Southern Charm S11E08: When Audrey Met Salley

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on the latest happenings in "Southern Charm," including commentary on gender reveal parties and their cultural implications. The hosts, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Carum, also promote an upcoming event called the Crappies, which will feature various guests and a live streaming option.

Key takeaways

• Gender reveals are so 2022; nuance in parenting is the new black.
• The Crappies are a must-see event, unless you're a fan of missing fun.
• If a movie's plot revolves around kidnapping daughters, has Hollywood run out of ideas?
• Chickens as a romantic ploy? Just when you thought Southern Charm couldn't get weirder.
• Southern Charm: where Oscar-worthy depth is traded for the shallow end of reality TV.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Ben Mandelker (Host) · 51 min speaking
• Ronnie Carum (Host) · 42 min speaking
• Sally (Guest) · 9 min speaking
• Madison (Guest) · 9 min speaking
• Austin (Guest) · 9 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Ben Mandelker, Southern Charm, Ronnie Carum, Patreon
2. 30:00 – 40:00: Southern Charm
3. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Zachary's Dairies, Southern Charm
4. 1:20:00 – 1:30:00: Islander 71
5. 1:30:00 – 1:33:31: Southern Charm

Notable quotes from "Southern Charm S11E08: When Audrey Met Salley"

• Hello and welcome to Watch What Crains, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about, Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is my fellow comrade. The only one I share so much time with. It's Mr. Ronnie.

  about Ben Mandelker · at 0:24

• I'm very anti-gender reveal, which is funny because we'll be talking at least very briefly about that later today. We are here to talk about Southern Charm.

  about Southern Charm · at 1:38

• So Vanita and her mom go down the sidewalk walking hand in hand and they go to like a daquiri store. Zachary's dairies possibly.

  about Zachary's Dairies · at 50:51

• So they get to a place called Islander 71 and Venita falls right out of the bus, which yep, as it happens.

  about Islander 71 · at 1:27:22

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Ben Mandelker — Person · Host · 4 mentions · first at 0:05
  Co-host of the podcast; drives the recap and commentary, introduces the show and segments.
• Ronnie Carum — Person · Co-host · 2 mentions · first at 0:37
  Co-host who banters with Ben, adds jokes and analysis throughout the Southern Charm recap.
  Good, Ben. How are you? You sweet little dumpling.

Companies & orgs

• Zachary's Dairies — Company · Mentioned business · 2 mentions · first at 50:56
  A business mentioned in passing, possibly related to the hosts or the show's setting.

Concepts & topics

• Southern Charm — Concept · Core topic · 6 mentions · first at 1:41
  Main subject of the podcast episode, discussing the show's latest episode and its cast dynamics.

Places & events

• Islander 71 — Place · Setting · 2 mentions · first at 1:26:52
  A venue mentioned where part of the episode's discussed events take place.

Sponsors

• Patreon — Company · Sponsor · 2 mentions · first at 0:10
  Mentioned as a platform where listeners can access bonus content and support the podcast.
  Welcome to Watch What Crains. To get our videos as soon as they're released instead of waiting for a week, head over to our Patreon. That's also where you'll find our bonus episodes and our Discord community. We love you guys.

Full transcript with timestamps

0:05 Welcome to Watch What Crains. To get our videos as soon as they're released instead of waiting for a week, head over to our Patreon. That's also where you'll find our bonus episodes and our Discord community. We love you guys. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crains, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about, Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is my fellow comrade. The only the only one I share so much time with. It's Mr. Ronnie Carum. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

0:40 Good, Ben. How are you? You sweet little dumpling. I'm just great. Um, I just saw you moments ago. Real life, baby. real life scene each other.

0:54 We look like we're a gender reveal right now cuz you're wearing pink and I'm wearing light blue. It's like what's what's the baby going to be? Um but uh

1:02 we're going to let the baby decide. That's what my friends when I had a baby shower like 10 years ago for our our friend group child. We were having a baby shower and we were choosing colors for the baby shower and I was like, "Well, I mean it's pretty easy. Pink or blue?" And um the mom was like, "Um, we don't know what gender the baby is going to identify as yet." And I was like, "Oh, for Christ's sake." Really? So, what do you do? What do you even do? Do we We're deciding this early that we're not going to decide, but I am anti-gender reveal in general, so you know, I like it. She was ahead of her time. I'll give her that. She was ahead of her time.

1:38 I'm very anti-gender reveal, which is funny because we'll be talking at least very briefly about that later today. We are here to talk about Southern Charm. Before we get into that, in case you didn't hear, the crappies are happening on February 27th. We our roster of guests is is coming together quite nicely. Very excited for that. And uh it's going to be a great night at the Fonda in Hollywood. There will be also live streaming, but those details, you don't get those just yet. You'll have to wait.

2:09 You have to hold. Please, please hold first. you must check out the magic of Nicolain. Um, no, it will be available for streaming like it was last year. So, that will be great. Uh, but tickets are available at watchcraftins.com for uh the inerson tickets. There are not a lot left. So, we encourage people to go get them uh before it's too late. In fact, I went to buy tickets for a whole separate event later in the year and it was sold out cuz I waited too long and now I'm like sad for myself. So, don't be like me. Um, but anyway, uh, patreon.com/watchcracins.

2:44 Get ad free, so you can do that if you want. Also, crapens on demand. You can check out our light pink and light blue shirts. And we also have weekly bonuses. Traders, oh my god, can't wait for later tonight traders episode. We'll be talking all about that tomorrow. So, that's all the good stuff. That's all the really good great stuff to talk about.

3:01 That's all the news that's fit to print. Okay. All the news. I would also like to thank the lighting in here today because my one cheekbone is lit. Look at that. Look at that. Just one lit one cheekbone.

3:13 It's like that song from the wall flowers. One cheekbone except without a headlight. Um but it's a very nice. It's it's you know that's like very cinema. That's like very that's cinema. That's cinematic.

3:26 You know like to get the um the outline. I don't have my Oh, I don't have my lighting on. But whatever. Um today we're talking about something that's not cinematic. It's Southern Charm. The the opposite. something that did not get any Oscars that got reverse Oscars. It's Southern Charm.

3:42 Um, Southern [clears throat] Charm is only one corn. I want corn. If I see corn, I'm gonna eat it. I'm gonna eat it.

3:49 So, here we are. Sinners. What? I said it could be described as sinners, but like a different kind.

3:57 Sinners. Yeah, basically the same thing. Um, Southern Charm season 11 episode 8. Engaged in battle. battle after another Academy Award nominee.

4:09 I was going to watch that movie and then I read the um description. It was like a man's daughter was kidnapped and he has to go. How many movies are going to be about a man, some manly man going to get his daughter who was kidnapped? Like how many daughters are kidnapped that the dads are running after and like having a whole movie about it? It's been like 20 movies. I'm sick of this a lot.

4:29 How was that winning an Oscar? Was it good? Yes or no? Tell me the truth. It actually is really good. And if it makes you feel any better, uh, Leonardo DiCaprio plays a dad trying to save his daughter and he's very inept. He's very inept at it. So, uh, if it's anything,

4:46 how old is the daughter? She's like 16 or 17. Um, dating age must have been awkward.

4:54 It's it's about a lot of things. Uh, but definitely, you know, toxic masculinity feels like it's on the on the menu of things it's targeting. So, you know, um I enjoyed it quite a bit. So, I think you might enjoy it as well.

5:09 Well, I'm not going to find out cuz I refuse to give that butt anymore of my hard-earned tax dollars.

5:14 Well, you know what? Take a stand. I support it. I am. I'm taking a stand. So, we're at Sally's house and uh Sally, someone who's never taken a stand, is now stuck with these [ __ ] chickens that she got to uh flirt with Craig. She's got Yeah. her flirting chickens, her needy flirting chickens. She's stuck with them now. So, she's carrying them in a plastic crate outside. And uh she's like, "Oh my god, I love you guys, but you're so stinky. Are you not dating Austin yet? Because I feel like you're going to be saying that a lot of the time."

5:44 I know. I'm like, "Enough about the guys. Talk about the chickens." Also, has she even handled these chickens before? She looked like she never even dealt with them. She was so like, "What? Huh?"

5:53 I don't think you ever get used to dealing with chickens. They're not easy. Look at them. They're pecking you. They're running around. They're just not soft, cuddly creatures. That's why the first person The first person tried to cuddle with the chicken. It didn't work. And they finally just strangled the chicken and ate it. They got so upset. That's how chicken nuggets came into existence. You're

6:10 I'll tell who knows their way around the chicken. Gonzo. I mean, Gonzo and Priscilla, the love affair, it's just they have such a tender relationship, you know?

6:20 Yeah, that was romant. It was one for the ages. That was a Now, if that guy was starring in one battle after another, I'd be in. AND YOU'D BE LIKE, [groaning and screaming]

6:29 HE'S LIKE, "WHERE'S PRISCILLA?" I'd be into that blowing up tones. But I think um Sally, it's I It's so This chicken thing is so sad and it's such a It's a small part of this episode. It's really only this moment, but she literally bought three living chickens and a coupe just to impress Craig. It's really one of the saddest displays. I'm sure at the reunion she'll say no no no no no no. I actually was like I really wanted to get chickens and I was on the fence and then like Craig inspired me to like you know to do it.

7:04 But like I didn't do it for Craig. I did it for me. I'm like that's fine. But like no you bought it for Craig. You bought the chickens for Craig.

7:11 You did it for Craig. You did it for Craig. And that's you know you you shouldn't ever get chicken. Chickens are temporary. They're edible. They're tiny. They they don't have like the longest lifespan. Get a baby. I mean, have you learned nothing? Like, if you want to keep a man, you have a baby or you get a baby. That's what you do. All that she wants is another baby. Then she's gone tomorrow. But, um, she's putting these chickens in the crate and she's like, "Yeah, sort of struggling with it." Their names are cantaloupe, coconut, and popcorn, which I

7:44 So, you're naming food after food? Hey guys, I'm having a burger today. I'm calling it a ham.

7:49 Well, I guess that's close to it. It's a hamburger. I'm I'm having a burger today, so I'm gonna call it a popsicle. Why would you do that? Stop naming your food food.

7:57 But also like at least like don't establish twothirds of a pattern and not see it all the way through. Cantaloupe and coconut. So first of all, they both start with C. These are both seawword chickens and they're both fruit. Coconut and cantaloupe. And then all of a sudden she goes to popcorn. Like what are you thinking? What is wrong with you? Why are you such a lunatic?

8:17 Why is the northerner, right? But like why is the third the third one should be I don't know. Um I mean is there another seafruit?

8:28 You're you're a northerner because um corn is a vegetable and but popcorn popcorn is a vegetable in the south.

8:36 Talk about fruits. Talk about I know. But I'm saying like if you if it it makes sense if you think of it as a southerner because she's naming her chickens after fruits and vegetables which makes sense, you know. But I just feel but the honestly I'm I'm I'm going to reject it. I will take my northerner status. I will be a Yankee about this. I feel like you got two fruits. Like you could go kumquat but that is not spelled with a C. But it does Kumquat does it sort of sounds dirty with this cast. Kumquat. But like I just I'm offended by her naming conventions. I just think she can do so much better.

