How to Break Free from the Voice That Holds You Back | Jamie Kern Lima

What this episode is about

The main topic centers on overcoming self-doubt and rejection by reshaping the internal dialogue we maintain with ourselves. Jamie Kern Lima emphasizes that cultivating resilience and fulfillment is a lifelong journey, where learning to manage negative self-talk is essential for success in both personal and professional spheres.

Key takeaways

• Self-talk shapes reality; mastering it unlocks both personal fulfillment and professional success.
• Embrace rejection as a teacher; it’s the loudest lesson in the quiet art of resilience.
• The journey to self-belief is lifelong; even with Oprah’s number, doubt still tags along.
• Success isn't solely about achievement; it’s about shared humanity and nurturing inner strength.
• Trusting yourself means knowing when not to; wisdom often lies in the lessons we’ve learned the hard way.

Who speaks in this episode?

• Jamie Kern Lima (Guest) · 1 h 22 min speaking
• Chase (Host) · 9 min speaking

What is discussed, and when

1. 0:00 – 10:00: Worthy
2. 10:00 – 20:00: IT Cosmetics
3. 20:00 – 30:00: Worthy
4. 30:00 – 40:00: Worthy
5. 40:00 – 50:00: Worthy
6. 50:00 – 1:00:00: Worthy
7. 1:00:00 – 1:10:00: Worthy, IT Cosmetics
8. 1:10:00 – 1:20:00: IT Cosmetics, Worthy
9. 1:30:00 – 1:31:33: Jamie Kle

Notable quotes from "How to Break Free from the Voice That Holds You Back | Jamie Kern Lima"

• Because I know that's a lie. I know every one of us, every human being is worthy of calling each other up. You know what I mean? like we're all the same. We're all connected.…

  about Worthy · at 5:08

• All these things, but it's a no. We're going to pass on investing in It Cosmetics. And by this point, I'm so used to hearing no, right? And I'm Okay, okay. Can you tell me why?

  about IT Cosmetics · at 19:20

• Ladies and gentlemen, rock this house and welcome TO THE STAGE, JAMIE KLE.

  about Jamie Kle · at 1:31:12

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

• Jamie Kle — Person · 1 mention · first at 1:31:13

Books & papers

• Worthy — Book · 35 mentions · first at 5:13

Companies & orgs

• IT Cosmetics — Company · 4 mentions · first at 19:22
• QVC — Company · 2 mentions

Full transcript with timestamps

0:00 I truly believe that the most important words in the world are the ones that we say to ourselves. And this, you know, your ability to navigate rejection, your ability to um, as you say, get quiet and still seems to be, you know, both here in the show and and in the book, like absolutely foundational. Give us a little bit of like how long did you work out that muscle? Was it three years? Was it a lifetime? Was it just in a professional capacity or do you make use of this in in your personal life? Because as you said, not only is this story bigger than you, but it's bigger than business, it's about humanity. And you know, whether you're successful in business or you feel fulfilled in life, there's not that much gap between those, you know, those those two things. You can if you have this skill set I believe you can you can create or cultivate fulfillment in all these areas of your life. So was it professional personal

1:02 and how long did you feel like it took before you had the resilience or did it just happen at the right time and you just continue to hone the muscle? Give me a little bit more color there.

1:14 Yeah, I feel like it is a work in progress still. I feel like it's a lifelong journey. Um, you know, there are so many areas in my life where I went from just completely being overrun by self-doubt and learning how to um turn down the volume on my own self-doubt and and and I literally Chase would imagine, you know, I talk about in the book a lot um this idea of like this imaginary microphone or this imaginary volume dial, right? And you know there were times where you know I had I got a strong rejection that hurt so bad from someone and it's hard when somebody rejects us or says something about us or we keep telling ourselves um you know things that are maybe reflections of past mistakes or past miscalculations and we start to label oursel as things um and repeat them over and over and you know I'm I'm still a work in progress at this but but I think you know one of The tools I talk about in this book is how

2:18 do you learn to really just turn down the volume on those things and and interrupt them when when you start to tell yourself those things, right? Or repeat words that someone else said to you or a label someone else put on you or a past mistake you've made. It's like, how do you turn down the volume on those things and turn up the volume on things that serve you and that remind you of um of who you are and your strengths and your capabilities and your um you know, all those things. It's a work in progress for me. So, I still deal with it every single day. And you know, there's a lot of areas professionally and personally that I've you know, learned to believe in myself and trust myself and and know I'm enough in. And then there's other things um related to body image that are still challenges for me to this day um you know as I've been so blessed to meet amazing people like you um like Oprah

3:16 Winfrey like there's so many people right and I I I share this you know Oprah read the book cover to cover and she was the first person that read my manuscript and because I wanted her blessing to share a few things in the book not about oh how cool is it that I you So Oprah's my mentor, but oh, I'm still scared to call her. I share some real stuff in this book about some real work I'm still doing in real time because I think that we're all works in progress on this lifelong journey. And, you know, I won't go into like all all of the stuff, but there, you know, I share in the book for the first time ever about how how I knew my whole life I I just had a feeling I was going to meet Oprah. And when I finally did, and she invited me to her house for lunch, and we had this three-hour lunch, just the two of us. And when when I left the lunch that day, and this was three years ago, she says, she gave me her cell

4:06 phone number. And she said, "You can call me anytime." Like, "Call me anytime." And I uh freaked out internally and I was like, "Absolutely. Thank you so much. Here's my cell phone number." And uh and uh to this day, Chase, when I have something I want to share with her, I want to, you know, say a prayer for her, I want to inspire her or I want to ask her advice on something or whatever it is, I will text her or email. Uh and by the way, when she writes back over text and I see the three dots, like I still freak out. I screenshot it sometimes. Um I will I will text her and I will I will will email. I have not called her. I've not called her. And I had this big realization um fairly recently and I wasn't proud of it. And I realized, oh wow, I still don't believe deep down inside that I'm at the same like vibration level as Oprah to just call her up. And that's something I'm working on real time

5:08 because I know that's a lie. I know every one of us, every human being is worthy of calling each other up. You know what I mean? like we're all the same. We're all connected. We're all in this life together. Like we all have the same hopes and doubts and fears and and so, you know, for me, it's really it's really a work in progress. There's a lot of areas in my life I've figured it out and and so I'm now working on applying some of those same um those same principles and lessons to to different areas of my life and and to making better decisions. And and I think too, you know, the better we get at it, we also learn to to trust ourselves, when not to trust ourselves, right, for, you know, starting a company with my my partner. Um, and then we both ended up working 100hour weeks for 10 years. And it was I share all about that too because a lot of people either are or are thinking about starting a dream with

6:07 a friend or a family member or or a partner. And you know that comes with so much, right? And and to this day part of why I decided to sell the company was because I learned to trust myself to not trust myself. that if I stayed running it and owning it all, I would still probably be addicted to work and still probably be working 100 hour weeks and still probably um not have uh uh had a baby, all the things. Um because we tried for 10 years while working 100 hour weeks to to to have a baby and it was just a crazy journey. And so anyways, um you know, I made the decision in big part to sell the company because I didn't trust myself. I trusted myself enough to not trust myself that I wouldn't miss out on life. And so it's all a big journey and that it's all a work in progress and and and to this day I think and I think it will be the rest of our lives for all of us. You know, that's that's one of the things, too, is

7:07 like I feel so grateful to be able to share all of the things I learned, all the lessons I've learned so far, um, in life and in business. Um, that I hope and prayer of service to other people and save them, you know, nights crying themselves asleep and self-doubt and hopefully time and money and all those things. But I think that for the rest of my life, I'll be a a work in progress, too. still really trying to figure it figure it all out as I go and overcome all that not enoughness that all of us have at deep levels.

7:39 It's so true that this story is is so much bigger than a billion-dollar brand or, you know, overcoming obstacles. As you say, we're all in this together. But there is this it's hard to overstate the feeling that I have about the that this is, you know, in the particular I think it's James Joyce in the particular lies the universal and your story is the story of so many of us. Um I sort of one last line of questioning and it's it's how what I have experienced in my own life and having so many amazing folks on the show. Yourself, Bnee Brown, Arlland Hamilton, Richard Branson, so many folks who have created the success. It seems like there's a a bunch of common threads, but one that I want to pull in right now and get your take is you scratched your own itch, right? that this this solution to the problems that you are having with makeup as a as an onair anchor is it could be seen that that is obtuse and

8:51 out there and how many people have this problem of being on camera and mic and makeup cracking and and yet you know here you are on the other side of you know creating as you mentioned the largest, you know, beauty brand that's going right now. You you solved your own problem. How important was that? Did it, you know, and what are the, you know, give me like a little 360 on that? What what were your think your thoughts at the time and your thoughts now if you were going to give advice to someone? Because there are so many people that not only do they they just have an instinct of maybe a direction to walk, but they don't know what to do and they're looking to solve other people's problems. And I I I have a fear that if you try and solve other people's problems when the going gets tough, you don't have the conviction.

