Transcript

Are My Parents Emotionally Abusive? Signs You've Been Abused & What To Do

From What Your Therapist Thinks · Episode page · Watch on YouTube

· 1 h 7 min · 12,118 words · 230 timestamped sections

This is the full, timestamped transcript of "Are My Parents Emotionally Abusive? Signs You've Been Abused & What To Do", an episode of What Your Therapist Thinks published September 17, 2025 (1 h 7 min, about 12,118 words). It mentions 22 people, works and ideas, including Emotional abuse, Therapy (psychotherapy), Boundary setting, Felicia, Parental emotional abuse.

What this episode is about

The discussion centers on the topic of parental emotional abuse, its signs, and the psychological impacts it has on individuals, particularly teenagers. Experts share insights on recognizing emotional abuse, understanding its effects, and addressing the trauma associated with it, while emphasizing the importance of validating one's needs and experiences in the healing process.

Key takeaways

  • Choosing toxic friends over loneliness: fear of solitude trumps emotional turmoil.
  • Trauma's cruel question: Why me? The universe offers no satisfying answers.
  • Blame game: Parental fallacy leads to self-repair as the only option.
  • Recognizing needs unveils painful gaps; growth starts with identifying what's missing.
  • Emotional abuse masks itself as 'discipline'; harder to spot, but equally damaging.

What is discussed, and when

  1. – 10:00: Emotional abuse, Felicia, Parental emotional abuse, Ashley Hudson
  2. – 20:00: Emotional abuse, Silent treatment
  3. – 30:00: Emotional abuse, Master of Psychology
  4. – 40:00: Emotional abuse, Master of Psychology
  5. – 50:00: Quiet boundaries
  6. – 1:00:00: Emotional abuse, Felicia
  7. – 1:06:55: Felicia, Domestic abuse hotline, Emotional abuse, illuminateyouconnection.co

Notable quotes from "Are My Parents Emotionally Abusive? Signs You've Been Abused & What To Do"

  • Therapist in the state of California. On today's episode, we are exploring parental emotional abuse. What is it?
    about Emotional abuse · at
  • And young people can experience. it's more cut and dry to identify physical abuse or sexual abuse, but emotional abuse can get called a lot of other things, right? It can be…
    about Physical abuse · at
  • If it's manipulation, if it's, the silent treatment, if it's being verbally aggressive towards their kids, insulting the child, name calling, things like that, I would say are some of the more obvious.
    about Silent treatment · at
  • I'm stressed with an assignment and can't help out with something, I'm doing a master of psychology, they will say, Well, you weren't studying for us. It's not our fault. Or…
    about Master of Psychology · at
  • And you just you kind of need space fast, I've done this, this is not a clinical term, but kind of like quiet boundaries. I'm not telling them I'm setting a boundary, but it's…
    about Quiet boundaries · at
  • Time to get to final thoughts on this topic. So Ashley, as this is the What Your Therapist Thinks podcast.
    about What Your Therapist Thinks (WYTT) · at
  • Yeah. And I'll say too that we will put some resources in the show notes about abuse. The domestic abuse hotline if you are feeling really alone and you just want to talk to…
    about Domestic abuse hotline · at
  • Ashleyhuds theapy.com for therapy services of California and then illuminateyouconnection.co is my parent coaching run. Don't walk to hire Ashley.
    about illuminateyouconnection.co · at

Who and what is mentioned in this episode?

People

  • Felicia — Person · 6 mentions · first at
    In a lot of therapy and I am a huge advocate for mental health. I'm joined by my co-host Felicia Keller Bole. Hey everyone, I'm Felicia, licensed somatic therapist in the state…
  • Marcy Planinga — Person · 1 mention · first at
    This is I'm your host Marcy Planinga. I've been in a lot of therapy and I am a huge advocate for mental health. I'm joined by my co-host Felicia Keller Bole. Hey everyone, I'm Felicia, licensed somatic.
  • Felicia Keller Bole — Person · 1 mention · first at
    In a lot of therapy and I am a huge advocate for mental health. I'm joined by my co-host Felicia Keller Bole. Hey everyone, I'm Felicia, licensed somatic therapist in the state…
  • Ashley Hudson — Person · 1 mention · first at
    Discuss some real life examples from Reddit. And today we are joined by Ashley Hudson. Ashley is a licensed therapist in California and she specializes working with teens and…
  • Chloe — Person · 1 mention

Companies & orgs

Concepts & topics

Full transcript with timestamps

They're like, "Nope, I rather be in this toxic friend group because being left being alone, I that's worse."

With a lot of trauma, the big question is just why? Like, why did that happen to me?

They can't blame their mom or dad because they have to survive, right? So, then something must be wrong with me. And guess what? I can control me. One of the things that will never be a reason why it happened to you is that you deserved it. If you identify your needs, you're also going to identify what you didn't get. And that is really painful. Something that hit me recently about this is I'm your host Marcy Planinga. I've been in a lot of therapy and I am a huge advocate for mental health. I'm joined by my co-host Felicia Keller Bole. Hey everyone, I'm Felicia, licensed somatic therapist in the state of California. On today's episode, we are exploring parental emotional abuse. What is it?

Are you experiencing it? We're going to discuss some real life examples from Reddit. And today we are joined by Ashley Hudson. Ashley is a licensed therapist in California and she specializes working with teens and their parents. Ashley also offers coaching to parents who want to reconnect with their teenage children and she helps teens and young adults with sports performance anxiety. Welcome to the show, Ashley.

Thank you for having me here. I'm excited to be here and talk with you. You are the perfect person to get into this since I think you work on the child side but also the parent side. I think having that perspective on this topic is going to be really really helpful. So let's start there. What is both of your as the licensed therapists in the room? Your clinical connections to this topic of parental emotional abuse? like I I've been working with teenagers for gosh like 12 years now and um specifically anxiety, depression, um grief, loss, a lot of relationship skills that I work with teenagers. One of the biggest things, the reasons why I started working with teenagers is because I myself, you know, back in the day when I was a teenager, I was pretty lonely and wish I had someone to talk to that could really understand me, see me, just have a space to actually talk about all the stuff I wanted to talk about. Um, I

didn't really have that with my parents. Um, my parents, uh, they tried their hardest and they they had, you know, limited skills. So, I became a therapist to provide that space for teens. I've worked with a lot of teenagers who have been in my office um angry, sad, anxious, scared, uh and a lot of it too I see is a big disruption in their relationship with their parents. Uh a disconnect, disruption, a gap. Parents show the the motivation. They they like, "Hey, I want them to get better. I love them very much. You know, there's just a really big gap on whether or not parents are motivated to get better or some parents I I I see are very motivated.

