Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on the latest developments in Vanderpump Rules, including the upcoming Golden Crappies event, voting details, and insights into recent episodes. Additionally, the hosts share a personal anecdote about a memorable encounter with a notable figure, highlighting their ongoing connection to the show's community and events.

Key takeaways

• Reality TV is where fame meets absurdity; one moment you're dining, the next you're a meme.
• With Golden Crappies approaching, voting's a chance for fans to crown their chaos creators.
• Face it: Influencer fame is a fleeting shadow; even the ‘popular’ are still parked in their Toyotas.
• Celebrity sightings at Sir offer hope: even stars sometimes stumble into the spontaneous chaos of life.
• Patreon perks remind us that behind-the-scenes madness is often the best part of fandom.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Ronnie Karam (Host) · 36 min speaking
• Ben Mandelker (Host) · 36 min speaking
• Demi (Guest) · 7 min speaking
• Angelica (Guest) · 7 min speaking
• Marcus (Guest) · 7 min speaking
• Shane (Guest) · 7 min speaking
• Venus (Guest) · 7 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Only Fans, Lisa Vanderpump, Watch What Crappins, Patreon
2. 10:00 – 20:00: Only Fans, Shane Davis
3. 20:00 – 30:00: Women in Wine Conference
4. 30:00 – 40:00: Lisa Vanderpump
5. 40:00 – 50:00: Lisa Vanderpump
6. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Only Fans, Women in Wine Conference
7. 1:10:00 – 1:12:20: Only Fans, Golden Crappies, Lisa Vanderpump, Patreon

Notable quotes from "Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles"

• It is Vanderpump Rules Day. But before we get to that, we have the Golden Crappies coming up on February 27th in the glamorous Hollywood. So, please come. It's going to be so much fun.

  about Golden Crappies · at 0:36

• Because we went out and had drinks with Dame Brian Molen of Vulture, preeminent Bravo recapper of the internets, and we were in WEO. So, we decided, hey, let's let's go over to Sir, see if any of.

  about Brian Molen · at 2:00

• Well, we open up this episode in Pasarob to Woo. We're going to Woo, the women in wine conference, which is by conference, I mean the table of eight ladies frothing over Only Fans men.

  about Women in Wine Conference · at 5:42

• Hole. While meanwhile, Demi and Kim and Angelica are in the bedroom talking about the incestuous Only Fans video that the guys just watched. Yeah.

  about Only Fans · at 7:13

• Fine. I was going to help with the mushrooms, but now I'm not going to anymore. So Shane walks in.

  about Shane Davis · at 14:13

• Hot girl summer. So Venus is Yeah, Lisa wants us on time and not [ __ ] off, so we're gonna bring it for a wheel.

  about Lisa Vanderpump · at 29:26

• Yeah, you're doing it to yourselves by being here. But, fun show. Thanks so much for being here, everybody. Go grab tickets for the Golden Krappies on February 27th over at…

  about Watch What Crappins · at 1:11:37

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Lisa Vanderpump — Person · Referenced celebrity / show figure · 6 mentions · first at 0:36
  Referenced as the boss/figurehead tied to the wine event and the Vanderpump brand; her expectations and presence frame the work segment being recapped.
• Shane Davis — Person · Referenced cast member (recap subject) · 2 mentions · first at 2:24
  Discussed as Angelica’s romantic interest and as a participant in hot tub/pool scenes; also referenced in the hosts’ SUR sighting story.
• Brian Molen — Person · Referenced expert / collaborator (social encounter) · 1 mention · first at 2:00
  Mentioned as a notable Bravo recapper they met for drinks; used to establish credibility and set up the SUR anecdote.

Companies & orgs

• Vulture — Company · Referenced company · 1 mention · first at 2:00
  Mentioned in passing as part of a personal anecdote shared during the podcast.
  Because we went out and had drinks with Dame Brian Molen of Vulture, preeminent Bravo recapper of the internets, and we were in WEO. So, we decided, hey, let's let's go over to Sir, see if any of the any of the Vanderpump rules kids.

Concepts & topics

• Only Fans — Concept · Core topic · 11 mentions · first at 2:21
  Discussed in the context of content creation and personal relationships among the podcast's subjects.

Places & events

• Women in Wine Conference — Event · Event discussed · 3 mentions · first at 5:46
  Mentioned as an event attended by the podcast's subjects, contributing to the episode's narrative.

Media & podcasts

• Watch What Crappins — Media · Hosted podcast · 2 mentions · first at 0:05
  The primary media entity being discussed, hosting the podcast episode.

Sponsors

• Golden Crappies — Event · Promoted event · 2 mentions · first at 0:38
  An event promoted by the podcast hosts, indicating a direct call to action for listeners.
• Patreon — Company · Sponsor · 3 mentions · first at 0:11
  Mentioned as a platform where listeners can access additional content from the podcast hosts.
  The ballots together this weekend. You will see voting next week. Check our socials for that. You can also find it on watchcraftins.com or on Patreon. Of course, we have a new…

Full transcript with timestamps

0:05 Welcome to Watch What Crappins. To get our videos as soon as they're released instead of waiting for a week, head over to our Patreon. That's also where you'll find our bonus episodes and our Discord community. We love you guys. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. I'm Ronnie. That is Benoon over there. Hello, Ben. What you doing?

0:31 Hi. How's it going? What's going on? Good. Nothing. It is Vanderpump Rules Day. But before we get to that, we have the Golden Crappies coming up on February 27th in the glamorous Hollywood. So, please come. It's going to be so much fun. Voting begins next week. We're getting the ballots together this weekend. You will see voting next week. Check our socials for that. You can also find it on watchcraftins.com or on Patreon. Of course, we have a new newsletter on Patreon that goes out every week. It's basically a blog of what happened during the week. So, that's fun. Go check that out. That's also where you find adree listening bonus episodes on traders and all our crapens on demand videos, which we're recording right now. Everybody, we also are going to have live streaming tickets for the crappies. Those will be announced. I mean, they're being announced now, but the ticket links will be available when the voting starts. Mon

1:26 next week. Is it Monday? It's not Monday. Monday, actually. Fourth. It's the fourth Monday.

1:31 So, next week. Just check next week. Yeah, I think it's the fourth. So, thanks everybody for all the support with that. We are having so much fun. We're selling that theater. So, get your tickets if you're going to come because it's going to be sold out. And um today we are talking Vanderpump Rules season something, episode something. I don't even have my notes open. That's where I'm at today. Like what?

1:53 Well, while you get your notes ready, I can say that Ronnie and I had a brush with greatness last night. Because we went out and had drinks with Dame Brian Molen of Vulture, preeminent Bravo recapper of the internets, and we were in WEO. So, we decided, hey, let's uh let's go over to Sir, see if any of the uh any of the Vanderpump rules kids were there. And lo and behold, everyone was there. We walk right in and who's standing right there? Chris and Jason, the adorable only fans eyebrow twins. And uh we we saw Marcus. We saw Shane Davis.

2:32 Shane Davis. Everybody. Yeah. Oh, you guys are so funny. Oh my god. What handsome guys? [clears throat] Oh my god. I mean, we see on the show that they're cute, but jeez, in real life, I was like, sm photo and I don't know. Like, for some reason, Ronnie, like you just

2:55 for some reason, you wait for me to walk away and then you take a picture. That's what happens every time. There's so many pictures of just you people without me there.

3:03 It's not our fault. You have some weird thing, some weird radar where I literally said, "Guys, let's take a group photo." and we all start to get in a row and then all of a sudden you just bolted across the restaurant open.

3:15 No, that's not what happened. We were we were like, "Let's go. Are you guys ready?" Cuz we did not go on purpose to go there. I was parked in front of the restaurant. So, we were like, "Oh, let's just stop in there and see what's going on before I get in my car." So, we walked in and it was a viewing party. I guess they have viewing parties at the restaurant. We didn't know. And so, there were all these people. So, we knew people there, you know, because there's like, you know, Bravo commentators. And I saw Kate from Richio's Recaps who's so cute and I like her stuff and I of course know who she is. So I wanted and we had talked a bit so I want we were leaving so I was like I'm not going to leave without saying bye to that girl. I was like so I'm going to go say bye to Richio recaps and you guys were like okay. And then we go outside and you guys oh we took a picture and you weren't there. Oh well

3:58 I'm sorry for having manners and saying goodbye to Sunday. This is this is your this is your interpretation of of how it went. But for those of us who were there taking the picture, we were all starting to get into that row and you ran out

4:12 and we were like, "Where's Ronnie going?" We're like, and we start going, "Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie." And you just were like, "It literally took two seconds anyway." So, if that was the case, you guys should have waited for me. And guess what? I don't even care because I'm not a picture of road. I'm not a row picture kind of taker, okay? I'll get my own pictures.

