Transcript

Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under

From Watch What Crappens · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 43 min · 20,551 words · 310 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under", an episode of Watch What Crappens published February 10, 2026 (1 h 43 min, about 20,551 words). It mentions 123 people, works and ideas, including Below Deck Down Under, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Patreon, watch whatins.com, Ben (Below Deck).

What this episode is about

The discussion focuses on the kickoff of the new season of "Below Deck Down Under," highlighting the show's blend of entertainment and drama set against the stunning backdrop of Australia. The hosts introduce new cast dynamics while teasing upcoming events like the Golden Krappies and encouraging audience engagement through ticket purchases and Patreon offerings.

Key takeaways

  • Who knew geography could be a branding trick? Welcome to Below Deck: not quite down under!
  • Imagine feeling sorry for non-Bravo watchers—how sad must their lives be without reality TV drama?
  • The Golden Krappies: where celebrity meltdown meets audience voting in a hilarious reality showdown.
  • Reality TV requires recovery time; end of season drama can leave viewers emotionally drained—seriously, it's trauma!
  • Nothing says luxury like debating pancake rankings while sipping champagne—hello, Bravo's absurdity at its finest!

Who speaks in this episode?

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Below Deck Down Under, Patreon, Ben (Below Deck), Patreon
  2. – 20:00: Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Whitney Rose, Zimbabwe, Finding Nemo
  3. – 30:00: Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Canowan, Caribbean, Outback Steakhouse
  4. – 40:00: Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Outback Steakhouse, Zimbabwe, South Africa
  5. – 50:00: Only Fans, Twitter, Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Caribbean
  6. – 1:00:00: Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Heather Gay, Jeffrey – Pagano, Joe, Outback Steakhouse
  7. – 1:10:00: Canada, Fast Eddie, Whistler
  8. – 1:20:00: Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Vita Tequila, Heather Gay, Jeffrey – Pagano, Joe
  9. – 1:30:00: Cucumber, Back Row podcast, Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason, Amy Odell
  10. – 1:40:00: Cheesecake, Angie, Cucumber, Chicken Tenders
  11. – 1:43:11: Meredith Marx, watch whatins.com, Golden Crappies

Notable quotes from "Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under"

  • Welcome back to another season of Below Deck Down Under. Well, below sultry, which is not down under at all, but we're not going to change the title of the below dick. Cuz why brand build more.
    about Below Deck Down Under · at
  • Tomorrow. Check watchcraftins.com or our Instagram or guess what? Our Patreon is all there, too. Patreon is where you get our free newsletter and it's also where you get bonus…
    about Patreon · at
  • Excited to see what makes it to the final ballot because it's so fun. Like how lucky are we? How lucky are we that we get to see such funny things? Like don't you sometimes…
    about Bravo · at
  • So, gosh, we totally forgot to include things like I don't know, the Oscars. Just kidding. but anyway, it's going to be so fun. I'm excited.
    about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City · at
  • Oh my god, it was so amazing. And also, the return of Ben, I can't believe how much I enjoyed that. I always thought Ben was he was good. used, he's always been like one of the most famous people to come out of.
    about Ben (Below Deck) · at
  • I really am. why am I doing this?
    about Canowan · at
  • Yeah. Jason's Well, we've got Heather Gay and Whitney Rose and Meredith Marks and the whole chaos. I met Heather in Sydney once. We shook hands and then she went and.
    about Heather Gay · at
  • Yeah. Exactly. So then Jason's sending a text to his Norma whose name is Shelly asking for a new stew.
    about Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Ben (Below Deck) — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (chef 'Ben') · 2 mentions · first at
    A major storyline in the recap: his return to the franchise and conflict with Alicia in the galley.
  • Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (Below Deck Down Under captain) · 10 mentions · first at
    Central on-show authority figure being recapped; hosts repeatedly joke about his management style and demeanor.
  • Heather Gay — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (RHOSLC) · 3 mentions · first at
    One of the charter guests; repeatedly referenced for loud/sexual jokes and as a known Bravo personality.
  • Whitney Rose — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (RHOSLC) · 3 mentions · first at
    Named as part of the charter guest group; also used as a comedic comparison ('Whitney Rose face').
    Yeah. Jason's Well, we've got Heather Gay and Whitney Rose and Meredith Marks and the whole chaos. I met Heather in Sydney once. We shook hands and then she went and.
  • Meredith Marx — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (RHOSLC) · 3 mentions · first at
    Part of the charter guest group; referenced in the dinner fight and water-throwing moments.
    Yeah. Jason's Well, we've got Heather Gay and Whitney Rose and Meredith Marks and the whole chaos. I met Heather in Sydney once. We shook hands and then she went and.
  • Jeffrey – Pagano, Joe — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (stew who leaves early) · 2 mentions · first at
    Interior crew member who departs due to a family emergency; impacts staffing and Daisy's workload.
    And Joe's, we don't really have to pay too much attention to her because she's I grew up in Canada. I was cool.
  • Amy Odell — Person · 1 mention · first at
    She also wrote the book the Gwennneth Paltro biopic and I think she did one about Anna Winour. but we went on there and we talked about housewives fashion and how housewives.
  • Angie — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (RHOSLC) · 3 mentions · first at
    Part of the charter guest group; referenced for seasickness and group interactions.
    She's saying it's going well. And Bronwin is now on the boat and Angie's By the way, I am Greek but also getting seasick. Could someone get me some medication? Thank you very…
  • Batul — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (deck crew 'Batul') · 1 mention · first at
    New deck crew member highlighted positively; discussed for background story and comedic name exchanges.
    Yeah, exactly. So, Batul says, I used to be Muslim in a strict religious family and in our culture, women are not seen or are not heard and it was pretty conservative, but I lost my virginity.
  • Fast Eddie — Person · Referenced reality TV cast member (deck crew 'Eddie') · 1 mention · first at
    Crew member discussed for insecurity/body image storyline and interactions with Mike and Batul.
    People are getting into their whites and everyone's getting ready and there's lots of chaos. And, Eddie is talking to Mike and he's saying how he saw that Alicia was crying and Mike's Who though?
  • Donnie and Marie — Person · 1 mention · first at
    For those of you who don't know. But everybody needs to respect him because he is cousins with Donnie and Marie.
  • George Jared — Person · Referenced person (RHOSLC relationship storyline) · 3 mentions
    Mentioned as Britney's boyfriend/ex; used as a running joke and part of the Housewives' banter.
    So she's Well, guys, I could flirt with guys, but I'm not going to be into somebody that's not into me.

Books & papers

  • Gwennneth Paltro — Book · 1 mention · first at
    She also wrote the book the Gwennneth Paltro biopic and I think she did one about Anna Winour. but we went on there and we talked about housewives fashion and how housewives.
  • Anna Winour — Book · 1 mention · first at
    She also wrote the book the Gwennneth Paltro biopic and I think she did one about Anna Winour. but we went on there and we talked about housewives fashion and how housewives have impacted fashion over the years and.

Companies & orgs

  • Bravo — Company · 1 mention · first at
  • Outback Steakhouse — Company · 3 mentions · first at
    The Outback Steakhouse? I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I would not. Well, I think like I don't know if I would, but if I were Jason, I'd sure Jason's Well, I'm Australian. I take me…
  • Patreon — Company · 2 mentions · first at
    Tomorrow. Check watchcraftins.com or our Instagram or guess what? Our Patreon is all there, too. Patreon is where you get our free newsletter and it's also where you get bonus…
  • Liquid Yacht Wear — Company · 1 mention · first at
    I feel like I want my yacht wear to be called super dry yacht wear because I feel like if I'm wearing clothing that's wet on a yacht, my boat's sinking. Right.
  • YouTube — Company · 1 mention · first at
    That's Ben's fault for not understanding Gen Z language. Like that's Gen Z code for I watched a YouTube video about this and I think this is going to be my life and you have to…
  • Netflix, Inc. — Company · 1 mention
  • SiriusXM — Company · 1 mention

Products & tech

  • Patreon — Product · Primary owned subscription channel / CTA · 2 mentions · first at
    Repeatedly promoted as the place for early video releases, bonus episodes, Discord, newsletter, and ad-free listening.
  • watch whatins.com — Product · Primary owned ticketing URL / CTA · 2 mentions · first at
    Promoted as the place to buy tickets for the Golden Crappies live event and related links (streaming ticket, voting).
    Make this show happen. So, round one voting and ticket links go live tomorrow. Check watchcraftins.com or our Instagram or guess what? Our Patreon is all there, too. Patreon is…
  • NBD Fancy — Product · Primary owned media product / CTA · 1 mention · first at
    Ronnie promotes his cooking-inspiration content and provides a URL; Ben reacts to a lasagna post.
    And yeah, there's a pretty interesting lasagna on there that honestly I've been thinking about for four days straight.
  • Instagram — Product · Owned/controlled promo channel mention · 2 mentions · first at
    Mentioned as a place to find ticket links and voting info; used as a distribution channel for their content.
    Make this show happen. So, round one voting and ticket links go live tomorrow. Check watchcraftins.com or our Instagram or guess what? Our Patreon is all there, too. Patreon is…
  • liquid yacht wear — Product · 1 mention · first at
    So, they have like gift bags with uniforms from liquid yacht wear.
  • Cucumber — Product · Incidental prop/food item (comedic beat) · 7 mentions · first at
    Recurring gag: cucumber chopping in the galley and a cucumber found in luggage (implied sex-toy joke).
    To do sliders. I think we should do a really nice lobster salad. She's Okay. So, she's chopping a cucumber and he's What is that? it's a cucumber for what?
  • Cheesecake — Product · Incidental food item (galley storyline) · 4 mentions · first at
    Part of the Ben/Alicia competence conflict; Alicia forgets sugar, creating a notable mistake.
    And now Ben wants to make a cheesecake and Alicia's Oh, I can make a cheesecake. No problem. He goes, You can. And she's Yep. And he goes, All right, we'll be there together. She goes, Okay, see you in.
  • Only Fans — Product · Incidental platform reference (cast monetization) · 3 mentions · first at
    Mentioned regarding Mike having an OnlyFans account; discussed as a cultural aside, not promoted by hosts.
    Okay. Well, there you go. I don't know, about if he has an only fans.
  • AirPods — Product · 1 mention
  • Allbirds — Product · 1 mention
  • Apple Watch — Product · 1 mention
  • Athletic Greens — Product · 1 mention
  • Audible — Product · 1 mention
  • Calm — Product · 1 mention
  • ChatGPT — Product · 1 mention
  • Eight Sleep — Product · 1 mention
  • Figma — Product · 1 mention
  • Gibson guitar — Product · 1 mention
  • Headspace — Product · 1 mention
  • Hendrick's Gin — Product · 1 mention
  • iPhone — Product · 1 mention
  • Levels CGM — Product · 1 mention
  • LMNT — Product · 1 mention
  • Lululemon — Product · 1 mention
  • MacBook — Product · 1 mention
  • Martin guitar — Product · 1 mention
  • MasterClass — Product · 1 mention
  • Momentous — Product · 1 mention
  • Netflix — Product · 1 mention
  • Nike — Product · 1 mention
  • Notion — Product · 1 mention
  • Oura Ring — Product · 1 mention
  • Pappy Van Winkle — Product · 1 mention
  • Peloton — Product · 1 mention
  • Shopify — Product · 1 mention
  • Slack — Product · 1 mention
  • Spotify — Product · 1 mention
  • Stripe — Product · 1 mention
  • Tesla — Product · 1 mention
  • Theragun — Product · 1 mention

Concepts & topics

Places & events

  • Golden Crappies — Event · 2 mentions · first at
    With the new additions. And we're going to love it. We're all going to love it. Damn it. the Golden Krappies is coming up February 27th here in the glamorous Los Angeles…
  • Canowan — Place · 3 mentions · first at
  • Zimbabwe — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    Well, back in Zim, I would always tell people, I'm here to make it easy for you. As easy as possible, so easy. And I said, get over here, you cut fittes. I'm going to make it easy for you. So, get.
  • Caribbean — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    Have to charter your own plane. And cuz this is where the high-end people want to be. It's got the it's got the largest reef change in the chain in the Caribbean. And it's the…
  • Los Angeles — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Going to love it. We're all going to love it. Damn it. the Golden Krappies is coming up February 27th here in the glamorous Los Angeles, California. We hope you can enjoy that with us live. get your tickets at watch whatins.com.
  • California — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Love it. Damn it. the Golden Krappies is coming up February 27th here in the glamorous Los Angeles, California. We hope you can enjoy that with us live. get your tickets at watch whatins.com.
  • South Africa — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    Jenna's from South Africa. Joe's from Montreal. Jenna's a steartess. Joe's Me, too. They're Oh my god, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. So Daisy.
  • Canada — Place · 2 mentions · first at
    To culinary school was a huge mistake, but mom persuaded me cooking wasn't for me. And I found myself in Whistler, Canada, doing ski season, falling in love, and I just forgot…
  • Oscars — Event · 1 mention · first at
    So, gosh, we totally forgot to include things like I don't know, the Oscars. Just kidding. but anyway, it's going to be so fun. I'm excited.
  • Sydney — Place · 1 mention · first at
    I had her meet me at an outback steakhouse. I ended up leaving her there. So, this is going to be awkward.
  • Montreal — Place · 1 mention · first at
    Jenna's from South Africa. Joe's from Montreal. Jenna's a steartess. Joe's Me, too. They're Oh my god, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. So Daisy.
  • Whistler — Place · 1 mention · first at
    To culinary school was a huge mistake, but mom persuaded me cooking wasn't for me. And I found myself in Whistler, Canada, doing ski season, falling in love, and I just forgot…
  • 911 — Event · 1 mention
  • AWS re:Invent — Event · 1 mention
  • Burning Man — Event · 1 mention
  • CES — Event · 1 mention
  • Coachella — Event · 1 mention
  • COVID-19 pandemic — Event · 1 mention
  • Moon Landing — Event · 1 mention
  • Nobel Prize — Event · 1 mention
  • Olympics — Event · 1 mention
  • Super Bowl — Event · 1 mention
  • SXSW — Event · 1 mention
  • Ted Talks — Event · 1 mention
  • World Cup — Event · 1 mention
  • Y Combinator Demo Day — Event · 1 mention

Media & podcasts

Full transcript with timestamps

Welcome to Watch What Crappins. To get our videos as soon as they're released instead of waiting for a week, head over to our Patreon. That's also where you'll find our bonus episodes and our Discord community. We love you guys. Well, hello and welcome to the sultry sounds of watch what crappins. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello Ben.