What can I do to save this relationship and help support them? So, I've seen a mix of all of that. And so I do really enjoy after 12 years of spending with teens, I really enjoy working with parents who are motivated to connect and build that closeness with their teenager because it's it's really important to their progress uh with mental health and managing their mental health.

Yeah. Yeah. And part of me thinks, you know, a parent sending their child to therapy kind of a leg up on the potential maybe accidental emotional abuse side of things or is it kind of like my teenager is acting up, fix them. It's not me, so they need therapy. You know, I feel like it could you've probably seen it go either way. That's how I imagine that uh potentially going.

Oh, definitely. You know, we have times where parents like, "Hey, please fix them. they're the problems. Um, our household is in shambles because of them. You know, I'm not feeling good as a parent because of them. Uh, and then we also have the other side where we have parents of like, hey, I'm in my own therapy and I know my kid needs it. Can you please help them as well? I know that they need the space for them to digest this and process this kind of stuff and I'm willing to support that. So, we definitely get the array of different parents and their motivation to change. A round of applause for those parents who are wanting to, you know, have that.

It's almost like a humility that I'm kind of out of my depth here and I might accidentally be doing

some kind of harm. I think is just incredible and I wish more parents did that. Uh, but what about you, Felicia? What's your clinical connection to parental emotional abuse? I think one of the tricky things about emotional abuse is it may not be as obvious as some of the other forms of abuse that children and and young people can experience. You know, it's more cut and dry to identify physical abuse or sexual abuse, but emotional abuse can get called a lot of other things, right? It can be called punishing. You know, oh, I'm just disciplining or I'm just punishing my child, you know?

um I'm just I'm just telling them how they need to do things or it doesn't leave a physical mark like the other forms of abuse do. And so it can be very easy to just see it as like, oh, I'm just correcting them or I'm just being honest with them. And I think because of that, it's also harder for people who have experienced it to identify, right? It's hard to know, am I am I being emotionally abused or am I just a bad kid,

right? Am I just a bad person? And when you don't know that abuse is abuse, like one of the common ways of making sense of what's happening is to just think, well, I just must deserve this. I must be a bad person. There must be something wrong with me, and that's why this is happening.

Yeah, I think that is a perfect transition to actually defining what is emotional abuse before even getting into the like the parental side of it. But if you two were to define what is emotional abuse, what's your best stab at a definition?

I like to look at it from a whole perspective because I think too is um you know working with parents, they could be really stressed out. They have their own trauma. They have their own mental health and there's going to be times where you know parents aren't aren't perfect, right? And did this just happen like one time or once in a while or is this like a pattern in chronic um over time? Right. And emotional abuse too. I like how you said that Felicia. It's it's not as obvious and it could be sometimes and I've seen this where parents excuse it. Well, I didn't hit my kids like my parents hit me.

Yes. Right. Yes. Absolutely. And then two is verbal and it's verbal and it could be body language. It could be nonverbal as well. So it's a lot of like the the the body and verbal non-verbal cues I guess you would say. if it's manipulation, if it's, you know, the silent treatment, um, if it's being verbally aggressive towards their kids, insulting the child, name calling, things like that, I would say are some of the more obvious

things that could happen. Yeah. I mean, I'd even come across parents who, you know, threaten to like, I I I won't talk to you

um if you don't do that, right? um this is this attempt to control their children, but it comes out of anger and and this this intention to harm instead of like h I'm just I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do in this situation right now.

I know this is probably the question that every person who has experienced this or suspects they have would ask, but what are some reasons that parents do this? I mean, I know you could be like, well, what's their story and what are the a thousand factors that are playing into this? But, you know, I think with a lot of trauma, a lot like the big question is just why? Like, why did that happen to me? And especially when it's they're my parents, they're supposed to love me. No, they didn't hit me, but why did they say that to me or why was that kind of the norm in my house? What are some just general patterns that you two have seen?

Something that hit me recently about this is I think sometimes when parents are emotionally abusing their children, they're saying and doing things that were done to them and they're saying to their child how they actually feel about themselves.

When I think about some of these stories that folks share of their emotional abuse, it it doesn't you don't have to scratch the surface very deep to find out, oh, that's actually how this parent was talking to themselves. like these are their worst fears and they're instead projecting that onto their child.

Um the other thing that I want to say about like the reasons why parents might be doing this, if you're, you know, if you're a young person and this happened to you or if you're an adult and you're looking back on the past, one of the things that will never be a reason why it happened to you is that you deserved it.

Right? Again, one of those big questions, do I deserve this or not? And that's why

was I just a bad kid? difficult, right? And of course, like parenting is hard, growing up is hard. Like, were there times you were probably difficult? Yes. But did you ever deserve to be abused? No. Like, by definition, people don't ever deserve to be abused. So, that that's not one of the reasons why you were abused. So, I just want to like clear that up before we get any deeper because I feel like if someone's hearing this and they're really really questioning like, "Am I a bad person? And is that why this happened to me?

That is not why this happened to you. I agree. When I do hear of and know of parents who have been emotionally abusive, there's a lot of deep resentment that they have within themselves that

they're not in touch with. They don't want to be in touch with. They have literally put that part of them away, like stuffed it away where they're almost like they don't want to be aware of it. And so it's so easily when you're not aware of that and you stuff it's like you put that box away so far deep

that it just it comes out with their kids. They get triggered with their kids. They

see something in their kids that they're so, you know, angry and yucky about themselves and um they don't have the skills. They were never taught the skills. And then to what you just said um Christie is they don't have the humility to go like okay wait a minute I'm learning right they don't sit back and go okay I'm learning I need to learn more about myself there there's something here

so instead they don't have that either so when you have that just deep resentment that highly self-criticism probably self-loathing at that point too projected on their kids

um and then they just keep doing it without the wanting to learn, knowing how to learn, and it just keeps going. It's quite sad.

Yeah. So, very I think unconscious is kind of what I'm picking up. Are there instances in which maybe it's intentional because they think it's good parenting? Does that kind of occur? Have you two seen that? I think in some cases they are. you know, they may have been raised in quote unquote strict homes, right? Some of this emotional abuse can be like, well, I have a strict parent, right? And depending on your background, um, that could also be a factor. Like different communities have different parenting styles and in some cases it's

Yeah, I I can think of a lot of different groups where if you get hit or name called or whatever, it's like, oh, I'm just being punished. Like I remember being in groups of kids where like that was just a given and kind of would get laughed off of like

oh your parents don't have you. Right. Right. Exactly. It's like that's kind of crazy. It seems crazy now but like

there are some communities where this is actually just really normalized. Like things that we might consider abuse like are not considered abuse. And so I think that can be really hard, especially if you came from a community where this was normalized and now you're an adult looking back on what happened and you're like,

"Well, wait a minute. Was that really bad?" Cuz like literally everyone I know was being told these things by their parents and being quote unquote disciplined in these ways. So was it bad or is it not bad? Right.