4:29 I know. I didn't like my angle. I I have I have to like work on my angles again. I've got to like reset. I was trying to do like a thing with my legs, but it just sort of looked strange. But, uh, the most important part is that GMO took the photo for us. So, this was a very special photo because there was a there was a a maestro of sorts behind the camera. Not the maestro, but a maestro of sorts. So, very special moment. But yeah, it was a super fun time and um, everyone was nice and um, yeah, you know, love the show. Angelina wasn't there. I don't think Angelina was there because she was on watch last night.

5:02 Angel Angelica and Angelica was on watch happens live and someone asked a question uh to her and said um uh Audrey says the fame has gone to your head and Angelica goes um hello is fame in the room. None of us are famous. No one here is famous. No, I'm still driving my Toyota. None of us have gained more than 10,000 followers. I was like, well,

5:30 good for her. Good for her. Good for her. That's funny. Um, yeah. So, fun times. Well, we open up this episode in Pasarob to Woo. We're going to Woo, the women in wine conference, which is by conference, I mean the table of eight ladies frothing over Only Fans men.

5:59 Yes. and honoring me as the Wii woman of the year. We Last week I was called Weat woman in wine woman of the year we

6:21 I don't know last week I kept on we kept on calling it we wiwa but that's actually not the acronym at all that women of It was women in wine and then just an A. We added

6:34 I think I have a ghost in my house that keeps knocking my phone off the desk. It's on the desk and then it keeps falling off the desk.

6:40 Putting it on the desk. Do not fall off the desk. I'm watching you. I'm watching you ghost.

6:46 Well, guess what? Next year we'll go up to pass roses to honor ghosts in wine. So,

6:55 it doesn't sell as well because you can't see them trying to get out like you can the women. Why am I stuck in this? They gurgle. Oh, it's adorable. So much gurgling. Um, so the guys are still playing cornhole and saying like, "You got it in the hole. You got in the hole." While meanwhile, Demi and Kim and Angelica are in the bedroom um talking about the uh the incestuous Only Fans video that the guys just watched. Yeah. Yeah,

7:23 Demi. Demi's like, "Oh my god, I need to go to church. I only watch 45 seconds of it." Like, I can't even imagine all 13 minutes of it. I mean, I can imagine it.

7:32 And you know why I have to imagine it? Cuz I don't pay for the Only Fans. Okay, I paid I wanted to see and I I did pay for the first guy, as I told you, Little Eyebrows. And then I went to look at Big Eyebrows and his is free, but they're all just shirtless. And it's like, if you want to see more, you can become a super VIP, whatever. I was like, "Well, I'm not going to be a super VIP." And then I did click on one of the hidden videos and it was longer, but it was like, "This is $57 or something." I was like, "Girl, I'm not giving you $57.

8:02 What are you nuts?" Yeah. Well, they were fresh off of a shoot, pun intended, last night when we saw them. They're like, "Yeah, man. We just did a Only Fans thing and now we're right here."

8:11 I know. And I said, "So, you basically rubbed one out live and then came to work." And he's like,

8:16 he sort of shrugged. I was like, "Yeah, as that wasn't happening anyway. It just it just was on camera."

8:22 Um, so they've watched We did the same thing. You just got paid. Okay, that's right. That's right.

8:30 We didn't I didn't rub one out. Who Who says that? Disgusting. I'm turning into a disgusting person because of this show.

8:36 Disgusting. Oh my god. This is too much. I'm not going to have dinner. I mean, how do I even look at Chris? How do I look at either one of them? Both of them.

8:43 Get it in the hole, bro. Stick it in the hole. Yeah, [ __ ] You got to aim and get your [ __ ] right in the I want your saggy [ __ ] right in the hole, bro.

8:52 Cut back. Every time I look at Chris and Jason, I'm just going to think, ew. Like, they're literally related by blood. I mean, I do that anyway, but now I know that they're also like jerking off together, so it's like double ew. Already at a base level ew, but now I'm not like really ew.

9:08 And Angelica says, "I mean, that's what I do. I just don't look at him." So, um, then we go to the bedroom and Angelica's like, "Yeah, you once you see Oh, yeah, we're still in the bedroom." And Angelica is like, "Yeah, once you see it, you can't unsee it." Why are all these people so worried about Only Fans? I'm surprised to see young people this upset over Only Fans cuz aren't I feel like so many people are on Only Fans now. I'm surprised that they're so puritanical about it. I think it's just the in the cousin of it all. The cousin cousiny like incesty thing, you know. Uh I mean I I knew I'm Lebanese, you know, we have a lot of first cousins married in our in our family tree and that's just the way it is cuz you know I come from a family of immigrants and that's how it happened. They just one of our family reunions the cousins actually made t-shirt t-shirts that said incest fest because there are so many married

10:00 first cousins. though. You know what? If you can marry your first cousin and have children that go on to own real estate companies, then you can certainly make $57 a load on Only Fans with your cousin. Why should it be any different for the straits and the gays?

10:15 That's right. What's good for the the goose is good for the gainer. Okay. You know, and the the incest thing definitely weakens once you get into cousin territory, but it's still a little weird. But actually, a little weird.

10:27 It's weird. It's fairly weird. It's fairly weird. I would say a very fairly weird thing. Maybe we've become like a little immune to it uh having watched so much Game of Thrones and Game of Thrones spin-offs, but um yeah, it's a little uh it's a little strange. So,

10:42 listen, I'm not telling everyone they should go [ __ ] their sister. I think it's different possibly too when you're actually having babies, but if you're just dropping loads into each other for some Only Fans content, come on.

10:52 Yeah. Waste not want. Stop judging. So, now they go in the kitchen to start making dinner. And um Demi is uh she's going to start making some mushrooms, which I really like this moment for her because she really when she's making mushrooms, she does not want to be bothered. And she's very upset when anyone comes by her. So, she's she starts

11:11 Well, mushrooms are mushrooms take forever, which people don't realize. Mushrooms are more annoying to make than people realize. They take more work.

11:20 Well, they also um they have such strange behaviors, right? And Demi even outlines it because she's at one point she's like, "Well, they're going to release they're release liquid and then that's when you season them, but you don't season them before because you don't want to season them early, right? You're supposed to season them after they release their juices, but you know, you never know when they're going to release their juices and then they absorb the oil, but then they release the oil and you're like, can you just make up your mind? I just want to cook you, you know?"

11:42 Yeah, mushrooms are confusing. But this was funny because Chris comes up and he's one of the incest twins. So, she's grossed out right when she sees him because she's just seen him. God knows what he was doing to his cousin in that shower. So he comes in, he's like, "Oh, sh Chef Demiy's in the building." And Angelica's like, "Um, are those mushrooms you brought from home?" They're trying to ignore him, but he won't leave. He's just like staying by her and it's bothering her making the mushrooms. And then Venus comes in in a pink robe with pool floaties uh with an like one's an eggplant floaty or whatever. And he's like, "Um, I bought this for Chris and Jason because they're always talking about their dick."

12:18 Little does he know. Little does he know. And then they take a picture and everything and then Marcus is slurring his way through the kitchen like it's obvious like oh my god. And then Chris is like they're all sort of in the kitchen like doing doing fun things.

12:36 And Jason's trying to be nice to Demi and being like, "Wow, look at you. You're cooking. That's so cool." She's like, "Get away from me. Please just leave me alone." He's like, "But I'm just like, sorry. I'm just trying to support the chef." She's like, "No, get away because like you can't." He goes, "Don't you need oil?" No, because there's like liquid in the mushrooms and then the mushrooms release the liquid and then you season the liquid and then that's how mushroom you just [ __ ] go away. God, sorry. Sorry for trying to support. She's

13:02 like, now I'm mad. Now I'm mad. You're too close to the mushrooms. Okay, I can't go. Just go. I don't want to think about you and oil. Just don't even mention oil. I was like, I mean, maybe should I jerk off in mushrooms? No. I don't want to think about mushroom heads or oil or you get the hell out of here.

13:14 I don't want to think about things releasing liquid while you and your cousin are in the room. Okay. someonewhere.

13:23 He does. He has no idea cuz he just comes around like, "Oh, can I help with the mushrooms?" And she she's like, "Please get as far away from me. I don't want you to get incest on these mushrooms."

13:33 Yeah, exactly. So, um, Marcus is [ __ ] face. He's like, "Hey." They're like, "Oh, damn. He's lit." And he's obvious all of a sudden is it obvious or is it obvious that I've got Ray-B bands? Cuz I've got Ray-B bands, guys. I mean, I'm a DJ now. Ray Man DJs.

13:54 And uh Chris is uh he's like looking at Demiy's face cuz she's scowlling cuz she's now mad about the whole mushroom situation. He's like, "What's up with her face? She's always miserable. If Demiy's here, who's scaring the crows away from our crops?" Jason just goes, "Enjoy your mushrooms."

14:13 Fine. I was going to help with the mushrooms, but now I'm not going to anymore. So Shane walks in. I heard there's some mushrooms in here.

14:27 I'm sorry. I'm lost in the notes. Okay. Enjoy your mushrooms. Okay. Yeah. So, he's like, "Are you feeling okay?" Like, "Yeah, I feel good." Yeah. Well, you're a little more like reserved than usual. So, why are you so reserved? She goes, "Um, I don't know. Like, I'll try and come out of my show once I get out of my back brace."

