarder academy emergency. Your your daughter act reveal

about to die. Okay. Your daughter has oddly been snowboarding during the nighttime snowboarding Christmas party at the

What the hell? And she run. So she she's like, "Oh my god." Ho ho ho. Three wise men. Lots of reveals here. Um and then she says Zoe in the most female voice possible. Zoe, Zoe. [screaming]

So, she runs out to the ambulance where Zoe is being c loaded in and then the bully is now nice and she's like okay we're now best friends cuz I turned nice in one day and she sees Tal. [clears throat] Yeah. She says

I've been really mean to her mom and her mother is awesome and her mom listens to her and I'm like, "Okay, all right." So, it turns out this girl is the the bully is the daughter of Tia.

And the bully ruins everything. You've been you've been different these reveals.

She also ruins Tia's big moment of being able to pull the face off. I guess at this moment, Tia still doesn't think that Hugh is known when they were the only two black people in town.

I know. We didn't even see it coming. That is something we should have assumed.

Yeah. That's why I think Tia Mauy should have played the role of Santa because a I think her physical comedy would have been better, but then it could have been about how all these people are uncomfortable by by black Santa

about black Santa. Yeah, they would never hire black in this hotel. Absolutely not.

I mean, there's actually a like this totally this amazing subtext in this movie that's like a commentary about like how she's the only one T is the only one working hard and just all these white like

Yeah. And there's all these white people who are no capabilities, no skills, whatever, who just fail upwards and it's like, "Hey, you lady who used to work at the cookie company crit criticizing frosters. You have a great idea. We're going to give you a high high position in this hotel." And Tia's the only one, Natasha's the only one doing any sort of work and no one's paying attention to her.

Yeah. I mean, even down to the main character because she's working her ass off to send her daughter to snowboarding camp and then this lady comes in and commits fraud to get her kid in and everyone's fine with it,

right? you know, total problem. So, Matthew Matthew looks kind of confused because he like wants to [ __ ] everybody in the finale. Like, he's like, I want to [ __ ] all of you. And so, he's like, just go to the hospital. So, they run away. And um

did he There was this one thing and he I got to say the mom the daughter has a line which she butchers like, "Santa, why do you sound like my mother?" It was just such a weird line. And and then I wrote down it's very different. A situation like this is very different when it's a man in a woman's outfit because then it's like all types of gender politics are are it's it's a stronger gender politic than a woman in a man's costume.

And it's it's not the big reveal they're hoping it will be. It's not like just one of the guys when when she when he ripped open she goes she's got tits. and everyone I saw boobs for the first time in a movie and I references only.

Yes, that was my childhood. All right, here we go. Also, by the way, also like hello um you know what like like u Hugh or what? Taylor, when your daughter says why do you sound like my mom? That's the moment when you say oh you have a head injury. Sorry. Get in the hot ambulance.

No. So, she pulls off her mask and her glasses [clears throat] and all of that and she's like, I'm a mother

and she looks flawless, which is not how you look after wearing. She actually hasn't looked like that in the entire movie. I was like, wow, how she suddenly looks so

This was a Scooby-Doo reveal. Just a complete Scooby-Doo reveal and they look like themselves. Anyone who's been her prosthetics looks like a [ __ ] mess. I will say this too. Put a pin in this, but she's on a gurnie strapped down with a neck brace looking like she's about to be airlifted somewhere. Put a pin in that till later when we see Zoe again.

I know. We see Zoe tap dancing in a bathing suit. Can we get this kid to the hospital? Do we have to have this whole moment? So now Natasha is talking to the dad and she's like, "You know what? We could charge her with fraud and with trespassing and other cool things. And the dad's like, "Well, how could you let that happen? No background ID. I tr and you Natasha. I trusted you because of this.

You singing jingle bells. It doesn't fix anything. Be quiet." Matthew's like, "It's no one to blame but me. I hired you. I wanted to stick my dick deep inside of him. It was my mistake. He's he he has now redeemed himself because he's now sacrificed himself.