9:12 Yeah, I think she could. But then you remember it Sally and she can't. What am I going to name these chickens? Uh,

9:19 opens a fridge. Coconut. It's, you know, Yeah. And, you know, I hate I hate like naming one thing after another sometimes. Like, I've I've explained this a lot. I don't understand why people name their dogs bear. Like, that's a strange thing to me. And it's like the same thing. Why are you naming your chickens after other food? Uh, I

9:37 You do have a lot of weird pet pet rules. Like, you don't want to name your you don't want to name pets after an other animals and you also don't want them named after humans. Like you have like a

9:47 No, I like them named after humans. I like I actually think it's really funny when they're named after humans. Like Bob I

9:53 used to be against that until you met like a a Glattis or something that you liked the dog and you kind of changed your rules.

10:00 No, no. I I just amused. I'm amused by formal human names for pets. Like um I there was a TV show called um The Great American Dog on CBS years ago and there was a little maltise named Andrew and I thought that was the funniest thing like that someone named their dog Andrew and was also like a formal version of a name. So I'm I'm okay with it. I'm very amused by that. But I'm less I I just feel like it's just strange to name your dog another animal. It's just it's it's like and people do it all the time. They name their dogs bunny

10:31 or penguinar. Bear is common. You know, Captain Sandy has one named Little Bear.

10:36 Like, it's a dog, though. It's a dog. Anyway, I vote that the third chicken be renamed Clementine cuz that also sounds more of like a chicken name than popcorn actually,

10:48 right? But that also wouldn't work cuz that's a type of apple. It's not an apple. You know what I mean? So, she's saying she's not saying like a type of coconut or a type of cantaloupe. She's calling the So, it would need to be like banana,

11:00 you know, cherry maybe. But cherry is like it's a C word, but it's like a ch. So it's a

11:04 cherry. Yeah, cherry's cute. Cherry's cute. Cherry's cute. Yeah. So I I would just name them need a and man. Just call them need a man. And I'm I'm willing to do anything. Even put the even put the innocent lives of these chickens at stake for a man.

11:21 Pick me girl. Yeah. Pick me girl. So she does uh she's like, "Oh my god, I'm terrified of popcorn." Of course, the only carb, the the thin girl is like, "Oh, hang on." And popcorn is horrible. Does pick out

11:37 drops popcorn. And she screams uh she screams and drops popcorn. Cuz popcorn isn't easy. You know why? Because you're keeping popcorn prisoner so that you could steal its unborn children to eat every day. Wonder why popcorn's upset.

11:52 I wonder. It also may be that whole thing about being kept in captivity that might be upsetting popcorn as well.

11:58 Yeah, it's like Room the chicken version, you know, like knows nothing else but Sally coming.

12:06 We need Galina to come in and liberate these chickens for real safely. Yeah. So then we go over to Madison's house and she's just lounging on the couch acting like she's binging out. It's like so crazy to see Madison eating, guys, isn't it? She's eating Skinny Pop, like Smart Pop, whatever the [ __ ] she's eating. Like, come on, Madison. Get some [ __ ] ice cream. If you want me to go into your like, I'm a mom and now I'm eating everything I see. Well, then get some [ __ ] ice cream. I want to see you eating peanut butter out of the container. I want to see you eating bread out of the bag. You know, the the sliced bread out of the bag.

12:38 Just dump it in the peanut butter. I've been eating like a pregnant woman my whole life. I know how it's done. Madison, try harder.

12:45 Skinny pop. There. One popcorn after another. Am I right? Um, so she is finding out whether or not dogs can have popcorn. And guess what? Karen Oh my god. See, here is a perfect example. Karen, a dog named Karen, which I'm so amused by. Karen uh is the popcorn is is approved for Karen. So Madison starts throwing popcorn for Karen. And Karen is a little slow on the uptake, not going to lie. Karen is like one of those dogs that stares at the bowl like, "Can I have the bowl of popcorn?" She's like, "I literally just threw some over there. Turn around, Karen." But she gets it. Karen gets there eventually.

13:17 No. No. Madison was not throwing the popcorn. She was pretending to throw it. She was going and fake throwing it and then going and fake throwing it. And the dog was like, "What the fuck?" Like Karen's just down there like, "Do not make me call the manager. I'm named Karen." And then she was she actually threw it. And then Karen's like, "Thanks a lot. Thanks for make Now I get to eat a piece of [ __ ] popcorn after you've made me feel like a [ __ ] Thanks."

13:40 Karen's like, "I was told there'd be chicken. Isn't there a chicken named popcorn for me?"

13:45 Sorry. or like, "Yeah, I can't be the only one getting fat." Karen thick girl Summer. Okay.

13:52 And I really did like when she said, "Y'all, if I see it, I'm going to eat it."

14:01 We like that. It was the best thing Madison's ever said. So, uh, she refrains from eating her phone and instead uses it to call Craig to FaceTime him. And he's like, "I love that you're snacking right now." She's like, "I know. Look, look at this. And then she holds up her uh popcorn and uh

14:20 one little kernel of popcorn. Yeah. You know what? This is when I really am feeling what you just said. Like if you're going to brag about what you're snacking on, like it should be melty. It'll be something chocolatey, melty, or cheesy or something. But like look at Madison. She cares so much about her calories and she's pinging out on Smart Pop.

14:38 So a Lane cookie. Okay. A Lain cookie. A big chunky cookie that's too big for its own good.

14:45 Yeah. So Craig um who's got the mental prowess of the popcorn gives her a call and um they talk about snacking and uh what are you laughing at because I know like you were just like going on to the next line but when I was like give her a leane cookie something too big and you just go yeah

15:07 because you know what I know what's happening with you over there. I see it coming. I see that you're working yourself up and now that you've said cookie, you're going to just start naming [ __ ] that you want to eat right now cuz I also know that you're hungry cuz we just had a meeting before here and you were saying I'm hungry and I need a bagel and I know that that means that through this entire recap you're going to find reasons to talk about all the food that you're dreaming of eating and it just started. I knew it was going to happen and you said the Levane cookie so I was like do I just move on or do I give into that you know?

15:37 No, I know. Like that's why it was so funny to me cuz you had that look like, "Okay, Ben is Ben is out of control today. Ben's going to start."

15:46 Like at the even at the radio when we were in the studio, we were on a commercial break or something and you guys started talking about [ __ ] calories and when you when you're all together and listen, I've talked about I'm so fat and my my whole show, my whole time on this show, my whole life I've done it. So I know how hypocritical it is. But you guys, you three queens, Jeff, you and um what's his buns? U Shane

16:12 all go in, you all go in, you talk about calories and what you're eating. You feel so fat. And then Annie starts and then the other one Ken start. Then you're all talking about [ __ ] calories and then it goes into a segment and then we spend the rest of our time on this radio show talking about everybody's [ __ ] protein in intake for the day. And I just knew I knew it was coming.

16:33 I know. Cuz you know what? You make me hungry. so much about weight loss. And then I was like, "Okay, Ben, you need to eat."

16:40 You're like, "I've spent years listening to you talk about weight loss." And I was like, "Okay, okay."

16:45 Well, I feel like everyone gets to talk about GLP1s and everyone gets to talk about ampic. And like the moment I talk about like I decided to cut out carbs, it's like I guess it's cuz like P.

16:54 The moment it's you're cutting out carbs every other day, you're like, "Guys, guess what? Today I'm cutting out carbs."

17:00 All the crappies are coming up. Stop it. It's horrible. Stop cutting out carbs. scarves deserve.

17:05 I'm obviously not doing it. I'm obviously not doing it. I had a recent peanut butter cup for breakfast in the in the green room. So, I'm obviously not doing it. So, I have to talk it out so that way I feel better about myself.

17:15 You have nothing to feel better about. You're already amazing, gorgeous. Okay, that's it.

17:19 Stop it. That's it. So, um Okay. So, they're still talking about food just like us. And my plan did not work apparently, I guess, is the point. So Craig's like, "Well, I just wanted to call and touch base because like I was so excited to come over for girls night because you know it was my idea to sneak over." Austin doesn't have ideas. It was just my idea. But then like Austin's like hammered and he's like angry and I'm like I'm just going to go home cuz you're like hammered and angry and I've done absolutely nothing. Like turn on one of my good friends for no reason um on television and publicly and tried to shame her and throw her name in the mud just because I didn't want to date her.

17:57 And Madison's like, "Well, I will say that we're not when Austin showed up, Sally just started really talking really bad about you, just like the beta that she is." And Craig's like, "Really?"

18:07 That's not cool, though, either, Madison. That's not really how it happened. Sally didn't just start shitalking Craig. She was told that Craig was just shit-talking her and throwing her under the bus and saying that she was a tornado and everything else. He said tornado, but I heard what he really meant.

18:24 Tornado. Um, so then we see a flashback to all that and everything that happened. So Madison's like, "I mean, Sally, she has feelings for you. You know, she bought chickens, stupid, stupid slut." And Craig's like, "I know, but she would have no reason to think I was into her just cuz I said like, we should have sex, you know.

18:40 Yeah, we should raise chickens together and you should stay at my house after we've been in the hot tub all night together. Wherever did she get the impression that I liked her?"

18:49 She's like wifey material. I don't know why she got the impression that I liked her. So, she's basically like, "Well, I'm sure the flirting and the text messages had to factor into all of that." You see a recap of those text messages where the primary offender was that she said, "I should have stayed." And he was like, "You could have stayed if you wanted." She's like, "Well, invite me next time." So, that's like their big flirtatious moment, which I think is pretty flirty, I think, late at night. Yeah. And um he did say, I mean, so the text, yeah, it was fun. I should have stayed. Yeah, you could have if you wanted. I did want. Invite me to stay next time. Sleep well. See you next week. You, too. So, it's, you know, it could have just meant you can stay if you're too drunk to go home. Like, I don't care. I have a couch. I live in a house. But, you know, I think staying out like coming back and partying until

19:39 like 4 in the morning with some girl who you know likes you and you talk about chickens. You were flirting, Craig. Okay. You were flirting. Especially cuz later in the episode he he says that like when the two of them were left alone, she stood there sort of like waiting for a kiss and he kind of had to be like see you later. So he knew there was like she was into him at that point. And if she's saying I should have stayed at that point you at that point if you want to diffuse you say something like oh it's all good. We're going to have so much fun with our friends this summer.

20:08 Like you just you can sort of you can put it up but you don't say like you could have stayed. Like that's not how you diffuse. If if you're if you see that someone's into you and you're not into them, there is a way to maybe push the mixed signals back in the other direction. And he was like, no, he loves the attention. I just And he like he's all about it. He's and he likes keeping options open for himself cuz that's what a lot of bros do.

20:32 Yeah. So, um she's like, "Well, what do you mean by that when you were when you were saying you can stay?" And he's like, "Well, she and Chef were in the kitchen and they had separate Ubers and then Chef left first and then she turned around and she gave me a hug and just like stood there looking at me." And I was like, "All right, get home safe." And then, yeah, then that's when she texted me. I mean, what am I what do you do when a girl says that? Like, I should have stayed. Like, you're supposed to say, "No, you shouldn't."

20:57 [clears throat] Like, what am I supposed to say in that situation? You literally do you do the haha. Do what? Actually, that's what you should have said is haha.

21:05 Haha. non-committal, but also like you're joking, right? Because clearly we don't have any sort of romantic connection.

21:11 That's No, I think you should send her the emoji that everyone knows means go home. An eggplant

21:19 and a go eggplant parmesan. Everyone knows. Yeah. A fire cook eggplant. Eggplant cook

21:26 and a heart. And then the lips that are like [snorts] the Lisa Reynolds. And then now Craig does his favorite thing which is to infantilize himself. uh to be cute and sweet and incapable of being a bad guy. So he goes, "I'm just a dumb boy and I myself laughed out loud in trouble."