14:46 I know. What? We still have no answers on that. Okay, we got to hit the hot tub, bro.

14:52 So, they go out to the hot tub together. And meanwhile, Natalie's putting drink ingredients into the blender. And um she's like, "Um, guys, are we ready?" Cuz like, if this is broken, I really can't. Like, I cannot with the broken machine. This better [ __ ] work. I'm [ __ ] It works. It works. It works. Everybody calm down. Calm down, everybody. God,

15:12 they are so chaotic in this kitchen. I mean, this really speaks to the fact that they all just have like buns and burners that they're heating their their macaroni on because they're like, "Oh my god, it's a blender. What do we do? What do we do? Oh my god, you have a pan. You're cooking the mushrooms. Oh my god, everyone relax. Everyone relax."

15:27 They're like not used to a full kitchen. So, outside in the hot tub, Angelica, how are you? Like, I'm good. Just coming out of my, you know, I don't really know. Anyway, um, so I'm in my shell. My social battery is out. Like I just got like pretty grossed out around the cousins and like I haven't exactly warmed up to Audrey completely yet. So it's just like a lot for me right now. But I'm going to try I'm going to try and like warm up to them. I just like can't hide it. Like I'm physically like I'm ill. Like I'm ill around them. And he's like what's making you ill? Like I don't get it. Like what's making you so ill, man? Shot man. Were you shot times man?

16:06 [gasps] It's like, um, I saw some pretty alarming things on the internet, like Jason and Chris naked, oiling each other up, spreading their butts open. Stop. There's no way.

16:19 I'm not joking. He's like, that is not real. Come on. There's no way that that really happened. It's just not real. Go. No, it is real. Just like my back is broken up. It's so real that someone named Israel literally showed it to us. Angelica is making it sound like these two dudes just spitting on each other, like splitting each other open. I just don't believe that, bro. Like, but either way, once I found out how much money these guys were making, I was like, you can do whatever the hell you want in his best, bro. Make

16:55 your money. Yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you a story and it may make you disgusted with me. She's like, "Oh, God. Why are you stressed about it?" Okay. So, when I was in a teen, when I was a teenager, my cousin brought his girlfriend over. Your cousin? Yeah. And he brought his girlfriend into the room to teach me how to make women squeal. Yeah. St. Davis. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. What? Oh my god. Did I really just dodge one incestuous man to lean into the arms of another? I mean, finally I found someone over six feet attractive actual depth to him and then it's going to tell me this.

17:44 Um, remind me about the actual depth part again. Angelica, I can we circle back to that that that the depth part.

17:52 You just stop. I got a washing machine in my I got a washing machine in my house. I love doing laundry. Oh my god. That's like number seven on my priorities. His washing machine is so deep. You could put an entire load in there. Is it front loading? High efficiency, baby. Oh my god. Okay. What I'm saying is this wasn't incest. There was nothing incestuous between me and my cousin. We just did the the Eiffel Tower together. That's it.

18:25 Oh my god. I love that you're international. Like you weren't you weren't lubing him up and spreading his ass. I mean that's like really like [ __ ] up. Come on. There's no way they did that. I gota I I'm going to love my boys no matter what. Like look, they go down on each other. They Houdini, whatever it is. I don't care. Dirty Sanchez. I love my boys. Do what you got to do. Am I right? Just don't tell anybody about this. and she's like, "Um, I'm totally going to I'm Angelica." It's like literally what she does. And he's like, "Yeah, I don't think she understands consequences of spreading rumors." And, you know, it's going to like backfire on there because they're all pretty cool with everybody.

19:07 It's like you're just going to make enemies. You know, like you can't go against people spreading their butt cheeks against each other when everybody loves those butt cheeks. You know what I'm saying?

19:15 It's like what I It's like what one of my mentors once said to me, "Spread butt cheeks, don't spread rumors. Ha. Well, as long as you know why I feel uncomfortable. I mean, we can just move past it. I'm here for you. And if you need anything, I'm right here. Okay. Right here. I I know you're rattled by the incest on only Only Fans, but if there's anything you need, I'm right here for you. I can come for you during this incest. He's what a great guy.

19:46 Thanks. Thanks for hugging me. That incest really scared me. you're going to need therapy. Just getting to know me, baby. And she's like, "But I don't even have a health insurance. Like, this is horrible." How do you still not have health insurance? First of all, it's so expensive not to have it. They charge you so much money. I know it's really expensive, but like, girl, you just broke your back.

20:07 Yeah. The ironyies. Oh, so deep. She's so deep. I love her so much. So then inside Mark is like, "Yes, guys. We love each other, remember?" And Natalie's like, "I love all of you." Like whether you love me back or not, like whatever. I love all of you guys back. I love you guys so much. Yeah, we love you, Natalie. And that's how we do it. So, they're wondering where Shane is, and they're in the hot tub, but Angelica's getting out to go change. So, they're like, "Let's go hang out with him." So, they uh go get in the hot Chris and Jason get in the hot tub with Shane and he's just heard this rumor about them. And Jason's like, "This is simmering my nuts. This hot tub." Well, yeah. I feel the jet right up against my hole. Oh, bro. Get it. Get it. Get it.

20:58 You have your phone. Get it right out. Those cheeks, bro. Spread it. Spread it, bro. Spread it. Jay's like,

21:05 "I'm going to put this so far up my ass, water's going to come out my ears. Get it on tape. Get it on tape."

21:10 Hi, guys. Hi, guys. I'm getting in the hot tub also. It's so hot in here, but it feels really good. Are you guys doing incest? Can I be part of that? This is so fun.

21:19 And Chris is like, "Yeah, the view's amazing, right, guys?" And Jason goes, "Yeah, it looks like Italy." Y

21:30 it's [clears throat] it's Italy. It's basically Italy. So Shane is like, "I'm so glad. I was worried it was going to turn into like [ __ ] World War II in here, bro. We've already had World War II, man. Come on.

21:44 Yeah. Well, I was going to say like Natalie, uh, this is Chris talking. I feel like with you and the whole situation with the girls, I feel like it's not like that hard to smooth it out, right? She goes, "No, but they like don't want to, you guys. They don't even want to smooth it out with me. So, how am I supposed to smooth it out if they don't want to? I I can smooth it all I want to, but if they don't want to, it's going to be wrinkled. It's a wrinkled relationship."

22:03 Yeah, but like you guys are civil though, right? Like it's a civil war, not a world war. So then inside Demi is like um Demi who is fully scowlling and still standing over her mushrooms looks at the rest of the kitchen goes I'm having a really good time. Like I'm having a really good time.

22:20 So in the hot tub Natalie is like yeah I mean they're the ones that said they don't want to move on. So what am I supposed to do? But honestly like can I say something? I got to like I'm just being like empathetic. That's like when you feel something like you feel somebody else's emotions, right? Is that empathetic? Okay. Thanks. Is that like when someone's Is that like when someone's emotions like open up your butt cheeks and do stuff in there? Cuz that's what I'm feeling right now. Like uh I think that's the the jet stream. Oh yeah. Well, from how upset you were now, I feel like you focusing on yourself brought like a better energy to you. It can be the energy. So you're doing good job, Natalie. Then Marcus comes out [ __ ] You [ __ ] got in the goddamn me. Hey you naked shanders.

23:02 These are pink shorts so they look like I'm naked. Do you guys understand? Like I'm putting on a brave face. Like look at my face. It's brave and I really didn't do anything to betray them. Like they both screamed at me, you guys. Like their excuses that I screamed at them. Like what kind of excuse is that? Marcus, not me. I screw you. She like Marcus, we're not even allowed to speak. Like you haven't screamed at me, but like you and I are not allowed to talk. Don't talk to me. I know I have a brave face and it's very brave and you want to talk to someone who's brave and I accept your salute, but don't talk to me.

23:37 They're gonna scream at me, Marcus. I just want to get past this dumb [ __ ] So much [ __ ] about it. And to me, he's like, um, somebody's screaming outside. Guess who else is screaming? These [ __ ] mushrooms. Do you hear it? It's like glorious. It's like they're all dying on the battlefield together. Listen to it.

23:54 We're finally getting a good sizzle, guys. That's another thing with mushrooms. They do kind of scream. You hear them. They're like, she shut up. You're a mushroom. Stop.

24:03 I guess that's why toad sounds like that. [screaming] Um, so Natalie's like, "Guys, why aren't you telling the people that don't want to be friends with me that I'm like I'm of a very brave face. I'm like a I'm like a soldier. Tell people that." Mark's like, "You want me to get my head taken off, girl? I'm not going to have my head taken off. You get your head taken off?" Well, I'm not going to have my head taken off. But like, that's on you, buddy. Like, that's why I don't care anymore. Like I care so little that I came to this hot tub just to tell everyone about how those [ __ ] are to me. And like I don't care.