Yes. Cuz it's a Christmas movie from Great American Country. This writer who who also wrote the Lindsay Lohan thing incorporated a scene in that one where Lindsay Lohan's like clearly gay fiance winds up like like in a cabin in the woods with some strange man and they kind of have like an implied gay sex moment.

Yes, they do. Like inserting like lot of gay moments, including gay sex. I I give that

for him. And I love that. I still think I love that. I still think the script of that film was one of the best ones we've one of one of the funniest things we've done.

Well, it was powerful. Well, it died. I made a mistake, too. Natasha, you're taking the lead on this. I'm not giving you the job. Matthew, you still have the job because you're a a white man who fails upward, but you can go outside for now. So, Natasha feels bad now. And now she's talking to her bee daughter and um they're talking about like, "Oh my god, I feel awful because I was so mean to her and she's such a good snowboarder. She just didn't have a very nice vest, but she has a really nice mom." And Natasha's like, "Her mother is a fraud."

And by the way, she's a good mom. You don't I am behind Natasha all the way. Mom is a fraud. Stop like go back to being a bully. You learned the wrong life lessons from the wrong person.

I disagree. Listen, Santa is always is it's an actor playing a character. So, what actresses don't work?

And I wish that this movie had taken it to that where she's like, "Who cares if I'm a woman? A woman can't be Santa Claus. Santa Claus isn't a man or a woman." Yeah. Yeah.

Well, [clears throat] what's also funny is I like how the daughter just spins it on Natasha out of left field cuz Nat Natasha's like, "Listen, stop. That woman was a fraud." And then she goes, "No, she listened to me. Not like you." Like, aha.

And then we get you just got prosecuted. Prosecuted for all your failures as a mother. You don't hear me. You split from dad and I never see you. I miss my mom. And Natasha's like,

I know. Let's talk. Let's talk. Do you want a pony? How can I buy you off? Do you want to go to snowboarding school?

There's a quick cut that's kind of jaring. We're just sitting on the couch with Zoe in a [ __ ] armbrace and everything's fine.

She's fine. She's fine. Mom, we just hit 100,000 100,000 views. Really? You just ruined my career um with a neck break that didn't happen. You spoiled little bee.

You spoiled little bee. Trying a trying a jump you were not prepared to do. And she's always

she's like, "Have you heard from Matthew?" She's like, "Um, probably not unless we go to court." She was like, "Wow, you really did this for me, right?" And she's like, "Oh, you're not mortified." And your mom's like, "Mom, I've been mortified for you for so many years. This is nothing new."

You were so embarrassing as a pup as a as a Yeah. I heard your album, Mom. And it sucks.

Yeah. You're the one who's me, Dory. How are you telling me that your daddy wasn't really Santa Claus? I was ready for that man to dip his cookie inside my milk. I was ready to be that man's vixen. How could you do this to me?

Must have got a really good laugh at me. Dora Lee is visibly shaken because she also is having like a reckoning. She's basically saying like,

"I now have to ask for rent money from this woman who I accidentally hit on cuz I thought she was an older older silver daddy and I'm realizing I was hitting on her instead. Very awkward for me." And then and I'm just fool the movie stops being light because she ends up leveling her with this because she says, "I looked stupid." And Taylor said, "I never meant to hurt you." And she's like, "Why is it that that's the people that hurt me or who that all I always hear that from?"

It's always the people that hurt people that say that, right? It feels like we're in a Tennessee Williams. She's just that good.

She's that good. I got to say, it hit it hit me in my gut and brought tears to my eyes. She's good.

Oh god. Actress is fantastic. She's great. Like she moved here to this town. She like she lived in Chicago and she moved here for to this town to follow love and then he left her and now she's stuck in this town.