How are you doing? Welcome back to another season of Below Deck Down Under. Well, below sultry,

which is not down under at all, but we're not going to change the title of the below dick. Cuz why brand build more when we can just trick Americans who don't know where anything is anyway?

Listen, all that matters is that Canowan is below is is down under from America. So that's all that Bravo cares about. It's not it's not up above

Canaan. Canal. Everybody, welcome to a new season of Below Dick Down Under. It's bigger. It's better. It's more arrogant than ever with with the new additions. And we're going to love it. We're all going to love it. Damn it. Um, the Golden Krappies is coming up February 27th here in the glamorous Los Angeles, California. We hope you can enjoy that with us live. Uh, get your tickets at watch whatins.com. streaming ticket to become available tomorrow as well as voting for our first round. Okay, you're going to help us make this show happen. So, round one voting and ticket links go live tomorrow. Check watchcraftins.com or our Instagram or guess what? Our Patreon is all there, too. Patreon is where you get our free newsletter and it's also where you get bonus episodes, adree listening and videos that we do every day. We're also covering the traders right now over there weekly. So, join us for that.

May I make a personal shill? I just posted a new uh NBD Fancy. So, if anyone wants some cooking inspiration, my food, my food stuff. Yeah, fancy.

Thanks, Ronnie. NBD Fancy.ack.com. And yeah, there's a pretty interesting lasagna on there that honestly I've been thinking about for four days straight.

I know. I've been thinking about it since I read that this morning. It looks I want to make it for you.

I'm going to make it for you. I'm going to literally make it for you. Like I'm going to make it like that's like so much. Um I also want to say that so um going back to the crappies is that Ronnie and I like sat together and we we made the categories and we we put all the things into the general voting and I have to say it is so [ __ ] funny. Like there are so many hilarious moments and so many crazy things that happened over the past year. Like I cannot wait for you guys to see this this u this like big ballot and then I'm also like really excited to see what makes it to the final ballot because it's so fun. Like how lucky are we? How lucky are we that we get to see such funny things? Like don't you sometimes feel bad for people who don't watch Bravo that they just are they have no access to this stuff. Like this is just it's so deeply entertaining and

you know what I feel for people who don't watch Bravo? Nothing. I give them no thought and no feeling. They don't factor into my life at all. I pretend they're not

outside of it. No. The fact that we're sitting there sitting talking about about like hm where should uh Huda's pancakes go? I mean like we're literally like there's a pancake that's going up against who knows what. But I love that these are the things

that's not even on Bravo. So what do you think about that? It's not. But it was an influential pancake. Okay. It made

up for best show this year dine. Okay. Join us for the Bravo Awards. We don't care. We're like, "Murder, she wrote Angela Lansberry. Best Bravo celebrity of the year." Look, if we watched it, if we watch it and we talked about it on this show, it's it's going to be it's going to be in the realm. Okay. Yeah.

So, uh gosh, we totally forgot to include things like I don't know, the Oscars. Just kidding. Um but anyway, it's going to be so fun. I'm excited. But also really fun this episode of Below Deck Down Under. Wow, what an exciting premiere. I didn't realize we'd be starting right away with the Real Housewives. I thought we

Oh my gosh, they're not giving us a break with those Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. You know, after after a housewives, after every season, you know, by the end of these seasons, I'm like, "Okay, whoever you're frustrated with, I'm well, whoever I'm frustrated, let me just keep this about me. I hate when people say, you know, when you when I get to the end of the season, I'm usually so frustrated because it's the same fights. It's the same, you know, it's like on Below Deck, it's a douchebag. It's like Joe being a douchebag all season. He's just such a douchebag by the end that I'm just ready to kill somebody, you know? And the housewives are the same. And so by the end of those seasons, I need a year. I need a year to like relax, forgive everybody. Like I was involved in these fights personally. I need to just like get over it. I need to recover from the trauma basically. And man, we didn't get

any time. Last season, last week was the season finale and this week is they're back. Here they are back again.

I'm never gonna complain about a housewives of Salt Lake City. I mean, I love them. So,

yeah. I I have to say that by the end of last week, you know, that the stress of putting putting the crappies together, it adds so much work on like onto our plates more than I think people actually really realize. It's just it's so much. It's endless meetings, you know. And so, there's that. And then the the recording schedule right now is very rigorous because we have the traders on the schedule. we have, you know, some extra shows and so it's just it's a lot. And I had a moment next last week when as below deck met ended. The thought that is just like starting it right up all over again from scratch. I was like, "Oh, we don't even get a break. We just go right into a brand new Below Deck where we just we run it back again for the millionth time." I was like, I I don't know if I can do this. I I I'm I'm like I I think I may need to take a break from Below Deck for one season before we launch into it. But of course,

by the time Last Night rolls around, I'm refreshed and I watch it and I'm like, I love it and I'm like so glad we're we're talking about it because also as much as the premiere is about the Real Housewives coming on board, which was very fun. For me, the real story and the thing that I'm going to be tracking for a little bit and the thing that is also stressing me out the most is the situation with Ben and Alicia down in the galley. That situation is so wild. Normally, when people come back, they're usually like, "Last season, I didn't know what I was doing, but this time around, I know what I'm I'm I'm in for.

I've trained. I've worked. I've worked on 45 different boats, and now I'm ready to kick some ass. I'm stronger." But Alicia comes in like actually I went sk I went skiing and I don't know and she's actually somehow like way worse than she was last year. She's like totally inept and Ben is like losing his mind and I am like I was sitting there just like laughing and stressed and covering my eyes every time they had a scene together.

I love an unsupportive parent cuz you know so many times on this show it's like oh my god my mom is my idol. She's done nothing but support me. I like when someone comes on and they're like, "Yeah, my mom told me, you're going to be a cook. I mean, come on, culinary school. Come on, get off of it, Alicia. Go [ __ ] someone on a ski slope." So, I did. You know, my mom's really into me wasting my life. I love that. Oh my god, it was so amazing. And also, the return of Ben, I can't believe how much I enjoyed that. I always thought Ben was like, he was good. used, you know, he's always been like one one of the most famous people to come out of this series, but uh watching him on the show makes you realize that we've endured so many generic chefs over the years like the clown guy we just got through or I don't know, like a million of them. And so to have someone like Ben come in who really is like a he is kind

of a fiery personality. He's like a TV personality. You're like, "Oh, now I remember why this guy popped on our screens for all those years."

Yeah. His arrogance is really crystallized. You know, and I think um you sometimes you wonder like what happens to people like Kate left the show and then you can see her on Instagram being happy with her little baby and just doing other TV shows and just doing so well. or you know, you see Hannah doing well, happy with her family, and you know, obviously we still keep in touch with her and she's so happy and great. And then you see Ben and he's like, "Well, my life still sucks. I've basically [ __ ] up every opportunity that I've had. So, I'm back.

I'm back. I've been sleeping on a couch for the past two months cuz I got dip dumped by the the woman I was trying to trick into marrying me. And I'm back. Here I am, bitches." And I'm more hateful than ever. And I loved it. He's like, "I give me someone to abuse in the kitchen." I wish it wasn't Alysia because I like her. And she didn't do anything that bad, you know, but she's working for Ben who's so picky and arrogant and it's just and he's so condescending and just downright rude to her that it's like, "Oh,

gosh." It's not even like It's not even like you're seeing this like relationship decay. It's not like they started off friendly and then it and then it starts off already with him just destroying her and and he destroys her in the way that I expect chef to destroy their sue chefs. You know, I like like he is someone who I could imagine being on top chef cuz he has that vibe of like, okay, you have jumped into the lion's den and like the battle starts now. I'm going to start hazing you right now. But also like I think he thought that she had some skills about her. Um and like the very first test is about like beans and he says pull the black beans and she pulls red beans and he's like there's a red bean silly silly goose. Silly very stupid goose. Oh my god. I'm stuck with this girl.

But by the end he's like honey get this sweetie. Come on sweetie. Come on sugar tits. You could do better than this. I was like oh no. This is going to be a long ride. It's going to be

I don't think she's gonna make it. I think she's going to quit. I I actually do not think we're going to get too many episodes with her.

But then we see the season, you know, trailer and Ben is just a monster. I mean, he's sleeping in the guest cabin every night. He's like bringing people back. I mean, it's not good. So, can they fire him? Like, is he too famous to fire Are they paying him too much to fire him mid-season? Because wow.

Yeah. I don't I really don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. And I like that Captain Jason is more vacant than ever. I mean, Captain Jason really does have a lost look in his eyes. He in the first couple of seasons with Asa, he didn't. But without Asia, he looks lost and he looks not nice. I'm going to say that he looks like he's not very nice is what the impression I'm getting. And he just lost. I think he looks a lot like maybe his eye his eyes say coma. You know, like if someone's in a coma and their eyes are just like staring off into space,

that's what he looks like. Are you there? I want to flash lights. You know, there's a vacancy. A vacancy. Um it's sort of reminiscent of those um it's like

it's like Rosie on the Jetsons except like um Sexy Captain Edition, right? He just sort of comes in but the eyes just sort of the unblinking eyes that just sort of stare or you know just just coming through and then

you know when babies Have you ever met one of those babies that just doesn't know how to look at anything yet? They're just like kind of dumb because they're little, you know, and they're just like they just kind of like look off like that.

And occasionally you'll get them their mom's like, "Oh my god, he's smiling." And the baby's like it's like like just a twitch.

I mean, I call that Whitney Rose face. [gasps] Well, yeah, kind of like that. So, um, okay. So, there's our preamble. So, here we go. 14. Oh, season 4. Season 4, episode one, The Real Housewives of Down Under. Ying runs on leadership, teamwork, and respect. And that starts at the top. And I can't have what happened last year with my heads of department and each other. There's no room for chaos. Everyone needs to know their role. I don't want any arrogance. Which is why I got Ben and J. Like, wow. I know. Wow. Three people who famously get along so well with other people on a ship. Daisy, Ben, and Jo. What could go wrong?

[clears throat] He's like, "Ben, I don't micromanage, but I do have high standards. I don't expect just good. I want exceptional." Because, by the way, Jason is like, "It's night time." And he's like walking through this path that looks like he just got eliminated on Survivor. And he sits down at this table and these three stars of the franchise are all there with him. And he's basically giving them a talking to. And the the underlying thing is listen, we brought the A team for this season. For some reason, we decided that Bravo wants to do a big push on down under. So, let's do it, but don't f let the little ones fought, which of course is never going to work.

No, it's never going to work. I like when he says he doesn't micromanage. You barely manage. What are you talking about? Captain Jason is like, Captain Jason, someone someone who's being beaten with a baseball bat, he'll be like, learn to manage it.

I'm here to tell you to learn to manage this yourself. Like, come on. So, um, he's like, that's why I brought you all here together, Ben. I don't micromanage, but I do have high standards. All right. I don't just expect good. I want good, but exceptional, but also from a voice of someone who's kind of like WC Fields, but British. Can you give me that? He's like, oh, I can.

I've been cooking since I was four years old. And, uh, that's great. So, everyone who's looking for some Play-Doh for dinner, Ben's got you covered. And then Jason says, "Joel, you're a captain [clears throat] now."