24:35 Guys, why are we yelling in a hot tub of all places? I mean, you got Jason here with one jet going up his [ __ ] and the other one going down his throat. He's basically being spit roasted. Can we just enjoy the free life, guys? Free [ __ ] Come on, enjoy this. People pay good money for this. [clears throat] Goes, "That's real, bro. I honestly think Natalie so good at actually moving forward. Yeah, you really you're doing great, Natalie. You're brave face. That's a brave face. Yeah. You know, like we can talk about you guys, but why don't we talk about me and Venus though, guys? Cuz like me and Venus could sit here for an hour and blame each other. Like, but that was my best friend. And that's what hurts me.

25:20 Like this [ __ ] I just I just wish Venus were alive to see my remorse. Venus is just like sitting there in the hot tub watching this saying nothing like this guy.

25:32 He's like, I just put my hair up. He's like, I put my hair up and that's my power. So, he knows he's getting me when my power is in a bun. No.

25:42 So, then Jason puts his arm around Marcus. He's like, "Dude, I know he's your boy. Have you thought about spreading his cheeks? It's pretty cool when it happens. [ __ ] up, dude. [ __ ] up, dude. He actually does care about you. Look, he's there in the corner of the hot tub, just looking at you, staring at you, wondering if you'll crimp his hair.

26:01 I love that Venus didn't fall for this and immediately get up and go hug him. And he just watches him with his lips. He's like, "My lips are watching, too."

26:08 And he's like, "When I'm like not on good ter when I'm on when I'm not on good terms with Marcus, it's like it eats him alive." And like I do love this man and like I do care about this man, but I'm playing it safe and I'm observing his actions to rebuild our friendship and if there's any hope for us moving forward, I'm just going to need him to see how he I'm going to have to see how he behaves on this trip and that's it. So then in Natalie's like, "Guys, why are we all upset with each other? Because we're all hurt by each other. So like why can't we just like drop it and start fresh? Like why can't we do that?

26:45 I want to start frozen. Me, too. But they're not. The mushroom [ __ ] inside are not. They're ruining everything.

26:52 It reminds me of that time we went to dinner with Venus and we shared mushrooms that time.

26:59 So, they go inside to have dinner and Demi's like, "Guys, there's garlic bread, I guess. [snorts]

27:06 I'm about to bake ziti." I love that she's still out. She's like, "That's a baked ziti, I guess." And Venus goes, "Okay, I want some." And Jason goes, "Why is it called Big Ziti? Jason, you're you're Italian, Jason. Why do we have to explain these things?" And

27:24 Jason, get out of my dreams and into my car. Okay, I know. Venus goes, "Um, because she baked it and it's a ziti noodle, so it's called baked ziti." Still not sure if I follow.

27:36 It's like what? I just want to thank you for what? What? Ben, he's just getting more philosophical. But what is a ziti? Like, okay, what is ziti anyway? I'm going to [ __ ] this ziti. I'm going to [ __ ] it. Jason, I just want to thank you for standing up for me. And he's like, you're welcome. She goes, "Yeah, cuz it's a big deal for me. I'll never forget that. You guys, he stood up for me. Big Ziti. He stood up for me."

28:00 Guys, I just realized Ziti is just the flesh of the pasta world. Aside from Venus, I'm like everyone's personal punching bag and like that gets really lonely and really depressing. So, thank God for Jason. Like, he finally sees me and he understands me and he validates me. Like, it like it couldn't be better. Oh, love is love is in the air again or at least in the Ziti. By the way, every time I say Ziti, my phone lights up because it thinks that I'm talking to her. When I when I said that Ziti was the flashlight of the pasta world, my phone goes, I didn't get that. I hear you saying you didn't understand the request or you just didn't get my joke.

28:39 Please don't shame my joke. If I you have to explain your joke. It's a bad joke. Thanks for shaming me. Phone.

28:44 Um, so Demi is like, "Uh, you got Marcus, you're not drinking." He's like, "It's 9:30. Why are you guys ready? Why are you cutting me off at 9:30?" She's like, "Okay, can we stop now?" And Kim's like, "Yeah, babe. Save it for mimosas before the event tomorrow. Bad girl Kim is here. Um, we are not drinking before the event tomorrow. It's work. Okay. And Audrey's like, "Yeah, we have the we will conference tomorrow and like a lot of different winery owners are going to be there and they're like all going to have lunch. It's like incred. We cannot be on mimosa.

29:19 Yeah, we're going to pour the wine and we're going to set up the food and guess what? We're going to serve the food." Hot girl summer. So Venus is like, "Yeah, Lisa wants us us on time and not [ __ ] off, so we're gonna bring it for a wheel." So, um, Marcus Marcus is like, "Okay, I was here some impression." Okay. And Jason goes, "Um, Marcus, go." So Marcus is like, "I'm in blink. Your age is 1995." phone. Not the silence. Not the silence. Ha.

30:01 Spin your glass. Spin your glass. And he starts like beating the beating the wine in the glass, you know, really hard. Um,

30:09 small dog. Small. He's in the party dog. Party zone over there. Sorry, I choked on my laugh.

30:19 All right, guys. Let's go skinny dipping. So, it's like a skinny dipping time. And Shane's like, "Guys, you can't even see my wiener. It's not big right now, dog. Like, I got to helicopter this [ __ ] or something. Anybody bring the pump? Where's the pump, dog? I've been shot. I'm My nipples are extremely hard." [snorts] And they do like back flips. They're all jumping in the pool. They're having fun time. It's just great moment. But guess what? It's now time for It's 8:28 in the morning and everyone has to wake up because it's time to serve Lisa Vanderpump. So now they're making some eggs and toast and stuff and breakfast times around. And Jason's like, "Hell yeah, pasta was fire last night." But the only thing is I'm bloated because I didn't realize zitu is actually pasta. Did you know that? So confused by the whole process.

31:13 Yeah, I barely ate the pasta, but I did eat a little salad. Who made the salad? It was [ __ ] sick.

31:18 Now's like, I made the salad. I made it. Oh my god, I did. It was so good. The best thing is lettuce. [ __ ] love lettuce.

31:26 Dude, it feels so good to be appreciated for taking that lettuce out of the bag. Like, finally, someone appreciates me around here.

31:31 By the way, you smell banging. What is that? Thank you. Was that bing? Iceberg lettuce. I rubbed it on my face.

31:37 That perfume. Yeah, it's just iceberg. It's iceberg. Iceberg by Foxy. It's like a great lettuce scent. So good. You know, like like I smell stuff because like I tend to pick up on vibes and you know it's like chemistry because like guys smell stuff and I smelled you. Like when I kiss a girl I know right away if sex is going to be good cuz it's like the [ __ ] smell, bro.

31:59 Wow. Yeah. Well, guess what? Iceberg straight ahead. It's on my neck. Love it. Love that you can pick up on these details. You're so great. So attentive. So, um, Marcus comes in and, um, Shane's like, "Whoa, your hair's looking good, Marcus. You even got a little Superman curl right now, dude. You're not up for that Superman role, are you? Cuz then we're not going to be able to be bros anymore. I'm gonna get it, bro. I'm gonna get that roll, bro." So, outside on some chairs, Angelica and Audrey are talking um having the talk and Angelica's like, "Um, I didn't feel like I get to talk too much yesterday."

32:38 And she's like, "Yeah, because like last time we spoke, I feel like we were like on very separate pages because like you were offensive to me because like I was more upset that you took information and used it cuz I was seeing as like I was saying it to my girl and then like that's why for me it like kind of broke my trust." She's like, "Um, I would never share your secret, but it was like a guy's secret, so it's different."

33:01 Yeah. And like when I do like Jason and Chris under the bus, I didn't realize you were like so attached to it. So if you also received a broken back from the bus, I'm so sorry from one broken back person to another.

33:14 So Angelica's like, "Okay, it's just time to move on." You know, and she's like, you know, when it comes to Chris and Jason, Audrey is like protective about them. So, I feel like now may not be the right time to bring up the whole cousins touching each other situation.

33:29 So, she's gonna hold on to this information, but we need this information out. They're going to tease it. Tease it out. So, I just So, Angelica's like, "Sorry for hurting you." She's like, "I appreciate that." And I think like we are both like a little still confused about the situation even though it's like pretty clear you were a [ __ ] and I wasn't, but that's fine. She's like, "Yeah, I think it's like not worth holding on to, right?" She's like, "Yeah, I know. is like not worth holding on to. Yeah. Right. So inside they're talking about work and Shane doesn't get to go cuz he doesn't work there. So he's like, "Well, I'm going to do my [ __ ] You know, I got to go for a run. I'm going to hit up a 12step meeting. Yeah.

34:04 Can't wait to meet some Pat Rob a [ __ ] baby. And then I'm going to do a little I had a little nightmare last night that I took alcohol from Marcus. I said, "You've had enough." And then I hit the corner and started [ __ ] chugging it. What I'm trying to say is I'm kind of spiraling over here. So then Audrey is like, "By the way, um Oh, sorry. Audrey was like, "Hey, so um how was your date with Shane, Angelica?" "Oh my god, the date was like really nice." He's like so honest. Like he has like a washing machine. Like that's like so raw of him to say that. Like I really feel like we connected.