She grew up as a little girl in Puerto Rico. All I wanted was for him to take a turn in my toy factory and you had to ruin it for me. [gasps]

I was a dancer. I was a prancer. And now I'm just a land lady. Now just the land lady. So Tia and Matthew,

I was going to let him snow my globe. Now it's gone. Now it's gone. Where are they next? Are they in a park? Oh yeah. Talking to Matthew about the daughter and the daughter's daughter daughter's name is Eva, though it doesn't matter. And he's talking to Matthew. Natasha is telling Matthew, Eva and I had a long talk and this this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Taylor. and I just wanted to say thanks for not throwing me under the bus. And he's like, I avoided responsibility for so long, I figured it was time for me to grow up.

You should give the speaker tonight. Yeah, cuz you've conquered your fear of public speaking finally.

Yeah. And he's like, "But I can't do that." She goes, "No, I'm going to teach you. I'm going to have a redemptive moment that won't happen on camera."

Yes. And this is going to be your final exam. Mhm. I'm going to dinner having he she's going to be the one that's going to help him with the speech things. So weird. So

So now he's uh taking stage for his speech. It's like 5 minutes later and he's like, "I've learned to give speeches. Is everybody ready? Here we go. I'm sure you've heard what happened with Santa. In the meantime, Sun Peaks won't have a Santa, but we can still celebrate Christmas because Santa's not a man. Santa is a boner in my pants. I pull slowly and enjoy. Did I know it was coming? No. Did it hit me in the eye? It sure did. What was I talking about? Why do I have a boner right now? I forgot. Damn it. Santa, he's losing the audience. As As soon as he's like, "Santa's a concept." They're like, "Boo. Santa's Santa's

Santa's a man. Santa's a white man. [clears throat] Santa's a white fat man." And he's ho Bring the torch.

He's not a concept. Bring out Santa. Bring out Santa. Bring out white Santa. So then the dad's like, "What is Matthew doing up there?" And she's And Natasha's like, "He's saving Christmas." And everyone's like, "Dude, no, he's not. This is the worst thing ever."

At least they're not singing run Rudolph though. Am I right? Just Matthew's miserable.

This was the most unbelievable part of the movie. And to me that Taylor and Zoe show up and Taylor decides to go up on stage to apologize to him in front of [ __ ] everybody

in front of this. She only talks to him in front of a mic. Like she never even addresses.

It's also like you're This is Netflix. Can you hire some more extras? Can you make it look like there's more than three people there?

Yes. Because Lindsay Lohan movie. This would have been a physical comedy of errors of her going to apologize and then something like she ends up pratt falling on the stage not meaning to be on the stage. That's what we needed from this.

I am sentimental. The Lindsay Load movie culminated where they're making a very similar speech in front of a a crowd that was just as big, but they did it in a living room so it felt compressed and it felt high stakes. But here it's just like you see it's a stage for 20 people. And like also what would have been helpful would have been if they if there had been some headlines about you know billionaire error like in trouble again it was a fraud and so like now there's pro like uh heckler there he's like hey bro talk to her bro like why is he at every Santa event nobody worried that this guy's at every Santa event he is constantly on Santa subreddit

yeah so she just says is I need to apologize. I needed a job and you needed Santa and I just don't think I could have something like this. I don't think I deserved it [gasps] and I didn't think I was going to fall for you.

Also, I'm lactose intolerant. There I said it. Kiss her. Finally. Kiss her. Yeah. Like, honey, don't leave. I wish he had had the speech like, "Shame on everyone in this town for limiting who Santa could be or what Santa should be. What are we teaching our young women?" Now, sure, I taught my daughter that she was a mistake, but that was just honesty. Draw some boundaries. You didn't need to put your daughter into snowboard school.

Your daughter needs a job. TEACHER EGGS COST $10. We have no sympathy for you. Susie Orman videos.

So, Merry Christmas, Silent Night. Exactly. Matt's like, "Wait, Taylor, but I miss you, okay? I miss his beard. I miss his bathroom stall anal. Please, is there some way you can bring it back?" She's like, "Oh, God. I'm okay.