21:44 Because we always say that as the guys on this show. I'm just a boy. So when they actually say it, I crack up. He's like, "I'm just a dumb boy." Million dollar smile.

21:55 Yeah. Seriously. I mean, I have a crush on Charlie. Little kindergarten crush on Charlie. I'm a little boy and I'm concerned that this whole thing is going to stress her out and be like if Sally likes Craig, it's easier to just like not go hang out with him. Like that's my biggest fear. Like, okay.

22:14 Also, if you really like if you really like Charlie over Sally and you you all were hanging out in the hot tub and blah blah blah, the easiest way to friend zone Sally would have been one of the nights that Charlie wasn't there, which there have been plenty of, I'm sure, that you say, "Hey, who are you into?" and then wait till she doesn't say. And then you say, "Yeah, I'm really into Charlie. I really like Charlie." Boom. Friend-zoned. Done. But you know, you can't cuz you like to keep them both on the hook.

22:40 Meanwhile, Charlie's like in her own independent film over here just like slowly unraveling over the course of the season over the stupid Craig thing cuz now we go crafting with her, right? Doesn't it feel like she's in some movie where she should be like in a supermarket like putting things in her cart and like hair coming out and like crying? I mean, she's like she's she's pride herself over this stupid situation.

22:58 She is. She's really stressed out over it. I thought she was going to be so much more self-possessed. I thought she'd be like, I'm the hot girl. I'm here now. I call the shots. Instead, she's like, what do I do? Should I even go to the I can't even go to Starbucks. I don't want to get the same order as Sally. She'll be mad at me. Oh no, but we both love lattes. Can I even show myself in the craft studio? What is everybody going to think about me? Oh my god. Just give me a scar. Can I make a scarlet letter and just put that on my sweater? Can I just make a scarlet letter?

23:27 I think Sally's gonna be mad at me if I go into a color me mind. Can we call it color me hours? I just don't want to feel like I'm taking something from her.

23:36 Um, so she's there with Molly and um they look like they're in two different shows, too, cuz Molly's

23:43 I don't know what Molly's in, but I love I [ __ ] love Molly. I don't know what she's doing half the time, but I really like her really like her energy. Her energy is just like what? I made this dress and like I don't care what you're saying right now. Like what? I'm trying to paint a [ __ ] coffee mug.

23:59 Molly truly makes no sense. I love her, too. She's so funny, but like she doesn't seem to have any true relationships with these girls. She sort of drifts in and scoffs and then goes home and looks for a snake that's hidden somewhere and like she just sort of like grafted onto this show, like superimposed onto it and like has no impact on anything, but like also one of my favorite parts of it. So yeah, I don't really understand her.

24:21 So I'll take it. Yeah, I really like it. And I just like she she always has this look on her face where her eyes are squinted and she just looks like you're an idiot, you know? She just looks at you like you're so stupid. So she's with Charlie and Charlie's like, "So have you ever been here before? You think anybody recognizes me as the [ __ ] that I am? Oh my god, I'm a terrible person." Molly is like, "No, but I do kind of like this stuff." And she and Charlie's like, "Are you crafty?" The way I am. I'm such a crafty [ __ ] Oh my god.

24:50 And she's like, "Yeah." They both seem so unenthused by this that they have to I feel like they were paid and they like have to pretend like they care about crafting because they both seem like this is awful, but they're like, "Yeah, I love crafting. Let's craft crafting."

25:05 Well, they can only shoot so many scenes at a park bench, you know? I think they've they've hit their limit.

25:11 So, um Charlie tells us, "I'm not a creative person by any means. I mean, that's why I like working in an art gallery. I mean, I look at art. I like selling it, not doing it. Well, don't worry. You're in a [ __ ] craft store. It's not like No one's expecting much from you, you know?

25:26 I know. You're not like in the yellow house with Van Go expected to turn out some sort of like portraits and masterpieces. You're just making a little

25:35 Yeah. You're making a mosaic like it'll be okay. Um I do craft night when I'm in Texas with my sister and nieces. It's always so fun. And my sister stresses out so much and we're just doing these dumb things. It's like, "Okay, get alcohol inks and put them on a tile and then blow it around with a straw and it makes a cool pattern." And my my sister's always like, "God, I suck at this. I'm so bad at this. I'm so bad at art. Why don't I have any artistic ability?" It's like, "Dude, we just dumped paint onto a canvas and like moved it around on a lazy Susan and called it art." She's like, "Oh god, I can't even do that." Right. Right. Art is terrible. I hate art. But also, you're really good at crafts and art, so I can imagine being like, "Wow, I thought mine was nice, but I just look like just like on a canvas."

26:23 Thank you. But literally, I choose things that you It's like, "Okay, tonight's craft is we're all going to take a piece of pizza, eat half of it, and then smear the rest of it on a postcard." And she'll be like, "Oh my god, I suck at this." It's like the easiest It's like the easiest, most formless [ __ ] ever. And she still gets so upset. I can understand. and I'm an overachiever. Um, and I uh I used to be so good at art. Art was my jam. But I haven't done art in so long that now most of my stuff looks like crap, which is just really tragic. But every now and then I can I can get a little crafty once in a while. My craftiness comes out like around Halloween. I'll cobble together some sort of sad little costume. And you know, that's like my moment of of creativity for the year.

27:07 You're good. You're really good with your Halloween costumes actually. I do enjoy that. Yeah, you're good with that.

27:12 Like a like a like a homemade crafty costume. Like I I don't go out there looking like Sierra on Summer House whenever she does costumes. I mine's like 100% homemade, but like Baron is the fun. You know what I'm saying?

27:23 Guess. Yeah. Like it's like credit. You grew up, but you're your own mom, which I like, you know?

27:30 Correct. So they sit down to make their mosaics and uh Charlie is going to do a sunset. She's like, "Well, maybe I'll do a sunset or like some kind of wave." I'm just going to look into my lookbook of waves. Oh, there's one that's cresting. There's another one that's cresting. Hm. Oh, look at that one. It's cresting. So many options for waves. And she's like, "Oh my god, I'm scared to use the wire cutter. How do I do that?" And so she she uses it and Molly's like, "Geez, that is scary." So, how are you after everything that happened at Madison's house? That's the way Molly's looking at her like, "You [ __ ] [ __ ] You'll be okay. You'll survive this."

28:12 Yeah. So, then we they're going to talk about the uh the slumber party and everything. And uh Sally is she is I don't remember if this is part Oh, yeah. That was part of the flashback. But we come back and Charlie is she's saying like, "You know, the thought of going on this date brings me so much anxiety. It's scarier than cutting a wire. I just did another one. Is this terrifying?

28:35 It's just because like Sally was definitely hurt by Craig and I feel bad about that. But at the same time, like I'm attracted to Craig. I mean, that's why I'm going on the date. Should I even go? I shouldn't go. I'm a terrible person. But now it puts me in like a really weird position cuz it's like Greg, he's so cute. And Sally, like she hates me so much. Oh my god, what do I do? She's a mother of chickens now. I'm hurting a single mother of five. She's got two dogs and chickens. A single mother of five. What if I never saw this happening to me?

29:02 And Molly's like I mean it's the same place that Sally and Vonita were in and you know Sally was in a weird place but she was like whatever I'm going to do what I want. So kind of similar because you know Molly hates Sally this season which is kind of fun. It doesn't it's not very impactful but like she just chimes in on the side being like [ __ ] that [ __ ] Am I right? Okay, go get it.

29:20 Yeah. Yeah. And she's got a point there, you know. She's like you know she didn't give a [ __ ] what her friend thought so why would you give a [ __ ] what she think? She's like kind of similar. She goes, "I mean, I guess."

29:32 By the way, we have a couple things that we need to add. So, apparently on the after show, we found out that Venita didn't just like leave the party cuz she was upset. She had a kidney infection and had to go to the hospital, I guess, which is weird because she did say, "But I'm upset and I'm leaving." So, I'm not really sure how that got edited into a weird place because she definitely left because she was upset. So, I don't know if she was upset and that triggered a kidney thing. I don't know. I don't know. But just to update people.

30:01 Okay. And the other thing that was super weird in the after show, I just saw a clip but

30:08 Venita is talking about how she really loves Sally and that she wants to know where Sally is at all times and she has her location and so she checks her location at night and makes sure that Sally is at home at a certain amount of time, at a certain time of night so she's not out getting into trouble with boys. And whoever she's talking to, I don't remember if it's Molly or Charlie, but they're looking at her like, "Uh-huh. Okay." And well, that's nice. But it's like you see in their face and like you're So you're just crazy. So you're you're nuts.

30:43 You're coming out as just being [ __ ] nuts at this point. And I kind of like that that we're just like slowly finding out that maybe Venita's just nuts. She's just maybe she's unstable in more than one ways because she falls over a lot and now we're finding out that maybe she's unstable in new ways. So that's exciting.

31:02 Yeah. Slowly getting new layers to Venita. Yeah. But I like it. Um I will I will take those off camera or off the main show

31:12 um qualities of Venita. They make me more interested. So Molly's uh Molly's like, "Well, I mean Craig, like I mean like look, Craig is is he a good guy when he likes you and he's a bad guy when he likes Charlie?" Like it doesn't make much sense, Sally. Like it's hypocritical. But that's Sally in a nutshell. Classic Sally. So then uh Charlie's like, "I just I don't want to upset Sally." And Molly's like, "Uh you got to quit caring so much." I know. It's just it's hard cuz like whenever it's like literally my best friend and she's like telling me that she doesn't care. Like it doesn't feel it doesn't feel like that. I think that she cares. It's like, "Okay, can you put down your mosaic pieces? Okay, stop wiping your tears with those that you're going to get you're going to cut your cheeks."

31:54 Yeah. She's like, "Oh, why am I bleeding?" Um, so I thought it was funny because Charlie says, "Yeah, you know, it's like she said she doesn't care, but it doesn't feel like she doesn't care." And it cuts to it goes to Sally going, "Well, have fun on your day." He's going to write me off like that. Like, [ __ ] him. But I guess you should have fun because it's gonna happen to you. Yeah, it seems like Sally's really psyched for your date. I can see why you're confused.

32:20 So Molly's like, "Oh, don't be sad, pretty girl. I know it's all stressful, but like you're not meant like you're not meant to be or you're not a good friend. Like literally like Charlie, I promise you like you are a good friend. It's all good." And Charlie's like, "I just want them to be okay with each other." She's like starting to choke up and Molly's like, "Oh god, this one. Like I care about another stupid blonde tw crying about a guy who likes her too much." So Molly's like, "Well, if she's claiming not to care, then maybe you just have to go by that and be like, "All right, you said you don't care. I'm going on the date." Yeah. So like, just do just [ __ ] do what feels right. I mean, what do you want from me? So what'd you end up making? She's like, "Oh, nothing. I didn't I have blood all over my glass now. What did you make?"

33:06 Charlie's like, "Euponium." Duh. Pretty amazing. You're a [ __ ] She's like, "Be true to yourself. Don't call me again."

33:15 This was not This is I'd rather go back and shoot more scenes with Whitney. Okay. In his lair.