9:41 But these are my words and I want to hear yours. Yeah. I think that um you know I think you we always hear the classic entrepreneurial story right of like oh I have a problem and nothing out there solves it and I created something that did and now it's a big success. So there's so many examples of that out there. Um, but I also think that that makes so many people put so much pressure on themselves that they think that they need to have something so uh uh, you know, specific or personal to them for it to work. Um, or they need to be solving their own problem for it to work. I think that meaning for their dream to to become successful or to catch on or to you know um I think that every single person uh if if they really follow like their own um how do I say this? It's almost like a gravitational force that you feel right.

10:47 You're knowing that knowing inside of what brings you joy? What what do you have that that just feels right and you feel in flow in your doing and you feel called to do? I feel like that's the magic. Not do I have a specific problem um uh for me that I need to solve. I think that while that can be your gravitational pull and that can be a really really strong one because you have a really personal connection to it, I don't think that that has to be there for somebody's dream to be as valid, as successful as everything. I think that it's, you know, I mean, I'm sure there are people that just feel pulled to paint on a canvas and express themselves and and their work serves the world and helps heal humanity through love and inspires other people and helps brighten their day and, you know, helps them understand themselves better. Um, I think that I think that us really learning again going back to knowing um

11:55 what is that thing that brings us joy that makes us feel in alignment with our own, you know, calling. And it's okay if if you don't know that yet, right? It's okay if you haven't really figured that out yet. But I think it's a journey of paying attention to what feels right in your soul when you're doing it and when you're going after it and when you're creating it. Um, and I think that if you don't have a specific problem, right, and to your point, if you're solving other people's problems, is that going to be enough? Um, and and what I would say is that, you know, whether or not it's a specific problem to you. Um, you know, we hear so many thought leaders, um, and and I know you probably had so many of them on your show, um, talking about how do you identify your why and your mission and why you're doing what you're doing. And I think that, you know, uh, the biggest mistake I see people make in going after their dreams

12:53 or why they quit, even though they keep feeling like they're supposed to keep going, but they quit. Um, I think a lot of people identify a why or their mission for why they're doing what they're doing. I think they identify one that sounds really good and it makes a lot of sense and when they share it with other people, they're like, "Oh, that's so good." But at the end of the day, it's not deep enough and it's not meaningful enough to them personally to help to to to keep going when times are tough. And so if your problem you're solving isn't personal to you, I think whatever you're doing can equally work if your why is deep enough and personal enough to you. Um, and an example of this would be uh you talk about solving other people's problems. So, if I had created my makeup company and said, "Oh, I want to solve my own skin problems."

13:43 Uh uh I don't think that alone is is a deep enough why. Honestly, for me, if I if it was, oh, I want to help so many other women, right? This would be an example of one that sounds so good. I want to help millions of other women solve their skin problems, and that was my why. If I shared that with anyone else, they'd be like, "You're amazing. That's so great." But like is that really deep enough to keep me going every time I got knocked down for years and and so you know or I want to make a lot of money or I want to pay for my kids college one day. whatever it is, those things all sound so good. And I what I would love to challenge every everyone in your audience to do because I think you have to attach a why to any goal or any dream, right? A lot of people keep like a goal journal and they write their goals, but they never attach a why to each one and then and then they give up. Um, I would challenge everyone

14:38 for their whether it's their creation or why they're creating or their their passion or their even their hobby or a personal goal or their business goal is to is to really know your why, but then go, wait a minute, can I peel back the layers on this why and go way deeper? And what I mean by that is if if my why would have been let me solve my own problems on my skin. Let me solve all the problems for so many other women and men out there who have given up on makeup. I don't think it would have been enough for me to keep going. But because you know I had this moment, Chase, where I realized, oh my gosh, my whole life all the ads I saw as a little girl showing me what beauty is, like I love them. I aspired to look like those commercials, but they even as a little girl always made me feel like I wasn't enough. And my vision of trying to create a bit a beauty company that that that redefined what beauty looks like uh

15:39 uh for every little girl out there who's about to start doubting herself uh and every grown person who still does. like that why was so painful to me from a whole life of identifying why it mattered to me to do this that that's really one of the biggest things that helped keep me going also during all the times of of you know getting knocked down or or hearing no again or when self-doubt would enter my head again and so I don't think that your company or your business has to be solving your own problem but I do think that it has to be attached to a why that is so deeply personal to you um that it helps sustain you in those times when it feels like you're the only person believing in yourself.

16:29 How did you and Paulo believe it even when you maybe shouldn't have believed it? How did you keep each other positive on this on this journey of rejection and a ton of nos?

16:40 Yeah, it's one of the hardest things to do. And I think that when I look back like there was a lot of mistakes I made a lot of times where I put experts opinion on a pedestal instead of uh my own faith and my own inner knowing, right? Which is so tempting to do. Um and so you know one story I think that really captures uh uh because I think so many of us connect through the power of story, right? and captures like some of the things we we did that helped us believe, helped us stay positive, helped us keep going. Uh, and they came out as some of the toughest moments. So, uh, there's, you know, we were a couple years into the business. It was so hard.

17:20 We were down to under $1,000 and our bank account, which was our not just our company bank account, it was our personal bank account. So, anyone out there, whoever has been in that spot and you like you go to an ATM to get cash and you hit no receipt because you don't want to see it. You know what I'm saying? Like that's what you can't like that's where we were at. And dollar hot dogs from Costco on the the counter outside. Anybody who goes and eats it. The good thing is those taste good. But it was like how do we conserve every penny we have? It was like a season like that. And we finally got a big call from an investor uh at a private equity firm. And John, I was so excited because this particular private equity company, they've uh invested in tons of like consumer product companies like uh products all of us right now buy at the grocery stores. A lot of them they've taken uh this particular PE place has invested in

18:13 some of them pre-revenue, some of them when they're really small and built them to these huge household names. So, I'm sitting there going, "Oh my gosh, they see how our like how good our product is, what we're doing. Like, if they invest in us, like A, maybe we're not going to go bankrupt. B, maybe they'll have leverage and help get us in all these stores that are telling us no and get us on QVC is telling us no." So, I was so excited and we uh started taking meetings and they seemed super interested. We got to the final final final meeting after the diligence phase, which is when you show them your projections and your plans and all that.

18:49 I'll never forget this moment and it was a defining moment that helped me understand how do you stay positive in the face of adversity and opposition and hard times and setbacks. We got to the final meeting, okay? And I was like, it's going to happen. Paulo and I flew in for the meeting and uh they were so kind. Everyone was great. And then the head guy uh and he was standing about 3 feet from me and he says to me, "So, you know, we just want to tell you we appreciate you. We're rooting for you. All these things, but it's a no. We're going to pass on investing in It Cosmetics." And by this point, I'm so used to hearing no, right? And I'm like, "Okay, uh okay. Can you tell me why?

19:32 Like, could you give me any input or feed?" Because usually feedback's a gift, right? And he goes, "Well, you know, do you want me to be honest with you?" like really honest with you. And I'm like, "Yes, please." And he he was literally 3 feet from me. And he says, "I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you, you know, with your body and your weight." And I remember watching, it was almost like I I was watching his mouth move in slow motion. And when these words were coming out, I felt like this uh lifetime of body doub body doubt and um self-doubt like flood my body all at once. And I remember I as I was watching him say these words, I wasn't offended or anything that I mean it wasn't even about him. It was almost like I was staring my own fear straight in the eye.

20:21 And I remember this moment where two things happened. And like I remember feeling like, okay, I need to keep my faith bigger than my fears right now. But I also had this deep feeling as he was talking where I knew I just felt he's wrong. He's wrong. But I also felt like if I was ever going to prove that, it would come down to me truly learning how to believe it for myself. And the other thing that happened, and I truly believe our setbacks, even when they suck, even when they hurt, even when they don't make sense, even when they're unfair, our setbacks are so often our setups, right, for for for fuel of what we're supposed to step into. And when he said those words, you know, I thanked him for his time because what I realized in that moment was like, oh, he has seen the same images he his whole life of what beauty is that I have too, right? He p him passing on investing in us because of my weight.

