Transcript

What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger

From Tommy Mello · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 35 min · 7,663 words · 78 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger", an episode of Tommy Mello published August 29, 2025 (35 min, about 7,663 words). It mentions 7 people, works and ideas, including The Jordan Harbinger Show, sixminute networking, Extreme Ownership, Atomic Habits, Amazon.

What this episode is about

Jordan Harbinger, a social dynamics expert, emphasizes the importance of building authentic relationships before they are needed, as desperation can hinder genuine connections. Drawing on his extensive experience in networking and negotiation, he highlights the significance of cultivating trust and social intelligence to enhance personal and professional opportunities.

Key takeaways

  • Relationships aren’t built during a crisis; they’re cultivated like fine wine—good things take time.
  • Don't ditch your day job until your side hustle is ready to fly; risk management is key!
  • Sometimes, leaving your comfort zone is the only way to discover your true potential—embrace the leap.
  • Networking isn't about what you can take; it’s about what you can build—invest in authentic connections.
  • Podcasting success can be a stealthy ascent—ride the wave but don’t forget to paddle upstream!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 5:00: The Jordan Harbinger Show
  2. – 10:00: Google Pay, Alex Chris
  3. – 20:00: sixminute networking, Amazon
  4. – 30:00: The Jordan Harbinger Show, Amazon
  5. – 35:00: Extreme Ownership, The Jordan Harbinger Show, Atomic Habits

Notable quotes from "What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger"

  • Something comfortable behind. And that's what entrepreneurship is. That's what starting any career is. He now teaches to millions through the Jordan Harbinger Show. With a…
    about The Jordan Harbinger Show · at
  • Likes. It's about building trust with investors, inspiring employees, and keeping PayPal top of mind against competitors like Apple Pay and Google Pay. PayPal is proving that…
    about Google Pay · at
  • They remember me. They know what I'm interested in, things like that. So, I teach a course. I have a course called sixminute networking. It's free. It's not like an upsell thing. And it's at sixminute networking.com. And people can.
    about sixminute networking · at
  • It's because you worked your ass off at Amazon and kept your head down for 80our weeks for 10 years. And you woke up and you realized you have co-workers that honestly you could take it or leave it.
    about Amazon · at
  • I also liked Joo's original book, Extreme Ownership, because there's like a crisis of personal responsibility or lack thereof, especially among I'm an elder millennial, which sounds gross. U.
    about Extreme Ownership · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Alex Chris — Person · Referenced executive (case study) · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as PayPal’s CEO in a discussion about executive visibility and personal branding as a strategic business function.
    PayPal is hiring a head of CEO content.

Books & papers

  • sixminute networking — Book · Primary recommendation · 1 mention · first at
    A course by Jordan Harbinger on building networks, mentioned as a free resource for listeners.
  • Extreme Ownership — Book · Referenced work · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a book that emphasizes personal responsibility and overcoming challenges.
  • Atomic Habits — Book · Referenced work · 1 mention · first at
    Recommended by Jordan Harbinger for its effectiveness in building good habits.
    I like Atomic Habits by James Clear. He's a been a buddy of mine since forever. It the reason it's the bestselling book of the decade in the non-fiction is because that [ __ ] works.

Companies & orgs

  • Amazon — Company · Referenced company · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned in the context of Jeff Bezos' transformation and the company's growth.
  • Google Pay — Company · Competitor · 1 mention · first at
    Mentioned as a competitor to PayPal in the digital payments space.

Media & podcasts

  • The Jordan Harbinger Show — Media · Main focus · 5 mentions · first at
    Jordan Harbinger's podcast where he explores the minds of elite performers and discusses networking and relationships.

Full transcript with timestamps

You really need to dig the well before you get thirsty when it comes to relationships. Build relationships before you need them because if you're trying to execute on this when you are desperate, you're going to of desperation and people are going to be like, "What do you want?" So, it's a it's a massive it's such a tiny investment and it's such a massive return.

Insightful, resourceful, approachable. Our guest today is the master of conversation, a relentless relationship builder who spent decades decoding human behavior, influence, and connection.

To succeed inside a system, I had to work outside the system. Jordan Harbinger is a top ranked podcast host, former Wall Street attorney, and social dynamics expert who specializes in the science of networking.