Can normal be bad? Can normal be bad? That's a great point, right? Can normal be bad? So I think folks are asking themselves that question. Yeah. Uh I I completely agree with that. I I think too is like sometimes parents utilize that to make themselves feel better. So either you know there's the shame in the room that might come out with parents that if they're hitting their kids or calling their kids' names or taking something away indefinitely or using the silent treatment, right? Then sometimes I'll hear them excuse it. Well, I mean, this is what my parents did and hey, this is good parenting and if someone tells me otherwise, then like whatever.

Um, and I think sometimes they utilize that because, you know, they feel shameful for what they're doing and they don't want to be in touch with the shame, so they just go like, "Oh, yeah, it is good parenting." Yeah.

Well, I think I've seen that with some people in my life who I suspect have some of this going on cuz the kids are good, right? because they're afraid of like they're like upsetting their parents. So yeah, they're, you know, they might be really disciplined or they're they don't speak their mind. So it's like, oh, look, they're so good in a restaurant or, you know, just like that kind of stuff where but they're such good kids like look how well this turned out. And I cuz it's just the kid is just afraid,

you know, to get any of the terrible stuff that comes with emotional abuse. Um, I don't know if that's something you've seen with your clients, but I think with some of my friends, I' i've noticed that they're they're the good kids, you know?

I I know someone really close to me. Really? Are we all I think we're all like thinking of like that's the one.

Yeah. Yeah. Someone really close to me that was just like, "Oh, I was like such, you know, the greatest kid." and

and that really close person is struggling with even understanding their feelings. They don't even know how they feel. And guess what? They're I just know what frustration is like with the one emotion that I have cuz you know this really close person shuts down and shuts off and dissociates

um and freezes, right? Because they just had to be that good person. I couldn't get mad. I couldn't uh feel all these emotions or else

this would happen, right? Mom or dad would get really mad. Nope, don't rock the boat. Got to be this good person. Got to be this good kid,

right? So, when you kind of ask yourself, was this parental abuse? and you're and you're thinking about it later on in life, why it comes up later on in life is probably because like you you're how are you interacting in your own relationships and being a mom or dad yourself, right? And some things are popping up like wait a second.

Why am I only feeling one emotion? You know, why why am I getting shut off when my kids start, you know, having a meltdown or something like that? H what happened to me? Yeah,

absolutely. That can really trigger reflecting. Like people often say that when you have children, as they grow up, you're often kind of being brought back to that moment in your own life, right? And so you might be looking at things maybe for the first time in a long time um and reflecting on them. Andy, if you don't have kids, this can still come up because maybe you're navigating other intimate relationships, whether that's partnership or friendships or even like navigating work, and you might have a reaction to something where you have a very strong reaction,

a big reaction, a big reaction. And part of you knows, like you can you can think through it and you're like, "Oh, I know I'm like technically safe, but I do not feel safe right now.

Like I feel very afraid. I am really really activated. And so when that's coming up in relationships, we can start to be curious about like where did that come from?

What could be going on that this feels like I'm literally on the pre precipice of destruction

when I'm just waiting for a text back and it's taking a bit longer than I expected. Right. What's happening there?

Yeah. Or like is someone mad at me? Someone mad at me kind of thing that Yeah. Just just a classic. But just internally, how can someone tell that this is happening? Like what's what's some of the the thoughts that someone might be having or some of the, you know, physical or emotional side of things when they're, you know, actively experiencing abuse or again, maybe they're out of the house and they're still kind of feeling some of those. What What does that look like? What do your clients tell you that that feels like for them? Uh for me especially just like teenagers and young adults uh they feel worthless.

They feel like they don't matter. They don't know where they belong. So it it's definitely I think like a combination of some of this stuff. But definitely they feel worthless. They don't feel worthy of love.

They don't feel like they're worthy of someone apologizing to them and repairing with them. They don't feel like they're worthy of um you know their parents being interested in them and having fun with them and being around them. Um they feel like a burden to their parents' life.

Yeah, I agree with all of that. Another thing that can happen is preoccupation. You know, preoccupied thoughts about what you're doing, how you're doing it, how others are perceiving you, whether or not you did it right or wrong. um you know going to bed at night and kind of reliving your day and moments of your day and analyzing getting stuck on something that didn't go well that maybe you messed up. How a person responded to you. Were they mad at you? Were they not mad at you? Like that sort of thinking can be really emblematic of having experienced abuse. Fear of other people's reactions. And then yeah, I would say that despondency. The first thing that folks will do is try to create connection usually, right? I mean, listeners may or may not know about this, but there's these kind of famous studies where um infants are with their caregiver and the caregiver is interacting with them and looking at

them and they're kind of playing and then the caregiver is instructed to just have a blank face.

And infants reliably go through a few different stages. At first, they try to re-engage their parents. They look at them, they smile, they're trying to do different things to get their attention. And then when that's not working and the parent is still just they're not looking upset, they're just neutral. If they stay that way, then the child starts to become agitated. They start to cry. They start to decompensate. And then if that doesn't get their parents attention, then they just also go stillaced. They stop trying.

And so this is a normal very very basic human reaction to being connected to people like we are wired to be deeply connected to other people and when that's threatened we try to get the attention back you know and we start by smiling and giggling and making jokes and hey look at me we might start with like I'm going to do something that you're not going to like so I can get your attention right but either way we're trying to get that connection

acting out Right. That quote unquote acting out. Yeah. Exactly. It's like I'm trying to get your attention

and then if I don't get that attention then I'm really really angry cuz we're not connected and that's like painful as a human.

And I'm not I'm not saying like we always always want to be connected with people. Yeah. We we like our alone time. Like I like my alone time, right? But in general

Yeah. Yeah. You see me on the street like you know what I mean? But yeah, we want that connection. It's hardwired into our biology. We literally need it to survive in our earliest moments. And so that doesn't stop, right? And when we don't get that sense of connection, we often will have a a negative response. And then if we still don't get it, we'll give up cuz it's

it's painful. It's vulnerable. It's so vulnerable. Imagine like that little baby who's like, "Hey, mom, I'm here." Like it's sad. It's so heartbreaking. Those videos are so heartbreaking.