33:22 I'd rather [ __ ] Whitney again. Rodrigo and Tyler go to a store called Saladon to do some interior designing. Um, and uh, you know, this is Rodrigo is outfitting Shep's new home, uh, cuz he is an interior designer. And so Rodrigo is like, "Empirically, Shep is cheap, but in this process, he never gave me a budget, so baby, I'm flying free." So now we're going to see Rodrigo at work doing his art. Yes. Picking furniture. And so he goes in and the sales lady's like, "Oh, Rodrigo, God, I haven't seen you in a long time. Have we given up the business? Where we been, Rodrigo?" Mr.

34:05 Nonworking Rodrigo. Hey everybody. Here's um hobbyist decorator Rodrigo. Welcome him back to the store. Haven't seen him in a while. Wow. You still know what a couch is. Okay. Just sitting on lawn furniture these days. Those customers all dry up. Okay. Enjoy the store. We've got a bunch of $4,000 tables, you [ __ ] idiot. Thanks for coming in. And Tyler's like, "Oh my god, that's the largest coffee table I've ever seen. Iconic." And the lady's like, "Um, those are actually old opium beds from China." They're like, "Oh, cool.

34:37 Associated with drug use. Perfect for Shep." Shep is going to love that. This is an opium. This is from an opium den in China.

34:47 Gosh. Um, so they It's $4,100. You took this out of a crack house and you want to charge me $4,100 for it? It's like, hey, this came from a This came from a drug den. [clears throat] Uh, it's got sperm all over it. Uh, very old sperm, though. It's antique sperm. Okay. And it's $4,100. Consider yourself lucky to get this bargain.

35:10 So then, I mean, Rodrigo is really leaning into like antiquities and antiques for Shep, which I'm like, is this Shep's aesthetic? I mean, what is Shep's aesthetic? Like rumpled clothes? I'm not sure. You can't decorate the house with a baseball cap with an American flag on it. You know what I mean? This is it. He's What are you gonna decorate? It's like, okay, here's my client. Think of a crumpled brown paper bag that spits when he talks. What do you get him? So, um, Rodrigo is, uh, mentioning that they have a busy week coming up because the engagement party and Tyler, I like Tyler going, "Well, you proposed to me, so you should be planning it." Like, you can't trap me into planning this on camera. Okay, I already said I'm going to make Ina Gart's weekn night bolognese and that's my contribution. You figure out the rest.

35:57 He's like, um, I don't think that that's how that works, Tyler. He's like, yeah, it is. You you you can plan it and you will plan it. He's like, um, you're a [ __ ] So, he talks about how they got engaged in Greece nine months ago. I am Greek and um

36:10 I am Greek. Joke about having a cash bar, which I would do. I don't I don't think that's a joke. I I want to have like a BYOB if I ever do it. Would it be like just bring it on?

36:22 I think a I I would I would not do an a cash bar your engagement party. I just wouldn't do that. I don't think so. I think

36:29 I don't know. I feel like you should if you're going to do a whole big fancy engage I Let me put it this way. If you do a party maybe at like a restaurant, shore or cash bar, but if you're doing this whole thing, a lavish production with chairs and tables and everyone has to be dressed in white, that's sort of implying a certain am amount of like luxury and a certain amount of of, you know, to-do. Like if everyone has to follow all these rules and then it's like, oh, and by the way, you also have to pay for your drinks. I don't know. I don't like that. I think you should pay for your drink.

36:58 I mean, I think you're right. I think that's tacky. Maybe it should be like a potluck or like a bring your own. Um, I I would do like a BMA wedding, like a bring me a man wedding. I'm just going to throw myself a wedding where you have to bring all your own food and drinks and also bring someone for me to marry,

37:14 right? Cuz I'm never I'm never putting the effort into any of that stuff. That sounds perfect. Um, yeah, I I'm actually a little surprised that they threw this sort of party. I really did think like Tyler speaks to me as a truly as a barefoot contest. I don't know if we ever saw him doing that, but like I've always had it in my mind that he has at least three of Ina Gart's cookbooks. And I think that he would just have like a little like a a thing where people show up in Blazers and uh past apps that are all kind of like Hampton Zy and it's in their house and they they play some nice music. They put on some bubé in the background and it's like nice but boring and then everyone leaves. But I was not expecting them to do a like take us back to Santorini kind of engagement party.

37:54 everyone has to wear white and um you know it's like more like it's just it just was fancier than I was expecting from these two.

38:03 Well, I mean it was in a borrowed backyard. I mean it's not that fancy. I mean just telling people to wear white's not that fancy, but I don't want to diss it or anything. It looked nice. You know, they put up a tent for them to like kiss each other under and stuff. That was nice.

38:16 I think asking people to wear all white and not have beer stains on it is pretty fancy for this show. So

38:22 yeah, this is Southern Charm. So, this was pretty elegant. Um, so, um, they're talking about their wedding and he's like, "Yeah, I mean, now that we're engaged, people are asking me like, "When is the wedding?" And I'm like, "What?" Like, I want to get my kitchen done. Like, I'm remodeling my kitchen because I'm a I'm a designer and I don't want to go on Reddit and have people saying like, "What the [ __ ] is his [ __ ] design aesthetic? How is he a designer? His kitchen looks like shit." And we see many pull quotes from Reddit of people being like, "He's a designer and his kitchen looks like shit." I was surprised. Did we ever clock that? I'm actually shocked.

38:56 I feel like we didn't cuz I thought, "Wow, these people are even gayer than we are on Reddit cuz I don't think we've dissed his kitchen before, have we?"

39:03 I don't think I don't think I truly I don't think I truly realized that Rodrigo was a an interior designer until this season. He may have told us, but in my mind, I thought he was like a lawyer or something. like I I didn't get he did not visually uh strike me as an interior designer because I feel like he doesn't talk about design a lot or looks or I don't know or maybe I just missed it. Maybe I just had a blind spot. Either way, I just am like upset that we missed a chance that we could have really hounded him for his kitchen because that probably would have been a really fun thing for us to do.

39:32 Yeah. Well, it's gone now. That that time's over. We lost. Um so yeah, they're like Rodrigo's an interior designer. What a loser. The countertop, the backsplash, that is unforgivable. I must have missed the live life, love decor. I mean, that does sound like something we'd say. He has a grand we didn't say something about this. This all sounds like us. I don't like the stupid comments we'd say.

39:54 So, Rodrigo's like, "Bitch, I know. I know. That's why I'm not married yet. I want a better kitchen. My career is tanking cuz everyone's making fun of my kitchen." So, uh, Tyler is hoping that Austin's going to bring Audrey, you know. And Rodrigo's like, I mean, she said she's coming. So, Audrey, life of the party. And she's like, "Yeah, and how do you think Audrey's going to feel about seeing Chef and Craig for the first time?" Am I right,

40:15 girl? Literally, nobody cares what Audrey thinks. I mean, what is Audrey doing here? I think Audrey's like one of those people that you just Audrey is one of those people that in Los Angeles, like you see them going into the celebrity center for the first time, like they're being invited by some Scientologist like, "Hey, you want to come in for a free evaluation?" They're like, "Yeah, it's free evaluation." And you're like, there's no helping them. You know that you should run them run over and be like, no, no, no. This isn't what you think it's going to be. They're going to ruin your life. But you're like, they're just too dumb.

40:49 Just let them go. Just let them go. That's how I feel about Audrey. Audrey, like we want to save Audrey, but

40:55 if you if this show has been on for 10 years and you're still dumb enough to date these guys, I can't feel bad for you.

41:02 Yeah. I mean, that's like it's it's a choice that she's made to go with Austin. But I actually do like Audrey because what I like is seeing her go from like, "Oh my god, like this nice, sweet girl Audrey last season to slowly realizing the hell that she has entered herself into and like realizing that that like Austin is Austin and he's surrounded by awful people and she's just like, why am I doing this?" You just sort of see that realization all over her face as she events, you know? And I think that's a really fun

41:32 I don't dislike Audrey at all. I just don't I just wouldn't save her. I wouldn't run over to help her because I feel like Audrey, I look at Audrey and I think of three letters, DY R. Do your research, you know. She's like, "Well, unfortunately, I went to a BMAN uh event and this is what I wound up with, and I I just my friend said I shouldn't do it, and I I'm too committed, so I have to see this through."

42:00 Yeah. Prove them wrong. [clears throat] But, uh, yeah, it was a mistake. It was a mistake to do BMA.

42:04 Yeah. Rodrigo says, "Well, I mean, I don't think she's too comfortable with Craig and Shep throwing the throwing throwing him under the bus, but I mean, I do believe that the [ __ ] Shep was going around saying about him." No, I mean, I don't believe that, but if Austin has some hesitation about their relationship, like I just want him to be upfront with her.

42:23 And Tyler's like, "Yeah, stop shringing things along." He's like, "I don't know." I was like, "No, seriously, too many fairy lights. Like, do we have to do in the backyard so much? Can we stop shring so many lights together? It's kind of annoying me right now." Now Austin and his sister Katie are out and they're at Santi's Mexican restaurant and Austin's one of those people who goes to um a Mexican restaurant and goes "Hola we're here for some Mexicano food." Yeah, I'm bilingual. I'm bilingual. Do you have some tostadas?

42:51 Nailed it. He's like, "Behold Santis. I love this place." And you know, everyone at Santies is like, "Oh god, behold the [ __ ] Oh god, can I go on break?" for you. Borf.

43:09 He literally says, "Borefore." I'm telling you, he's that kind of guy. I know. [clears throat] And he's like, "Well, seriously though, thank you for pulling the trigger with me. Thank you so much. I can't believe it took me this long to decide to get married to my own sister." She's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pulling the trigger? That was not what I meant." By pulling the trigger, he meant they got brother and sister tattoos. sibling tattoos. Um,

43:35 yep. They got tattoos in honor of their sister. It's like the uh birthday. It's like birthday of their sister who passed and then the birthday of Katie's birthday. So, it's like sister to sister. It's very nice. Very lovely. Uh, especially in light of recent podcasts that were a bit insensitive about this situ.

43:54 Oh my god, did you see that clip? Oh my god, the Nick V. The Nick V podcast. Oh my god. Awkward.

44:00 I went back to watch the rest. I was like, so for those of you who didn't see it, Austin goes on their podcast and they're like, oh, you know, great, blah, blah, blah. Regular interview. So, you know, your sister died. Yes. Yes. It was very sad. Yeah. So, how did that happen again? And he's like, um, well, you know, we were, he kind of tells a story and she's like, so they just got so weird about it. I was like, is this a true crime, Doc? are you trying to pin the murder on him? What is happening in this podcast? It was just so it was so uncomfortable. I think he handled it pretty well, but the internet went crazy. They were like, "Fuck you, too." And I was like, "Yeah, what were you guys what were you guys thinking on that one?"

44:44 Yeah, that was a that was that's a deep dive into your sister's death. Let's just keep asking question after question after question.

44:52 Uh insensitive. So Austin is like, "Anyways, Audrey's coming in tonight and for for Rod and Tyler's engagement party tonight. I so I'm so excited to see her and because I haven't seen her in two weeks. I cannot wait." It's like, "Uh, excuse me, sir. Uh, the people at the next table are concerned that you're watering down their guacamole. Could you please just like try to just Here's a here's a shield from CO. One of those clear shields. Just put on your face. Thank you so much."