Do not quit that part-time job that you have until you're the bottleneck in whatever it is, and you can't outsource anything else. In his last business venture, he built one of the world's most recognized training platforms for developing business relationships, social intelligence, and personal charisma. Risk has to do with leaving something comfortable behind. And that's what entrepreneurship is. That's what starting any career is. He now teaches to millions through the Jordan Harbinger Show. With a background in law and international negotiation, Jordan's career has taken him from highstakes courtrooms to the world's most dangerous places, including North Korea, earning him a reputation as someone who can talk his way in and out of just about anything. He's built a global network through a meticulous system for cultivating authentic, long-term relationships, one conversation at a time.

You don't have opportunity coming from your connections. You will always run into problems. From everyday professionals to elite performers, Jordan's work has helped countless people upgrade their career trajectory. Get ready. This conversation will challenge how you think about trust, persuasion, and the hidden architecture of great relationships. Welcome back to the Mellow Millionaire. Today is an awesome guest. It's uh Jordan Harbinger. And Jordan Harbinger is a former Wall Street lawyer turned master interviewer, social dynamic strategist, and one of the most downloaded podcasters on the planet.

Known by many as the Larry King of podcasting, he has been dominating the top 50 for the last decade. He now hosts the Jordan Harbinger Show, another widely popular podcast that explores the minds of elite performers. Jordan, it's a pleasure to have you on today.

Thanks for having me on, man. I appreciate it. It's going to be great. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your previous life in Wall Street, where you're at today, and where you're headed?

Yeah, so I used to be a a finance attorney, which sounds fancier than it is. I I mean, I didn't My career was like 2 years long because I got immediately into mortgage back securities, which is funny because we kind of all saw the writing on the wall, but it was like, look, there's so many jobs in this niche, they're they're paying like crazy, and who cares if you have to. I didn't really care about being a lawyer at the time and I still don't I guess but like since I'm not practicing for 20 years but it was a good move because I went in I learned a bunch of stuff. I worked on Wall Street for a couple years had no work for like the last nine months of my career but still got paid. And then they they said who wants to take a buyout for the next you know 10 months full salary and benefits and I was like sure. So, I basically got to be a lawyer for a couple years with a really light workload and then get paid for an extra

almost year for doing nothing, which allowed me to launch my business really. Well, I mean, I started the business as like a hobby kind of, but it really once you're getting paid lawyer money for not doing anything, you get a hefty It's like having an investor that doesn't take any equity. It's pretty cool actually. But yeah, our clients were like Bear Sterns and Layman Brothers. And so I I didn't have any contact with them obviously, but they went out of business and that's when the partners at this firm that I was at started really sweating because they were like, uh, those are our two biggest clients. So what are what's going to happen? So it went from this is going to bounce back in May to I don't know what's going to happen.

Maybe another bank will pick up the slack, but it doesn't look good. And then it was just like you don't have to come in anymore if you don't want to. You know, that kind of thing. Uh, and there's, you know, who wants to transfer to the White Rock office from the Manhattan office? No thanks. There was a lot of that. Uh, and then I just used the money as a runway to start my show, uh, or to do it as run it as a business instead of a hobby, which is great. And then that turned into a coaching company, which I ran for 10 years or so.

And I got kind of sick of that because coaching is really intensive. I mean, you know this like mentoring, leadership, hiring, managing people, like if you don't love it or thrive on it somehow, it's it really just eats away at you. And I so I when I started the Jordan Harbinger Show off the back of my previous company, I was like, no live events, no online sales. I'm not going to shill email list affiliate stuff. I'm not going to run live programs. And it's it's great because I was able to ride the podcast wave on the way up because I was kind of like, okay, I'm going to make a tenth of my income because back then podcast ads were occasional and you might make like 10 20 grand a month doing it. And then it was now it's like you can make hundreds of thousands of dollars a month doing running ads on podcast because the the market has matured in a way that was great for me because I again I kind of

rode the wave, right? the show was popular and it was like hey people are experimenting more with ads on podcasts and then it became like oh your show does well and so that was the wave that I rode and now so now I don't have to do other things that I don't want to do and of course everyone says you're leaving money on the table and I'm like good you know good the more money I leave on the table it means I'm living my life instead of just working to catch every single dollar which I think is a good way to live especially when you have little kids

my buddy was just here Joe Polish and he talks about this life of elf. It's got to be easy, lucrative, and fun. And if it's not, get out of it.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know Joe. I've known Joe for a really long time. And Yeah. Easy, lucrative, and fun. And I I'm I'm with that. Like, it has to of course lucrative. You got to pay the bills. But I would trade a certain amount of money for more fun and more easy. So, I I know a lot of people who are wealthy entrepreneurs, and it's it it it's crazy to me. They'll be like, "Hey, man. Can I ask you a question?" I'm like, "Yeah, sure." and they're like, "How do you edit your social media posts in Canva?" And I'm like, "I don't.