That's exactly what happened." And then there there's like they decide that they're going to spend Christmas together, but then before that they're like, "Wait a second. do you want to sing? And she's like, well, I guess this time is everyone ready for some pop punk girl group madness? Guess what? If you lined up here ready to hear some [ __ ] riot, then get ready cuz it's about to happen right now.

Run. And this isn't my voice cuz I did. I was too scared to do it. I mean, if you're going to do that, use somebody good. Like have a Nell Carter recording IN THERE SOMEWHERE.

OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO BE on set because I think they filmed it when no one was there. I think about this. Think about it. You don't really see a lot of scenes that Jimmy

the 4 a.m. Well, no, but Jimmy the Jimmy the Elf is never really in the scene with other people. If you think about it, it's just cutaways. So, I'm pretty sure they spent like four hours trying to shoot with this guy just going, "Cheer, Jimmy. Cheer." and he's just going

like over and over and over in this like dark. It almost looked like a black screen or something behind him. [snorts]

So now, okay, so she has her triumphant moment that speaks not neither to her her past as a punk rocker nor to really anything else in this movie. And now it's Christmas Day and the whole gang is at her apartment. I'm like,

including his father. [clears throat] Really? What are you guys doing? Who's never set foot in an apartment building like that?

And we all know and we all know why they're there. Like you right away you're like, "Oh, I know why they're there." Cuz the dad is there. They need to have the dad there cuz the landl you see it cuz there's no reason why these wealthy people are kind.

Are those [ __ ] over there? Yeah. Is that Is that too Is that too too big? I guess.

Okay. I'm sorry. Did we open a um a taco truck because there are two fagguritos over there. Okay. Is that a [gasps] gay couple? They're all celebrating and you in like not even a full like half breath. He's like, I'll do a toast to Natasha who got sent to London. And to everybody else that like you don't even and you I actually had to rewind and say, wait,

it excuse me, excuse me. And so she's in London now I guess with her husband and

but like overnight like this all happened on Christmas Eve more than that you just packed up and made her go away. I got to say my note from this entire movie is what a misuse of a twitch.

I totally agree. They gave her nothing to do. She is this is unfair. She did not deserve this. Tia Maury deserves more. They should. I mean, it's shocking that they did not include her in that final scene. Maybe she got co or something. They had to shoot without her because like there's no reason you'd have to see the girls together as friends. You have to see her and she like,

"Oh my god, thanks again for that promotion to London." Maybe she got I think this was I think this was a Kota or something that they put on. They tacked on. They were like, "We need something better than run Rudolph at the end."

I think you're right. They're like because I think they were basically like Diana's doing such a good job that we have to give her we have to we have to we have to tie up her loose end. Let's give her to the dad.

Yeah. Natasha's like um I'm busy. I I work. So, but Taylor goes over and invites her over to Christmas.

Dora Lee invites Dora Lee over and then Dora Lee is so touched and is being very nice at the Christmas party and then sees some old man meet and goes right for Hello Daddy. Oh, hotel owner, right? How'd you like to soap my hand? E. Hey, you want to refill my shampoo in the morning?

Oh, yeah. I'll change my pillow sheets, bad boy. Do not disturb. Am I right? Got some extra shower caps back at my house.

So, the they're chameleia under the mistletoe. And honestly, I loved this because she was the best character. She's the character who's been hurt the most. Let's be honest. I don't care what any of Taylor's back is. It's this woman who's been hurt the most and she winds up with the richest guy. Good for her.

Good for her. And he's going to die soon and she's younger and then she'll be a billionaire.

Yeah. And not give Taylor and her husband money cuz she's going to take it all.

Yeah. Because they never paid rent. Mhm. Yeah. And and the immittable last line. So Taylor, how'd you get so good at Christmas? Santa Claus. I'm Santa Claus.

Yeah. Which hoping she would say nowhere. Oh, it's because when I dropped out of college from my daughter, I had to watch a lot of holiday movies.