45:21 And Katie's like, "Okay, but like um have you guys even talked about like if she was going to move here? Like, have you even talked about that possibility?" He's like, "No, no, no. I feel like it's like a little bit like she's been like living in the for in the moment and I've been [clears throat] like living in the moment and like, you know, the moment she's not here and that's like a great moment. I love those moments." You know, you really got to appreciate the moments that your girlfriend's not in town, which I do. So, that's been really fun.

45:44 That's what that's the moment we're living in. She's like, "Um, okay." Okay, that was a whole lot of [ __ ] But like um

45:50 you've been dating for like a year and a half and like you're having hesitation about Audrey moving here. Like what is it that's telling you to like to not h have her come here? Like if you're not gung-ho, then like what are you? Uh gong no, right? High five, right? Oh. Oh, sorry. Hey, why are you sounding so aggressive? I just realized that was very anti your brother. And she's like, um I love Audrey. And he's like, I know. I know you do. And she says, "Yeah, I just like you need to like feel gung-ho." I'm just gonna say gung-ho a lot because like you really need to be gung-ho. I just want you to be gung-ho. Like why aren't you gung-ho?

46:28 Why aren't you like a Michael Keaton comedy? And as the producer says, I was thinking of that, too. That was a good one. Remember when you worked the car line, he had to make all the cars? It's a good one. It's a glimpse into America.

46:40 Yeah. Gung-ho. So the producer is like, "You're just not ready to take that next step, are you?" Well, I have some reservations. This is insane not to. And like much like I had some reservations about getting cats. So, what I'm trying to say is Audrey is kind of like a small little furry creature that I could use on camera to make people like me since I've had so many years of bad edits. So, like yeah, I guess when I think about Audrey, I say, "Wait, this could be the last step, last next step of my life." It's like, you ever see those movies where someone's walking up a staircase and then there's no more staircase? They don't realize and they fall off a cliff and die. That's what she's like. the last step before that happens.

47:16 Austin's such a wuss in this situation. Like, we all know that um Austin has this girlfriend long distance so he can repair his relationship, look good on camera, like he's being so good. And now he's going to be like, "Oh my god, I just I don't know if I can be with her because I'm just not serious enough." Now that he's found someone else to [ __ ] on camera whose name is Sally. And so now he's going to get rid of this girl that he's been using as a placeholder. And he doesn't even have the nerve to do it alone. He's got to drag everybody else. He's got to bring his sister on TV to talk him out to talk him into dumping her. You know what I mean? Like we all know that you don't like her. We all know you're going to dump her the second you found somebody else to bring on camera, which you did. And now you're going to make everybody else in your life come on and talk you out of it.

48:01 Just grow up, dude. Just You're not into it. You've never been into it. Dumper. You've got cats now. You've got the reputation to

48:09 cats. You got cats now and forever. He has cats. So Katie is like, um, uh, is is the benefit is your benefit of stepping back to be like, do I miss you enough? Is it really what I want? I mean, what are you doing if you're not all in? Like Teddy Melanchamp. And he's like, well, it's kind of like a meteor that's coming towards Earth. But I'm like, no, no, no. It's like in six months. Like, you don't have to worry about that meteor for six months. And I'm just like, whoa. I'm enjoying it. Even though that's like a no that's there. It's coming. So, what I'm trying to say is that Audrey is like a catastrophic event that will kill all of humanity. And I'm just trying to enjoy myself before my life is like a barren wasteland full of dark skies and burning seas.

48:56 So, wait, you're saying you want a thicker girlfriend? Like you want a meteor girlfriend? No, she's like an end of the world event. Audrey is the apocalypse. She is zombies coming out of the ground to eat my [ __ ] face off. When I had sex with her, the only way I can imagine getting on Audrey is pretending I'm Bruce Willis being sent onto the meteor to blow it up from the inside. Do you know what I'm saying? Okay. Well, I don't want to put like a dark cloud on his hanging out or anything like that. I mean, this has been fun talking about how Audrey is basically the end of the world. But, uh, you know, I I do understand now that you've told me that I need to be more gung-ho. Is that the word you use?

49:37 Gung-ho. Be more gung-ho. Yeah. I need to have a very tough conversation. That is definitely in our imminent future. I said imminent. I said,

49:47 fast forward today. Audrey, let me put it to you this way. I am like a Japanese auto manufacturer and you are a meteor coming to destroy the cars and I don't know for the productivity of my Toyotas if that's going to be good for us. So, I'm going to need to send your meteor to a different car factory. Does that make sense?

50:07 I don't know what advice your sister gave you, but you're really failing right now.

50:12 Yeah. By the way, I had an extremely vivid dream about seeing a meteor shower last night and it's clear it's because this stupid analogy that Austin made because I watched the show right before I went to bed and clearly I watched it and I had a dream about meteors because Austin mentioned meteors. So, thanks a lot for incepting me Austin. God, you got incepted by Austin. That's crazy. It's terrible.

50:36 Did you wake up with a wet face? You're like, why do I have a bit of tortilla chip in my eye? So weird.

50:43 [gasps] Why did I wake up saying bor favore good morning poor favore senorita? So Vanita and her mom um go down the sidewalk walking hand in hand and they go to like a daquiri store. Zachary's dairies possibly.

51:01 Zachary is that the is that the name of the place that was on Southern Charm? Zachary's Dairies. Isn't that Venita's place?

51:08 What? Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that. It probably and they got in trouble cuz they wouldn't let people in with tennis shoes or something.

51:16 Well, they're definitely a dairy place that sort of looks like an like an ice cream parlor. I'm not sure what's going on but

51:24 type establishment. Yeah, they do have a place called Zachary's Dairies. This is it.

51:33 Maybe. By the way, this would be a good time to mention that the Southern Hospitality trailer dropped today. And it is so [ __ ] amazing that if you're not watching Southern Hospitality, it's time to get on board. You have time now to catch up because it's it's this is one of the best trailers that Bravo has done in quite some time. I would have to say

51:51 can't wait. Yeah, it's really like a a remarkable like a a remarkable remarkable trailer. Okay, so they so Venita and her mom vi they sit down and um they're going to get some dairies and everything and Venita tells us my mom and I get together often now, but it wasn't always like that cuz we're more similar than we are willing to admit. So we butt heads and it took me moving out for us to build a true uh relationship. And that was eight years ago. And so uh you know that her mom's like, "We're not more similar. You were just a brat."

52:25 And I'm the mom and I knew better. Okay. You were an [ __ ] and you wouldn't stop um finding out where I was on my iPhone and calling me and telling me to come home, so stop lying. And Venita, so she asked Venita, "So what's going on with your love life?" And she's like, "Oh, big dog questions." Whoa, big dog questions, Mom. And she's like, "No, I just want some grandkids before I leave this world." And V, by the way, A+ mom guilt right there. Just out the gates. So Vinnie is like, "Okay, that's rude. Um, are you going to help me find the man? She's like, well, I heard about this new concept called a BMAM. Have you tried one of those? Mom, not doing a BMAM.

53:06 Um, so, um, now Venita is telling her, you know what the mom really does not give a [ __ ] about? She's like, I want to hear about the future grandchildren, but instead, no, let's just talk about this stupid girl you're hanging out with. So, she's like, oh my god, me and Sally are having a friendship hiccup. It's like, do you see the mom? Like, oh god, I should have gotten alcohol in these be nicoladas. The mom's like, I don't know who Sally is. Is that your vacuum cleaner? She's like, no. Well, it's just like really annoying right now because I've never had to deal with this as an adult and like a man coming in the way of our friends. So, I told her, "Go after your man, but don't call me when when you know he like hurts your feelings." And her mom's like, "That's mean." She's like, "Whoa, is it?" Yeah. The mom's like, "I just feel like a friend is a friend regardless. And a friend is a

53:50 friend through the good times." and the bad times. And I think like you just keep offering grace and you know I mean there's literally a song that says in good times and bad times that's what friends are for. Hello we don't together to not give you bad advice.

54:05 And she says you should be sensitive to what the other one's feeling and saying because at the end of the day you get nothing for nothing. And good friendships are something that are very rare. And Vinnie was like, "Um, okay. Well, thank you for coming and getting free daries and not being on my side, mother." But I don't think I was harsh towards Sally. Uh, I just I might be beating a dead horse at this point. Maybe I need to be a little more patient. And she's like, "Yeah, it seems like you had a strong connection." And I mean, that's good, right? Right.

54:35 Can I go home now? She's like, "I don't know. I'm just going to give you some generic advice. Could I go back to the house that I finally got without you there? That would be great.

54:46 Going to pick up this daquiri check. Okay. Yeah. So, now we go over to Shep driving his car. Gosh, call call Rodrigo. And so then um what did we say we were going to call uh she who shall not be named who lives in our phones so that way she doesn't go off every time we mention her. Was it like Bernett? Bernett after this after my serger. Hey Bernett, call Rodrigo. Calling Rodrigo. But then Bernett hangs up by accident and Shep gets so mad.

55:16 God damn it. [ __ ] why would you do that? I was just about to call Rodrigo. Stupid Bernett. God, Bernett's better in Cuba. So he calls, he finally gets him and he's like, "Hey friend, I'm back in Charleston. Back from sunny, gorgeous Kuba. I got burned though. Well, the trip was fantastic. My brother and dad, my cousin came down. You couldn't WIPE THE SMILES OFF OUR FACES, MAN. Our pretty little freckled lips couldn't stop smiling. So, we see them jumping off a boat in Cuba, which is exciting. And Chef is like, "So, gosh, I'm really happy that we're able to do that, but where do we stand on the house, by the way, because I'm going to have to move in with Craig, and I just am not really sure I'm ready for that just yet." He's like, "Well, I just went shopping and I found you a table that was from an opium den, so I thought that would be cool."

56:08 Oh, cool. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Well, I'm going to go to Craig's home right now because I don't really have a I don't know. I'm just kind of homeless right now. Gosh, you're going to start making fun of my cans. Oh gosh. So, he rents his house out during the summer. So, his house is out of there. So, without the new house ready, he's got to stay with old Craigy Poo. By the way, he gets $700 to $1,200 a night for that place. That's crazy.

56:33 Made me want to rent things out. I know. I know. Seriously, I should buy a Airbnb in Charleston and let it rip.

56:39 [ __ ] That's some good money. So, um, he thinks it's going to be fun. We think it's going to be a nightmare. I think we're all right. So, he gets to Craig's house and he's he's already got his laundry ready to go and he's like, "Hola, amigo KL. Have you been talking to Austin?" No. Why? I'm in Cub I've been in Cuba. So basically I know Spanish now. It's like okay well I got some hot sausage and a New York strip and I'm got some chicken breast, you know. Oh gosh, that reminds me. You've come a long way since the backyard barbecue. And we see footage of them in that ill- fated barbecue that somehow has stayed in all our minds where they just were totally inept. And I think that like Craig threw frozen ribs onto the grill or something like that.

57:25 I think that was a Wait, was that that time? Did he do it? Did he do it again? Cuz he also did it last year when he's like, "Yeah, I'm the griller." And then he just opens a big bag of frozen meats, shove dumps it all onto the grill and closes the grill. Looks delicious, Craig. Looks delicious.