What do you Are you doing that? You should not be doing that. There's no reason that a guy running a sevenfigure business should be trying to figure out how to make videos of his whatever, you know, day job thing because they can't let go of control and they're miserable. Dude, I started working with Dan Martell and he's like, "Dude, you you got one of the best business brains, your processes systems checklist the accountability, and really the way you delegate. Why don't you run your personal life?" And I'm like, "Well, I I feel kind of guilty hiring a chef, hiring a driver." He's like, "Dude, you're looking out of the wrong lens."

And now we have a chef. Now we have a driver. Now we have all the people. So now my house runs like the business. And I got to tell you, I was an idiot because I was looking out of the wrong lens.

Yes. Some people are sick of hearing this, but buying back time is a real thing.

It is a real thing, dude. And it's funny because yes, if you come from like a middle class background, there's a part of you that says quietly slash like invisibly, I can't hire a chef. That's for like celebrities. Or, I can't hire a chef. My parents will think I'm wasting money. Yeah.

And it's it's really upset. It's not it's not a good way to run things, right? Would your dad look at you and be ashamed of you for hiring a chef if he knew that you were making $5,000 during that hour every week instead of like cooking or making like no. He'd be pretty excited for you. I would think that you had made that trade, but that part's invisible, right? It just looks like you're lounging around the pool drinking a martini at 9:00 in the morning and your chef is like, "Breakfast is ready." That's what it looks like to the outsider. So, we have to kind of get used to that as as guys who have are on a maybe a different level than where we grew up. But you have to get over that because it's bad for your business and then it's bad for your life even if you've got your business under control. So, you can fix that. And not fixing it is negligent. It is reckless. It is I don't what's the

opposite of a businessman? Is it is it unbuslike behavior? And a lot of these guys won't do that. And so they're they're stuck making like $200,000 a year instead of $2 million a year or 20 million because they won't outsource things that they don't have time to do.

I get it because a lot of coaches are like, "Dude, they don't listen." Like, "If you got all the answers, why are you here?" So it's like the world of vibration, whatever you want to say. Just dude, you're you're sitting here, you're wondering why nobody wants to pay you. I got this article that somebody sent me yesterday. Uh I wanted to get your your take on it. Okay, so breaking. PayPal is hiring a head of CEO content. This is what you need to know. The job pays over $200,000 a year. The mission is simple. Make sure the CEO, Alex Chris, is visible and consistently posting. This is not about getting likes. It's about building trust with investors, inspiring employees, and keeping PayPal top of mind against competitors like Apple Pay and Google Pay. PayPal is proving that in 2025, the personal brand of the leader is important as the brand of the company.

Here's the takeaway. Visibility is no longer a nice to have for leaders. It's part of the business strategy. If your audience cannot see you, they will forget you exist. If they can see you often enough with the right message, you shape how they think before they before you ever speak to them. The difference between a CEO who shows up online and who does not can be millions in talent attraction, customer trust, and deal flow.

Totally. Yeah, I 100% agree. One of the guys who did really well with this early in the game was

T-Mobile CEO. You remember that guy? Yeah. Everywhere. And he was all over the place. I mean, Richard Branson, of course, also like with the Virgin Group and everything, but this guy was everywhere and he was repping T-Mobile and I have no idea what other companies he ran or anything, but he was really, really good. He was I remember he was like in clubhouse rooms calling out fraudsters and he like there's like a famous call uh with him confronting Cardone. Yeah. And and like it was it's just poetic. And then there's him talking about things that his company and it T-Mobile was always the underdog, right? they had like the smallest network or whatever it was or it was like underpriced or price lower because of that. And but it was like they they did all these little sort of clever things to make their brand really well known. If you got on a flight, you could basically use T-Mobile login to

get free inflight Wi-Fi on like every airline. They just negotiated that and that was really smart. It took a long time for other company CEOs to try to do this and it happened a lot kind of by accident you know like you know um the CEO of Salesforce for example Mark Beni off like he became a really big brand you still see other companies big companies their CEOs are really not that famous and with a few exceptions like Tim Cook from Apple and the reason you know that guy is because Apple does those big announcements that Steve Jobs pioneered where they end they show the new products and he comes out on stage and shows you personally why it's really cool. That's why we know who that is.