21:25 That is exactly why I need to create this like build this company, shift culture and beauty because it doesn't just affect women, it affects everybody. and he's a dad to little, right? And it's like it affects everyone and and and I never took his no personally. It fueled me. Um and by the way, just a fun side note is uh eight years later when we sold to to L'Oreal and their largest US acquisition in history, I got an email from him and uh and he said, "Congratulations, I was wrong." And um and I also learned we would have been the biggest uh investment in his comp the the most successful investment in his company's history. Um, and the last thing I'll I'll share is um uh on this is that uh you know when I talk about our setbacks or our setups, had we said had he said yes to to to us at that time, we were so desperate, we were so small, we had what looked like no opportunities around us, we probably

22:26 would have sold like the majority of our business to him for almost no money just to survive. Instead we ended up sh bec you know because everyone rejected us in big part we ended up staying the largest shareholder all the way through the sale and our life is so and what we're able to do and how we're able to serve and give is so fundamentally different because of so many of those nos even though at the time they hurt they're painful and it's like I really think those like so often the most painful times in our life and and the rejections and the nos are often like just like serendipitous grace like wrapped in a package labeled painful, you know, rejection. And so um so you know part of staying positive was really keeping the perspective the whole time of t first of all learning to learning to really tune in and trust our ourselves and our gut because so many people even in your community people I know myself this is

23:29 always a journey and a struggle is to figure out how to trust ourselves right and how to actually because we're surrounded by so much noise right we have all the self-doubt out in our own head. We have other people's opinions all around us everywhere. We hop on social media or the news and everyone's fighting. Like it's like there's so much noise that so many people go through life and never learn how to actually break through and turn turn down the volume on all that stuff. Turn down the volume in our own heads of our own self-doubt and actually get still and listen to what it is our gut is telling us. are knowing our truth, right? And uh for a lot of people, that's how they hear God. For a lot of people, that that's how they they hear uh their faith. And I think that doing that is so important. And in the book, I talk about so many tips and lessons on on how I've done it. But I feel like if people are

24:29 going to do one thing, just really learning to tune in to and listen to their own gut. A lot of people have never done it. A lot of people haven't done it in a long time. A lot of people feel like they don't know how to do it. And part of not knowing how is just because we're not separating that. Oh, wait. Everything I'm hearing isn't me. I'm hearing my own self-doubt. I'm hearing other people's opinions. I'm hearing my friends and family who love me, but they only see me through their own lens of experience and limitations.

25:03 Right? We have to learn to turn down the volume on all that. Get still, listen to our gut, because at the end of the day, it's the single biggest way we're going to step into all of who we are, all of who we're called to be. And I know you have a lot of athletes on and a lot of people and competitions a big and listen, I'm all for like competing, all that stuff like, oh, trust me, like I am I'm driven like it's not an accident we built a billion dollar business. But here's what I know to be true for anybody listening, whether their their their dream is to start painting again or to write a book and just write that first page, whatever it is. And I think this is so important, by the way, because now we're seeing social media everywhere and it's so easy to fall in that comparison trap. when it comes to competition, the the biggest thing that I know is true, and I think when we focus on this, this is another way to

25:56 stay really really positive also, and it's true, is that we're not here to compete with anyone else. Like, we're here to compete with like who God made us born to be. Like, we're here to compete with who we know deep down inside we're capable of becoming. And when people really look at it that way, they're like, "Oh," that's when, you know, oh, I'm I'm not in the right job, or, oh, I need to start taking that dance class, or, oh, I need to, you know, all those things. We know deep down inside if we're on that track of stepping into all all that we are and and all that we're created to be.

26:38 That's so good, Jamie. I often say that man's rejection is God's protection. So, you're definitely being protected during that time. No doubt.

26:48 I'm going to do a sneak peek read um from a chapter of Worthy. How to believe you are enough and transform your life. Simple steps, lifechanging results. Dedication for the 80% of women who don't believe they're good enough. the 75% of female executives who face imposttor syndrome and the 91% of women who don't love their bodies. This book is for you. The time for change has come. Let's do this together. No girl, no woman, no person left behind. Worthy starts here. You become what you believe you're worthy of. Do you remember the first time perhaps as a little kid sitting in the classroom that you knew the answer but decided not to raise your hand? With a slight pit in your stomach caused by the newly daunting awareness of other people's opinions, you debated raising your hand and going for it until you decided not to. And just like that, in a single moment, you began to live in a way that

28:06 was in congruent with your soul's fullest expression. You doubted. You held back. You hid. You played it safe. You questioned whether you were wrong even though you knew you were right. You questioned if you were smart enough. You questioned if you were enough. And now fast forwarding to today, are you still the person who's not raising your hand when you know the answer? Are you still hiding just in case you're wrong? Just in case you fail or or because you want to stay in your comfort zone of certainty now you're an adult who knows the answer. But inside, are you still that same little kid who doubts it?

28:49 Maybe you're sitting silently in work meetings or in your daydreams knowing you have a wild idea that just might be genius. Or are you languishing in an unhealthy friendship or relationship knowing you're worthy of more but not quite believing it enough to leave? Or you're the boss but you're holding back from taking chances because deep down inside you're afraid you're not strong enough to be a leader. Did you finally get that big break, that big promotion, that big increase, but you feel like an impostor, so you're playing it small? Maybe you really despise that other PTA mom, but you betray yourself and spend your precious free time hanging out with her. Maybe you're hustling and burned out while hiding that what you really need is rest. Maybe you're struggling with a health issue and losing faith in your body, your worth, and your creator.

29:44 Do you feel unseen at your core and tell yourself the lie that life is better that way? Maybe you're working in a business, but you know you're born to run one. Maybe you're in an intimate partnership where your worthiness goes unrecognized, but you're afraid to be alone, so you're dimming your light and hiding from your truth. Maybe you're calling busyiness a badge of honor when you're really using it to numb your feelings. Maybe you've been living by someone else's story of success for you because you're confusing approval with love.

30:20 I've done that most of my life. Maybe you've decided that other people have already done what you can do better than you could do it. So, you've been cancelling yourself out of your own calling. Or maybe you've been showing up as who the world tells you to be, people pleasing, for so long that you don't even remember who you are anymore. Self-doubt, unworthiness, and fear cause us to dim our souls light and start playing it small, holding back, hiding, speaking only part of our truth, living only half of our life, expressing only part of our soul's true essence, craving the perception of belonging over authentic connection, craving validation and significance in a way that's defined externally because we start to believe that these are the only paths to love, to belonging, and to worthiness. If any of these ring true for you, if you know at the deepest part of your being that you're only living as part of who you

31:20 are, but you're holding back and doubting or hiding all of who you are, then you probably feel an inexplicable void in your life, an aching longing for something that's missing, an emptiness creating when others or even yourself don't know and therefore can't embrace the full authentic you a disconnection from joy when no matter what you achieve, it doesn't bring the feeling of fulfillment you hoped it would. An unremitting feeling that you're not quite enough. A lack of feeling truly alive that you can disguise from the world with the ease of a smile. You're living your life hiding in plain sight.

32:06 Okay, so maybe you're thinking like, whoa, we're going deep right off the top of the book. Yep, we're going there because your time is precious. And in this one beautiful life we each have, it's precious. And I'm not showing up to play small, especially because I'm going to ask you to show up fully in the pages to come. I wrote this book with the purest intention to give you everything I've got as an expression of love from my soul to yours. And each of us is on a journey toward believing then truly knowing in every ounce of our being that we are fully worthy. Right? And here's the thing, y'all. Exactly as we are.

32:48 That's the key part. We're fully worthy exactly as we are. This is one of the most critical parts of achieving what Oprah Winfrey powerfully describes as the highest truest expression of ourselves and it's a huge step on the personal evolution of believing than knowing that you exactly as you are are enough, valuable, and fully worthy of love and belonging. And you are. There's nothing that you have done or could ever do that changes that. But let's go there later because chances are if you're anything like I've been most of my entire life, you might not believe me just quite yet.

33:28 Speaking of Oprah, and speaking of hiding in plain sight, I want to share one of the greatest moments of my life. A moment that almost didn't happen and one that came after four years of me hiding because I didn't actually believe I was worthy of it. Oprah was my mentor from afar. one I spent every weekday as a little girl and later as an adult watching on TV. The one I dreamt of meeting my entire life and had this wild knowing deep inside that somehow I actually would quote this is what I know 100% for sure. Oprah said as she held at my first book believe it to the camera. You don't become what you want. You become what you believe.