I'm not going to do Don't watch. They are on the internet. if you did want to watch them, you could. But they are absolutely heartbreaking. And it's interesting that we know that that's how we're wired.

And so that comes to mind, Ashley, as we're talking about this, like the different stages

a young person might go through if they're experiencing that emotional abuse. Yeah. I mean, I was just literally thinking about one stage right now where just again the lens of a teenager is where they're in toxic friendships

and they're in toxic friendships cuz one it's familiar too and the other thing is like I I rather be in this toxic friendship and get this kind of attention

because it is scarier than being alone, right? They're like, "Nope, I rather be in in this toxic friend group, toxic relationship because being left, being alone, I that's worse. I felt that before. That is worse. So, I won't do that." And by toxic, you kind of mean like a little just kind of too involved. You know, how would you define that kind of toxicity? Because I think that gets thrown around a lot. But what it actually I think really means is why again I I love having therapists comment on this stuff cuz yeah I've been called toxic and I'm like I like to think I'm not toxic but you know like we've all we've all

toxic gets thrown around a lot and it's not a clinical diagnosis right where you don't have clinical trials on like toxicity.

I don't think toxic people would show up uh to those. So it could be, you know, the the friend is kind of using them, manipulating them. Hey, you know, can you do my homework for me? Please, please, please. It could be where, you know, the friend is constantly calling them for emotional support and then that the team that I'm working with goes, "Hey, I try to reach out to them and they they make it about themselves." Um, it could also be they're hanging out with a crowd that um is really unkind to others and hurtful towards others and it it feels very intimidating and fearful that if I were to leave this group then I might be targeted as well. No boundaries at all and anytime that a teenager would put up the boundary they would get punished for it. punished by, you know, name calling or, you know, nowadays it's like ghosted or

putting you on blast on the internet, right? Like worst fear. Wow. Yeah. You know it. And a lot of teens know like, hey, this doesn't feel good and this this isn't what I wanted in a friendship and it's not what I'm looking for, but I rather be in this than be alone because I

at least I'm connected. Yes. some even though the the connections like maybe we might get it here and there and there little drops of it. Yeah.

But it's better than nothing at all. Yeah. I think what can be so sad about this like as you were talking about this Ashley I'm thinking about the cycle that this can set off

which is you know like I'm feeling I'm maybe being told I'm bad in so many ways or treated as if I'm bad person. I am struggling to connect. it doesn't seem to be working. Okay, I'm finding people who can connect, but maybe like these are not the best relationships. I'm not being my best self. Okay, so now I'm an even worse person. Like maybe I've picked up some behaviors that are like antisocial and and not pro-social, right? Um and now it's harder for me to get along with more people. So now I'm I'm driven deeper into these connections that are actually perpetuating these behaviors and I'm getting more and more feedback that I'm a bad person. and it's just like

can really really set off a a really dangerous cycle. And so I think the thing that feels really important here if someone's finding themselves in that cycle is that um I just want to recognize how much vulnerability there there has to be and there is when you decide that you want something different for yourself. Again, and here I'm not talking about abuse being your fault, like, oh, you want something different for yourself than abuse, like we've already covered, that is not your fault. But if you find yourself feeling this low selfworth,

um, feeling like you're bad all the time, having a hard time connecting to people who are reflecting your goodness back to you. Mhm.

I just want to acknowledge how vulnerable it is after you felt that sense of rejection, alienation to go back out into the world and open your heart up to people who are going to reflect your goodness back to you cuz that rejection is so freaking hard. It's so hard to deal with. And so

I want to say like it is possible to get out of this cycle. Um, and I acknowledge how much vulnerability that takes. And I acknowledge how hard that is when you're in the midst of feeling bad about yourself. Like it is a big ask, but it's why therapy can be so helpful, right, Ashley?

Yes, totally. And I mean, you're bringing up just the generational of emotional abuse, just getting passed down and passed down.

Yeah. um the difficulty to, you know, spot emotional abuse and then the difficulty of getting out of that emotional abuse and the difficulty of being vulnerable and taking those next steps to put yourself out there and get that kindness and the the goodness back, right? And um just noticing them that pattern just continues and it's hard. It's really really hard,

man. These are always just like I'm not personally affected by this, but it's always just like a little mini therapy session for me. I end up feeling something because I'm just hanging out with like two incredible therapists that are just like bringing all of their like empathy and knowledge. I'm like, "Oh my god, I just get to sit here like

that's the real reason why you started the podcast." This is actually why this podcast exists because I just want even more therapy. I just haven't had enough. I can't get enough, you know? Oh my god. Okay. Okay. Well, I would love to get into our example so we can really get into some specific pictures of what this can look like. So, this is in the raised by narcissist subreddit. There's a bit of content, so buckle up for this story.

Are my parents mentally/ emotionally abusive or am I being too sensitive? I'm using a throwaway account so no one sees this. Basically, as long as I can remember, my parents have always belittled the way I'm feeling. Like if I'm stressed with an assignment and can't help out with something, I'm doing a master of psychology, they will say, "Well, you weren't studying for us. It's not our fault." Or when I gave them some money to borrow and I asked them for some of it back because I needed to buy an iPad for school. I was told off for scamming money off of them and a good child would just let them have the money. And it's little things, too. Like my mom will blow up at me for the littlest things, like not making pasta the way that she would, even though I did it to help out on my break between classes. And when I retaliate, I get told that I'm taking things too personally, and that as a future

psychologist, I should know better. Okay, I'm sorry. I can't. This is Can we even make it through?

Sorry, but every single sentence is like a horror show. Yeah, like it's worse and worse and worse. I'm sorry I couldn't contain it. I just needed to have an outburst. You can keep on going, but

WTF. Yeah. Already. And I think this is something I would like to talk about too

cuz I think with some mental health issues, it's like if you have to ask it, but I don't know

like if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. Yeah. But I think the title of this post is especially important in the sense that is this happening or am I being too sensitive?

That is what I wrote down and circled. And that is the sign right there. Am I being too sensitive? Like and then everything you were discussing like she was getting gaslighted by her parents. Well, and more. But that right there is she's constantly questioning herself. Am I too sensitive? Am I just too emotional? Am I too reactive? you know, am I am I a bad daughter for wanting some of my money back,

right? Yeah. And she was told, if you're doing this, then then you're not good. A good daughter would do XYZ, which is very different than saying like, hey, we would really like this from you. Like, this would be very helpful. This would mean a lot to us. That's very different than you're a bad daughter if you're if you do this.

Mhm. Like that is 100% like a judgment emotionally manipulative. And I try to be careful with that word because I feel like manipulation like toxic is one of those words that just gets thrown around all over the place.