That's why I serve everything Choo Choo style. Choo choo. Meatball coming in. Meatball coming in.

Joel, you're a captain now. And you've your stripes. And I want you to lead your team with structure and experience and the discipline that's required on deck. And please refrain from having to mention Zimbabwe every two seconds. Well, back in Zim, I would always tell people, I'm here to make it easy for you. As easy as possible, so easy. And I said, get over here, you cut fittes. I'm going to make it easy for you. So, get ready.

That should definitely be a rule. Jal, I know you're a captain now. Let's please refrain from calling women the seaw word.

All right, great. Good to have you back. Um, so Dual is like, "Yeah, I'm here to make it easy for you as possible, Chef. I mean, Captain." Well, Daisy, you're chief stewartist and you're the one to set the standard. I need attention to detail. I need professional lux luxury service. I need Asia's new haircut. Do you have you got that? Are you ready to come back with a bob?

I certainly do. I have all that. And I'm going to get I'm going to get right to the bottom of it. So Jason's like, "So you two haven't met yet, by the way." Um and Dave's like, "No, I haven't met." Sorry, this the pivot from all these accents all at once at one table is really messing me up. I just realized

crazy with Daisy's voice. I think this is the part where we just say um if you're here for realistic voices, it's not going to happen and we need at least six weeks before we know anybody's names or where they're even from. Until then, you're just going to get some crazy sounding [ __ ]

Yeah. So, enjoy. So Daisy's never met Ben before, but Ben has worked with uh and so Jay's like, "All right, well, you guys are the best of the best."

That's Well, she said she's worked with Ben. No. Yeah, she she looks at Ben and she's like, "Yeah, we've worked together before." And um Ben's like, "Yeah, it was Captain Sandy a long time ago."

I think that does, you know, it honestly doesn't matter. And so Jason was like,

he was talking about Oh, okay. Okay. I got confused because I was like, when did work with Captain Sandy?

I know. That's the thing. It's like, I never worked for Cath Captain Sandy because I was on a sailboat. That was trash in itself. So then Jason says, "Well, you guys are the best of the best. That's why I brought you guys all here. And there's no room for egos, even though you were specifically cast for your egos." Yeah, we got to blow this one out of the park. All right. What are you looking at? You. No, you're not. I'm right here. You're looking over there. It's like, uh, so, uh, now we see the gigantic yacht and Jason, guys, Jason's thing is a disco hat crashing into docks and fish. He loves fish. He always has like now, now that's his thing. He's always going to have some fish that he probably kills by the end or they're probably dead by the end or he just throws over the edge because these are new fish. They're not the same.

They've got a tank that's not covered in green algae, which is a great improvement for now. We'll see. We'll check in on that tank over the course of the season. Of course, this is Blow Deck Down Under. Um, home of magnificent fish b-roll. I personally, for this premiere episode, since it was such a big one, we had the housewives. I did not pause and do a Fish Report, you know, note. I didn't I I was I didn't do that necessarily, but I did observe some wonderful new additions to the uh Fish Report cannon. Um, did you notice any that caught your eye, Ronnie?

I just noticed that they were there and they have the best photography on the show. The fish get the like the best glam. They have the best glam team.

They really do. I mean, we saw we saw classics like the clown fish, who we hate, totally overrated and winds up getting a lot of screen time just because of Finding Nemo, but we actually don't think the clown fish has inherently earned the right to be like the cutest fish on below deck. Although it is nice seeing this year that the clown fish has a guitar and then like a little cartoon version of himself that criticizes him.

And then other fish like don't even see that fish as a sexual object. And then um uh there was an octopus which was great. But honestly for me the fish that I remember the most there was actually a beautiful little sea turtle just just grazing. Um, but for me, the one to look out for this season on Below Deck, who I think is going to be a real breakout star, and I mean that quite literally, it's a starfish. There was a big old starfish in the middle of the episode. A starfish just was laying on its back and just it just laid there for about 5 seconds of screen time while stuff happened above it. Like, it was like people were cleaning and Daisy was looking for a towel and someone was wiping down a surface and they just had that starfish down below just laying out there. And I was like, I think this is going to be the year of that starfish, so keep an eye on.

So, it was laying on its back. That's not like a starfish. It was just like it was it's a pervert star.

No, I'm sorry. It was I'm sorry. I should say it was it was laying appropriately, but because the angle of the camera, normally when you see a starfish, they shoot it like direct on like like uh you have a direct shot of the starfish and you see it like in a full starfish mode, but this time they had the camera on the side, so it looked like the starfish was like suntanning even though the starfish was doing the normal starfish thing. It wasn't flipped over or anything.

Oh, yeah. I thought it was like flipped over like cornholeing everybody and I was like, "What a pervert."

No, no, no, no. The starfish has decency. Yeah. Okay. You know, I've always been jealous of starfish because they die and then they look exactly the same like 20 years later. Like, they're still hot. You don't even have to bury a starfish. People literally collect dead starfish. Like, isn't this pretty?

They put them in their homes. They're like paper. It's a dead They're true artists. They're They're more They're appreciated more when they're dead.

to have the Botox ladies that the starfish have. It's amazing. Whatever they're doing to themselves, they look great. Um, so Captain Jason is talking to his goldfish and he's like, "All right, we're going to have to rename you guys this year." I see you. I see you sexually harassing somebody. That's good. All right. Daisy's just poking her head out at the moment, thinking about a bob. We'll see what happens. And this is Ben. Wow. Look at Ben. Don't really know what to say to him, but not very creative with my names this year.

But uh yeah, I I am still awake and it's been more than five minutes on this show, so give me a little credit, will you?

This season we're in Canowan and I cannot be more excited. Or should I say I cannot be more excited. That was a pun. It's an exclusive location. So exclusive that um I never even heard of it before. To get here as a mission, you have to charter your own plane. And cuz this is where the the high-end people want to be. It's got the it's got the largest reef change in the chain in the Caribbean. And it's the perfect place for some snorkeling. There's a lot of sea life. And we're on we're down under in the Caribbean. So, you know, it's sort of down underish, you know. So, I guess that works. And I'm Australian.

So, you see the branding still works if you think about it. Listen, it just works. I'm Australian. Down under is wherever I am. That's so philosophical. It sounds like a beer commercial. Wherever you are, that's down under. Jason,

beer is wherever I am. Yeah. So, Kadawan, a very exclusive enclave. That's where all the high-end people are, which is why um Whitney, a failed Alibaba repurposer, is going to be arriving very shortly. So, uh, Daisy and Jo, by the way, I'm not dissing Canowan. I I feel like like I I'm taking You're really coming for Canon.

I really am. Like, why am I doing this? I have no issues with Canowan. It looked beautiful.

Yeah. What can do? I have just issues with Jason Jason pitching it as like this high-end place, which I'm sure it is, but like now it's been destroyed because it's not like City Women are arriving.

Now, we have a group uh entrance to the boat, which we don't get. I mean, maybe they're trying to do a, you know, kind of a thing like they did with Fraser's season this year where they're like, "Let's go to dinner first. Let's talk about everything. Let's hang out and then let's, you know, have glamour arrivals." But we get um Joel, Ben, and Daisy walking up to the boat and talking about how big and beautiful it it is. And Joel's like, "I love a boat with big girthy." Oh god. Here we go. Here's Joel version 5.0.

That's right. Dabber. And then Ben says, "It's been about six years since I've worked on a yacht, but you know what? The stars have aligned, my little darlings, and I am here, and I am back, and I am really enjoying my freedom these days. I have a successful catering company. Let me just lean back a little bit in my chair. However, my personal life has not been quite as successful. But about a week ago, I did bump into Captain Jason when I knocked at his door and said, "Please give me a job. I'm desperate. Things are going terribly for me." And uh took took him to lunch at the Outback State House, you know, because Australian and now I got a job. So, here we go. Going backwards in my life.

Would you trust a chef that took you to the Outback Steakhouse? I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I would not. Well, I think like I don't know if I would, but if I were Jason, I'd sure Jason's like, "Well, I'm Australian. I take me to an Australian restaurant." He really say,

"You didn't have to bring me to an Australian restaurant, mate, because Australia is wherever I am."

Well, he needed a chef. I needed an escape. And I thought, why not? In essence, we saved each other. This could be the perfect little distraction, you know, just a little goodness in my life.

Oh, no. This is going to You're going to make this miserable for everybody. I'm so glad they brought you back, you little dark cloud of hell. I can't wait.

It is appropriate that Ben's on the show because he does sort of look like that mora eel that they showed a lot last season. If you really look at his face, he's got kind of like Moa eel qualities, you know. So now um people come in. Joel gets his um apparently gigantic nipple caught on the automatic door. Um and um Daisy is they have like gift bags or something.

Um right. Do you know in Zim they call it a zipple not a nipple? Nimbabwe. Nimbabwe. So, they have like gift bags with uniforms uh from liquid yacht wear. Yeah.

Don't I have enough water? Why you got to name it liquid? I'm surrounded by this [ __ ] Name it towel. Name it like towel yachtware.

I feel like I want my yacht wear to be called super dry yacht wear because I feel like if I'm wearing clothing that's wet on a yacht, my boat's sinking. Right.

Well, I'm going to come up with a deodorant called drippy deodorant. Like, who wants that? Nobody wants that. You want to be kept dry. Okay.

Yeah. Liquid diapers. Well, my last four seasons on Parival had so many ups and downs. I'm really ready for a clean slate and a boat that's not on its side all the time. And we see uh flashbacks of Daisy's greatest hits for all. It's probably for all the people who've never watched Blowtech Sailing, which is too bad because that was a messy, crazy show. And Daisy says, "I'm looking forward to a new phase in my life. I got new hair. I'm looking forward to a new crew. I'm looking forward to a boat that doesn't trash itself every time it hits the open water. And we see uh we see parcel everything falling off the shelves at all times on that.

Yeah, she like no thank you. Um yeah, I love this montage of Daisy just freaking out over the tiniest little things. Uh she really is so like a basket case, you know? It's like Daisy. Uh hey Daisy, I just wanted to ask you maybe you know they they wanted a little pasta this evening. She's like pasta pasta pasta. That's all they ask for. Am I not doing enough on this boat? Nobody respects me. No, I got to get pasta, too. Nobody respects the thing I'm doing. Honestly, I am so excited for a Daisy season. I really need a Daisy season because, you know, Asia is so nice.

Like, we always everyone loves Asia. We love Asia. Um, but Asia is like nice and then Fraser is just kind of like generic almost like he doesn't really yell at people. He's not he's not really nice. He's not really mean. He's just like British and withering. And that's f that's fine. But I feel like below deck is really at its best when you have a chief stew who does not take any BS. Um although I actually don't believe Asa takes any BS, but she handles it in like a oh no, unfortunately I can't do that for you way. And like I love the tradition of the Kates and the Hannah's and the Daisies of like, why are you doing that? What do you think you're doing? It's the interior. Don't mess with me, you know?

Well, she's not really like that with interior. She's more like I mean she's I guess she's a little more like that with the interior but she does take a lot of crap from the men the boats or she at least falls in love with them which she will pick the worst man and fall in love with that man and it's so disappointing to see her making out with Jo later and like actually having a thing with I mean come on

you know the uh yeah the the Gary and Jo record is a real bad one. That's a real mention. I mean going from Gary and being like and there were a lot of hints like you know I'm used to these douchebags on the boats or there's like kind of that attitude and then just and I was behind you. I was like good finally we get a Daisy season without a douchebag dragging everything down and they're like no you know what let's put Daisy with Joel. It's like if [snorts] a person plays a villain one time on TV then they have to play a villain every single time. They're like well we know they know how to do it. He played a terrorist last time. Just have him play a terrorist again. Okay. We're in the pioneer days. I don't know, call him something else, but make sure he's a terrorist and someone. And Daisy's kind of like that. They're like, "We guys, we've got Daisy. Let's give her a new chance and a new plot line." They're

like, "Nah, give her Daisy." People want to see Daisy go crazy with a douchebag. Just do it. Type cast.

I'm a little I'm a little worried that they're grooming Joel to take over a new franchise of Below Deck because now he's a full-fledged captain and they've mentioned it several times like he's a captain now. He's a captain, right? I mean,

yeah, they're saying it a lot. That that would be something fun for Bravo to do being, you know, like here's Jah. He's a captain. I mean, you had Eddie who I think is a captain, but like of a tugboat, so like whatever. But like Jah I think they're greeting him.

Wasn't Collie like a tugboat person? A tugboat captain or something? You're doing great. Callie,

you're the captain of your mother's heart. I love you, Collie. Come to dinner. Um, so Jason is giving Joelle his team's info. He's like, "Here's your crew. Mike's a dick stew. It's up to you guys to manage him and your team and work together. Please do something about his hair. I'm I'm requesting that right now." We see a picture of Mike and he has aquadetted that hair. I don't know what's happening. It's a comb over, a comb back, it's a it's a candle head. I don't know what's happening.