34:19 Y'all, I did everything in my power to keep my jaw from dropping open. She's holding in my book, to my jaw from dropping open, not to pee my pants, and to believe that this moment was real and was actually happening. You see, it almost didn't happen. In fact, many of the most significant moments in my life almost never happened. Because for years, while my soul dreamed wildly big, bold dreams and imagined moments like this one with Oprah, I never thought they could actually happen because I didn't believe I was worthy of them ever actually happening. In fact, maybe you can relate to this. I have spent most of my life feeling like I wasn't enough and doubting myself out in my own destiny.

35:06 No matter how vividly we visualize our goals and dreams, perhaps in relationships or in our careers or in our health, no matter if we take even take action toward making them happen, if deep down inside we actually don't feel like we're deserving or worthy of those dreams and goals, then we won't achieve them. We'll stay stuck and never go for them. We'll talk ourselves out of them. We'll give up too soon or somehow sabotage them along the way. With some but not strong selfworth, we might actually allow ourselves to feel worthy enough to achieving a big goal and dream. But when we do, we'll arrive shortly after still feeling empty, unfulfilled, and like something is missing. Has this ever happened to you?

35:53 If you've ever experienced a sense of not enoughness, even if you know it's a lie, because it is, and you want to overcome it for good, this book is for you. If you not enoughness, if not enoughness feels like you know your hidden twin, then we might just be long lost triplets. If you struggle with self-doubt and not feeling worthy, even if no one knows it but you, this book is for you. And I believe that one of the bravest and most important journeys that we are all on in this lifetime is learning the truth, which is that we are more than enough and knowing and believing it in in every part of our being. If this resonates with you, I've got your book and I've got your back. See, I believe the moment you learn to trust yourself, the moment you learn to trust yourself and believe that you are worthy is the moment your entire life, the past and future generations of your family and our entire world changes for the better.

36:59 It's only when you believe you are worthy of it, whether it's of having a healthy relationship, of receiving unconditional love, of celebrating your body, of sharing your ideas, of being in the room, of being on the stage, of leading the team, of having soul-f or of living out your biggest hopes and wildest dreams that your greatest life and destiny start to unfold. It is truly only when you learn to believe you are worthy of it. So y'all, here's the thing. As Oprah held up my book, I tried desperately to be present and stay in my body and to focus on the thousands of people watching us live as she and I taught the class together called The Life You Want. Please help me serve at the highest level I can. I prayed over and over because I've learned over the years that having an intention that's bigger than myself is the only way to get out of my own head. Before she even held up my book, I was already

38:01 struggling to believe that I was actually teaching a class with the person I consider my mentor my entire life. It was the first time that she and I had ever done anything professional together. What Oprah and I knew, which the live audience didn't know that day, is that nearly 5 years earlier when I met her in person for the first time and we had lunch together shortly after, she gave me her personal phone number. And you want to know what I did? I didn't call her for almost 4 years. Yep. Oprah, the one person I would have done anything to meet, the person I spent thousands of afternoons as a little girl watching from my living room all alone, the person who inspired much of my career, had given me her direct cell number and I didn't call her for four years. Why? Well, I thought I knew why for a long time. See, as the months then years passed, I told myself stories that made sense. Stories like, "You're

39:05 not ready to call her yet." or everybody probably wants something from her. Play it cool so she knows you don't. Or you don't have the perfect thing to say yet. When you do, you'll know and then it'll be time to call her. Or if she gets to know you, this is a big one that I told myself so many times. If she gets to know you, she'll discover you're not as interesting smart funny successful cool, talented as she might think you are. until one day I realized the real reason I hadn't called Oprah and I wasn't proud of it. I hadn't called her yet because deep down inside I didn't believe I was worthy of it and did not believe I was worthy of being her friend.

39:52 Have you ever had moments like this in your life where you sabotaged an opportunity or didn't go for it at all because you didn't think you had what it takes? Maybe this is a reoccurrent theme for you in your life right now. And if it is, you're far from alone. I believe one of the most prevalent forms of cancel culture is one that no one talks about. It's us cancelling ourselves before we even try. When I realized the real reason I hadn't called Oprah in four years, I felt a knowing. Feeling unworthy was not aligned with who I truly am, with the person I was created to be. See, my soul, all of our souls know. My soul knew I was worthy. But I let my thoughts and my mind's deep belief about my own unworthiness overpower my soul's knowing. Without realizing it, I was letting my feelings of unworthiness sabotage something I had dreamed of my entire life. When I had this realization almost four years after the day I got

40:53 her number, I decided it was time to turn down the volume on my doubting mind and turn up the volume on the power of my soul and my soul's knowing. I decided to trust myself, the part that knows that I am worthy and you are too. and I dialed her number. I'll share more about this call later, but first fast forward to May 2022 when I was teaching the class live alongside Oprah. I had been preparing tirelessly for months for this opportunity. But like all of our biggest moments in life, we've really been preparing our entire lives for them, right? Whether we know it or not.

41:33 Because as Oprah teaches and I fully believe every step, this is important to hear y'all and take this in. Every step, failure victory mishap trauma growth, blessing, lesson, and moment of grace has always been happening for us to prepare us so we can show up in each coming moment exactly as we're destined to. Even our setbacks are almost always set up for the path we're destined to take. As the live class began, I led the Oprah daily audience through live exercises on how to build resilience, embrace rejection, stop hiding, and to learn to confidently step into all of who they are. Oprah and I shared stories and teachings. I was in such a state of flow that it felt like I was moving inside a space that had been divinely orchestrated. Then, as Oprah held at my book again and I tried not to fall out of my chair again, she said something that sent shock waves that felt like truth through my body. Words that I

42:35 believe capture the ultimate path so many of us are on and even if we haven't discovered it yet. Words that capture why I wrote that book and even more powerfully why I wrote this one. words I believe that if we embrace can change the course of our entire lives. She said, "You don't become what you want. You can have the greatest heart desire and work really so hard, so hard, so hard, but if you don't believe you are worthy, it will not come." That is the magic formula. In my life, I have learned to believe I'm worthy in stages, through ups and downs, big moments of knowing, and small steps toward believing. In our human experience, believing our worthiness is often a lifelong pursuit and one of the most important ones we'll ever take.

43:26 See, if I hadn't pursued building my self-worth, many of the moments in my life story so far would have never happened. The stories that the press loves to to share about me usually say something like, "Denny's waitress builds billion dollar business." And while that's true, my real story is a girl who didn't believe in herself and learned how to. A girl who felt unworthy and often still does to this day, but who is hellbent on learning to believe that she is. A girl who was placed into adoption at birth, but decided she was chosen and born not only on purpose, but with purpose. A girl who knows in her soul that at our core, we're all enough and we're all worthy of love. I'm a girl who knows that where we come from does not have to determine where we're going. And that making bad decisions in our past doesn't mean that we're bad. A girl who knows that the labels that others put on us and the ones that we put on ourselves

44:28 are removable, not permanent. A girl who faced thousands of rejections for years when she was building her business, but chose to trust her gut and keep going anyways. A girl who had a knowing she'd one day meet Oprah and then learned that we become what we believe when we finally believe in ourselves. A girl who had learned to learn that she was worthy of being in the room of launching a business, of being called CEO, of learning not to wait on her weight, of learning to love herself and learning to believe she's worthy of love. A girl who knows that we are not our past mistakes. We are our present and future intentions.

45:13 Here's what I know to be true. And this is so important to take this in. If we don't believe we are worthy of starting the business, of being in a loving, committing relationship, of having healthy, empowering friendships, if we don't believe we're worthy of a seat at the table, of writing the book, of running for office, if we don't believe we're worthy of rest, of celebrating your body exactly as it is, of soul care, of doing less and being more. If we don't believe we're worthy of showing up on social media authentically, of leading the team, of breaking the generational cycle, if we don't believe we're worthy because we've made too many mistakes, we've already failed too many times or because someone told us we weren't worthy and we believe them. If we don't believe we're worthy of all the things we want and deserve, we'll never get them.

46:08 In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. You don't rise to what you believe is possible. You fall to what you believe you're worthy of and your goals and career ambitions. You don't achieve everything that you, you know, are qualified for or capable of. You plateau at what you believe you deserve. And whether you know it or not, at the level of success where you've established your own internal identity in your romantic relationships, the level and depth of intimacy, vulnerability, and love can only be as strong as a level and depth of vulnerable intimate love you have for yourself.

46:52 It's the same with your friendships. And in these relationships in life, okay, here's a big one, y'all. This is okay. In your relationships in life, the level of pain you allow another person to cause you, whether it's through hurtful words or actions, often hovers right around the standards you have for the level and frequency of hurtful thoughts, ways, and words you think and say to yourself. And it's the same with your body. Your body can feel like a source of shame or like a miracle in motion. All depending on your relationship with worthiness.