It's great branding. It makes you trust Apple more because you associate it with a person that you know, like, trust, whatever. And it it's really funny because podcasters, this is like the whole game. Like the reason I get paid to endorse PayPal or Progressive Insurance or whatever it is is because people know, like, and trust me as a host. So it just it seems so obvious to a a little little tiny company like me compared to Apple that this is the way to do it. So even folksy companies are not doing a great job of this. But like look at Berkshire Hathaway who runs that well Warren obviously.

So this branding works really well. It's just such a good investment in you could spend hundreds of millions or even tens whatever maybe tens of millions of dollars in your CEO's personal brand or your founder's personal brand. Oh, by the way, 48 out of the 52 people here next door training. This is their first month. We got 52 in the new training class. And these guys, 48 of them have said, "We've been following you. We want to come work here because of you." So, that just like we we we know what kind of leader you are. We know you're going to take the time. You're doing the orientation. So, I think the main thing I wanted to say is personal brand matters. A1 helped grow my brand. I helped grow A1. It's kind of like we're we're we're plugged in together. Uh when you were coaching, what were you coaching on? Like help me understand for those 10 years.

Yeah. So I actually I don't do this anymore and I don't necessarily think it is the right thing to do for me now of course, but I traveled around the world and I taught men how to meet and attract women. It was a completely different niche. And it wasn't sort of the gross like pickup artist stuff that you

Yeah. I read the book black book or whatever. Yeah. It wasn't really about that. It was kind of more like the intro beginning of men's self-help stuff. Guys would walk in and be like, I don't understand why women don't like me or I, you know, women only want this. And I would be like, you need to lose 60 lbs cuz you want an athletic girl like at your CrossFit class, right? You need to go on a diet. Okay, fine. And you want a girl with her own career so she's not mooching off you? Yeah. Okay. Well, what's your career? Well, I'm kind of like between stuff right now. So, that's the main problem. So, it's not about like finding clever things to say or whatever. And so I did a lot of coaching around that. And then of course we did actually videotape men interacting with our coach, female coaches, worked on their body language, non-verbal communication, eye contact, the things that they did, the way they sat, stood,

walked, talk, everything. But that was all like a secondary layer, right? And then a sort of a third tier of of client was which was actually one of the largest tiers are guys who are like I kind of just woke up one day and realized I've only worked and I've never really tried to date and it's actually kind of hard now that I'm not in college and I've been working for 5 years. I'm 30 years old and I'm like holy crap. Darren Hardy wrote a book uh the compound effect and he said he wrote down everything he wanted in a woman. So he wrote down 50 things he needed to become to be deserving of a woman like that. And I think that's really important. My cousin called me up now two years ago and she said, "You know how the the family's so proud of you?

You're writing books. You're talking on stage. Your company's a success." She goes, "Why don't you love yourself?" And she's like, "Are you proud of what you see in the mirror?" And I'm like, "Rachel, I'm busy." Like, I've always avoided it. And then all of a sudden, tears came down my eyes. And I'm like, "I'm better than this. I've I've made excuses for myself." And uh that was I was on a quest. So I went from 24% body fat to 10% within like 6 months cuz I was like, "This is [ __ ] I'm not walking." and talking the way I want to lead.

Yeah. Yeah, man. Losing losing weight was was a huge thing for me, too. I I I looked at my I was I had my son. He's six now. He was probably almost two. I was on the floor playing with him. He has this like little train that he would ride. It made noises. And I got up off the floor and it took me like a good 20 seconds, you know? I was like crack. And I was like, I feel old. And then it was pandemic, so I was eating like Chinese takeout every night and and [ __ ] like that. And um my friend called and was like, "How you doing?" He runs the second largest chain of gyms in Canada.

And I was like, "Uh, I'm okay. Just starting to feel old." And he's like, "How old are you?" I was like 40. He's like, "Oh, you're not that old." And I'm like, "I don't know." And he's like, "I'm the same age as you and you could be in good shape." I was like, "I'm not really like a natural athlete." He's like, "Yeah, you are. You just don't try." And it was like one of those same similar conversations, right? where he's like, "I'm going to give you a trainer online from one of my gyms because they're all closed because of the pandemic." I've worked with that trainer for almost 5 years. It'll be 5 years in November. I went from 38% body fat to, I don't know, 12 or 13 or whatever. I'm in better shape than I was anytime, even during my 20s. And it's crazy what that does for you as a man. And that's not that's not easy for most people to do. I look at Jeff Bezos when he started Amazon to where he is now. And the money

actually affords you better doctors and better, you know, stem cells. I don't know. I I'm just curious from your perspective with the different women and the men you've interacted with. Men are like they're successful. They're good at relationships. I'm not saying physical is not important, but what are the differences between what a man wants and a woman wants if you had to just sum it up?