57:41 Great. So then this was also when Craig was like compulsively lying and getting called out for it. Unlike now where he's just compulsively lying and like getting past everyone like pretends it's not happening. But um Craig's chef goes, "Did you flip the ribs?" And he's like, "Uh, I'm on my phone. I never smoked anything. What should I know about that?" He's like, "You said you were a grill master." Wait, you don't know how to grill? No, you claim to be a grill master. Uh-uh. So, Chef is like, "By the way, do you I might do a little bit of laundry at some point. Is that cool? I've just got some sweaty fishy clothes." So, Craig is like, "Oh my god, I used to be the messiest person in the world." And then something happened. I don't know what, but my house is a little bit different these days. I was like, Paige came in and said, "You have to get a cleaning lady." And stop acting like you're

58:33 cleaning your own [ __ ] You don't. I know you got cleaning ladies. You literally say it in one second later. He's like,

58:39 I think just like [ __ ] makes things feel very haha lived in. That's how I'll put it. So my cleaning ladies are on standby. I'm like, yeah. So like you don't act like you are cleaner. You just have money so you can make yourself appear cleaner.

58:53 Yeah. It's like Yeah. And these days I really like I'm really together and I just like my house the way I like it. And you can afford cleaning ladies. It's okay.

59:00 Afford cleaning ladies. So it's fine. So chef uh was like, "Wow, I feel like I'm back in my waiter days. I used to weigh tables." I used TO BE LIKE "GOSH HOW'S everyone doing today?" I wouldn't go back to the table really. I wasn't very good at it. I can't imagine chef serving other people. I think what he meant when he said he was he used to wait tables was

59:22 I'd go to a restaurant be like when's my table going to be running? Gosh. Do you have any of those little buzzer things I can hold until my table is ready? Just so I can feel like I'm back in my back in the job market.

59:35 He clearly at 16 was like working had like a summer job at like the the country club that his parents were like this way he'll have work experience and understand what it's like to be a normal person. and he like brought, you know, hot dogs and fries out to people at their golf tables outside on the terrace. Like that's all that it was for sure. It was not a real like real deal restaurant.

59:55 So Craig opens up about the drama with Sally. He's like, well um like there's some drama with Sally cuz we went to get chickens together and then Sally was like, I should have been catching I've been catching some feelings. I'm saying I'm liking you. Uh I don't see it. Wow. Chaos Volcano.

1:00:16 WOW. AS MUCH AS SHE ACTS like a guy, things take longer and hurt a little more and sting a little MORE CUZ SHE'S A GIRL. NOW, Charlie and I are going to go to this oyster farm and we're just going to like hang out cuz we haven't even had space to ever really talk cuz Sally is cuckoo crazy stalker clinger. Whoa, she's chaos volcano. Get her away from me. I hate her. Uh, lock a date. Yeah. Yeah. But like Charlie's like nervous be the Sally's going to get mad now. Oh yeah. Um, I saw that craft that craft store down the street shut down. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Sally has an ownership thing over Charlie and her behavior like you used to do with Austin kind of. I mean, it's like Austin cared about what you thought and it sounds like Charlie still cares what Sally thinks.

1:01:08 I don't think that's fair because I never like liked Sally. Like if I did, I would have had her stay the night when we were all there. So like I don't know. She's crazy. Gosh, I honestly believe that he wasn't flirting with Sally, but he loves to chat and talk. I mean, all the things this guy that girls see as intimacy, Craig just sees as being himself, like flirting, inviting people over to stay the night, making plans for the rest of their life with bees and chickens. That's just crack. Talking about how many kids they want in the form of chickens.

1:01:43 Girls are dumb. You befriended somebody rather quickly and confided how you're like, "Oh man, she's different than what I originally thought." Like, what? And Craig says, "Yeah, cuz after my breakup with Paige, I feel so free." You know, because that was totally my decision. I feel great about it. I was like, "Hey, new friend." But somewhere somehow it went wrong. It never went wrong. She said she had feelings for you. And then you said, "I don't have feelings for you." And then you went and told everyone that she's a crazy person. So nothing went wrong. You just were being a jerk. By the way, did we not clock this last week? how blatantly obvious it is like that Sally trying to fill the void of Paige got chickens like chicken

1:02:29 chicken I know I didn't we didn't clock it last week and someone said it in the comment like of course he's getting chickens cuz he lost chicken like duh yeah I didn't clock it

1:02:41 but it's sad I didn't clock it until right now at this moment he and maybe that's why he resents Sally now because Sally actually has chickens and he's like chicken so he sees her as like mother of chicken, you know, and he's like,

1:02:53 "They're all against me." Yeah. He likes calling a girl chicken, but he doesn't like to actually own a chicken. That's it. So, now we're at the engagement party and Tyler is moving some vases around, which is exciting. And they're heavy. He's like, "This got to be 20 pounds." And they're they're arranging it. And then we meet Lisa. It's very scary. It's 20 pounds.

1:03:17 It's like me. I'm like, "20bs? No. Call a task. Rabbit. So Lisa Lisa is their friend and she has uh rented out or given the backyard for this Greek party which doesn't look Greek at all except they're all dressed in white. And uh Tyler's like, "We did it, guys. It's transformed into a Greek palace. Thank you so much for hosting this." As you can see by the fact that this looks like literally every other party we've ever thrown on the show. Just people dressed in white with white linens and um some flowers [clears throat] on tables. someone's backyard in 500 degree weather

1:03:50 with sports coats on. That's just how we roll here. And she's like, "Oh, honey, you know how much I love y'all. I'm just so proud of you guys. I'm just so happy to be a part of this. My two great gods." You're staying inside, right? Oh. Oh, okay. We're just using your backyard, Lisa. Okay. Sorry.

1:04:06 You don't really fit in here, Lisa. Okay. Um Austin arrives. Yeah. Austin shirts.

1:04:13 Austin's brought two shirts to try. what what's he gonna wear? And Audrey's getting ready curling her hair and she's like, "I brought the steamer." And so he's like, "Are you excited to see Tyler and Rod?" She's like, "Oh, can't wait. I mean, I he sent me the invitation, but like where even is the invitation? Where where's the party at?" And he's like, "Oh, is it a palm Chef's house?" So, like, you know, like near Chef's house. So, like, who will be in attendance tonight? Of course. Like, how do you feel about seeing Shep after he said all that bad stuff about you?

1:04:44 and she's like, "Well, you know, he's not my favorite person right now." And I do love the the continued tradition of girls uh long-distance girlfriends on this show who hate Shep. So Austin is like like, "Look, Shep feels really bad." Like, you know, like it's Craig. Like he felt so bad. He said, "Lo, Siento," which I think he thought that I'm sorry, but like I gave him a pass on that one. So Craig has absolutely no [ __ ] reason to explode at me the way he did cuz he's not feeling sorry and like to try and like embarrass me. is insane right now, Audrey.

1:05:15 So, we see that the party um where they fought before and she says, "Yeah, that's what pissed me off cuz he doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't even know me." And that's fine. I mean, look, there's so much to know about me. I hate traffic. Traffic sucks and I'm in traffic a lot, which is terrible. I mean, if only he knew that. Yeah. And so, um, she's like, you know, the thing is this, like I, you know, for him to make those comments, like you're unhappy. Like, he has no idea what goes on in this relationship. To be fair, I'm not sure you have any understanding of what goes on in this relationship. I don't honestly even know what goes on in this relationship because a lot of it is just me like, "Hey, it's me, Audrey.

1:05:53 Call me when you when you get this message. It's been a few days." Anyway, it just makes me feel like makes me feel like look, I have my head in the sand, which I don't. I definitely don't have my head in the sand about the situation whatsoever. And it just cuts to Austin looking himself in the mirror like when should I tell her that she has her head in the sand? He knows nothing about this relationship. I work so hard on this relationship driving. This relationship has so many miles on it. We're not going to get a lot of money on trade in on this relationship. We have driven I've driven a lot. It's been a lot of driving. Okay.

1:06:28 He's just not paying attention to her. Staring at his hair. He's like, "Would you be interested in a new Toyota? Cuz apparently I'm gung-ho." Okay. I don't know what that means. I'm I'm a millennial. Um So, so basically, she's getting annoyed. She's annoyed at She's annoyed at the guys for butting in as usual. And um and she's also annoyed at Austin that like he like that he's like so forgiving of Craig.

1:06:54 Yeah. And Austin's like, "Yeah, I have I have a tendency to forgive Craig a little." You didn't forgive Craig. Why are you pretending you forgave Craig? You immediately went and stabbed Craig in the back like five minutes after you forgave him. Let's not pretend Austin's a best friend either here. But I like that they I like that these guys just constantly use the women in their lives against each other. It's like, "Okay, here's what these guys said about you. They hate you. Go get them. Okay, we don't hate Shep anymore. Now we hate Craig the most."

1:07:21 She's like, "Okay, I mean, I guess we hate Greg the most today." Jesus. Well, okay. Well, here's the thing. Craig freaks out exponentially more than like than he should. And then it's like back to like, "Oh, hey, man. My bad. Let's be good again." It's like, "You're exhausting me." So, like then he replaced me with Sally. It's insane right now. Uh, and so he's basically says, "And now Craig had a fit on Sally." So, the pattern continues. And we see last night, I mean, we see, I'm sorry, last week again, Craig being like, "She's crazy. Chaos fell. She's a chaos tornado. Wow.

1:07:55 Yeah. So, uh he has a lot to answer for tonight. She's like, "Okay." So, now we go back to the engagement party. People are arriving. Um uh Austin's still still digesting his Mexican food. He's like, "VOMOS, VOMIT." Turns out Loento does mean I'm sorry. That's crazy insane. right now. Leva shows up um and she's like, "Hi." And and Ro, oh my god, Leva. Very Greek. She's like, "Yeah, it's Greek with a splash of senorita." There's a lot of lot of Spanish influence on this episode.

1:08:30 Yeah. Um so, um other people come, you know, uh whatever. Madison's Madison comes, she's she's like, "My titties are out today."

1:08:41 And Lea says, "You're pregnant. You're going to have a lot of titties coming up. They're going to be out for a long time, girl. A and so she says hi to Austin and Audrey and um uh right when she comes over Austin goes, "Wow, look at her." And Madison says, "I'm hanging in there." And Austin's like, "Wow, you look great. Uh so Audrey, you need to go get a refresh on your drink." And she's like, "No, I'm fine." He's like, "Oh, okay. Well, I guess Audrey's going to sit here and talk to me while I talk to Madison, too.

1:09:09 God, can I get a minute alone?" And Madison's like, "I'm also shocked to see Audrey here." And we see

1:09:16 wasn't even offering to get her a drink. He's like, "You want to go get yourself a refill? You can excuse yourself now, Audrey."

1:09:23 So, we get a flashback of Austin and Madison when they were talking over boiled crab, which is also you just sort of see little flexcks of crab spewing out of Austin's face. He's like, I just feel like I'm just like a [ __ ] It's like just so good and easy. I love a good easy relationship. She's like, don't you feel like you're bored? And he's like, what? Uh yeah. So Madison's [clears throat] basically like,

1:09:44 you know, I think that Austin's like making her believe that like everything's perfect, but like she's unfortunate because like that all of us behind the scenes know this ain't going to last. She is not born for corn. That ain't going to last. I'll tell you it that's going to last is about much as a low calorie snack in my household these days. Come on. Okay. What are the odds that Rod cries during a speech? Such a [ __ ] All right. He's going to cry. I'll pay you 20 bucks. And then Shep and Craig are arriving and there's like mosquitoes around them and they're like they're fussy because Craig is wearing a fedora which doesn't really match the entire like white everyone's wearing he's like wearing white linen whatever but then has like this fed fedora like propped on his head and he's like I'm going to need some bug spray and like I forgot my shades like a dumbass.