This is manipulative. Okay. Yeah. Say like straight up the jury's out bonafide.

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. This is this is one of those instances where this is actually manipulative.

Yeah. And just even saying like you are a bad daughter, right? Or even going like well a good daughter

a good daughter would do what I want them to do, right? How convenient. Yeah. Just make it be easier on me, please. And then also you're throwing in the you know the this defines you.

For you to be a good daughter, you have to do this. Right. Right. The one that really got me was like, "You should be able to handle this because you're getting your masters in psychology." Like the one that was like that because I've literally had someone say that to me before.

It's personal. It's personal. Yeah, it is personal. My terrible boss who treated me horribly. Like I was her emotional punching bag. In fact, she was probably emotionally abusive for like 3 years. And when I finally confronted her and said like basically, "Hey, could you not?" She said, "Well, you're going to school to be a therapist right now, so you should be able to deal with this." And I was just so shocked.

Oh my god. Exactly. Oh my god. So, when you read that part, Christie, I was like, "Hold on." Like,

"No, not on my podcast." No, not on my podcast. I've I've gotten that before, too. Like when you have

Oh, yeah. Like when you've you're authentic and you're melting down, you have a human reaction. I'm like, "Ah, how dare you?"

And then, "How dare me?" And it's like, "Aren't you a therapist? Like, should you know how to do this?"

It's like, uh, that's not fair. That's not nice at all. So, not fair. That is not fair.

I am a human and I'm I'm not paying myself right now. Like, I'm not paying myself to be my therapist right now.

I'm sorry. Are we exchanging money right now? Is this a session? And I think part of why people use Reddit is kind of the like, am I crazy or is this happening? Pulling an audience. And yeah, all of the comments are like, "Yeah, girl, that's that's not good." But yeah, I think the last the last paragraph here, she says, "I guess I'm wondering if this is something you've experienced or if you think I'm making a bigger deal about it than

it is because tbh I probably am." and I guess suggestions for how to deal with it. Thank you.

I know as in I'm probably making too big a deal out of it, right? Even when she lists all the stuff at the end, it's like but it's probably my problem

and that's abuse, right? That that that is the conclusion means like the abuse has been super effective right?

So I I want to bring something up right there. When you have like kids and teenagers when they don't understand it's abusive, right? Or they don't understand like, oh, this is not right. One of the things a lot of times they do is they blame themselves,

right? Because they can't necessarily blame their mom or dad because they have to depend on them. They have to survive, right? So then they turn it inward. Then something must be wrong with me. And guess what? I can control me, right? So I can just be a better daughter. Exactly. I'll just make the pasta the right way next time.

Perfect. With the perfect tempt. And guess what, guys? Can you just please give me some strategies so my parents will love me,

right? Gosh, that's that hurts my heart. And I'm assuming this person is, you know, master of psychology. They said mom instead of mom, so I think they're in the UK. I don't exactly know how the university system works, but I'm assuming early 20s still and this is how that's coming up now. So, even like obviously still living at home, but still an adult your own life at least a little bit, you know, even when you're out of that dependency, it can feel that strong. Absolutely. Um, I just want to throw out there because I I like to always point out the positives, but one I love the fact that she even asked. I do think like there is some awareness there. I think when you just hit a place of like helplessness because it's your parents and you

kids like have this unconditional love for their parents. Like she ended with like please help me. What can I do to you know basically make my parents love me? Right. But I think it's really cool of her that she's starting to become aware of this

and she's starting to question some things and and she's on the journey. She's on she's on the path of of starting to figure stuff out and it probably will be a painful path for her, but

Mhm. she's it looks like she's like willing to embark it in a little bit. So that's pretty cool. Yeah, I think part of the therapy process in my experience is there is that portion where you take responsibility. But I think with her, she's too much in the taking responsibility side of things. I think now is the time where you can just be like,

I don't deserve this. This shouldn't have happened to me and I don't need to do a damn thing, but be like really mad and hurt

right now. And I guess I kind of wish that for her, you know, we can kind of at a a little bit of a clinical bird's eye view here confirm maybe that some of this stuff has been going on. Obviously, she needs to meet with a professional, consult with them.

Assuming that this is going on, what's next? How how do you move forward? What are some strategies to start dealing with this now that you know you're kind of in this acceptance phase of like, okay, this is this has happened and is happening to me. At the end of the day, it doesn't necessarily matter whether any of the stuff is emotional abuse or not in order to allow you to make a change. like with OP the one that we just heard from like it whether we want to call it emotional abuse or not if that is like a barrier to making changes I feel like that question could even be set aside entirely because at the end of the day if something's happening that isn't appropriate that doesn't feel good for you then you can ask for it to be different you know you can tell the other person you know this this isn't okay for me please don't do this if you keep on doing this, I'm going to need to leave. Right? U it doesn't always mean

that the person on the other side is going to go, "Okay, no problem." Right? Especially if it's your parents and this is how they've been interacting with you for 20 plus years, right? They're probably not going to change overnight. The first time they're probably going to be like, "Who the do you think you are? Are you kidding me?"

Right? First, did you learn this in psychology class? Oh my gosh. Of course. Right. So, I think that's really important for folks to know if you're if you're really caught up in like is it abuse? Is it not abuse? Is it almost like well if it is abuse then I'm allowed to say no? I'm allowed to say stop. But if it's not abuse then I'm not allowed to put up with it.

Right. Exactly. If I if the truth is that I'm actually just too sensitive, then like I have to keep on dealing with this.

But if the truth is that it's abuse, then I don't have to anymore and I'm totally in the right to say no. So, I want to say like it doesn't matter if it is or isn't

if you're not okay with what's happening. You can say that. And now that doesn't mean that the other person is going to like go, you know what, you're right. I've actually just never thought about it that way. I've never considered that you didn't like how I was treating you. Huh. Okay. Noted. I'll change everything about how I interact with you from here on out. Like the pasta from here on out.

Yeah. Sweetie, you're wonderful. I don't know what I was thinking calling you all those names for the last 20 plus years. Yeah.

You know, that's probably not going to happen. But but I want to say like you don't necessarily have to get rid of the whole relationship if you don't want to. You can start to ask for changes and there are going to be hiccups. People say like when you stop people pleasing, people are not going to be pleased,

right? Like if you've been just compliant, doing your best to be the good girl, the good child your whole life, and all of a sudden you're pushing up against that expectation,

instead of just trying to be better constantly, you're doing something else. The other person is probably not going to be very happy.

But I would say that's that is where that's where you've got to start. That's where you'll start to create the life that's closer to what you want. And that relationship is either going to evolve and go with you

or it's not. Mhm. You know, or you might have a different type of connection to that person than the one that you did before.