I was trying to think I was trying to think of what does his hair look like? And like the best I could do is it looks like a video projector. It looks like one of those things, you know, like you set it up and you can see something on your wall, but it's made up as hair, you know? It's like

I think it looks like the heat miser. The what? The heat miser. I'm Mr. Heat miser. I'm Mr. Blop.

You don't know who that is? He's from the Christmas movies. Here, look. I'll put a picture of him. I'll put him a picture. He's from those um he's from those Christmas movies we saw those claimation movies, you know. Hold on.

Hold on. I'll put him up on the screen so people I think he looks like it looks like he's got one of those like news boy caps but it's made of his own hair. Like his hair is

he's a heat miser. I feel like he's got a calzone on his head but it's his own hair.

No, calzone is delicious and like it's a normal shape. His hair is um it's like an Olympic torch representation made from hair.

It's like he's wearing a yurt, but the yurt is his own hair and it's a small yurt that fits his head.

Okay. Okay, I can see that. A yurt. It's a little too round, though. It looks like

What is it? It's like I think it looks like comb over hair. You know how guys will do if they're going balding in the front they'll try and do like a big comb over to hide the bald spot. But his is like doing that from every angle of his head. So it's like coming coming up coming to the sides coming from the front but then somehow not really standing up in one uniform. It's disturbing. It's disturbing. And when we talked about it in our preview or or in the Salt Lake City recaps when we first saw him, people were like, "Oh no, that's where he's from." people, the guys there like are really into hairspray and buffons, whatever whatever you call this hair.

They're like that's like you shouldn't even make fun of that because that's like regional. Well, I'm sorry, but give give note to the re take note to the region. Stop this. Stop it.

It's it's like a wine glass filled with some red wine and then he made hair out of it, but only the wine part and not the top part of the glass.

Yeah. Okay. It's like when when your little sister gets cotton candy and it's only hers, but then you grab a big chunk of it and you're like trying to run away with it and you're running with this thing of broken cotton candy.

It's like someone took a a big shoe and turned it upside down and put it on his head and he turned his hair into that.

It looks like when cats throw up. Have you seen like cats throw up a hairball? He's got to stop it. And also he's pairing that hair with the eyebrows which he's done the 90s Pamela Anderson like tweeze all the way into little tiny sticks and then he colors them as well. It's just so much happening and he's he talks the whole time like I'm Sah I'm Sah like so sexy who who we going to hook up with I guess and it's like what

no one is [ __ ] you with those eyebrows. Yeah, he's got the B Midler cheeks, you know, that sort of like that like rise up into the eye area a little bit, you know? So, he's got like this strange geometric hair with B. Midler B. Midler cheeks and then those eyebrows. And it's just like a lot of visual things happening all at once, you know?

It's a lot. And you know, it's not nice to make fun of someone's visuals, but like in this case, it's you know, it's making someone it's making fun of someone's work. You know what I mean? And I think that that's fair cuz it's not like he was born bad, you know? He's like a cute guy or whatever. He's just it's everything he's doing. And I think I think that we're allowed to judge that. Yeah. I mean, there's there's no higher compliment than saying you have B. Midler upper cheeks, but definitely the hair thing the hair thing is is definitely a choice. Like it's almost like he has he has hair that is supposed to be kind of like shoulder length, but he's like falling from a building and so the hair's all going up instead.

He's falling from a building. That's a good way to put it. Yeah, he looks [clears throat] like he's falling. He's just dropping from a building.

That's a good way to put it. Or standing over a really strong subway. Great. This hair is doing Marilyn Monroe.

I'm trying to get my dress to do it, but my hair is doing it instead. Um, so then, um, Daisy gets the stew resumes or the CVs as they're called. And Jason's like, "Here's your ghouls. You've got Jenna and Joe. Show them the ropes and, uh, show them the way and please don't bother me. I'll I'll be in my room." And Daisy's like, "I know a Dex Stew always kind of falls under some reason, you know, are you going to be fully managing him or is he going to come more interior?" Because Mike is going to do both. He's the Dex Stew, so he's going to be going back and forth.

So, they're going to be confounded by his hair outside and inside. I feel like he'll catch things outside with his hair and he'll bring them inside for the interior to be worked with.

So, Jo is like butterflies. Like butterflies will just get stuck in there. Be like, "Wait, you have a butterfly net. You have butterfly net hair. That's what it is."

Like, from what I can see, it'll be more interior. This interior is massive. Almost as big as Zim. So, what I'm thinking is that we could use him in the morning, give him some space in the afternoon to rest, and then you can use him in the evening, and by that I mean I'll use him all day long. Thank you very much.

You'll mostly get him except for the 18 hours that I need him. And so, Jah, we get Jah's story. He's like, I started in Zimbabwe yaching eight years ago and I feel like I now have a great reputation. Where? With who?

Zim. I mean, I've had to kind of make up for my bad reputation, but I've grown up now. I'm grown up. And ask me if I'm going to take a take a position as an officer on any other boat. I wouldn't. I'm a captain. I've got a license. I'm a big boy now. I've got a license to drive any vessel under 3,000 gross ton. And I do. But Jason, he's like a big brother to me. And he's on television. And I He's a mentor, and I trust him. And I believe I can learn more from him. Like for instance, how to crash a boat into a dock. which I did learn when I found out he was having dinner at the Outback and I went to meet them, but Jason crashed his boat into the Outback Steakhouse. This is still my favorite. My favorite captain intro when they're like, "Hey, I'm Captain Jason. Here's the restaurant I crashed into." He's like, "Yeah, that was a rough one."

So, uh, Daisy introduces herself to Mike. She's like, "Hello, I'm D. What's your possession?" He's like, "Well, I'm usually top, but sometimes I'll do bottom." He's like, "No, no, no. It's 2026. Do I have to choose? It's like Dixie. And she's like, "Oh, you're dex. Love it. I'm Daisy. I'm your chief stew and your new nightmare." Mike's like, "Oh, pleasure. I'll be reporting to you." Yeah. She's like, "Yeah, and you're going to be under my team, so you better watch out."

Uh, so now we see Jenna and Joe. They arrive and they're like, "Oh my god, Joe. Jenna. Jenna and Joe. Oh my god. Wow. You're stunning. You're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. Yeah, you're both stunning. They don't cast ugly people on this show unless you're a male.

No offense to any of the men. Yeah, but true. So then, uh, Mike and Ben and Daisy are in the galley and Daisy introduces Mike to Ben and and Mike Mike's voice is is I don't know what part of England he's from. I don't know. Is that like a Scouse accent or whatever, but it's very, you know, it is hyper regional and we've heard it before. And he's like, I I can't even do it. But he's like, "I'm a bit of a chatter box, mate. Oh, I'm I'm the I'm the big loud outgoing character." And he Daisy's like, "Well, we'll put you in front of the guests. We'll entertain them. They'll look at your hair and be on trans for hours." Oh, 100%. I'm an entertainer.

I worry about people who describe themselves that way. Let me describe you that way. You know, don't describe yourself that way. So, what do you like? Super entertaining. God, everybody loves me. I'm the life of the party. Hey, you want some smiles? You better send me out there. That's what I do. I make him smile. I'm always entertaining. Shut up. This This kid This kid needs to just go to theater camp and a haircut and a barber shop. So Jenna and Joe were talking about where they're from. Jenna's from South Africa. Joe's from Montreal. Jenna's a steartess. Joe's like, "Me, too." They're like, "Oh my god, you're stunning. No, you're stunning. No, you're stunning." So Daisy uh is introducing everybody and then we see another Eddie. Wait, is this Eddie? What was the other guy's name? Mike. Uh

oh. Mike and Eddie. Okay, so Eddie. Okay. Yeah, Eddie. Eddie. Wait. Oh, new Eddie. New Eddie with Okay. Yeah. New Eddie with the body image issues. Yeah. So, he comes around.

So, is he short? He looks tall, by the way. Tall. I think Eddie looks tall. I think he looks tall, but he's he talks about how he he's traumatized from being short, so I'm not sure. Oh,

yeah. Yeah, he said he was little, right? That's Imagine if like that he has like a very severe case of body dysmorphia that like can be easily disproven. Like the one case of body dysmorphia that can be disproven by actual measurements. And he's like, I'm just so short. What do you mean I can't ride this roller coaster? They're like, but you can. No, I can't. It says you have to be above this line. You're literally above this line. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

Stop gaslighting me. Love it. Are you trying to get me? Are you trying to have me thrown from a roller coaster? Cuz I'm not even tall enough. I could die if I rode that thing.

Sir, you're three times the height you need to be to ride this. I'm going to die before I ever see Space Mountain.

Um, by the way, I think we should mention that Mike um with the hair has an Only Fans account or at least had one when he showed up on Salt Lake City. Uh, several people messaged us to say, "Hey, Mike has an Only Fans account." And so I went to go uh look him up. First of all, he his hair on Twitter, his hair looks different and much better. He looks much better on Twitter than he does on this show. He's definitely had like an improvement. But

are you looking at him right now? I see um the screen flashing on your eyes. Send it to me. I'm going to let

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can see you can see that how my my face like there's like a bright light on my face. Okay. I'm going to send it to you.

Um but there's it looks like he's taken he only has two posts on Twitter and it looks like he took everything down. So this may include potentially sensitive content. Yes. I mean, how many times do I have to say yes to that? Yes. Show me the porn. There used to just be the button you press that says just show me the porn. Oh yeah. So he's like shirtless and holding a

a folder in front of his wiener. I mean, yeah, he looks better now. His hair is just like stupid teenager hair all pushed forward, you know, like broccoli hair. But that's better. That's definitely better. Okay. X.com Mike Durant. Oh yeah. Wait, it's age restricted. Okay. Login. Oh god, I have to log in.

This too much. Did you log in? You're already logged in. Oh, on Twitter. No, no, he just said I said okay and then it just took me on. So his only fans is called Mike Bears all.

So Oh, he says, "I used to take my clothes off on national TV and after popular demand, I've decided to show even more of myself on here." Oh, I wonder if he was on that nude show on in England. You know, there's that that show that

Oh, yeah. He's on a show and he's nude. I see him right here. His dingling and everything. Wow.

You have to sign in. Yeah, he's definitely he's definitely cuter naked. Yeah, much better. Good for him. Good for him.

Okay. Well, there you go. I don't know, you know, about if he has an only fans. I can tell you one thing. He for sure has confidence.

Yeah. And hairspray. He has only hair right now. Blow deck. Only hair going only up.

Everybody has an only fans now. We're really behind the times. I know. I think it's time I think it's time to put these moves to work. Come on, baby.

Yeah. I don't know if anyone needs to see my skinny fat body to be honest. I don't think it's

Listen, it takes all types. Takes all types. So, um Ben is um Ben's telling Jo, "Calm down, mate." Cuz he met the girls and they're cute, of course. And so Ben's like, "Oh, this bike is a shock to everyone, but I'm actually single." The fact that you were engaged comes as a shock. He says in our notes, it says, "Fairly recently, I broke up with my fiance having spent 50,000." I thought he said $15,000 on a wedding. And I was like, "That's why she left you. $15,000. Where you getting married? The In-N-Out?"

Yeah. The Outback. And uh he's like, "I spent 15 $50,000 on a wedding I didn't attend. It's odd when your future's been solidified for it all to vanish into thin air. Yaching has a very large part of my was a very large part of my formative life and it's actually nice to come back to it to come crawling back to it to know that you failed in all other arenas and now you have to go take a lowly job that you thought you were long past but you're not cuz you're not good enough and to all your friends from boarding school.

Ah boarding school drama go on and do wonderful things with the aristocracy. I'm here in the galley cooking trumpets for stupid people and dealing with idiots all around me.

So, when it came to the option of Kate's couch or a boat, I chose the boat. You know, they say that to get over someone, you have to get under someone else. So, I My new girl is Kina. I will be [ __ ] the boat. Literally [ __ ] the boat for the rest of the season.

That's why sticking it in every nook, every cranny I can find. That's why I literally waited to get go on to blow deck down under so that way I could get under someone.

Yeah. So Daisy and Jenna are in a cabin and making small talk. Where are you from? South Africa. I'm Cape Town. Well, you don't sound very South African. And she's like, well, um, I'm so a she's like, I'm so happy I don't. She makes a really thick accent. She's like, I'm so happy I don't sound sound. Um, and she's like, what? So, see, that's how I could sound, ma'am. So, Jenna is a hottie. And she's like, "It's expensive to be Jenna. I mean, I work hard so I can provide for myself. I love a luxury lifestyle." So, she's one of these who's like, "I I do it for the Birkens.