Yeah. I mean, it it really depends because each person is an individual and it depends on the patterns you were raised with. So there's there's a huge difference in say uh there there's plenty of women that are going to be interested in looks and money, right? But there's also plenty of women that are going to be interested in somebody who's a secure emotional person that also hits a baseline level of being able to say provide for them. And above that doesn't matter as much. Uh and there's also like baseline level of physical fitness that a woman kind of expects.

And then above that is sort of gravy. Like if you have a healthy, secure relationship with somebody who's well adjusted, they're not going to leave you because you don't have a six-pack, but they might lose attraction for you if you are 30 to 50 60 lb overweight. Uh, and that's not something we should shame people for. That's biology. Nobody owes you to to to be attracted to you just cuz you're married. Like they they they love you and they should support your weight loss journey, but you can't like tell them to tell their biology to overlook that. So, it really depends.

The trick is going to be finding somebody who is well adjusted, has good patterns that they were raised with, is is able to look at you and go, you know, I love this person so much that I don't really care that they don't have, you know, 8% body fat and veins on their abs anymore. I still find them attractive. Um, but it's also your job to maintain a good physical appearance as much as possible. But you know, a lot of guys what they do is they let everything go and they sacrifice their relationship. They remove their emotional cushion and their provision from the relationship cuz they're busy with work. They bring home their stress. They let themselves go physically. And then they act all surprised and indignant when the woman's like, "This isn't working for me." And they're like, "Oh, I see. I gain a little bit of weight." And you're just like, "I'm going to divorce you and take half your stuff." And it's like, "Ah,

bro. I don't think it's the weight gain. I think it's the fact that you literally just gave up on the relationship and brought home your stress and you provide nothing other than a paycheck and you're making yourself and her miserable. I don't think it's fair to say like women look for uh money and looks only. That's that's some people do that and I feel bad for those people because they are going to inherently be disappointed in almost every relationship that they're in. What you should be looking for is somebody who's compatible with you. And that's like something that we we don't learn it in school and guys tend to just never really think about it. And that's a big problem.

I love it, man. I love this conversation. I got three questions I ask on every podcast. Um these are repeats. What What's one piece of gamechanging advice you wish you knew in your 20s?

Oh man, dude. I mean, I learned this later in my 20s, if that counts, but you really need to dig the well before you get thirsty when it comes to relationships. Uh there were so many times where Iworked kind of accidentally or somebody was really proactive with me and created a friendship and I got a ton of opportunities from those relationships. And then later on in my 20s, like at the end of my 20s, I was like, "Wait a minute, I can be pretty intentional about the people I meet, the events I go to, the people I keep in touch with. I can systemize getting in touch with them using a CRM, right? And and like at the time a spreadsheet, and just reach out to them like every couple of months so I'm top of mind for them.

They remember me. They know what I'm interested in, things like that. So, I I teach a course. I have a course called sixminute networking. It's free. It's not like an upsell thing. And it's at sixminute networking.com. And people can just sign up and it's basically like 13 or maybe it's 12 drills of really simple things that can build a network for you. Dig the well before you get thirsty. Because if you don't build relationships before you need them, it's too late if you need to rely on those. So, I I meet tons of people that are like, I don't really need to network. I work in I don't know like healthcare. And then like six months later they're like I got laid off from Kaiser Permanente. Uh any tips on the job hunt? And I'm like I thought you didn't need to network. You should if you did network you would know everybody in your industry. I mean not everybody. It's a healthcare industry.