Definitely. I even think then the next step would be for the person to really identify what needs weren't met, what needs do I need right now, you know, in this current relationship. And this is, I think, a tough a really tough um stage, a really tough step because if you identify your needs, you're also going to identify what you didn't get. And that could be really and that is really painful. And it's a step of of managing that pain, of managing that grief, of kind of knowing like that grief and pain is going to pop up here and there with your parents at times.

And then understanding like, hey, I I didn't get the undivided attention. I didn't get to be seen and understood and be interested in, right?

To really to really own like, hey, I I really need that in my life and I need that in my life right now. Where else can I get my needs met? And I think that might even be another step. And something even I work with teens is like hey

your parents don't see you, but who else in your life does see you? Exactly. in your life does understand you and get you and and maybe even how do we redefine family,

you know? Um, yes, they're your mom and dad and they're your parents, but also we can still have like friends as family there, the friends, parents as family as well,

extended family. So, I think that I think that's another really great step to explore

and that can really reverse that spiral, right? If like one spiral is I'm bad, I'm not worthy, I don't know how to have like you know healthy relationships, then shifting to find again those relationships where people can reflect your goodness back to you and can inspire more of that

that can like okay now we're instead of spiraling this way now we're spiraling back in the other way and I now feel more deserving for that type of connection. I now feel more able to seek that out in other ways. H I would be interested about both of your takes on this. I found that in situations in my own relationships where you kind of have those realizations and you just you kind of need space fast, I've done this, this is not a clinical term, but kind of like quiet boundaries. I'm not telling them I'm setting a boundary, but it's like, hey, I'm not spending time in the kitchen anymore. or we if this topic gets brought up and be like shoot I actually gotta run and like quick do this thing or ah someone's calling me. Is that a good strategy to at least to kind of like maybe when you're a little bit more of like a

you're a baby deer with boundaries? Yeah. I've never done this before. Yeah. And just in the short term when you're living in someone's house or what have you. Is that a good It's obviously not the ultimate, you know, you get to just set a boundary and whatever. Like, that's great, but is that a good strategy for someone who's just kind of like getting started with this?

I agree. Maybe the the parents aren't in a place to receive that. Um, also if personally you're not in a place you don't have the skills or the confidence to like manage that reaction and and kind of detach a little bit going like, okay, that's their reaction, right? That has nothing to do with me. So if you haven't built those internal skills yet,

absolutely. If it means kind of limiting your time with them, it's also like, hey, there's a difference between surface level talk versus emotional talk. Um there's a spectrum of how I I love this with when I work with teenagers is um hey there's a spectrum of vulnerability right if this person isn't capable of providing that connection that closeness that that understoodness that feeling seen and validated you know this is their capability right here. So would it make sense to be you know 100% vulnerable with them or does it make sense like let's do 5%. Right? Or that also teaches us how how can we gauge a situation, trust ourselves and

protect ourselves at the same time. And I think that is really important. We do need to protect ourselves and with the lens of, hey, this person is incapable of of the needs that I'm looking for right now.

Absolutely. And I love how you ended that because it it goes perfectly with like the metaphor that that I certainly did not come up with, but I use a lot, which is you don't go to a hardware store to buy bread,

right? I'm very much for um being open to people being the best possible versions of themselves, to surprising you, to doing things differently, to being open to a relationship radically shifting. At the same time, if you've got a sense of how this person normally reacts, going to them to get something different and then feeling really frustrated with that response again and again is not very helpful. You know, that's going to the hardware store hoping that that they're selling bread and then being disappointed that it's not a bakery.

Well, you you showed up to a hardware store, you know. Yeah. So when it comes to OP, I think it would be, you know, very appropriate to just excuse yourself, maybe not put yourself in harm's way if as much as possible. Like if there are

situations where, you know, you're more likely to experience that abuse. I think it's totally okay to simply avoid it.

Not all of your relationships are going to be ones where you can have these deep, vulnerable conversations where you both get on the same level about like what you want the relationship to be. Some people are not going to be able to do that with you. They're not going to want to do that with you. And if that's the case, you are probably better off just like saying, "This is my boundary or just not being as available as you might have been otherwise."

Yeah. And it makes sense why she wanted to make pasta for her mom. It makes sense why she wanted to give money to her parents, right? Like that's very giving of her. That's very thoughtful of her. she's striving to be that good daughter.

Um, but also it's looking at at the sense of mom and dad don't have the capability to be grateful to appreciate to go, "Oh my gosh,

well, I don't know. I don't know if we can take this money from our daughter, right? Or um understand the boundaries or even just,

you know, be be thoughtful and consider considerate of their child's feelings." So, it's even too it's it's what I like to do is even just validate my client like, "Hey, I totally get you're so thoughtful and

you know, you really want to be seen and and you're doing something so beautiful, but also they have the capability of providing that gratitude and that that appreciation and that thoughtfulness back." or

your best friend, you know, Chloe over here, would she provide that back to? So, that might be someone to make pasta for and have a good time with, right? And I think that's really important to, you know, she might sit back and go like, "Oh my god, I can't believe I just made pasta for my parents. I'll never do anything good for you."

And it's like, no, like that's who you are. You are a good person and you're very giving. It's

your your parents are struggling to receive that and then you're expecting something in return that they don't have that,

right? And that could be a conversation of like, "Hey, mom and dad, I I really want to be thoughtful and giving and and do some really nice things for you. I just struggle because you guys don't see it back. So, unfortunately,

I won't be making that pasta for you." That's the grief part, you know, when you really like you really wanted to make pasta for your mom.

You really wanted to provide for your family and provide for your parents and give money to them. How sweet is that?

And really sit with that and the sadness and the grief of that that they didn't

like that is so awesome. And also that instills I think the strategy too is for them to go like yeah I am like I that is who I am. I am a giving person and I I I want to be there for people and I want to help and I want to sacrifice.

Right. Yeah. I think the balance with that is like being, you know, and this is from my own personal experience saying that yes, I am a person who wants to be good, but also I'm about to be the bad guy with these people because I'm about to like hit them with some truth bombs about how they have treated me. And so I think in one hand it's embracing that about yourself and loving that you know I do want to be a good person and that's really like that's a cool thing like that's a nice sweet thing about me but also being very comfortable. It's like they're not about to see me as the good guy

right now and that's okay. You don't have to be the good guy all the time. You could be the really bad guy and you still deserve all of the love and the you know all that kind of stuff. So, I think that can also be really limiting in a way, too. If we're only ever trying to be good, right? If you're constantly chasing like, I want to be this good daughter. I want to be this good person, then your whole life can turn into this sort of black and white.