I clean toilets so I can look fancy on Saturday night, baby." I love this this bucket of uh stews or or yacht workers um on below deck. the the ones that are like, "I love a luxury lifestyle. I got into yaching cuz you meet some of the top 1% and you surround yourself with the people you want to be, who you're associated with, and that's who you're going to become." Like, lady, you are cleaning up vomit from tech bros who don't give a [ __ ] about you right now. This is not the way to ascend into the higher ranks of society.

Well, you know, you got to meet him to to beat him, I guess. So, this is a way this is a way to go and beat him. I mean, that's the same reason I volunteered to sell 10-centent hot dogs at the Diablo's game one time. It's like, I'm going to meet those 1enters, selling them 10-centent hot dogs. It didn't work. I was a waiter for the next 30 years. But anyway, so she's like, "Yeah, I do it all for the Birkens." And um Jenna and her talk about how they how long they've been doing this. Jenna asked Daisy how long she's been doing it, and she's like, "I'm in my 13th year." And she's like, "Wow." And then she tells us, "I'm not scrubbing toilets until I'm 30." What the [ __ ] That's terrible. So, now we have Batul, who walks on the boat. I really like her. She's one of my my favorite newbies. And um she says, "I'm Turkish.

Batul means virgin, by the way." Uh yeah, my parents like they try to tell me something, you know, and every time they call me, it's like, "Hey, virgin. Hey, virgin.

[snorts] That's actually really funny. And I But by the way, just back to the other thing. Jenna is gonna get her ass handed to her and she deserves it. How dare you shame somebody for actually having years in experience. How dare you?

You get whatever you deserve. But being called like, "Hey, virgin is very funny.

Talk about inexperience." But I um yeah, Jenna's gonna be in she's she's in for a rough awakening because she's rolling her eyes at Daisy having had a 13-year career, which by the way, as careers go, that's not that long. And she's like, "Oh my god, 13 years." Uh and she's like hoping to basically be discovered by some guy on the yacht who will then whisk her off to Paris and she can live this elite fabulous lifestyle and it's just not going to happen. You're you're still the help. Okay. She's like dissing someone who's put 13 years of work in and is the star of a show for like the third season in a row. So,

I don't know. I'd watch who you're throwing the darts at, young. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, exactly. So, Batul says, um, I used to be Muslim in a strict religious family and in our culture, women are not seen or are not heard and it was pretty conservative, but I lost my virginity when I was 23 and in our religion, you must not do that. it as a really big sin and I realized I deserve to live a normal life which is why I'm now going to put myself into a bubble and sail around in the remote part of the Caribbean back to the normal life.

Yeah. [snorts] And she's deck and um she talks about leaving her house and she left everything and she's free. She is free. She's a strong independent woman. So get me a shammy and a rope. I'm out.

So then Eddie is asking how long she's been yaching and she's got a few years and he just started in May last year. So he's not been long and he's very insecure which we find out later. So I expect some tears from Eddie.

Yeah. He's like, "Yeah, I haven't been uh I haven't been yawning for a very long time and I'm sorry. Do you mind if I just get a stool? It's just so awkward just looking at you from down below, but you look taller than me." No, stop saying that. You just stop. Stop. You don't have to. I literally can see the boogers in your nose. Like I'm that much shorter than you. It's like what are you talking about? I'm basically a penguin. So then um this is my favorite part because Betu is named Batu. And she means Jah. And she's like what? He's like Jow. She's like Jonno.

And he's like no J. She's like oh Chu. I was like wow. I love Betu making fun of J. So funny.

Bet you and Jah. Bet J's like, "Oh, Betu, that stands for virgin, right?" Well, for such a virgin, I never thought you'd be such a [ __ ] Sorry, just uh old Jow just came out out of nowhere. Sorry about that. Anyway, I've grown. I've grown. I've grown.

I'm a different man now. I hope you don't mind that we call you Thunder Virgin. Thunder Cherry Cherry Pop. I don't know. I'll keep working on that. I'll workshop that. So, here comes Alicia and um she comes on board and she says hi to Captain Jason. She comes onto the boat through his office and he's like, "Well, you couldn't come in the conventional way." She's like, "Beanie, reporting for duty." He's like, "I don't get what beanie means, but welcome back. Thanks for having me. Beanie is just the it's the inside joke that I developed for while I was skiing. I guess I forgot to tell you about it, but anyway, beanie. I started calling myself beanie when I was falling in love skiing and forgot all about what beans were what

and then someone said I was wearing a beanie that day and I thought, "Oh my goodness, I don't remember putting a bean on my head." But apparently that's a hat to use. There's so much to learn out there. Now you're going to meet the chef. Let me tell you this. He paid for an awesome blossom and that's my kind of guy. So respect him, please. Cuz he knows what he's doing. He's English. He's got good banter. And in that galley, I can see you're going to have a great vibe. You know why banter? And that's what's really important from chefs is banter. So go down there right now and check out the banter. Let me tell you what's waiting for you. A blanket full of banter. Cuddle up with it. Banter a bit. Like say banter again.

So Lisia is like this season bring being back in the galley just gives me a lot of anxiety to be honest because at the end of last season I had all the ambition to go to culinary school but instead I did the claanes and homeland procedure where they zapped my brain and now I actually don't even know how to cook an egg. I've actually gotten worse and I was keen as mustard cuz you know mustard is so keen isn't it? And when I finished last season and then my mom was like why are you going to culinary school? Come off it Alicia. never going to be a chef. Let's just do something that you're good at. So, she pushed me down a hill and instead of tumbling like I normally do, my feet landed on skis and off I went.

[groaning] I really want to prove to my mom that I can do this. I'm starting with the frittata. So, she introduces herself to Ben and he's like, "Oh, hello. Just getting grips to this pl getting getting to grips with this place. How are you, honey?" And she's like, "Well, I'm not trained, but I am passionate." And he's like, "Well, we'll broaden your horizons a bit, I reckon." So, she was honest. Uh, and later he calls her out for this and says like she manipulated him somehow. But I think she was pretty honest.

That's Ben's fault for not understanding Gen Z language. Like that's Gen Z code for I watched a YouTube video about this and I think this is going to be my life and you have to respect my boundaries on this. So, um, yeah, he he he's the one who messed that up. However, that being said, she did do a whole season as a sue chef last year, and she seemed to be all right enough. I mean, her whole thing last season was that she was a space cadet, but she wasn't inapppt totally. She just was sort of like a basic cook, you know?

But Serena was a different totally different chef. I mean, Ben's very much like, I've been cooking since I was four. Everything is perfect, you know? He's very, you know, your your cuts have to be perfect, you know. And um Serena was like rustic.

So just make it good, you know, and she was good. She's a good chef, but her style is just a lot more hippie style than his.

Ben needs that douchebag sue chef that started last season who would put on his shirts in that weird way. You know that

that's what's crazy, right? Is that that guy would have worked perfectly with Ben. Ben would have [ __ ] loved that guy. And that guy would have respected Ben, not only because he's a man, but because he's got that like arrogance and also because he has the penis. Um, which is no, you know, small thing. I'm sure well

100% that guy would that guy responds to male arrogance very well. Like that would get him in line in a way that he would not he would not respect female arrogance, which is his own, you know, userie there, but um they would have actually been quite good together um in terms of

Yeah. And it was funny cuz that year started with a female chef being disrespected by the male chef and kind of being treated condescendingly and sexistly and then it's reversed this year.

Yeah. Oh, interesting. Interesting move. Interesting. So, um, now Jason calls for the preference sheet meeting. Charter one, the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And we hear the choir music.

And then it comes everybody looking terrified of the real housewives. Yeah. Jason's like, "Well, we've got Heather Gay and Whitney Rose and Meredith Marks and the whole chaos." You know, I met Heather in Sydney once. We uh shook hands and then she went and told everyone in the room that we just had sex. So, I don't understand what that's all about, but just be prepared. Yeah, she's doing that on this charter. Actually, I met Heather in Sydney once. Um I had her meet me at an outback steakhouse. I ended up leaving her there. So, this is going to be awkward.

You know, they're they're used to ultra quality, ultra rich, luxury, high standard. Just please put a stained mattress in Heather Gay's bed. That's what she's requested. And they've been on yachts before. They've traveled the world. Blah blah blah. They're going to come from a place. They want good service, etc. Get ready to make some sliders.

I know. Since when did the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City equate to ultra rich luxury high standard? I mean, the show takes place in a parking lot with dirty snow.

There was a season where they were walking down the street in front of like a Marshalls in the opening.

I mean, everything takes place in like like discount stores. Yeah, it's the lowest rent one. He's like, they've requested that we pull the boat over to a freeway shoulder so they can shoot a climactic scene. So,

so they're all like, "Oh my god, housewives, this is going to suck." And Daisy's like, "The housewives are notorious for being over the top. They argue. They expect nice things." And she's like, "Somebody's going to storm off. Somebody's going to cry. Somebody's going to throw a drink." Um, and yeah, I mean, she's right.

Yep. So, uh, now it's What are you complaining about? It's called Enjoyable Television, Daisy. Yeah. Okay. That's right, Daisy. So, uh, 23 hours until charter and, uh, Ben and Alexia and Alisia, sorry, imagine Alexia's there. Oh, well, you know, narcissism, right? I came here onto this boat to talk about narcissism. Get out of my galley.

I heard that it's a housewives. I heard that it's a housewives one, so I'm going to be here. That's right. I'm here. Like, Miami never gets, you know, like no respect. So Ben says he's he's talking to Alicia and he's like, "The housewives are notoriously aorious." And Lisa's like, "But at least there's not too many of them." I'm like, "It's literally like eight women coming on the boat." Alicia. Um, so now Daisy's asking Jenna how long she's been. She's been here um two years on private boats. And uh Joe uh never has done a super yacht. So the work is cut out. the work is cut out for her.

And Joe's, we don't really have to pay too much attention to her because she's like, I grew up in Canada. I was cool. And she leaves in two seconds,

right? Isn't she the one who leaves? This is the the 5 seconds of backstory we get from her. Uh, which is that she was from Canada and then she ran away to the Bahamas and she got a fake ID once and she partied. And that is the beginning and the end of Joe's entire arc. She also sold fake IDs, which I actually respect because that's hard. That's an art form.

Yeah. Making those things look real. It's not easy. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, Daisy's like, "Mike, Mike, guess while Mike is like, before I got here, I was learning origami swans. Like, I was doing hospital corners."

I was like, "If you make the side of the bed look like a swan, I will oddly respect that.

I'll dig off into it." Uh, so she gives Jenna the second stew uh position because she's got more experience. Uh, but it's still not very much and I'm worried for all of them. And uh, Ben's like, "Do you think we should do crew dinner?" Uh, I'll bust it out with you. So, here we go. The first test crew dinner. Yeah. And Daisy's like, "Does anyone know the real housew City?" Like, yes. It's our first chart of the season and I think it's going to be fun but act. And Mark is like the housewives of Salt Lake City. To be honest, I don't mind myself a little cougar. I just have been a little bit of devilish having a flirtat being a little naughty and cheeky. I'm here to provide a service and me giving him a good time is providing service.

They like, "All right, well basically whatever the gist is, whatever the guest wants, the guest gets. Okay, get the guest what they want."

Um, so they're getting the boat ready. Mike's making small talk with Jenna as they make a bed and he's they're talking about the housewives being crazy. And then Alicia Alisia is like, "Hey, did you you wanted the black beans, right?" And he's like, "Yeah." I said, "We don't have any." She's like, "All right, well, they're the same things. Can we use these black beans?" And he's like, "Those are red beads. They literally say red.

They're the color red. They're titled red. You know that he doesn't like her because if he liked her, he would have called her rabbit, but instead he called her goose. So, good luck to you, Alisia. Wrong animal. And now Mike and Jenner are still talking and Mike's already like, "Oh, so what's your type, huh? What type do you usually go for?" And she's like, "Um, somebody older. Um, not in yaching, never heard of hairspray. Back away. Back away."

Someone who looks like they're walking on the ground, not falling to the ground. He's like, "Okay, well, I guess that's me out of the question. I feel like I should behave myself to be honest. I can be a bit of a threat. And she's like, I'm the same, just not with you. Again, the hair really distracting. Really distracting.

No. And he's like, yeah, having the opportunity to work on Kina Dex definitely feels more in tune with my outgoing personality. I'm an outgoing guy. So, he talks about joining the British Royal Navy straight out of college. And uh he's an engineer and um he doesn't like working in an engine room cuz it's like a prison guys and it can get quite lonely, boring. And the last place he wants to be somewhere lonely and boring when he can be on the top deck entertaining the masses. Yeah, he's just going to go and he wants to be up there and he's like I'm this little Jack in the Box. I'm a Jack in the Box. He's also not afraid to Jack in the box. And I'm just trying to get out.

Get out and someone just let me find me. Discover me somewhere that's free. Let's not free Willie, sir. I just looked at your Twitter. Okay. Keep your jack in the box. This is a professional environment.