You'd know everybody locally in your industry that could help you hire. You know you'd know people inside Kaiser. You know people outside Kaiser at other hospitals that are working in the same field as you. Why don't you call them? Oh, you didn't freaking bother doing any of this cuz you imagined that you had job security in 2025, which is delusional. Uh, and now you have nowhere to begin. So, when I left the law, I was like, "Oh my god, how do I get a job in law?" And I started calling all my lawyer buddies from law school. I had a built-in network and I was like, "Wait a minute." This is how I kind of figured it out cuz I ended up getting my first job through networking and I ended up getting a bunch of other jobs through networking. And then as I got older, I was like, "Wait, you can do this in any niche." So, if if something happened to my podcast today, I would I would have a hundred job offers, I guarantee you, by

the in the end of a couple of months because I'd just make a few phone calls uh or I should say a few dozen phone calls and I'd be like, I'm on the market. Uh I have these skills and people would snap me up because they know me, they like me, they trust me, I've reached out to them for years and years and years about things I can do for them or just to check in. It's like if you call somebody, you haven't talked to them in 15 years, they're going to pick up the phone and be like,

"Why do you want to chat now? Is this about Scientology or herbal life or whatever? Like, I'm not interested in your multi-level marketing, you know, alien cult. Get off the like, what do you want?" But if I call somebody that I've talked to twice a year for the last 20 years, even if it just a short te text checkin, they're going to be like, "Hey, man. What's going on? Hey, look. I'm calling because I just lost my job and I'm wondering if you have any opportunities in the following fields. Yeah, let me get your resume or I'd love, you know, I'd love to work with you again or something like that. That would not be a challenge. It cuz I've dug the well before I got thirsty. So, I really hope most people out there pay attention to this. Build relationships before you need them because if you're trying to execute on this when you are desperate, you're going to weak of desperation and people are going to be

like, "What do you want?" as opposed to, "How can I help And so it's a it's a massive it's such a tiny investment and it's such a massive return when you need it. It's a basically an insurance policy that money could never buy. And uh again I teach a bunch of this stuff at 6minutetworking.com and there's no you don't have to like enter your credit card. It's actually just free.

What what about so is there a CRM? Because literally at the end of the day I was really good buddies with John Ruling with Gifttologology and uh

you know I I've never I'm building something out to be able to do this. I've already got it for my co-workers that I'm able to reach out via text, via video, and I I look at their KPIs, just tell them how proud I am of them, birthdays anniversaries kids birthdays, because I needed to really systematize it. But do you do you have anything that you use that that that is like the best practice tool to use for that?

Yeah, I use a tool called relatable. It's it's not free. Um my friends VB band makes it. It's relatable.1 and it remembers Yeah. It helps you and your team stay in touch. Business, career, life stuff.

Awesome. And uh it is a CRM that looks at your email like, "Hey, when's the last time you talked to this person? Here's a tag. Here's their birthday."

All that stuff. I love it. Check that out. U What are your millionaire habits? What what sets you apart? What what what stuff in your routine sets you apart from the rest?

I mean, of course, the first thing, reaching out, creating relationships before you need them. That that's the main one. The other one is, and we just touched on this for a while, the physical fitness. It really, everyone's like, I'm just so tired. I get it. I I'm tired at the end of the day, too. I'm not tired during the day, though, because I'm in good shape. And so, people really underestimate how how much of a change you get when you are when you're taking care of your body because your body and your mind and all that stuff. I mean, I'm not going to get all woo woo, but they're very, of course, intertwined. Those are my millionaire habits. really those are like the two probably most important things. The other thing in this kind of as networking adjacent is don't depprioritize your social circle. I I've got a bunch of dude friends especially and we go on trips together. We catch up on the phone uh every month or so and it

feels really good, man. There's there's this like crisis of men not having any friends. Have you heard about this? Like men it's not the male loneliness epidemic. This is like guys having zero friends.

Yeah. I can't remember the stat, dude. But it's something like 60% or like some huge maybe it's even 25 but it's some huge number of guys report having zero close friends. Zero. Not like zero best friends ever, zero friends. Hey guys, chiming in here with the exact stat. LA Times reported in 2023 that 15% of men have no close friends. That might sound like a small percentage, but that actually is one in seven men. To make that digestible for you, that statistic would mean that 27 million men in America don't have close friends. That is crazy to me. And there's a that's not good for you, man. And it's not because you're a giant loser that nobody likes.

It's because you worked your ass off at Amazon and kept your head down for 80our weeks for 10 years. And you woke up and you realized you have co-workers that honestly you could take it or leave it with these people. And you don't have any friends. And because you haven't seen anybody for five freaking years aside from, you know, your neighbor who you don't really like. He just happens to live next door to you, right? Like that's a big problem, man. We know from science, uh, social science, people who have good relationships and social circles, they live longer, they're happier, their levels of depression are much lower, their zest for life is much higher. You basically need like one or two friends and it's a lifechanging life extending benefit to your longevity. And that is really crazy because you both get it, right? Like if you make friends with one or two guys that also don't have any friends, you have eliminated

the we have no friends problem for all three of you. That's a really good net gain for having lunch every month once or twice. That's all you need, man. You don't need to hang out every day. You don't need to play three hours of Xbox with them every night. You just need to have the ability to call them when some [ __ ] is happening and have them be like, "Dude, I got you." That is all right. That is a low that's a low bar. And most guys have not been able to get across that because of negligence, because of of letting things atrophy. It's like getting out of shape. You let your body get out of shape, you let your social circle get out of shape. It's possible to rejuvenate all that stuff.