34:42 Audrey's like, "Yeah, he's really real. Real people have washing machines in their own homes. So in Shane's room, Chris is like, "Hey, so how are you in your little situation? Did she sleep in the bed last night?" Like "No no no no no no no no bro." Like she may like she may let me go that route, but like I kind of feel like she kind of needs a little bit more security. And I just kind of like told her I'm like, "Not really boyfriend material." [groaning] You get it, bro.

35:11 Are you sure about that, bro? He's like, "Oh, yes. straight up about it. But I do want to do that, you know, like finger in the hole, finger. It's like tremendous, bro. But like I badly want to do it. But this is where the ethics become difficult cuz I know she wants somebody to rely on emotionally. And I know that I don't have those tools, but I want to sleep with her still. So it's just like there's two worlds at war. Vaginas, emotions, murder murder. I love how he uses therapy talk to like justify being a [ __ ] boy. Like, yeah, I just, you know, I can't be monogamous with her because I just don't have the tools to do it. So, I'm just going to be upfront with her and just like want to make her feel safe and secure and bang her and move on. You know what I'm saying?

35:59 So, Chris is like, you know, it doesn't even seem like you guys, even in the jacuzzi last night, you guys look like you're having a deep conversation about something. You guys are like really two very deep people. Wow. I'm so impressed. like, "Yeah, but you know, like things are mellow with that. I've noticed her and Audrey are cool. They seem to be getting along, so that's pretty cool, you know." And so we cut to Angelica and she's like, "Yeah." I'm like, "Also, like I felt like in a wing brought us like this all brought us like closer together, right?" And Audrey's like, "Me and you?" She goes, "Yeah."

36:26 Audrey is like, "I like still hate you." Literally drove us apart. She's like, "Listen, I don't trust a girl, but I don't want to be a dick about it anymore. Like white flag. It's almost like it's a truce." She say, "I love you." "Yeah, I love you, too." Celebrate this conversation, [ __ ] And I mean [ __ ] in the worst way. [gasps] Sometimes just better to get your sickness out. You know, nobody wants to be a dick.

36:47 Yeah. So, now everybody is getting ready. And of course, Venus. We get a shot of Venus. He's like, I only use Gucci bronzer.

36:55 We know that's Guchi bronzer, not Gucci bronzer. And yes, it's probably like some chemical they use to set off the fireworks.

37:02 Gucci bronzer. Get out of here. Um, so now Chris gets a phone call and um, Venus is like, "Oh my god, I need another spray tan and I need more Botox." And like I think my mission right now is like finding a man. [gasps]

37:16 Yeah, I'd rather find it here than in garbage options I got in West Hollywood. I don't get hit on by men. In West Hollywood, there's only one standard of gay. It's big and muscular. And if you're not that, then you're just on the low end of the dating pool. And in Texas, everyone's looking for love. In West Hollywood, you greet someone by eating their ass. Sorry. So then um

37:36 can I just say we were in West Hollywood last night and this is not that's not true. I mean I know that that's a stereotype of West Hollywood. We didn't see one of those last night. Maybe you just have to go out on the weekdays cuz I think the week is when the rest of us go out.

37:50 West Hollywood was looking a lot like Lisa described at the beginning of the season with the tumble weeds. Like no one was out there was just like the three of us.

37:56 Yeah. But I mean it was a Tuesday fairly early but still like that's when to go if you want to meet guys that aren't like muscular. There were like normal guys out there, I would say. Like normal gays.

38:05 Yeah. Yeah. There were normal normal sized and shaped gays. There was a lot of poochie bronzer.

38:10 Yeah. Um, so Venus is saying, "Yeah, I've never ran across a man that I felt deserved my time and energy or my body. There are horrors out here in West Hollywood. Whores." So then drama. You mentioned earlier that Chris received a phone call, but little did we realize and and yes, it is true, but little did we realize that that phone call was about to set off a series of unfortunate events for Christopher Lemony Snickett, get to work.

38:38 Nicolain snick. So Chris is telling Marcus, he's like, "Yeah, so Jason's brother calls me and I have him on speaker and we're talking about going to Bali and he's like, "Yeah, bro. We're going to [ __ ] some mad bitches." And then Audrey's like right there. Oh my god. Now she's mad cuz like we're going to [ __ ] mad [ __ ] Like what am I supposed to [ __ ] Happy [ __ ] only. Mark's like a little [ __ ] no. She a little pissed. A little piss. She's like I mean she definitely heard it. So I don't know. I kind of just like laughed it off and I was like [ __ ] She definitely heard that. And Audrey's like it's making me question everything. Like how does he feel about me? Does he think about me romantically? Is he just trying to get in my pants? Maybe Chris just acts the way he like that. He would do that to be in a relationship with you.

39:21 But is he like really a [ __ ] boy? I'm like, well, let's see. He's a muscle clad bartender in West Hollywood. I think all signs point to [ __ ] boy. Yes, [ __ ] boy. That is the correct answer.

39:30 Uh done um reality dating shows before. Has a rubber ass and a dick pump in the shower. And yeah, just joined this show. Just joined the show to be on TV. So

39:43 to network. Yes. I'm gonna say and he's an actor. So, we're gonna say the correct answer is [ __ ] boy. [ __ ] boy.

39:50 The important thing to know is when you meet a [ __ ] boy. Just know they're a [ __ ] boy and [ __ ] them and just, you know, call a day. It's like don't be mad at a Snickers for being a Snickers. Eat the Snickers.

40:02 Snickers satisfies you. What I would do for Snickers right now, I've got to say, I want a Snickers. I also want a Kit Kat because you mentioned Kit Kat a few times during a Salt Lake City recap and don't think it wasn't.

40:11 I'm sorry. Lisa Barlo mentioned Kit Kats, not me. And there were like a million Kit Kat commercials on during um football Sunday. So I'm just Yeah, because I'm a bro guys many times.

40:22 Yeah, Ben watches football, you guys. Another [ __ ] Ben. Football Ben. Yeah. And they had Kit Kat commercials on like every single commercial break. Anyway, they it's time to leave. Time to go to um so they're all getting into different cars

40:38 and uh Jason's driving and they pack up the women and the Mark is like, "All right, guys. Let's go [ __ ] up some women and wines." And Chris is observing the landscape. He's like, "The hills do actually make it look pretty cool out here." So, you heard it here first. The hills and passes A+. [gasps] And Venus goes, "Yeah, the grapes like they're actually going to like taste different up as you go." Like I learned that I learned that all in in my somalier class. Chris goes, "Uh, did you say Somalians?" What' you say? He's like, "Um, I said a somalier." And Audrey's like, "Uh, it's Somalier."

41:23 Somalier class. You never went to Somalia class. They went to Somalier class, but they never said Somalier the whole time.

41:31 Did you go to a small class? A class that was smaller than other ones? A smaller class? Yeah. No, no, Somalier class. Smallier. So, now they got to work. And we meet Lauren, founder of Rava Wines. She's like, "We're serving all roses, roses." So, we'll have the Vanderbomb wines and our wines. And first, we have to pull out some linens. And we need to go get the winnings chilled out with the nice bucket. Also, we need someone to um to tell Pandora it's okay to come out from from the house. She's she's inside cowering in her peshmina. Someone can someone bring her out?

42:03 And Venus goes, "Whoa, this is some fancy [ __ ] I've never experienced before." So he's like, "Yeah, obviously I love working for Lisa Vanderpal because she's like the queen, the icon, absolute national icon of the United States of America, and I want to prove to her that I can move up it, sir. And I'm that bitch." But like at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the crimp of the crimp. And if somebody who owns this estate wants to come swoop me off my feet and make me never have to work another day in my life, then I would be totally fine with that. You want to meet me, eat my ass. That's what we say in West Hollywood.

42:38 Hi. Um, sorry to interrupt your inter internal monologue. This is Lauren, founder of Rafa Wineskin. We really do need you to move that ice chest. So, could you

42:46 shut up, [ __ ] I'm doing a monologue. Do your own [ __ ] ice chest. Well, I'm sorry that my husband is a muscle cloud, perhaps gay guy, but whatever. He's still sleeping with me. Get to it, [ __ ] [clears throat]

42:57 How's everything going, Lauren? She's like, everything's going great. The staff has been hard at work. One of them's over there picking mud off the bottom of his shoes and the other one is crimping his hair with drinking little stir straws talking about eating ass and um possibly getting a job from someone here.

43:19 I think he just tried to text my husband. Um I did it to myself though. I did it to myself.