That's right. That's right. So Jenna's like, "Oh, 100%. I've always been the flirt. Like on the night out, I'm always a flirt." He's like, "Oh, you're getting free drinks all night long, huh?" So they laugh. And then down in the galley, Ben is like, "So, I see us working a little bit more together than how you were with her face." And she's like, "Sorina, but what happens if I'm not good enough, Uncle Ben?" He's like, "I'm not worried about it." It's not a question of if you're not good enough, you already established as not good enough. I mean, red beans and black beans. So simple. So simple. I've had more sue chefs than I care to mention. A great sue chef can just handle the prep.

They know how to cook really well. They stay out of my way. They love what I call them, honey. And if someone has standards, I actually quite like that cuz my my priority is perfect food. Uh so he's saying like, you know, I'll teach her, but you know, she needs to be good. So then we go to uh Betu and Jenna and uh Batu is like, "So what's her name?" Jenna and again yours Batu. And she's like, "Beetroot like the fruit." And I love Batul goes, "Do you really think that do you really think that my name is Beetroot?" I like, "Well, sorry. So, what is your name?" Virgin.

But Beetroot, that's so funny. Could you imagine? I literally think my name is Beetroot. You [ __ ] nitwit.

You idiot. You idiot. Beetroot. Oh my god, that cracked me up. I was like, I love this girl. She's already like out front as one of my favorites.

So, now it's time to get ready for bed at the end of day one. And Eddie and Mike are sharing a room

and Mike is still talking about girls. I Mike's is it creep vibes? I don't I think it's the hair. You know what? I need to just get over it because it I it's it's judging someone for something. It's like hair bigotry and it's not fair. But right now, I'm getting creep.

I think you're of all the things we can make fun of is a bad haircut. like that is that is the most intentional thing, right? And we've already seen he's adjusted it. So that's it's all he's already he's already made it a little bit better. So I think go for it because the hair is just honestly too distracting. It's it's just it's wild.

It looks like it looks like a lotus flower, you know? And he's one of the Love Island types who comes on and is immediately like, "All right, who we hooking up with, guys? Who Who are you going to get? Who am I going to get? Uhuh. I'm with the girls. I'm working with the girls. I'm going to get one of the girls. Who are you going [clears throat] to get?" Ah, so keep it in your pants, buddy. So he's asking Eddie his type. And Eddie's like, "Well, it's tough because I've been single now for years, you know." And he's like, "Okay, but say for example, we're on a night out. You've got a chance." And he's like, "With this lot."

And he goes, "Yeah, with it this lot." He's like, "Well, one of them called me Beetroot already." God, that girl's really obsessed. All right. What would you typically go for? Let's talk about our bonas. And he's like, "Well, I like Alicia." Mhm.

So, um Eddie does the math or Mike does the math and he's like, "Well, there's five girls and there's four guys, so that means you're not getting laid." Not getting laid, Mike.

Yeah. Short guy always misses out. So Eddie Eddie tells us, um, "Growing up, I was really small. I was always the shortest at school. And for me, I was quite a late bloomer. So that just sucked. uh being at an all boy school where everyone's just like talking about like looking at me and and I got you know I'm I'm looking and I've got like the hair down everyone's got hair but I'm like I don't have hair yet and I just struggle with body image a lot like I just I just want to be a hairy tall person. But there was a moment that I was in rugby rugby changing room and I was just like wow look at all these guys. No one cares. They all have different shapes and sizes and hair and now we're all having sex. It's exciting and thrilling.

I was really insecure until one of the rugby guys slapped me in the face with his dong and told me to get the [ __ ] over it and then farted in my face. So, you know, I've gotten a lot more confident in myself and now I'm the first one who whips his tail off and gets in there like, "Woo, I'm naked now." Yeah, I forget. Was Eddie, where was Eddie from? I don't remember if he was American or British or somewhere else.

He's British. Um, so Eddie's like, "Okay, so you're just gonna screw the crew for the sake of a shag." Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of a sudden, come with God. Just go to bed. Leave me alone, you [ __ ] sex pest.

Yeah. Seriously. So, it's 8:00 a.m. 5 hours until the charter and everyone's getting ready and everything. And um we're in the galley and uh Ben is observing that Alysia is making a frittata, which what could go wrong? I mean, fittatas are a little bit of a fraught experience no matter what. even if you do know what you're doing. So Alicia going at it, you're like the fact that they're already highlighting this on the show, we already know something's going to go wrong, right?

And it's not just a frittata. It's a gigantic frittata, right? It's a crew. It's a crew mess feed frittata. It's too big

frittata. Everyone thinks eggs are so eggs are easy when you're cooking one or two or maybe three, but a whole pan of frittata, no. It's hard. It's hard, guys.

Yeah, big frittata is big danger. Jason gets a voice text from Heather that's like, "Hey, Jason. The sisterhood is boarding a charter plane. Hope you're ready for us. And keep your room open for late at night for when we [ __ ] around." As in just have a conversation. Keep your condoms ready. Heather gays on the way. I can't wait for you to be inside me with your wisdom.

Um, so now we cut back to Alicia making the frittata and she's like, "Fuck, [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Oh my god, mommy was right." And Ben comes in. He's like, "Oh my god, is it burnt? What's happening in here? What happened? Did you burn it?" And she goes, "Well, it was burning but also not cooking through. So what does that mean?" He's like, "How the [ __ ] did that happen? That's not exactly a great look. It is, is it, honey? Listen, babe. We can't use stainless steel pans." All right, honey bun. You need to use a nonstick. All right, sugar tits. All right, with eggs.

All right, just get it in the trash and start over again. Sweet peas. And for those wondering, Alysia is she she flips the frittata out of the pan on a big platter and of course like wet egg goes everywhere cuz somehow it is fully wet on the top but fully black on the bottom. I've never seen this. Like I know fittatas are hard but I've never seen this kind of aneptitude around one. I think she was just putting all the mix in there and then just letting it sit there and thinking it would cook through when you've got to stir stir stir, right? Don't you have to?

Yeah. I I think like also the stove top fittata is a bit harder like you have to cover it or but or like it should be an oven thing like Ben did, but I I don't know. Like she I think she had a high flame on or something or

I just felt bad cuz she was like, "You know what? I can do fittatas. Let's do that." He's like, "Okay, if that's what you can do, do a fittata." She's like, "Here we go. My master frittata."

And then it's like [ __ ] Should have listened to mom frittata. Just send that frittata down the ski slope. This is what we do.

Put that in the care package and send it to your mom for Mother's Day. Just say, "I should have listened, Mom."

And then in the m in the middle of this frittata chaos, Alisia winds up burning her hand. She's like, "Now I've just burned my hand. Oh, all the plates are [ __ ] hot. He's like, "Which ones?" "These ones." He's like, "Why are they hot?" He's like, "They were underneath. They're literally boiling." So he touches one. He's like, "Oh, all right. It's not that bad. Take an ad. It'll get better." He's like, "Come on, we're doing this." She's like, "I'm just going to use the toilet quickly." He's like, "Don't take too long, sweet, sweet face. Listen here, ass kinkle."

ass can't get. Honey Cankers, get in here, honey. Seriously though, he really needs to lighten up with his like sexist, you know, small talk in the kitchen. What the hell? Well, what's weird is that he's like actually trying to be lighthearted cuz he's he's sort of smiling and he's not we because we know when Ben gets angry, he's like, "Come on." And he like throws a towel here. He's sort of smiling and trying to be like in his mind he thinks he's actually being warm and paternal, but it just is creepy and condescending.

Yeah. So now, um, Alicia is crying in her room while everybody else is eating the breakfast that she kind of made. And she's like, I'm just so embarrassed, you know, cuz I'm insecure and maybe I'm having an identity crisis cuz not going to culinary school was a huge mistake, you know, but mom persuaded me cooking wasn't for me. And I found myself in Whistler, Canada, doing ski season, falling in love, and I just forgot about cooking. I've lost all sense of self. I need a career. I need a skill set. What am I doing?

You know, you don't have to go to culinary school, but you could like cook. You could you could go skiing during the day and then at dinner time you could cook something for yourself. like there's there were ways to sort of keep your, you know, to feed your literally feed your your interest in in this, but it sounds like she just started skiing and like did not even touch a kitchen for a year. So, uh,

I think they really liked her for the show and they were like, "Okay, well, we've got everybody we need. Um, but we like her. Just put let's have a sue chef." Like, but we never have a sue chef. Just she's she's cute. It'll be fun. She's she's got a good personality. Just put her in there. Although she did replace that arrogant guy. So, but anyway, I think they were just like, "We wanted her. Let's just" and she's like, "Well, I've cooked before. I have a microwave." And they're like, "Great." And so, you know, now we're seeing, you know, cuz by the end of the season last year, Serena was getting a lot of hate because, you know, she went a little loony in the kitchen and uh now we're going to see the difference like see what you had last year. You had nothing but pleasure last year compared to what you're about to get.

Yeah, that's exactly right. So, um, Daisy and Joe's bunk. Um, and there's a phone that's ringing. It keeps on ringing and ringing and ringing and people are getting into their whites and everyone's getting ready and there's lots of chaos. And, um, Eddie is talking to Mike and he's saying how he saw that Alicia was crying and Mike's like, "Who though? The only thing I heard is that she's banned at home." And Eddie's like, "But I wonder if Ben yelled at her." He seems like kind of the guy who might do that zen one moment and then just like I don't know. All chefs are just so scary.

That's one of the benefits of being short is when they throw a pan at your head, it just goes right over it.

So now it's 30 minutes till charter and the housewives are all getting in their van to go to the boat and Joe's dad calls her and they speak in French andun she crouches on the ground and we found out. I don't know, man. It's dangerous. I worry if I was on a deck a deck crew. I would be really worried about leaving my family because something every season happens to somebody's family member. It's like a weird lottery that happens on these boats that it's like, "Oh, you're taking a job on a yacht. Good. Enjoy the tips. We're killing your family. We're killing them."

There is a bit of a morbid streak. But yeah, um her grandfather is basically in the hospital and he wasn't doing well as it was and um he yeah, things are bad. So she finds out she's crying and Daisy's like, "Are you okay, Joe?" And Joe's like, "I'm really sorry, but I need to go." What's happening? It's a family emergency. My grandfather's really sick. Daisy's like, "Do what you need to do to go home. That's a-ok." Okay. Cuz you know, Daisy's seen her CV and sees that her only experience is working at a Hallmark store. She's like, "Get her out of here. Go be with your family."

Yeah. Um, and it just shows I could not be a manager. I just couldn't do it. I would be terrible. And I knew this working in restaurants. I had to kind of do it. Like I did head head waiter stuff or like have to train the waiters and stuff and I would just be like oh my god cuz anything I was like that's just an excuse you know they're like but I broke my leg. I'm like then get a roller skate you know and I used to be that guy who was like I came in here after getting LASIC. I literally could not see which I couldn't and I was literally dropping plates onto people's heads. It was not pretty. But I went to work anyway. And I'm like you should go to work anyway.

It's like your grandpa. And then she says like my grandpa was sick. He had cancer. He's every, you know, he's had cancer for a while. I'm like, then why did you come to work in the first, why did you take this job? I'm just not sensitive enough to do it.

Yeah. I would fire myself as a manager because I have no sensitivity. Be like, "Your grandpa, it's not like it's your dad. Get back to work."

You say that you're actually so sensitive and that's what's so funny is that you're like I would be like whatever. You were like the kindest and most sensitive person like, "Hey, baby."

Well, but when it comes to work and stuff, Not with you. You're my literally always like, "Babe, it's okay." So, um,

but you know how people are different at work. I mean, we work together, but we're, you know, we're friends. It's different. But I'm, yeah, I'm one of those people who's a little different when I'm waiting tables.

So, Daisy says, "I don't like seeing people upset. I don't like seeing people upset. I mean, look at me, Daisy. People pleaser. And I don't like seeing people struggle dealing with family stuff, unless they're just totally inept and they have no business being on the yacht in the first place, in which case have a good flight home because that would crush me. But at the same time, we have a huge charter coming up with the housewives coming, we're [ __ ] So

you are. But on the bright side, housewives don't eat a lot and all they do is talk and throw things at each other. So as long as you have fresh glasses of water, you're fine. And the thing is that like the housewives don't have to do the annoying flexes that the normies have to do on this show. So like when you have a normie coming on to the show, this is their moment to make a splash on America. So they'll be like, "Um, could you make my bed?" Okay. Uh, wait, can you Okay, sorry. It's been two hours. Can you take the sheets off? Can you make it again?

You know what I would really need? I need some gold leaf for my steak. Oh, you know what else could I get? Can I get some clams casino? Can I get some crab legs? Can I get some truffles? Cuz they need to like they're like, "Oh my god, I need to like have this moment." But the house apps are busy. They have to they have to just do their show. So they're busy with their own requests, like their own. They may request something to be ironed, but they're not going to be like fussy the way someone with a teeny tiny window of fame is going to be.