1:10:33 Yeah. So they come in and um Shep sees what did you say? I didn't know it was an outside party. Have you ever had an inside party on this show? I know. Ever. So chef's like, "Wow, it's so awkward cuz Audrey is here." Oh, I don't know what Austin told Audrey, but I know my name was mentioned and it probably wasn't mentioned in a wonderful light. So he says, "Hi." And they all say hi to her. And she's like, "Hi. How are you, Craig?" He's like, "I'm good. I'm here. I didn't know the party was outside. Did you know the party was outside? This is crazy. Is Greek outside?

1:11:12 I thought Greece was an indoors country. So then then Craig is seeing Audrey and he's like he tells us, "Come on, man. We all know you don't want to be with Audrey." Like, "So why are you still with her? Just break up with her." It's just so funny because like I feel like Craig didn't appreciate it when people said that about Paige. Like why are you with Pa Paige? Why are you with Craig? Like you clearly don't like him. It's time to move on. And he'd be like, "Wait a second." And now he's the one doing that. That's literally all the guys on this show, especially these three, the three main guys. Every time the other ones have a girlfriend, it's like, "Oh my god, Taylor doesn't Why is Taylor even still with Shep? Shep's not going to marry Taylor. What What is What are they doing?" Because they all know each other so well. They know that they're all faking it,

1:11:56 you know? I don't think Greg was faking it, but I think that they they all want them to just each other to be single the whole time,

1:12:04 right? So Molly and Whitney arrive and Whitney's like, "Congratulations. I would have brought you a gift, uh, Tyler and Rodrigo, but I was waiting for the registry to come in, so I didn't buy you anything, so sorry about that." Rodrigo says, "Yeah, well, it's the uh it's the Charleston Animal Society, so just give it all to them." Are you an idiot? What the This is your time. The gay people did not fight in the streets for your right to get married, so you could just ask for nothing for your wedding. This is our time. You better go get your $5,000 plates. You better stand up for the gays. Give it to the [ __ ] starving dogs. Get the [ __ ] out of here.

1:12:40 We fought for your rights. Get out there and and get some money off these straight people. Yes. Seriously. So, um, then Sally and and her friend Riley arrive and Sally's like, "We're so cute. Wow. God, why is the first person I got to see Craig?" Oh, no. So she comes in and then she says hi to everyone and Venita now that her mom is like you've been a shitty friend. Okay, take some lessons from Dion Warwick here and Bert Beckwreck. Okay. And Venita is like trying to be nice now. She's like, "I miss you. I miss you so much. I really miss you." And S's like, "Do you?

1:13:14 Cuz you sure did run out on me the other night with a quote unquote kidney infection. Whatever. Hey, you're on my dress, [ __ ] Get off my dress." She's like, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're not fighting. No, no, no. Too late. Too late. You're on my dress still. I gotta go get a drink as soon as you get off my dress [ __ ]

1:13:30 So, they're nice to each other, but Sally says, "You know, I'm tired of the drama with Venita. I'm just tired of walking on eggshells, literally." And I just want Popcorn's already leaving them everywhere. It's almost like controlling. Like, she's controlling. She's not being a good friend right now, so I'm choosing to walk. God damn it, I just stepped on. Do you have chickens here? Why am I always stepping on these things? They hurt. So, then Madison's like, "Hey, does anyone want to see a picture of my baby?" So, she shows up uh the the blobby ultrasound picture that still to me makes no sense. And uh

1:14:01 like, "Wow, look at this. Look at this large um look at this large piece of bread I swallowed. This like what what are you showing me?

1:14:07 Look at this melty candle rendering of something inside me. Like, just wait for the baby to come out and we'll look at the pictures then." So, Whitney's like, "Are you having a gender reveal party?" And are you insane? Author Gibson, are you insane? because there was a gender reveal party at your house, Whitney.

1:14:27 They literally cut to them sitting around opening dresses and everything being pink. Um, and Whitney being like, "Wow, what a fancy dress you got our mother."

1:14:40 So Madison's like, "Well, we had a pink party in your front yard cuz it's a girl." And he's like, "Oh, congratulations. Congratulations.

1:14:48 Don't you remember? Don't you remember DJ Randy was on the turntables? I mean, he got electrocuted that day by the turntable, but he was there. He was literally on the turntable. He flopped over onto it. We had to resuscitate him. So, Charlie arrives and uh and now Craig is talking uh to uh Stephen, the guy who thinks everything is amused. Oh, Steven. Oh my god. I was I was so glad that he was back and I was so upset that he was only in this one moment because Craig's like, "Hey guys, how's it going?" And you know, Steven's like, "Oh, who's the stupid America?" I remember you. You said the stupid thing that you thought Taffy wasn't a real thing. Oh, God. I love you. He's precious. So dumb, but so hilarious. Say something else, dumb. Do it. Do it. Just say anything. Anything.

1:15:33 Say it in your accent. I don't have an accent. You do. It's a dumb person accent. Just say anything. Say maths. Say maths.

1:15:41 Maths. Maths. Do you hear the way he says math? I love how messy he is cuz Craig is talking to Sally and so Stephven's like, "Oh, look at that. I feel a change of energy there. Did I feel a change of energy? I don't know what it is. Charlie's your name." Interesting name. Oh, I don't know. It just felt like a The minute you saw me, it was like boom boom romance going off my God. People love stupid people. Stupid people love stupid people. It's what this country was founded on, wasn't it? God, hug each other. It's like watching two bricks, two bricks of brains just clunking together. God, I couldn't ask for anyone more stupid to be together.

1:16:24 Congratulations, you two. Please don't procreate. Meanwhile, Meanwhile, Charlie is reenacting like the end of Good Fellas. She's like looking up in the sky for a helicopter. Do they see me? Do they see us? Are we being Am I being followed? Oh god. Oh god. It's all happening. It's all happening. I can't Okay, Craig, we cannot be seen. Can we go inside, please? Sally's going to find us very soon. Oh my god, I can't do this. Marriage bells are ringing. Like, oh my god, Sally is going to kill me. Please make this guy stop talking about us getting married. Her babies seem stupid people. God, I've never thought Americans could be funnier than when they're being dumb.

1:17:02 But when they're being scared, they're even more hilarious. Oh my god, Charlie, you are hilarious and amazing. Is this where the term scared stupid comes from? Or is it stupid scared? I get it mixed up in my head sometimes. You're rubbing off on me, aren't you? Run along you two.

1:17:20 So Sally, Sally and Charlie say hello to each other and they're like, it's fake and tense. Charlie's like, "You look so cute. You look so cute. You look cute. You look cute. Everything's fine."

1:17:36 Yeah. So, uh, Rodrigo gives a speech. It's really romantic. He's like, "Okay, uh, first of all, wanted to thank everybody for coming today. Second of all, I'm working on my kitchen. Please stop writing about it. Um, Tyler, uh, yeah, Tyler's great." Okay, everybody, thanks for coming. Save the dogs. So, then, um, uh, it's a, yeah, it's a really, really wonderful, boring speech. Um, so then Austin's like, "Hey, Audrey, you want to go down to the dock?" She's like, "Yeah, sure, I guess." So they go down to the dock and then Shep Shep is talking to Craig and he's like, "Craig, what are you doing? I want to give Austin and Audrey some privacy, but does she know that that he has said a couple of things to other people? Like that's insane, right? I'm you do the Austin line. It's insane right now." I have no idea. It's not my [ __ ] business to tell her. It's my business to tell other people to have them tell her. These guys

1:18:32 are such [ __ ] So Austin's like down on the little gazebo dock thing hanging out with Audrey and they're like, "Oh my god, let's break them up. How can we find a way to ruin their day?" Audreyy's here one time a month. Let's [ __ ] it up or let's make her cry. So meanwhile, Audrey's like, "Can we take a picture?" And uh Austin's like, "Whoa, look at my toupe. What the fuck?" Or they say in Spanish, "My tupito." Wow, it looks like I'm wearing a toupe. What the hell was that? Do you still like me even though I'm wearing a toupe?

1:19:03 And then Craig is like talking about like still talking about Austin. He's like, I mean, you want to marry her. You've been together for like two years. You need to know that. And if you don't, then you're in the wrong. Like, get out. Stop.

1:19:18 This is coming from Craig. Yeah. When you when you're with somebody for two years, that's it. Se's like, "Wow, two years is good. I mean, at age 36, I mean, I guess you ought to know. And you, too,

1:19:31 [ __ ] hypocrites. He's 38. It's not fair to the person. So, Austin is like, "All right, just give me a kiss. Let's go back up there." So, they go back up and then Charlie and Craig are talking and Charlie's saying, "Hey, uh, so I just wanted to chat, see what's up, cuz I finally talked to Sally." Yeah. And I feel like there was weirdness between her and I. And like honestly, I'm kind of like really scared. Like I got to go. I'm like I'm losing my mind right now. Okay, really? Please say something to her. Please. I can't live like this anymore. I'm going to have to craft again if this doesn't get better.

1:20:12 Um, so Craig is going to go talk to Sally now. He's like, "All right, I'll go talk to her then if it's going to make Charlie feel better cuz Charlie is terrified to date me unless she gets permission from Sally." So he's like, "Yeah, you know, I don't want Sally to be sad for anything I said, but she's put me in a weird position because like she's always going to be between me and Charlie." No, it's because she was literally between you and Charlie in a hot tub because you created that situation. You [ __ ] loser, Craig. Take responsibility for once in your life.

1:20:43 So he goes up to her to talk and um she's with Madison and um she orders non-alcoholic beer. She's like, "I need a non-alcoholic beer and a break." Oh, no. Madison needs a non-al. So, anyway, who cares? Craig

1:20:56 comes like pouring. Madison's pouring the non-alcoholic beer on the floor for Karen to lick up.

1:21:00 You want that? Want that? You deserve it, Karen. Well, just kidding. I didn't drip it. There it goes. Nope. Didn't drip it yet. Dripped it. Just [ __ ] kill me already.

1:21:12 So, um they they So, Craig is like, "So, um anyway, uh here's my hat. I'm going to lay my hat down, Sally, just to show just to show like how contrite I am. I'm gonna lay down, Sally. I don't get the reference, Craig, but you hurt me. And M like, well, this is awkward as [ __ ] And by awkward as [ __ ] super entertaining. I'm just sit right here, enjoy this. Okay, you guys.

1:21:37 Well, but it's not my intent at all. My intent was to lay down my hat. Yeah, but I just want to know why you wrote me off so quickly, Craig. I didn't write you off. I don't write. Ask anybody. I don't even sign checks. I have somebody do that for me. It's hard.

1:21:53 My My handwriting is like chicken scroll. See, I knew you wanted me to have those.

1:21:58 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. So Sally's like Austin told me you're done with my friendship. What? Who told you that? Austin, remember when I just said Austin told me you're done with my friendship?

1:22:11 Dumb ass. So Sally, we see a flashback of Sally saying, "What did he say about me exactly? The Earth's tornado." Then you leave a path of destruction wherever you go. And he was very quick to be like, "Me and Sally are done."

1:22:24 And Craig, what did I wish I trying to flash back? Cuz I don't remember like did Craig actually said that he and Sally are done cuz I don't remember and I was not willing to go back and look at the scene.