43:25 I volunteered to be a beard. I thought it'd be fun. It's a very lonely position to be in these Oh, stop talking to me, non-famous person. Now, let's get [clears throat] to work. So, now they're all setting things up. And Marcus is saying like, "I have a hangover today." And the last thing I want to do right now is serve all these these housewives rosé. I mean, I'd much rather be drinking the rosé by myself. Okay. I want to watch Mory. Oh, wow. That showed my age a little bit. Also showed that you don't seem to realize there was so much more to watch in the afternoons.

44:00 Yeah. Really? I love that you're I love that you're leading yourself into something you're like that's what you chose.

44:07 Yeah. There's there's so much there's so much. So Lisa's like, "Well, when we say everybody's tasting the wine, that is everybody but you staff. Wacky children."

44:22 But you, Lauren, don't try to hop onto my joke. You're just a player. This is called women in wine, not Lauren in wine.

44:34 Now, the women in wine event. Oh, go ahead, darling. Please. No, I was just going to say Lauren may be a beer. Doesn't mean you have to actually have a beer. Lauren, get her a razor. Someone. [gasps]

44:48 Please, someone grab Santa Claus and tell her it's not her season. Hey, now the women in wine woo event is an honor to be a part of. It's great for business as anyone who's have been to sir in the past year would know really working. Now these women are here today are the cre that's French of the wine world and to be successful in business can be challenging especially a maledominated business like wine. Are they serving creamy wine? No creme de creme of a wine is no just get back to work you sweet handsome little eyebrow. Okay, let's get this we going.

45:30 So, uh a vase falls off the bar and breaks and I was like I didn't do that. Like why is everyone yelling at me? Like everyone's literally yelling at me. Like Lauren's yelling at me like shut up whisker face. I don't need it. Um, so Lisa's like, "Now listen, I know how hard this business is, ladies. And let's raise our glasses to see successful female entrepreneurs, even the bearded lady over there, is something after my own heart. So I'd like to thank you for all coming to the wheel." Chris is like, "Hello, ladies."

46:05 So we're going to start off with our Vanderpump Brute Rosé. It's a Chris, I'm in the middle of a speech to the wheel, right? coming.

46:14 Well, you all look wonderful, by the way. Enjoy. Enjoy, ladies. And don't forget to look around and enjoy those hills. Real real A+ hills around here. I'm trying to make a speech. But now at this point, the lady's like, "Oh, hi Chris. Oh my god, are you guys even 21? Oh my god, women and wine. We want to be women and Chris, right?

46:33 Oh my god, your name is Jason. They're twins. Look at these two. Aren't you too cute? Lady, would you like me to open this bottle of wine or my zipper? Oh my god, they are so ridiculous. So, so over here, you guys look like the Franco brothers. This is verging on the edge of inappropriateness. But then again, we are naughty, sexy, young, young brand. And I got my very handsome group of men. Ooh, it's also nice for the ladies. I mean, to a certain extent, isn't it? Unfortunately for them, those men are about to disappear. Smoke bomb. They're gone and turned into doves.

47:17 Are they serving themselves up all the wine? So Natalie is like, "Audrey, is something wrong? Why are you yelling at me?" She'll tell you later. Is it between our van or is it the other van? It's Chris. Oh my gosh. I'm shook. I'm like literally shook. I can't believe that there'd be an issue with Chris. Like, what? This is crazy. Stop yelling at me. Everyone's yelling at me.

47:42 Yeah, it's dead with Chris. Like, I was trying not to bring it up before work cuz like I didn't want to make it weird at the wheel, but you know, it's really hard to keep it in. She's like, "Oh my god, do you need to like sleep in my bed tonight cuz we can go to bunk beds? Like, there's one more bunk bed. You'll be my friend, right?" And Jason overhears this. He's like, "Wow, this is a lot to take in on the heels of learning about Big Z." So Natalie's like, "I'm surprised that Chris and Audrey are having issues right now at all." I mean, cuz they've actually seemed like so adorable this whole trip.

48:09 They're cuddling in the car. They're showing the primary. I can't believe that their 5-day old relationship is already showing Crocs. That's

48:17 So now, um, the food is being served and, uh, the guys are talking and Jason's like, "Hey bro, is your like girl mad at you or something?" He's like, "I don't know." Yeah, cuz she said she might sleep in the bunk beds. I heard it. I heard it. Yeah, cuz I was like maybe she didn't want to sleep next to you. And um like I swear, dude, I heard like I was like Chris is on the [ __ ] list. It's like I feel like there's like a pun here to be made. Like I heard it through the the something through the something but the wood post. I heard it through the wood post. I heard it through the wood post.

48:52 Um so Jason's like, "I swear Chris is on a [ __ ] list." Like, "Yeah, it's cuz your co your [ __ ] brother just called and said some crazy [ __ ] I had him on speaker talking about our trip to Bali and he just like out of nowhere, dude, yeah, we'll probably [ __ ] some mad [ __ ] It's like, yeah, of course we will, but you don't have to say that out loud. Like, what's wrong with that? And

49:09 we supposed to only [ __ ] like happy [ __ ] That's what I said. [ __ ] be here and things. Okay, Marcus is drunk again. Okay. I mean, he's single. He's a horny guy right now. That's just my brother. He's allowed to be. Yeah, I know. But that's what I'm saying. But like, she doesn't know that. like she doesn't know. Makes me look bad bro.

49:31 Yeah. And Jason's like, "Well, what' you say to that? Was your what was your response? Did you say [ __ ] yeah or something?" He's like, "No, I said shut the [ __ ] up." Yeah. Like Audrey's being cold with me. Like, you know, puts in perspective like how much I do care about this woman. Like, I really really care.

49:49 Yeah, man. Woman needs your penis pump. Hard to ever go back. So, he's like, "Yeah, she's definitely upset." So Demiy's like, "Um, can we finish clearing that table and then there's nothing else to do?" Okay, so just like finish up, you guys. Like seriously, we're done here. I'm not even serving mushrooms at this stupid event. Like, why are we even here? So Chris is like, um, uh, Chris is still worrying about all this stuff and he's like, you know, we're going to have hiccups, but like why is she not talking to me about this? What's wrong? So this is becoming a big crisis for their relationship.

50:25 Venus says Shane's probably like bored out of his [ __ ] mind. And so we cut to Shane and Shane's like, "Oh yeah, I needed a moment myself. I'm so grateful. I got so some time to kick it solo doo love. Yeah, I get some sunlight. I got to do my breath work. Yeah, I got to do some Wimhome. Yeah. Um, you know, I have to protect my peace, especially with this kind of drama that's going on in Miami. I mean, then I realized

50:51 we see him taking out trash just looking around. He's like, "Yeah, I was I got kind of bored. I got bored. I missed my fringe." So, Venus is um he's like, "I'm just going to watch Lisa." Like, look, she's so [ __ ] iconic over there. Queen Will Queen. Who? Stop that. Oh, goodness. That my young saucy brand of waiters, they sometimes act up. I You must forgive them, fellow we. All right. Now, listen. I'm leaving for Woo. That's Women and Dogs in wine conference. We figured out a way to trap tiny dogs in wine bottles. It's going to be a huge event. Only female dogs, which is why it's women dogs in wine. Anyway, got to go. Unfortunately, unfortunately, I now must attend my next charity function, which is we we of course stands for women in not near poor women. So, I will be going back down to Beverly Hills. And enjoy yourself. Um, I'm sorry. I've got to go to my my next event, uh, Woo Woo Woo,

52:08 which is the Why Were Women in Wine Conference, where we gather around as wine makers and try to save the women who were trapped in wine bottles.

52:18 I'm going to speak and testify against China for putting women in wine bottles. It has to stop.

52:24 So, she leaves to go to Women are making sandwiches out of China. Someone needs to do something. I'll be back. So, she leaves for world dog day.

52:37 And uh it's also the sound that my car makes when I leave. Turn on that car. Pandy Pandy. Yes.

52:48 So, um now we go back to the ranch and everybody's making burgers and um Natalie wants hot sausage. So, Venus goes to the pool. I don't know. They're just all relaxing.

53:00 Yeah, they're hanging around. Yeah, they're having good times. And uh Chris sees Audrey and he's like, "So uh how you doing?" She's like, "Uh, okay." He's like, "Uh, good. You were a little shy today. What happened?" She's like, "Uh, yeah, I was off." He goes, "Were you upset that you heard my cousin say we were going to [ __ ] mad [ __ ] in Bali? You can go ahead and talk to me, baby. Talk to me."

53:20 Yeah. I just kind of like threw me off a little bit. Like I just like because I just told you my biggest fear in this world is that someone I would fall for would then go to Bali and encounter some women who were like really upset and then have sex with them. Like my literally my biggest and most specific fear in the world. And it just like sort of came true in that moment. It's like right right. And like in that moment my brain was like okay well I know what I'm feeling is real and I'm letting my walls down and like trying. And it just definitely made me like take a little step back and kind of like evaluate if you were like in the same headsp space.

53:48 And now I think like my question is like how do you feel towards me? Like I already introduced you to Mary Faith on our horse. Like that's a big deal and I'm just going to like throw it out the window.