Well, they I mean they kind of are though because they they asked them to unpack them. Heather asked them to unpack them, right? I think it's Heather.

Yes. and and like Lisa makes some requests, but I'm saying that like there's some people who make the absolute craziest requests because it's like they're it's the first time that they've ever stepped into luxury

and they're acting like these ladies spend the whole year trying to impress us with their money. So, it's just like a random

They're more focused on each other, right? They're more focused on like oneupping each other than making a splash on Below Deck.

Yeah. So, Daisy tells uh the captain that that that girl's leaving and they're just going to have to deal with it. So he announces to the crew that this is going to happen and they have to help each other and stuff like that. And now the housewives are here. And Andre's like, "Oh my god, it is so beautiful. We are in Greece. I am Greek." This is not Greek. It's not Greece.

Look at this beautiful boat. I can't wait to puke on every inch of it. Yeah. So now, um, they meet up with the ladies. Ladies, we're going to get you nice and well acquainted to the boat with Daisy and we're going to cruise around for about an hour and hopefully you get wet. I mean, we're going to get you in the water. Why did I say it like that? And Heather's like, "Captain Jason."

Did you notice that Heather yelled out every single line she yells it and she's like, "Horse." Because she's yelling. She's totally horse.

Yeah, I noticed that. Her voice is like crackly and um uh cuz she's doing too much. She's doing too much. So now people are getting drinks and Lisa is like, "Oh my god, I love a good greeting with a cocktail. I love this. Is this Vita tequila? Does this kind of want to have Vita tequila? Oh my god, we're international now. Wow, I only drink my own."

Um so now they're getting drinks and they're getting margarita shots and Britney's like, "Oh my god, your name is Mike. I love your accent. I love it. Were you named after the phone? The microphone? No, it's Oh, you're named just Mike. Wow.

So, Jason, just sing into your head. It does look like it's something. You know what? His hair sort of

looks like a fuzzy mic. Those fuzzy ones, you know, they use in the field or like a makeup brush, right?

Yeah. you know. Yeah, really. There's so many It can go in so many different directions. Pumpkin, it's like a hair pumpkin.

Okay, so Jason um he checks in on Joe. He's like, "You're doing the wrong thing. You got to remember that. And if you have any if you're if you're feeling alone, just think to yourself, back snake." That's

If ever you miss this, just listen to that lady screaming. Heather's like, "Oh, did you guys hear Captain Jason just said he was going to get me wet again?" All right, ladies. I'm going to give you a tour. You ready? And there's only six of you. Wait, there's still one more coming. All right. Well, here we go. That's a room. That's a room. That's a ceiling. That's a floor. Congratulations. You're on a boat. Who wants a PA? And they're doing the fighting over rooms. Like, oh my god, he's going to get this room. He's going to get that room. like they're all the same. The [ __ ] idiots. Who cares?

Daisy's like cuz Daisy is like not used to the housewives tradition of running around um a vacation space looking for a room. So she's like, "What are they doing?

What the [ __ ] are they taking rooms?" Um Daisy, you are the boss. You've got to control these animals looking for brooms. She's like, "All right. Well, that's the sund deck there." And they're talking about the view. Daisy, this is fabulous. My god. Okay. Wait. Where is the active volcano? I heard there's a volcano. Does the volcano have Vita tequila? Is it a vita? Oh my god, that pyrolastic flow is just tequila coming out of a mountain. I love that. I love it here.

[clears throat] And then Britney finds out she's got the last room, which seems great because everyone else has to share. But Bronnwin is missing, which means Britney's going to have to share with Brunin.

So now, um, uh, Jay-Z tells Jason that Bronwin's coming late, and then it's time to leave the dock, and Heather's like, "Throw those lines, boys. The way you Captain Jason throws me around a bedroom. We're going to get ready to set sail like the way that Captain Jason set his penis on my lady sails. Yeah. Set sail like Jason sat on my face. [snorts] Lift that anchor the way he lifted my butt cheeks up to get inside. Yeah. got freaky boys

down in the galley. All right, now we're going to do guest lunch now. We're going to do sliders. I think we should do a really nice lobster salad. She's like, "Okay." So, she's chopping a cucumber and he's like, "What is that?" Uh, it's a cucumber for what?

The salad. Did you cut it with a hammer? Are you Gallagher? Did she's like, "No." A chainsaw? No. Hacksaw? I could go all day. is a lot of instruments. Did you chew this up and spit it out onto the plate? What did you do here, honey?

Did you throw it at a wall fan? No. Well, maybe. Yes. Ben's like, "That's all right, babe. Okay, it's just I don't I don't know if we can use that. It's too rough. It looks like kibble." No. When we do guest food, just kind of run it past me a little bit because, you know, we might put ourselves in a position where you do something I I don't like and then you kind of maybe waste time. Yes, hipp the red beans over there.

If you could cut the way you finish my sentences in a terrible accent, then you'd be golden honey hips. All right, now listen. Get out of the way. The cucumber. So now Jo is uh telling everybody to set up. You know, everybody's getting ready or der champagne everything. And Britney is talking about Jared, her loser boyfriend for those of you who don't know. But everybody needs to respect him because he is cousins with Donnie and Marie. It's a big deal. It's a big deal.

He's an Osmond. So she's like, "Well, guys, I mean, I could flirt with guys, but I'm not going to be into somebody that's not into me. You know what I mean?" And they're like, "Uh." And Angie goes, "But Jared's not into you, though, and you're still into him."

You know, she should understand where her daughter's coming from now. I'm not going to be with someone who's not into me. Right.

Yeah. Exactly. So then um Jason's sending a text uh to to his Norma whose name is Shelly asking for a new stew. And then down in the galley Daisy like so what am I bringing up? Well some smoked salmon buttered Christini super simple green olive tapenard and ask them if they want some misshapen cucumber bits that that uh Sugar Shoulders cut up the other day.

Inform them of the bad news that a cucumber has been murdered, slaughtered, killed crushed destroyed disseminated. Just tell them decimated. I meant not disseminated. We won't disseminate that cuz it's terrible. It's awful goddamn work. All right. Share. Out of the way, Maple Crotch. We got this food to go upstairs. Jenna, we're training her like a cat. You know how you tray a cat with spray bottles? We're training Britney by throwing food at her. I mean by throwing water on her because I just told Britney, "Brittney, if you talk about Jared one more time or say his name, we're going to throw water on you." And

I forgot about this. Yeah. So she says like, "Well, you know, guys, Jared doesn't love me." And they're like, "Aha, we're throwing water on you." So they're all kind of throwing water on her. At least Whitney and um

like three or four of them. Yeah. Three or four of them throw water on her. They pour a whole picture on Britney. I totally forgot about this.

Well, Meredith Yeah, Meredith gets the whole picture. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You forgot about that.

Yeah, I just forgot about it because it was Well, because what took up my brain space was the other water flowing that we saw later, which is the famous thing where Britney throws the water at Marath and Meredith puts her hand out like the Matrix and like somehow blocks all the water from hitting her. Um, so that was the the preeminent water memory that I have and I'll just say water five more times for people who like hearing my New York accent. So, Bronwin, and this was back in the fun days when Meredith was still being kind of nice to Britney, like she was pouring the water like in kind of a good naturatured way and it wasn't that fun. Look at us just being girls.

Yeah. Um, Brunwin arrives at the island and um, she's in her silly kind of like yellow outfit with the inner tube stitched into it and

she looks insane and it's so funny seeing her out of context because on the show we're used to it, you know, but I'm I wonder what we would feel if we were watching this the first time. I think my instincts have always been right. I'm just like, "No,

I don't trust that person. I don't trust anybody who comes like on their own dressed in a pool floaty and then is all serious like you guys I'm just having a really rough timeh that's why

she arrives looking like Benny the cab you know taking swim lessons and she's very serious about it but you're right out of context it's so funny in the in the context of below deck it just really looks so goofy when you watch Salt Lake City it's just like what what she's wearing what they all wear But in the context of below deck, you realize how the real housewives do just kind of dress up in this crazy way cuz a lot of, you know, we've seen all these guests that always come on the boat and they always wear sort of the same kind of flowy outfits or certain kind of looks, but the Real Housewives have definitely an aesthetic, which by the way is a good segue to mention, we forgot to mention and and to uh give a shout out. Um, we were on the Back Row podcast which came out this uh this week with Amy Odell who's a fashion writer.

She's super insightful about fashion. She also wrote the book uh the the Gwennneth Paltro biopic and I think she did one about Anna Winour. Um, but we went on there and we talked about housewives fashion and how housewives have impacted fashion over the years and it was really cool. So check out the back row podcast because uh it's really all about this [ __ ] that we're talking about right now.

Yeah. But Bramwood's not a typical housewife. I mean, she dresses super crazy. She dresses like hot dogs and stuff, you know. Yeah. Um, so she comes on, she's looking crazy, but I just love how serious she is. She's like, "It was rough. I've had a rough one. I would I just took a 14-hour flight um dressed like an inner tube, so that was interesting." And um here I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. Uh so now Jo is showing Eddie how to drop the anchor. And he's like, "When you're captain, you know, you you you're looking for a a solid right-hand man, and you can't have ice everywhere. And Jo knows how to run a ship. He knows how to run a charter, and he knows how to call himself Jaho." Jao knows Jaho. Jao has met Ju. Jo loves Ju.

Jo has masturbated to the image of Chu in the mirror in Zim. So Jason and Daisy, he asks her um uh how the second se is going and she's saying it's going well. And Bronwin is now on the on the boat and Angie's like, "By the way, uh I am Greek but also getting seasick. Could someone get me some medication? Thank you very much. We have 30 seconds before I spew chunks all over this deck. Thank you." So um uh Bronwin uh she just sort of arrives. She's talking to people and Daisy tells us if Katina crashes, we can climb onto Bronwin. I swear to God, there's enough space on her hat for all of us. Oh, hearty hearty.

And now it's lunchtime. So Ben is staring down at the bowl of chopped lettuce. Well, she's making she's pulling big Roma leaves off and then lining a bowl with them to look pretty, basically. And he's like, "Uh, what are you doing?" She's like, "Does it need to be bigger?" And he's like, "What? No. I mean, it's too big. Or are they supposed to eat gigantic leaves of lettuce?" I did not think this was her worst infraction because you could definitely have a salad where it's like whole leaves and then you you actually cut the leaves, you know? So, this was not the worst, but she sort of arranged them in kind of a like a like an amateur-ish way, you know? know she like was making a sun out of the lettuce leaves instead of being sort of like like hip like that hipster like stack of leaves that's just like oh I just threw this together because I'm I'm a hipster you know

I thought she was making like a bowl of lettuce that you you serve the salad on top of but I mean I don't know we never really got to it. He's like well take some of those leaves and chop them up so they could be you know salad and then we'll put them on top. And then he's like so dressing. And she's like, I am dressed for the salad. Going to put dressing on the salad. Dressing. Come on, honey. Knees, we can do this. All right. Dress it. Dress it with dressing. She's like, "Oh, yeah. Okay." So, she starts to like pour some onion stuff on the S. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Leave that. That's rendered bacon fat. Okay. Thank you very much.

So, uh, Brunwin is getting settled into her room. And Britney shows her the famous unicorn that's like, "Oh, you are loved. You are loved. Good night, baby." And Brain goes, "Um, I'm going to throw that [ __ ] overboard." Which was foreshadowing. Yeah. And then, uh, Angie's still getting sick. And Heather is asking Jenna to help her find her nipple cover cuz she's lost it. Isn't that wacky? If anybody comes across a nipple cover, it's mine. Oh my god. This is not community theater. I hear you. You have a microphone on.

Well, there's a good chance it may have gotten stuck in the door. That's what That's what snagged my nipple.

And Lisa's like, I have a bag. It's a St. Lauren bag. Could you could you have that brought up? That would be great. And could you unpack us, please, and find my nipple cover? Is this a boat or a plane? They're like, "Oh my god, these women are making us crazy."

By the way, unless it's still still to come next week. How much did you love that they didn't even bother with the stupid cucumber situation,

right? I think that we they showed that this week. I missed it. Yeah, they show um they show one of the one of the I guess Jenna unpacking the luggage and finding the cucumber and going, "What the hell is this?"

Oh, I blocked it out. I obviously blocked it out. And by the way, it's so obvious now that Heather just like packed that in there to have that hilarious moment cuz like who's bringing a cucumber, right? Like, and if you're going to bring a sex if you're if you're going to bring something to help you masturbate, you're going to bring just like a proper sex toy. You're not going to bring a cucumber that's going to get like like that that runs the risk of getting mushy in the in the in the in the bag. I don't know. was like so obviously like a Heather. This will be a hilarious moment and shows that I'm sexual and horny. Horny for Captain Jason, my former lover.