47:36 When you change what you believe you're worthy of, you change your entire life. See, we can have big goals and dreams. We can study, get knowledge, get all the biggest degrees on the wall. We can become activists, use our voices. We can know with passion and clarity that what we believe in and what we believe for. We can make vision boards and we can even distinguish ourselves amongst the rare group of people who actually take action toward getting what we want in life. But if we don't believe deep down inside we're worthy of it, it'll never happen. Or if it does, we won't be able to sustain it. Because in life, we don't get what we want, we get and maintain what we believe we're worthy of. And when deep down inside we don't believe we're worthy of what we want, hope, and dream for, we'll find a way to lose it or for it to not happen at all, we'll sabotage the opportunity. We'll put the

48:25 decent guy in the friend zone. We'll ghost a new friend that has pure intentions. We'll make a million excuses why we're not ready to make a career move, don't have the resources or the time or the talent. We'll focus on our problems instead of our potential because problems can be an easy way to justify playing life small. We might think we have a net worth problem and what we really have is a selfworth problem. And when we deep down inside don't believe we're worthy of abundance. We sabotage ourselves to make sure that we don't get it. We dim our light to make others feel comfortable and fit in.

49:01 We tell ourselves stories like once I get to my goal weight then I'll be enough. Once I get more experience, then I'll apply for the promotion. Once I get the kids through school, then I'll focus on building a healthy relationship. We'll sit in the audience watching, all while knowing we are born to be on the stage. We'll walk into the room and while all while hiding in plain sight. And then we'll start living our lives this way. We'll talk ourselves out of our potential, out of our talent, out of our knowing, out of trusting ourselves, out of our gifts, out of the relationships we deserve, out of getting unstuck, out of making our health a priority, out of asking for the raise, out of launching the idea, out of accepting a mentor's offer, and if we're not careful, out of becoming the person that we're born to be.

49:51 If one of these examples hits home for you or you feel like it's a past or present version of yourself, then this book is for you. If you struggle with not believing you're enough or worthy of walking into the me big meeting of being called good parent of wearing this swimsuit of receiving unconditional love of looking in the mirror and seeing everything beautiful of speaking up of asking for help of resting of setting boundaries of showing up in this world as you authentically are and as awe of who you authentically are. If you struggle with that this book is for you.

50:26 I wrote this book for you if you have some self-doubt to destroy and a and some and a destiny to fulfill. And I'm so honored to invite you into the pages of this journey together. And I'd like to start by imagining together. See, I can't help but imagine what our world would look like if it was filled with women who decided to believe they are worthy. When I imagine a world full of women who feel worthy, I imagine the earth shaking with the jolt of possibility when we wake up in the morning. Imagine with me what would a world full of women who decided to believe they're worthy feel like? The potential that would be unleashed, the power of possibility unfolding. Imagine the generational cycles broken. Imagine the unhealthy relationships that would end.

51:17 Imagine the businesses that would be launched. Imagine the body shapes and sizes that would be celebrated. Imagine the rest that would be taken without guilt. Imagine the cellulite that would be confidently jiggling with joy. Imagine the seats that would be filled up in the boardroom. Imagine what the list of Fortune 500 CEOs would look like. Imagine the mental and physical health that would be prioritized. Imagine how our government would lead. Imagine the injustices that would end. Imagine how children's story books would be written. Imagine who little girls would grow up dreaming of being. Imagine the time and capacity that would be freed up when self-doubt is silenced.

52:03 Can I get a amen up in here? Hey, imagine and imagining this is why I wrote this book with the intention of you not just imagining what your life would be like if you truly felt worthy, but actually learning how to believe you are because you are. And in your soul, you know that you are. Most of us are born into a world or even into loving well-intentioned families that whether knowing knowingly or not teach us to believe that we're not. I believe if we choose to, it's possible to unlearn uh all the lies we've been taught that don't feel right in our soul, take our power back, and decide today is the day to forge a new path ahead. If you feel me, say out loud, wherever you are, I'm ready.

52:53 I'm ready. All right, everyone in the room said it, but don't think I didn't hear you at home not say it. So, here's the deal. Listen, if you're not going to be bold here along with me, if you are going to hold back and not be bold now, how are you going to be bold out there right when things get hard? So, I'm going to say it with you. We're going to say it loud together. Who cares what anyone around you right now thinks? Okay, ready? On the count of three, we're going to say, "I'm ready." loudly and we're going to proclaim it together. 1 2 3. I'm ready.

53:27 You don't become what you want. you become what you believe you're worthy of in life, in friendships, in your career, and in your hopes and dreams. And one of the greatest parts of your journey is learning to believe you're worthy and and stop hiding. Right? That's a big one for so many of us. learning for the first time or the first time in a long time. The courage to start raising your hand or to be the person who leads and encourages others to raise their hand to discover the true essence of your soul, the real you. And to start living as the real you, not as your achievements, but your innateness that is full and whole and enough and blossoming toward a new freedom and fulfillment that springs alive. When we live in alignment with the true nature of the person we're born to be. When we absolutely know in every ounce of our being that the person who we truly are is enough. When you venture

54:27 to stop hiding in your in plain sight, trust your inner knowing, live with congruence with your soul, ignite your purpose, and show up in this world as all of who you are. That's when you truly feel fulfilled and alive. That's when you are living in alignment with your assignment. That is when you become the person you're born to be. That's when you're able to fully live and express the joy and the beauty and the gifts and the ideas and the possibilities of your soul. That's when you can wake up every morning and ask yourself one of life's most powerful questions.

55:02 What will you do with the power that is you? And then with that power fully tapped into and because you're no longer hiding from it, you bravely, boldly live the answer. Throughout the pages of this book, I hope you'll laugh, connect, see, and be exactly you every step of the way. Right? We did not come here to play it small or to look cute. We're going to go deep, as deep as you are ready to go. You might feel like this book is too much at times, or perhaps it's going to feel like you arrived at the end way too quickly. We'll examine our own self-worth and delve into the lies keeping us doubting ourselves, unlearn those lies, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. We'll begin our transformation into living authentically and fulfilling our destinies. There's some chapters packed with tactical tools you can apply to your life right now that have led to breakthroughs for me.

55:59 Like how to redefine rejection, how to rethink the labels you put on yourself and how to take risks when you have a million reasons why you're afraid to. There's some chapters you might find deeply personal and stir up a lot of thought and emotion. And some might evoke the feeling of heavy reflection. Others might spark joyful, wideeyed, soul-filling delight. I know how precious the gift of your time is and I can promise you we're not taking a second of it for granted in this book. I am allin with you right by your side and we are going to go there together. Okay? Soulto soul, light to light, love to love.

56:36 The one thing I'm going to ask of you is this. In every story, every lesson, every silly laugh out loud, embarrassing overshare, there are some of there are a lot of those. uh every vulnerable soul stirring revelation and every deeply challenging question to trust yourself to know if it's right for you. And if it's not right for you or you're not right to consider it, then just skip that part and you're going to know because your soul will know at each turn of the book the parts that are for you at this moment in your journey. You'll know if the timing is, you know, not right to open yourself up in certain ways. It might feel too much. and you're going to know if the timing is just right and the words feel like they were written exactly for you. You may want to have a journal or pen and paper handy while reading. And as we begin this journey together, I just want to ask that you trust yourself fully. Take the

57:28 things that feel right for you and leave the rest perhaps for another day or another person you share your book with. And I sure hope that when you are done with worthy that you share it with another person. Give another person your book. I believe in divine timing and that our steps are divinely ordered in life. And I don't believe it's a coincidence or an accident that you're hearing these words right now. Similarly, in this book, I'm leading you on an intentional journey, one transform transforming step at a time. Each chapter lays a key piece of the foundation that builds on the next. All crafting a deeply personal worthiness journey intended to expand how you uh see and unconditionally love yourself.

58:11 From seeing the importance of and critical difference between self-confidence and self-worth to unlearning those lies that lead to self-doubt and embracing the truths that wake up worthiness to transforming your connection to yourself and multiplying your unconditional self-love to knowing and truly believing in your innate value and worthiness. As we begin this journey, I want to invite you to come with me through the pages and it's who you truly are. Not as the role you play at work, not as who you have to be when you're the leader in the room, not as who other people want you to be.