You know, I would tell you one caveat is when I was a kid, I didn't pick my friends. They were my neighbors who I went to school with. So I think instead of sharing a common past, share a common future

because I like that some of the people I've hung out with and I've got great friends.

But I will say the circles have changed and I would say that they inspire me and they don't bring me down. It's something about when you everybody wants you to win till you start going past them. And that could be religiously, physically, uh with money, whatever it might be. And then it becomes a little bit of a and I'm not saying this is the rule, but a sometimes it's animosity. Sometimes I've seen that with even families.

There's some crab bucket stuff going on with people. But you know what? You here here's a way to here's a a good way to look at this. Yes, you might share a common future, but please don't be afraid to have friends who can do absolutely nothing for your career.

Oh, 100%. Yes, I agree with that. You get you need at least one or two of these people in your life. It it it is. You need more of those because then they're not like, "Oh man, I'm competing with Jordan in podcasting." They're like, "Jordan's my rich friend and he's still cool and this guy is my shooting buddy and he's cool." And it's just a non-issue man.

So, let me ask you this. If you had to start over with $10 million tomorrow, what would you do with it? No, I just put it in an index fund and then I realize my retirement's totally taken care of and then if if I can't if I make $40,000 uh a year doing my podcast, fine. I don't have to save any money, I have $10 million in index funds, right? So like I I would just do the same thing. Um I I if I had to start over and I don't think I would end up making $40,000 a year podcasting. I think somebody tells me I I did have to start over 6 years ago when I left my old show. I had business partners, you know, there was a litigation involved. Um, I had to start my show essentially from zero, but I had that personal brand that we talked about at the top of the show like CEOs are supposed to have and my audience came with me and if I lost my podcast tomorrow, I would have the Jordan Harbinger Show, you know, part two,

whatever you call it, and I would bring a huge amount of that audience with me again. So, like I again, I have that insurance policy that you can't buy with money because I've actually invested in the people that learn and listen to the Jordan Harbinger show. Like that's if I didn't have that $10 million, I'm just going to retire, you know? I'd probably still do a podcast that nobody listened to because I enjoy doing it. But yeah, I think I would be able to build a seven figureure business again in like a year.

Have you ever heard of the book A Man's Search for Purpose? The guy was going through the Holocaust. I forget his name.

Victor Frankle. Yeah. Man's Search for Meaning. Yeah. Search for Meaning. Yeah. It was like

men need a purpose. So you ever hear about Gino Wickman when he sold his company? wrote the sun or shine the book because there's this purpose like we've got to have a purpose. We've got to have a goal. We've got to have something we're going towards. What are your thoughts on that?

Yeah, I agree. I think I mean you see tons of guys with no purpose all the time and they're directionless and it's really it's really a crisis. The whole premise is that they are depressed as [ __ ] cuz they're not doing anything. They have no purpose. Even if they're like, I live with my parents and I'm going to inherit their Airbnb rental business and I manage their properties. they're directionless and they're miserable because that doesn't give them any purpose even though they're financially fine. It's still it's like their their life still sucks. So, you definitely need something to work towards. You know, guys like you and I are probably lucky like my purpose is, you know, running the show and educating people and I get paid handsomely for that. You're running a business you're really proud of. You like educating people, you're paid handsomely for that.

You can get your purpose or your passion elsewhere, but you should bring it into your career and work with you. You don't have to follow your passion. That's some [ __ ] that people say during commencement speeches because they don't know what else to say. Like the the guy the Scott Galloway says this more eloquently than I do. But he says something like the guy who's telling you to follow your passion made his billion dollars in iron smelting. Mike Row from Dirty Jobs always talks about this too. He's like said you don't have to follow your passion. You just have to bring it with you.