53:57 Obviously I [ __ ] like you. I mean I don't just break anybody's bed for free. So like other than that like has there ever been a moment where you thought like I wasn't into you? Like other than that she's like no no I mean I don't have Only Fans. So like I was just confused cuz like that was the first thing where I was like wait this is going to is this going to be great? Like oh my god what's happening? So, she tells us that she self-sabotages, but you know, that's it's also kind of paying attention to what's going on around you. It's not really self-sabotage. Those are warning bells. I think self-sabotage is when you ignore the warning bells. That's how people, you know,

54:33 that's that's when their houses burn down. They don't hear the beeps. That's right. Well, it also cracks me up like, "Hey, other than you hearing my cousin um confirming our previous plan to go to Bali and [ __ ] [ __ ] have I given you any indication that I'm not into you?" Like, just take that out of the equation. I think everything sounds great, right? It's like, uh, I like when people do that. Like, aside from this like thing, this giant red flag that you just saw, everything else is fine, right?

55:03 Yeah. And so Chris says to us, he's like, "Justin was saying on the phone that like when we go to ballet, we're going to be [ __ ] mad [ __ ] Like I will not be doing that. I mean, I'm going to be talking to [ __ ] but like I'm not going to be [ __ ] them on all of them." I mean, come on. That's not the point of the trip.

55:21 The point of the trip is to have stimulating conversation with mad [ __ ] That's it. Like that's why you go to Bali is just to have very good conversation [clears throat] with Australian [ __ ]

55:29 But just that he worded it like I will not be [ __ ] all of them. Okay. Well, that's that's a promise. That's that sounds like a promise. So, we go back to the pool and Venus wants to play a game. Housewives fan

55:43 alert. But this one is called squirt. And you get a squirt gun and he asks a question. And if you pull the card, whoever answers the who whoever the answer is, we all have to squirt them. Haha. Funny story. My cousin brought over a girl when I was 17 to teach me how to play this game. Squirt.

56:01 Stop it. Oh my god. So um Jason's like, "I won." Marcus is like, "Why'd you just squirt on my face, bro? The game hasn't even started." Like, did you get it? Did Did anybody record that?

56:16 Okay, everyone. First question. Okay, the first one says, "Okay, squirt the [ __ ] who can't handle their alcohol." So, then they all Kim Kim squirts Marcus and he's like, "Kimberly, it's not your choice. It's the person who's reading the card." But then they all shoot him because he's drunk and has been drunk this entire time. Okay, Squirt, who you think has the most secrets? And uh who gets it? Marcus shoots Demi. And I want to know her secrets. What are they?

56:44 Where are Demi secrets? I want to know. I hate mushrooms. There, I said it. And then

56:49 that's why I cook them. I like to hear them screaming. I'm the only one that has She's like, I'm the one that has the most secrets. Chris and Jason are sitting on the mother of all secrets. The cousin of all secrets. Oh my god. Squirt who you think is the funniest and the hottest in the group. Guys, don't squirt me. It's too soon. No.

57:10 So, um, she shoots Shane and so Angelica's like, "Yeah, I feel like Shane and I are actually growing something like more than just fertation. Like, I feel it in my ovaries." Beep beep. They're like monogamy kids. Yay. Oh my god. Is no one paying attention to these men? He literally spelled it out for you. He literally said, "I don't do monogamy." He He's an actor, actor, model in Hollywood. Nothing about those words ever equates to monogamy and kids.

57:45 Yeah. Kids that are get taken care of. I was going to say kids. Sure. Child support. Okay. Yeah. Um, so everyone goes inside to get ready for the night and uh they're going to all live relive their glory college their college glory days. So they want to go out and get shitfaced shitfaced. What's wrong with me? They're they're going into hop in San Louis Abyspo downtown. Yeah. This farmers market and Marcus explains his emotional journey with this uh plan. And he's like, "I mean, Thursday night they've got a farmers market." And when all the girls were like getting super excited to go, I was like, "I don't want to look at fruits and vegetables." I had no idea. It was a street party.

58:28 Oh, great insight into the into what a what a surprise he must have felt when he showed up and it was more than fruits and vegetables. Like, wow, man. This worked out.

58:36 So, we go to the festival and everybody couples off and we find out that um the couple is back together. for Marcus and what's her buns Kim back together and everyone's like shocker. Wow. The world's shortest breakup has come to an end, I guess.

58:52 Yeah. And Shane and Angelica are um they're they're standing in line to get some food and they're flirting and everything and Shane's like, "It feels really good to play house with Angelica. It just feels like I've got a mini girlfriend for for vacation, you And like even though I told her I don't want to do something serious, it's really hard to say say, "Hey, pump the brakes." Cuz we haven't had sex yet. So once we do that, then I can pump the brakes and you're crazy. [clears throat] How' you pump the brakes when the stick isn't even been shifted yet, right?

59:25 [snorts] So now, um, he's wanting some pulled pork and, um, that's exciting. So then um he's offering some to Angelica and she doesn't want any but she goes over to Demi and she's like um I'm trying to get close to Shane but he's like sh he's sharing a sandwich with Natalie and I'm like like why is he sharing a sandwich with Natalie?

59:47 Why are people watching this show? This is this so stupid. It's like literally so stupid. We are dumber for having watched his show but god damn it I love every episode of it.

59:59 I know. I mean, it's just so refreshing when you come off of like Salt Lake City and it's like our marriage is falling apart and we're fighting for it. I don't know if I can last. We're feeling all these things and it's like he literally offered his pulled pork sandwich to Natalie and like not to me. I'm just like like where do I stand with him? I mean, Shane can share his pulled pork sandwich with whoever he wants to, but like why does it have to be the one girl that like he took on a date?

1:00:25 Demiy's like so he offered his sandwich to everybody. She's like, "I don't offer my sandwich everybody. If I buy a pulled pork sandwich, I only share with a person that I love who I'm going to have children with." Okay. But he's offering it to everyone. So like, don't don't It's like don't worry about it.

1:00:41 I think, but it is also a good metaphor because he is going to share his sandwich with everybody forever. That's until he turns like ugly and or older. He's just going to be sharing that sandwich. Listen, the man has pulled pork. He's going to be spreading it around. Let's be honest, the sandwich has probably already been shared by everyone.

1:01:01 Yes. God, I want a sandwich. So, um, we flash back to yesterday and, um, we see Jason saying like, "So, how was it?" We see when she got jealous basically that he did a video shoot and kissed Audrey in the video shoot. And now she's getting jealous again. And Jimmy's like, "Yeah, I think she's a little obsessive there."

1:01:20 Jason may have been on to something. Um, so Audrey is licking Chris's ear and he's like, "You can't do that, babe. What if the mad [ __ ] find out?" And then, um, Shane and Angelica are holding hands, playing house, and Venus's like, "Um, I didn't realize I was being invited to a couple's retreat. I guess the only person I have left is Demi." Demiy's like, "You could be a couple. Sorry, HR." She's like, "Yeah, at least Demi has a fat ass. She's sort of iconic for the gays, you know." Um, so basically Demi and and Venus are stuck amongst all these couples who are being super super annoying. And then Demiy's like, "Um, are you and Jason like a thing, Natalie?" And she's like, "No, like what?" Like we're not a couple, but if we were, we'd be so cute. Like so, but it's like so friends, right, Jason?

1:02:07 Like so such friends. And Timmy is like, "I do not want to be around for that." Like, "Give me a warning cuz like I cannot take it." And Jason's like, "Yeah, Natalie's a [ __ ] badass. Like she wears a leather jacket and she has like cool long ass hair." So like she just throws it back. Like she doesn't even do her hair sometimes. Like the girl doesn't give a [ __ ]

1:02:29 Marry her. And Natalie, you're like so cool. Like you have like dark energy, but you're also like very And I'm definitely like bonding with you. Like you're cool as [ __ ] And I'm thinking, damn, that was real [ __ ] that you said like that when you said that. Like that's for real. Like that's for that's like some dark energy fairy [ __ ] Like I love that for us.

1:02:47 You're like a dark [ __ ] energy fairy and you've got a leather jacket. Do you want to get married?

1:02:52 Are you saying fairy or fairy? Cuz I really don't want to be a boat fairy man. Okay, cool.

1:02:58 So yeah, like I feel like like if if we were out and just like somebody was like talking [ __ ] she would just beat him up for me or something. She and I'd be like, "You're cool. That's a badass leather jacket. Leather jacket." He really likes a dominant lady. Remember he was upset that Angelica didn't like fight off another girl for him.

1:03:17 Yeah. He wanted to start a fight in the Barney's bean arrange. He didn't fall for it.

1:03:21 No. No. I know. Okay. So, they arrive at a place called the OB. That's how you know that there will be children on the way because they're going to a place called the OB. And uh they sit down to get drinks and everything. They're going to have some mezzcow drinks and Jason's going to get Natalie like a Mezcow margarita. He's like, "I think you might like it. It's smoky. It's perfect." And this really hot guy who's attracted to the camera, I mean Venus, um comes over and he's like, "So, how are the drinks here?" Wow.