58:52 Not as the version of you that the world rewards. Not as the socially conditioned belief systems that you've built, but as the person who sheds all of it. All of it. who is willing to show up soul first. Coming soul first right along with me is safe here. Knowing this truth, there is nothing you can do or say that could ever make you unworthy of love. I believe we are all here to love, to receive it, to give it, to live it, to be it. And our greatest journey on this earth is to learn how and to truly believe we're worthy of it. My intention in the pages of this book is that you experience the true feeling of home that fills your soul.

59:44 And there is no greater feeling of home than living in alignment and congruence with your soul, with the true nature of who you are and who you were born to be fully worthy. And yet, when we aren't living in the truest expression of our souls, it can feel like we're a stranger in our own lives, as if we're living our lives away from our real home. Our souls are our true home. And the words in this book are a love poem, from my soul to yours. Let's live in our souls together on this journey. And as we get started, I want you to feel like I'm welcoming you right into my home. When I imagine opening my front door to see you, I will really see you. And you can really see me. And when you walk in, I'm wearing my favorite cozy sweats, no makeup, unwashed hair, and a messy bun. But I did use some dry shampoo because I knew you were coming. And I give you a great big hug while my dogs are jumping on you

1:00:44 and kissing you as if they'd never gone through training school. I have your favorite warm drink in a coffee mug ready to greet you. The mug says worthy on it because you are. After I hand it to you, imagine seeing a sign right in front of you on the wall as you walk in. It's how I want you to feel when you walk into my home or into my hug. The sign says, "Come as you are. Heal where you need. Blossom what you choose. Journey toward your calling. Stay as long as you like. You belong here. You are worthy. You are loved. You are love.

1:01:33 I love you. Jamie, are you ready to get started? Because I am ready if you are. And as you are about to turn the page, I'm imagining reaching my hand right out to yours. Here we go. How do you believe in yourself? Especially in a moment like right now where the future is right in front of you and it is swirling with endings and with beginnings. That's always how I feel in the summer, right? Summer is supposed to be this awesome time where we relax. We dial it down. If you're lucky and you can get to the beach, that's fantastic. Or a pool. But when I'm at the beach, you know what?

1:02:15 I'm thinking about my freaking future and the endings and the beginnings. And today, I want to throw how you believe in yourself in the middle of all these endings and beginnings. And how do you believe in yourself when you haven't even started taking the actions? How do you believe in yourself when you don't know how this thing is going to turn out that you really want to do? Well, my guest today, she's a super close friend of mine, and she is somebody you want to hear from right now. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about none other than Jamie Karn Lima. She's the founder of It Cosmetics, which she started in her living room and she sold it to L'Oreal for a billion dollar.

1:02:55 And here's the thing that I love about Jamie. Jamie is the queen of learning how to believe in yourself. Because when she started It Cosmetics, she was not some influencer with daddy's money. No, no, no, no, no, no. She didn't get a degree and how to start a company. She was a waitress at Denny's with terrible skin rosacea, like the bright pink kind of breakouts all over her cheeks. And it was that rosacea that and that hardworking work ethic from being a Denny's waitress that made her create her own foundation. And that was the beginning of this billion-dollar company that she created in her living room, It Cosmetics. And I know you're going to love hearing from her, which is why I am so excited that you're here to talk to us about your journey. You are one of my favorite human beings of all time. I cannot thank you enough, Jamie, for being here as my friend and for being here as the professor on the topic of

1:03:52 purpose and learning how to believe in yourself. Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big warm Mel Robbins podcast welcome to Jamie Kern Lima.

1:04:04 Mel, thank you. Thank you for having me. This is going to be fun and real and raw and I can't wait and I hope it just adds so much value to everyone listening. So, I'm grateful to be here. Thank you. There's no question because you know how you have those friends in your life that you don't see very often,

1:04:21 but every time you do, it's like no time has disappeared and you just have this like kind of twinkle on your skin because you just love being with this person. I love you so much, Jamie. I'm actually mad at you that you live so far away from me. So, maybe we should just start right there.

1:04:37 I love you. Thank you. I feel the very same way. Okay. And one of the things I want to share, I know we're going to dive in deep on purpose. By the way, I love purpose professor. I'm like, "Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it." Because it's one of our biggest life questions. How do I find my purpose? Um, but I just want to say, Mel, something really important to me that I didn't want to leave here without saying. You can edit this out if you don't like it, but everybody listening needs to know this. You are one of the rare human beings that is the same off air, behind the scenes, in your everyday life as you are in all the public things. You know what I mean? And you and I have both met so many celebrities and so many people with millions and millions of followers and it's very rare they're the same. And I just one of the things I love so much about you is you are even more funny, even more intelligent and brilliant and

1:05:24 kind and raw and real um in real life. So that congruency is like one in a billion. And I love you and I'm just grateful to be here for you.

1:05:35 Wow. Okay. just that I think the episode's over now. No, we got to go back in time because, you know, I think one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on is because the entire mission of this show is to empower and inspire you listening to us right now to create a better life. whatever that means for you, to take the simple steps that sometimes feel impossible to pursue your dreams, to improve your health, to create greater connections, to believe in yourself. And Jamie truly is not only the professor of purpose, but her life story is a demonstration

1:06:17 in cultivating belief. belief in your ideas, belief in your intuition, belief in God, belief that things will turn out. And so I want to go back in time because, you know, I've heard you on the stages that you speak around the world talk about how you started as a waitress in Denny's

1:06:41 and then from waitressing at Denny's pursued a dream that you had of being on television

1:06:49 and as a fellow former waitress. I would love to start there. Yeah. Waitress at Denny's. Um, full uniform name tag to prove it.

1:07:00 Oh, I forgot they had uniforms. Full uniform. Uh, what was your favorite thing on the menu?

1:07:05 Oh gosh, I love the pancakes. You know what? Just like simple. Um, it's so funny how our steps are ordered, I think, in life. And so often I remember being a waitress at Denny's. I remember feeling and and maybe um maybe someone uh listening to us can relate to this right now. You have this feeling inside of you like there's something more I'm supposed to do, but you don't know what it is yet. And you doubt it might be possible. And I remember being waitress at Denny's and just feeling like I have these big dreams, but not quite knowing like how do I believe I'm worthy of them yet. And um it was this big season in my life. Uh at the same time, Mel, the kitchen at the Denny's I worked at was a disaster. Like they would take an hour to get pancakes out. So I learned to talk to people so that they wouldn't leave. they often did leave um or they'd throw like a dime and a penny on the table and leave

1:07:57 as your tip is if it's your fault. Uhhuh. But it's so funny how, you know, years later when I ended up launching my own business, I'm like, "Oh, I've got to get the operations right or nothing else matters." You know, it's just those little things we learn along the way. Um but yeah, after after that, I I um I thought my whole life I would I would have a talk show. I watched Oprah in my living room growing up. So, I thought for sure I would share other people's stories with the world. So, I went into uh you know, did all the jobs, saved up all my money to to pay through uh pay for school and and um push grocery carts in the grocery parking lot, sliced meat in the deli, all those fun jobs, and then found myself in my what I thought was my dream job working in TV news. And I thought, this is it, right? And what I didn't realize was I was about to enter this huge season of setback in my life

1:08:46 um of self-doubt. Uh I have a skin condition called rosacea. And for me it started getting really red, really bumpy. Uh and I would be anchoring the news live thinking like, you know, okay, this is it. This is it. And I started hearing in my earpiece uh from my producer, there's something on your face. There's something on your face. You need to wipe it off. You need to And I was live on television, right? And I would glance down during the commercial break and I saw, oh, the makeup is breaking up on my face and these big red bumps are coming through. And it started this season that felt like setback. Um, but so often in life, the the seasons that feel like setbacks are actually setups for what we're called to do.

1:09:28 Okay, stop right there. Did you hear that? The seasons of your life that are setbacks are often setups for what you're called to do. I want to just make sure everybody heard that. And I want to take a a highlighter and also highlight something that you said about being a waitress at Denny's and it's this. You said our steps are ordered. Mhm.

1:09:59 So, can you explain what that means particularly to somebody who's listening? Yeah.

1:10:03 Who may feel like, I know I'm meant for something greater. Yes. Why the hell am I at this step and this does not feel like it is like on the path of where I'm supposed to go?

1:10:13 So, what do you mean by the fact that our steps are ordered? Yeah. I believe you know everything in life y

1:10:20 is happening for us even when it doesn't make sense. Can we just What do you mean happening for us? So to somebody that's like really in it, Jamie.