[groaning] So Daisy's going crazy already. She's like, "These women are unhinged. All these demands. We've got nipple covers where I forgot all the drink requests. Jaw's gone. Mike's on deck. There's two of us. Eight of them. I cannot keep up." Like what the actual [ __ ] And I remember when we were covering this episode, I was like, "Wow, Daisy is like the most stressed uh chief we've ever we've seen." You know, cuz Daisy is always like, whenever you see her in this episode, she's walking around or on the Housewives version, she's always walking around stressed out like, "All right, radio radio, lunch, lunch, lunch coming up.

Lunch coming up. Oh my god, lunch is coming up." She looks like her head's about to pop off and now we see why. Yes, makes sense. Um, is like, "Hi, by the way, could I get like some conditioner? We need some conditioner for help Britney's hair. It looks so bad." Yeah. You guys have some Dr. Pepper. The Dr. Pepper that I requested. Yeah. Mhm. Mhm. Dr. Pepper, do you guys have some extra marishino cherries? Yeah. Todd keeps on eating all of them. Did you guys That's on my preference sheet. Yeah. Thank you.

Can I have a seasick bracelet for me and for an sick? And uh the nipple cover has been found, everybody. Okay. And Heather's like, "Oh, yeah. Put it on me then." And she whips out her boob and the girl's like, "Okay." Slaps him on her boob.

Daisy radios for Mike to come help her in the galley. He's like, "Five serious coming right up." So, uh, they, uh, they the salad, the aforementioned salad is ready to go. And Dave's like, "Is this the salad? It looks like a strange sunshine made out of lettuce leaves." Like, "Yeah, well, you know what? If they don't like it, Elisia made that. And, oh yeah, by the way, here's some chicken tenders. Five star service. High-end food. chicken tenders. Go get it.

He says, looking at their pref preference sheet, all they really want is bar food. So there there we go, some sliders. So then um they're being served. Angie's getting sicker and sicker. And um Ben's like, "So I need something to put all those chicken tenders, sweetie pie, please, please, corn crotch, do it for me." And she's like, "Do you want it in or on the tenders?" And he's like, "What?" She goes, "In or on the tenders?" He's like, "Babe, stop it. Come on. God. Jeez. He's like, he's like, "Use the bowl." Whatever the [ __ ] Come on.

I'm in. What do I You know what I mean? Stop there. Stop there. Stop messing with me. Come on. Curry thighs. Get with it. So Alicia is like, "I have no idea what's going on in Ben's brain. It's like a squirrel that's on a Red Bull that's trying to organize one of those pantoime things. You know what they call those dust?" She means marionette. Um, he just

You can't even say marionette, you goddamn cake cake cake crack. Oh, I knew I should have gone to Marionette school as a backup to culinary school. Mom told me I'd never be a good marionette person. I don't. She's like, I can't read your Ben brain. He's like, I don't expect you to, but if I say put the food on something, you should understand that whether it's on or in, it just means a serving plate. Darlings, just do it. Okay, chop up a lemon, please. Actually, you know what? Maybe I I'll do that cuz he's like medallions. And she's like, "But what's a medallion?" I I'll do that.

He has her cut a lemon into medallions and she cuts them into triangles. He's like, "No, a medallion. I don't know what a medallion is.

Why are you juggling the the lemons?" I don't know. Yeah, some of this I can kind of get. I can get where he's coming from. It's just how it's just the honey and the babes. I'm I'm like, "Come on now." So, um, the chicken tenders are served and they love them. No one blinks an eye. They're like, "Wow, great. Chicken tenders. Perfect. Fivestar service." Yes. So, Heather asked Bronnin, "Why did you come late, Bronwin?" She's like, "I'm right in front of you and I can hear you." Um, and a lot of stuff happened last week, as you might have heard, and that that really upset Todd.

And people keep trying to dig into my past and there's some nasty things that I've come out in the press and after I've hung out with this group and I think that a lot both of us are concerned that someone in this group is doing it.

Nobody would do that here. Nobody no one at all. Whatever. Oh, and then here's Jenna finding the cucumber and then um Braraw and Lisa start arguing over you know that they start having their big fight like what what what?

Lisa's so defensive like what do you mean somebody's doing it? You're saying it's me. I wouldn't do that. I never did that. What are you talking about? Why is everybody coming for me all the time? I didn't do anything. Like, I didn't do anything. I don't know. I don't know. I'm You look You look pretty guilty. Like, I would convict you of murder at this point because you're acting pretty guilty.

I was expecting the housewives to be very classy and modest. Like, you're all can you take this for me, please, dear? But they just came on like proper nut jobs. Like, yes, Mike. Welcome to Bravo. So, Leis like what? Who fed it? Who fed my stuff? Who laid it? Okay. who was going to blog the sound like tribute and he's like they sound like a group from my local pub.

So then um I cracked up at that. They sound like a group from my local pub. [clears throat]

That's fair. It's a fair assessment. So now they have their big fight and they're like, "Okay, that was fun. Let's go swimming now, everybody."

They just get over things so quickly. Um and now Ben wants to make a cheesecake and Alicia's like, "Oh, I can make a cheesecake. No problem." He goes, "You can." And she's like, "Yep." And he goes, "All right, we'll be there together." She goes, "Okay, see you in five."

Ben, why are you letting Alysia make a cheesecake? She couldn't even cut the salad, right? She couldn't get the lemon, right? She messed up the frittata. Why are you letting her do the cheesecake?

Yeah, we just know it's going to be a disaster. Speaking of disasters, Heather is riding on Jason's back on one of those skid do things. And

I'm riding him like a [ __ ] Bronco. So then uh Ben and Alicia are setting up the cheesecake. He's like, "All right, this is a traditional Tuskcin cheesecake. It's 500 grams of Philadelphia, 500 gram of mascapony, 200 gram of sugar, three eggs plus one yolk, zest of two oranges, and I'm right here for you, darling." And she's like, "Got it. All right. Three broccoli heads, two eggs, one potato, and a piece of cardboard. Be right there." That's the wrong amount of eggs. Oh, you said an iron. An iron. All right. Why did you put an iron in there? God damn it. So now, um, Angie is barfing because she has finally gotten sick. So, she's barfing all over the place. At least it's on the water. And, um, Eddie's like, "Wow, I'm all for Angie having a throw up. I mean, get it out of you, woman. Get it out and carry it on.

That's what short people are for, dealing with your bath. Oh, those total people, they get to be so much higher away from all that puke. But I will carry on with the burden that I have in life.

So, um, then Ben is tasting the cheesecake while [ __ ] is boiling over on the on the stove top, like bubbling over, spilling onto the onto the floor. And Ben goes, "Honey, did you put any sugar in there?" And she's like, "In what?" In the cheesecake. She's like, "No, I I thought I just added the eggs and the yolk. That's it." Yeah, but [clears throat] okay. Dessert. It's dessert, han. All right, dessert. They generally have sugar in them. Okay, so moving forward, we'll give you the recipe.

No, he did not mention sugar, did he? I'm going to go back to see what he listed. I mean, you shouldn't have to. Like, that should be a question. Like, hey,

he does. 200 gram of sugar. 200 gram of sugar. You're right. There it is. Oh, Alisia, I'm trying to stick up for you, Alisi, but it's it's

it's difficult. So then um Daisy radios the crew that dinner's at 7:30 and uh Jason has to go to Angie's room because she's sick. So he brings her some ice and like kind of vacantly looks around like, "All right, well that you're sick. Okay, can I go back to my room now?" These people never stop requesting things. And then um the now they're cheersing outside the ladies and um Heather's like, "Wow, this is the good times girl victory tour."

And then the galley uh Ben has moved on with the actual proper food. So he sends up a bara salad and marinara and um then we uh cut back to Ben and Alicia. Well, Daisy brings the food up and he tells her uh to let he's like I'm just going to do the next thing. like I don't want any fuckups because he has done his whole monologue about like what I've learned is that when someone says they have a passion for food, they don't actually mean that they actually know how to make food and you have to be very careful because they can trick you. They tricked me. Like that's on you honestly.

If someone says that they that they're untrained but they have a passion to me that means you don't know what you're doing at all.

Yeah. And I can see how that would be frustrating for him because he's not necessarily there to teach somebody every step of the way. But it's not abnormal for a chef to be like, "This is how I want my cuts on a cucumber." You know, this is like how I want my vegetables done. Do you know how to shift a nod? Like, you know, like kind of checking what they're doing. Um,

so it kind of is on him, right? But I think he's also he's like realizing, oh, the producers have set me up here. They put someone who has no skill whatsoever to get a rise out of me in the in the kitchen, and I'm just going to push it to the side at this point.

Yeah. So, um, Heather is upstairs. Heather's like, "We miss Angie and Mary's commentary." Because they're having their bed.

Yeah, this is them. This is them having dinner. Oh, that's that is upstairs. I'm sorry. You said upstairs. And I for some reason I thought like they're in their bedroom.

Well, higher upstairs. The bedroom is upstairs. And then we're going even higher. We're going all the way to the top.

I don't even know why I interjected. So, she's like, "Yeah, we miss Mary's com commentary." And Britney's like, "I don't miss Mary's [clears throat] commentary." She's like, "Britney, we have a rule. When you [ __ ] talk, they have to be right in front of you." Well, there's other people at this table that you're mad at that you're not saying something about cuz there's been people who who do some [ __ ] talk behind the backs. Mhm. Lisa, she says that you big sister her and she doesn't want your advice and it's [ __ ] Okay. And Meredith, she says that you pretend to have seizures and go to a level 100 and it's [ __ ] She doesn't believe anything that comes out of your mouth.

There. There we go. Drop the bomb. I have never had a seizure in my life. First of all, second of all, I know people who have had seizures, including my son. And now you're attacking my son's seizure disability. And coming [clears throat] for my son. Way to abuse a child, Britney. Way to abuse a child. I find that to be despicable. So then Alicia's like, "Interior, interior. Gary needs to know whether or not we should take place." No. They're fighting about seizures. Everything's up in the air. I don't have an answer for you right now.

So they're starting, the women are starting to fight. They're starting to have their first major fight of their their experience that we love because well,

Meredith is like, "My child had seizures." And Britney goes, "Well, my child." And she goes, "I don't care." I like that Britney's gonna try and like one up the seizure story with her own child.

And Ben is like very upset because he's trying to get the food out because the timing it matters. And Britney's like, "But this is the seizure that I'm talking about. See, you're saying you're doing the seizure. Stop saying seizure, Britney. Stop saying it. Seizure. Seizure." You know what? I've had enough. I'm throwing water at you. All right. I'm going to throw water back at you. Halt. I halted the water back on you.

Robert, you're glue. Did she actually throw the glass? Because it happens so quickly, but we see a broken glass on the table. So,

oh, was that from me? Oh, maybe um maybe maybe Britney's I don't know. You know, I don't know.

So, obviously one of those glasses broke. They're stressing out in the kitchen. They're fighting up here. You know, they're they're having to vacuum around these housewives fighting. And there was one point where they were throwing water at each other. And Jenna just comes by and goes, "It's okay. We'll get you some more water. Not even like I won't get you a towel or anything like that. We'll just we'll get you some more water.

While they're fighting about seizures, everything's up in the air. Everyone, come on. I don't know when they're going to stop eating. [ __ ] insane. Absolutely insane. First meal of the torture. And the guests are already killing each other. These [ __ ] are next level. Dulu, I am over this.

Yeah, pretty fun. God, these housewives are real torturers man. Jeez. Yeah, I can only imagine what it must be like to actually work on the crew of some of these shows. But

fun for us. Fun for us. All right, thanks for being with us everybody. Uh, this was a long one, eh? Jeez. Thanks for being here and we'll talk to you next time. Get your tickets for the Golden Crappies February 27th over at watch whatins.com and join us for live voting beginning tomorrow, Wednesday. We'll talk to you next time. Bye guys. Bye.

Questions about this episode

Who speaks in "Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under"?

Ronnie Karam (Host), Ben Mandelker (Host), Alicia (Guest), Captain Jason (Guest), Bronwin (Guest), Daisy (Guest).

What is "Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under" about?

The discussion focuses on the kickoff of the new season of "Below Deck Down Under," highlighting the show's blend of entertainment and drama set against the stunning backdrop of Australia. The hosts introduce new cast dynamics while teasing upcoming events like the Golden Krappies and encouraging audience engagement through ticket purchases and Patreon offerings.

What is mentioned in this Watch What Crappens episode?

123 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Below Deck Down Under, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Patreon, watch whatins.com, Ben (Below Deck), Antipater (Antipot), son of Jason. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Below Deck Down Under S04E01: Joseph Smith Down Under"?

The episode runs 1 h 43 min; the transcript is about 20,551 words in 310 timestamped sections.

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About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated February 11, 2026.