1:03:50 Is that a smoking honey? Oh, god. Yeah. Uh, can I taste yours before I order it? And you, God damn it. Where are you from?

1:03:59 And he feels up his like arm and everything. And it's like, hi, I'm Yeah. I'm like like he's like not talking and the guy's like, "I'm Kevin." And Audrey's like, "Kevin, I'm Audrey. Nice to meet you. This is Venus." Venus. And Venus is like, I um I would say I'm a pillow princess in the flirting game. He's like my type, but like I'm intimidated by men like him. And like what if he isn't gay? I'm like he's

1:04:21 he's grabbing your arm right now and he's flirting with you. So he's either gay or he's gay for TV. And either way, take it. Go for it.

1:04:27 Either way, either way you can [ __ ] him, you know? So Venus is like, um, I have like the worst gay art. Like I didn't even know I was gay until I was in the ninth grade. [gasps] It took me forever to come out of the closet. like ninth grade. Jesus Christ. It's like a lifetime.

1:04:44 When I quit the soccer team cuz they wouldn't allow me to bring my crimper on the bus, I started thinking maybe I'm gay.

1:04:51 Team got so upset because like we couldn't win because the ball was crimped. Like, sorry, that's physics.

1:05:00 I thought looked pretty good. Um, so they're like, "Oh my god, what is wrong with you?" Like, you like him. Go get him. I'm going to go get him for you. I mean, you got to make a move. I mean, come on. It's your time. Audreyy's really talking him up and trying to get him to go bone that guy.

1:05:15 Um, so now all the whole the whole gang is like, "We're going to get him laid." So Marcus goes in and finds him. And he's like, "Yeah, he's with a girl." I was like, "Well, you guys aren't on a date, are you?" And the girl's like, "No." So, got him. Got him for you. Go get him. You know, me and Venus had a falling out mainly because I sent him a really nasty text and he responded and then I aired out all his [ __ ] in front of the restaurant. But at the end of the day, you got nothing for crimping. But he didn't screw me over in a major way.

1:05:42 That's just totally unforgivable. I'm also drunk. And anyway, Venus, he seemed a little nervous. I told him told him to join us. I'm going to join us. We'll see what happens. Yeah. So, um, Audrey slaps Venus and she's like, "Get out of it." He's like, "Slap me hard a bitch." Go, "Yeah, get over it. You go get that guy." So now they go to a different bar and they're sitting out in the back having drinks and stuff and talking about how um he needs to get laid and um Demi is like, "Guys, let's be classy today. We're representing a sexy, unique restaurant, so before we get our drink, let's all breathalize." I was like, "What?" And she pulls out this little keychain breathalyzer.

1:06:24 And they all breathe, they breathe into it, or as I like to say, share all their germs with each other. And yeah,

1:06:32 they Isn't it like the pandemic never happens? Sometimes it's like whenever people come out and like blow candles out on a birthday cake. Like

1:06:41 what what did we just all go through? Like why are we pretending like that never happened,

1:06:46 right? Like it's okay now. Let's just all blow all over each other and suck on each other's breathalyzers and [ __ ] What What are we doing?

1:06:54 Yeah. I mean like I understand if people like share drinks or whatever like taste this, taste this. Oh my god, this tastes so good. But there's some like weird sense that like you're putting your lips on different parts of the cup or like the alcohol is going to kill the germs. But when everyone's just like literally blowing onto the same nozzle, it just feels like here, let me leave this here for you and now you can have it in your mouth.

1:07:15 Yeah. Let me deposit this bacteria on this and now let it hop on board. It's the the bacteria has gotten a transfer from one subway car to another.

1:07:24 Yeah. I guess we're just so resilient. I feel like I'm the only person still traumatized, but whatever. So, everybody goes um they're all taking the breathalyzer and so we see their scores and the winner, the one who's had the most is Demi.

1:07:39 She's almost to the breaking point of the breathalyzer. Um drunk and having fun. And Jason asks Venus, "So, when was the last time you kissed somebody, bro?" He's like, "When I was 20." They're like, "Oh, man." And Chris is like, "Well, Rome wasn't built in seven years. We're gonna get them [ __ ] laid." So now they're all So now they're going to do some roleplay. By the way, I actually thought this was so sweet. I mean, look how far we've come. In many ways, we haven't come far at all. But I think the fact that you have this entire like all these guys who are like, "We're going to get our gay friend laid." I think that's actually like really really lovely. So So Chris is like, "Okay, we're going to role play."

1:08:16 Hey yo, what's going on? Yeah, let's role play. Let's pretend I'm the guy. Okay, you cannot do that to a gay. I'm sorry, but like I'm in love. I was just watching this. I was like, "Okay, I love you. I will marry you."

1:08:34 I know. It really It It is hard for us when straight guys do that kind of thing.

1:08:37 Oh my god. And Chris is like, I mean, he's a good-looking dude. He's like tall. His amazing jawline. I mean, that [ __ ] mane. I mean, it looks like [ __ ] Spirit the Horse. Yeah, he's hot. So, uh, Chris, he's he puts a cherry in his mouth. Jason goes, "I'm hard. Let's get out of here and shoot some content." So, they're all laughing and Angelica's like, "Oh my god, he's eating the cherry." And Chris asks if he's a top or a bottom and Venus is like, "Well, lately I've been more into thinking about being [ __ ] than actually doing the [ __ ] like, oh yes, Venus." Yeah.

1:09:17 I just feel so sexy deprived that I could rip a kitchen counter off the wall. So Jason goes, "Kiss, kiss, kiss." Vina's like, "Oh my god, no. I mean me. Come on, bro. Get over here." Is like I love Venus. I'll give him a hug. And so Mark's like, "I'll kiss him." So he goes over and and kisses Venus. And every like she's like, "Why am I? Why am I right now?"

1:09:41 So then everybody starts making out. Venus kisses Audrey and then Venus kisses Natalie and um Shane's like, "Oh my god, like he's made out with more people in the last five minutes than I have in like a week." Yeah, bro. So then uh Chris is like, "Oh, if if this was on was was all some Only Fans comment, we'd be [ __ ] rich right now, man. Oh my god, what if like you what if you throw dummy down and kiss her? Jason, kiss dummy right now." He's like, "I want to kiss you." I know. Uh,

1:10:14 and um yeah, and Natalie's like, "Oh my god, I wish Lisa was here to see us all actually getting along." Like maybe not not the making up part, but like still. And to me, it's like, "Yeah, I want more nights like this cuz we've like had a great night." Like, I'm so happy. Look at me, guys. I'm actually having an incredible time. Just look look at see the way that my my my lips almost touch my lower jaw from that's how I smile. I'm having the best time. So now they go dancing and they're getting all sexy with each other. And of course the boys are like giving lap the only fans boys are like shirtless and lap dancing people and stuff and Chris and Audrey are making out and Venus is like oh my god there's going to be like an orgy like everybody's like so [ __ ] horny and um yeah that's it pretty much right. Oh. Oh no. So then we see 17 hours later and Audrey's going, "What the [ __ ] was in the video? What was it? I saw ass. I

1:11:13 saw dicks. It was incestuous." That comment is like character assassinating. To be continued. So now the big fight happens next episode. So

1:11:24 I love it. That That's character assassinating. I mean, they're [ __ ] That's what it's called. Well, we need a new word for it. You're on Vanderpump Rules. Just being on this show is character assassinating.

1:11:37 Yeah, you're doing it to yourselves by being here. But, uh, fun show. Thanks so much for being here, everybody. Go grab tickets for the Golden Krappies on February 27th over at watchcraftins.com and join us next week for voting beginning February 4th. That's also when you will grab your tickets for live streaming. Uh, go grab tater ters. Oh god, I wish we were recapping ters. That would be fun.

1:12:03 This potato I ate today, man. What a [ __ ] Um, traders recaps, ad free listening videos, all that stuff over at Patreon. And thanks so much for being here. We'll talk to you guys next time.

1:12:16 Bye.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles"?

Ronnie Karam (Host), Ben Mandelker (Host), Demi (Guest), Angelica (Guest), Marcus (Guest), Shane (Guest), Venus (Guest).

What is "Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles" about?

The discussion centers on the latest developments in Vanderpump Rules, including the upcoming Golden Crappies event, voting details, and insights into recent episodes. Additionally, the hosts share a personal anecdote about a memorable encounter with a notable figure, highlighting their ongoing connection to the show's community and events.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

9 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Watch What Crappins, Only Fans, Lisa Vanderpump, Shane Davis, Women in Wine Conference, Brian Molen. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Vanderpump Rules S12E08: This Too Shall Paso Robles"?

The episode runs 1 h 12 min; the transcript is about 14,443 words in 218 timestamped sections.

More from Watch What Crappens

• All analyzed episodes
• Books mentioned on Watch What Crappens
• People mentioned on Watch What Crappens
• Sponsors mentioned on Watch What Crappens
• Topics mentioned on Watch What Crappens