1:10:29 Yes. Yes. What does that mean? Let me frame it around our topic of purpose, right? So often people feel empty because they feel like, "Oh, my purpose needs to be some job. It needs to be my job or it needs to be this this grand thing I haven't figured out yet." But for those of us that have accomplished a goal we always dreamed of, we get to it and we're like, "Oh, this isn't it." Right? It's never, in my opinion, purpose is never this this big goal necessarily. Purpose is so often when we're able to serve the person we once were or serve in a way for something we've gone through. And here's what I mean. Uh, I think our purpose can be like, "Oh, wow. I went through a really freaking hard season in my life and I now am actually realizing I'm born to be a generational cycle breaker in my family."

1:11:26 That is an incredible purpose, right? purpose can be like, "Oh, I've been having a hard season for a long time." And when I actually just take a minute and say hi to someone else who's lonely, maybe it's like in the in the coffee line at Starbucks, maybe it's the the the neighbor down the street, whatever it is, you feel in your gut a sense of fulfillment, like a sense of alignment when you're doing something in your purpose.

1:11:53 And I think that the big mistake people make is they think it's this end goal, right? A lot of times when people uh hear my story and they hear that, oh, Denny's waitress builds billion-dollar company, they think my purpose was to be some big entrepreneur.

1:12:08 It wasn't. It wasn't. What was it? In the journey of how I did it. Yeah. I took this massive risk, right? Taking my makeup off on national television when I was told not to. Um, and and being brave enough to be seen and helping other women realize uh that they're worthy and enough. exactly as they are, seeing them as who they are. To me, that is my purpose. And in doing that, um, it just a byproduct of that with it cosmetics is we built a company with millions and millions and millions and millions of customers. Uh, and what's wild is 5% of our customers actually have skin issues like I do. 95% don't. It's just that they felt seen and connected with something that spoke to their soul. Right? for me being willing to say here I am exactly as I am, no makeup and you know all my skin issues.

1:13:03 Um I think people connected with that that feeling of of oh I'm enough exactly as I am. You know what else I think is a really important part of your story. It is waitressing.

1:13:18 Yeah. It's pushing carts in a supermarket. Yeah. It's working in the back house of a restaurant. That's my story, too. Helping my best friend on her paper route. Uh, busing tables. And I think when you work in retail or you work in a service job,

1:13:33 and you feel at times invisible, you start to realize how important it is to treat everybody with respect and kindness.

1:13:42 That there is no work that is beneath you. And when you can bring that level of service to the job that you have right now, even if you hate it, even if treat people treat you like garbage, even if the the the the back of the house is not getting those pancakes out on time and people are angry, if you can bring a sense of grace and service and just humility to those roles,

1:14:08 I think it changes how you show up when things start working out because you don't ever forget what it's like to be treated like

1:14:16 Yes. Because somebody was mad that their pancakes weren't out on time. Yes. Yes. And also, you and I have had this experience where we've truly gotten to see and be almost every type of person in every type of environment. And so now it's like whether it's me building a business or you building one of the top shows in the world, one of the top shows in the world. Um, I feel part of that was like, oh, we understand who who's listening and watching you right now. I understand who real people are who built, you know, who who bought my products and and and so when you mentioned steps are ordered, it's like, you know, no matter where you are in your life right now, what you're going through, I believe every piece of it, whether it's, oh, someone just, you know, cut me off in a parking lot and screamed at me or, oh, whatever it might be you're going through, all of those things are happening for you. I believe

1:15:10 so that you're amassing this toolbox of understanding uh and getting strong enough and equipped enough for the purpose you step into.

1:15:18 Amazing. So, professor of purpose Jamie Kern Lima right there. That's your takeaway number one. The steps are ordered. Believe in that.

1:15:26 And this moment is helping you. It's giving you something. So, that is one major tool that you used along the way. Let's go back to that moment because I think you were 28 years old, right? when you're sitting on television in Seattle.

1:15:39 Yeah. You are a local news anchor. You're living the dream. You're on your way and you are now starting to have this nightmare happen.

1:15:47 Yes. Where your rosacea is breaking through on camera in front of everybody. The makeup that they put on you.

1:15:56 Yes. And you've got people in your ear telling you there's something wrong with your face.

1:16:01 Yes. and you're realizing, "Holy cow, the makeup that they've put on my face cannot cover the rosacea and the skin issues that I have." So, what do you do in that moment?

1:16:14 Well, the first thing I did was start freaking out, right? And I like literally I started entering this season of self-doubt where I would be live on the air uh anchoring the news, thinking thoughts in my head like, "Oh, am I going to get fired? Are viewers changing the channel right now? Like, am I costing the the company ratings?" Right. So, it was this

1:16:32 Could you feel those moments when you could feel like the makeup not kind of like disappearing? Like there were moments when I used to be a commentator for CNN. I was premenopausal where I could feel the hot flash coming.

1:16:45 Yeah. I didn't feel it until they set it in my ear and in my earpiece. And then what would start to happen was I would get so nervous and stressed out because they kept trying to cover it um during commercial breaks. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. So I what I remember is like anchoring the news live and and you're and sometimes you have to be happy tell this happy story or or you're serious telling and I just remember my heart beating in my ears hoping people weren't turning the you know changing the channel and and it started this this thing where I you know would spend what you know it's funny I was I was um anchoring the news and people think when you're doing that you must have all this money but you really don't get paid much at all and I I took my little paycheck that I had and started spending it on um department store makeup professional artistry, makeup, drugstore. I couldn't find

1:17:30 anything that worked. And I had this idea one day like, "Oh, if I can't find anything that works for me, uh there's probably a whole lot of other people out there that feel like makeup doesn't work for them." And it was sort of this idea where I was like, if I could figure out how to make something that worked for me, um it'd help a whole lot of people. And that was my my knowing or this this gut feeling. But then my head, Mel, was like, "Oh, but you got no money. You got no connections. you know, no one in the beauty industry, you're unqualified. So, I sat in this place, right? And I just want to, we're talking about purpose. I had this gut feeling like I was supposed to go for this thing, but then my head was like, "Oh, but here's all the reasons why you're not qualified to do it, plus you're in your dream job, right?" And I sat between those two. And it wasn't until I had this big big aha

1:18:21 moment of why I needed to do it that pushed me over the edge. Okay. So, what is the aha moment?

1:18:27 Yes. So, so, so I realized one day I'm like, "This makes no sense. There are thousands of makeup companies out there. How does nothing work for me?" Right? Then I had this moment where I realized I've never seen a model with bright red, bumpy skin saying, you know, selling makeup and like you always see these photoshopped airbrushed

1:18:46 models. And I realized, Mel, like, wow, my whole life, I've actually loved those beauty commercials, and I love seeing the magazines and and I always aspired to look like them, but but deep down inside, they always made me feel like I wasn't enough.

1:19:00 And I had this moment. I was literally on the news set when this happened where I was like, "Wait a minute, what if it's not just about launching a makeup product?" Like, like, "What if I could actually figure out how to do it?" Which I had no idea how and I had no money, but was like, "What if I could actually launch a product that works for me? And what if I actually put real people as models? Like every age, shape, size, skin tone, skin challenge. What if I use them as models, call them beautiful, and mean it for every little kid out there who's about to start doubting themselves and and every grown woman who still does. And that deep source of pain from from from how I was feeling not enough and what could I do about it? That in my opinion is one of the strongest ways to find your purpose. It's it's what has just destroyed you or hurt you that you've maybe made it through.

1:19:52 Yeah. And how can you now use that making it through to help someone who's going through it?

1:19:59 Okay. That's like a mic drop moment from our professor of purpose Jamie Karn Lima. Again, I like to unpack these things to make sure this is a this is a I always say this is not just a listening podcast. It's a doing podcast.

1:20:15 And I want to make sure nobody's left behind. Yes. And there was billions of dollars worth of wisdom that you just dropped. And so I want to try to unpack it for anybody that is listening to this and you have this sense that you're made for more. Yeah.

1:20:31 So, one of the things that I heard is look in your life and see what problems or frustrations or things that you're struggling with that feel like a setback. And Jamie gave you the example of the rosacea on her skin and her inability to find something that actually could help her solve this issue of being able to cover it up so that she could do her dream job. And that setback is a setup for something new. And then get out of your own sort of selfish or self-loathing or the self- excuses and the self-pity and remind yourself that there are 8 billion people on this planet now. There are other people that are dealing with this.

1:21:14 Yeah. And that if you can figure out how to put your energy into making this better for yourself and you bring other people into the fold with you, you now have something that's worth working on

1:21:28 because it helps you and it's going to help other people. And I also want to point something out that Jamie will not tell you, but I sure as hell will. And that is that this was about 14 or 15 years ago. So we're talking 2007208 correct?