Yeah. Also too, I don't think this set was very fun because there was no outtakes in the credits and there should have been outtakes.

This movie warranted out talented. I I I really did. I All in all, I did not like this movie.

It was Me neither. Yeah, I didn't like this movie and not and it's just I it's we can find the bad stupid things in it, but I enjoyed that Lindsay Lohan movie. I even enjoyed uh I even enjoyed the Dumb Food Network movie.

I even like parts of Hot Frosty. Hot Frosty was ridiculous, but it was fun at least.

Hot was cute. Yeah, it was cute. Those movies are all about like what Christmas is really about in some way, and this one wasn't like it didn't really even have anything to do with Christmas. It didn't have a heart. It didn't

It took place at Christmas, but other than that, it didn't really even have anything to do. All I just kept thinking was, "God, the apartment decorations are so bad." Like the apartment building, I was like, "This is what being poor is like." And it's sad.

Is it Is it because this is what Christmas movies are like in 2025? I think it's just like I think this was like too much like it was like save the cat. They were like, "Okay, here's all the characters." They just like this painting by numbers. I dropped it all in and so it was all tidy, but like the silliness of this like Mrs. Doubtfire thing actually was like never that silly. The only thing it did was elicited this like really random gay sex scene in the bathroom late in the movie and I was like and and the sh and the and the and the locker room scene really was like what is happening here?

And that was my Christmas wish. I will say I think that it was probably I think that it was probably like a more adult movie at one point because of all of this stuff. Like he wants to [ __ ] the Santa the whole time. He's this like cokehead n do well. like they had all the ingredients to make it good, but they chose to go like the familyfriendly we have to be super safe cuz we're like a Hallmark

being on Netflix now or whatever the [ __ ] they were doing and they just kind of watered it down cuz I think if he was like a cokehead mess and had to learn to be better and Natasha was really a [ __ ] and scheming and trying to take everything down and he really did was kind of into the gay sex like they could have been good. It's just kind of like

watered down. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. try to please everybody. You please nobody. You please nobody.

All right, big boy. Nobody. But it sure [clears throat] was pleasing for us. I mean, it gave us four hours to laugh together. So,

this was so much fun. We did it again. We did it again. We did it. Only tradition.

What Christmas is really about is us getting together every year to talk [ __ ] about people we don't know. And I think

and finding gay nerds. That's exactly it. And to act like we could do any better.

That's true. It's true. That's very true. And with that, yes, thank you to our sissies and our Geraldines out there that are that are probably making it just with your family right now. So, we hope that this was a a respit of laughter and fun.

I'm going to be right there with you with my mother and father. It's going to be Yeah, it's gonna be rough this year.

Oh, I can already tell you there's Yeah, there's my mother I can already My mother's already grouchy,

so Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just in the buying phase cuz I'm the single one and everybody else is married and has or has kids or whatever. It's just like there's 20 people to buy for, but I'm like going to get half a skate or some [ __ ]

Um, but everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you in the new year. Bye

bye. [singing] [bell and music]

Questions about this episode

What is discussed in "My Secret Santa Part Four With Reality Gays"?

In order: 0:00 Ari Matthew, Richard Grio, Screaming Kittens; 5:00 Adam Taylor, Quail Springs Mall, Richard Grio; 10:00 Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew, Screaming Kittens; 15:00 Adam Taylor; 20:00 Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew; 25:00 Adam Taylor; 30:00 Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew; 35:00 Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew; 40:00 Ari Matthew, Adam Taylor; 45:00 Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew; 50:00 Adam Taylor.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Adam Taylor, Ari Matthew, Rachel Zoe, Screaming Kittens, Richard Grio, Quail Springs Mall. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "My Secret Santa Part Four With Reality Gays"?

The episode runs 58 min; the transcript is about 11,776 words in 286 timestamped sections.

More from Watch What Crappens

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.