I'm either good or I'm bad. And if I'm so concerned with always being good, it's like I'm going to be exacting and I'm always going to try to get it right. And when you're doing that, it it's so hard to experiment. It's so hard to take risks. It's so hard to be curious and learn about yourself in the world because God forbid you do something that would make you bad or make you you would be perceived as bad. And so I love that you're bringing that up, Christy, because I think that is really helpful for us to get to play in this realm of like, well, if I were bad,

like what would that be like? Or what is it like to let other people think I'm a bad person,

right? How does that feel? How does that feel? Right? And like I think that sentence is kind of funny because of course we don't have any control over it's not like we're letting people think we're bad, right? Like cuz we don't control what they think of us, but sometimes it's like I think I can control what they think of me, right? Like I have this I'll do anything to make sure all the types of pasta in the world.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. I know for me that was a huge turning point in my own development cuz believe me Yeah. I was I was a good kid. I was a good girl. I was a good You know, insert here. We all were.

Are we all the good girls? We're all the good girls. Oh, hello. Hello. Yeah. And I remember

Good Girls Club. Good girls club. Um I remember getting to this point where I was like I knew it was it happened in a friendship and I knew I was making a decision that my friend didn't like. I could feel it. I could feel this part of me that didn't want to make that choice.

And when I finally was like, but no, I know this is actually the right thing for me to do. And I'm also aware that this person is not going to be happy with it. It's like normally being aware that this person would not be happy with it would be enough decision. I won't do it then.

I won't do it. You will not be happy. Therefore, I won't do it. And that's not what I did. I made the change. It's so funny because I can think of a few other times that are just so distinct, crystal clear in my memory. It's like I know exactly where I was when it when it happened.

Me, too. Really? Yes. I was in a therapy session and then she was like, you know, you're the bad guy in this situation.

Chills. Like lost it. Lost it. But it it was like the turning point where I was like, I don't always have to be the good guy.

And it was like, oh, like that's different. Like that feels really Wait, does everybody else know this too?

I know. I was like, do you guys watch New Girl? Yeah. The episode where it's like Jess is just, you know, being herself and Schmidt's like, "So, you just go around every day just thinking about other people all the time." She was like, "Yeah, you don't." He was like, "No." Like, "Of course I don't do that. How do you live?" And she's like, "It's really hard. Like it's really hard to live this way, you know? I always think about

Oh my god. So true. So true. Yeah. But I think when you've been living that way for so long, you don't know that there's an alternative. Like you really like it's that shocking where you're like, "Oh my gosh, I thought everybody just was operating this way." And you're like, "No, not at all." And you can when you start to change these behaviors, right? when you're loosening your grip on being the quote unquote good person,

any move away from that will make you feel like a complete monster, right? Like that's what came up for me. I'm like, "Oh, anytime I like put myself first, like it triggered this feeling of like I'm a terrible person."

Yeah. Like I'm actually a terrible person for doing this. And it took like doing things that I considered to be terrible like many many times for me and me surviving it and getting to the other side and being like, "Oh, I didn't like lose everything I've ever loved."

Um, I'm okay and oh wow, I gained something new. That's really cool. And let me be clear, there are some people who are in abusive relationships emotionally or otherwise where if you do make a change, you might actually lose a lot. There might actually be a lot on the line. So I don't want to say that to somehow say like it's no big deal. don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. It's like, no, that's not always true.

You might actually lose a lot. It might be really painful. And again, that's like yet another reason why being in therapy, if you find yourself in this sort of situation can be so helpful.

Yep. Walk through that and to process that and have someone right there to talk things through. And

um No, I love therapy. Don't we all? Really? This is just a big therapy commercial is the hope for what this is.

You could have a Felicia. You could have an Ashley. This could be you. I get both right now.

Hey. Hey. This could be you. Because I think like that the moral compass when you start kind of disentangling an any kind of abusive relationship, but certainly emotional abuse is kind of that pulling apart the same person. I'm probably overreacting or overreacting TBH.

You can ask a professional that who is biased, sure, because they're, you know, they're working with you, not the other people. But having a professional to consult with on some of this stuff, it gives a lot of confidence, I think.

Totally. Right. And not just a professional who's going to like consult with you as if they're going to tell you what to do. I'll be honest, OP, if you went to a therapist and you told the story, I think they'd have a hard time not making faces that were kind of a giveaway of how they actually felt.

But, but technically, they shouldn't be like telling you what to do. If any I think what's more important, especially in a case where there's been abuse, where there's been this sort of like gaslighting, you're you've got this kind of mixed up sense of reality. It's like, oh, I'm a bad person if I make the pasta wrong.

Like, I should be able to deal with really like cruel behavior because I'm getting a degree in psychology. You're just like reality. Really, this is really confusing, right? So, it can be hard to find yourself, your desires, your own moral compass in the midst of all of that information.

Yeah, exactly. So, if anything, I would see the therapy as being about, well, really, what do you want?

Cuz how often has this person had that asked of them? How often has that been respected or celebrated or encouraged?

Right? And what would it be like if you had a world in which you could have what you wanted and you could also give? You could also reciprocate. You could also contribute to relationships.

Like no relationship is going to be perfect. Of course there's going to be conflict. Of course there's going to be differences.

But what if there was a world in which you could have some more space in the relationship? You could say what you wanted and you knew what that was. Cuz my sense for OP is she didn't say this so much but she might have a hard time. I wouldn't be surprised of knowing what she wants.

Right. Right. Cuz what she wants may have in the past meant that she got in trouble for wanting that thing. Right.

Oh, totally. And I get this all the time like they And then did you see her too how she just went back to like no, it's it's me,

right? So, I do think she has a sense like there's that like part of her that like kind of like I think this is off, right? And then she's needing the validation of all these

strangers on on Reddit to be like and now us, right? But let me just put the little caveat here. This is probably my fault,

right? Probably because maybe she didn't want to read a comment that's saying, "Yeah, it's all your fault, right?" Or or whatnot, which is really sad. But I think too when I'm when I'm working with someone is

I love just helping them like tease out like, "Okay, hey, you you brought this up there. There is that little part of you that thinks like something's off here. This doesn't like feel the best. This feels really uncomfortable. Oh, wait.

And then there's this other piece of you that like that just totally self-doubts it that you want to trust this part, but then you just can't cuz why?

What's on the line? You know, what's on the line when you really trust yourself that this this isn't this isn't right? This doesn't feel good. This is this is emotionally abusive,

you know? And getting to that qu like, you know, getting to that question, yes, this is emotionally abusive, right? Um, but to go like, I don't like this anymore. I don't want this anymore.