1:21:47 In my opinion, Jamie Kern Lima is the reason why we have this real beauty movement. There always has to be the first person and she was it. So when you look around the the internet and social media and you see people doing naked faces, that was not something people did in 2007. It was all airbrush. It was all perfection. That was the beauty standard. There were no plus-size or curvy models. That was not a thing back then. And so you've got a woman who is sitting in Seattle who has no experience and no money deciding that she is going to not only figure out how to create a makeup line for people who have issues with their skin, but that she's going to do something nobody has ever done, which is put real normal people like you and me into her campaigns when she finally gets this figured out. and she's going to show people what her skin actually looks like in order to sell it. I mean, that

1:22:54 was a revolutionary idea. She was the first. And I'm telling you this because you could be the first. You have something inside of you that is a problem, something that you can solve, and you could be the first to change the way that people think about an issue. And so Jamie, let's pick up the story because how do you go from this aha moment like, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,

1:23:20 to doing something because I think some of us have aha moments, right?" Yep. And then we doubt we don't do anything.

1:23:27 Yes. Cuz we doubt him. We doubt him. We think like, "Oh, someone's already done it." Yes. Or, "Oh, whatever." First of all, if you're out there right now and you think, "Oh, you have an idea or or a way you want to show up in the world or or or someone else you you know you want to help, but you think, oh, someone's already done it." Literally, there's only one of you in the entire universe, which by definition means no one has ever done it the way you're going to do it. So, when I launched this,

1:23:50 say that again, Jamie, for the people that are like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Kids, calm down." Uh, I wait, Jamie just said something. I was doing my dishes. Say that again. Talk about the fact that this matters.

1:24:02 This is huge because I think the biggest reason we talk ourselves out of things is we think, "Oh, someone's already done it. someone's already done it before, you know, who must be smarter than me or more talented or more whatever it is than me. And what I have learned and then proven and I want to tell you too about all I'm going to get so excited, Mel, because no, when you do this thing like don't be shocked then when there's millions and millions of rejections and people don't get it, right? Um uh uh because it's never been done before, right? Oh, yes. Because there's only one of you. There's only one of you doing it the way you're going to do it. But but just to recap that there is literally only one of you in the entire universe, right? And so if you are going to show up to this world authentic, that means whatever you do, if it's authentic to you, it's actually by definition it's never been done before,

1:24:52 right? And so when you show up that way, don't be surprised if not everyone gets it right away. Or, you know, in my case, all the experts I put on pedestals all said no. that this idea of of of how I wanted to um connect with women, they thought it wouldn't work and they thought I wouldn't therefore make them any money. Um

1:25:11 so, but can I ask you a question real quick? How did you go from the aha Yes. to starting? So, what did that look like? Like cuz I think like if you're in this space where

1:25:22 you know, let's just use an example. You've never actually you don't know the f you you you have this thing about catering that you just can't get it out of your head. You want to do these events. You want You've never actually done this cuz you had never

1:25:38 Yes. done anything with makeup. You had no idea what you were doing. Y you have an idea

1:25:44 and you have an aha moment. What was the first thing that you did to start to make this real? So leaning on that why I had to do it of why it felt like it was going to be part of my purpose was a big thing that helped me actually take the risk quit my job.

1:26:01 Wait, you quit your job because you had an aha moment? Yeah, it was deep. I was like if I had

1:26:06 What did it feel like? It felt like um it felt like if I didn't do it, I would wake up the rest of my life with this pain in my gut, this longing knowing I was created for more. Um it felt like if I didn't do it, I would have the pain of regret. And if I did do it, I might have the pain of failure and maybe the pain of embarrassment and then maybe the pain of, "Oh, wow. That wasn't that doesn't feel like it went how I thought it was." You know, I knew it was this big risk. I knew I was leaving what I thought was my dream job.

1:26:41 Why did you have to quit your job? Just curious. It was literally from day one, I was all in. Like it was I dove all in. I knew if I was going to do this, I needed to just go all in on it. Um and you know, I I started I do not recommend this, but I started working like 100 hour weeks from the beginning. I was so freaking passionate about it. Like I couldn't stop thinking about what if I can actually figure this out? What if I can literally because it was it became a big

1:27:10 So did you have any savings? Like do you have a little bit of savings because you didn't pay yourself for the first three years that you did this?

1:27:16 First three years. So basically my husband and I wrote this business plan, right? Um quit our jobs, dove all in in our living room. We poured all of our savings into it. I thought Mel, and this is this is for someone watching us right now. I know this. I thought if I can figure the product out, it's going to be huge,

1:27:35 right? And then I realized like, oh, being an entrepreneur or or or launching a dream is not always that easy. We put every penny we had into it. And I once we actually created a product by and we were scrappy. If you want to

1:27:48 How did you create a product? Like are you in your kitchen buying stuff at the grocery store or how does this even work?

1:27:53 Okay. So, no. So, so first um I love that you know technology is right there, right? So, so researching how are makeup formulations made, who makes them, what are the FDA regulatory compliance, all the unsexy stuff I know nothing about. Just diving into the research phase of how does this happen? And then what I learned is that uh manufacturers are are makeup company's closest held secrets, right? Like closest held secrets, they won't disclose who they work with, but a lot of these big manufacturers work with all the top brands that you see or a handful of them.

1:28:26 Gotcha. So I started. So are you saying that all of the brands and top brands that you see are basically manufactured by a handful of companies?

1:28:35 Yes. Handful of companies and then some do it in-house as well. Um so what I did was scrappy. I walked into a Sephora. I wrote down the name of every single brand in there. Went home, you know, I had no money, right? Cold call every single brand and saying like, "Oh, um I'm looking for a really great manufacturer. Could you let me know who you manu?" And then they hang up on me. You know what I one after another after another after another and I got this really small brand in a totally different kind of positioning where the girl who answered said, "Oh, here's who we use. They're in New York City, blah blah blah." So, that was my first manufacturer. Reached out to them, had a meeting in person, uh had no money, poured this idea out to them. They took a a risk making me samples. Uh and that's how it started was just really being scrappy. Um and and trying to figure it out. All of our money had went

1:29:24 into uh the product development formula and the advisory board of the product and I thought okay now we have a product that works for me right this was after hundreds of formula iterations I thought that was going to be it.

1:29:37 So is this like year one or year two like how long did this take? Yeah it took a good first year to get that product and then what I started doing was sending it to everyone I thought was just going to believe in me instantly. So, I send it to Sephora and and Ulta Beauty and all the department stores and all of the online retailers, QVC, which is, you know, live television shopping channel. And I thought, "Oh my gosh, this is going to be huge." Every single one of them said no after no after no after no. And to your point, it became three years of not being able to pay myself. Three years of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of nos of crying myself to sleep at night.

1:30:15 Were you and your husband like fighting like crazy like, "You should go back to work. You should, but why do we do that? Like, were you like doing that?

1:30:20 You want to know what it was? We still believed in it, but we weren't sure how we were going to make it. It was like friends and family that were like, "Uh, wait, you quit your job? Are you sure you should have quit your job?" Or, "Wait, you still haven't made any money?" Like, it's been three years, right? So, you hear all of this, the voices get so loud. Yeah.

1:30:39 Um, the loudest though were my own self-doubt. You know, sometimes we take a chance and go for something because our gut is telling us to do it. And then all of a sudden, you face all this opposition and you start to question, is my gut wrong? Is my knowing wrong? And there were so many times where I would literally get this another brutal no from, you know, Sephora or QVC or whoever it was. And I would just literally cry myself to sleep. Um, I would pray about it and be like, "God, I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this, but nothing is going right."

1:31:12 Ladies and gentlemen, rock this house and welcome TO THE STAGE, JAMIE KLE. Baby K Lemo.

1:31:23 Every single one of us has had someone tell us we're not enough. Every single one of us has had someone say words to us that

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "How to Break Free from the Voice That Holds You Back | Jamie Kern Lima"?

Jamie Kern Lima (Guest), Chase (Host).

What is "How to Break Free from the Voice That Holds You Back | Jamie Kern Lima" about?

The main topic centers on overcoming self-doubt and rejection by reshaping the internal dialogue we maintain with ourselves. Jamie Kern Lima emphasizes that cultivating resilience and fulfillment is a lifelong journey, where learning to manage negative self-talk is essential for success in both personal and professional spheres.

What is mentioned in this Jamie Kern Lima episode?

4 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Worthy, IT Cosmetics, QVC, Jamie Kle. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "How to Break Free from the Voice That Holds You Back | Jamie Kern Lima"?

The episode runs 1 h 32 min; the transcript is about 16,505 words in 154 timestamped sections.

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