1:22:34 No, you remember? I don't probably. I don't know. It sounds like him. So Craig's like that is insane. God, people are saying that word a lot today in this episode. Is that not what you said then? He goes, "No. Why would you put Aren't you starting to put things together here? You You let my [ __ ] enemy get involved with our friendship." She like, "Wait, so you didn't say it?" No, I'm about to explain to you what I did. Okay. What I said? Okay. Um Um You let No, what you did? No, what I did was let you let you come between my Who are we talking about?

1:23:09 Austin. Damn it. Okay. Well, you know what? Y'all figure this out because this is too much stupid for me to deal with. So, I'm just going to go over there. God damn it. You people are dumb.

1:23:20 Craig is mad at Austin for getting in the middle of his friendship with Sally while Craig is actively trying to figure out a way to get in the middle of Austin's relationship with Audrey. So, just wanted you to know. So, getting in the middle of someone's relationship, totally cool. Getting in the middle of someone's friendship who you did talk [ __ ] about, bad. Not only that,

1:23:40 because by the way, Craig said all these things. Craig said all these things and he's just mad that he got caught.

1:23:45 And not only that, Sally has something legitimate to say. Like, I just heard you say all this mean stuff about me. And Craig's response is to make it that Sally is in the wrong because Sally let Austin say all these things that Craig

1:24:00 believed him. Now he's going to be mad at Sally. You believed a guy whose main goal in life is to tear me down. And Greg's like, "See how awful it is being friends with Austin?" He runs to Sally and tells her something that he knew would hurt her feelings just to get between us. I'm like, as if you have not been a little ner so many times on this show as well. I mean, cuz that's what you guys do. You guys just hat on each other. But also, you chose not to go to the slumber party. Okay. Like you had like he had some sort of meltdown because Austin defended Sally. And then Austin comes, they're like, "Where's Craig?" He's like, "Oh, well, Craig was talking [ __ ] about you, you know."

1:24:39 Yeah, I think he's right that that Austin is an [ __ ] for doing that cuz it was only going to hurt Sally. But Craig, you did that on you said all that stuff on camera to the whole group of guys. So like you were publicly dissing this chick and then what? Just hoping that she would never see it. I mean, come on.

1:24:55 Yeah, exactly. And then because what happens is Well, what what would happen is that Austin doesn't say anything and then Sally gets mad at Austin. I just wish that in that moment you would have told me cuz I thought we were better friends than that.

1:25:07 So he's just like whatever. [ __ ] it. Like Craig will have no loyalty to me. I know he's going to talk [ __ ] about me. So, but I actually have a good friendship with Sally. So, I'm going to let her know.

1:25:16 Oh my god. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here defending Austin. It's so ridiculous that we can still get so worked up over this stupid show. They do the same thing all the time to each other and every time it's like it's brand new. Like, I cannot believe he is turning it on a woman now. Like, of course he is. So he's like, "Well, what I'm upset with you is that you trusted him more than me cuz I didn't go around to your enemies and say a bunch of [ __ ] about you." And she's like, "Um, well, no, you went around her friends and said a bunch of [ __ ] about her." Which is even worse.

1:25:43 And he's she's like, "Well, I didn't know Austin was your enemy in this moment." He goes, "Yes, you do. You know how he treats me, and I thought we were really close friends, and I really enjoyed our friendship." Like, well, I agree. And that's why I was hurt from what people were telling me. I also honestly I think it's kind of shitty that Craig is going around like this guy that he's ostensibly like they're still like brothers or whatever and they did just make up and even though there's like some pettiness going on that now Craig is going around saying that Austin is his enemy. I think that's actually a pretty harsh thing to say about someone. So then

1:26:17 also I'm confused about the timeline of things because they went to that restaurant by the way which we know is their restaurant. It's Austin and Craig's restaurant. So, why are they in a restaurant partnership together that they're not talking about? And I don't know. I don't understand the whole thing. Like, why haven't they brought that out on the show and they're acting like they're enemies, but they're really opening this restaurant together, and that's the real plot. I'm confused.

1:26:40 Yeah. So, the gays cut their cake, do the thing where they like wipe frosting on each other's nose as if that's like new and novel and clever, and then shop's like, "Guys, I got a party bus for us so we can leave this shitty party and go to Islander 71." Come on, if you're interested, let's go. So, everyone's like, "Bye bye." Everyone just like leaves the party like, "Oh my god, thank god we could end that stupid stuffy ass party." So, they all get on the bus and uh and then Shep is like, "Gosh, I can't believe Whitney's here.

1:27:11 It's like Bigfoot coming out. Wow. No, Vomos. I just got back from Cuba, so I know Spanish now." Um, so they get to a place called Islander 71 and Venita falls right out of the bus, which yep, as it happens. They go in and uh, poor Venita. So they go in and uh, Craig's um, like, "Hey, Sally, I'm going to say hi to Charlie, but are we good?" And she's like, "Yeah, we're good." I accept his apology cuz I like being on good terms with fathers of my chicken children. And, you know, it's important. We've still got to talk about custody arrangements and when's he gonna come see me and do I still get a Mother's Day gift.

1:27:55 But you know what? I just I'm gonna be on good terms with him, but it's going to be hard cuz I I do believe Austin 100 times percent more than Craig, you know. So then uh Sally like Sally's walking through. They're all like this. They're all bunch of them are sitting at a table and Sally goes and says hi to like every like Audrey goes hi and then Sally says hi to like Leva and like other people but she like totally ignores Audrey and it's like not the first time. And so Audrey is like what the [ __ ] right? Like she walked past me three times and I was like, "Hey." And I was the only one that she didn't say hi to and I was like, "Who's Sally?" Yeah, Sally. Sally?

1:28:32 That girl? Yeah. Who else do I have to be talking about? What are we talking about again?

1:28:39 So Craig goes to Charlie and he's like, "Hey, Charlie." She's like, "Oh my god, you recognize me? Oh, I was trying to wear a disguise. I just don't want anyone to see me here. I just feel like such a terrible person. You're not wearing a disguise." Oh, you're right. Well, damn it. I should have. I feel terrible. Sally's over there. Did you talk to Sally? How did it go? What What happened with Sally? He's like, "Well, um, we talked. So, what are your questions?" And she's like, "Well, I don't want her to be mad at me for encouraging you to go talk to her. Did you tell her I encouraged you to go talk to her or did you just talk to her on your own? I mean, I'm I'm a I could look like a total creep here.

1:29:12 So, Charlie was like, I don't want her to be mad at me for going on a date with you. And now then it went to I don't want her to be mad at me for talking to you. And now I don't want her to be mad at me for telling you to go talk to her to stop being mad at me.

1:29:25 Girl, you're lean in. Just lean in. It's okay. Yeah. If you're going to do it, just do it. You know, just say, "I have the right to date him, too, and I'm going to date him. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." We can talk about it all you want to, but like stop crying in a corner. It's so weird.

1:29:39 So, but of course Craig loves it because, you know, it's like girls fighting over him. So, he loves it.

1:29:45 And so, on the heels of Audrey being like, "That girl Sally is ignoring me. She's being kind of like a [ __ ] to me." O's like, "Got it." So, he goes up to the bar where Sally is. He goes, "Hey, Sally, sell seashells DOWN BY THE SEASHORE. How are you? That's insane right now. How many seashells did you sell today?" Puts his arm around her. No. Like, hey, did you see Audrey over there? said, "You didn't say hi." Nothing. He's just like, "Hey, sexy. What's up?" And Audrey is watching this, you know. And so then we go back to Charlie and Craig and she's like, "Oh my god, do you did you have a good conversation with her? Was it a conversation? Did you bring up the chickens? I hope you asked how they were. She's going to be mad at me if you didn't bring up the chickens.

1:30:23 She really cares about those chickens." And then Sally is telling Austin, um, Craig told me he did not write my friendship off. He said that to you? Yeah. Wait, who said that to you? Craig. Why can't you guys keep up with the simple information?

1:30:37 Well, I don't think I did say that he wrote their friendship off cuz Craig doesn't write. We all know that.

1:30:41 Well, damn. But that's what he said, too. [gasps and laughter] It's comical. This is comical.

1:30:47 Comical, man. This is so comical. Comical. Is it like 1986 and Billy Crystal and Whoopy Goldberg and Robin Williams are on my screen? Cuz it is comic relief happening right now. Seriously. Did a bunch of char star starving children just get fed? It is comical. This is comical.

1:31:08 Comic. Is Paula Palace on here? Because this is a night of comedy. So, back to Craig and Charlie. He's like, "But I want to be okay to hang out." And she made it sound like it wasn't. She goes, "No, no, it is. It is okay. It is okay. I'm just I want to continue to hang out with you, too, one-on-one. Oh my god. Are we married? Should I call my sister? She's really looking forward to this. Then Sally is like, "I'm telling you, okay, Craig is not your friend, Austin. He called you his enemy." What? He said that to you? Okay, well, I believe it.

1:31:42 It doesn't bother me. Whatever. I'm totally chill. Okay, cuz you know what? We don't have a podcast anymore. I don't give a [ __ ] what he thinks about me. I literally don't even And your girlfriend hates me. No, that's not true. That's not true. I'm drunk. I'm going to stop talking. I'm not I'm I'm just going to stop talking. I'm gonna I'm gonna not I'm gonna stop talking right at the part where I could have made things okay with you and my girlfriend. So then Craig and Charlie are watching Audrey and Craig is like, "What do you think Audrey thinks right now that Sally and Austin are bellyto belly at the bar?

1:32:10 Should we get in the middle of their relationship? Cuz I hate when people get in the middle of my relationship, but I'll do it to Austin." So it looks like um Audrey's going over there, but she doesn't. She goes and sits at a table way far away from everybody, but right in Austin's line of sight, so he knows she's pissed. So um

1:32:27 she walks by to be like, "Hey, I'm walking by, but I'm not saying hello, but you should see me right now, and this is this is an indication that you need to pay attention to me." And I'm going to go sit far away. So, you see, I'm alone right now, metaphorically and physically. Yeah. So, he's like, "Whoa, did I lose Audrey? Where'd she go?" So, Craig has to point out where she went. So, uh, she's sitting alone and she's like, "It's stewing." And so, he's like, "Uh, everything okay?" And she's like, "We need to talk." And then we see them start to like fight. She's like telling him off and everybody at the bar is watching. Oh,

1:32:59 poor Audrey. Happen. Poor Audrey. But um yeah, that was it. Uh exciting times there at Southern Charm. Tomorrow we have a big day. We have Beverly Hills. We have Valley Persian Style. And most importantly, the traders. So, we have a big day of recording tomorrow. Come join us. Come join us also at the Krappies in late February. Links on our website and on our social media. and we will catch you on the next episode of Watch What Happens. Bye everyone.

1:33:27 Bye.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Southern Charm S11E08: When Audrey Met Salley"?

Ben Mandelker (Host), Ronnie Carum (Host), Sally (Guest), Madison (Guest), Austin (Guest).

What is "Southern Charm S11E08: When Audrey Met Salley" about?

The discussion centers on the latest happenings in "Southern Charm," including commentary on gender reveal parties and their cultural implications. The hosts, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Carum, also promote an upcoming event called the Crappies, which will feature various guests and a live streaming option.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

6 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Southern Charm, Ben Mandelker, Ronnie Carum, Islander 71, Zachary's Dairies. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Southern Charm S11E08: When Audrey Met Salley"?

The episode runs 1 h 34 min; the transcript is about 19,509 words in 277 timestamped sections.

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