But that's that's hard. That's really hard cuz then what you know, walking through the the fears of what's the worst case scenario if you were to tell

your mom, I ain't making the pasta anymore. You were tell like I don't call me like that. Don't talk to me like that. And it could be as severe as then you leave

kicked out getting kicked out or even as as uh severe as um you're not my daughter anymore.

Mhm. In therapy like walking through those walking through like it might just be trying on that shoe for a second of this the pain and the uncomfortable uncomfortableness of that just to like what's that like?

Yeah. And there are real risks like you just said, Ashley, like really thinking about that. And I think that's a really good argument for, you know, some of the strategies you were talking about earlier, Christy, which is what is a way to like protect myself from some of this abuse

without necessarily going into guns blazing being like things are different around here. You know what I mean?

Boundary. Yeah. Boundary fingers, right? Um Yeah. Like that may not be the strategy, you know? Watch. This is going to become like merch for us one day. This is the origin of boundary boundaries. Boundary boundaries.

Or like Oprah. You get a boundary and you get a boundary. Look under your chairs. It's a boundary. Oh my god. I think now would be a good time to get to final thoughts on this topic. So Ashley, as you know, this is the What Your Therapist Thinks podcast. So, at the end, we just like to have a little part where basically you as the therapist, as Ashley get to say what you really, you know, think and feel and wish people knew about this topic if this is like the only little bit they got. So, Ashley, as a therapist, what do you really think about parental emotional abuse?

It's not your fault. It's not your fault. And it's incredibly painful. It's incredibly sad. And you're holding on to a thread that is attached to your survival.

So I think I want to validate and acknowledge the sense of like I don't like this from my parent. I don't want this from my parent. I can't leave my parent. And I can't say no to my parent.

And you're not alone. uh there are people out there that that love you and that want to be there for you and support you. If that's through therapy, is that if that's through, you know, good friends,

um if that's through other adults in your life and therapy could be a really great place for you to process all that, a safe place for you to talk about this stuff that you can't talk about with your parents, that you can't you don't know where to start to talk about this stuff with your parents, right? The last thing I want to say is that there's hope for you. That there is really hope for you in the sense of like if you're here going like and you're listening to this like is this did this happened to me? And I love Felicia how you said like you don't have to answer that question like are my parents emotionally or abusive mentally emotionally abusive? I think you could ask the question, were there things that like did not make me feel good? Were there things that like made me feel worthless? Were there things that made me feel like unloved?

And uh to grieve those things to to allow yourself to feel sad for those things because you know what you feel is valid. It is really valid. You are human. It's not about being a good daughter or a good son or a bad daughter or bad bad son. It's it's about just you're human. You know, parents won't change and they're not motivated and I'm helping the teenager like how do we survive?

Yeah. How do we survive these next year or two? And how do we start thinking about the future? And how do how do we start thinking about living on our own and what does that look like? And that's my way of helping them survive and and and and uh and have hope because you know you're going to live with your parents for so long and then you can get out and then you could decide from that point how do you want the relationship to be you can decide from that point who you want to interact interact with and who your family wants to be.

Yeah. And I I'll say too that we will put some resources in the show notes about abuse. The domestic abuse hotline if you are feeling really alone and you just want to talk to someone that is there for you 24/7. We'll link some different things uh around there too because very much hope there is someone in your life that you know you can again kind of get the the love and the understanding that Ashley and Felicia have been talking about. Um but just some immediate resources if you need them. Felicia, what do you what do you think? There's no way that you could not be good.

Like I really want to like put like like close that question of whether you're good or not

or that your fundamental lovability could somehow be in question. You know, that someone else could get to decide that about you

and tell and tell you what and who you are. like just want to say that doesn't make any sense.

It's it's fundamentally just not not a thing. So if if you could hear this and somehow believe me

like despite everything else you've been told, it's like that's that's what I want to like insert into your heart if that's at all possible.

Um and then I love what Ashley said there about about hope, right? Whether you're in a place right now where you have more independence and you can make more of your own decisions about your life,

um, great. You can take steps in that direction. If you are still living with folks who are emotionally abusive and you don't have as many options to get out, then making a plan to get out, right?

And just recognizing that you have you have more options in your life. Again, there's there's like the seed of like lovability and goodness in you that may not be getting so nurtured right now, but there's nothing nothing that could be done to remove that.

Um, and so just just knowing that that's there, trying to see it in yourself, looking for opportunities where other people see that in you and moving toward that,

right? Like moving toward an opportunity where someone sees that in you and reflects it back.

Um, and also being discerning about what that is, right? Because when we're wounded in these ways, sometimes we get that feedback

and it's happening alongside of all of these other things that are really like harmful. So, we need to be on the lookout for that. We need to be like discerning about

about that. So, yeah, that's that's my messaging. I hope it's encouraging. Yeah, I think so. Again, I'm just like soaking it up over here. I just get to sit and like bask in just therapist wisdom, you know, just

raining down. braving down. Ashley, you're the best. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for being here for me, guys. And that was fun going through this topic. We know that it's a heavy one, but it's really important. And I hope that people today just Yeah. leave with a sense of

hope, really importantly, and understanding. Thank you for having me, guys. This was this was awesome. This was a pleasure. Ashley, how can people connect with you and learn more about the services that you offer? Yeah, so you can find me ashleyhuds theapy.com for therapy services of California and then illuminateyouconnection.co is my parent coaching run. Don't walk to hire Ashley. Thanks.

Questions about this episode

What is "Are My Parents Emotionally Abusive? Signs You've Been Abused & What To Do" about?

The discussion centers on the topic of parental emotional abuse, its signs, and the psychological impacts it has on individuals, particularly teenagers. Experts share insights on recognizing emotional abuse, understanding its effects, and addressing the trauma associated with it, while emphasizing the importance of validating one's needs and experiences in the healing process.

What is mentioned in this What Your Therapist Thinks episode?

22 people, works and ideas are mentioned, including Emotional abuse, Therapy (psychotherapy), Boundary setting, Felicia, Parental emotional abuse, Silent treatment. Each one on this page links to its own page with every episode that mentions it.

How long is "Are My Parents Emotionally Abusive? Signs You've Been Abused & What To Do"?

The episode runs 1 h 7 min; the transcript is about 12,118 words in 230 timestamped sections.

More from What Your Therapist Thinks

About this transcript: the episode's spoken words as captioned on YouTube, split into timestamped sections. Reclip.Me locates every person, work and idea in the text, keeps the time it is first named, and quotes the words around it verbatim. Last updated December 19, 2025.