Yeah. He says don't follow your passion. Yeah. He's like don't no there's no there's no money in that. Right. Like the guy who's cleaning portaotties and do like fixing really gross plumbing issues. He is bringing his passion to his work. He enjoys solving these complex problems, but at the end of the day, he is covered in [ __ ] okay? But he's making a really good living and his passion is actually creating that lifestyle for his family. He doesn't care that he's caught in a the giant poop explosion every now and then. It's just part of what it's just part of the job, okay? and but he's also not miserable doing it because he realizes it's in it's in pursuit of a larger goal which is stability, financial security, things like that. So he brings his passion with him.

I love that. Is there a uh favorite book in business that you have on like social dynamics or any book?

You know I I read so many books but to pull like a favorite business book I mean

it doesn't need to be business. I like I like Atomic Habits by James Clear. He's a been a buddy of mine since forever. It the reason it's the bestselling book of the decade in the non-fiction is because that [ __ ] works. I also liked Joo's original book, Extreme Ownership, because there there's like a crisis of personal responsibility or lack thereof, especially among I'm an elder millennial, which sounds gross. U but our generation and lower, it's I I remember when I was younger hearing kids be like, "The teacher hates me." And I was like, "That's stupid. You're just an idiot and you don't try hard." U but like as I got older those same people were saying the same thing and I'm like right maybe it's a you problem. Okay.

And so extreme ownership kind of goes through like oh if you got really you got dealt a bad hand you know good. And a lot of the things that I saw in my life and business that were like this is the worst thing that ever happened to me turned out to be the the best thing that ever happened to me besides like meeting my wife and having kids was lo losing my previous business because now I own 100% of it. It's way more profitable than my previous show. I get to do whatever I want. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. And at the time it was so stressful. I lost like 20 lbs and wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, you know, and my wife was like, "Holy crap, my husband's going to like die a skeleton in the guest bedroom." And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And when people told me that at the time, I was like, "I want to punch you in the throat for telling me this is going to be the best thing that ever

happened to me." But they were all right. They were all 100% correct because I rose to the challenge and and and with my team and my wife and everything and made it through that. And I think Jaco's book extreme ownership kind of tells you that you can if you look down the chain for the things that you can control then you can rise to that challenge. But if you sort of abdicate responsibility and control to like the universe or fate or whatever like you know your hand that you were dealt you can't do anything about it. Of course you're not going to make any changes. You're not going to make any of the changes that you need to succeed in the environment that you happen to be in. And so that that realization was really important for me and it helped me get through some pretty heavy duty [ __ ] I think

I love it. This is awesome. Jordan, how do people get a hold of you if they want to reach out or uh

Yeah, the Jordan Harbinger Show. Definitely just check out the Jordan Harbinger Show. I know you already listen to podcasts. I'm not much Very few of my episodes go to YouTube, but you know, everything's on Spotify, Apple. Um I don't focus on YouTube as much. That's probably a conversation for another podcast. And then yeah, I'm Jordan Harbinger on Twitter, Instagram. So I have everybody from mobsters to innovators and and uh writers, journalists, everything. So it's quite a variety of shows.

Hey man, I really appreciate you coming on today. I had a blast. And next time I'm in uh Man Jose, I'll I'll I'll reach out.

Please do. Yeah, it's good talking with you. Thanks, brother. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. Like always, we're going to close it out with the Tommy truth, which is a little slice of wisdom from me to you that can help guide you in whatever you're striving towards right now. If you want to win big, stop giving and start asking. In 1969, psychologists tested this effect. They rigged a contest where everybody won money. One group was personally asked by the experimenttor to give the money back. The crazy thing is, the people who gave the money back actually like the experimenttor more. Their brain thought, "If I helped him, I must like him." They prove that asking for help creates a mental connection. It's called the Ben Franklin effect. The coolest thing about this concept is you could use it, too. Authenticity is key here.

People know when you're being genuine. Use this to build connections and mutual respect. And that's it, guys. We'll talk to you next week.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger"?

Tommy Mello (Host), Jordan Harbinger (Guest).

What is "What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger" about?

Jordan Harbinger, a social dynamics expert, emphasizes the importance of building authentic relationships before they are needed, as desperation can hinder genuine connections. Drawing on his extensive experience in networking and negotiation, he highlights the significance of cultivating trust and social intelligence to enhance personal and professional opportunities.

What is mentioned in this Tommy Mello episode?

7 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including The Jordan Harbinger Show, sixminute networking, Extreme Ownership, Atomic Habits, Amazon, Google Pay. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "What's Your Relationship ROI? with Social Dynamics Expert Jordan Harbinger"?

The episode runs 35 min; the transcript is about 7,663 words in 78 timestamped sections.

More from Tommy Mello

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated January 24, 2026.